THE ADVENTURES OF SIR LAUNCELOT GREAVES

by Tobias Smollett

With the Author's Preface, and an Introduction by G. H. Maynadier, Ph. D. Department of English, Harvard University

CONTENTS

 INTRODUCTION

 CHAPTER I In which certain Personages of this delightful History are introduced to the Reader's Acquaintance II In which the Hero of these Adventures makes his First Appearance on the Stage of Action III Which the Reader, on perusal, may wish were Chapter the last IV In which it appears that the Knight, when heartily set in for sleeping, was not easily disturbed V In which this Recapitulation draws to a close VI In which the Reader will perceive that in some Cases Madness is catching VII In which the Knight resumes his Importance VIII Which is within a hair's-breadth of proving highly interesting will interest the Curiosity of the Reader IX Which may serve to show, that true Patriotism is of no Party X Which showeth that he who plays at Bowls, will sometimes meet with Rubbers XI Description of a modern Magistrate XII Which shows there are more Ways to kill a Dog than Hanging XIII In which our Knight is tantalised with a transient Glimpse of Felicity XIV Which shows that a Man cannot always sip, when the Cup is at his Lip XV Exhibiting an Interview, which, it is to be hoped, will interest the Curiosity of the Reader XVI Which, it is to be hoped, the Reader will find an agreeable Medley of Mirth and Madness, Sense and Absurdity XVII Containing Adventures of Chivalry equally new and surprising XVIII In which the Rays of Chivalry shine with renovated Lustre XIX Containing the Achievements of the Knights of the Griffin and Crescent XX In which our Hero descends into the Mansions of the Damned XXI Containing further Anecdotes relating to the Children of Wretchedness XXII In which Captain Crowe is sublimed into the Regions of Astrology XXIII In which the Clouds that cover the Catastrophe begin to disperse XXIV The Knot that puzzles human Wisdom, the Hand of Fortune sometimes will untie familiar as her Garter XXV Which, it is to be hoped, will be, on more accounts than one, agreeable to the Reader

INTRODUCTION

It was on the great northern road from York to London, about thebeginning of the month of October, and the hour of eight in the evening, that four travellers were, by a violent shower of rain, driven forshelter into a little public-house on the side of the highway, distinguished by a sign which was said to exhibit the figure of a blacklion. The kitchen, in which they assembled, was the only room forentertainment in the house, paved with red bricks, remarkably clean, furnished with three or four Windsor chairs, adorned with shining platesof pewter, and copper saucepans, nicely scoured, that even dazzled theeyes of the beholder; while a cheerful fire of sea-coal blazed in thechimney. 

It would be hard to find a better beginning for a wholesome novel ofEnglish life, than these first two sentences in The Adventures of SirLauncelot Greaves. They are full of comfort and promise. They promisethat we shall get rapidly into the story; and so we do. They give us thehope, in which we are not to be disappointed, that we shall see a gooddeal of those English inns which to this day are delightful in reality, and which to generations of readers, have been delightful in fancy. Truly, English fiction, without its inns, were as much poorer as theEnglish country, without these same hostelries, were less comfortable. For few things in the world has the so-called "Anglo-Saxon" race morereason to be grateful than for good old English inns. Finally there is athird promise in these opening sentences of Sir Launcelot Greaves. "Thegreat northern road!" It was that over which the youthful Smollett madehis way to London in 1739; it was that over which, less than nine yearslater, he sent us travelling in company with Random and Strap and thequeer people whom they met on their way. And so there is the promisethat Smollett, after his departure in Count Fathom from the field ofpersonal experience which erstwhile he cultivated so successfully, hasreturned to see if the ground will yield him another rich harvest. Though it must be admitted that in Sir Launcelot Greaves his labours werebut partially successful, yet the story possesses a good deal of thelively verisimilitude which Fathom lacked. The very first page, as wehave seen, shows that its inns are going to be real. So, too, are mostof its highway adventures, and also its portion of those prison scenes ofwhich Smollett seems to have been so fond. As for the description of theparliamentary election, it is by no means the least graphic of its kindin the fiction of the last two centuries. The speech of Sir ValentineQuickset, the fox-hunting Tory candidate, is excellent, both for itsbrevity and for its simplicity. Any of his bumpkin audience couldunderstand perfectly his principal points: that he spends his estate of"vive thousand clear" at home in old English hospitality; that he comesof pure old English stock; that he hates all foreigners, not exceptingthose from Hanover; and that if he is elected, he "will cross theministry in everything, as in duty bound. "

In the characters, likewise, though less than in the scenes just spokenof, we recognise something of the old Smollett touch. True, it is nothigh praise to say of Miss Aurelia Darnel that she is more alive, orrather less lifeless, than Smollett's heroines have been heretofore. Nor can we give great praise to the characterisation of Sir Launcelot. Yet if less substantial than Smollett's roystering heroes, he is moredistinct than de Melvil in Fathom, the only one of our author's earlieryoung men, by the way, (with the possible exception of Godfrey Gauntlet)who can stand beside Greaves in never failing to be a gentleman. Itis a pity, when Greaves's character is so lovable, and save for hisknight-errantry, so well conceived, that the image is not more distinct. Crowe is distinct enough, however, though not quite consistently drawn. There is justice in Scott's objection [Tobias Smollett in Biographicaland Critical Notices of Eminent Novelists] that nothing in the seaman's"life . . . Renders it at all possible that he should have caught" thebaronet's Quixotism. Otherwise, so far from finding fault with the oldsailor, we are pleased to see Smollett returning in him to a favouritetype. It might be thought that he would have exhausted the possibilitiesof this type in Bowling and Trunnion and Pipes and Hatchway. In pointof fact, Crowe is by no means the equal of the first two of these. Andyet, with his heart in the right place, and his application of sea termsto land objects, Captain Samuel Crowe has a good deal of the rough charmof his prototypes. Still more distinct, and among Smollett's personagesa more novel figure, is the Captain's nephew, the dapper, verbose, tender-hearted lawyer, Tom Clarke. Apart from the inevitable Smollettexaggeration, a better portrait of a softish young attorney could hardlybe painted. Nor, in enumerating the characters of Sir Launcelot Greaveswho fix themselves in a reader's memory, should Tom's inamorata, Dolly, be forgotten, or the malicious Ferret, or that precious pair, Justice andMrs. Gobble, or the Knight's squire, Timothy Crabshaw, or that veryindividual horse, Gilbert, whose lot is to be one moment caressed, andthe next, cursed for a "hard-hearted, unchristian tuoad. "

Barring the Gobbles, all these characters are important in the book fromfirst to last. Sir Launcelot Greaves, then, is significant amongSmollett's novels, as indicating a reliance upon the personages forinterest quite as much as upon the adventures. If the author failed in asimilar intention in Fathom, it was not through lack of clearly conceivedcharacters, but through failure to make them flesh and blood. In thatbook, however, he put the adventures together more skilfully than in SirLauncelot Greaves, the plot of which is not only rather meagre but alsofar-fetched. There seems to be no adequate reason for the baronet's whimof becoming an English Don Quixote of the eighteenth century, except thechance it gave Smollett for imitating Cervantes. He was evidentlyhampered from the start by the consciousness that at best the success ofsuch imitation would be doubtful. Probably he expresses his ownmisgivings when he makes Ferret exclaim to the hero: "What! . . . Youset up for a modern Don Quixote? The scheme is rather too stale andextravagant. What was a . . . Well-timed satire in Spain near twohundred years ago, will . . . Appear . . . Insipid and absurd . . . At this time of day, in a country like England. " Whether fromthe author's half-heartedness or from some other cause, there is nodenying that the Quixotism in Sir Launcelot Greaves is flat. It is adrawback to the book rather than an aid. The plot could have developeditself just as well, the high-minded young baronet might have had just asentertaining adventures, without his imitation of the fine old SpanishDon. 

I have remarked on the old Smollett touch in Sir Launcelot Greaves, --theindividual touch of which we are continually sensible in Roderick Randomand Peregrine Pickle, but seldom in Count Fathom. With it is a newSmollett touch, indicative of a kindlier feeling towards the world. Itis commonly said that the only one of the writer's novels which containsa sufficient amount of charity and sweetness is Humphry Clinker. Thestatement is not quite true. Greaves is not so strikingly amiable asSmollett's masterpiece only because it is not so striking in any of itsexcellences; their lines are always a little blurred. Still, it showsthat ten years before Clinker, Smollett had learned to combine thecontradictory elements of life in something like their right proportions. If obscenity and ferocity are found in his fourth novel, they are nolonger found in a disproportionate degree. 

There is little more to say of Sir Launcelot Greaves, except in the wayof literary history. The given name of the hero may or may not besignificant. It is safe to say that if a Sir Launcelot had appeared infiction one or two generations earlier, had the fact been recognised(which is not indubitable) that he bore the name of the most celebratedknight of later Arthurian romance, he would have been nothing but aburlesque figure. But in 1760, literary taste was changing. Romanticismin literature had begun to come to the front again, as Smollett hadalready shown by his romantic leanings in Count Fathom. With it therecame interest in the Middle Ages and in the most popular fiction of theMiddle Ages, the "greatest of all poetic subjects, " according toTennyson, the stories of Arthur and his Knights of the Round Table, which, for the better part of a century, had been deposed from theirold-time place of honour. These stories, however, were as yet soimperfectly known--and only to a few--that the most to be said is thatsome connection between their reviving popularity and the name ofSmollett's knight-errant hero is not impossible. 

Apart from this, Sir Launcelot Greaves is interesting historically asending Smollett's comparatively long silence in novel-writing after thepublication of Fathom in 1753. His next work was the translation of DonQuixote, which he completed in 1755, and which may first have suggestedthe idea of an English knight, somewhat after the pattern of the Spanish. Be that as it may, before developing the idea, Smollett busied himselfwith his Complete History of England, and with the comedy, The Reprisal:or the Tars of Old England, a successful play which at last brought abouta reconciliation with his old enemy, Garrick. Two years later, in 1759, as editor of the Critical Review, Smollett was led into a criticism ofAdmiral Knowles's conduct that was judged libellous enough to give itsauthor three months in the King's Bench prison, during which time, it hasbeen conjectured, he began to mature his plans for the English Quixote. The result was that, in 1760 and 1761, Sir Launcelot Greaves came out invarious numbers of the British Magazine. Scott has given his authorityto the statement that Smollett wrote many of the instalments in greathaste, sometimes, during a visit in Berwickshire, dashing off thenecessary amount of manuscript in an hour or so just before the departureof the post. If the story is true, it adds its testimony to that of hisworks to the author's extraordinarily facile pen. Finally, in 1762, thenovel thus hurried off in instalments appeared as a whole. This methodof its introduction to the public gives Sir Launcelot Greaves stillanother claim to interest. It is one of the earliest English novels, indeed the earliest from the pen of a great writer, published in serialform. 

