The Complete Bachelor

Manners for Men

By the Author of the"As Seen by Him" Papers

With Index

[Illustration: Publisher's logo]

New YorkD. Appleton and Company

1896

COPYRIGHT, 1896, BY D. APPLETON AND COMPANY. 

PREFACE. 

I suppose a book of this character needs some excuse. The world is fullof volumes written on etiquette, and, in adding another to the number, my plea for filling the want long felt may seem ridiculous. But I havean excellent reason, and that is, that in all treatises of thischaracter I have found the bachelor sadly neglected. 

For many years, while conducting the query or "agony department" inVogue, I received letters from all parts of the United States asking forinformation on certain details of etiquette which seem to have beenoverlooked by the compilers or writers of etiquette manuals. Mycorrespondents always wanted these questions answered from the New Yorkstandpoint. All this I have endeavored to do in this volume. I havedevoted a chapter to sports. In this I have made no attempt to give therules of the various pastimes therein enumerated. I have simply jotteddown some points which I hope may be of use to the outsider. 

In the chapter on dancing I have taken the Patriarchs' Ball in New Yorkas my standard of subscription entertainments of this character. I havealso written about cotillons as they are conducted in New York. I haveendeavored to be plain and lucid. I only desired that this book shouldbe a help to my reader in any dilemma of social import, and if I shallhave proved of assistance, I shall feel that my mission has beenaccomplished, and that I have reached the goal of my ambition. 

CONTENTS. 

CHAPTER PAGE I. THE BACHELOR IN PUBLIC 1 II. HOW A BACHELOR SHOULD DRESS 10 III. THE BACHELOR'S TOILET 17 IV. THE CARE OF A BACHELOR'S CLOTHES 24 V. INTRODUCTIONS, INVITATIONS, AND CALLS 41 VI. CARDS 49 VII. THE DINER-OUT 54 VIII. A CODE OF TABLE MANNERS 62 IX. THE CITY BACHELOR AS HOST 74 X. THE COUNTRY HOUSE 85 XI. A BACHELOR'S SERVANTS 94 XII. THE DANCE 102 XIII. THE COTILLON 112 XIV. A BACHELOR'S LETTERS 119 XV. THE BACHELOR'S CLUB 126 XVI. THE SPORTING BACHELOR 136 XVII. A BACHELOR'S TRAVELS AT HOME AND ABROAD 160 XVIII. THE ENGAGED BACHELOR 169 XIX. THE BACHELOR'S WEDDING 172 XX. FUNERALS 193

THE COMPLETE BACHELOR. 

CHAPTER I. 

THE BACHELOR IN PUBLIC. 

The average man is judged by his appearance and his deportment inpublic. His dress, his bearing, his conduct toward women and hisfellow-men, are telling characteristics. 

In the street, when walking with a woman--the term "lady" beingobjectionable, except in case of distinction--every man should be on hismettle. Common sense, which is the basis of all etiquette, teaches himthat he should be her protector. Therefore, under general circumstances, his place is on the street or outer side. Should there be a crowd on theinner side, should the walking be muddy or rough, or should there be abuilding in process of repair, or one or the other of the inconveniencesof city life, then the man should take the side which will enable him toshield his fair companion from all annoyance. At night a man offers hisarm to a woman. In the daytime etiquette allows this only when thesidewalk is very rough, when there are steps to climb, a crowd to bepiloted through, or a street crossing to effect. In any one of theseemergencies suggest, "I think you will find it better to take my arm. " Aman never walks bodkin--that is, sandwiched between two women. 

It is the privilege of a woman to bow first. She may have reasons whyshe should not wish to continue an acquaintance, and a man should nevertake the initiative. Abroad, in many countries, the man bows first. Whenold friends meet, however, the bowing is simultaneous. 

A man lifts his hat in acknowledgment of any salutation made to thewoman with whom he is walking. It is his place, on such an occasion, tobow to a man friend, whether the latter enjoys or does not have thepleasure of the acquaintance of the woman. A man's failure to do thissignifies that the woman does not wish to know him, or that hercompanion does not wish her to know the other man. 

Hotel corridors and halls may be classed as semi-public places. A manmeeting a woman in one of these, where by custom he is permitted tokeep on his hat, must step aside and let her pass, raising his hat as hedoes so. This does not apply to theater corridors, theater or hotellobbies, or offices. In such houses as the Waldorf in New York, wherethe hall is utilized as a general sitting room by both sexes, it is notgood form for a man to keep on his hat. In London, however, the rule isnot as strict. 

Men in this country do not lift their hats to one another, except whenthey are introduced in the open or a public place. Civility is neverwasted, and it is proper, as well as an act of reverence, to thus salutea clergyman or a venerable and distinguished gentleman. 

A man always lifts his hat when offering a woman a service, such aspicking up or restoring to her a dropped pocket handkerchief or otherarticle, or when passing a fare in a public conveyance, or whenrendering any trifling assistance. Should she be with a male escort, thelatter should raise his hat and thank the person who has rendered theservice. This bit of politeness is under no circumstances the prelude toan acquaintance with an unescorted woman, and no gentleman would takeadvantage of it. A man always raises his hat and remains uncovered whentalking to a woman. 

It is not good form to stop a woman on the street, even if the exchangeof a few commonplace remarks be the excuse. A man never joins a woman ona thoroughfare unless she be one from whose friendship he is sure thathe can claim this privilege. 

A gentleman always assists a woman in and out of a carriage or a publicconveyance. He opens the door of the vehicle for her, helps her in by adeft motion of the right arm, and with his left protects her skirts fromany possible mud or dust on the wheel. As he leaves her he closes thedoor, and, if it be a private conveyance, gives directions to thedriver. He lifts his hat in bidding her good-by. Even when there is afootman, a second man, or an attendant, it should be esteemed a favor togive this assistance. 

In entering shops, theaters, or other buildings, where there areswinging doors, the escort goes ahead and holds one of them ajar, passing in last. A woman always precedes a man, except in one or twospecial cases. A man precedes a woman walking down the aisle of atheater, and it is better form that he should take the inside seat, especially if there is a man occupying the place next to the vacantone. A man precedes a woman up a narrow staircase in a public building, but in a private house, in ascending or descending a stairway, he shouldalways allow the woman to precede him. In entering a theater box a manfollows the usher, preceding the woman down the theater corridor to thedoor of the box. He then holds this open, and the women precede him, hefollowing them. In a church, in going down a narrow aisle, the womanprecedes the man. 

The lift or elevator, as well as the corridors and lobbies of a publicbuilding, the office of a hotel, and the vestibule of a theater, arepublic highways. In these places a man keeps on his hat, his deportmentbeing the same as he would observe in the street. But when the lift orelevator is fitted up as a drawing room, such as is used in hotels andother semi-public buildings, a man removes his hat when the other sex isof the number of its passengers. 

When escorting a woman to a house where she is to make a visit, alwaysmount the stoop or steps with her, ring the bell, and remain there untilthe servant comes to the door. Then, if you are not going in, take offyour hat and leave her. Restaurants, the dining rooms of hotels, roofgardens, and places of amusement in the open air, where refreshments areserved, are semi-public. 

A man always rises from the table at which he is sitting when a womanbows to him and immediately returns the salutation. Should the place bein the open, he doffs his hat, which under such circumstances he isobliged to wear. When he is in a party and a lady and her escort chanceto stop at his table to exchange greetings with his friends, he shouldrise and remain standing during the conversation. If a man is introducedto him, unattended by a woman, and he is with a stag party, politenessbids him also rise. 

A gentleman will never be seen in public with characters whom he couldnot introduce to his mother or his sister. A man when he is with a ladyshould be very careful, especially at roof gardens and such places inmidsummer, about recognizing male acquaintances who seem to be in ratherdoubtful company. 

In walking, a man should carry either a stick or a well-rolled umbrella. The stick should be grasped just below the crook or knob, but theferrule must be kept downward. In business hours or on businessthoroughfares to carry a stick is an affectation, but the man ofleisure is regarded leniently in these abodes as a privileged character. 

The umbrella is an instrument of peace rather than a weapon of war, andshould not be carried as "trailed arms, " but like the stick it should begrasped a short distance below the handle, and the latter held almostupright on a very slight perpendicular. 

In the presence of ladies, unless by special permission, a gentlemannever smokes, and under no circumstances does he indulge in a weed whileon the street or walking with them. If, while smoking, a man should meeta woman and there should be any stopping to talk, he must at once throwaway his cigar or his cigarette. A pipe is never smoked on fashionablepromenades, and a man in a top hat and a frock coat with a pipe in hismouth is an anomaly. The pipe accompanies tweeds and a "pot" hat in thecountry or on business thoroughfares. A meerschaum or a wooden pipe isthen allowable, but never a clay or a dudeen. The cuspidor is a banishedinstrument. The filthy custom of tobacco chewing and consequentexpectoration can not be tolerated in civilized society. 

A gentleman is never hurried, nor does he loiter. The fashionable gaitis comparatively slow, with long steps. The exaggerated stride of theAnglomaniac is as bad form as the swagger of the Bowery "tough. " Thecorrect demeanor is without gesture or apparent effort. 

Staring at or ogling women, standing at the entrances of theaters, churches, or other public buildings, stopping still and turning back tolook at some one or something in the street, can be classified asoffenses of which no gentleman can be guilty. 

Free and easy attitudes are not tolerated in good society, and this samerule should apply to public conveyances. As the man who crosses his legsin the presence of ladies is absolutely impossible, so should be theindividual who commits the same crime in a public conveyance. He notonly proves a nuisance to those around him, but he is a source of damageas well as danger to the comfort and safety of his fellow-passengers. 

In a crowded car, ferryboat, or stage, it is yet a mooted question as towhether or not a man should give up his seat to a woman. In theory heshould, but there are circumstances under which he may be pardoned. To arefined or delicate lady, to an old or an enfeebled woman, or oneburdened with bundles or with a baby in the arms, the answer to thisshould be a decided affirmative. In the South, this gallant action isuniversally practiced, except when the woman is a negress. In publicconveyances a man should sit to the right of a woman. 

An escort should pay all fares in public conveyances, and should lookafter the comfort and welfare of his companion, taking entire charge oftickets, luggage, and luggage checks. Should a woman insist upon payingher _pro rata_ of the expenses the arrangement can be made beforestarting, many sensible women handing their escorts their purses for thepurpose. Do not offer to pay the fare of any of your women friends whomight possibly enter your train or stage. This is embarrassing and notnecessary. A railway car or carriage being a public conveyance, a manalways keeps on his hat, as he also does in a cab or any other vehiclein which he is driving, accompanied or not accompanied by one of theopposite sex. 

CHAPTER II. 

HOW A BACHELOR SHOULD DRESS. 

There are three rules of dress which, for the ordinary man in hiseveryday life, might be resolved into two. These originally are morning, afternoon, and evening. Morning and evening are absolutely necessary;afternoon dress is donned on special occasions only. 

_Morning dress_ is that which is worn during business hours or at anytime in any place, where semiformal dress is not required untilcandlelight or seven o'clock in the evening. It consists usually inwinter of a lounge or single-breasted sack suit made of many differentkinds of material, the favorites being Scotch tweeds or black and bluecheviots, rough-faced and smooth. Fashions are liable to some variationseason after season, and the general rule can only be laid down in abook of this kind. 

With the morning or lounge dress in winter is worn the Derby orsoft-felt Alpine hat, called the Hombourg. The Derbies are black, brown, or drab, and the felts are gray, brown, drab, or black. The coloredshirt with white standing or turned-down collar is the usualaccompaniment to the lounge suit. The fashion for colored shirts instripes has been that the patterns run up and down and not across thebosom. The tie is a four-in-hand or an Ascot, or a simple bow, the bootsblack leather or dark-brown russet, and the gloves of tan or grayundressed kid or of dogskin. For ordinary business wear, suits of blackor gray mixed cheviot, vicuña or worsted, or fancy Scotch goods, thecoat of which is a "cutaway, " are also popular; but the black diagonal"cutaway" has passed entirely out of fashion, and is utilized at presentin riding costume. 

The lounge suit in summer is of blue flannel or very light cheviot ortweed. Straw hats are worn in place of Derbies and felts. Fashionsometimes dictates fancy waistcoats of linen to be worn with businesssuits; otherwise the entire costume--trousers, coat, and waistcoat--isof the same material. 

In the country, at the seaside, or in communities where golf, wheeling, tennis, yachting or other sports and pastimes are the order of the day, the costumes appropriate for these are in vogue for lounge or morningsuits. This is what the English call "mufti. " Such costumes are, however, not in good form in the city. 

Black leather, tan, or russet shoes are worn with morning dress. Whiteduck or flannel trousers, with black or blue cheviot coat and waistcoat, make fashionable lounge suits for summer resorts. 

_Afternoon dress_ consists of a double-breasted frock coat of softcheviot, vicuña, or diagonal worsted with either waistcoat tomatch--single-breasted or double-breasted--of fancy cloth, Marseillesduck or piqué; trousers of different material, usually cashmere, quietin tone, with a striped pattern on a dark gray, drab, or bluebackground; boots of patent leather, buttoned, not tied; a white orcolored shirt with straight standing white collar; a four-in-hand, puffed Ascot, or small club tie; silk hat and undressed gray, tan, orbrown kid gloves. The colored shirt is an innovation, and it should beused sparingly, white linen on any semiformal function being in betterform. When spats are used they should be of brown, gray, or drab clothor canvas, to match the trousers as nearly as possible. Some ultrafaddists wear white kid gloves with afternoon dress, but the fashion isnot universal. 

Afternoon dress, is the attire for weddings--for the bridegroom, bestman, ushers, and male guests; at afternoon teas, afternoon receptions, afternoon calls, afternoon walks on the fashionable avenue, gardenparties (but not picnics), luncheons, and, in fact, at all formal orsemiformal functions taking place between midday and candlelight, aswell as at church on Sundays, at funerals, and in the park in Londonafter midday. 

Gray frock-coat suits are recent introductions from London, and havebeen worn at all the functions at which the black is required, but thelatter is more conservative and in better taste. The afternoon dress isseldom worn in midsummer, morning suits being allowable at seaside andmountain-resort day functions. 

_Evening dress_ is the proper attire, winter or summer, on all occasionsafter candlelight. There are two kinds of evening dress, formal andinformal. 

Formal or "full" evening dress, as it is sometimes vulgarly called, consists of the evening or "swallowtail" coat of black dress worsted orsoft-faced vicuña, with or without silk or satin facing, with waistcoatand trousers of the same material, the latter plain or with a braid downthe sides. The "dress" waistcoat can also be of white duck or piqué, inwhich case it is double-breasted. The shape of the dress waistcoat showsthe shirt bosom in the form of a "U. "

The evening shirt is of plain white linen, with two shirt buttons andlink cuffs, straight standing collar, white lawn or linen tie. Thegloves are white with white stitching, the hose of black silk, and thehandkerchief, which must be present but not seen, of plain white linen. The shoes are patent-leather pumps or "low quarters, " tied, notbuttoned. 

The overcoat is an Inverness of black cheviot, lined with satin andwithout sleeves, and the hat a crush opera. These two latter adjunctsare not indispensable, but most convenient. An ordinary black overcoatand top hat can be worn with evening dress. No visible jewelry--not evena watch chain--is allowed. The shirt buttons are either of white enamel, dull-finished gold, or pearls, and the sleeve links white-enameled orlozenge-shaped disks of gold, with a monogram thereon engraved. 

Evening dress is _de rigueur_ at balls, dances, evening receptions, evening weddings, dinners, suppers, the opera, and the theater, whencalling after candlelight, and in fact at any formal evening functionand generally when ladies are present. 

Informal evening dress differs from formal in the wearing of the Tuxedoor dinner coat in place of the "swallowtail, " and the substitution of ablack silk for a white lawn tie. 

The dinner coat is of black worsted or vicuña, satin-faced. It is thebadge of informality. Formerly it was only worn at the club, at smallstag dinners, and on occasions when ladies were not present. Now it isin vogue during the summer at hotel hops and at small informal partiesto the play, at bowling parties, restaurant dinners, and, in fact, onany occasion which is not formal. From June to October men wear it intown every evening without overcoat. 

As the dinner jacket is short, a top or silk hat can not be worn withit. The proper headgear in winter is a black felt soft hat, in summer astraw. 

The dinner jacket is becoming a necessity. It is worn also by all youthsand boys from twelve years to seventeen, at which latter period they canassume the _toga virilis_ or swallowtail. 

I here append a few cautionary hints which must be taken if you wish todress well. 

All scarves and ties should be tied by one's self. Made-up neckwear ofany kind is not worn by well-groomed men. 

White evening waistcoats and Tuxedo coats do not agree; black is onlyallowable. 

Jewelry is vulgar. The ring for a man is a seal of either green or redstone, or of plain burnished gold with the seal or monogram engravedupon it. It must be worn on the little finger. 

Watch chains and watch fobs are not in vogue. Watches and latchkeys areattached to a key chain and hidden in the trousers pocket. Diamonds areonly in good form when set in a scarf pin, and even then they are inquestionable taste. Diamond buttons and diamond rings are absolutelyvulgar. 

The fashionable overcoat in winter is a Chesterfield or single-breastedfrock of kersey or like material in brown, blue, or black, with velvetcollar. For autumn and spring the tan covert coat is in vogue. 

CHAPTER III. 

THE BACHELOR'S TOILET. 

The first care of a bachelor is his bath or tub. To-day, houses--especially clubs and bachelor apartments--are fitted up soluxuriously that each tenant has his own individual tiled bathroom, which he uses also as a dressing room. But where these are not, the tinor the India-rubber bath tub serves as well the purpose of our firstablution. A cold bath to many is a good refresher and awakener, butthere are others again whose constitutions can not stand the shock, especially in winter, of icy-cold water. For cleansing purposes, tepidwater is best, or a mixture of hot and cold, so as to take the chilloff. 

A gentleman takes at least one tub a day, and that, as may be inferredfrom the previous remarks, when he arises. If the tub is in the bedroom, have a rubber cloth placed under, and fill it only half full. The spongeis used for the bath, the wash rag for the washstand. The body shouldhave a thorough soaping. The soap should be either Castile or a pureunscented glycerin. Sweet-scented soaps, perfumery, and sweet waters ofall kinds should be eschewed. The Turkish towel is the best for drying, and it should be vigorously but not roughly applied. A flesh brush maybe also used with comfort. As soon as the body is perfectly dry the bathrobe or large Turkish towel, which some prefer to wrap themselves in, like Indians, should be resumed and shaving begun. 

Every man should learn to shave himself. Razors are very delicateinstruments and should be kept in thorough order. Safety razors withlittle blades for each day in the week are excellent, but if you use theordinary razor add to your collection from time to time, until you haveat least half a dozen. Once a month send these to a barber to bestropped, and strop them yourself both before and after using. Wipe themdry with a piece of chamois cloth and put them back in their cases. Thebest strop is of Russia leather or of canvas. 

Warm water is not absolutely necessary for shaving, as some beards aresoft and resist heat. 

If possible, arrange a shaving stand with a triplicate mirror and placesfor your razors, shaving mug, brush, and soap. You can purchase one ofthese, with the entire outfit, for a few dollars at any of the largecity shops. A ring or little silver or metal hook for shaving paper canbe placed on one side of the stand. A cleanly man shaves every morning. After shaving, wash the face with a little warm water and wipe itthoroughly dry. Add to the water a few drops of ammonia or of Pond'sextract, if the skin is liable to chap. 

In the fashion of beards, the clean or smooth-shaven face, the pointedbeard, and the simple mustache are those generally in vogue. Should youwear a beard, you should have for it a special comb and brush. 

A small tin basin, a package of sea salt, and a special wash rag are therequisites for a morning eye bath. Sea salt and warm water arerecommended by oculists as the best tonic for the eyes. 

The teeth next claim your attention. There is nothing more disgustingthan foul breath, which comes frequently from neglected teeth. Use asoft toothbrush. Avoid patent tooth washes and lotions. An excellenttooth powder is made of two thirds French chalk, one third orris root, and a pinch of myrrh. Any chemist will put this up for fifteen cents. Tepid and not cold water should be used. In rinsing the mouth a drop ortwo of listerine added to the water is excellent. Teeth should bebrushed at least twice a day--morning and evening. Never use soap onyour toothbrush. Get a spool of dental silk--it will cost you eightcents--and draw the thread between your teeth before you retire, so asto remove any substance which might have got into a crevice. And, aboveall, have your teeth examined carefully by a good dentist at least twicea year. 

See that your toothbrush is sweet and clean, and place it handle down inthe tooth mug. 

The hands should be well washed and dried, tepid water, scentless soap, and a smooth towel being used. The nails should have a vigorous rubbingwith a good nailbrush in the morning before your meals and before you goto bed at night. The nail file and nail scissors must be used as oftenas possible. Remember, dirty finger nails betray the vulgar and theunkempt. A man with dirty hands is impossible. 

The nails should not be pointed, but well rounded and kept free of bitsof callous skin around the base, called "hangnails. " Finger nails shouldbe kept short, just a bit beyond the fleshy tip of the finger. 

The nails of the toes should be kept as carefully as those of the hands. In summer a little talcum powder on the feet will prevent the odor ofperspiration. 

The fashions for parting the hair change with the times. At present itis the direct part in the middle which is most fashionable. Very youngmen wear their hair unusually long, but this fad is uncleanly. The hairshould be cut at least once a month, and a glimpse of the skin of theneck should always intervene between the roots and the collar. 

Pomatums and greases and scents of all kinds are sticky and injurious. If you suffer with dryness of the scalp rub a little vaseline into itoccasionally. Washings with tar soap or with a little alcohol androsemary are beneficial. The scalp should be well brushed withmoderately firm but not hard bristles. The best brushes are thosewithout handles, known as army and navy. Water is bad for the hair. Constant combing with a fine-tooth comb is apt to irritate the scalp andprovoke dandruff, which can be allayed by brushing, shampooing, and theuse of borax and warm water. 

Turkish or Russian baths are beneficial now and then, and the vigorousmassage after a thorough steaming is admirable for the skin. A manshould be scrupulously neat about his toilet articles and appliances. Inyour bathroom you should have a rack for your coarse and fine towels. Always place the towel you have used at the side of a stationary or onthe back of a movable tub to dry. See that the soap is removed from yoursponges, and once a fortnight clean them in one quarter of an ounce ofborax dissolved in tepid water. Let them soak for an hour, and squeezethem out in clean water. 

Hairbrushes are washed in a little soda put into a quart of hot water. The brush must be dipped downward so as not to wet the back. When theyare cleansed they can be rinsed in cold water and stood on their side, after the water is shaken out, until quite dry. 

Nailbrushes must be turned on their sides, after using, so that thewater will not soak in and crack their backs. 

A man's toilet articles, whether in silver or wood, should be of onedistinctive style and material. Tooth and nail brushes should neverhave silver handles, but hair and clothes brushes with silver backs arevery smart. They should be kept polished with a chamois cloth, andoccasionally a little silver polish or whiting. Your bureau or dressingtable is the place for the hair and clothes brushes, the combs, thetoilet mirror, nail files, nail scissors, and such smaller articles. Your nail and tooth brushes and soaps go on the wash-hand stand. Yoursponges are best put in a little wire basket at the side of thewash-hand stand, or the immovable washstand if your room or bathroom hasthe latter convenience. 

Your bedroom should be ventilated and all the windows opened after youleave it, and you should have at least one window up during yoursleeping hours. If you have a movable tub see that it is aired eachmorning after using. 

Always make a change of clothes and of shoes when you come in from abusy day and from the street. Nothing ruins clothes so much as loungingabout your room in them. And last but not least, as it contains theessential of all these rules and hints, be always immaculately clean. 

CHAPTER IV. 

THE CARE OF A BACHELOR'S CLOTHES. 

There are comparatively few men who can afford the luxury of a goodvalet, and that personage himself, when found thoroughly competent, isindeed a treasure. But it is an absurd mistake for any one to think thata valet is a necessity. If you take a quarter of an hour for the care ofyour clothes every day, you can be just as well turned out as if youhired an expensive servant. Even if you have indulged in the luxury of avalet, you yourself should know all about looking after your wardrobe. 

Whenever you change your clothes you should first empty all yourpockets. Then, as soon as each garment is removed, it should bevigorously shaken and brushed before it is folded and put away. Neverhang coats, trousers, or waistcoats; always fold them. Wire coat hangersand trousers stretchers ruin clothes. Whisk brooms are useful only whenan extra-vigorous treatment is desired. Take a clothes brush and giveyour coat, as soon as you take it off, a thorough brushing, and hold itto the light, so that no particle of dust may escape your eye. The coatis then folded exactly in half lengthwise, sleeve to sleeve, the liningon the outside. With evening coats it is sometimes necessary to fold thesleeves in half, owing to the shortness of the waist. In packing a trunkthe same method is used, only the sleeves are stuffed with tissue paperto avoid possible wrinkles. 