G. H. MAYNADIER. 

THE ADVENTURES OF SIR LAUNCELOT GREAVES

CHAPTER ONE

IN WHICH CERTAIN PERSONAGES OF THIS DELIGHTFUL HISTORY ARE INTRODUCED TOTHE READER'S ACQUAINTANCE. 

It was on the great northern road from York to London, about thebeginning of the month of October, and the hour of eight in the evening, that four travellers were, by a violent shower of rain, driven forshelter into a little public-house on the side of the highway, distinguished by a sign which was said to exhibit the figure of a blacklion. The kitchen, in which they assembled, was the only room forentertainment in the house, paved with red bricks, remarkably clean, furnished with three or four Windsor chairs, adorned with shining platesof pewter, and copper saucepans, nicely scoured, that even dazzled theeyes of the' beholder; while a cheerful fire of sea-coal blazed in thechimney. Three of the travellers, who arrived on horseback, having seentheir cattle properly accommodated in the stable, agreed to pass thetime, until the weather should clear up, over a bowl of rumbo, which wasaccordingly prepared. But the fourth, refusing to join their company, took his station at the opposite side of the chimney, and called for apint of twopenny, with which he indulged himself apart. At a littledistance, on his left hand, there was another group, consisting of thelandlady, a decent widow, her two daughters, the elder of whom seemed tobe about the age of fifteen, and a country lad, who served both as waiterand ostler. 

The social triumvirate was composed of Mr. Fillet, a country practitionerin surgery and midwifery, Captain Crowe, and his nephew Mr. ThomasClarke, an attorney. Fillet was a man of some education, and a greatdeal of experience, shrewd, sly, and sensible. Captain Crowe hadcommanded a merchant ship in the Mediterranean trade for many years, andsaved some money by dint of frugality and traffic. He was an excellentseaman, brave, active, friendly in his way, and scrupulously honest; butas little acquainted with the world as a sucking child; whimsical, impatient, and so impetuous, that he could not help breaking in upon theconversation, whatever it might be, with repeated interruptions, thatseemed to burst from him by involuntary impulse. When he himselfattempted to speak he never finished his period; but made such a numberof abrupt transitions, that his discourse seemed to be an unconnectedseries of unfinished sentences, the meaning of which it was not easy todecipher. 

His nephew, Tom Clarke, was a young fellow, whose goodness ofheart even the exercise of his profession had not been able to corrupt. Before strangers he never owned himself an attorney without blushing, though he had no reason to blush for his own practice, for he constantlyrefused to engage in the cause of any client whose character wasequivocal, and was never known to act with such industry as whenconcerned for the widow and orphan, or any other object that sued informa pauperis. Indeed, he was so replete with human kindness, that asoften as an affecting story or circumstance was told in his hearing, itoverflowed at his eyes. Being of a warm complexion, he was verysusceptible of passion, and somewhat libertine in his amours. In otherrespects, he piqued himself on understanding the practice of the courts, and in private company he took pleasure in laying down the law; but hewas an indifferent orator, and tediously circumstantial in hisexplanations. His stature was rather diminutive; but, upon the whole, hehad some title to the character of a pretty, dapper, little fellow. 

The solitary guest had something very forbidding in his aspect, which wascontracted by an habitual frown. His eyes were small and red, and sodeep set in the sockets, that each appeared like the unextinguished snuffof a farthing candle, gleaming through the horn of a dark lanthorn. Hisnostrils were elevated in scorn, as if his sense of smelling had beenperpetually offended by some unsavoury odour; and he looked as if hewanted to shrink within himself from the impertinence of society. Hewore a black periwig as straight as the pinions of a raven, and this wascovered with a hat flapped, and fastened to his head by a speckledhandkerchief tied under his chin. He was wrapped in a greatcoat of brownfrieze, under which he seemed to conceal a small bundle. His name wasFerret, and his character distinguished by three peculiarities. He wasnever seen to smile; he was never heard to speak in praise of any personwhatsoever; and he was never known to give a direct answer to anyquestion that was asked; but seemed, on all occasions, to be actuated bythe most perverse spirit of contradiction. 

Captain Crowe, having remarked that it was squally weather, asked how farit was to the next market town; and understanding that the distance wasnot less than six miles, said he had a good mind to come to an anchor forthe night, if so be as he could have a tolerable berth in this hereharbour. Mr. Fillet, perceiving by his style that he was a seafaringgentleman, observed that their landlady was not used to lodge suchcompany; and expressed some surprise that he, who had no doubt endured somany storms and hardships at sea, should think much of travelling five orsix miles a-horseback by moonlight. "For my part, " said he, "I ride inall weathers, and at all hours, without minding cold, wet, wind, ordarkness. My constitution is so case-hardened that I believe I couldlive all the year at Spitzbergen. With respect to this road, I knowevery foot of it so exactly, that I'll engage to travel forty miles uponit blindfold, without making one false step; and if you have faith enoughto put yourselves under my auspices, I will conduct you safe to anelegant inn, where you will meet with the best accommodation. " "Thankyou, brother, " replied the captain, "we are much beholden to you for yourcourteous offer; but, howsomever, you must not think I mind foul weathermore than my neighbours. I have worked hard aloft and alow in many ataut gale; but this here is the case, d'ye see; we have run down a longday's reckoning; our beasts have had a hard spell; and as for my own hap, brother, I doubt my bottom-planks have lost some of their sheathing, being as how I a'n't used to that kind of scrubbing. "

The doctor, who had practised aboard a man-of-war in his youth, and wasperfectly well acquainted with the captain's dialect, assured him that ifhis bottom was damaged he would new pay it with an excellent salve, whichhe always carried about him to guard against such accidents on the road. But Tom Clarke, who seemed to have cast the eyes of affection upon thelandlady's eldest daughter, Dolly, objected to their proceeding fartherwithout rest and refreshment, as they had already travelled fifty milessince morning; and he was sure his uncle must be fatigued both in mindand body, from vexation, as well as from hard exercise, to which he hadnot been accustomed. Fillet then desisted, saying, he was sorry to findthe captain had any cause of vexation; but he hoped it was not anincurable evil. This expression was accompanied with a look ofcuriosity, which Mr. Clarke was glad of an occasion to gratify; for, aswe have hinted above, he was a very communicative gentleman, and theaffair which now lay upon his stomach interested him nearly. 

"I'll assure you, sir, " said he, "this here gentleman, Captain Crowe, whois my mother's own brother, has been cruelly used by some of hisrelations. He bears as good a character as any captain of a ship on theRoyal Exchange, and has undergone a variety of hardships at sea. Whatd'ye think, now, of his bursting all his sinews, and making his eyesstart out of his head, in pulling his ship off a rock, whereby he savedto his owners"----Here he was interrupted by the captain, whoexclaimed, "Belay, Tom, belay; pr'ythee, don't veer out such a deal ofjaw. Clap a stopper on thy cable and bring thyself up, my lad--what adeal of stuff thou has pumped up concerning bursting and starting, andpulling ships; Laud have mercy upon us!--look ye here, brother--look yehere--mind these poor crippled joints; two fingers on the starboard, andthree on the larboard hand; crooked, d'ye see, like the knees of abilander. I'll tell you what, brother, you seem to be a--ship deepladen--rich cargo--current setting into the bay--hard gale--lee shore--all hands in the boat--tow round the headland--self pulling for dearblood, against the whole crew--snap go the finger-braces--crack went theeye-blocks. Bounce daylight--flash starlight--down I foundered, dark ashell--whiz went my ears, and my head spun like a whirligig. That don'tsignify--I'm a Yorkshire boy, as the saying is--all my life at sea, brother, by reason of an old grandmother and maiden aunt, a couple of oldstinking--kept me these forty years out of my grandfather's estate. Hearing as how they had taken their departure, came ashore, hired horses, and clapped on all my canvas, steering to the northward, to takepossession of my--But it don't signify talking--these two old piratical--had held a palaver with a lawyer--an attorney, Tom, d'ye mind me, anattorney--and by his assistance hove me out of my inheritance. That isall, brother--hove me out of five hundred pounds a year--that's all--whatsignifies--but such windfalls we don't every day pick up along shore. Fill about, brother--yes, by the L--d! those two smuggling harridans, with the assistance of an attorney--an attorney, Tom--hove me out of fivehundred a year. " "Yes, indeed, sir, " added Mr. Clarke, "those twomalicious old women docked the intail, and left the estate to an alien. "

Here Mr. Ferret thought proper to intermingle in the conversation with a"Pish, what dost talk of docking the intail? Dost not know that by thestatute Westm. 2, 13 Ed. The will and intention of the donor must befulfilled, and the tenant in tail shall not alien after issue had, orbefore. " "Give me leave, sir, " replied Tom, "I presume you are apractitioner in the law. Now, you know, that in the case of a contingentremainder, the intail may be destroyed by levying a fine, and suffering arecovery, or otherwise destroying the particular estate, before thecontingency happens. If feoffees, who possess an estate only during thelife of a son, where divers remainders are limited over, make a feoffmentin fee to him, by the feoffment, all the future remainders are destroyed. Indeed, a person in remainder may have a writ of intrusion, if any dointrude after the death of a tenant for life, and the writ ex graviquerela lies to execute a device in remainder after the death of a tenantin tail without issue. " "Spoke like a true disciple of Geber, " criesFerret. "No, sir, " replied Mr. Clarke, "Counsellor Caper is in theconveyancing way--I was clerk to Serjeant Croker. " "Ay, now you may setup for yourself, " resumed the other; "for you can prate as unintelligiblyas the best of them. "

"Perhaps, " said Tom, "I do not make myself understood; if so be as howthat is the case, let us change the position, and suppose that this herecase is a tail after a possibility of issue extinct. If a tenant in tailafter a possibility make a feoffment of his land, he in reversion mayenter for the forfeiture. Then we must make a distinction betweengeneral tail and special tail. It is the word body that makes theintail: there must be a body in the tail, devised to heirs male orfemale, otherwise it is a fee-simple, because it is not limited of whatbody. Thus a corporation cannot be seized in tail. For example, here isa young woman--What is your name, my dear?" "Dolly, " answered thedaughter, with a curtsey. "Here's Dolly--I seize Dolly in tail--Dolly, Iseize you in tail"--"Sha't then, " cried Dolly, pouting. "I am seized ofland in fee--I settle on Dolly in tail. "

Dolly, who did not comprehend the nature of the illustration, understoodhim in a literal sense, and, in a whimpering tone, exclaimed, "Sha'tthen, I tell thee, cursed tuoad!" Tom, however, was so transported withhis subject, that he took no notice of poor Dolly's mistake, butproceeded in his harangue upon the different kinds of tails, remainders, and seisins, when he was interrupted by a noise that alarmed the wholecompany. The rain had been succeeded by a storm of wind that howledaround the house with the most savage impetuosity, and the heavens wereovercast in such a manner that not one star appeared, so that all withoutwas darkness and uproar. This aggravated the horror of divers loudscreams, which even the noise of the blast could not exclude from theears of our astonished travellers. Captain Crowe called out, "Avast, avast!" Tom Clarke sat silent, staring wildly, with his mouth stillopen; the surgeon himself seemed startled, and Ferret's countenancebetrayed evident marks of confusion. The ostler moved nearer thechimney, and the good woman of the house, with her two daughters, creptcloser to the company. 