Large and bulky garments, such as overcoats and frock coats, should befolded in triplicate. Lay the coat flat on a table and first fold onboth sides, the right and the left, so much of the lapel and collarlengthwise as will cover the sleeve. This will make two folds from thetop of the collar to the bottom of the skirt. Then fold the coat againin half lengthwise, using the back as a hinge. You will find the sameprinciple illustrated by a cook with a pancake. The waistcoat is foldedin half, with the lining on the outside. Always take off your shoes andunbutton the braces before you remove your trousers, and fold them overthe back of a chair, which is to serve you as a clothes rack. Take thetrousers by the waist and place together the first two suspenderbuttons, one on the left and the other on the right. This will make thefold preserve the natural crease and dispose of the extra material, button and buttonhole tab at the waist. Trousers carefully folded willonly need pressing about twice a year. Hose should be well shaken, andunless perfectly clean, thrown in the soiled-linen basket. Evening silkhose can be worn several times. The undervest, or undershirt, and thedrawers should be also subjected to a vigorous shaking, and hung on theback of the same chair where you have already placed your hose. Allthese intimate garments are to be aired, and the chair on which you havehung them taken to the window. 

Use a closet and a chest of drawers for your clothes. If you are in verylimited quarters, six drawers and a trunk should be sufficient for allyour belongings. The evening clothes occupy one drawer or shelf, and themorning and afternoon suits the other or two others. The remainder willbe for linen, underclothing, ties, and handkerchiefs. 

Between each suit of clothes there should be laid a newspaper; thosepublications which use the blackest of printer's ink--the surestantidote for moths--being the best for this purpose. Cover the top ofeach pile of clothes, when the drawer or shelf is full, with a cleantowel. 

In a chest with four drawers the bottom one should be used forunderclothes, the top for handkerchiefs, hose, and ties, and the twointermediate for your linen. The closet will have to serve for yoursuits of clothes, or, in lieu of that, your trunk. Otherwise thelast-mentioned receptacle is the place for clothes out of season, carefully laid away with a full complement of newspaper and camphor. 

When you remove your shirt at night, or when you change for dinner, becareful to take out the buttons and sleeve links, unless you intend towear the garment again. In that case, hang it up in your closet. 

The first gift which a bachelor usually receives from his sister or hissweetheart is a handkerchief case, and I hardly need advise you topurchase what is a standard Christmas offering. Keep your handkerchiefsin this, your neatly folded ties in the second division of the drawer, and your hose in the third. If you should have a silver and plushpincushion with a movable top, your small articles of jewelry go in itsinterior, or in a small box in the top drawer. 

Silk hats, Derbies, and Alpines or soft-felt hats should never bebrushed with a whisk broom. A hatter will sell you for a small sum asoft brush with a pliable plush back, which will do for smoothing yoursilk hat, the bristles to be applied in removing the dust. A silkhandkerchief will also smooth a silk hat. Frequent ironing destroys thenap. Straw hats can be cleaned by first rubbing them over with the halfof a lemon, then taking an old nail brush and some brown soap and waterand giving it a vigorous brushing. Then you should take heavy books andlay them on the brim of the hat. An old pincushion or several towelsrolled into a firm ball, or a book which will fit exactly, should beplaced inside the crown. Allow the hat to dry, and do not remove theweights until this is accomplished. You will find your straw as good asnew and the shape preserved. The writer has tried this with greatsuccess. 

Boots and shoes when not in use should be put on wooden trees to keepthem in shape. As trees are rather expensive, one can use paper andstuff it inside the boot or shoe. This will not prove a bad substitute. With patent leathers, paper or cotton stuffed in the toes prevents theleather from wrinkling, and in this instance the very cheap material isbetter than the more expensive appliance. Patent leathers must becreamed and rubbed with a chamois cloth or linen or flannel rag afterall mud and dust have first been removed. This operation should berepeated daily. Some men maintain that patent leathers should bevarnished as soon as they come home from the bootmaker, but I disagreewith them. A varnished patent leather has always a cheap look, and thecoat of veneer is only applied as a last resort, to hide the cracks. Russet boots and shoes are treated daily with the special cream sold forthem, which can be obtained at any bootmaker's or shoe shop. The priceis small, and the stuff will last a long time. Russet boots, however, can be very well treated with a little vaseline, but that product willnot give them the deep-brown color which is so fashionable. The soles ofboots and shoes should be painted black. When a man is obliged to kneelin any ceremony, the sight of white or yellow gleaming soles is absurd. 

In wet weather it is absolutely necessary to turn up the bottoms of yourtrousers, to keep them from fraying. 

I would suggest a general overhauling of clothes about once a month. Atthe end of each season the heavy or light garments should receive afinal brushing and be stored away in a trunk, chest, or spare room with, as I have already advised, newspapers between them, and some camphor ormoth destroyer as an extra precaution. Overcoats, which are in suchgeneral use, may be hung during their season of service, but should befrequently brushed and well shaken. 

The economy of space thus observed in the arrangement of clothes in aroom will make it an easy matter when about to travel to pack one'swardrobe in a trunk. 

A shoe bag is a great convenience. A simple canvas arrangement can bepurchased very cheaply, or one of your fair friends can make you one. Your shoes should be placed in this and put at the bottom of the trunkin a corner. Otherwise you should wrap your shoes and boots in paper. Ifyou travel with two trunks, one should be reserved for your outergarments and the other for your shirts and underclothes. With one trunk, a shirt box is as much an article to be desired as a shoe bag, but inlieu of this the shirts should be placed in the first or top tray, theunderclothes and hose in the second, and the outer garments in thebottom. A small space in the top can be reserved for your ties andhandkerchiefs. Toilet articles are carried in a hand bag; waterproofs, overcoats, and umbrellas and walking sticks in a shawl strap. Your silkhat has but one place, and that is in a hatbox. You can put a Derby in acorner of a trunk but a silk hat would be ruined. 

When a long journey is taken, it is economy in the end to purchase anextra steamer trunk for your underclothes and linen. Trunks are notexpensive, and you will find that by not crowding your clothes you willsave in the long run. 

Always keep in your room a small bottle of a good grease-remover as wellas one of ammonia, some soft rags, and a chamois for general cleaningpurposes. An expenditure of a little over a quarter of a dollar willprovide you with these necessaries. 

Never lounge around your room in your street or evening dress. If youare to stay awhile, or if you come in for the night, take off yourclothes and put on a bath robe or your pyjamas if you do not possess adressing gown, which is not a necessity. 

At your office you should always have an old coat to wear, and if it besummer have one of linen. To sit around in one's shirt sleeves, even atone's place of business, is not characteristic of the gentleman. 

THE COST OF CLOTHES. 

Every young man starting in life and wishing naturally to take a part insocial functions and to become a member of that body indefinitely knownas society, is confronted with the problem of clothes. A few years agothe ordinary changes of morning, afternoon, and evening were all thatwere requisite, but to-day, with special costumes for various sports andpastimes, the outlook at first glance to one of limited income is notencouraging. And yet a man with a modest salary can dress very well ontwo to three hundred dollars a year, and even less. It is only the firststep which costs. One must have a foundation or a slight capital withwhich to start. After that with a little care expenses can be easilyregulated. 

The evening suit is the most expensive essential of a man's wardrobe. This he is obliged to have. I would advise, in selecting a suit of thiskind, to have it of good material from a good tailor, after a model nottoo pronounced, so that in case of any small alteration in the fashionsit can survive a season or two. With proper care your evening suitshould last at least five years. During the first two or three it shouldbe your costume for formal occasions. During the third season you mightpossibly have another pair of trousers made or renew the waistcoat oreven the coat. When you find yourself, thus by the principles of thedoctrine of the survival of the fittest, the possessor of two eveningsuits, use the old one for theaters and small dinners, and the best forthe formal functions. White waistcoats are very smart for evening wear, and an investment in one or two of these during the course of a seasonwill save the waistcoat of the evening suit. The prices of evening suitsvary. The most fashionable Fifth Avenue tailors charge as much as onehundred and twenty-five dollars for them. Some men argue that this suminsures an excellent investment. However, you can have an excellent onemade by a good tailor for an outlay of about forty dollars. The largeretail clothing shops have a custom department, and that is their figurefor an evening suit made to order. You can even have one for twenty-fivedollars, but I would not spend a less amount. Superintend the making ofit yourself. Some men have adjustable figures, and they can purchasetheir clothes from the block--that is, ready-made. The only fault tofind with these garments is their machinelike cut. The pockets, if any, the lines, the binding, and the entire get-up look as if these affairshad been turned out by the dozen. 

White waistcoats for evening wear are, however, somewhat in the natureof luxuries. They are difficult to have laundered, and some very smartmen object to having them sent to the wash, and would not wear one afterit has gone through that process. The Fifth Avenue tailor will charge asmuch as twenty dollars for a white duck waistcoat made to order. It mayfit you perfectly, but yet again it may not look a whit better than theready-made which you can purchase at a haberdasher's for from three tofive dollars. 

A Tuxedo or dinner coat, as explained in another chapter, is almost anecessity. It is really a saving. If you can not afford to have anentire suit of this kind made you may simply have the jacket, which willcost from twenty-five to forty dollars, and wear it with the trousersand waistcoat, and keep it to be part of your informal evening dress. 

I have known men to have their black sack coats or old black diagonalcutaways or old evening coat changed into a Tuxedo by the cutting off oftails, the substitution of a silk collar, or some other alteration. Asack coat is easily arranged, and any little tailor around the cornerwill make the metamorphosis for three dollars. Suppose you have had oneof your old coats transformed into a Tuxedo. You can purchase, if you donot wish to have made, a pair of black trousers of the same material fora very few dollars, and an old black waistcoat, which went with theoriginal coat, can also be altered. Remember that a Tuxedo dinner coathas not to be of a certain material. It must be black and have a silkcollar. It is really _negligé_. 

You should start with a capital of at least six evening shirts. If youare a wealthy man these will cost possibly, made to order, as high asfifty-six dollars, but you can also have excellent ones for ninedollars. It is considered smart to have the collars attached, but notnecessary. The cuffs, however, should be always a part of the shirt. 

White ties are twenty-five to thirty-five cents a piece. Always statethe number of collar you wear when purchasing evening ties, and youwill never have cause to complain of the length. 

Black patent-leather pumps, made to order, are from eight to ninedollars. You can get them much cheaper ready made, but the only troublewith them is that they are not usually good fits, and that in futureyears you will have cause to regret this economy. Of black silkstockings, of which you will need two or three pair, you can have achoice from a dollar and a half to six dollars a pair. 

I would advise the purchase of two business or lounge suits a year forthe first three years. In making this estimate I can hardly suppose thatyou are in the state of Adam, and I would advise you to wear your oldsuit in winter especially, and on rainy and stormy days. Your overcoatwill conceal it in the street, and at the office the older the clothesthe better. The pivotal points of a man are his hat, boots, and tie. Have these perfectly correct, and the rest will take care of itself. 

For winter buy a thick, useful cloth, such as Scotch homespun or roughcheviot or tweed. Brown and gray mixtures are always fashionable andwear well. 

In summer a light-gray check or a blue cheviot or flannel are alwayssmart. 

Thus making an old suit of the year before alternate with the new one, you will find that eighty dollars will be sufficient to help you be awell-groomed man. 

A half dozen colored shirts for morning wear are necessary, withattached cuffs but detached collars. Every now and then I would invest afew dollars in shirts, and before you know it you will have a largesupply. As dress shirts grow old send them to be repaired at any of themany places which you will find advertised, and use them for morningshirts. 

Six changes of underwear--merino or wool--and a dozen balbriggan orwoolen hose will be sufficient. Summer underwear is very cheap, and youcan get a light merino suit for one dollar. A four-dollar investmentwill last several seasons. Good winter underwear is expensive, costingfour or five dollars a suit. 

Pyjamas of Madras or pongee silk, very effective and pretty, can be hadfor a dollar and a half to three dollars a suit. Four suits ofthese--two for summer and two for winter--will last at least two years. 

A man must have, besides his dancing pumps, a pair of patent-leatherwalking boots and a pair of stout common boots for everyday wear. If youcan afford it, have two pair of boots made at the same time, or evenmore. An investment of fifty dollars in boots, at say eight dollars apair, would be excellent. You can change daily, and they will last youover a period of two or three or more years. 

The afternoon suit is more or less a luxury. Unless you frequentafternoon teas or make many afternoon calls, or act as an usher atweddings in any city but New York, the frock coat is not, for the firstthree or four years of your career, an absolute necessity. In New York, however, where calls are only made in the afternoon, it must form a partof your wardrobe. 

A frock coat can be made for forty or fifty dollars; seventy-five to onehundred dollars is charged by the most expensive tailors. When you orderit, see that it is not in the extreme of fashion. The conservativegarment will last a number of years. The material, as I have alreadysuggested in another chapter, must be of rough worsted, vicuña, ormaterial of that kind, and never of broadcloth. 

With it you must have a pair of "fancy" or cashmere trousers. These willcost from eight to fifteen dollars, and they will last you severalyears. In fact, the purchasing of the afternoon suit in one way isexcellent: it does not have to be renewed as often as other parts ofyour wardrobe. It stays practically in fashion, with little deviation, for almost a decade. 

The silk hat, which is necessary for the afternoon suit, is one of themost expensive items of a man's wardrobe. A top hat must be of theprevailing mode. Autumn is the best time for purchasing, as you candispense with it after May, except on very special occasions. TwoDerbies--one for autumn and the other for spring--at from two to fourdollars, or only one, for that matter, to last through the entire eightmonths, and a straw hat, from two to four dollars, will be the entireamount expended for headgear by the very best-dressed men. For a Derbyyou can substitute an Alpine or Hombourg. The opera crush hat is aluxury, and you can wear with your evening suit your top hat of the yearbefore, which you can christen your "night hawk. "

Shirt buttons and sleeve links are also an expensive item. However, thepurchase of these occurs but once in a lifetime, and fifteen dollarswould do beautifully for enamel or plain gold. 

Ties vary in price, and it is difficult to limit a man on thisexpenditure. Many invest in them as a fad, picking them up here andthere, and thus accumulating a large assortment. A little judgment inpurchasing will allow you to acquire quite a large wardrobe. If you giveyour personal supervision to the making of your clothes you can employ acheap tailor who will turn out very good work. For fashion plates, I donot know of any better than Du Maurier's pictures of smart London men inthe London Punch. Watch the sales in the autumn and the late spring forbargains in haberdashery. Study well the advice given in the chapter onthe Care of Clothes in this book, and you will find therein that whichwill certainly teach you economy. 

CHAPTER V. 

INTRODUCTIONS, INVITATIONS, AND CALLS. 

Formal introductions are not in vogue in this country. The nearestapproach to it is when one is desirous of introducing a stranger or oneof his particular friends to another. When you desire to present a manto a woman you must ask her if you may bring Mr. ---- to her house. InNew York the customary time for such visits is in the afternoon, betweenfour and six. In introducing men to one another it is unnecessary tomake a formal appointment. In presenting a man to a woman her permissionmust first be asked. The formula is, "Mrs. C----, may I present Mr. D----?" Informal introductions may be made between people visiting inthe same house by simply saying, "Mrs. D----, may I present Mr. B----?"or "Mr. F----, do you know Mr. C----?" These informal introductionsneed not be recognized afterward unless mutually agreeable. 

Introductions are never made in the street or in public places of anykind, or in public conveyances, unless under exceptional circumstances. It is extremely bad form to introduce a guest on his entrance into aroom to more than one other. Wholesale introductions are not the customin New York. General introductions are not made at a dinner or at anyfunction. People are sufficiently well bred to engage in generalconversation when in the houses of their friends, even if they do notknow each other, and not to take advantage of the circumstancesafterward. 

At any function at which the guests are told off, the host or hostessonly presents the man to the woman whom he is to take down. A man nevershakes hands upon being presented to a woman, but always on beingintroduced to a man. A man should never shake hands with a woman whilewearing his gloves unless she also is gloved. Your hostess will give herhand to you when you make your obeisance. After being presented, aninvitation is apt to follow. It may be, "Drop in to tea any afternoon, "or simply, "I would be glad to have you call. " This invitation shouldalways come from a married woman. Unmarried women do not ask young mento call. A man may ask the privilege of calling, or the mother of theyoung woman may say, "We should be pleased to have you call, Mr. Smith. "

In New York and in many of the larger cities, as has already beenstated, the proper time for a man to call on a woman is between thehours of four and six in the afternoon. Sometimes women have "days" inthe season, and you should pay your call on one of them. Otherwise anyafternoon may do, and you can use Sunday for this purpose after threeo'clock. 

Afternoon dress is, of course, requisite. In those places where eveningcalls are made a man must wear formal evening dress. 

On the opening of the door by the servant, a man asks of him whether thehostess or "the ladies" are at home. This will depend on the number ofthe members of the family receiving. He gives to the domestic the propernumber of cards. The servant precedes him, opens the drawing-room doorfor him, and in some ultra English houses he is announced. His card orcards have been deposited on the silver tray which the servant haspresented to him in the hall and left there. A visiting card is neverbrought into the drawing room. A man on a first or a formal call carrieshis stick and hat into the drawing room with him. To "hang his hat" inthe hall shows great intimacy--even relationship--in the house. He, however, should leave there his overcoat and his rubbers and umbrella. His hostess will advance to meet him, and will extend to him her righthand with a somewhat stiff angular motion, and he should shake it with aquick nervous movement of his right. He should neither grasp nor squeezeher hand, nor should he attempt that absurd so-called British shake inthe air, which is never practiced except by player folk. A man removeshis glove from his right hand on entering the drawing room, and holdsthis with his stick and hat in his left. The hat should be at an angle, the top about level with his nose. At weddings, the opera, and dances, where a woman is gloved, a man, if it is required to shake hands, doesnot remove his gloves. On ordinary occasions a woman is seldom gloved inher own drawing room, and if she is, handshaking is not usuallyexpected. Should the hostess be gloved, as at a large affair, such as aformal or wedding reception, a man shakes hands with her with them on. 

Tea is generally served in the afternoon on a tray with wafers, littlecakes, and sometimes sandwiches. If you take a sandwich or a cup of tea, a doylie will be given you, which place upon your knee. When anothercaller enters the room stand up, whether it is a woman or a man. Tenminutes is all that is necessary for a formal call. It is less awkwardto leave when a new caller is announced. Shake hands with your hostessand bow to the people present. Leave the room sideways, so as not toturn your back upon the company, and bow to them as you reach the door, thus bowing yourself out. Remember, do not be a lingerer or a sitter. Nomen are more dreaded in society than these wretched bores. The firstarrivals leave first. Freezing out is not known in good society. 

Calls should be made after every civility extended and every invitationaccepted or regretted; after weddings, wedding receptions, deaths infamilies, etc. , as fully explained in the chapter on card-leaving. 

A letter of introduction is always sent, never left in person. Calls atthe theater or in opera boxes are mere social amenities, and are notaccepted as formal. A man enters an opera box, stands, and bows. Hishostess will turn around and greet him. He will then, if there is avacant chair, take one, and sit and talk a little while, leaving on thearrival of another caller. These rules for afternoon calls can beapplied also to those made in the evening. 

If no day is set for a first call, a man is expected to drop in anyafternoon within ten days after the invitation. The sooner a call ismade the greater the compliment. A second call may be made within two orthree months; after that once or twice a year, as intimacy permits. Aman is never asked to dinner or to any function at a house at which hehas not first called. The usual form of a dinner invitation, the hostessbeing married, reads:

 _My dear Mr. Smith:_

 _Will you dine with us, most informally, on Wednesday, December the ninth, at eight o'clock? Hoping that you have no engagement for that evening, believe me, _

 _Yours very sincerely, _ _Alice de Tompkins. _ _November thirtieth. _

An answer to an invitation like this, which should be sent withintwenty-four hours, reads:

 _My dear Mrs. De Tompkins:_

 _It will give me great pleasure to dine with you on Wednesday evening, December the ninth, at eight o'clock. With many thanks for your kind thought of me, _

 _Yours very sincerely, _ _Algernon Smith. _ _December first. _

Or, in the case of a formal dinner consisting of more than ten or twelveguests:

 _Mr. And Mrs. De Tompkins_ _request the pleasure of_ _Mr. Smith's_ _company at dinner on_ _Wednesday evening, December_ _the ninth, at eight o'clock. _

The answer reads:

 _Mr. Algernon Smith, Jr. , _ _accepts with pleasure_ _Mr. And Mrs. De Tompkins's_ _kind invitation for_ _Wednesday evening, December the ninth, _ _at eight o'clock. _ _December first. _

Answers to formal luncheon invitations are written in the same manner, only changing the hours, etc. 

Informal invitations to breakfasts and luncheons will be treated in thechapter on that subject. 

The form of an invitation to a private dance is:

 _Mr. And Mrs. De Tompkins request the pleasure of Mr. Algernon Smith's company on Friday evening, January the ninth, at nine o'clock. _

 _R. S. V. P. _ _Dancing. _

The answer to this would be similarly worded as in case of the formaldinner. As dance invitations are usually sent out three weeks inadvance, three days' grace is allowed for the answer. 

When an invitation is received to a subscription ball, like theassemblies in various cities, you should acknowledge it, by youracceptance or regret, to the subscriber sending it; but when aninvitation is received from a ball committee, you should accept asfollows:

 _Mr. James de Courcy Peterson accepts with pleasure the committee's kind invitation for Thursday evening, February the fifteenth. _

 _January second. _

CHAPTER VI. 

CARDS. 

There is only one visiting card in vogue for a man. It must be of plainwhite bristol board, unglazed, about three or four inches in length andabout two inches in width. The name should be engraved, not printed, inthe middle of the card, in small copperplate type, without ornamentationof any kind. The prefix "Mr. " is always used unless the person is aphysician, in which case he can place "Dr. " before his name, or aclergyman, when he may use the "Rev. Mr. " or the "Rev. Dr. , " accordingto his rank. Army and navy men, ranking as captain or above, should puttheir rank on their cards. "Mr. " is the prefix for subalterns. Theaddress is placed underneath the name in smaller type and in theright-hand corner. If an address, however, is that of a man's club, itshould be engraved on the left hand. A man's card should also containhis Christian as well as his surname. If he possesses two Christiannames, or any distinctive family name, that should also be given, sothat his appellation is shown in full. For instance, "Mr. John WilliamJones, " "Mr. James Brown Smith, " "Mr. Hamilton Hamilton-Stuyvesant. "Visiting cards should be kept in a small case of sealskin or black orRussia leather and carried in the inside pocket of a frock coat, or ifsmall enough more conveniently in the waistcoat pocket. Card casesshould be stamped with initials or have a silver monogram. Visitingcards should never be carried loose in the pocket. A card is left inperson the day after a dinner, luncheon, or breakfast, or within a weekat latest after a ball. Civility must be returned by civility, and cardsmust be left on every occasion on which a call is necessary. Cardsshould not be sent by mail, unless when about to leave the country, orunder circumstances where it is impossible to make a personal call. Onleaving the country you should write the initials P. P. C. (_pourprendre congé_) in the right-hand corner. In New York many men sendcards by mail, offering the excuse that the city is too large to getabout to make personal calls. This is only a flimsy pretext, and shouldhave no weight. 

The question of how many cards to leave is one which seems to bewildermost people. The general rule is a card to each person. This will haveto be explained. When you call on Mr. And Mrs. Smith you must leave acard for each--two cards. When you call on Mr. And Mrs. Smith and theMisses Smith, three cards, the young ladies counting as a unit. For Mr. And Mrs. Smith, the Misses Smith, and their married daughter Mrs. Jonesstaying with them, four cards--Mrs. Jones being entitled to the fourth. If Mr. Jones is also stopping at the Smiths leave an extra card for him. For Mrs. Smith (widow) and the Misses Smith, two cards. For Mr. Smith(widower) and the Misses Smith, two cards. 

In mailing cards, address them on the envelope "Mrs. Smith, the MissesSmith, " or "Mr. And Mrs. John Brown-Smith"; "The Misses Brown-Smith, "the one under the other. Never write on your cards "For Mr. And Mrs. John Brown-Smith. " It is bad form. Never leave cards for people who havenot asked you to call. When friends from another city, who haveentertained you or who have been polite to you, should arrive in yourown city, you should immediately call and leave cards for them. In thatcase, should you even not be acquainted with their host and hostess, itwould be civil to leave cards also for them. 

After a wedding, if invited to the reception, you must personally leavecards at the house where the reception has been given for your host andhostess, and also for the young couple when they return from theirbridal trip. Two cards at each place will be sufficient in this case. When invited to the church only, leave or send cards to the bride'sparents and the young couple. As the card to the church only, is ratheran equivocal compliment, mailing cards in this case could be excused. Leave personally cards for the patroness who has asked you to asubscription ball, within a week after the invitation. In cases ofdeath, leave cards within a fortnight. In answer to letters ofcondolence, it is best to send your cards with the words "Thank you foryour kind sympathy" written thereon. For mourning, use the same size orstyle of card, but with a narrow or deep border as befits the nearnessof degree of relationship with the deceased. The deepest borderpermissible is about a quarter of an inch. 