After some pause, the captain starting up, "These, " said he, "be signalsof distress. Some poor souls in danger of foundering--let us bear upa-head, and see if we can give them any assistance. " The landlady beggedhim, for Christ's sake, not to think of going out, for it was a spiritthat would lead him astray into fens and rivers, and certainly do him amischief. Crowe seemed to be staggered by this remonstrance, which hisnephew reinforced, observing, that it might be a stratagem of rogues todecoy them into the fields, that they might rob them under the cloud ofnight. Thus exhorted, he resumed his seat, and Mr. Ferret began to makevery severe strictures upon the folly and fear of those who believed andtrembled at the visitation of spirits, ghosts, and goblins. He said hewould engage with twelve pennyworth of phosphorus to frighten a wholeparish out of their senses; then he expatiated on the pusillanimity ofthe nation in general, ridiculed the militia, censured the government, and dropped some hints about a change of hands, which the captain couldnot, and the doctor would not, comprehend. 

Tom Clarke, from the freedom of his discourse, concluded he was aministerial spy, and communicated his opinion to his uncle in a whisper, while this misanthrope continued to pour forth his invectives with afluency peculiar to himself. The truth is, Mr. Ferret had been a partywriter, not from principle, but employment, and had felt the rod ofpower, in order to avoid a second exertion of which, he now found itconvenient to skulk about in the country, for he had received intimationof a warrant from the secretary of state, who wanted to be betteracquainted with his person. Notwithstanding the ticklish nature of hissituation, it was become so habitual to him to think and speak in acertain manner, that even before strangers whose principles andconnexions he could not possibly know, he hardly ever opened his mouth, without uttering some direct or implied sarcasm against the government. 

He had already proceeded a considerable way in demonstrating, that thenation was bankrupt and beggared, and that those who stood at the helmwere steering full into the gulf of inevitable destruction, when hislecture was suddenly suspended by a violent knocking at the door, whichthreatened the whole house with inevitable demolition. Captain Crowe, believing they should be instantly boarded, unsheathed his hanger, andstood in a posture of defence. Mr. Fillet armed himself with the poker, which happened to be red hot; the ostler pulled down a rusty firelock, that hung by the roof, over a flitch of bacon. Tom Clarke perceiving thelandlady and her children distracted with terror, conducted them, out ofmere compassion, below stairs into the cellar; and as for Mr. Ferret, heprudently withdrew into an adjoining pantry. 

But as a personage of great importance in this entertaining history wasforced to remain some time at the door before he could gain admittance, so must the reader wait with patience for the next chapter, in which hewill see the cause of this disturbance explained much to his comfort andedification. 

CHAPTER TWO

IN WHICH THE HERO OF THESE ADVENTURES MAKES HIS FIRST APPEARANCE ON THESTAGE OF ACTION. 

The outward door of the Black Lion had already sustained two dreadfulshocks, but at the third it flew open, and in stalked an apparition thatsmote the hearts of our travellers with fear and trepidation. It was thefigure of a man armed cap-a-pee, bearing on his shoulders a bundledropping with water, which afterwards appeared to be the body of a manthat seemed to have been drowned, and fished up from the bottom of theneighbouring river. 

Having deposited his burden carefully on the floor, he addressed himselfto the company in these words: "Be not surprised, good people, at thisunusual appearance, which I shall take an opportunity to explain, andforgive the rude and boisterous manner in which I have demanded, andindeed forced admittance; the violence of my intrusion was the effect ofnecessity. In crossing the river, my squire and his horse were sweptaway by the stream, and, with some difficulty, I have been able to draghim ashore, though I am afraid my assistance reached him too late, forsince I brought him to land he has given no signs of life. "

Here he was interrupted by a groan, which issued from the chest of thesquire, and terrified the spectators as much as it comforted the master. After some recollection, Mr. Fillet began to undress the body, which waslaid in a blanket on the floor, and rolled from side to side by hisdirection. A considerable quantity of water being discharged from themouth of this unfortunate squire, he uttered a hideous roar, and, openinghis eyes, stared wildly around. Then the surgeon undertook for hisrecovery; and his master went forth with the ostler in quest of thehorses, which he had left by the side of the river. His back was nosooner turned, than Ferret, who had been peeping from behind thepantry-door, ventured to rejoin the company; pronouncing with a smile, or rather grin, of contempt, "Hey-day! what precious mummery is this?What, are we to have the farce of Hamlet's ghost?" "Adzooks, " cried thecaptain, "My kinsman Tom has dropped astern--hope in God a-has not bulgedto, and gone to bottom. " "Pish, " exclaimed the misanthrope, "there's nodanger; the young lawyer is only seizing Dolly in tail. "

Certain it is, Dolly squeaked at that instant in the cellar; and Clarkeappearing soon after in some confusion, declared she had been frightenedby a flash of lightning. But this assertion was not confirmed by theyoung lady herself, who eyed him with a sullen regard, indicatingdispleasure, though not indifference; and when questioned by her mother, replied, "A doan't maind what a-says, so a doan't, vor all his goaldenjacket, then. "

In the meantime the surgeon had performed the operation of phlebotomy onthe squire, who was lifted into a chair, and supported by the landladyfor that purpose; but he had not as yet given any sign of havingretrieved the use of his senses. And here Mr. Fillet could not helpcontemplating, with surprise, the strange figure and accoutrements of hispatient, who seemed in age to be turned of fifty. His stature was belowthe middle size; he was thick, squat, and brawny, with a smallprotuberance on one shoulder, and a prominent belly, which, inconsequence of the water he had swallowed, now strutted beyond its usualdimensions. His forehead was remarkably convex, and so very low, thathis black bushy hair descended within an inch of his nose; but this didnot conceal the wrinkles of his front, which were manifold. His smallglimmering eyes resembled those of the Hampshire porker, that turns upthe soil with his projecting snout. His cheeks were shrivelled andpuckered at the corners, like the seams of a regimental coat as it comesfrom the hands of the contractor. His nose bore a strong analogy inshape to a tennis-ball, and in colour to a mulberry; for all the water ofthe river had not been able to quench the natural fire of that feature. His upper jaw was furnished with two long white sharp-pointed teeth orfangs, such as the reader may have observed in the chaps of a wolf, orfull-grown mastiff, and an anatomist would describe as a preternaturalelongation of the dentes canini. His chin was so long, so peaked, andincurvated, as to form in profile, with his impending forehead, the exactresemblance of a moon in the first quarter. With respect to hisequipage, he had a leathern cap upon his head, faced like those worn bymarines, and exhibiting in embroidery, the figure of a crescent. Hiscoat was of white cloth, faced with black, and cut in a very antiquefashion; and, in lieu of a waistcoat, he wore a buff jerkin. His feetwere cased with loose buskins, which, though they rose almost to hisknee, could not hide that curvature, known by the appellation of bandylegs. A large string of bandaliers garnished a broad belt that gracedhis shoulders, from whence depended an instrument of war, which wassomething between a back-sword and a cutlass; and a case of pistols werestuck in his girdle. 

Such was the figure which the whole company now surveyed with admiration. After some pause, he seemed to recover his recollection. He rolled abouthis eyes around, and, attentively surveying every individual, exclaimed, in a strange tone, "Bodikins! where's Gilbert?" This interrogation didnot savour much of sanity, especially when accompanied with a wildstare, which is generally interpreted as a sure sign of a disturbedunderstanding. Nevertheless, the surgeon endeavoured to assist hisrecollection. "Come, " said he, "have a good heart. --How dost do, friend?" "Do!" replied the squire, "do as well as I can. --That's a lietoo; I might have done better. I had no business to be here. " "Youought to thank God and your master, " resumed the surgeon, "for theprovidential escape you have had. " "Thank my master!" cried the squire, "thank the devil! Go and teach your grannum to crack filberds. I knowwho I'm bound to pray for, and who I ought to curse the longest day Ihave to live. "

Here the captain interposing, "Nay, brother, " said he, "you are bound topray for this here gentleman as your sheet-anchor; for, if so be as hehad not cleared your stowage of the water you had taken in at your upperworks, and lightened your veins, d'ye see, by taking away some of yourblood, adad! you had driven before the gale, and never been brought upin this world again, d'ye see. " "What, then you would persuade me, "replied the patient, "that the only way to save my life was to shed myprecious blood? Look ye, friend, it shall not be lost blood to me. --Itake you all to witness, that there surgeon, or apothecary, or farrier, or dog-doctor, or whatsoever he may be, has robbed me of the balsam oflife. --He has not left so much blood in my body as would fatten a starvedflea. --O! that there was a lawyer here to serve him with a siserari. "

Then fixing his eyes upon Ferret, he proceeded: "An't you a limb of thelaw, friend?--No, I cry you mercy, you look more like a showman or aconjurer. "--Ferret, nettled at this address, answered, "It would be wellfor you, that I could conjure a little common sense into that numskull ofyours. " "If I want that commodity, " rejoined the squire, "I must go toanother market, I trow. --You legerdemain men be more like to conjure themoney from our pockets than sense into our skulls. Vor my own part, Iwas once cheated of vorty good shillings by one of your broother cups andballs. " In all probability he would have descended to particulars, hadhe not been seized with a return of his nausea, which obliged him to callfor a bumper of brandy. This remedy being swallowed, the tumult in hisstomach subsided. He desired he might be put to bed without delay, andthat half a dozen eggs and a pound of bacon might, in a couple of hours, be dressed for his supper. 