It is bad form to bend cards or to turn down the corners thereof. Thesesigns mean nothing now in good society. In calling--it may be repeatedhere--you ask, if there are more than one of the fair sex in the house, for "the ladies, " and hand the servant the number of cards necessary. Hetakes them on a silver salver and leaves them in the hall, goes beforeyou, and announces you. Your card is never taken to the lady of thehouse, unless it is a business call. 

CHAPTER VII. 

THE DINER-OUT. 

When I speak of the "diner-out, " I include under this title the bachelorguest not only at dinners, but also at luncheons and at suppers. Theformal breakfast is a festivity of the past, and the first meal in ahousehold is purely a family affair. However, luncheons on Sunday at oneor two o'clock are in New York frequently called breakfasts, because Ibelieve many fashionable people do not want the impression to go abroadthat even once a week they dine in the middle of the day. The luncheonafter a day wedding ceremony is also called a breakfast, but this, likethe Sunday meal, is simply a title by courtesy. 

_Luncheons_, where men are guests, are popular entertainments at all thelarge summer resorts, such as Newport, Long Branch, Bar Harbor, as wellas at the more celebrated of the Western and Pacific watering placesand the winter cities of the South. In New York and other greatcenters, where there exists a number of gentlemen of leisure, theseentertainments are greatly in vogue, and in Washington they sometimesassume the color of diplomatic functions. 

The hour for a luncheon is half past one o'clock, and sometimes it isadvanced to two. All guests are expected to be punctual to the minuteand to take advantage even of the quarter of an hour latitude is badform. Better a little too early than too late. However, do not makeyourself ridiculous by appearing on the scene too soon. Bear in mindthat the reputation of being the "late Mr. Smith" is not enviable. Atardy guest only accentuates his own insignificance. This rule appliesto dinners and suppers and to all entertainments where you are a guest, with only one exception--dances, where you have an hour's grace. 

Luncheons, as a rule, are informal affairs. Men have attended them inlounge suits, but it is more courteous to your hostess to appear inafternoon dress. Overcoats, hats, and sticks are left in the hall. Yourgloves are removed in the drawing room. When luncheon is announced, unless it is a very formal affair, your hostess leads the way to thedining room, and she is followed by her guests, women and men, not inprocession. The men, of course, must allow the fairer sex to pass beforethem through the drawing-room door and into the dining room. Luncheon_menus_ consist of oysters, clams, or grape fruit with crushed ice andsaturated with maraschino for the first course. This is followed bybouillon, an _entrée_, a roast or chops with peas, or broiled chicken, salad with birds, ices and fruits, coffee and _liqueurs_. Sherry andclaret are the wines, and sometimes champagne is served. 

A luncheon lasts three hours at most, and the men are left to smoke atdessert. However, sometimes this formality is waived. 

_Dinner_ invitations are sent out at least a fortnight in advance. Inthe New York season sometimes they are issued a full month before theevent. They must, under all circumstances, be answered withintwenty-four hours, and cards left on your prospective host and hostesswithin a week. 

The fashionable hours for dining are between half past seven and eighto'clock. Dinners being formal evening functions, formal evening dress isessential. 

Except at very small houses and apartments, two rooms are reserved--onefor the men and the other for the ladies--as dressing rooms. Your hat, coat, and outdoor attire are removed, and a servant will assist you inarranging your toilet. A nefarious practice of feeing these attendants, even at private houses, has been somewhat in vogue in a very "smart" andwealthy set in New York. It is not good form, and I would advise youagainst it. 

The servant who announces you, hands you a small envelope on which iswritten your name. This incloses a card on which is the name of the ladywhom you are to take in to dinner. After exchanging greetings with yourhostess and removing your gloves, you should endeavor to find yourpartner and engage in some preliminary conversation. Should you not havebeen presented to her, inform your hostess of this fact, and you will beat once introduced. Dinner is announced by the butler entering thedrawing room and saying, "Dinner is served. " The host leads the way withthe woman guest of honor, and you are assigned your place in theprocession by the hostess, who comes last with the man guest of honor. Each man offers his right arm to his fair partner. In the dining room, cards are placed at each cover with the names of the guests inscribedthereon. Even should there be a retinue of servants, pull back thechair of your partner and assist her to seat herself. In someold-fashioned houses grace is said, and it is always the rule when aclergyman is one of the guests. This blessing is asked after the companyis seated. 

During dinner you must devote yourself to the comfort and entertainmentof the woman whom you have taken in. She must be your first care, although there may be some one on your other side, or opposite, who ismore congenial to you. Talking across the table is very bad form. Letyour conversation be pleasant and general, but avoid politics, religion, and personal criticisms. 

There is no form for refusing wine, if it is against your scruples todrink it. Do not thus force your personal prejudices on your host bymaking any demonstration, such as putting your finger over the glass orshaking your head at the butler. Let him fill your glasses, but do notdrink the contents. The question of waste is not to be considered; andif you are a man with firm principles regarding total abstinence, inyour heart you should rejoice that at least a quota of the fluid will dono harm. 

The hostess gives the signal at dessert for the ladies to retire to thedrawing room. Everybody rises, and the ladies leave the table in solemnprocession, the man nearest the door opening it for them. A prettiercustom, and one much in vogue in New York, is the escorting of theladies by the men to the drawing room, the host leading the way. Whenthe drawing-room door is reached the men bow and retire again to thedining room, where coffee, _liqueurs_, and cigars are served. At the endof a half hour they return to the drawing room. Another half hour ofconversation, during which sometimes there is dancing, and the guestsmake their adieus to their hostess and host and leave. On biddinggood-night, always assure your hostess of the pleasant evening which youhave enjoyed. 

Progressive dinners are sometimes given, although now almost obsolete. Small tables are arranged for these with parties of four or six at eachtable. The guests change places at each course, the signal for thisbeing given by the hostess ringing a bell. The ladies remain in theirseats. As there will not be a fresh napkin provided at each course, aman brings his with him from his first table. 

Public dinners, except when given by certain church, debating, orliterary societies, are stag affairs. The guests assemble at therestaurant, hotel, or hall where the banquet is to be held, and deposittheir hats, coats, and walking paraphernalia in the cloakroom. A ticketis given with the number of your rack upon it, and a small fee--usuallytwenty-five cents--is expected. The guests assemble in one of thesmaller drawing rooms, and each one is handed a plan of the tables withthe location of his cover designated by his name upon it. A processionis formed, the guests of honor and reception committee leading, to thebanquet hall. After dessert, speeches are in order. 

_Dinner dances_ are a form of entertainment where dinner is followed bya dance, other guests coming in from other dinner parties and meeting atone house which has been agreed upon as the place where the dance is totake place. A short time after dinner, at each of the other houses, theguests are conveyed therefrom in carriages, or, better yet, in stages, to the general rendezvous. Calls are due within the week at the housewhere you have dined as well as at the one at which you have danced. 

Supper etiquette differs but little from that observed at dinners. Theoccasion is a bit more informal and the _menu_ not so elaborate. Theetiquette of ball suppers is treated in the chapter on The Dance, andsuppers after the play, at restaurants and clubs, being favoritebachelor entertainments, will be explained in that part of this bookreserved for the Bachelor as Host. 

CHAPTER VIII. 

A CODE OF TABLE MANNERS. 

Many of the cautions contained in this chapter will seem elementary intheir nature. But one expects in a book of this kind to see the oldfamiliar "don'ts, " and their absence would perhaps deter from theusefulness of The Complete Bachelor. I would, however, suggest a carefulstudy of that clever _brochure_, entitled Don't, which would refresh thememory on many points not within the scope of this work. It is reallyquite surprising to see how few men have perfect table manners. TheAmerican is unfortunately too often in a hurry. He bolts his food. He isa victim of the "quick-lunch" system. Again, a bachelor eating asolitary meal at a club or a restaurant is apt from sheer loneliness totry and dispose of it as rapidly as possible. Drill yourself into eatingleisurely. Persons of refinement take only small morsels at a time. Onecan not be too dainty at table. To attempt to talk while your mouth isfull is another vulgarity upon which it is needless to dwell. The Frenchhave made us the reproach that we frequently drink while our mouths arein this condition. I fear there is some foundation for this accusation. Wipe your mouth carefully before putting a glass to your lips. Greasestains around the edge of a goblet or wineglass are silent but telltalewitnesses of careless habits. 

The napkin is an embarrassing article to many men. Its place is on thelap and not tucked into the shirt bosom or festooned around the neck. When one arises from the table, the napkin is thrown carelessly on it, unfolded. The days of napkin rings are over. 

Nervous and bashful persons fidget, they do not sit squarely or firmlyat table, their chairs are crooked, they play or gesticulate with theirknives and forks, or they beat dismal tattoos with them against theirplates. These same timid minds find vent for inspiration in the crumbsof the bread, of which they involuntarily make little figures or smallround balls. The economist, another person on the list, plasters hisfood, taking a bit of potato, a little tomato, and a good-sized squareof meat as a foundation, and spreading these tidbits one on the other, prepares of them a delectable poultice which he swallows at a mouthful. I pass over the man who leaves traces of each meal on his shirt or hisclothes. Such a being, I have no doubt, would convey food to his mouthwith his knife, would blow on his soup, tea, or coffee with the idea ofcooling it, or would pour the two latter cheering fluids into a saucerand drink them therefrom. 

The caution to keep one's hands above the cloth and one's elbows out ofreach of others, also falls under the head of kindergartenclassification. The ridiculous idea prevailing that one must not eatuntil others are served has passed away with many old-time fallacies. One commences to eat as soon as served. You need not proceed veryactively, but you can take up your fork or spoon, as the case may be, and make at least a feint at it. 

Toasts have also fallen into "desuetude" at private dinners. Sometimesyou will find an old-fashioned host who will, on touching his glass withhis lips, bow to his guests, and they may wait for this signal to siptheir wine, but the custom is utterly obsolete in large cities and atformal dinners. 

When you have finished the course, lay your knife and fork side by sideon your plate, the prongs of the fork upward. Do not cross them. Nowhistlike signals are needed to-day to signify that you have hadsufficient to eat. 

Dinners are generally served _à la Russe_--that is, from the sideboard, and the dishes are passed around by the servants on silver trays. Verylarge _plats_, such as roasts and fish, are sometimes carried withoutthe trays. On all occasions of ceremony the men servants are gloved. 

Carving at table is but little seen except at very informal dinners andin the country, where sometimes the master of the house shows off thisold-fashioned accomplishment, especially if he has a dining room incolonial style and wishes to have everything in keeping. 

The question of second helpings is therefore not one of moment. Theservants pass the viands twice or more around. If a host or hostessserves at table, he or she will ask the guests whether they would like asecond helping. It is never demanded. Except when absolutely necessarythe handkerchief should be kept out of sight. It can be used in casethere should be some sudden irritation of the skin, but to blow one'snose at table is disgusting. 

The American bachelor takes usually a very light first meal. It consistsof tea, coffee, or cocoa, toast, eggs, oatmeal, and fruit. There are yeta few men who go in for the old-fashioned hearty breakfast withbeefsteak, buckwheat cakes, and trimmings, but in cities the lightermeal is preferable. All this is, of course, more a matter of environmentand hygiene than etiquette. I have compiled a list of certain viands, which society does require should be eaten at a special meal and in onlyone manner. With this catalogue I will close this chapter. 

BREAKFAST AND LUNCHEON DISHES. 

_Eggs. _--It is much better form to have egg cups than egg glasses forboiled eggs. Cut the top of the egg off with a dexterous blow of a sharpknife and eat it in the shell with a small egg spoon. 

_Sugar. _--Lump sugar if served is always taken with the sugar tongs. 

_Butter. _--Butter is only served at breakfast or luncheon. It is passedaround in a silver dish, with a little silver pick with which to spearit. Butter plates--i. E. , the small round silver or china affairs--havegiven place to bread and butter plates, which are of china and aresomewhat larger than an ordinary saucer. The butter plate of a few yearsago was never seen outside of America, and is now destined to vanishfrom our tables. It is needless to add that butter is never served atdinner. 

_Radishes. _--Radishes appear at luncheon. Put them on your bread andbutter plate and eat them with a little salt. 

_Cantaloupes_ are served cut in half and filled with ice. They are eatenas a first course, a fork being better to eat them with than a spoon. Salt is the condiment to use with them, but sugar is allowable. Insouthern climates they are sometimes served at dinner as a separatecourse between the fish and roast. This is a Creole custom. 

_Grape fruit_ is served as a first course (_vide_ chapter Diner-Out) ata late breakfast or luncheon. It is eaten with a spoon. 

DINNER. 

The _menu_ of to-day is simple. It consists of oysters or clams, according to season, soup, fish, _entrée_, roast and vegetables, gameand salad, ices and dessert. Sorbets or frozen punches are not served, except at public banquets and hotel _table-d'hôtes_. 

_Oysters_ or _clams_ are placed on the table in plates for the purposebefore dinner is announced. They are imbedded in ice and arranged arounda half-sliced lemon, which is in the middle of the plate. Oysters orclams are eaten with a fork only. Gourmets say that they should not evenbe cut with it, and should be swallowed whole. I would not advise anyone to try this with large oysters. The oyster fork is the first in thenumber of the implements placed beside your plate. Condiments, such aspepper and salt, will be passed you. Sauterne is served with oysters. 

_Oyster cocktails_ have been in vogue in place of oysters. These are amixture of the bivalve with Tabasco sauce and vinegar, and they are saidto be excellent appetizers. They are eaten with a small fork fromcocktail glasses. Bachelors frequently serve them in place of oysters. 

_Soup_. --At large and formal dinners a clear soup is in vogue. Your soupspoon will be on the knife side of your plate. Soup is eaten from theside and not from the end of the spoon. The motion of the hand guidingthe spoon is toward and not from you. Take soup in small spoonfuls, anduse your napkin in wiping your mouth and mustache after each, especiallyif the soup is thick or a _purée_. This will avoid the dripping of thatliquid from your upper lip. Never after this operation throw your napkinback into your lap with the greasy side toward your clothes, but use theinside of it for this purpose. 

_Fish_ is eaten with a silver fish fork. Chasing morsels of fish aroundyour plate with bits of bread is obsolete. Silver fish knives have beenput in use, but they are not generally the vogue. 

_Cucumbers_ are served with fish on the same plate. Little plates orsaucers for cucumbers, vegetables, or salads are bad form. 

_Sherry_ is served with fish. 

_Celery_, _olives_, and _salted almonds_ are placed on the table insmall dishes. Sometimes the guests are asked to help themselves, but atformal dinners they are passed around after the fish. Celery is eatenwith the fingers and dipped in a little salt placed on the tablecloth oron the edge of your plate. It is also served as an _entrée_ raw, thestalks stuffed with Parmesan cheese. It should then be eaten with afork. 

_Entrées_ require a fork only. Among these are patties, _rissoles_, _croquettes_, and sweetbreads. 

_Mushrooms_ are eaten with a fork, and served as a separate course inlieu of an _entrée_. 

_Terrapin_ is served sometimes in little silver saucepans either as an_entrée_ or as fish, and again in a chafing dish, and sometimes withsalad. It is more of a supper than a dinner plat, and should be eatenwith a fork. 

_Asparagus_ is eaten, except in the intimate privacy of your own familycircle, with a fork. Cut the points off with the end of the prongs. Thestalk or white part is not eaten. It is allowable to eat it with yourfingers, as I have said, in private. It is served after the roast as aspecial course. One can not drink _champagne_ with _asparagus_ except atthe risk of a severe headache. 

_Artichokes_ are served as a separate course after the roast. Theyshould be placed in the center of your plate and the inside tips of theleaves alone eaten. The leaves are removed with the fingers and dippedin salt, _sauce vinaigrette_, or melted butter. The center of theartichoke is called the heart. The hairy part is removed with the fork, and the heart itself, which is deliciously tender, is conveyed to themouth with the fork. 

_Champagne_ is served in small tumblers or claret glasses. The champagnestem glasses are out of fashion. The _dry_ may be served from the fishto the close of dinner, but the old rule was to give it with the roast, _claret_ with the _entrée_, and _Burgundy_ with the game. 

_Salad_ is eaten with a fork only. In cutting _game_ or _poultry_, thebone of either wing or leg should not be touched with the fingers, butthe meat cut close off. It is better to sever the wing at the joint. 

_Savories_, a species of salt fish and cheese sandwich, is served inEngland hot, about the end of dinner. They should be eaten with a fork. Undressed salad is sometimes served with them, or radishes, butter, andcheese. This is the only occasion when one sees butter on a dinnertable, and this at informal dinners. The salad undressed can be eatenwith the fingers. At bachelor dinners and at luncheons _cheese_ isserved with salad. The French soft cheeses are the favorites. 

_Pastry_, _ices_, and _desserts_ are eaten with a fork. 

_Fruit_, such as peaches, pears, and apples, are served frequentlyalready pared. When this is the case, finger bowls are dispensed with, but as yet this is not a general rule. Usually at dessert there isplaced before you a finger glass and doily and a dessert plate, with thedessert knife and fork on either side. Remove the glass and doily; putit in front of your plate a little to the right. _Fruit_ must be paredor peeled with a silver knife. 

_Strawberries_ are now served with the stems on, and sugar and cream arepassed around and are taken on your dessert plate. 

_Pineapples_ are eaten with a fork. A cracker is used for nuts, andsilver picks are brought in with the dessert. 

_Corn_ on the cob is a favorite at small informal dinners as a separatecourse. In polite society you must remove the grains of the corn withyour fork or your knife and fork, and never eat it off the cob holdingthe end with your fingers. By holding one end with your napkin, you canplow down the furrow of the grains with your fork, and you will findthat they will fall off easily. _Corn_ is always served, when given inthis style, on a white napkin. You help yourself to the ear with yourfingers. 

_Macaroni_ and _spaghetti_ should only be eaten with a fork. In NewOrleans boiled _shrimps_ are often served at small dinners. The skinsand heads are on, and you remove these with your fingers. After thiscourse finger bowls with orange leaves are passed around, and theperfume of the water will remove the odor of fish from your fingers. 

_Black coffee_ is served after dinner. Milk or cream does not accompanyit, except in the country, where sometimes a little silver pitcher ofcream is placed on the tray. Coffee is drunk from small cups. Coffee andmilk are never served during dinner, nor again is iced milk. These arebarbarisms. Chartreuse, kümmel, curaçoa, and cognac are the _liqueurs_usually served after dinner. 

_Claret_, in many French families, especially those of the middle class, is placed on the table in decanters. You are expected to help yourself. There are also _carafons_ or decanters of water to mix with the wine. The claret decanters are called _carafes_. Claret is drunk at the twelveo'clock _dejeuner_ as well as at dinner. 

_Tea_ is passed around in old-fashioned English houses about an hourafter dinner. In some places buttered muffins accompany it, but thisextra refreshment is only seen now in very old-fashioned houses. 

_Scotch whisky_ and hot water or mineral waters are served in countryhouses before bedtime. 

CHAPTER IX. 

THE CITY BACHELOR AS HOST. 

LUNCHEONS, DINNERS, THEATER PARTIES, CLUB AND RESTAURANT SUPPERS, AND OTHER BACHELOR ENTERTAINMENTS. 

The bachelor who entertains is a most popular member of society. It doesnot cost a fortune to return in some manner the civilities oncereceived, and every man, even if his income be limited, can once in awhile entertain, even if it be on a very small scale and in a verymodest way. Bachelor functions are always enjoyable. For a host ofmoderate income, I would suggest a luncheon, a dinner, or a party to theplay, followed by a little supper. 

A bachelor luncheon can be given either at the host's apartments orchambers, at a restaurant, or in the ladies' annex of his club, if thatorganization possesses such an institution. 

At all entertainments given under a bachelor's vine and fig tree, extreme simplicity should be a characteristic. The table linen should beof the finest damask, or the best material his income will allow; theglass perfectly plain, clear crystal, the china of a rich but quietpattern, the silver good but absolutely without ornamental devices ofany kind. In fact, the silver can be limited to forks and spoons, andthe rest Sheffield or prince's plate. Silver is not expensive, but plateis considered quite smart, and it has the advantage of being utterlyvalueless from the burglar's point of view. 

Individual salt and pepper affairs, cut or colored glass, or the hundredand one knick-knacks which one sees advertised and which eventually findtheir way to the boarding-house table, are vulgar. 

Before your cloth is laid you should have a cover of felt placed overthe table, so as to form a shield between it and the damask or linen. Inthe center goes a silver or plated fernery, filled with ferns andasparagus vines, on a mirror tray, or an _épergne_ with fruit. Twoheavy, old-fashioned decanters in Queen Anne coasters should be placed, one at your right and the other at the right of your _vis-à-vis_. Thesecontain sherry and claret. Four plain silver, plated, or china dishesare at the corners with salted almonds, olives, _bonbons_, and fancycakes. If you wish to be very effective and have the money to spare, itis smart at a dinner to have silver candlesticks with candles or tinylamps gleaming behind red or pink shades at each cover. Two or threeforks are laid at the left of each plate. If more are required, yourservant will replace them. On the right of the plate are the knives, including one for the roast, with the tablespoon for the soup, if it isa dinner, and the oyster fork. The napkins should be plain and flat, andcontain a roll of bread. These hints for arranging the table will do foreither luncheon or dinner. Not one of the articles is in itselfexpensive, and you may possess them all with the accumulation of years. If not, a simpler arrangement could be effected, or you could give theentertainment at a restaurant instead of your rooms or house. Theinvitations can be either verbal or written, but at best a luncheon ordinner in a bachelor's apartments is regarded as a little frolic, andyou must try to preserve the spirit and waive the formalities. 

A chaperon, of course, is necessary. The party can be limited to abouteight. If you have a manservant he should be dressed in black coat andtrousers, white shirt, standing collar and tie, and liveried waistcoat. His duties are to open the door and to serve the luncheon. But amanservant is not necessary. Some of the smartest bachelors in New Yorkgive delightful little dinners and luncheons at their apartments, atwhich the maid who has cooked the meal, dressed in white apron and blackgown, also serves it. 

The _menu_ should be the usual one expected at luncheons, but champagneis never offered by a man to women in his apartments, unless at dinneror a theater supper. If a wealthy bachelor has a large house, andinstead of one there are a number of matrons chaperoning, the case isdifferent. Manhattan or Martini cocktails could be passed around beforeluncheon, or some little peculiar dish be served to give a zest to theoccasion. 

_A bachelor's dinner_ at his house or apartments is a more formalentertainment, but it differs in nowise from a regular function of thatcharacter. The chaperon takes the place of the lady of the house forthat occasion. Dressing rooms are arranged for the men and women, andthe same ceremonies observed as at any formal dinner. If the affair isgiven in apartments, of course the character must be more or lessinformal, as the accommodations are limited. Should you have a man serveat your dinner, he must be in evening dress. Both at dinner and atluncheon he must have gloves, but this is not required of a maid. 

A bachelor's supper in his own apartments is sometimes given after theplay. Of the _menu_, I will speak a little farther on. A chafing-dishsupper is, however, an unique and enjoyable entertainment. Severalchafing dishes should be ready, so that each course can follow withoutdelay. Terrapin, truffled eggs, curried oysters, and other dainties ofthis kind comprise usually the _menu_. It would be well to serve firstoysters on the half shell, followed by lobster _à la Newburg_, thelatter being the first _plat_ cooked with the chafing dish. Champagne isa good wine, and allowable for a chafing-dish supper; but if Welshrarebits are the _chef d'œuvre_, then beer or ale would be better. 

_A theater party_ should be confined to eight or ten. A _particarré_--four people--is delightful. Unmarried women do not go totheaters or restaurants with a man alone. They must be chaperoned, evenat a matinée or a luncheon party at a hotel or restaurant--in fact, anunmarried couple is seldom seen at public places in New York, unlessthey are engaged, and married women are as much compromised as unmarriedones by indifference to this absolute rule of etiquette. 

The invitations can be either verbal or written. In the season it isbetter to write them, to insure the acceptance of guests. Be careful inthe wording to give not only the evening, but the name of the play andthe theater. For a party, always secure end seats, and there will be nodisturbing of others in case you might be a little late. A box isnecessary at the circus or at a music hall, but orchestra seats orstalls are the best selection for a bachelor's party. Many mothersobject to their daughters being seen at the theater in a proscenium box. 

The rendezvous or meeting place should be at the chaperon's. Thevestibule of the theater is awkward, except for parties of four. A stageis the best vehicle to convey your guests to the playhouse. At thetheater the host sees that his guests are provided with playbills. Hegives the tickets to the usher, and precedes the party down the aisle. He indicates the order of sitting. A man should go in first, followed bythe woman with whom he is to sit, and then, thus sandwiched, the restof the party file in, the host taking the aisle or end seat. The hostsits next to the chaperon. Gentlemen do not go out between the acts atthe theater, but sometimes, when there is a party to the opera, they canleave their seats if other men come to visit the ladies. A man going inor out a theater aisle should do so with his face toward the stage andhis back to the seat. A host never leaves his guests. After the play goa little ahead and give your carriage check to the porter as soon aspossible, so that there may not be a long wait. The porter expects asmall fee. All theater parties are followed by a supper given either ata restaurant, at the club, in the ladies' annex, or at your bachelorapartments. 