He was accordingly led off the scene by the landlady and her daughter;and Mr. Ferret had just time to observe the fellow was a composition, inwhich he did not know whether knave or fool most predominated, when themaster returned from the stable. He had taken off his helmet, and nowdisplayed a very engaging countenance. His age did not seem to exceedthirty. He was tall, and seemingly robust; his face long and oval, hisnose aquiline, his mouth furnished with a set of elegant teeth, white asthe drifted snow, his complexion clear, and his aspect noble. Hischestnut hair loosely flowed in short natural curls; and his grey eyesshone with such vivacity, as plainly showed that his reason was a littlediscomposed. Such an appearance prepossessed the greater part of thecompany in his favour. He bowed round with the most polite and affableaddress; inquired about his squire, and, being informed of the pains Mr. Fillet had taken for his recovery, insisted upon that gentleman'saccepting a handsome gratuity. Then, in consideration of the cold bathhe had undergone, he was prevailed upon to take the post of honour;namely, the great chair fronting the fire, which was reinforced with abillet of wood for his comfort and convenience. 

Perceiving his fellow-travellers, either overawed into silence by hispresence, or struck dumb with admiration at his equipage, he accostedthem in these words, while an agreeable smile dimpled on his cheek:--

"The good company wonders, no doubt, to see a man cased in armour, suchas hath been for above a whole century disused in this and every othercountry of Europe; and perhaps they will be still more surprised, whenthey hear that man profess himself a novitiate of that military order, which hath of old been distinguished in Great Britain, as well as throughall Christendom, by the name of knights-errant. Yes, gentlemen, in thatpainful and thorny path of toil and danger I have begun my career, acandidate for honest fame; determined, as far as in me lies, to honourand assert the efforts of virtue; to combat vice in all her forms, redress injuries, chastise oppression, protect the helpless and forlorn, relieve the indigent, exert my best endeavours in the cause of innocenceand beauty, and dedicate my talents, such as they are, to the service ofmy country. "

"What!" said Ferret, "you set up for a modern Don Quixote? The schemeis rather too stale and extravagant. What was a humorous romance andwell-timed satire in Spain near two hundred years ago, will make but asorry jest, and appear equally insipid and absurd when really acted fromaffectation, at this time of day, in a country like England. "

The knight, eyeing this censor with a look of disdain, replied, in asolemn, lofty tone: "He that from affectation imitates the extravaganciesrecorded of Don Quixote, is an impostor equally wicked and contemptible. He that counterfeits madness, unless he dissembles, like the elderBrutus, for some virtuous purpose, not only debases his own soul, butacts as a traitor to Heaven, by denying the divinity that is within him. I am neither an affected imitator of Don Quixote, nor, as I trust inHeaven, visited by that spirit of lunacy so admirably displayed in thefictitious character exhibited by the inimitable Cervantes. I have notyet encountered a windmill for a giant, nor mistaken this public-housefor a magnificent castle; neither do I believe this gentleman to be theconstable; nor that worthy practitioner to be Master Elizabat, thesurgeon recorded in Amadis de Gaul; nor you to be the enchanter Alquife, nor any other sage of history or romance; I see and distinguish objectsas they are discerned and described by other men. I reason withoutprejudice, can endure contradiction, and, as the company perceives, evenbear impertinent censure without passion or resentment. I quarrel withnone but the foes of virtue and decorum, against whom I have declaredperpetual war, and them I will everywhere attack as the natural enemiesof mankind. "

"But that war, " said the cynic, "may soon be brought to a conclusion, andyour adventures close in Bridewell, provided you meet with somedetermined constable, who will seize your worship as a vagrant, accordingto the statute. " "Heaven and earth!" cried the stranger, starting up, and laying his hand on his sword, "do I live to hear myself insulted withsuch an opprobrious epithet, and refrain from trampling into dust theinsolent calumniator?"

The tone in which these words were pronounced, and the indignation thatflashed from the eyes of the speaker, intimidated every individual of thesociety, and reduced Ferret to a temporary privation of all hisfaculties. His eyes retired within their sockets; his complexion, whichwas naturally of a copper hue, now shifted to a leaden colour; his teethbegan to chatter; and all his limbs were agitated by a sudden palsy. Theknight observed his condition, and resumed his seat, saying, "I was toblame; my vengeance must be reserved for very different objects. Friend, you have nothing to fear--the sudden gust of passion is now blown over. Recollect yourself, and I will reason calmly on the observation you havemade. "

This was a very seasonable declaration to Mr. Ferret, who opened hiseyes, and wiped his forehead, while the other proceeded in these terms:"You say I am in danger of being apprehended as a vagrant. I am not soignorant of the laws of my country, but that I know the description ofthose who fall within the legal meaning of this odious term. You mustgive me leave to inform you, friend, that I am neither bearward, fencer, stroller, gipsy, mountebank, nor mendicant; nor do I practise subtlecraft, to deceive and impose upon the king's lieges; nor can I be held asan idle disorderly person, travelling from place to place, collectingmonies by virtue of counterfeited passes, briefs, and other falsepretences; in what respect, therefore, am I to be deemed a vagrant?Answer boldly without fear or scruple. "

To this interrogation the misanthrope replied, with a faltering accent, "If not a vagrant, you incur the penalty for riding armed in affray ofthe peace. " "But, instead of riding armed in affray of the peace, "resumed the other, "I ride in preservation of the peace; and gentlemenare allowed by the law to wear armour for their defence. Some ride withblunderbusses, some with pistols, some with swords, according to theirvarious inclinations. Mine is to wear the armour of my forefathers. Perhaps I use them for exercise, in order to accustom myself to fatigue, and strengthen my constitution; perhaps I assume them for a frolic. "

"But if you swagger, armed and in disguise, assault me on the highway, orput me in bodily fear for the sake of the jest, the law will punish youin earnest, " cried the other. "But my intention, " answered the knight, "is carefully to avoid all those occasions of offence. " "Then, " saidFerret, "you may go unarmed, like other sober people. " "Not so, "answered the knight; "as I propose to travel all times, and in allplaces, mine armour may guard me against the attempts of treachery; itmay defend me in combat against odds, should I be assaulted by amultitude, or have occasion to bring malefactors to justice. "

"What, then, " exclaimed the philosopher, "you intend to co-operate withthe honourable fraternity of thief-takers?" "I do purpose, " said theyouth, eyeing him with a look of ineffable contempt, "to act as acoadjutator to the law, and even to remedy evils which the law cannotreach; to detect fraud and treason, abase insolence, mortify pride, discourage slander, disgrace immodesty, and stigmatise ingratitude, butthe infamous part of a thief-catcher's character I disclaim. I neitherassociate with robbers and pickpockets, knowing them to be such, that, inbeing intrusted with their secrets, I may the more effectually betraythem; nor shall I ever pocket the reward granted by the legislature tothose by whom robbers are brought to conviction; but I shall always thinkit my duty to rid my country of that pernicious vermin, which prey uponthe bowels of the commonwealth--not but that an incorporated company oflicensed thieves might, under proper regulations, be of service to thecommunity. "

Ferret, emboldened by the passive tameness with which the stranger borehis last reflection, began to think he had nothing of Hector but hisoutside, and gave a loose to all the acrimony of his party rancour. Hearing the knight mention a company of licensed thieves, "What else, "cried he, "is the majority of the nation? What is your standing army athome, that eat up their fellow-subjects? What are your mercenariesabroad, whom you hire to fight their own quarrels? What is your militia, that wise measure of a sagacious ministry, but a larger gang of pettythieves, who steal sheep and poultry through mere idleness; and werethey confronted with an enemy, would steal themselves away? What is your . . . But a knot of thieves, who pillage the nation under colour oflaw, and enrich themselves with the wreck of their country? When youconsider the enormous debt of above an hundred millions, the intolerableload of taxes and impositions under which we groan, and the manner inwhich that burden is yearly accumulating, to support two Germanelectorates, without our receiving anything in return, but the shows oftriumph and shadows of conquest;--I say, when you reflect on thesecircumstances, and at the same time behold our cities filled withbankrupts, and our country with beggars, can you be so infatuated as todeny that the ministry is mad, or worse than mad--our wealth exhausted, our people miserable, our credit blasted, and our state on the brink ofperdition? This prospect, indeed, will make the fainter impression, ifwe recollect that we ourselves are a pack of such profligate, corrupted, pusillanimous rascals, as deserve no salvation. "

The stranger, raising his voice to a loud tone, replied, "Such, indeed, are the insinuations, equally false and insidious, with which thedesperate emissaries of a party endeavour to poison the minds of hismajesty's subjects, in defiance of common honesty and common sense. Buthe must be blind to all perception, and dead to candour, who does not seeand own that we are involved in a just and necessary war, which has beenmaintained on truly British principles, prosecuted with vigour, andcrowned with success; that our taxes are easy, in proportion to ourwealth; that our conquests are equally glorious and important; that ourcommerce flourishes, our people are happy, and our enemies reduced todespair. Is there a man who boasts a British heart, that repines at thesuccess and prosperity of his country? Such there are, (Oh, shame topatriotism, and reproach to Great Britain!) who act as the emissaries ofFrance, both in word and writing; who exaggerate our necessary burdens, magnify our dangers, extol the power of our enemies, deride ourvictories, extenuate our conquests, condemn the measures of ourgovernment, and scatter the seeds of dissatisfaction through the land. Such domestic traitors are doubly the objects of detestation;--first, inperverting truth; and, secondly, in propagating falsehood, to theprejudice of that community of which they have professed themselvesmembers. One of these is well known by the name of Ferret, an old, rancorous, incorrigible instrument of sedition. Happy it is for him thathe has never fallen in my way; for, notwithstanding the maxims offorbearance which I have adopted, the indignation which the character ofthat caitiff inspires, would probably impel me to some act of violence, and I should crush him like an ungrateful viper, that gnawed the bosomwhich warmed it into life!"

These last words were pronounced with a wildness of look, that evenbordered upon frenzy. The misanthrope once more retired to the pantryfor shelter, and the rest of the guests were evidently disconcerted. 

Mr. Fillet, in order to change the conversation, which was likely toproduce serious consequences, expressed uncommon satisfaction at theremarks which the knight had made, signified his approbation of thehonourable office he had undertaken, declared himself happy in havingseen such an accomplished cavalier, and observed, that nothing waswanting to render him a complete knight-errant, but some celebratedbeauty, the mistress of his heart, whose idea might animate his breast, and strengthen his arm to the utmost exertion of valour. He added, thatlove was the soul of chivalry. 