All luncheons, dinners, or suppers at a restaurant, unless organized onthe spur of the moment, are ordered beforehand, and everything, including the waiter's tip, arranged and settled for. If you have not anaccount at the restaurant, pay the bill at the time you order the _menu_and reserve the table. Flowers should be included, and a centerpiece ofroses, which are so arranged as to come apart and be distributed inbunches to each of your fair guests, is one of the favorite devices. Small _boutonnières_ are provided for the men. The public restaurant ordining room is the place for a bachelor supper when ladies are guests. Aprivate room is not proper, and your guests want to see and be seen. Thechaperon is seated at the right hand of the host, unless the party isgiven in honor of a particular woman, in which case she has that place. The chaperon is then at your left. Wraps and coats are taken off in thehall of the restaurant and checked. There is no order of entry, exceptthat the host should precede and the others follow. 

The usual _menu_ for a theater supper is:

I. Clams or oysters on the half shell. 

II. Bouillon in cups. 

III. Chicken _croquettes_ or sweetbreads with peas, or lobster _à laNewburg_. 

IV. Terrapin or birds with salad. 

V. Ices, cakes, _café noir_, _bonbons_. 

VI. _Liqueurs_. 

With the oysters or clams white wine is served. Champagne follows thebouillon until the end of the supper. 

After supper the party usually returns to the residence of the chaperon, where the unmarried women have their maids and family escorts awaitingthem. The host accompanies them to the chaperon's house, but the othermen take leave at the restaurant. The chaperon may have it arranged tohave dancing at her house, in which case the party return with her aftersupper. 

_A supper in the ladies' annex_ in nowise differs from this, except thatyou do not tip the waiter or pay the bill, but have it charged in yourmonthly account. 

The _menu_ for a supper at your own apartments follows the same lines asthose already given. 

_Theater clubs_ are associations of women and men, all subscribing, meeting at the houses of different members, one of whom gives thesupper. 

_Bachelors' dances_ or _balls_ are given at a large hall by a number ofunmarried men, who subscribe a certain amount each. A number ofwell-known matrons are asked to receive the guests, and a cotillonusually follows the supper. 

_Impromptu lunches_, _dinners_, or _suppers_ at restaurants sometimesrequire the immediate settlement of the account. Be careful to draw fromyour pocketbook a bill of large denomination, and not a handful ofchange. Do not con over or dispute the items. If you have an account, simply sign the check. If not, it is best to give the waiter his tip andgo to the desk and pay while the members of your party are getting theirwraps. 

_Dinners at restaurants_ are frequently given by bachelors, and arefollowed by a visit to the theater. The rendezvous is either at thehouse of the chaperon or at the restaurant itself, should the party belimited in number. 

The _menu_ varies according to the season. Six courses, including rawoysters or clams, soup, fish, _entrée_, roast and vegetables, birds andsalad, ices and dessert, are sufficient. The form and manner ofentertaining at a dinner of this kind are similar to those observed atsuppers. 

To a man who frequently entertains, and at a particular restaurant, anoccasional tip to the head waiter would be of service. This is a word tothe wise. 

_Card parties_ for the playing of whist, domino, or poker are oftengiven by bachelors at their apartments or residences. In apartments thisclass of entertainment is only for men. Women should not go tobachelors' apartments except for luncheon, dinner, or supper. In abachelor's house, however, any entertainment can be given. Small stakesare played for and the usual supper follows. The _farewell bachelordinner_ will have its proper place in the chapter on Wedding Etiquette. 

CHAPTER X. 

THE COUNTRY HOUSE. 

THE BACHELOR AS HOST. --THE BACHELOR AS GUEST. 

Bachelors, whose incomes are of all sizes and conditions, can have somekind of a country house. It may be a fishing lodge, a hunting box, maintained by three or four men clubbing together; a small cottageplainly and simply furnished at the seashore, near golf links, or in agood neighborhood; or again a large establishment, a villa at Newport orin a fashionable colony with a retinue of servants and a stable filledwith horses. Whichever it might be, open hospitality, as much as it isin your power, should prevail. However, never attempt anything more thanyou can accomplish, and by all means do not run into debt. To a fishingor hunting lodge men only should be invited. It should be furnished withthe mere necessaries, and hung with fishing and hunting prints andtrophies of the chase. The hall serves as sitting and even mess room. Aman of all work or an old married couple are the best servants. Amplesupplies are sent from town, but the leading idea is roughing it, andthe table is partially supplied by the game and fish brought back by youand your friends. When the term of the visit of your guests expires, each should be able to bring home a basket of fish or some game. Fromtime to time send to any of your hostesses of the winter something fromyour preserves. These attentions are much appreciated. 

A truck farm or a small country place near town, which may have eitherfallen to you by inheritance or which you may have purchased, or whichyou have for kennels or for your horses, can also be used forentertaining. Even in the largest of these houses the plan of furnishingis substantially the same. There should be a masculine note throughoutthe entire scheme. The furniture should be old-fashioned, and thepictures sporting and hunting prints and steel engravings. There shouldbe an air of homeliness and open hospitality about the place. It shouldlook as if it were verily Liberty Hall. 

A tract of unprofitable land could be converted into golf links and atennis court laid out. A picnic is the popular form in which bachelorswho have such a possession may entertain. Some fifty to one hundredpeople can be invited, and a special train or boat, if the place is toofar from the city for a drive, chartered for their accommodation. Theinvitations should state the hour at which this train or boat wouldleave the city. Stages await the guests at the country station and bringthem up to the house. Cocktails, drinkables, claret cup, tea, andsandwiches are served on their arrival. There should be no fixedprogramme of amusement. Luncheon, or luncheon and dinner both, accordingto the length of stay, could be served, and the _menu_ should embrace afew courses of country fare. Dancing in the barn during the afternoonwill be another form of entertainment, or if you wish to give anelaborate entertainment, vaudeville performers might be hired for thehour after luncheon. 

In a large establishment the bachelor who entertains usually hasresiding with him a sister or female relative who acts as hostess. Oneof the delights of a wealthy bachelor is to have a large andwell-appointed stable with a number of traps which are at thedisposition of his guests. 

A bachelor host always drives to the station or boat to meet his guests. A drag, three-seated surrey, or a station van would be the smartvehicle. I am now writing of a man of large means. The method ofentertaining should be the English one, without any fixed programme forthe days of the guests' stay. Only when there is shooting, the party isexpected to assemble in the morning. If there is a local club, your menguests should be put up at it, and the entire party made visitingmembers of the neighboring casino. The rest is conveyed in the advice tohave always plenty of good cheer and to entertain the visitors as muchas possible. In these houses there is much drinking, possibly, andperhaps cards, but a young man who is a guest should be firm enough toresist temptation, and to stand by his convictions. 

One word more, and this applies to many country houses, if not all ofthem. See that your guests' bedrooms are provided with soap, hair andclothes' brushes, and toilet articles. The desk should be filled withletter paper and envelopes, and if you want to appear very fashionable, the stationery should have the name of your place in blue or redletters at the top or in the right-hand corner of the first sheet. Manyconvivial souls place on a side table in each room mineral water, cigarettes, cigars, and the inevitable decanter. 

When you are a guest you are met at the station by one of your host'straps. Do not be surprised, however, if you do not find thisaccommodation. It is considered very English, I know not why, to allowbachelors to reach a country house by the best means they can find atthe station or landing. You are received by your host, and afterrefreshment are shown to your room. If you arrive late in the afternoonyou do not see your hostess, but dress for dinner and find her in thedrawing room when you go downstairs. You are expected to conform to therules of the house as to the hours for meals, and to place yourself atthe service of your hostess. You must certainly appear at any functionwhich has been arranged for you, and it is very impolite to accept, during your stay, any outside invitation to any affair to which yourhost and hostess have not also been asked. If you have a valet you maybring him with you, but you must certainly notify your host of thisintention. Few houses in this country have the accommodations necessaryfor outside servants. 

Tipping is demoralizing, but it is an accepted custom. On your departureafter a short stay, at Newport or a very fashionable resort, the servantwho attends you should have five dollars, the butler five dollars, thecoachman five dollars, and the chambermaid two dollars. At smallerplaces five dollars altogether, judiciously distributed, is ample, or adollar each to three of the servants. 

The first-mentioned amounts can be placed in envelopes and given to theservant attending you for the others. All this is a question ofresources, and there are many men who avoid invitations to the largecountry houses in the East and North because they can not afford thetips. In England, when one is invited to the shooting, one tips thegamekeeper one to five pounds, according to the extent of the bag andduration of visit. 

The usual method of inviting men in this country for a short stay isfrom Friday or Saturday until Monday. It has often been a puzzle to themas to what they should take in their bag or how much luggage they shouldcarry. At most not more than a good-sized bag or valise and perhaps ahatbox. For an evening's stay a dress-suit case is sufficient. In yourvalise must be placed your evening clothes, and if the party is to besomewhat of an informal one, I would also take my dinner jacket. If youare going to a very fashionable resort, a black frock coat, waistcoat, and fancy trousers would not be amiss, but in that case you would havealso to take a hatbox for your top hat. Of recent years men in thecountry have been consulting their comfort more than absolute accuracyin the details of dress. Even at garden parties, at church, and atafternoon teas during the month of August at Newport, which is, afterall, only the fashionable metropolis transported to another locality forthe summer, you seldom see a frock coat or a top hat. Unless you aresure that there will be an occasion where these would be positivelyrequired, I would not take them, especially on so short a visit. Thelinen to be brought should consist of a dress shirt for each evening anda colored shirt for each morning, half a dozen handkerchiefs, twocomplete changes of underclothes, three pairs of ordinary and two pairsof black silk hose, and a pair of pyjamas. Take three of your ties forday wear and four white lawn for evening, and one black in case you areto use your dinner jacket. Slippers for the bedroom and pumps forevening wear should complete the clothing carried, unless you take yourfrock coat, when you would have to bring patent leather boots to wearwith afternoon dress. I have given rather a liberal allowance ofarticles for a short stay, but one must be prepared for accidents oremergencies. It is better to take an extra shirt, or a change ofunderclothes, or a few more ties than one could ordinarily use, so thatsome _contretemps_ would not cause great annoyance and inconvenience. Inthe absence of a dressing case, care must be taken of the articles forthe toilet. The tooth, nail, and shaving brushes, the sponges andwashrags, should be packed in little waterproof silk bags, which can beobtained at a small price at any chemist's. Your host or hostess shouldprovide you with soap, but I would not take the risk. I should bring myown in a little metal soapbox or well wrapped in thick paper. Yourshaving articles, a shoehorn, button hook, nail file, small pair of nailscissors, tooth powder, or listerine should not be forgotten. The largearticles, your combs and your brushes, can all be wrapped separately intissue paper. It would be gallant of you to bring a box of sweets foryour hostess. 

If you are asked to play golf, it might be more convenient to travel inyour golf togs, which would serve as a lounge suit. But in that case apair of long trousers to match your coat and waistcoat, or an entirelounge suit should be carried, as on Sunday you would be veryuncomfortable in golf dress, and somewhat out of place. Or you might putyour "knickers" in the bag, and wear the coat and waistcoat with longtrousers. 

CHAPTER XI. 

A BACHELOR'S SERVANTS. 

As soon as a bachelor begins to branch out a little and to have anapartment or a house or a country establishment, though the latter beonly a fishing or a hunting box, he must hire servants. The generalservant is perhaps the one most universally employed. Many bachelorshire some middle-aged woman who not only does the cooking, but takescare of the apartment, valets him, and waits at table when he has gueststo dinner. Others employ a man to look after them, who is valet andgeneral _factotum_, and others again, with larger establishments, a manand wife. The former does the valeting, the waiting, and is steward andbutler, while the woman attends to the cooking and laundry. There arequite a number of bachelor households of this description in our largecities, the occupants being several in number and clubbing together. Oneis appointed treasurer, and the butler and cook are hired at a statedprice and receive a certain sum for catering. When good servants of thiskind are found they are treasures. 

All menservants should be clean shaven. A short bit of side whiskers--_àla_ mutton chop--is allowed; but under no circumstances should they havebearded faces or wear a mustache. Their linen and attire should befaultless. In the treatment of servants a man must exercise an ironwill. He can be kind and considerate, but he must never descend todispute with one, and certainly not swear at him. To be on familiarterms with one's servants shows the cloven foot of vulgarity. Dischargea servant at once when he is disrespectful or when he is careless in hisduties or in his conduct. When asking for anything there is no necessityof forgetting the elements of true politeness, nor is it a blot on yourdeportment to utter a civil "thank you" for a service performed. Allservants should address you as "Sir, " and when called should reply "Yes, sir, " and certainly not "All right. " Your menservants touch their hatsto you on receiving orders in the open, on being addressed, and uponyour appearance. Encourage your servants now and then by a kind word, and see that they have good and wholesome food, clean and comfortablequarters. Once in a while give them a holiday, or an evening off, a cashremembrance at Christmas, and from time to time some part of yourwardrobe or cast-off clothing. They are just like children, and must betreated with the rigor and mild discipline which a schoolmaster usestoward his pupils. In all their movements they should be noiseless andas automatic as possible in their actions. 

And now for particular servants hired by a bachelor:

The _groom_ is, with the exception of the general servant, the firstdomestic likely to be in the employ of an unmarried man of moderatemeans. When a bachelor becomes a horse owner he can never be tooparticular about his turnouts and his liveries. The groom in the city orat a fashionable watering place should have two liveries--one for dressoccasions and the other for what is known as a "stable suit. " Thelatter, which is a simple English tweed or whipcord, made with a cutawaycoat of the same material, will answer perfectly well for the country, where it is ridiculous to have elaborate liveries. A square brown Derbyis worn with this suit, brown English driving gloves, and a whiteplastron or coachman's scarf. This flat scarf is the badge ofdistinction between the house and stable servant. No tie pin nortrinkets of any description should be allowed servants. The best dresslivery is a frock coat, single-breasted, of kersey, the color of yourlivery; white buckskin riding breeches, top boots, top hat, whiteplastron, standing collar, and brown driving gloves. One distinctivecolor should be used, not only for your liveries but also for yourtraps, as well as one kind of harness. The cockade on the hat is theprivilege abroad of ambassadors; it is bad form. Besides the care ofyour horse or horses, your groom must be a species of outside generalservant, ready to go on errands or attend to the numerous duties of amanservant about a country place. By no means can he be substituted fora valet, a butler, or an indoor servant. When he brings your trap to thedoor he holds the animals' heads until you are seated, when he toucheshis hat and lets go the reins. If he is to sit behind in the trap hemust hold himself upright with folded arms. He alights immediately thetrap is stopped, running all errands, and holding the horses until thedrive is resumed. He sometimes accompanies his master when the latterrides. He brings his horse to the door and holds it until the mount. Hefollows, occasionally, on another horse at a respectful distance. Shouldyou be wealthy enough to have also a coachman, your groom can act assecond man on the box. A coachman's dress livery consists of adouble-breasted long coachman's coat, top boots, and buckskin breeches, white flat plastron, high collar and top hat, and brown driving gloves. When both servants are employed the groom is under the orders of thecoachman as regards the stable work. 

_The Valet. _--Of course a valet is a luxury. A man can valet himselfvery easily, and if the instructions given in the chapters on the Careof Clothes and The Toilet are followed carefully, I hardly think thatyou would need such a personage. A woman can be perfectly trained tovalet a man. Your general servant can also, and is required to fill thisposition. If you live at a club the club valet will attend to yourclothes, and perform the duties of a private servant. There are"valeting companies" organized in many large cities, which take entirecharge of your wardrobe, and again there are valets who are hired byseveral men clubbing together, and who are very capable servants. Theindividual valet, however, is a very valuable aid to a young bachelor ofwealth, especially if he is a man of leisure, or if he goes out a greatdeal in society. A valet's duties are first and principally the entirecharge of his master's wardrobe and toilet, the details of which havebeen given in previous chapters. They begin an hour or so before themaster rises, when clothes are to be pressed and put in order, boots andshoes to be polished and placed on their trees, and the costume of theday to be made ready. If possible, a small room is provided for him ashis workshop. 

At the hour for rising, the valet enters his master's room very quietly, and, if he is awake, pulls up the shades and lets in the daylight. Thebath is then prepared, and while that is being taken the newspapers, mail, and breakfast tray are brought in, and the valet waits for orders. Some men require their valets to shave them, but the majority simplyintrust the care of their razors to them, preferring to perform thatoperation themselves. The valet assists his master in dressing, and, when the toilet is finished, ties or buttons the boots, arranges thespats, and gives a final brush to the clothes. He then fetches thestick, gloves, and hat. During the day he may be employed on errands, in answering tradespeople, in paying bills, or in any minor occupationsof that kind. A first-class servant of this character should not only besteward but secretary. When writing letters for his master he shouldwrite them in the third person, and also sign them "Respectfully yours, JOHN SMITH, _valet_. "

A valet is told of the engagements of the day, and has the clothesarranged accordingly, and he must be at his post. In the evening thedress suit is laid out, with choice of ties and two coats, the formaland informal, or Tuxedo. A valet must be at the rooms when his masterretires. In traveling he takes care of the luggage, tickets, and all thelittle annoying details. He travels second class abroad, and in thiscountry he should never be allowed to be a passenger in a drawing-roomcar with his master. The valet wears no livery. He dresses quietly in aplain sack suit of dark material, and wears a Derby hat. Should he berequired to wait on table, he dresses in semi-livery if the affair is aluncheon, and in evening dress if it is a dinner. 

The _butler_ is a very rare functionary in a bachelor's establishment, only the wealthiest being able to afford him. The valet or generalservant acts as butler, and when in this position he should always havea black coat on when answering the bell. 

I have used the terms throughout this chapter of "master" and "servant. "Employer and employee are correct only when the relations between thetwo persons are not of a domestic character. 

The most fashionable and efficient menservants are of English, Scotch, or Irish birth or descent. Japanese make excellent valets. Coloredcoachmen and grooms are not the vogue in New York or vicinity, but theyare seen in the South. Very wealthy bachelors have introduced a fad forEast Indian servants, but at present only a few of these have beenemployed, and those at Newport. 

CHAPTER XII. 

THE DANCE. 

This is certainly a most important subject, and one which can not belightly treated. I have thought it better to use exclusively the NewYork forms, which differ somewhat from the English, the French, andcontinental, as well as from a certain code of etiquette prevailing inother American cities. 

I shall therefore, as we have no State balls or ceremonials of thatcharacter, consider public assemblages, a few of which are patronized bysociety in New York and elsewhere. 

Of absolutely public balls the only one which society attends is theCharity. In New York this has fallen somewhat in fashionable popularity, although efforts are being made to revive it. In Chicago and in othercities it is still a very fashionable function. It is there wellpatronized and is considered smart. Tickets to the Charity are sold bya number of lady patronesses, and you are apt to receive one or severalfrom some of them, if you are a rich young man, with a request topurchase. If the note states that you are expected to be a guest you aresimply to answer it, as you would any other invitation, and certainlynot to inclose any money. Patronesses frequently are named because it isexpected that they will purchase quite a number of tickets. And here letme give a useful hint. In sending money to this and for charitableentertainments in general, always do it by check; never inclose bills. If you must use cash, keep it for your small tradespeople. 

Everything may be said to have its price at a Charity Ball. Supper issometimes included with the ticket. The repast is usually rather poor, but then you must remember it is for charity. Perhaps you will be askedsome time in advance by the patronesses to be one in the "grand march. "The "grand march" proper is a form of exhibition long since relegated toballs of the "Tough Boys' Coterie" and other assemblages of the sameclass. But it has survived, in place of a lancers or quadrille of honor, at the Charity Ball, and we have either to go through with it or watchit from the boxes with Christian patience. If you are to take part, Iwould advise you to present yourself at the hall or opera house aboutnine o'clock. The floor manager will do the rest. You are to offer yourleft arm to the lady you are taking out, and you march around the placein regular line, sometimes once, sometimes twice, and the agony is over. The company assembled does not join in this ceremony, and the formationof figures and countermarches is an affair in vogue at balls of adifferent class, which I should imagine none of my readers wouldpatronize or even "hear tell of, " except through the newspapers. 

The Inauguration Ball in Washington, as well as the New Years'receptions at the different embassies' and secretaries' houses, arepublic functions to which the populace get admittance. They are crushesof the worst description, and at many of them refreshments are served. Except to make an obeisance to your distinguished host and hostess--ifto the President, shaking hands with him--no other ceremony is needed. 

At Newport and at other watering places there are during the seasonsemipublic dances at the Casino. Any one who subscribes to that place ofamusement is entitled to all the social privileges. The tickets can beobtained from the secretary or his agent. 

In every city there is an assembly or dancing organization on the linesof the Patriarchs and Matriarchs in New York. This is in itself notoriginal with the "Four Hundred"--vulgar term!--but was copied from theSt. Cecilia, the most exclusive affair of the kind in aristocraticCharleston, where it has existed since the days of the Revolution. Theassemblies proper in New York are called the Matriarchs. Thearrangements are in the hands of a number of fashionable women insteadof men. The plan of all these organizations is practically the same. Inorder to make matters easy and to pilot my reader through theintricacies of a fashionable ball, I will suppose that he is a strangerin New York, with some smart friends, and that he is going either to thePatriarchs' or to the Assembly. The rules laid down will hold good forother cities. Your first intimation may be while visiting at the houseof one of the patrons or patronesses, when your hostess or host may askyou if you would like to go to the Assembly or the Patriarchs'. If youhave no other engagement for that evening--and I think it would bepolicy for you to make others subservient to this--you should replythat you would be delighted to do so. Your host or hostess will then saythat he or she will send you a ticket. This may be one way, or you mayreceive a note asking if you are free for that particular date, whether"would you like to go to the Assembly?" etc. , or again, you might simplyreceive a note with a ticket. In any one of these cases, just as soon asyou receive the ticket you must answer your correspondent immediately, accepting, or, if you can not go, regretting and returning it. You mustremember that all tickets are personal and each Patriarch or eachpatroness has only a certain number. 

I would, if there were time between the date for the ball and thereception of your ticket, call or leave cards personally on your hostessor host for the evening, according to rules in a former chapter. I donot believe this is considered necessary in New York, and perhaps somepeople would think you were straining a point, but New York "society"manners to-day are not all that could be desired. 

The evening arrives. Balls and dances are theoretically supposed tobegin at ten o'clock. You can safely go a little after eleven. You willbe early enough. Your ticket is received, your hat and coat removed, your hat check given, and you proceed to the ballroom. 

It is almost needless for me to tell you how to dress for this occasion. At dances of any kind, formal evening dress is required. 

On entering the room, if it is at the Assembly, you will encounter aline of patronesses. You should make a low, sweeping bow to them and, ifconvenient, speak to your hostess, be it only a few words of greeting. If not at that time, select a later hour in the evening. No one shakeshands. 

You look around to find your friends and acquaintances. At thePatriarchs' the chaperons sit upon a raised platform, or dais, I mightcall it, all together. Their charges, once away from them, are aroundthe rooms. In nearly all the cities, except New York, every guest isprovided with a dancing card, which makes the keeping of dancingengagements a part of the festivity. New York is too large for suchthings, and dancing cards have been relegated to the realms of innocuousdesuetude. However, if you are at a ball or a dance in another citywhere they are used, your first duty would be to have your engagementsfilled. You should remain with your partner after each dance until hernext cavalier appears. 

New Yorkers are sensible, if only for this reason, for having banishedthe dance card. It is hard for a man to tell a woman he must leave her, but I think it is better by far to do so than to appear rude to yoursucceeding partner. A woman who has so little regard for you and suchselfish consideration for herself does not deserve to be handled withgloves. And yet it needs a heroic soul to abandon her in a crowdedballroom, even if it is to lead her back to her chaperon. 

In New York everything is simplified. There exist no such socialcomplications. Everybody is more or less grouped together, and yougenerally know in which part of the room you are to find your friends. You exchange greetings with the women you know, and if you wish to askone of them to dance, you say, "May I have the pleasure of this turnwith you?" or "Can I have a turn with you?" It is absolutely impossibleto keep dance engagements, and you are obliged, perhaps, to snatch adance whenever you can get it. After your turn you must always manage tostop at about the point where you began. You will be sure to find yourpartner's chaperon just at that place. There are two reasons forthis--one is that the man with whom your partner has engaged weeks, ifnot months, before (one has to do this in New York) to dance thecotillon has reserved his chairs there, and she has told many of herfriends just about in which part of the ballroom she may be found; andanother is that New York women, under all circumstances, keep adistinctive place in a ballroom. 

A gentleman never dances without gloves. He always puts them on beforeentering the ballroom. A man should dance easily and gracefully, andlook as if he were enjoying himself. He should be careful about guidingand not running into people. Swinging the hands is vulgar and unsightly. The waltz seems to survive all other forms of dancing, but there isevery now and then a revival of the polka. Two steps and fancy dancesare the vogue at summer hotels, but not at smart functions. 

The quadrille of to-day is the simple lancers, and some years ago it wasa silly fad to pretend not to remember the figures. A little life andspirit are sometimes introduced in the lancers when the gathering issmall, and among intimate friends there is more or less occasion for it. The barn dance has gone out of fashion entirely in America, but ourEnglish cousins, especially those living in the country and in Suburbia, are very fond of it. Balls frequently end with Sir Roger de Coverley, the English form of the Virginia reel. 

About two o'clock supper is announced, and this is done all over theworld, I believe, by the strains of the Priests' March in Norma. So itwas in my grandfather's day, and so it is to-day and was at the verylast Patriarchs', the very last Assembly, and the very last large ballat Newport. Engagements for supper are made in New York weeks or evenmonths beforehand. You should settle this with your partner, and assupper is served at tables of parties of four or six, an agreeablequartette or sextette can be secured. Parties are never less than four, and a girl who sups alone with a man, even at the Patriarchs', isconsidered very fast, and by such impudent behavior would lose caste. You should arrange with your partner, therefore, to be as near thesupper-room door as possible about the supper hour. There is always arush and a crush, and no tables are reserved except those for thepatronesses or the Patriarchs. Two of the party should get in early andreserve the table and wait until the rest arrive. Ball suppers arenearly all alike. Four or five courses, which commence with oysters, are followed by bouillon, and then terrapin and birds, and salad andices, fruit and coffee. Three kinds of wine are served, and champagneforms the chief. Many matrons even will not allow their daughters to goto supper without being chaperoned, and so when you ask your partner shewill sometimes have her parents obtain the table. Should you be asked tothe table of one of the patronesses, you will have a partner providedfor you. Remember the first engagement should always be kept, and if apatroness should honor you with such an invitation, and you have madeprior arrangements, you should at once explain by note your position, which will be a sufficient excuse to your would-be hostess. 

After supper the cotillon, or German, as it is sometimes called, isdanced. 

CHAPTER XIII. 

THE COTILLON. 

At large balls, like the Patriarchs', there is hardly time for more thantwo or three figures and one favor figure. It is almost useless for meto go into the history of the cotillon, and I do not believe that itwould be of any service to my readers. We imported it from France aboutthe same time as the English, and it owes its origin, I believe, toGermany. For the past thirty years it has been a favorite form of dance. It is picturesque and amusing, and, besides, gives the opportunity forthe exchange among the dancers of pretty trifles provided by thegenerosity of the host. At large semipublic balls like the Patriarchs'(I use "semipublic" simply because given by a number and not in aprivate house) the favors are very simple, but at special cotillons orat those danced at private houses they are extremely elaborate andcostly. 

Cotillon seats are generally secured in the early part of the evening bytying handkerchiefs to the backs of the chairs. At the Patriarchs' andother large balls they can be secured by arrangement with one of thestewards, as each Patriarch has so many reserved for him, and the maninvited by one of them can obtain permission and ask for two of hishost's seats. But this is not usual, and is known as a "little trick ofthe trade. "

To be a successful leader of cotillons it requires the skill and thetact of a general--I might almost say of a Napoleon Bonaparte. One'stalents should not be altogether in one's heels and one's toes. Theleader must be an excellent dancer and a firm disciplinarian. He mustsee that the wall flowers have an occasional turn, and that every onegets at least one favor. As he has to marshal a large force of people heis bound to find among them--of course in the orthodox society manner--afew turbulent spirits, a few who would mutiny, and who must be taughttheir places in a conciliatory but positive manner. 

The cotillon in New York is generally danced after supper. It lastsabout two hours. At large balls two figures are all that can be danced, owing to the number of guests. Sometimes it is led by two couples. Aleader frequently dances stag--that is, without a partner. All mendancing without partners are called stags. These usually have theirplace by the door and are given their turn last. The leader mustannounce after supper the time for the cotillon to begin. He must seethat the partners are all in their places. The favor table is generallyplaced at the end of the room opposite the doors, but this depends onthe shape and the style of the apartment. 

Formerly a cotillon leader used a whistle for the different figures;to-day, however, he simply claps his hands to denote the changes. 

It is almost unnecessary here to illustrate the form of the cotillon. Itconsists in waltzes and sometimes polkas, danced by eight, ten, ortwelve couples at a time. The couples are seated in chairs around theroom, the men without partners known as the stags being near the door. The leader begins the first figure, which is usually the simplest one, by "taking out" or choosing a partner and motioning the first four, six, or eight couples with places nearest him on one or both sides of theroom to rise. All waltz. After a turn around the room the leader stopsand claps his hands. The partners all separate, and each of them goesand chooses a new one--the man a new woman, the woman who was hispartner a new man. The figure is then arranged and danced. After theevolution required by the figure is finished there is another shortwaltz, and the dancers return to their places. The leader then calls outthe next party, and this is repeated until every one in the room has hada turn. The stags are called out last. Having no partners to dance with, each has the privilege of taking out two ladies--the first before thefigure is formed, and the second when the change of partners issignalled by the leader. The leader directs the figures and dances allthe time. 

Every second figure is one for the distribution of favors. The sameprocedure occurs, and when the leader claps his hands the dancersseparate, waiting for the favors to be distributed. The latest custom isfor the leader and his partner to carry around the favors, to thecouples whose turn comes next. He gives to the ladies, she to the men. The scramble at the favor table has been abolished. The men presenttheir favors to the new partners whom they select, and the women dolikewise. It is very embarrassing and not good form to give your favorto the partner with whom you are dancing the cotillon. Favors must besufficient in quantity not only to go once all around, but there shouldbe some left over, as the advent of the stags gives the ladies a doublechance to bestow favors upon men. The most graceful way of offering afavor is to present it with a little bow. Try and locate the placeswhere your friends are sitting. It is certainly rude, if nottantalizing, to search through a long row of girls dangling a favor. Itis not difficult in the figures to become well acquainted with the localgeography. Matrons are asked frequently to preside at the favor tables, but recently some of the floral trifles are brought in arranged in asedan chair of flowers, at which two powdered lackeys are stationed, like the linkboys of old. Originality, however, has not been rampant incotillons. Favor figures are the most popular. The woman who brings thegreatest number of favors from a cotillon scores an undoubted triumph. She comes from the ballroom flushed and delighted, carrying with her thetrophies of her victory, which she is pleased to call her "scalps. "Social obligations are often paid off by men in this way. 

Of the few cotillon figures danced in New York society, the grand chainis the most popular and the simplest. The number of couples called bythe leader form themselves in a ring around the room. At his signalthey face each other and dance the right and left grand chain, the mento the right and the women to the left, until the original parties arebrought together, when all waltz. 

The _Sir Roger de Coverley figure_ is formed in lines of four abreast, the men standing together on the inside, and the women next to theirpartners on the outside of the line. When the leader signals, the womenadvance quickly, one after the other, to the head of the line. The menthen join hands, forming an arch, as in Sir Roger de Coverley; thewomen, passing under two by two, meeting their partners, waltz withthem. 

In the snake figure--one which is very seldom danced--quite a largenumber of couples are called, who form a ring around the room. Theleader, taking the hand of one of the men, breaks the chain, and thecouples are wound around until they come together in a knot, when thesignal is given to them to waltz. The wheel figure is somewhat similar, and is quite a romp. 

In the ring figure another evolution is borrowed from the lancers. Ringsof four couples form through the room. The men raise their arms and thewomen pass through, dancing with the men in the next ring, and so on, until they get to the top of the room, the men remaining stationary. Then a grand march, men to the left, ladies to the right, is formed, andthe partners meet and dance. 

The Maypole and all complicated figures which require the use of toys or_papier-maché_ articles are not in vogue in New York. In Paris thesetrifles, such as vegetables and heads of animals and other gewgaws, passfor favors, as well as to lend a variety to the cotillon. In New Yorkvery handsome souvenirs have superseded these. 

Frequently in large cotillons in New York the blank or nonfavor figuresare danced only once without change of partners, as in the snake orgrand chain; otherwise the cotillon would be interminable. The leadercalls out a number of couples and goes through the figure at once, theoriginal partners dancing all the time with each other. I have givenboth forms, and although the first explanation may seem to those who goout every year antiquated, it is still the vogue for small andconsequently enjoyable cotillons. 

CHAPTER XIV. 

A BACHELOR'S LETTERS. 

Letter writing is an art, and there is no pleasure equal to that ofreceiving and reading a chatty and well-worded epistle from some dearfriend. I have some packets of letters preserved to-day that I read andreread. They are always fresh and interesting to me. They are a completeindex to the character of the writer, and they serve, after long yearshave passed, to bring up again delightful pictures of days and sceneswhich were brighter. However, there is one rule a man must observe:never keep a compromising letter--if you should receive one--especiallyfrom a woman. Sometimes women are foolish and careless, and they allowtheir pens to run away with them. They bitterly regret their folly, andthe very idea that there exists somewhere a packet of letters whichwould bring serious trouble, if not ruin, upon them and those they love, is a cause of constant grief and worry. I know that there are letterswritten by one once dear, but now perhaps turned fickle or false, orseparated from us forever, from which we feel loath to part; but we mustbe men and reduce to ashes what would hurt in the very least degree orcast a reflection upon an innocent if silly woman. Suppose you were todie suddenly, and among your papers these letters were found, with youalone, dumb in death, perhaps, only able to vindicate the unfortunatewriter. We must think of those things. They belong to the _personnel_not only of a true gentleman, but they appeal to our common sense. 

Character is frequently judged by handwriting. Write a good, clear, legible hand, without any flourishes, and always use the best and theblackest of ink. The typewriter is employed only for businesscorrespondence. 

For social correspondence use only Irish-linen white note paper, unruled, with square envelopes to match. Fancy or tinted note paper ofany kind is vulgar. If you have a permanent residence your address canbe legibly engraved in one color, usually blue or scarlet, at the headof the first sheet. If you are a member of a club, the club note paperis proper for all social correspondence. If you want to, use your crestin lieu of address, but this practice is somewhat strained in thiscountry. Always add the date in writing. In letters, the day, the month, and the year should be written. In notes you only put the day--forinstance, "Saturday the twenty-second. " The best signature is "Sincerelyyours, " and not "Yours sincerely. " In England the quaint "Faithfullyyours" is used for business correspondence. Tradespeople and servantsonly sign "Respectfully yours. "

In America we "esquire" all men who are our equals. A butcher, a baker, a tailor or other person, when we order supplies, we address as "Mr. "The abbreviation "Esq. " is the usual form. In England you would write toa duke and address the letter "The Duke of Buckingham"; to a knight, "Sir Thomas Appleby"; to an earl or a marquis, "Lord Dufferin"--that is, supposing the letter would be a social one. 

In writing to a friend or in answer to an invitation or a note, youwould begin, "My dear Mrs. Brown, " "My dear Mr. Brown, " or even "My dearBrown, " but never "Dear Miss Brown, " "Dear Mrs. Brown, " or "Dear Brown, "unless you were on terms of great intimacy with them. But if the letteris a strictly business one, and the term "Sir" or "Sirs" is used, thenyou would be obliged to drop the possessive pronoun. A very formal or abusiness letter would begin thus:

 _John Smith, Esq. , _ _# 22 Pacific Avenue, Brooklyn, N. Y. _

 _Dear Sir_:

and not "My dear Sir. "

A business letter to a woman demands, however, the possessive "My, "thus: "My dear Madam. "

To a firm, one writes:

 _Messrs. John Smith & Co. , _ _Dear Sirs_:

and never "Gentlemen"--a most ridiculous form of address. 

The clergy are addressed "Reverend and dear Sir. " A bishop is "RightReverend and dear Sir, " and an archbishop "Most Reverend and dear Sir. "In this republican country all other dignitaries can be addressed as"Dear Sir. "

Formal invitations are written in the third person, also lettersaddressed to tradespeople. 

The address on a letter should be written about the middle of theenvelope, the street and number a little to the right, and the name ofthe city and State in the corner. All notes or letters to people in thesame city should be directed simply with the post-office name withoutthe State, unless it is a very small town, or it bears a name such asAugusta or Columbus, of which there are more than one in the UnitedStates. Thus:

 _Mrs. John Brown, _ _# 227 Euclid Avenue, _ _Cleveland. _

The stamp should be placed neatly in the right-hand corner. The mailto-day is almost the quickest means of delivery, and a special ten-centstamp will insure, in a large city, a more prompt reception of yourepistle than if you intrusted it to the tender mercies of a messengerboy. 

Your paper should fold once in the middle. There is nothing so awkwardor so apt to give a bad impression as a letter improperly folded. It isbulky and unsightly. Private letters should always be sealed with wax, in color dark green or red. Black is used for mourning. In sealing aletter be careful to make a neat effect, and not to smear the wax allover the envelope. The seal is then stamped with your monogram, or, ifyou insist upon it, with your crest, but never with your coat of arms. For the purpose of sealing letters men use their seal rings or a littlestamp which can be obtained at any silversmith's. When writing from theclub you can use the club stamp. Business letters are moistened andgummed, a little damp sponge being used for this purpose. To moistenenvelopes with the tongue is nasty. 

Letters written on hotel or business paper should be confined to thecommercial world. Your friends and acquaintances should not receivethem. Sometimes, when writing from a very interesting place to a veryintimate friend or to relatives, hotel paper may be used, as you wouldlike your correspondent to see a picture of the house at which you arestopping. 

Every gentleman should, however, carry in his portmanteau a flatportfolio with writing materials and a traveling inkstand. 

Your personal correspondence should be a reflection of yourself. Bepithy, bright, and witty. Give the news and innocent gossip, but bewareof making statements in letters which you can not substantiate. Aboveall, think twice before you pen a harsh or an unkind word, even if areproof be merited. 

In business letters be brief and to the point. 

There are two kinds of letters which sometimes puzzle thewriter--letters of condolence and letters of congratulation. A letter ofcondolence--as will be explained in the chapter on Funerals--is due fromyou at the death of a near or dear friend to the relative orrelatives--if you feel that you know them all well enough to addressmore than one epistle of sympathy--nearest and dearest to the deceased. Usually one letter is sufficient, but sometimes it may occur that youfeel that you should also write to others. Make it as natural aspossible. Avoid all stilted phrases and studied efforts at consolation. A few words is all that is necessary. If you have been on intimate termswith the family wire them your sympathy, and write a week or soafterward. 

Letters of congratulation are much easier to compose. On the occasion ofthe announcement of an engagement of a friend, or in answer to hisletter announcing the happy event, or on the arrival of any good fortuneto those of whom you are fond or for whom you have a high regard, aletter of congratulation is necessary or acceptable. All lettersannouncing sad or joyous news should receive an immediate reply. 

CHAPTER XV. 

THE BACHELOR'S CLUB. 

Club life in America is a growth of recent years. It is now so firmlyestablished, and it is so popular that there is not a village or even asettlement in the United States which has not at least its casino, orits little coterie organized for golf, tennis, athletic, or merelysocial enjoyment. All of these, from the great metropolitan clubs of thecities down to the very humblest in the "wilds, " are governed by clublaws and are regulated by club etiquette. In New York, now a city ofclubs, this etiquette differs much from that observed in London, Paris, or any of the large continental centers. In London, a man is identifiedwith his club. He rarely belongs to more than one, and his membershipthere denotes his social standing, his pursuits in life, and, above all, his politics. English clubs are also very jealous of admittance ofstrangers, and are not in the least hospitable to the foreigner. Thereare exceptions to this among the literary, theatrical, and Bohemianorganizations, but the Pall Mall clubs are "closed. " In New York, Boston, Chicago, and other American cities there are organizations whichinsist upon certain qualifications, such as being a university man, alawyer, an author, a physician, or a member of a college fraternity, foradmittance; but then the members also belong to other clubs, where theirsocial standing, or perhaps the extent of their bank account, is theirpassport. 

If a man wishes to get on socially, he should belong to at least onegood club. It gives him his standing in the community, and places him. He is no longer on the list of the unidentified. 

When a choice is made of a club which you desire to join, the next stepwould be to have two members in good standing to act as yoursponsors--one proposes your name and the other seconds. A good sponsoris necessary, and you should choose one who has many friends in theorganization of which you desire to become a member. The president, officers, and the governing committee are debarred from either proposingor seconding a name for membership. The term of a man's novitiatedepends upon the state of the waiting list. Your proposer will notifyyou when your name will be reached, as he himself will be notified inwriting by the committee on membership. The rules of candidacy differ invarious clubs. In some, the name of the candidate with those of the twomembers proposing him is exposed in a conspicuous place where the entireclub can see it. There is also a book in which other members sign theapplication, and the number of signatures, of course, has weight withthe governors. 

Again, the name is inscribed in a book kept for the purpose in thesteward's office, and it is not necessary that any other indorsementexcept that of your sponsors be made. 

Any member objecting to the name of a candidate has two methods by whichhe can make known his objection. One is to write directly to thegovernors, or to the committee on admissions and membership, whichever, according to the laws of the club, has the matter in hand. Usually it isthe governing committee or board of governors. This communication istreated, as are all club matters, with the secrecy of the confessional. Your sponsors are written to and the objections stated, but the name ofthe person objecting is withheld. The other method is, if any one has anobjection to your admission, that he should go at once in a manly way toone of your sponsors and state it. It is a rare occurrence in a New Yorkclub that any candidate is black-balled. The warning from the governingcommittee, or from another member to the sponsors, is a word to thewise, and the men who propose you should immediately withdraw your nameto avoid a disaster. Otherwise a very great risk is run, as objectionswhich have any foundation have great weight with the governingcommittee. 

In the clubs where the names of the candidates are kept only in a smallbook, while on the waiting list they are posted ten days before theelection in a conspicuous part of the clubhouse. No candidate can beelected to a club who is not personally known to two or more members ofthe governing committee. A short time before election, if the candidatehas not this acquaintance, it is the duty of his sponsors to take himaround and introduce him, or to arrange that he will meet thesegentlemen in some way; otherwise his name will go over; and after twosetbacks of this kind, it will be rejected. 

On the election of a candidate--the balloting being done by thegoverning committee--the sponsors are notified, sometimes by posting andotherwise simply by letter. The secretary of the club will let the newmember know immediately of his election, and the letter, which isusually a form, will also notify him that his admission fee and yearlydues are payable. The admission or entrance fee to a club is from onehundred to two hundred dollars in the well-known New York organizations, and the yearly dues are from seventy-five to one hundred dollars. Thesemust be paid at once by check. The rules of most clubs allow athirty-day limit. If you are so fortunate as to be admitted after thedate of the yearly meeting, you will only be liable for one half thecurrent yearly dues; otherwise you pay the entire amount. 

It is now the duty of the sponsors to introduce their newly electedcandidate to the club. This is an easy matter. One of them will go withyou, sit in the general smoking or lounging room, and make youacquainted with one or two of his friends. The responsibility is thenover. 

Club etiquette is very simple. It is only the application of the usualrules of courtesy observed in private life. The club is your home. Youshould behave there as you would in your own house as host, andconsequently your conduct toward your fellow-members should becharacterized by the utmost consideration. 

The average clubhouse has a large room on the ground or first floorwhich is used for smoking, reading, the newspapers, and "living"generally. On the floors above there are the dining rooms, the library, and reading and card rooms. The billiard room occupies a specialquarter, according to the plan of the house. 

A clever man said that there was but one rule of clubhouse etiquettedifferent from the general laws of manners, and that was to keep yourhat on. This is true, but then there are many others. Men do not takeoff their hats on entering a club, and do not remove them in any roomexcept that in which they dine. All social clubs are more or less"closed. " Visitors are only allowed under certain restrictions. Thegeneral rule is that a member may invite to the use of the club for aperiod of ten consecutive days any one not a resident of the city, butcan have no more than one guest at a time. No stranger shall beintroduced a second time unless he shall have been absent from the citythree months. In some clubs a member may introduce as a visitor aresident of the city, but he can have no more than one such guest at atime. No person shall be introduced more than once in twelve months. Other clubs are open to the admission of visitors at certain periods, and others again have ladies' days, at which a reception to the fairfriends of the members is given. All this depends on the rules of theclub. As soon as you are made a member you are given a little book inwhich these are contained, and you should study them carefully. The nameof a guest should be entered on the visitors' book with that of hishost. If the visitor is put up for a certain period a card to the clubis sent him, and during his stay he has all the privileges of a member. He can run up an account, but he should certainly settle it before histerm expires, otherwise his host will be held responsible. 

A clubman never pays an attendant for refreshment or food served. Gratuities of any kind to servants are forbidden. When refreshment isrequired, you press the electric bell, of which there are a number inall the rooms, and the attendant comes to you for your order. When hebrings it he has with it a check which you sign. These checks are, ofcourse, debited to you, and you receive your bill once a month, or youcan make arrangements to pay at the steward's or cashier's desk daily. 

You order your meals in the same manner, and when they are ready, theservant will notify you. 

At most of the clubs smoking is not permitted in the dining rooms untilafter nine, nor are refreshments allowed to be served in the visitors'room or library at any time. Books and magazines are not to be removedfrom the reading room or library, nor any publication belonging to theclub from the clubhouse. 

There is still a prejudice against pipe smoking in many of the clubs, and you must consult the rules before you attempt this practice. A mandoes not remove his coat or sit in his shirtsleeves in any of the publicrooms. An allowance, however, is made in the billiard room. 

The loud-voiced man is one of the nuisances of a club. Loud talking maybe endured in the smoking or general room, but certainly not in thelibrary or the reading rooms. 

The "kicker" is another objectionable person. He should remember thatthe best way of rectifying abuses is to send to the house committee allcomplaints of any deficiency in the service of the club, of overcharges, mistakes, or defects. The club is not a place to conduct one'scommercial interests. Invitations and special correspondence can beconducted on club paper, but certainly it is a breach of club etiquetteto use it for business purposes. 

The man who bows to a woman from a club window is not a gentleman. Bythis action he fastens upon her the most disgraceful odium one of hersex can bear. 

The name of a woman should never be whispered in a club unless it is tosay something complimentary of her. Even this is not in good taste. 

It is not club etiquette to "treat. " You can do so if you desire, butyou are not obliged to follow this inane custom, which is born ofbar-room ethics. 

All the affairs of a club must be regarded in strict confidence. Underno consideration should that which has occurred within these sacredportals be divulged to outsiders. 

Once a year--usually at Christmas--a subscription is taken up for theemployees and servants. From five to ten dollars is the proper amount togive. 

A few clubs have a ladies' restaurant attached, where members may taketheir families or give dinners, or where the wives of members have theprivilege of giving luncheons or other entertainments. Otherwise ladiesare not admitted to the privileges of the clubhouse, except on ladies'days, and where there is an "annex" they can only avail themselves ofthat part set aside for their convenience upon the authority of amember. 

These rules pertaining to the general government of clubs have beencompiled from the constitution and by-laws of the Union, Metropolitan, Knickerbocker, Calumet, and Manhattan Clubs of New York. Theconstitutions of the Philadelphia, Boston, Washington, Chicago, SanFrancisco, and other clubs are almost identical. 

CHAPTER XVI. 

THE SPORTING BACHELOR. 

_Driving. _--Driving really comprises coaching as well as the tandem. 

A man who has any pretensions whatever to keeping his own horses ordriving should be judged by the appearance of his traps. He submitshimself to what one, to-day, might call the X-ray of criticism. Heenters a field, and he must be weighed in the balance and his positiondefined by the standard of his associates. I know of no other city inthe world where there are better groomed horses and better turned outequipages than in New York. The American in Hyde Park is shocked at theappearance of the traps in that famous driveway of fashion, and hisnational pride is gratified by observing that the smartest are ofAmerican makes. As to Paris, it is simply beyond the pale of criticism, the private turnouts, such as they are, being almost lost in a sea ofdirty, disgraceful _fiacres_. 

In the first place, your horses must be well groomed, their hoofsblackened, and their tails properly banged. I do not intend here toenter a discussion concerning the cruelty of docking horses' tails. Thesocial law is without exception. Horses with long tails are impossible. I believe banging is not accompanied by any physical pain. 

The harness, the trap itself, the coachman, and groom or grooms shouldbe as immaculate as the horses. There should not be a single item out ofgear. Every detail must be perfect. Choose some individual color foryour traps, and never change the colors of your stable any more than youwould your liveries. I have discussed fully in the chapter on Servantsthe duties of coachmen and grooms, and I refer the reader to thatsection of this book for information concerning liveries and the human_personnel_ of your trap. 

As to the color of your horses you should consult the fashion of themoment. To-day grays and bays are matched, and a person in half mourningrecently appeared on a leading thoroughfare with a black trap andharness and white horses. 