The stranger started at this discourse. He turned his eyes on thesurgeon with a fixed regard; his countenance changed; a torrent of tearsgushed down his cheeks; his head sunk upon his bosom; he heaved aprofound sigh, and remained in silence with all the external marks ofunutterable sorrow. The company were, in some measure, infected by hisdespondence, concerning the cause of which, however, they would notventure to inquire. 

By this time the landlady, having disposed of the squire, desired toknow, with many curtsies, if his honour would not choose to put off hiswet garments, assuring him, that she had a very good feather bed at hisservice, upon which many gentlevolks of the virst quality had lain, thatthe sheets were well aired, and that Dolly would warm them for hisworship with a pan of coals. This hospitable offer being repeated, heseemed to wake from a trance of grief, arose from his seat, and, bowingcourteously to the company, withdrew. 

Captain Crowe, whose faculty of speech had been all this time absorbed inamazement, now broke into the conversation with a volley ofinterjections. "Split my snatchblock!--Odd's firkin!--Splice my oldshoes!--I have sailed the salt seas, brother, since I was no higher thanthe Triton's taffrel--east, west, north, and south, as the saying is--Blacks, Indians, Moors, Morattos, and Seapoys;--but, smite my timbers!such a man of war--"

Here he was interrupted by his nephew, Tom Clarke, who had disappeared atthe knight's first entrance, and now produced himself with an eagernessin his look, while the tears stared in his eyes. --"Lord bless my soul!"cried he, "I know that gentleman, and his servant, as well as I know myown father!--I am his own godson, uncle; he stood for me when he was aboy--yes, indeed, sir, my father was steward to the estate--I may say Iwas bred up in the family of Sir Everhard Greaves, who has been deadthese two years--this is the only son, Sir Launcelot; the best-natured, worthy, generous gentleman--I care not who knows it. I love him as wellas if he was my own flesh and blood. "

At this period, Tom, whose heart was of the melting mood, began to soband weep plenteously, from pure affection. Crowe, who was not verysubject to these tendernesses, d---ed him for a chicken-hearted lubber;repeating, with much peevishness, "What dost cry for? what dost cry for, noddy?" The surgeon, impatient to know the story of Sir Launcelot, whichhe had heard imperfectly recounted, begged that Mr. Clarke would composehimself, and relate it as circumstantially as his memory would retain theparticulars; and Tom, wiping his eyes, promised to give him thatsatisfaction; which the reader, if he be so minded, may partake in thenext chapter. 

CHAPTER THREE

WHICH THE READER, ON PERUSAL, MAY WISH WERE CHAPTER THE LAST. 

The doctor prescribed a repetatur of the julep, and mixed theingredients, secundum artem; Tom Clarke hemmed thrice, to clear hispipes; while the rest of the company, including Dolly and her mother, whohad by this time administered to the knight, composed themselves intoearnest and hushed attention. Then the young lawyer began his narrativeto this effect:--

"I tell ye what, gemmen, I don't pretend in this here case to flourishand harangue like a--having never been called to--but what of that, d'yesee? perhaps I may know as much as--facts are facts, as the saying is. --Ishall tell, repeat, and relate a plain story--matters of fact, d'ye see, without rhetoric, oratory, ornament, or embellishment; withoutrepetition, tautology, circumlocution, or going about the bush; factswhich I shall aver, partly on the testimony of my own knowledge, andpartly from the information of responsible evidences of good repute andcredit, any circumstance known to the contrary notwithstanding. --For asthe law saith, if so be as how there is an exception to evidence, thatexception is in its nature but a denial of what is taken to be good bythe other party, and exceptio in non exceptis, firmat regulam, d'ye see. --But howsomever, in regard to this here affair, we need not be soscrupulous as if we were pleading before a judge sedente curia. "

Ferret, whose curiosity was rather more eager than that of any otherperson in this audience, being provoked by this preamble, dashed the pipehe had just filled in pieces against the grate; and after havingpronounced the interjection pish! with an acrimony of aspect altogetherpeculiar to himself, "If, " said he, "impertinence and folly were felonyby the statute, there would be no warrant of unexceptionable evidence tohang such an eternal babbler. " "Anan, babbler!" cried Tom, reddeningwith passion, and starting up; "I'd have you to know, sir, that I canbite as well as babble; and that, if I am so minded, I can run upon thefoot after my game without being in fault, as the saying is; and, whichis more, I can shake an old fox by the collar. "

How far this young lawyer might have proceeded to prove himself staunchon the person of the misanthrope, if he had not been prevented, we shallnot determine; but the whole company were alarmed at his looks andexpressions. Dolly's rosy cheeks assumed an ash colour, while she ranbetween the disputants, crying, "Naay, naay--vor the love of God doan'tthen, doan't then!" But Captain Crowe exerted a parental authority overhis nephew, saying, "Avast, Tom, avast!--Snug's the word--we'll have noboarding, d'ye see. --Haul forward thy chair again, take thy berth, andproceed with thy story in a direct course, without yawing like a Dutchyanky. "

Tom, thus tutored, recollected himself, resumed his seat, and, after somepause, plunged at once into the current of narration. "I told youbefore, gemmen, that the gentleman in armour was the only son of SirEverhard Greaves, who possessed a free estate of five thousand a year inour country, and was respected by all his neighbours as much for hispersonal merit as for his family fortune. With respect to his sonLauncelot, whom you have seen, I can remember nothing until he returnedfrom the university, about the age of seventeen, and then I myself wasnot more than ten years old. The young gemman was at that time inmourning for his mother; though, God knows, Sir Everhard had more causeto rejoice than to be afflicted at her death:--for, among friends" (herehe lowered his voice, and looked round the kitchen), "she was verywhimsical, expensive, ill-tempered, and, I'm afraid, a little--upon the--flightly order--a little touched or so;--but mum for that--the lady isnow dead; and it is my maxim, de mortuis nil nisi bonum. The youngsquire was even then very handsome, and looked remarkably well in hisweepers; but he had an awkward air and shambling gait, stooped mortally, and was so shy and silent that he would not look a stranger in the face, nor open his mouth before company. Whenever he spied a horse or carriageat the gate, he would make his escape into the garden, and from thenceinto the park; where many is the good time and often he has been foundsitting under a tree, with a book in his hand, reading Greek, Latin, andother foreign linguas. 

"Sir Everhard himself was no great scholar, and my father had forgot hisclassical learning; and so the rector of the parish was desired toexamine young Launcelot. It was a long time before he found anopportunity; the squire always gave him the slip. --At length the parsoncatched him in bed of a morning, and, locking the door, to it they wenttooth and nail. What passed betwixt them the Lord in heaven knows; butwhen the doctor came forth, he looked wild and haggard as if he had seena ghost, his face as white as paper, and his lips trembling like anaspen-leaf. 'Parson, ' said the knight, 'what is the matter?--how dostfind my son? I hope he won't turn out a ninny, and disgrace his family?'The doctor, wiping the sweat from his forehead, replied, with somehesitation, 'he could not tell--he hoped the best--the squire was to besure a very extraordinary young gentleman. '--But the father urging him togive an explicit answer, he frankly declared, that, in his opinion, theson would turn out either a mirror of wisdom, or a monument of folly; forhis genius and disposition were altogether preternatural. The knight wassorely vexed at this declaration, and signified his displeasure bysaying, the doctor, like a true priest, dealt in mysteries and oracles, that would admit of different and indeed contrary interpretations. Heafterwards consulted my father, who had served as a steward upon theestate for above thirty years, and acquired a considerable share of hisfavour. 'Will Clarke, ' said he, with tears in his eyes, 'what shall I dowith this unfortunate lad? I would to God he had never been born; for Ifear he will bring my grey hairs with sorrow to the grave. When I amgone, he will throw away the estate, and bring himself to infamy andruin, by keeping company with rooks and beggars. --O Will! I could forgiveextravagance in a young man; but it breaks my heart to see my only songive such repeated proofs of a mean spirit and sordid disposition!'

"Here the old gentleman shed a flood of tears, and not without someshadow of reason. By this time Launcelot was grown so reserved to hisfather, that he seldom saw him or any of his relations, except when hewas in a manner forced to appear at table, and there his bashfulnessseemed every day to increase. On the other hand, he had formed some verystrange connexions. Every morning he visited the stable, where he notonly conversed with the grooms and helpers, but scraped acquaintance withthe horses; he fed his favourites with his own hand, stroked, caressed, and rode them by turns; till at last they grew so familiar, that, evenwhen they were a-field at grass, and saw him at a distance, they wouldtoss their manes, whinny like so many colts at sight of the dam, and, galloping up to the place where he stood, smell him all over. 

"You must know that I myself, though a child, was his companion in allthese excursions. He took a liking to me on account of my being hisgodson, and gave me more money than I knew what to do with. He hadalways plenty of cash for the asking, as my father was ordered to supplyhim liberally, the knight thinking that a command of money might help toraise his thoughts to a proper consideration of his own importance. Henever could endure a common beggar, that was not either in a state ofinfancy or of old age; but, in other respects, he made the guineas fly insuch a manner, as looked more like madness than generosity. He had nocommunication with your rich yeomen, but rather treated them and theirfamilies with studied contempt, because forsooth they pretended to assumethe dress and manners of the gentry. 

"They kept their footmen, their saddle horses, and chaises; their wivesand daughters appeared in their jewels, their silks, and their satins, their negligees and trollopees; their clumsy shanks, like so many shinsof beef, were cased in silk hose and embroidered slippers; their raw redfingers, gross as the pipes of a chamber organ, which had been employedin milking the cows, in twirling the mop or churn-staff, being adornedwith diamonds, were taught to thrum the pandola, and even to touch thekeys of the harpsichord! Nay, in every village they kept a rout, and setup an assembly; and in one place a hog-butcher was master of theceremonies. 

"I have heard Mr. Greaves ridicule them for their vanity and awkwardimitation; and therefore, I believe, he avoided all concerns with them, even when they endeavoured to engage his attention. It was the lowersort of people with whom he chiefly conversed, such as ploughmen, ditchers, and other day-labourers. To every cottager in the parish hewas a bounteous benefactor. He was, in the literal sense of the word, acareful overseer of the poor; for he went from house to house, industriously inquiring into the distresses of the people. He repairedtheir huts, clothed their backs, filled their bellies, and supplied themwith necessaries for exercising their industry and different occupations. 