A bachelor, however, should court simplicity, and I do not even approveof an equipage with two men on the box for an unmarried man. In fact Ido not know of a single bachelor who has such a turnout. 

A coach, a tandem, a drag, or any of the array of fashionable carts, ora private hansom should limit the list. 

Coolness and absolute confidence are the requisite virtues of gooddriving. 

The driver salutes always with the whip; those on the coach with him orin the trap bow. 

Dress for driving in the city is usually that of afternoon, and a highhat is indispensable. Sometimes the huge gray coats with large buttonsand a gray topper are worn. Dogskin driving gloves and driving bootscomplete the costume. In the country one wears tweed or Scotch cheviotand a Derby hat. The man who drives mounts last, his horses' heads beingheld by the groom. His whip should be in its socket; the reins looselythrown over the horses' backs. He should spring into his seat and startimmediately. 

There is a certain smartness in driving, in the way you manage yourwhip, your horses, and the many other details, which it is the provinceof a good master of the sport to teach you. 

The fashionable hour for driving in New York is from three to five, andthe drive the Park. At Newport one drives both in the morning andevening. 

Remember, however, that the secret of your mastery over your stablesshould be your perfect knowledge of every detail. If you are a noviceyou should begin by learning the name and use of each part of yourharness. You should be able to tell at a glance if everything is right, and you can not be too severe if anything is out of gear or the animalsare not properly groomed. The best position on the box is a firm seatwith your feet close together. Drive with one hand and keep the whiphand free, except for its legitimate use in touching your horses now andthen, and in saluting. 

A man always sits with his back to the horses in a Victoria, or anyother four-seated vehicle, when there are two ladies with him. Whenthere is only one he sits by her side. He alights first with a view toassisting the ladies. He gets in last. 

It is not good form in New York for unmarried couples to drive together, unaccompanied by a chaperon. It is permitted at Newport and the countryand seaside resorts, but a groom always sits on the back seat. In thiscase the woman is frequently the whip. 

A man and a woman may drive together in the city in a hansom, althoughthis is considered unconventional. Buggy driving is not in vogue in NewYork. 

_Riding_, since the advent of the wheel, is not as fashionable anamusement in cities as formerly. 

Riding classes, which meet two evenings during the week, usually in theLenten season, are still very popular. These gatherings take place at ariding academy, and a competent riding master is in charge. 

When riding with a woman, a man should always be at her right. A woman'sriding habit falls to the left and she is mounted from the left. Inassisting her to mount, which, even when a groom is present, is thegallant thing to do, a man should grasp the bridle with the left handand hold his right so that she can step into it. The woman puts her leftfoot, therefore, in a man's right hand, and holds to the pommel with herright hand. The escort gives his arm a slight spring, and with acorresponding action on the part of the fair equestrienne, she islifted into the saddle. The man faces the near side of the horse, or theleft. He takes the reins in his right hand and with it grasps the pommelof the saddle, shortening the reins until he feels the mouth of thehorse. He inserts the left foot in the stirrup and springs into thesaddle. 

In speaking of a pommel, I wish it understood that the English saddle isused, which has no visible pommel, but that part of it is still calledby the name in lieu of another term. 

A good rider should never mount from a horse block or a fence. TheEnglish mode of riding is fashionable. The smart pace is a short canter. In trotting, a man may rise to the trot. Squaring the elbows is a triflevulgar and obsolete. In meeting acquaintances, a man should bow. A manaccompanying a lady should always keep pace with her, and never eithergo ahead or let his horse fall behind. A man riding alone should neverpass or catch up with a woman unattended. 

When one rides in New York it is only in the morning. Afternoon ridingin the Park is not the vogue it was. The New Yorker dislikes to dress upin any special costume, so that for years the fashionable afternoonriding costume was a black cutaway or morning coat, ordinary trousersstrapped under the ordinary walking boot, top hat, and gloves, but thepresent riding costume for the morning in New York and the countryconsists of whipcord or corduroy riding breeches and jacket, brownleather waistcoat, brown Derby hat, boots or leggings, and dark gloves. You can wear this in the afternoon, but the ordinary costume isconsidered smarter and more convenient. Men in New York only ride in thePark, and many of them do not belong to riding academies or havelockers. A complete change of costume is not convenient, and you neversee a New York clubman on the streets in riding togs. The eveningclasses always end with a supper and a dance. The woman's habit iseasily changed, but to appear at night in riding costume or with bootsin a drawing room is certainly absurd. To wear evening dress onhorseback, even a Tuxedo coat, is also outlandish, and thus thecompromise has been effected, and the old black diagonal cutaway broughtinto use. 

_Riding to hounds_ requires special knowledge as to the rules and theetiquette of the different hunts. These vary. The meet is generally atsome farm or country house, and you are expected to appear in theregulation hunt colors. The orthodox costume is morning coat, white orfancy waistcoat, riding breeches, top boots, crop, top hat, and huntingscarf. The master of the hounds should wear a red or scarlet frock coatand hunting cap. After the hunt there is a breakfast, and several timesduring the year a ball. At the latter festivity, members of the clubshould wear their scarlet evening coats. 

_Coaching_ is yet another of the intricate arts. I will give a fewpoints to the novice. The place of honor is the box seat and should begiven to a lady, when ladies are of the party. 

If a bachelor is a good whip, a coaching party is an excellent way forhim to entertain. The start should be from some fashionable locality intown, and eight or ten is a large party. It is needless for me to callthe attention of a whip to the importance of his drag and horses andappointments being perfect. During the progress of the coach the guardwho sits in the rear blows his horn at regular intervals. A bugle orcornet is not good form, although I have heard it in small towns. 

It may seem elementary, but for the requirements of those who have nevercoached I might as well state that the guests sit on the top and notinside the coach. A neat and serviceable team may be made with twobrowns as leaders and a brown and a bay as wheelers. To the novice thenames of these will indicate their position. 

A coaching route should be about ten to fifteen miles. A halt is made ata country club, of which the host is a member, or a hotel, whereluncheon is served. The _menu_ consists of the usual comestibles withplenty of champagne. Two hours altogether are allowed for rest, and thenthe start homeward is made. The whip should wear driving costume, withgray or black high hat. The men guests can be dressed in morningcostume, tweeds, and Derby hats, unless the occasion is one offormality, such as a coaching parade, when one should don afternoondress. The general etiquette of driving applies to coaching. 

_Wheeling_ is the popular and fashionable amusement at present writing, and it bids fair to continue so until quite late in the twentiethcentury. As yet there are no special rules of etiquette for this newsport, except that which would govern its dress. Otherwise there are therules of the road--keeping and turning to the right--and the extendingby gentlemen of those civilities which they should never forget to thefair sex, and consideration for their fellow-men. A man should alwayswait for a lady to mount, holding the bicycle. He should ride at herleft, keeping pace with her, and sufficiently near to be of assistancein case of an accident. He should dismount first and help her to do soif necessary. The present fashionable costume for cycling consists oftweed knickers and short lounge jacket of same material, brown leatheror linen waistcoat, colored shirt, with white turn-down collar and clubtie, golf stockings, and low-quartered tan wheeling shoes. A cap oftweed to match the suit completes the rig. At cycling clubs black smallclothes with dinner jacket may be worn, but as yet it is not theprevailing fashion. 

In summer very natty wheeling costumes are made of linen or crash. 

One word more as to wheeling. Owing to its popularity, many have soughtto make it vulgar and common. An idea that a man has the privilege ofaddressing any woman on a bicycle is most erroneous. You would not offersuch an impertinence to an equestrienne, and you must remember that a"wheel" is only a metal horse. To catch up with or pass unchaperoned orunescorted women wheelers is as much a breach of etiquette as to beguilty of the same vulgarity toward an unaccompanied Amazon. 

_Shooting_ deserves a few words, although shooting parties in theacceptance of the foreign and British entertainments have as yet but fewcounterparts in this country. Men chase the aniseed bag or an importedfox when riding to hounds, and when they take gun in hand it is for thepurpose of hunting big game, such as one would obtain in theAdirondacks, in the Rockies, in the Southern swamp lands, and in thewilderness of Canada. In England you may be invited for the shooting. The start is in the morning, in a party accompanied by the gamekeepers. The birds are flurried, the guns are loaded by your special attendant, and you only pause in your work of destruction for luncheon, which isserved somewhere in the woods or on the moors. You are expected to be atthe house about four, where, after changing your clothes, you appear inthe drawing room for tea. You are cautioned in these parties, in orderto avoid accident, before crossing a hedge, gate, or any other obstacle, to remove your cartridges. You are to be unusually careful in the mannerof holding your gun, and should certainly not flourish it around orpoint it at any living thing, save that which it is intended to kill. Guns used as walking sticks or props to take flying leaps or otherextraordinary purposes are the assinine diversions of some idiots. InEngland a position is assigned to you. It is etiquette to remain in it, shooting in a liberal and sportsmanlike spirit, accepting shots as theycome. The gamekeepers expect a tip at the end of the visit. The correctdress is loose jacket, knicker corduroy breeches, stout ribbedstockings, and box-cloth leggings. Heavy russet boots and a clothshooting cap are also worn. 

_Bowls_ is a favorite game in the country, and during the Lenten seasonin New York, where there are a number of clubs formed for its enjoyment. 

Although the sessions are in the evening, the men dress at clubs in_mufti_ or _negligé_, the golf or cycling suits being the favorites. When you are asked to play bowls at a private house, and when there is adance to follow, or when you are asked to a "bowling party, " it isperhaps better form to wear your dinner jacket or Tuxedo, as there willbe supper and dancing afterward. The presence of ladies will not deteryou from wearing on an occasion like this demitoilet or dinner jacket, as there is a certain informality about all athletic sports. The samemay be said of _badminton_, another favorite Lenten game, playedsomewhat after the manner of tennis. The difference is that instead ofracquet and ball, battledore and shuttlecock are used. 

For _skating_, even at a rink on artificial ice, golf costume or _mufti_is good form. 

_Polo_ has likewise no code of etiquette not connected with the rules ofthe game. The dress for polo includes buckskin knee breeches, flannel ormadras shirt with low turn-down collar, top riding boots, and polo cap. 

YACHTING, BOATING, BATHING, TENNIS, AND RACING. 

A yacht in commission is the most expensive and luxurious toy a man canhave. No one but a millionaire can afford it. True, as in otherpossessions, there are degrees, and consequently there are yachts andyachts. Only large schooner or steam yachts, however, are adaptable forentertaining. A man's yacht is indeed his castle, and the host has onlyto follow the rules which govern social functions to be perfect in thisdelightful method of entertaining. Yet there are a few little details ofwhich it would be prudent to speak. The proper entertainments for ayacht in harbor are luncheons, dinners, dances, and short cruises. Noneof these should be elaborate, the yacht itself--a thing of joy andbeauty--being alone a great attraction. 

Your sailors should meet the people invited at the dock in the cutter, and row them to the place where your yacht rides at anchor. You shouldbe at the gangway ready to receive them. The same order should beobserved on their leaving. 

During a club cruise there are several formalities to be observed. Youare then as if under military or naval orders. The commodore should betreated with the same consideration as an admiral. You should not appearbefore him except in the uniform of the club, and you should alwayssalute him on passing, and he should have precedence at allentertainments. 

Yachting dress for men consists in either blue flannel or serge suit, orweather pilot or pea-jacket of rough cloth or "witney, " or blue serge orflannel coat with naval white duck trousers. The cap, blue or whitecloth or duck. White flannels are also worn, but they are not soappropriate. In the evening, usual formal landsman's costume. 

There are a few rules of practical yachting which are so intimatelyconnected with etiquette that, although it is not exactly in myprovince, I propose to give a summary of them here; they may be useful, and may serve my reader a good turn. I take the regulations of the NewYork Yacht Club for my guide. It is without doubt the leading yachtingorganization of this country. 

When on a cruise, all yachts belonging to a club should hoist theircolors at eight o'clock A. M. And haul them down at sunset, taking timefrom the senior officer present in port, if there should be one. Betweensunset and colors they should carry a night pennant. Guns should only befired on setting or hauling down the colors, except by the yacht givingthe time, nor between sunset and colors, nor on Sunday, and the rules ofmany yacht clubs insist on these formalities being observed whether ayacht is on a cruise or not. 

The senior officer in port should be in command, and should make colorsand sunset and return salutes and visits, etc. His yacht should remainthe station vessel until a senior to him in rank arrives, when suchsenior should assume the duties of the anchorage. 

Flag officers should display their pennants while in commission, exceptwhen absent for more than forty-eight hours. In this case their privatesignal should be hoisted. A blue rectangular flag at the starboardspreader should be displayed when the owner is not on board. 

All salutes should be returned in kind. Yachts of all clubs shouldalways salute vessels of the United States Navy. Yachts passing at seashould salute each other, juniors saluting first. This is done bydipping the ensign three times or by firing a gun, followed by dippingthe ensign. Arriving in harbor after sunset or on Sunday the saluteshould be made the first thing next morning. 

When a squadron or a cruising expedition enters a port or anchorage andfinds there a foreign yacht, the senior officer of the squadron orcruise should send its owner a tender of the civilities of the club. Allvessels are considered foreign not belonging to the interstate squadron, or to a club not included in the association of yachts to which yourvessel and you belong. 

Of course I have only skimmed through the sailing and salutingregulations. You are supposed to have a book of your club, which willgive them to you, and you are bound to follow the rules laid downtherein. 

As a rule, the commodore of a yacht club wears on his cap an anchor oneinch and a half in diameter, placed horizontally, embroidered in gold, with a silver star of half an inch diameter at each end of and above theanchor. A vice commodore wears only a single star; captains two crossedfoul anchors. The dress uniform of most yacht clubs is a plain blue orblack dress coat, a white dress waistcoat, each with the club button ingilt; blue or white trousers with cravat black or white. The undressconsists of a double-breasted sack coat of blue cloth, serge, orflannel, blue or white waistcoat, each with the black club button;trousers of same material, or of white drill. The commodore has fiveblack silk stripes on his cuff, the vice commodore four, the rearcommodore three, the captain and other officers two, and the membersone. 

Your crew should wear shirts of blue flannel or white linen with wideblue cuffs and collars, stitched with blue or white thread. Handkerchiefs should be of black silk, caps of blue cloth without visor;straw hats with black ribbon can be used for summer. The name of theyacht must be worked on the breast of the shirt, or printed upon theband of the cap or the ribbon of the hat. The trousers should be ofblue flannel or white linen duck. No braces are worn. 

GOLF. 

The etiquette of golf is incorporated, more or less, with thetechnicalities of the rules governing the game. I do not intend to gointo these, but to give a few hints to the novice, to prevent him, ifpossible, committing solecisms. 

Golf has a vocabulary of its own. The "grounds" on which the game isplayed is a stretch of rather rough country, abounding in hills, hillocks, and sandy downs, and is known by no other name but the"links. "

The game is usually played by two persons, but it can be by more. Itconsists in driving a ball, small and black, or painted red for thewinter snows, along a route laid out by a series of holes to a goal, with a selection of clubs with metal ends. A small boy carries theseclubs around for the players. He is called the "caddie. "

The clubs have various names and various uses. They are for propellingor driving the ball, according to the rules of the game. They are thedriver, long spoon, short spoon, putter, iron putter, cleek, iron, niblick, brassey, lofting iron, and mashie. 

A "tee" is a small mound of sand or earth upon which the ball rests. Asbefore explained, the ball is propelled or driven from the tee into oneof the holes. The term "putting" is applied to the locality in whichthis operation of driving the ball into the hole takes place. 

The etiquette of the spectator is embraced in the common-sense essentialof being an onlooker and nothing more. Silence is golden. Advice andcomment, should you profess to know anything about the game, are brazen. Be considerate; do not interfere with the comfort of the players. As atbilliards, the stroke should be made in utter silence. The golf "links"is not a place for criticism, and if you are allowed to follow theplayers around, you must control your feelings alike when enthusiasticor when contemptuous. Besides being a breach of good manners, rememberthat golf is more or less an outdoor game of whist. 

Golf is the easiest game at which to cheat, but as it is a sport in the_repertoire_ of a gentleman, it would seem almost an insult to hint atsuch a contingency. However, apart from the moral effect of cheating atany game, if a man is dead to all sense of honor, he should be alive tothe fear of being found out. Such discovery means social ostracism. 

The proper golf costume is based on common sense. The man who rigshimself up for this or any other sport in what he considers the mostapproved style is either a very bad player or a novice. Thechampionships have been won by men wearing their ordinary streetcostumes or business lounge suits. The English and Scotch golf dress, however, is sack coat, knickers without leather extensions, and a plaintweed shooting cap. The shirt is white madras, soft, unstarched bosom, with a golf stock or Ascot. Golf shoes or boots are of heavy russet orblack leather. The hose has a long ribbed top, which is turned over, forming a sort of heavy band on the calf of the leg. It is made of heavyworsted, plain or ribbed. This costume will do for winter in the Englishclimate, when you can not employ too heavy tweeds in the north and west. The American costume, however, is made of lighter tweeds for the springand autumn, and of brown linen or holland for the summer. As yet, exceptin one or two localities, golf is not generally played in winter, exceptby enthusiasts. 

At a match, golfers wear their club uniform coats, which are made ofhunting pink with brass buttons. The club dress uniform is full andproper dress for all golf functions, such as dinners and dances andreceptions. For golf club evening functions, black silk or lisle threadstockings and pumps and black knickers would be appropriate dress. Thiswill be regulated by the rules of the club. 

BOATING AND BATHING, TENNIS AND RACING. 

But a word, and this on costume. The proper dress in England, whereboating is a social amusement, is the blazer madras shirt with whitelinen all-around collars and madras cuffs, same material as shirt, whiteduck trousers, and straw hat with colored ribbons. 

For bathing, the present ocean costume is all plain, one dark-colortwo-piece suits, short trousers coming to the knees, and jersey withvery short sleeves. 

For tennis, which I have omitted in the category of sports, as there isno peculiar etiquette attached, you should wear white duck trousers, awhite madras shirt, white flannel coat, plain or finely striped, andstraw hat or flannel cap to match coat. The straw hat was in vogue lastsummer. 

In England many men wear gray vicuña frock coats to the races. Aboutthis costume, however, in America, where races are but seldom socialfunctions, you must be guided by the season, circumstances, and place. Of course, a top hat must be worn with any species of frock coat, butthe gray top hat has gone out of fashion. 

_Gymkhana_ races are burlesque affairs imported from India. Theparticipants are dressed in grotesque fancy costumes, and are obliged torace holding umbrellas, toy balloons, or some other absurdity. They arein great favor at summer watering places. 

BILLIARDS. 

The etiquette of this popular pastime is possibly embraced in thegeneral maxim of "the extending of the utmost consideration for others. "

Billiards constitutes quite an important factor in club life, and shouldhave been included in the chapter on that subject but for the fact thatso many private houses have billiard rooms, and the game is betterclassified with the different sports of a bachelor. 

At the club it is allowable to play the game _sans_ one's coat, or inshirt sleeves. The billiard room is a place where one can beunconventional. Order, however, in a match game especially, should bestrictly maintained. The severe English rule at clubs, under suchcircumstances, requires the man who has played his stroke "to retire toa reasonable distance, and keep out of the line of sight" (_vide_ theBadminton treatise on the game). Orders for drinks to the waiter, loudtalking, criticism of the play, lighting pipes and cigars--the latterbeing only generally allowed in New York club billiard rooms--are alloffenses against etiquette. 

In private houses it is certainly a breach of good manners to bolt intoa billiard room while a game is in progress, except between the strokes, and this period can be easily ascertained by listening at the door. Theideal game is conducted with strict observance of the etiquette of theroom. It is, according to the same Badminton authority, a game duringthe progress of which neither player smokes nor interrupts the other, and spectators are generally courteous, silent, and impartial. In aprivate house where ladies are apt to be present and to be players, shirt sleeves are certainly not tolerated. The dinner coat is useful onthese occasions. Smoking is permissible if the hostess consents. 

The etiquette of cards calls for but a word. Whist means silence. Nogentleman quarrels with a billiard marker or a golf caddie; still lessshould he dispute a point at cards. Better lose, especially when womenare present, than enter a controversy. 

CHAPTER XVII. 

A BACHELOR'S TRAVELS AT HOME AND ABROAD. 

To seem entirely at one's ease is the best maxim I can give fortraveling. You can not actually pretend to experience that which may betotally lacking, but by making yourself comfortable you will increasethe pleasure of others. There is, in these days of luxurious traveling, but little occasion to be flurried, and no excuse whatever for not beingas well dressed as you are calm and self-possessed. Dress means a greatdeal, and if you have not a servant with you it will simply require alittle care at the commencement to insure your entire freedom from allannoyance. 

As I have already observed in a previous chapter, in a long journey itwould be better to take more than one trunk, but even if you have butthe one you should carry also a bag with your toilet articles. Adressing bag is most requisite, and if you can not afford this youcould have an ordinary bag, or even a "dress suit" case, fitted up withthe necessary appliances of the toilet. These, it is almost absurd tostate, consist of your razors, tooth and nail brushes, combs andhairbrushes, individual soap, and a few small vials of very usefulphysic, such as Jamaica ginger, Pond's extract, liver pills, cologne, and, if you do not carry it in your pocket, a brandy flask. There aretimes when this is absolutely necessary. In my dressing bag, ifpossible, I would take my pyjamas, so as to be perfectly equipped forthe night, in case, at the end of my journey, I could not get at mytrunk. Overcoats, waterproof coat, umbrellas, walking sticks, etc. , should be carried in a shawl strap, where you could also have a novel orso, or a budget of interesting newspapers or magazines. For shortrailway or steamer journeys, the best dress is the ordinary lounge ormorning sack suit, with a soft felt or Hombourg hat. Gloves arenecessary. Tan or gray suede is the most correct. In winter an ulstershould be worn. Select for sea or for ocean voyages the warmest loungesuit you have, or, if you feel more disposed, a warm tweed knickerbockersuit, such as you wear for golf. I think it is a good principle to puton your old clothes at sea. Only very vulgar people dress for thisoccasion. For late dinner on the ship I would have a black cutaway coatand a light tie. I believe men must change their clothes before dinnerat all places and under all circumstances. Russet shoes are worn. 

Do not hurry. Have your tickets purchased in time, and arrive at a trainso that you will have fully five minutes in which to check your luggage. 

On an ocean voyage, if the ship is going to leave at an early hour inthe morning, go on board the night before. Farewell suppers are likegreetings in tugboats and other vulgar celebrations, the meed of thesecond-class politician. Arrange with your banker for letters of credit, and take with you just sufficient small change to carry you comfortablyand pay your little expenses, with one note of a larger denomination incase of accident. Do not get your money changed on the ship. It iseffected at a very high rate of discount. Thus on English ships--theCunard, White Star, Anchor, and Allan lines--English currency is used. The Hamburg and the North German Lloyd employ German, and theTransatlantique, French. Your steamer trunk and your bag and shawl strapshould be placed in the cabin with you. Steamer chairs, in these days, can be hired. Do not carry one around with you. It is a nuisance. On theocean steamers the steward will attend to your little wants, and prepareyour bath for you in the morning, for which there is a fee, I think, oftwenty-five cents a day. It is customary on leaving a ship to givegratuities to servants. To the cabin steward on English ships, tenshillings, the head steward ten shillings, and your waiter tenshillings. On others, for a six days' voyage, a fee equal to two dollarsshould be given to your waiter and your cabin steward and to the headsteward. Servants abroad are feed on a regular tariff, which you willfind in the guidebooks. In this country the drawing-car fiend expectstwenty-five cents for a day's journey; fifty cents to a dollar forlonger and more extended service. At American hotels the waiters aretipped when you leave, and a small gratuity given to chambermaids. 

Courtesy, especially to women, is the one thing expected from everygentleman who travels, and if you can assist any one in distress byadvice or by help of any kind do so, particularly if it is anunprotected woman. But be very guarded in making new acquaintances. Suchas are picked up on the steamer, for instance, can be dropped as soonas you land. Beware of the cardroom and the poker sharps who travel onthe great liners. Make it a rule, if you will play for money, never todo so with strangers. 

When traveling with a lady, always carry her bag and assist her in andout of the trains. Your behavior is on its mettle under thesecircumstances, and traveling is very apt to be like a mustard plaster, bringing out both the good and evil attributes of a man. 

The subject of foreign travel also needs a few words as well as a bit ofgeneral advice. English customs and our own are so much alike that itwould be strange, indeed, if an American could not get along in the landwhere his own tongue is spoken. One of the first difficulties which oncebeset traveling Americans in London was the regulation in theaters thatthe audience, or that part of it occupying the best stalls, should be inevening dress. As evening dress is now also the rule in New York, thisquandary is a thing of the past. Programmes at many of the Englishtheaters are now free, where some years ago it was customary to sellbills of the play for sixpence. 