"I'll give you one instance now, as a specimen of his character:--He andI, strolling one day on the side of a common, saw two boys picking hipsand haws from the hedges; one seemed to be about five, and the other ayear older; they were both barefoot and ragged, but at the same time fat, fair, and in good condition. 'Who do you belong to?' said Mr. Greaves. 'To Mary Stile, ' replied the oldest, 'the widow that rents one of themhousen. ' 'And how dost live, my boy? Thou lookest fresh and jolly, 'resumed the squire. 'Lived well enough till yesterday, ' answered thechild. 'And pray what happened yesterday, my boy?' continued Mr. Greaves. 'Happened!' said he, 'why, mammy had a coople of little Welshkeawes, that gi'en milk enough to fill all our bellies; mammy's, andmine, and Dick's here, and my two little sisters' at hoam:--Yesterday thesquire seized the keawes for rent, God rot'un! Mammy's gone to bed sickand sulky; my two sisters be crying at hoam vor vood; and Dick and I become hither to pick haws and bullies. '

"My godfather's face grew red as scarlet; he took one of the children ineither hand, and leading them towards the house, found Sir Everhardtalking with my father before the gate. Instead of avoiding the oldgentleman, as usual, he brushed up to him with a spirit he had nevershown before, and presenting the two ragged boys, 'Surely, sir, ' said he, 'you will not countenance that there ruffian, your steward, in oppressingthe widow and fatherless? On pretence of distraining for the rent of acottage, he has robbed the mother of these and other poor infant-orphansof two cows, which afforded them their whole sustenance. Shall you beconcerned in tearing the hard-earned morsel from the mouth of indigence?Shall your name, which has been so long mentioned as a blessing, be nowdetested as a curse by the poor, the helpless, and forlorn? The fatherof these babes was once your gamekeeper, who died of a consumption caughtin your service. --You see they are almost naked--I found them pluckinghaws and sloes, in order to appease their hunger. The wretched mother isstarving in a cold cottage, distracted with the cries of other twoinfants, clamorous for food; and while her heart is bursting with anguishand despair, she invokes Heaven to avenge the widow's cause upon the headof her unrelenting landlord!'

"This unexpected address brought tears into the eyes of the good oldgentleman. 'Will Clarke, ' said he to my father, 'how durst you abuse myauthority at this rate? You who know I have always been a protector, notan oppressor of the needy and unfortunate. I charge you, go immediatelyand comfort this poor woman with immediate relief; instead of her owncows, let her have two of the best milch cows of my dairy; they shallgraze in my parks in summer, and be foddered with my hay in winter. --Sheshall sit rent-free for life; and I will take care of these her poororphans. '

"This was a very affecting scene. Mr. Launcelot took his father's handand kissed it, while the tears ran down his cheeks; and Sir Everhardembraced his son with great tenderness, crying, 'My dear boy! God bepraised for having given you such a feeling heart. ' My father himselfwas moved, thof a practitioner of the law, and consequently used todistresses. --He declared, that he had given no directions to distrain;and that the bailiff must have done it by his own authority. --'If that bethe case, ' said the young squire, 'let the inhuman rascal be turned outof our service. '

"Well, gemmen, all the children were immediately clothed and fed, and thepoor widow had well-nigh run distracted with joy. The old knight, beingof a humane temper himself, was pleased to see such proofs of his son'sgenerosity. He was not angry at his spending his money, but atsquandering away his time among the dregs of the people. For you mustknow, he not only made matches, portioned poor maidens, and set up youngcouples that came together without money; but he mingled in every rusticdiversion, and bore away the prize in every contest. He excelled everyswain of that district in feats of strength and activity; in leaping, running, wrestling, cricket, cudgel-playing, and pitching the bar; andwas confessed to be, out of sight, the best dancer at all wakes andholidays. Happy was the country-girl who could engage the young squireas her partner! To be sure, it was a comely sight for to see as how thebuxom country-lasses, fresh and fragrant and blushing like the rose, intheir best apparel dight, their white hose, and clean short dimitypetticoats, their gaudy gowns of printed cotton; their top-knots andstomachers, bedizened with bunches of ribbons of various colours, green, pink, and yellow; to see them crowned with garlands, and assembled onMayday, to dance before Squire Launcelot, as he made his morning'sprogress through the village. Then all the young peasants made theirappearance with cockades, suited to the fancies of their severalsweethearts, and boughs of flowering hawthorn. The children sportedabout like flocks of frisking lambs, or the young fry swarming under thesunny bank of some meandering river. The old men and women, in theirholiday garments, stood at their doors to receive their benefactor, andpoured forth blessings on him as he passed. The children welcomed himwith their shrill shouts, the damsels with songs of praise, and the youngmen, with the pipe and tabor, marched before him to the May-pole, whichwas bedecked with flowers and bloom. There the rural dance began. Aplentiful dinner, with oceans of good liquor, was bespoke at the WhiteHart. The whole village was regaled at the squire's expense; and boththe day and the night was spent in mirth and pleasure. 

"Lord help you! he could not rest if he thought there was an aching heartin the whole parish. Every paltry cottage was in a little time convertedinto a pretty, snug, comfortable habitation, with a wooden porch at thedoor, glass casements in the windows, and a little garden behind, wellstored with greens, roots, and salads. In a word, the poor's rate wasreduced to a mere trifle; and one would have thought the golden agewas revived in Yorkshire. But, as I told you before, the old knightcould not bear to see his only son so wholly attached to these lowlypleasures, while he industriously shunned all opportunities of appearingin that superior sphere to which he was designed by nature and byfortune. He imputed his conduct to meanness of spirit, and advised withmy father touching the properest expedient to wean his affections fromsuch low-born pursuits. My father counselled him to send the younggentleman up to London, to be entered as a student in the Temple, andrecommended him to the superintendence of some person who knew the town, and might engage him insensibly in such amusements and connexions, aswould soon lift his ideas above the humble objects on which they had beenhitherto employed. 

"This advice appeared so salutary, that it was followed without the leasthesitation. The young squire himself was perfectly well satisfied withthe proposal; and in a few days he set out for the great city. But therewas not a dry eye in the parish at his departure, although he prevailedupon his father to pay in his absence all the pensions he had granted tothose who could not live on the fruit of their own industry. In whatmanner he spent his time in London, it is none of my business to inquire;thof I know pretty well what kind of lives are led by gemmen of your Innsof Court. --I myself once belonged to Serjeants' Inn, and was perhaps asgood a wit and a critic as any Templar of them all. Nay, as for thatmatter, thof I despise vanity, I can aver with a safe conscience, that Ihad once the honour to belong to the society called the Town. We wereall of us attorney's clerks, gemmen, and had our meetings at an ale-housein Butcher Row, where we regulated the diversions of the theatre. 

"But to return from this digression. Sir Everhard Greaves did not seemto be very well pleased with the conduct of his son at London. He gotnotice of some irregularities and scrapes into which he had fallen; andthe squire seldom wrote to his father, except to draw upon him for money;which he did so fast, that in eighteen months the old gentleman lost allpatience. 

"At this period Squire Darnel chanced to die, leaving an only daughter, aminor, heiress of three thousand a year under the guardianship of heruncle Anthony, whose brutal character all the world knows. The breathwas no sooner out of his brother's body, than he resolved, if possible, to succeed him in parliament as representative for the borough ofAshenton. Now you must know, that this borough had been for many years abone of contention between the families of Greaves and Darnel; and atlength the difference was compromised by the interposition of friends, oncondition that Sir Everhard and Squire Darnel should alternatelyrepresent the place in parliament. They agreed to this compromise fortheir mutual convenience; but they were never heartily reconciled. Theirpolitical principles did not tally; and their wives looked upon eachother as rivals in fortune and magnificence. So that there was nointercourse between them, thof they lived in the same neighbourhood. Onthe contrary, in all disputes, they constantly headed the oppositeparties. Sir Everhard understanding that Anthony Darnel had begun tocanvass, and was putting every iron in the fire, in violation andcontempt of the pactum familiae before mentioned, fell into a violentpassion, that brought on a severe fit of the gout; by which he wasdisabled from giving personal attention to his own interest. My father, indeed, employed all his diligence and address, and spared neither money, time, nor constitution, till at length he drank himself into aconsumption, which was the death of him. But, after all, there is agreat difference between a steward and a principal. Mr. Darnel attendedin propria persona, flattered and caressed the women, feasted theelectors, hired mobs, made processions, and scattered about his money insuch a manner, that our friends durst hardly show their heads in public. 

"At this very crisis, our young squire, to whom his father had written anaccount of the transaction, arrived unexpectedly at Greavesbury Hall, andhad a long private conference with Sir Everhard. The news of his returnspread like wildfire through all that part of the country. Bonfires weremade, and the bells set a-ringing in several towns and steeples; and nextmorning above seven hundred people were assembled at the gate, withmusic, flags, and streamers, to welcome their young squire, and accompanyhim to the borough of Ashenton. He set out on foot with his retinue, andentered one end of the town just as Mr. Darnel's mob had come in at theother. Both arrived about the same time at the market-place; but Mr. Darnel, mounting first into the balcony of the town-house, made a longspeech to the people in favour of his own pretensions, not without someinvidious reflections glanced at Sir Everhard, his competitor. 

"We did not much mind the acclamations of his party, which we knew hadbeen hired for the purpose; but we were in some pain for Mr. Greaves, whohad not been used to speak in public. He took his turn, however, in thebalcony, and, uncovering his head, bowed all round with the most engagingcourtesy. He was dressed in a green frock, trimmed with gold, and hisown dark hair flowed about his ears in natural curls, while his face wasoverspread with a blush, that improved the glow of youth to a deepercrimson; and I daresay set many a female heart a palpitating. When hemade his first appearance, there was just such a humming and clapping ofhands as you may have heard when the celebrated Garrick comes upon thestage in King Lear, or King Richard, or any other top character. But howagreeably were we disappointed, when our young gentleman made such anoration as would not have disgraced a Pitt, an Egmont, or a Murray! whilehe spoke, all was hushed in admiration and attention; you could havealmost heard a feather drop to the ground. It would have charmed you tohear with what modesty he recounted the services which his father andgrandfather had done to the corporation; with what eloquence heexpatiated upon the shameful infraction of the treaty subsisting betweenthe two families; and with what keen and spirited strokes of satire heretorted the sarcasms of Darnel. 

"He no sooner concluded his harangue, than there was such a burst ofapplause, as seemed to rend the very sky. Our music immediately struckup; our people advanced with their ensigns, and, as every man had a goodcudgel, broken heads would have ensued, had not Mr. Darnel and his partythought proper to retreat with uncommon despatch. He never offered tomake another public entrance, as he saw the torrent ran so violentlyagainst him; but sat down with his loss, and withdrew his opposition, though at bottom extremely mortified and incensed. Sir Everhard wasunanimously elected, and appeared to be the happiest man upon earth; for, besides the pleasure arising from his victory over this competitor, hewas now fully satisfied that his son, instead of disgracing, would dohonour to his family. It would have moved a heart of stone, to see withwhat a tender transport of paternal joy he received his dear Launcelot, after having heard of his deportment and success at Ashenton; where, bythe bye, he gave a ball to the ladies, and displayed as much elegance andpoliteness, as if he had been bred at the court of Versailles. 

"This joyous season was of short duration. In a little time all thehappiness of the family was overcast by a sad incident, which hath leftsuch an unfortunate impression upon the mind of the young gentleman, as, I am afraid, will never be effaced. Mr. Darnel's niece and ward, thegreat heiress, whose name is Aurelia, was the most celebrated beauty ofthe whole country; if I said the whole kingdom, or indeed all Europe, perhaps I should barely do her justice. I don't pretend to be a limner, gemmen; nor does it become me to delineate such excellence; but surely Imay presume to repeat from the play--

 Oh! she is all that painting can express, Or youthful poets fancy when they love?

"At that time she might be about seventeen, tall and fair, and soexquisitely shaped--you may talk of your Venus de Medicis, your Dianas, your Nymphs, and Galateas; but if Praxiteles, and Roubilliac, and Wilton, were to lay their heads together, in order to make a complete pattern ofbeauty, they would hardly reach her model of perfection. --As forcomplexion, poets will talk of blending the lily with the rose, and bringin a parcel of similes of cowslips, carnations, pinks, and daisies. --There's Dolly, now, has got a very good complexion. --Indeed, she's thevery picture of health and innocence--you are, indeed, my pretty lass;--but parva componere magnis. --Miss Darnel is all amazing beauty, delicacy, and dignity! Then the softness and expression of her fine blue eyes; herpouting lips of coral hue; her neck, that rises like a tower of polishedalabaster between two mounts of snow. I tell you what, gemmen, it don'tsignify talking; if e'er a one of you was to meet this young lady alone, in the midst of a heath or common, or any unfrequented place, he woulddown on his knees, and think he kneeled before some supernatural being. I'll tell you more: she not only resembles an angel in beauty, but asaint in goodness, and an hermit in humility;--so void of all pride andaffectation; so soft, and sweet, and affable, and humane! Lord! I couldtell such instances of her charity!

"Sure enough, she and Sir Launcelot were formed by nature for each other. Howsoever, the cruel hand of fortune hath intervened, and severed themfor ever. Every soul that knew them both, said it was a thousand pitiesbut they should come together, and extinguish, in their happy union, themutual animosity of the two families, which had so often embroiled thewhole neighbourhood. Nothing was heard but the praises of Miss AureliaDarnel and Mr. Launcelot Greaves; and no doubt the parties wereprepossessed, by this applause, in favour of each other. At length, Mr. Greaves went one Sunday to her parish church; but, though the greaterpart of the congregation watched their looks, they could not perceivethat she took the least notice of him; or that he seemed to be struckwith her appearance. He afterwards had an opportunity of seeing her, more at leisure, at the York assembly, during the races; but thisopportunity was productive of no good effect, because he had that sameday quarrelled with her uncle on the turf. 

"An old grudge, you know, gemmen, is soon inflamed to a fresh rupture. It was thought Mr. Darnel came on purpose to show his resentment. Theydiffered about a bet upon Miss Cleverlegs, and, in the course of thedispute, Mr. Darnel called him a petulant boy. The young squire, who wasas hasty as gunpowder, told him he was man enough to chastise him for hisinsolence; and would do it on the spot, if he thought it would notinterrupt the diversion. In all probability they would have come topoints immediately, had not the gentlemen interposed; so that nothingfurther passed, but abundance of foul language on the part of Mr. Anthony, and a repeated defiance to single combat. 

"Mr. Greaves, making a low bow, retired from the field; and in theevening danced at the assembly with a young lady from the bishoprick, seemingly in good temper and spirits, without having any words with Mr. Darnel, who was also present. But in the morning he visited that proudneighbour betimes; and they had almost reached a grove of trees on thenorth side of the town, when they were suddenly overtaken by half a dozengentlemen, who had watched their motions. It was in vain for them todissemble their design, which could not now take effect. They gave uptheir pistols, and a reconciliation was patched up by the pressingremonstrances of their common friends; but Mr. Darnel's hatred stillrankled at bottom, and soon broke out in the sequel. About three monthsafter this transaction, his niece Aurelia, with her mother, having beento visit a lady in the chariot, the horses being young, and not used tothe traces, were startled at the braying of a jackass on the common, and, taking fright, ran away with the carriage, like lightning. The coachmanwas thrown from the box, and the ladies screamed piteously for help. Mr. Greaves chanced to be a-horseback on the other side of an enclosure, whenhe heard their shrieks; and riding up the hedge, knew the chariot, andsaw their disaster. The horses were then running full speed in such adirection, as to drive headlong over a precipice into a stone quarry, where they and the chariot, and the ladies, must be dashed to pieces. 

"You may conceive, gemmen, what his thoughts were when he saw such a fineyoung lady, in the flower of her age, just plunging into eternity; whenhe saw the lovely Aurelia on the brink of being precipitated among rocks, where her delicate limbs must be mangled and tore asunder; when heperceived, that, before he could ride round by the gate, the tragedywould be finished. The fence was so thick and high, flanked with a broadditch on the outside, that he could not hope to clear it, although he wasmounted on Scipio, bred out of Miss Cowslip, the sire Muley, and hisgrandsire the famous Arabian Mustapha. --Scipio was bred by my father, whowould not have taken a hundred guineas for him, from any other person butthe young squire--indeed, I have heard my poor father say"----

By this time Ferret's impatience was become so outrageous, that heexclaimed in a furious tone, "D--n your father, and his horse, and hiscolt into the bargain!"

Tom made no reply; but began to strip with great expedition. CaptainCrowe was so choked with passion that he could utter nothing butdisjointed sentences. He rose from his seat, brandished his horsewhip, and, seizing his nephew by the collar, cried, "Odd's heartlikins! sirrah, I have a good mind--Devil fire your running tackle, you landlubber!--can't you steer without all this tacking hither and thither, and the Lordknows whither?--'Noint my block! I'd give thee a rope's end for thysupper if it wan't"----

Dolly had conceived a sneaking kindness for the young lawyer, andthinking him in danger of being roughly handled, flew to his relief. Shetwisted her hand in Crowe's neckcloth without ceremony, crying, "Sha'tthen, I tell thee, old codger--who kears a vig vor thy voolish tantrums?"

While Crowe looked black in the face, and ran the risk of strangulationunder the gripe of this Amazon, Mr. Clarke having disengaged himself ofhis hat, wig, coat, and waistcoat, advanced in an elegant attitude ofmanual offence towards the misanthrope, who snatched up a gridiron fromthe chimney corner, and Discord seemed to clap her sooty wings inexpectation of battle. But as the reader may have more than once alreadycursed the unconscionable length of this chapter, we must postpone to thenext opportunity the incidents that succeeded this denunciation of war. 

CHAPTER FOUR

IN WHICH IT APPEARS THAT THE KNIGHT, WHEN HEARTILY SET IN FOR SLEEPING, WAS NOT EASILY DISTURBED. 

In all probability the kitchen of the Black Lion, from a domestic templeof society and good fellowship, would have been converted into a scene orstage of sanguinary dispute, had not Pallas, or Discretion, interposed inthe person of Mr. Fillet, and, with the assistance of the ostler, disarmed the combatants, not only of their arms, but also of theirresentment. 

The impetuosity of Mr. Clarke was a little checked at sight of thegridiron, which Ferret brandished with uncommon dexterity; a circumstancefrom whence the company were, upon reflection, induced to believe, that before he plunged into the sea of politics, he had occasionallyfigured in the character of that facetious droll, who accompanies youritinerant physicians, under the familiar appellation of Merry-Andrew, orJack-Pudding, and on a wooden stage entertains the populace with a soloon the saltbox, or a sonata on the tongs and gridiron. Be that as itmay, the young lawyer seemed to be a little discomposed at the glancingof this extraordinary weapon of offence, which the fair hands of Dollyhad scoured, until it had shone as bright as the shield of Achilles; oras the emblem of good old English fare, which hangs by a red ribbon roundthe neck of that thrice-honoured sage's head, in velvet bonnet cased, whopresides by rotation at the genial board, distinguished by the title ofthe Beef-steak Club where the delicate rumps irresistibly attract thestranger's eye, and, while they seem to cry, "Come cut me--come cut me, "constrain, by wondrous sympathy, each mouth to overflow. Where theobliging and humorous Jemmy B----t, the gentle Billy H----d, replete withhuman kindness, and the generous Johnny B----d, respected and beloved byall the world, attend as the priests and ministers of mirth, good cheer, and jollity, and assist with culinary art the raw, unpractised, awkwardguest. 