The feeing of servants at hotels, however, continues, and we yet havethe charge on hotel bills for service. You are expected to givesomething to the hall porter, to your waiter, to the boots, and to thechambermaid. The amount of these fees differs according to the length ofyour stay. I should say a half crown to the porter and less sums to theothers. 

In London a shilling a mile is the accepted price for cabs within acertain metropolitan radius called the "circle. " "Thrupence" or sixpenceextra is the tip "to drink your health. "

Afternoon dress is the correct attire for the park after midday, andcabs and hansoms are not seen on the Row during riding and drivinghours. 

In Paris you may wear a blue blouse and make the turn of the Bois in a_fiacre_. The tariff there is two francs an hour, or two francs fiftyper course, from one place to another. The _pourboire_ is fiftycentimes. 

In France the _pourboire_ is a veritable tax, as it is in Italy and inthe Latin countries. In Germany the mark is equal to about twenty-fivecents of our money, and it will go a long way. Ten marks will fee ahouseful of servants. 

At the station in Paris fifty centimes is given to the porter. The"commissionnaire" at the hotel expects fifty centimes. Waiters'_pourboires_ are eighty-five centimes at breakfast, and at dinner afranc. In a _café_ they are twenty-five centimes. 

The woman at the theater who puts a footstool under your feet expectsone franc, and at many of the playhouses she must be feed for a reservedseat. 

In Paris the orchestra stalls are occupied only by men. At the operaduring the season evening dress in the boxes and stalls is, of course, _de rigueur_. At the Comédie Française on Tuesdays and at the Odéon onThursdays you must be in evening dress in order to gain admittance. 

Chairs are sold in Paris at the Catholic churches, and in both theLondon and Paris parks seats can be hired for a few pennies or sous. 

In Paris omnibuses only the seating capacity is allowed. When theomnibus is full, a sign, "_Complet_, " is fastened on the outside. 

At the gates of each small town in France the _octroi_, or impost, levies on articles of food brought in, and the customhouse in Englandseizes all American reprints of English books. There, as well as inFrance, spirits and tobacco are dutiable. 

It is only civil to bow when passing the Prince of Wales or members ofthe royal family. In Paris every hat is removed when a hearse passes, asalso in Italy. In Germany the hat is removed when the emperor passes. 

Passports are necessary for Russian and Eastern travel. 

All large functions on the Continent, no matter what time of the daythey occur, demand evening dress. In Paris the bridegroom at a weddingin the afternoon wears evening dress, as well as the chief male mournerat a funeral, but the others present do not. This does not apply togroomsmen and honorary pallbearers, who are in evening dress. InGermany, Austria, and Italy, wherever royalty appears, evening dress isnecessary. At the audiences granted by the Pope all men must be inevening dress, and the women in dark gowns and veils. 

The Queen of England, the Princess of Wales, and all other femalemembers of the royal family are addressed as "Ma'am"; the Prince ofWales and the male members as "Sir, " and never, except by tradesmen, as"Your Royal Highness. "

The English dukes are addressed simply as "Duke" and not as "YourGrace"; a marquis is "Lord" and a marchioness "Lady. " Younger sons ofdukes should be spoken of as lord. A French duke and duchess areaddressed as "Monsieur" and "Madame. " In Germany one drops the Von whenaddressing a nobleman who has that title, but when you write to him youmust give him his full credentials. 

A foreign bishop is always addressed as "My Lord" and a cardinal as"Your Eminence. "

The etiquette at a house where the Prince of Wales or a member of theroyal family in England visits is rigorous, and on the Continent, whenroyalty is present, it is even more severe. The prince is neveraddressed unless he speaks to you. He alone has the privilege ofchanging the subject of conversation, and all plans for the day'srecreation are submitted to him. 

These observations are, of course, very general, but the averageAmerican to-day is at home in Europe. He should only remember the oldadage to do in Rome as the Romans do, and he will not be muchembarrassed by foreign customs and habits. 

CHAPTER XVIII. 

THE ENGAGED BACHELOR. 

The etiquette of engagements is simple. There are no rules as to how aman should ask a woman to be his wife. 

A man is not at liberty to announce his engagement until his _fiancée_gives him permission to do so. It is her family who have the right toknow first of the existence of an engagement. Very few engagements areentered into so hurriedly as not to be anticipated in a way by themembers of the young woman's household. However, the first step to betaken is the announcement by the _fiancée_ to her mother, her father, orher proper guardian of the existing circumstances. Sometimes this isdone in a most informal way by both parties. The day after theengagement has thus been announced it is good form for the man to have aprivate talk with the young woman's parents or guardian. In America weare supposed to be above the discussion of marriage settlements. A manshould never ask a woman to marry him unless he has the wherewithal tosupport her in the manner in which she has been accustomed to live. Aninquiry into the state of the proposed son-in-law's finances isperfectly proper and should not be taken amiss. Engagements areannounced to other members of the family than those of the household byinformal notes when it is decided it should be made public. Relativesand intimate friends should be apprised of it before one's generalacquaintances. In these days of "society news" the general announcementis frequently made through the medium of the newspapers. It can also bemade verbally. 

During the engagement it is expected that a man's relatives and friendsshould pay the prospective bride as much attention as possible. Theyshould call on her and felicitate her as soon as they have been informedof the affair. A pretty compliment for a male member of the man's familyor one of his intimates is to send flowers to the new _fiancée_. Engagements should never be announced unless the wedding day is fixedapproximately. Avoid long engagements. 

The engagement ring is a solitaire diamond, but one with two smallerdiamonds is appropriate. This will depend upon the income of the swain. Rings with colored stones, however, are not in vogue for engagements. 

During the engagement the betrothed couple should be seen as much aspossible in each other's society. Neither should appear at largeentertainments to which the other has not been asked. Little attentionsare expected. A man should send from time to time, according to thestate of his finances, flowers, sweets, or other tokens. A sensible girlwill not approve of costly gifts if you can not afford them. A veryacceptable token would be a bunch of violets or American beauty rosessent from a fashionable florist. 

CHAPTER XIX. 

THE BACHELOR'S WEDDING. 

When a bachelor marries the arrangement of the details of the ceremonyand reception are left to the bride's family, and there is really verylittle about which to instruct him. Many men wish to know how thesematters should be conducted, and a short review is here given under thepenalty of its being not within the scope of the Complete Bachelor. 

Weddings in society are celebrated either at church or at the home ofthe bride. The church wedding is the most popular, and in large citiesthe most fashionable, as it admits of the presence of a large number ofpeople and lends much solemnity to the occasion. 

The fashionable hour for a wedding is from high noon--midday--until fiveo'clock. Evening weddings have within the past five years not been asmuch in vogue as formerly. 

The invitations are issued within a fortnight of the ceremony. Theformula is an announcement engraved on a sheet of heavy cream paperfolded in two. It is issued in the name of the bride's parents orguardian, and it requests the pleasure of the guest's presence at themarriage of their daughter or ward at such a church or such a number, atsuch an hour of the day, month, and year. A separate card, inclosed, with the announcement and invitation to the church, states the hours ofthe reception. The invitations are very simple, engraved in plainEnglish script, and the paper and cards are of a standard quality knownto stationers for this purpose. The inner one is addressed only with thename of the person invited, the outer one has this and the street, thestreet number, and full directions for mailing. Gilt-edged or fancystationery is vulgar. 

I herewith append some examples. The English invariably insist on theR. S. V. P. , or "answer if you please, " on even church invitations. Thisis not the regular New York custom. 

The reason for this is that in England those asked to the church arealways expected also at the reception. Only the bridal party sit down toan elaborate breakfast, the other guests being given the very lightestof refreshments. 

American form:

 _Mr. And Mrs. _ ---- _request your presence_ _at the marriage of their daughter_ _Katherine_ _to_ _Mr. _ ----, _Thursday, February the twenty-eighth, _ _at twelve o'clock. _ _Grace Church, _ _Broadway and Tenth Street. _

Also:

 _Mr. And Mrs. _ ---- _request the honor of your presence_ _at the marriage of their daughter_ _Annie_ _to_ _Mr. _ ---- _on_ (etc. ). 

 _Mr. And Mrs. _ ---- _request your presence_ _at the marriage of their daughter_ _Myra Raymond_ _to_ _Mr. _ ----, _Thursday, February the twenty-eighth, _ _at twelve o'clock. _ _Grace Church, _ _Broadway and Tenth Street. _

 _Mr. And Mrs. _ ---- _request the honor of your presence_ _at the marriage of their daughter_ _Annie_ _to_ _Mr. _ ---- _on Tuesday morning, November twenty-seventh, _ _at half past eleven o'clock. _ _St. Leo's Church, _ _East Twenty-eighth Street. _ ------ _Please present this card at_ _St. Leo's Church, _ _November twenty-seventh. _

English form:

 _Mr. And Mrs. _ ---- _request the pleasure of_ _Lord and Lady ----'s_ _company at_ _St. Peter's, Eaton Square, _ _on Saturday, November 4th, at two o'clock, _ _on the occasion of the marriage of their daughter_ _Margaret and_ ---- ----, _and afterward at 1 Grosvenor Square. _ _R. S. V. P. _ ------ _Admit bearer_ _to_ _St. Peter's Church, Eaton Square, _ _on November 4th, 1895, at two o'clock. _

If the bride whom a bachelor is marrying is a widow and lives in her ownhouse, the invitations to the church and the reception, or to either orboth, would read simply, "The pleasure of your company is requested atthe wedding, " etc. , with a separate card bearing the word reception andstating the hour and address. 

Should there be no guests at the wedding, and should it be conductedvery quietly or privately, it is necessary that announcement cards besent out after the event has taken place. These are issued in the nameof the bride's parent, parents, or guardian, who simply announce "themarriage of their daughter [or ward] Elizabeth to Mr. Henry SmithWalcott, Thursday, June the twentieth, eighteen hundred and ninety-six. "In the left-hand corner is placed the address of those sending out thecards. A card is also inclosed with the names of the newly marriedcouple, their address, and their reception day. Should there be neitherparents nor guardians, the parties to the contract can announce itthemselves with one card thus: "Mr. William Benham Thorne and MissEleanore Taylor, married on Thursday, November the seventh, eighteenhundred and ----, New York. " Another card can also be inclosed, onwhich is the new address of the married couple, as well as their day athome. If it is a church wedding, and there are neither guardians norparents, you can use the form, "You are invited to be present at thewedding of ----, " etc. 

A too rigid economy should not be observed in the sending of weddinginvitations, and the prospective bridegroom should see that this iscarried out. In case there are several members of a family, it is goodform to inclose an invitation to each; thus, Mr. And Mrs. AlgernonSmith, the Misses Smith, and Messrs. Smith making three smallerenvelopes inclosed in the larger one addressed to Mr. And Mrs. AlgernonSmith. 

As I have advised in the chapter on Cards, your pasteboard should beleft at the house of those in whose name the invitations are issued, even if you are asked only to the church. If to the reception, you owetwo visits of "digestion"--one to the bride's parents and one to thehappy pair. 

All the expenses pertaining to a wedding are borne by the bride'sparents. The bridegroom, however, pays the clergyman's fee and provideshis own carriage, cab, or hansom from his rooms to the church. Thisvehicle is also sent to the house of the best man. 

All expenses after the marriage are, of course, defrayed by thebridegroom. It has been strict etiquette for the bride and bridegroomnot to use the family carriage, which usually takes them from thechurch, to fetch them to the railroad station, but one provided by thebridegroom. It is frequently a matter of courtesy for the bride'sparents to offer this for the occasion. 

_The bridegroom_ should, as soon as the wedding day is appointed, choosehis best man and his ushers. The vogue is to ask his nearest unmarriedmale relative or his most intimate bachelor friend to serve in thecapacity of best man. More recently a number of very fashionable NewYorkers have had married men take that position, and thus the innovationhas sanction through the action of the "smart set. " A married best manis said to be an English fad, but I find that it could be more correctlytermed an Anglo-Indian mode, as this new idea is much more popular inCalcutta and Bombay than in London. 

In the selection of ushers, a man asks usually some few of his intimatesor club friends, and through courtesy to his prospective bride a malemember of her family, frequently her brother. Six ushers are the usualnumber, although four are quite sufficient. Some few men have been knownto dispense with the services of the best man and have only ushers, butthis is not exactly correct at a fashionable church wedding. The usherscan be very easily omitted if the ceremony is to take place at thehouse. 

_The bridegroom_ presents his best man and his ushers with their ties, their gloves, and tie pin, which is a souvenir of the occasion, as wellas their _boutonnières_, or "buttonholes, " to accept the last Englishexpression, to be worn at the ceremony. 

The tie, gloves, and tie pin are given to the best man and the ushers atthe farewell bachelor dinner; the _boutonnières_ are ordered at theflorist's and sent to them on the morning of the wedding. Lilies of thevalley are the favorite wedding flowers, but the floral arrangements areregulated by the bride's family, who possibly have a certain color orflower scheme for the church decorations, and the "buttonholes" must bein keeping. 

_The bridegroom_ generally provides hansoms or _coupés_ to drive hisushers to the church from their respective residences. As the bride'sfamily provides the carriages for the _cortège_, these other vehiclesmay be dismissed at the church. 

_The bridegroom_ himself drives to the church in a hansom with his bestman. 

If it is a house wedding these carriages need not be provided. In thiscountry the _bridegroom_ does not give the bridesmaids any token orpresent. In England he presents them with brooches or bracelets. In NewYork the bride presents her maid of honor and bridesmaids with souvenirsin the shape of lace pins, brooches, or bracelets. 

_The bridegroom_ always gives to his bride a handsome wedding present, which is to be worn or carried on the happy day. It may be a diamondtiara, it may be a diamond star, it may be jewels of any kind which hecan ascertain would be acceptable to her, or it may be a prayer book. _The bridegroom_ does not provide any part of the bride's costume. 

If the bride should carry flowers instead of a prayer book, this specialbouquet is the gift of the bridegroom, but the flowers for thebridesmaids are provided by the bride. 

The expenses of the wedding notices in the newspapers and the fee to theclergyman are paid by the bridegroom through the agency of the bestman. 

The wedding ring is of bright burnished gold, perfectly plain. The dateof the wedding and the initials of the happy pair should be engraved onthe inside. The ring is confided to the best man, who produces it at theproper time during the ceremony. 

It is customary for a prospective bridegroom to purchase or, rather, tohave a wedding outfit made. Very elaborate affairs of this kind are notin good taste, and anything which suggests the occasion is certainlyvulgar. Beyond the clothes for the ceremony, there should be a generaloverhauling of the wardrobe and shirts, undervests, underclothes, handkerchiefs, and such articles must, if any of them are needed or havefallen into decay, be supplied or renewed. All this is a matter oftaste. 

_The bachelor farewell dinner_ is now a recognized institution. Perhapsnext to the ceremony itself, it is regarded as the most important socialfunction of the wedding week. 

If you are a member of a club, your farewell dinner should be giventhere in one of the private dining rooms. Otherwise it is perfectlycorrect to have it at a well-known restaurant or hotel, in, of course, aprivate dining room. You may have it at your own house, and, should yourparents be living and you reside with them, it can be given at home. The club, however, is really first choice. Sometimes the strictlybachelor dinner is dispensed with, and in its stead a dinner is given tothe entire bridal party by the family of the bride. This does away withthe presumed selfishness of the "stag" dinner, and the possible excusefor some one or more of the guests to become exhilarated--a _finale_, Iam grieved to say, that has happened on more than one occasion. 

At the stag dinner you should have your best man, your ushers, andseveral of your friends. You can invite a married man or so, especiallyif he is a very jolly fellow, and it is expected that some one or moreof your bride's relatives will be included. Twelve is a good number, but, of course, never thirteen, because women are generallysuperstitious, and should this become known to your future one it mightcause her great mental anxiety. 

The gloves, ties, and tie or scarf pins to be given to the best man andushers are placed in white boxes tied with white satin ribbon and put inthe outer room to be handed to each man as he bids adieu. Perhaps itmight be more prudent to place them at the covers, but it would hardlybe good form, as there would be in that case several of the guestswithout favors. And, besides, a dinner with favors is not permissiblein these days. 

_Boutonnières_ of lilies of the valley should be also placed at eachcover. The _menu_ cards should be simple but tasteful. Elaborate _menus_are not now in the best form. In fact, with a bachelor dinner, as withall functions of this kind, elegant simplicity should be thepredominating characteristic; cut glass and silver are all that isrequired. In the center of the table a basket, or, better, a silver_jardinière_ of roses, is the only floral decoration. During the courseof the dinner these flowers are removed and are sent to the bride-elect. It is sometimes the custom--and a very pretty one--for each guest tonote a sentiment on a _menu_ card or simply his own name, and have thatsent also with the flowers. 

The dinner itself can, but need not be very elaborate. I do not like adinner of many courses. It is usual to serve sherry and whisky andcaviare sandwiches in the anteroom before dinner, and also to havecigars and cigarettes galore there as well as at table, although it isnot permissible to smoke before the cheese is served. I would recommendraw oysters, a clear soup, a bit of fish with sliced cucumber--anattractive _entrée_; a _fillet_ with vegetables, canvas-back duck, cheese and salad, coffee, and fruit. 

THE CEREMONY. 

On the morning of the wedding the bridegroom is called for in the hansomor cab which has been ordered for himself and the best man. The best mancalls for him and takes him to the church. They should time theirmovements so as to arrive at least five minutes before the hourappointed for the ceremony. The same precaution should be observed if itis a house wedding. 

At day weddings afternoon dress is _de rigueur_ for bridegroom, bestman, ushers, and all male guests. The bridegroom, best man, and ushersshould be dressed alike in frock coats and waistcoats to match, trousersof dark gray striped, patent-leather shoes, gray suede gloves, white orpearl-colored scarfs, and top hats. 

The English have allowed some latitude, and wear gray frock coats andeven colored shirts, but this fashion is not generally in vogue inAmerica. Evening weddings require formal evening dress. A wedding atdusk in winter, where the bride wears traveling costume, calls forafternoon dress on the part of the bridegroom. 

The bridegroom and best man alight at the vestry. They remain in theback of the chancel until the first notes of the wedding march notifythem of the presence of the bride. The best man must see before theceremony that the bridegroom's top hat, as well as his own, is sent tothe entrance of the church to be handed to the respective owners ontheir exit. 

When the bride, on the arm of her father or guardian, approaches thealtar, the bridegroom and best man walk out from the vestry, eithertogether or the best man in advance. In the latter case the best mansteps back at the chancel rail, and allows the bridegroom to pass beforehim. The bridegroom stands on the right-hand side of the altar orreading desk and the best man on his right. The bride is on thebridegroom's left, and her father or guardian a little behind her on herleft. 

To avoid confusion, the ceremony is generally rehearsed an evening ortwo before. Much depends on the liturgy of the communion to which thecouple belong. The best man has charge of the ring, and must produce itand hand it to the clergyman at the time it is demanded. 

At the conclusion of the ceremony the best man precedes the bride andbridegroom in the procession, escorting the maid of honor, unless the_cortège_ has been differently arranged. In that case, he makes his wayeither through the vestry or down one of the aisles to the church door, where he superintends the filing away of the bridal carriages and party. At the reception he goes in to breakfast with the maid of honor, or witha near relative of the bride's family. He may use the bridegroom'shansom from the church to the house, or he may go with one of thefamily. There is no rule for this. The bride and bridegroom use thebride's carriage. 

The best man is intrusted also with the paying of the clergyman. Thebridegroom will give him a check for this purpose. As already stated, healso inserts the marriage notices in the newspapers, the funds for whichare also provided by the bridegroom. He pays his own personal expenses. 

The ushers meet in the church about an hour before the ceremony. Thebridegroom generally puts carriages at their disposal, but that is notin the least obligatory. They can take hansoms or cabs, or for thatmatter go to the rendezvous in the car or stage. The ushers stand at thefoot of the nave or aisle and busy themselves escorting guests toseats. An usher offers his right arm to the lady he escorts up theaisle. Even if a lady should be accompanied by her husband or escort, the usher should offer her his arm, and the other man walks up behindthem. If an usher should not have had the formality of an introductionto the lady he is showing to a seat, a bow and a smile when leaving heris all that is necessary. An usher, being a friend of the family, knowsthose who ought to go beyond the ribbon and those who are not relativesor family connections. The bride's brothers, if they are ushers, takecare of the members of their family, and the intimate friends of thebridegroom or his relations. The relatives of the bride are placed inthe front pews beyond the ribbon on the right-hand side of the altar, and the bridegroom's on the left-hand side. At the arrival of the bridalparty the ushers get together and form in the back of the church for theprocession up the aisle or nave. Their meeting thus is the cue for thesexton, who signals the organist, and the march is started. The ushersadvance up the aisle, two by two, until they reach the chancel, wherethey divide on the right and on the left, allowing the bridesmaids topass before them, standing in a semicircle around the altar rails. If itis a Roman Catholic wedding they genuflect as they reach the chancel. They file down the aisle in the same order, heading the bridalprocession. At the carriage way they assist the bridesmaids in theircarriages, and by previous arrangement they are allotted to certaincarriages escorting the bridesmaids. 

_At the reception_ the bride and bridegroom take their places under awedding bell of flowers or in the front drawing room between the twofront windows, or, again, in the back drawing room. The house isdecorated with palms, potted plants, flowers, and other foliage. Pinkand white orchids, ferns, and chrysanthemums make very effectivedecorations. The mother of the bride, or nearest female relative, standsat the door of the drawing room and greets the guests. The ushers andbridesmaids are scattered about the room. If there is only a reception, then the guests, after exchanging greetings with the lady of the house, pass on and shake hands with and congratulate the bridegroom and wishthe bride joy. Unless you are an intimate friend, do not attempt any setspeech. The bride will say, if she has not seen you for a short timebefore the wedding, "I must thank you, Mr. Smith, for your beautifulpresent, " or something of that kind. If you do not know the bridegroomshe will present you to him. If you are a friend of the bridegroom hewill present you to the bride, and should say, if such is the case, "Evangeline, " or "May, " or "Margaret, " or otherwise; or "My dear, let mepresent to you Mr. Algernon Smith, who, you remember, is one of my bestfriends. " And if Mrs. ---- has any tact, she will at once reply, "I amso pleased to meet any of my husband's old friends, and I must thankyou, Mr. Smith, for the beautiful _bonbon_ dishes. They were just what Iwanted, " or words to that effect. Then pass on. Refreshments are servedat a wedding reception from a buffet in the dining room. If you enterwith a lady, ask her what she would like, and get it for her. Then takeyour own choice of refreshment, and stand or sit by her as theaccommodations of the room will permit. A half hour at a weddingreception is sufficient. It is not good form to bid good-by to the brideand bridegroom, but only to the lady of the house. 

If there is no chaperon--for instance, if the bride be a widow ordivorcee and is in her own home--then you must bid her good-by, but insuch cases large receptions are not given. 

There is always a breakfast or luncheon set for the bridal party, atwhich the bride, escorted by the bridegroom, leads the way. The bride'sfather, escorting the bridegroom's mother, the ushers and bridesmaidsand relatives follow. In this country we have no special law ofprecedence, and these bridal luncheons are more or less informal. Thereare no toasts. 

After breakfast the valet, should there be one, must be ready with thebridegroom's valise, when his master retires to put on a tweed suit fortraveling; otherwise it can be laid out by one of the servants. With thecoachman on the box and amid the usual shower of rice and slippers, asalso the fusillade of a battery of eyes from neighbors' windows, andperhaps a crowd of street urchins and admiring servants, the happycouple start out on their wedding journey. I think it is better taste towait until dark, almost, so as to avoid all this unseemly publicity, andI am averse to having the coachman and horses decked with white ribbons;but, of course, one does not marry every day in the year, and theselittle eccentricities are pardonable on such--shall I say?--an"auspicious" occasion. 

At a home wedding, as has been said above, ushers are not necessary. Thesame ceremonial is observed as at church, but due allowance must bemade for crowded quarters. Usually very few are asked to the ceremony, but many to the reception afterward. As soon as the ceremony is overcongratulations are in order, the newly married couple standing underthe bell of flowers where they were married, and receiving the goodwishes of their friends. 

If a man marries abroad there are many annoying bits of red tape to beconsidered. In London you are obliged to have a legal residence in theparish where the ceremony is to be performed. In Paris a civil marriagebefore the mayor of the district is necessary. Certificates of baptismmust be filed with him, and you must give proof of the legal consent ofboth your parents as well as those of the bride. The religious ceremonytakes place twenty-four hours after the civil. It is strict etiquettethat the contracting parties do not see each other during this interim. 

The order of the wedding procession in France and on the Continentdiffers vastly from that in England and America. There are neitherushers nor a best man. If there are bridesmaids the groomsmen accompanythem. The bride enters on the arm of her father preceded by theattendants, and the bridegroom follows, escorting his futuremother-in-law. A long procession of relatives brings up the rear. Themen, no matter at what time of the day the ceremony might takeplace--and evening weddings are unknown--are in formal evening dress. 

Under the French law also no widow or divorcee can remarry until tenmonths have elapsed since the dissolution of the previous contract. Thisshould not be forgotten by bachelors contemplating matrimony with eitherone of these classes of eligibles. In Germany there are furthercomplications, and I would advise all citizens of the United Statescontemplating matrimony there to consult the consul or minister at thelegation. 

CHAPTER XX. 

FUNERALS. 

When a death occurs in the house all matters should at once be placed incharge of a relative or a friend of the family. The family itself shouldbe kept away from every one as much as possible, and none of the saddetails left to them. They should not be seen until the day of thefuneral. Front windows should be shut, blinds and shades pulled down, and the outer or storm door of the house closed. A servant is stationedin the hall near the door, as on reception days, to receive the cards ofpersons calling. All acquaintances who have been entertained at thehouse leave cards in person, others may mail them. Only intimate friendsof the family are admitted to the house. 

Should you send flowers, do not purchase or order any set designs. Theyare hideous--remind one of the tenement funerals, and are strikinglyinappropriate. A bunch of white roses or of violets is a beautifuloffering for a young woman, or two palms crossed, with violets or liliesof the valley attached, for a man or an elderly person. These should beaccompanied by your card. If you have been an intimate friend, a fewwords written--a short note of condolence--would not be amiss. To all ofthese notes, and in acknowledgment of these offerings, one of the familynearest the deceased in relationship should respond by sending theircard with the words, "Thank you for your kind sympathy, " or something ofthat sort, written upon it. 

As a rule, when the deceased is a young man who belongs to several clubsor who has a numerous acquaintance, it is better to have the funeralfrom a church. Pallbearers are chosen from among his intimate friends; arelative never acts as pallbearer. It is not customary for any exceptthe nearest relatives to go to the cemetery. Ladies of the family do notaccompany the remains to the cemetery, and they frequently do not attendthe funeral services at the church if the deceased is a man. 

If the funeral services are held at the house the relatives and intimatefriends are invited into the back parlor, dining room, or upstairs, andmake their appearance only when the services begin. The undertakerattends to seating people, arranging the rooms, etc. 

There is only one proper dress for a man to wear at a funeral. It shouldconsist of black frock coat, dark trousers, dark scarf and gloves (grayor dark tan, but not black, unless you are a relative), and top hat. Should you be a relative or a pallbearer, wear a black weed on your hat. 

As to periods of mourning, there seems to be some little difference ofopinion in New York. Ward McAllister treated the subject in quite anexhaustive manner, advocating short mourning terms even for the nearestrelatives. For a wife eighteen months is considered the proper thing;for a parent, twelve to eighteen months, sometimes two years; for abrother or a sister, one year; and for a grandparent, six months. Amaternal or paternal uncle or aunt is entitled to about two months orless, according to the intimacy which has existed between the families. Seclusion from society is generally consonant with mourning for nearrelatives. However, people now go to the theater and small dinners andteas after nine months of mourning for the very nearest relatives. 

It is not necessary for a man to shroud himself in black. A silk hatwith a crape band nearly to the top should be worn by widowers duringthe first year of their widowerhood; but black shirt studs, black sleevebuttons, handkerchiefs bordered with black, and the other abominationsin which the grief-stricken Frenchman arrays himself are not toleratedin this country. In deep mourning one can wear black ties and blackgloves, but a white linen tie in summer is permissible. I do notadvocate the use of black scarf pins. A black band on the sleeve of agray suit is also another affectation which should be avoided. Cardsshould be left after a funeral. 

There is no code of etiquette established as yet for divorce. Secondmarriages should be as quiet as possible. This advice is given tobachelors who are contemplating matrimony with divorcées. 

GENERAL ADVICE FOR UNCLASSIFIED OCCASIONS. 

If you are chosen godfather, you are expected to send a silver mug toyour godchild. Christening parties are held about four in the afternoon. Afternoon dress is required. 

When giving a dinner or any entertainment at a certain well-known NewYork restaurant do not refer to it as "Del's. " This is an earmark ofvulgarity. 

When speaking of the city of New York do not refer to it as "Gotham. "This shows the worst kind of provincialism and a vulgar spirit. 

Even should your friends be among the most exclusive and fashionable inany place, they are never "swells, " nor do they belong to the "FourHundred. " The latter term was once used by a gentleman to designate theprobable list of people who were to entertain in New York that season, and has no bearing whatever upon the question of social limit. 

If you send flowers never have them arranged in set designs. Fairvoyagers will thank you much more if you send fruit, sweets, or books, as flowers on shipboard or railroad trains are nuisances. Books, sweets, and flowers are the only gifts which a bachelor can offer or a womanaccept from him. 

The terms "lady" and "gentleman" are distinctive. Your friends andacquaintances are all supposed to be ladies and gentlemen. Todistinguish them as such implies a doubt. Should you call at a house youask if the "ladies" are in, so as to distinguish them from the otherfemales in the household. You also toast the "ladies. " In referring tothe gentler sex, it is more complimentary to speak of them as "women. "You would say, "She is a clever woman, " not a "clever lady. " The personwho speaks of "a lady or a gentleman friend" has a defined socialposition--on the Bowery. 

Avoid slang, especially that of the music halls or the comic (?)newspapers. You can well afford not to be "up to date. "

In greeting a person say "Good morning, " "Good afternoon, " or "Goodevening, " but refrain from such inane phrases as "Delighted, I'm sure. "On introduction or presentation, it is sufficient to say "I am delightedto meet you. " Avoid also the "How d'y do?" "How are you?" "Very well, Ithank you. " All this is idiotic. 

Whistle all you like in your bedroom, but not in public. 

Gentlefolk have "friends" stopping with them, never "company. " Servantshave and keep "company. "

When you refer to wine it means any kind of vintage, and not necessarilychampagne. Therefore beware of the "gentleman who opens wine, " or theone who gives a "wine party, " whatever that may mean. We speak of adinner, but not of a dinner party. A party to the play, no matter wherethe location of the places may be, is never a "box party. "

Do not be a professed jester nor yet a punster. The clowns of societyare not enviable beings. 

When speaking of a fashionable woman do not refer to her as a "societywoman. " That would imply that she belongs to various societies orguilds, which is not probably the impression you desire to convey. 

When a person has a predilection for the use of the word "elegant, " andespecially when it is employed in the sense of beautiful, good, charming, or delightful, you are quite just in your estimation of his orher vulgarity. 

Answers to questions should be given in the direct affirmative or thedirect negative. "All right" is not, to say the least, civil, and isill-bred. 

Never exhibit your accomplishments, unless "by special request, " in thepublic parlors of hotels, or saloons of ships, or other places ofgeneral gathering. The persons who sing and play the piano and makethemselves bores are as reprehensible as the window opening and shuttingfiends, the fidgety travelers, the loud-voiced and constant complaining, all of whom are most obnoxious. 

Under great provocation the expletive "damn" is tolerated by society, but it should be whispered and not pronounced aloud. The man who swearsis certainly beyond the pale, and the one who uses silly and senselessexclamations is not far away from him. One of the marks of a gentlemanis his complete mastery of himself under the most trying and aggravatingcircumstances. 

These are but few of the many "don'ts" which it seems necessary torepeat in works of this kind. For a more extended catalogue of socialand grammatical sins, the reader is referred to that excellent book TheVerbalist, by Alfred Ayres, and the clever little _brochure_ Don't. Acareful study of these will assist him much in reviewing elementaryquestions, the knowledge of which was taken for granted by the author ofthe Complete Bachelor. 

INDEX. 

ACCEPTANCE, invitations, 46-48. Admission to clubs, rules for, 127-129. Admission, visitors to clubs, 131, 132. Advice, general, for unclassified occasions, 195, 196. Afternoon calls, etiquette of, 43-45. Afternoon dress, when worn, 12, 13. Afternoon tea, 45. Afternoon wedding, 184, 185. Aisle, church and theater, going up, 5. Almonds, salted, 69. Alpine hats, 28. Amateur accomplishments, 199. Announcement cards, 176. Announcement, engagement, method of, 169. Answers, Assembly and Patriarchs, 48. Answers, ball invitations, 48. Answers, committee invitations, 48. Answers, dinner invitations, 48. Answers, form of, 46-48. Answers, general, 48. Artichokes, method of eating, 70. Asparagus, method of eating, 70. Assembly balls, etiquette of, 48, 105-110. 

BACHELOR. --For all functions with this title, see various heads of chapters. Bachelor's farewell dinner, 181-184. Badminton, 148. Bag, shoe, 30. Bag, traveling, what to take on a visit from Friday to Monday, 91-93. Bag, traveling, voyage long, 160, 161. Ball, Assembly, 105-110. Ball, Charity, 103. Ball, general etiquette of, 48, 102-110. Ball, Inauguration, 104. Ball, public, 48, 103, 104. Ball, supper at, 110, 111. Bath, bachelor's, 17, 18. Bathing, 156. Bath, Turkish, 22. Beard, care of, 19. Best man, dress for, 184. Best man, etiquette for, 180-182, 184-187. Bicycling, 144, 145. Billiards, 157, 158. Boating, 156. Bolting food, 62. Boots, 12, 13, 28-30, 37. Boots, care of, 28-30. Boots, riding, 142. Boots, russet, 13, 42, 147, 155. Bowing, etiquette of, 2-6, 9. Bowling, 147. Bridegroom, 178-180. Bridegroom, dress of, 184. Bridegroom, expenses of, 177, 178. Bridegroom, presents to bride and wedding party, 179, 180. Brushes, 19-26, 28-31. Brushes, clothes, 25, 26, 28-31. Brushes, hair, 19, 22. Brushes, hat, 28. Brushes, nail, 22. Brushes, tooth, 20. Butler, duties of, 100. Butter, when served, 66. 

CABS, London and Paris, 164, 165. Cabs, ushers and best men, 184, 186. Calls, afternoon, 43-46. Calls, balls and dances, 45. Calls, condolence, 45, 193. Calls, dinner, 45. Calls, evening, 43, 46. Calls, general etiquette of, 43-46, 106, 193. Calls, opera and theater, 45, 46. Calls, period in which to be made, 45. Card cases, 50. Card parties, 55. Cards, announcement, 176, 177. Cards, condolence, 50, 195. Cards, etiquette of leaving, 52, 53. Cards, etiquette of playing, 159. Cards, etiquette of visiting, 49-53, 106, 193. Cards, how many to leave, 51. Cards, leaving in person, 50, 51. Cards, mailing, 50. Cards, wedding, 174-176. Carriage, etiquette of, 4, 139. Cars, etiquette in street, 4, 8, 9. Carving, 65. Ceremony, wedding, 184, 185. Chafed faces, how to prevent, 19. Chafing-dish suppers, 78. Chains, watch, 16. Champagne, 71, 77, 78, 81. Changing clothes, 23, 24. Chaperones, 76, 79, 82, 87, 109. Cheating at games, 154. Christening, etiquette of, 196. Church, aisles, going up, 5. Church, ceremony at weddings, 184, 185. Churches, foreign, 166. Claret, 71. Cleaning clothes, 31. Clergy, addressing, manner of, 122, 168. Closets, clothes put in, 26. Clothes, care of, 24-31. Clothes, cost of, 32-42. Clothes, folding and brushing, 24-31. Clothes, overhauling, 30. Clothes, packing and putting away, 30, 31, 91-93. Clothes, removing and changing, 23-27. Clothes, removing grease stains from, 31. Clowns of society, 199. Club, admission of visitors, 131, 132. Club, admission to, 128-130. Club, bowing from, window, 134. Club, elections to membership, 128-130. Clubs, etiquette of, 126-136. Club, pipe smoking at, 133. Club servants, 134. Club, treating at, 134. Club, wearing hat at, 133. Club, where ladies are admitted, 135. Coaching, 143, 144. Coaching, dress for, 144. Coachman, dress or and livery, 98. Coachman, duties of, 98. Coat of arms, 121. Coats, care, folding, and keeping of, 24-26. Coats, cost of, 33-36, 38. Coats, dinner or Tuxedo, 15, 35. Coats, dinner or Tuxedo, cost of, 35. Coats, dress or evening, when to wear, 13, 56, 164-167, 186. Coats, frock, cost of, 38. Coats, frock, when to wear, 12, 13, 186, 187, 195. Coats, frock, colored, 13. Coats, lounge or sack, 10-12. Coffee, black, when served, 73. "Company, " 198. Condolence, letters of, 125. Congratulation, letters of, 125. Corn, eating on cob, 72. Correspondence, etiquette of business, 120-123. Correspondence, etiquette of friendly, 119-121, 124. Cotillon, etiquette of, 112-118. Cotillon, figures of, 116-118. Cotillon, form of, 112-115. Cotillon, leading a, 113-115. Country house, entertaining by bachelor, 86-89. Country house, etiquette at, 85-93. Country house, furnishing of, 88. Country house, tipping servants at, 90. Country house, visits at, 88-90. Crests, use of, 121. Crossing legs in public, 8. Crossing streets, 1, 2. Cucumbers, how served and eaten, 69. Customhouse, French and English, 166, 167. 

"Damn, " when it may be excused, 200. Dance card, not used in New York, 108. Dance, etiquette of, 102-118. Dance, forms of, 109, 114-118. Dance, manner of asking to, 108. Dances, bachelor, 82. Dances, dinner, 60. Dances, invitations to, 48. "Del's, " 197. Diamonds, 16. Dinner, bachelor farewell, 161, 162. Dinner, bachelor host at home, 77, 78. Dinner, bachelor host at restaurant, 83. Dinner coat, when worn, 15. Dinner dance, 60. Dinner, general etiquette of, 46, 47, 54-74, 77, 78, 82, 83, 161, 162. Dinner, serving at, 78, 100. Don'ts of table etiquette, 62-65. Dress, afternoon, 13. Dress, afternoon wedding, 179, 185, 187. Dress, bachelor's, for all times, 13-16. Dress, badminton, 148. Dress, bathing, 156. Dress, boating, 156. Dress, bowling, 157. Dress, butler, 101. Dress, coaching, 138. Dress, coachman, 98. Dress, driving and coaching, 138. Dress, evening, 13-15, 32-35, 56, 156, 164, 166, 167. Dress, evening, formal, 13, 14. Dress, evening, informal, 15. Dress, evening wedding, 187. Dress, foreign, morning and evening functions, 164, 166, 167. Dress, funeral, 195. Dress, golf, 154. Dress, groom, 96, 97. Dress, morning or lounge, 11, 12. Dress, polo, 148. Dress, riding, 142. Dress, riding to hounds, 142. Dress, shipboard, 161, 162. Dress, shooting, 146. Dress, skating, 148. Dress, tennis, 156. Dress, theaters, London and Paris, 166. Dress, traveling, 160. Dress, valet, 99, 100. Dress, wheeling, 145. Dress, yachting, 149, 152. Drinking with mouth full, 63. 

Eggs, eaten from shell, 66. Elevator, etiquette of, 5. Engagements, announcement, 169, 170. Engagements, etiquette of, 169, 171. Engagements, presents during, 171. Engagement ring, 170. Entrées, manner of serving, 69. Envelopes and stationery, proper form of, 120, 122, 123. Envelopes, sealing, 122, 123. Escorts, 5, 9. Esquire, when used, 121. Expenses, wedding, who pays, 177. Eye, bath for, 19. 

Fares, paying, 9. Fees, foreign countries, 163-165. Feet, care of, 21. Fish, manner of eating, 69. Flask, brandy, 161. Flowers, sending, 171, 194, 198. Foreign etiquette, 162, 164. Foreign marriages, 191, 192. "Four hundred, " 197. French titles, 168. Frock coats, 12, 13, 38, 184, 195. Fruit, manner of eating, 71, 72. 

Gifts, when engaged, 171. Golf, dress for, 155. Golf, etiquette of, 153, 154. Gotham, 197. Grace at meals, 58. Grape fruit, 67. Grease, removal of, 31. Greetings, 198. Groom, dress of, 96, 97. Groom, duties of, 96-98. 

Hairbrushes, 22. Hair, care of, 21. Handkerchiefs, pocket, 14, 27. Hands, care of, 20. Hands on table, 64. Hat, care of, 28. Hat, Derby, when worn, 11. Hat, Hombourg or Alpine, when worn, 11. Hat, opera or crush, 13. Hat, straw, 15. Hat, top or silk, 13, 14. Hoisting colors, 150, 151. Hounds, riding to, 142. 

Introducing men to women, 41. Introduction, letters of, 45. Introductions, etiquette of, 41, 42. Introductions, formal, 41. Introductions, general, 41. Introductions in street not good form, 42. Introductions, when and when not made, 41, 42. Invitation, ball, 48, 103. Invitation, dance, 48. Invitation, dinner, 46, 47. Invitation, luncheon, 54, 76. Invitation, wedding, 172-176. Invitations, various forms of, 46-48, 54, 76, 172-176. Inauguration Ball, 104. 

Jacket, dinner or Tuxedo coat, 15, 34, 35. Jewelry, use of, 16. 

Ladies annex to clubs, 135. "Lady and gentleman, " when used, 198. Lancers, 109. Legs, crossing, 8. Letters, a bachelor's, 119-126. Letters, addressing, 121-123. Letters, business, 122, 124. Letters, condolence, 125. Letters, congratulation, 125. Letters, club, paper written on, 124. Letters, destroying old, 120. Letters, friendly, 122. Letters, hotel or business paper, written on, 124. Letters of introduction, 45. Letters, sealing, 123. Letters, stamping, 123. Lifting hat, occasions for, 2-7. Lift or elevators, etiquette of, 5. Liqueurs, 73. London, cab and hotel fees, 165, 166. London, general traveling etiquette, 165, 166. Luncheon dishes, 66. Luncheons, 54-56, 66, 74, 76, 77. Luncheons, bachelor, 76, 77. Lunch, quick, 64. 

Macaroni, 72. Mailing cards, 51. Manners, code of table, 64-73. Marriage announcements, 176. Marriage ceremony, 178. Marriages, formalities at foreign, 192. Men servants, 94-101. Menus, 67, 77, 78, 81, 111, 183. Ministers fees, by whom paid, 186. Morning bath, 17. Morning or lounge suit, 11, 12. "Mr. " and "Esq. , " when to use, 121. Mushrooms, how to eat, 70. 

Nailbrushes, 20. Nails, 20. Napkin, proper use of, 63. Nervous people at table, 63. Nobility, addressing, 167, 168. 

Omnibus, Paris and London, 166. Olives, how to eat, 69. Opera or crush hat, 14, 39. Opera or theater calls, 45. Opera, visits between the acts, 80. Overcoats, 14-16, 25. Overcoats, Chesterfield and covert, 14-16. Overhauling clothes, 30. Oysters, 68. Oyster cocktails, 68. 

Paper, note, correct kind, 120. Paris cabs, 165. Paris, etiquette for strangers, 164-166. Paris theaters, 166. Park suits, 13. Patriarchs' Ball, 105-111. Picnics, 85-87. Pipe smoking, 7, 133. Pope, audience with, 166. Pourboires, 165. Programme at London theaters, 164. 

Queen, how to address, 166. Quick lunch, 62. 

Radishes, when served, 67. Reception, wedding, 188. Removing grease, 31. Restaurant, bachelor dinner and luncheon at, 80-83. Restaurants, etiquette of, 5, 6. Riding, 140, 141. Riding to hounds, 142. Ring, engagement, 169, 170. 

Sack suits, 12. Salad, 71. Salt and pepper, individual, 75. Savories, 71. Scarves, 16. Scotch whisky, 73. Sea, costume at, 161, 162. Sealing letters, 123. Seat, giving one's, in car or ferry, 8, 9. Second helping, 65. Servants, a bachelor's, 94-101. Servants, club, 132, 134. Servants, general duties of, 94, 95. Shaven, clean, servants, 94, 95. Shaving, 18, 19. Shawl straps, 161. Sherry, 69. Ship, etiquette on board, 160-162. Ship, sending flowers to, 198. Shirts, 11-14, 24, 32, 35, 37. Shirts, colored, 12, 37. Shoe bag, 30. Shoes and boots, care of, 28, 29. Shoes, black leather, 12. Shoes, cost of, 36. Shoes, general information about, 12, 14, 28, 29, 37, 38. Shoes, patent leather, 12, 14, 28, 29. Shoes, russet, 12, 29, 145, 155, 162. Shooting, 146. Shops, etiquette of, 4. Signatures to letters, 121. Smoking, 7, 133. Smoking in street, 7. Smoking, pipe, 7, 133. Slang, use of, 198. "Society lady, " 199. Soup, 68. Sporting bachelor, 136-160. Stages, etiquette of, 4, 8. Stairways, etiquette of, 6, 7. Stamping letters, 123. Stamp, use of club, 123. Standing, in presence of women, 6, 8. Staring at women, 8. Stationery, business and hotel, 124. Stationery, club, 124, 134. Stationery, proper to use, 120, 124. Stopping acquaintances in street, 4. Strawberries, 72. Street, crossing, with lady, 1. Street, etiquette of, 1-9. Street, introductions on, 42. Street, smoking in, 7. Stick, proper method of holding, 7. Style of walking, proper, 7. Supper, ball and dance, 110, 111. Supper, chafing-dish, 78. Supper, given by a bachelor, 78, 81, 83, 84. Supper, restaurant, 78, 81, 82. Supper, suggestions for menu, 78, 81, 82. Swearing, caution against, 198. 

Table, carving at, 65. Table manners, 62-74. Table, setting and arrangement of, 75, 76. Tea, afternoon, etiquette of, 45. Teeth, care of, 19, 20. Tennis, etiquette of, 148. Terrapin, how to eat and serve, 70. Theater aisle, walking down, 5. Theater and opera, calls at, 45, 46. Theater clubs, 82. Theater, etiquette at, 3-5, 8, 45, 46, 78-80, 82. Theater parties, 78-82. Theaters, etiquette at foreign, 162, 163. Third person, addressing people in, 122. Ties and scarfs, 11, 12, 14, 16, 35, 179, 184. Ties, men's, cost of, 35. Ties, presentation of, to best man and ushers, 179. Tips and tipping, 90, 132, 165, 166. Titles, foreign, 167, 168. Toasts at dinner, 64. Toothbrushes, care of, 20. Tooth washes, 19, 20. Toilet articles, care of, 22. Toilet, bachelor's, 17-24. Tonic for hair, 21. Towels for bath, 18. Traveling, etiquette of, abroad, 161-163. Traveling, etiquette of, in America, 160-162. Trousers, care of, 26, 27. Trousers, folding, 26. Trousers, white duck and flannel, 12. Trunk, or bag, packed for Friday to Monday visit, 89. Trunks, how to pack, 160. Trunks, traveling with, 161. Turkish baths, 22. Tuxedo coat, when to wear, 15. 

Umbrella, how to carry, 7. Usher, dress of, 184. Ushers, duties of, at wedding, 186, 187. 

Valet, dress of, 99, 100. Valet, duties of, 98-100. Visiting cards, 49-53. Visiting cards, leaving, mailing, sending, 51-53. Visiting cards, style of, 49, 50. Visiting, country house, 85-93. Visiting, fashionable time for, in New York, 43. Visitors at clubs, 131, 132. Von, use of title, 168. 

Walking, etiquette of, 1-8. Walking, proper style of, 7. Waltzing, 109. Wedding, announcement, cards, 176. Wedding, church, 184-186. Wedding etiquette, 172-193. Wedding expenses, 177. Wedding, house, 188. Wedding, hour fashionable for, 172. Wedding receptions, 188, 189. Weddings, divorcee's and widow's, 176, 192. Weddings, English and French, 144, 145. Wheeling, etiquette of, 144, 145. Wheeling, proper dress for, 145. Whisky, Scotch, 73. 

Yachting, club rules for, cruise, 149-151. Yachting, etiquette of, 148-152. Yachting, proper dress for, 149. Yachting, proper uniform for officers and crew, 152. 

THE END. 

[Transcriber's Note: The following typographical errors from theoriginal edition have been corrected. No other corrections have beenmade to the original text. In addition, page references in the indexcontain numerous minor and several major inaccuracies. In most cases, the HTML version links to the nearest relevant section; in one case, nolink has been provided. 

In Chapter II, "Evening dress is _de rigeur_" has been changed to"Evening dress is _de rigueur_". 

In Chapter VII, "conveyed thereform in carriages" has been changed to"conveyed therefrom in carriages". 

In Chapter VIII, "Chatreuse, kümmel, curaçoa, and cognac" has beenchanged to "Chartreuse, kümmel, curaçoa, and cognac". 

In Chapter XIX, "carriages for the cortége" has been changed to"carriages for the cortège", "unless the cortége has been differentlyarranged" has been changed to "unless the cortège has been differentlyarranged", and "the intimate friends of the bridegroom of his relations"has been changed to "the intimate friends of the bridegroom or hisrelations". 

In Chapter XX, a missing quotation mark has been added at the end of thesentence "Servants have and keep 'company. '"]