But to return from this digressive simile. The ostler no sooner steptbetween those menacing antagonists, than Tom Clarke very quietly resumedhis clothes, and Mr. Ferret resigned the gridiron without furtherquestion. The doctor did not find it quite so easy to release the throatof Captain Crowe from the masculine grasp of the virago Dolly, whosefingers could not be disengaged until the honest seaman was almost at thelast gasp. After some pause, during which he panted for breath, anduntied his neckcloth, "D--n thee, for a brimstone galley, " cried he; "Iwas never so grappled withal since I knew a card from a compass. --Adzooks! the jade has so tautened my rigging, d'ye see, that I--Snatch mybowlines, if I come athwart thy hawser, I'll turn thy keel upwards--ormayhap set thee a-driving under thy bare poles--I will--I will, youhell-fire, saucy--I will. "

Dolly made no reply; but seeing Mr. Clarke sit down again with greatcomposure, took her station likewise at the opposite side of theapartment. Then Mr. Fillet requested the lawyer to proceed with hisstory, which, after three hems, he accordingly prosecuted in these words:

"I told you, gemmen, that Mr. Greaves was mounted on Scipio, when he sawMiss Darnel and her mother in danger of being hurried over a precipice. Without reflecting a moment, he gave Scipio the spur, and at one springhe cleared five-and-twenty feet, over hedge and ditch and everyobstruction. Then he rode full speed, in order to turn the coach-horses;and, finding them quite wild and furious, endeavoured to drive againstthe counter of the hither horse, which he missed, and staked poor Scipioon the pole of the coach. The shock was so great, that the coach-horsesmade a full stop within ten yards of the quarry, and Mr. Greaves wasthrown forwards towards the coach-box, which mounting with admirabledexterity, he seized the reins before the horses could recover of theirfright. At that instant the coachman came running up, and loosed themfrom the traces with the utmost despatch. Mr. Greaves had now time togive his attention to the ladies, who were well-nigh distracted withfear. He no sooner opened the chariot door than Aurelia, with a wildnessof look, sprung into his arms, and, clasping him round the neck, faintedaway. I leave you to guess, gemmen, what were his feelings at thisinstant. The mother was not so discomposed, but that she couldcontribute to the recovery of her daughter, whom the young squire stillsupported in his embrace. At length she retrieved the use of her senses, and, perceiving the situation in which she was, the blood revisited herface with a redoubled glow, while she desired him to set her down uponthe turf. 

"Mrs. Darnel, far from being shy or reserved in her compliments ofacknowledgments, kissed Mr. Launcelot without ceremony, the tears ofgratitude running down her cheeks; she called him her dear son, hergenerous deliverer, who, at the hazard of his own life, had saved her andher child from the most dismal fate that could be imagined. 

"Mr. Greaves was so much transported on this occasion, that he could nothelp disclosing a passion, which he had hitherto industriously concealed. 'What I have done, ' said he, 'was but a common office of humanity, whichI would have performed for any of my fellow-creatures; but for thepreservation of Miss Aurelia Darnel, I would at any time sacrifice mylife with pleasure. ' The young lady did not hear this declarationunmoved. Her face was again flushed, and her eyes sparkled withpleasure. Nor was the youth's confession disagreeable to the good lady, her mother, who, at one glance, perceived all the advantages of such anunion between the two families. 

"Mr. Greaves proposed to send the coachman to his father's stable for apair of sober horses, that could be depended upon, to draw the ladieshome to their own habitation; but they declined the offer, and chose towalk, as the distance was not great. He then insisted upon his beingtheir conductor; and, each taking him under the arm, supported them totheir own gate, where such an apparition filled all the domestics withastonishment. Mrs. Darnel taking him by the hand, led him into thehouse, where she welcomed him with another affectionate embrace, andindulged him with an ambrosial kiss of Aurelia, saying, 'But for you, wehad both been by this time in eternity. Sure it was Heaven that sent youas an angel to our assistance!' She kindly inquired if he had himselfsustained any damage in administering that desperate remedy to which theyowed their lives. She entertained him with a small collation; and, inthe course of the conversation, lamented the animosity which had so longdivided two neighbouring families of such influence and character. Hewas not slow in signifying his approbation of her remarks, and expressingthe most eager desire of seeing all those unhappy differences removed. In a word, they parted with mutual satisfaction. 

"Just as he advanced from the outward gate, on his return to GreavesburyHall, he was met by Anthony Darnel on horseback, who, riding up to himwith marks of surprise and resentment, saluted him with, 'Your servant, sir. --Have you any commands for me?' The other replying with an air ofindifference, 'None at all, '--Mr. Darnel asked, what had procured him thehonour of a visit. The young gentleman, perceiving by the manner inwhich he spoke, that the old quarrel was not yet extinguished, answeredwith equal disdain, that the visit was not intended for him; and that, ifhe wanted to know the cause of it, he might inform himself by his ownservants. 'So I shall, ' cried the uncle of Aurelia; 'and perhaps let youknow my sentiments of the matter. '--'Hereafter as it may be, ' said theyouth; who, turning out of the avenue, walked home, and made his fatheracquainted with the particulars of this adventure. 

"The old gentleman chid him for his rashness; but seemed pleased with thesuccess of his attempt; and still more so, when he understood hissentiments of Aurelia, and the deportment of the ladies. 

"Next day the son sent over a servant with a compliment to inquire abouttheir health; and the messenger, being seen by Mr. Darnel, was told thatthe ladies were indisposed, and did not choose to be troubled withmessages. The mother was really seized with a fever, produced by theagitation of her spirits, which every day became more and more violent, until the physicians despaired of her life. Believing that her endapproached, she sent a trusty servant to Mr. Greaves, desiring that shemight see him without delay; and he immediately set out with themessenger, who introduced him in the dark. 

"He found the old lady in bed almost exhausted, and the fair Aureliasitting by her overwhelmed with grief, her lovely hair in the utmostdisorder, and her charming eyes inflamed with weeping. The good ladybeckoning Mr. Launcelot to approach, and directing all the attendants toquit the room, except a favourite maid, from whom I learned the story, she took him by the hand, and fixing her eyes upon him with all thefondness of a mother, shed some tears in silence, while the same marks ofsorrow trickled down his cheeks. After this affecting pause, 'My dearson, ' said she, 'Oh! that I could have lived to see you so indeed! youfind me hastening to the goal of life. ' Here the tender-hearted Aurelia, being unable to contain herself longer, broke out into a violent passionof grief, and wept aloud. The mother, waiting patiently till she hadthus given vent to her anguish, calmly entreated her to resign herselfsubmissively to the will of Heaven; then turning to Mr. Launcelot, 'I hadindulged, ' said she, 'a fond hope of seeing you allied to my family. This is no time for me to insist upon the ceremonies and forms of a vainworld. Aurelia looks upon you with the eyes of tender prepossession. 'No sooner had she pronounced these words than he threw himself on hisknees before the young lady, and pressing her hand to his lips, breathedthe softest expressions which the most delicate love could suggest. 'Iknow, ' resumed the mother, 'that your passion is mutually sincere, and Ishould die satisfied if I thought your union would not be opposed; butthat violent man, my brother-in-law, who is Aurelia's sole guardian, willthwart her wishes with every obstacle that brutal resentment andimplacable malice can contrive. Mr. Greaves, I have long admired yourvirtues, and am confident that I can depend upon your honour. You shallgive me your word, that when I am gone you will take no steps in thisaffair without the concurrence of your father, and endeavour, by all fairand honourable means, to vanquish the prejudices, and obtain the consentof her uncle; the rest we must leave to the dispensation of Providence. '

"The squire promised, in the most solemn and fervent manner, to obey allher injunctions, as the last dictates of a parent whom he should nevercease to honour. Then she favoured them both with a great deal ofsalutary advice touching their conduct before and after marriage, andpresented him with a ring as a memorial of her affection, at the sametime he pulled another off his finger, and made a tender of it as apledge of his love to Aurelia, whom her mother permitted to receive thistoken. Finally, he took a last farewell of the good matron, and returnedto his father with the particulars of this interview. 

"In two days Mrs. Darnel departed this life, and Aurelia was removed tothe house of a relation, where her grief had like to have proved fatal toher constitution. 

"In the meantime, the mother was no sooner committed to the earth, thanMr. Greaves, mindful of her exhortations, began to take measures for areconciliation with the guardian. He engaged several gentlemen tointerpose their good offices, but they always met with the mostmortifying repulse, and at last Anthony Darnel declared that his hatredto the house of Greaves was hereditary, habitual, and unconquerable. Heswore he would spend his heart's blood to perpetuate the quarrel, andthat, sooner than his niece should match with young Launcelot, he wouldsacrifice her with his own hand. 

"The young gentleman, finding his prejudice so rancorous and invincible, left off making any further advances, and, since he found it impossibleto obtain his consent, resolved to cultivate the good graces of Aurelia, and wed her in despite of her implacable guardian. He found means toestablish a literary correspondence with her as soon as her grief was alittle abated, and even to effect an interview, after her return to herown house; but he soon had reason to repent of his indulgence. The uncleentertained spies upon the young lady, who gave him an account of thismeeting, in consequence of which she was suddenly hurried to some distantpart of the country, which we never could discover. 

"It was then we thought Mr. Launcelot a little disordered in his brain, his grief was so wild, and his passion so impetuous. He refused allsustenance, neglected his person, renounced his amusements, rode out inthe rain, sometimes bareheaded; strolled about the fields all night, andbecame so peevish, that none of the domestics durst speak to him withoutthe hazard of broken bones. Having played these pranks for about threeweeks, to the unspeakable chagrin of his father, and the astonishment ofall that knew him, he suddenly grew calm, and his good-humour returned. But this, as your seafaring people say, was a deceitful calm, that soonushered in a dreadful storm. 

"He had long sought an opportunity to tamper with some of Mr. Darnel'sservants, who could inform him of the place where Aurelia was confined;but there was not one about the family who could give him thatsatisfaction, for the persons who accompanied her remained as a watchupon her motions, and none of the other domestics were privy to thetransaction. All attempts proving fruitless, he could no longer restrainhis impatience, but throwing himself in the way of the uncle, upbraidedhim in such harsh terms, that a formal challenge ensued. They agreed todecide their difference without witnesses, and one morning, beforesunrise, met on that very common where Mr. Greaves had saved the life ofAurelia. The first pistol was fired on each side without any effect, butMr. Darnel's second wounded the young squire in the flank; nevertheless, having a pistol in reserve, he desired his antagonist to ask his life. The other, instead of submitting, drew his sword, and Mr. Greaves, firinghis piece into the air, followed his example. The contest then becamevery hot, though of short continuance. Darnel being disarmed at thefirst onset, our young squire gave him back the sword, which he was baseenough to use a second time against his conqueror. Such an instance ofrepeated ingratitude and brutal ferocity divested Mr. Greaves of histemper and forbearance. He attacked Mr. Anthony with great fury, and atthe first lunge ran him up to the hilt, at the same time seized with hisleft hand the shell of his enemy's sword, which he broke in disdain. Mr. Darnel having fallen, the other immediately mounted his horse, which hehad tied to a tree before the engagement, and, riding full speed toAshenton, sent a surgeon to Anthony's assistance. He afterwardsingenuously confessed all these particulars to his father, who wasoverwhelmed with consternation, for the wounds of Darnel were judgedmortal; and, as no person had seen the particulars of the duel, Mr. Launcelot might have been convicted of murder. 

"On these considerations, before a warrant could be served upon him, theold knight, by dint of the most eager entreaties, accompanied with marksof horror and despair, prevailed upon his son to withdraw himself fromthe kingdom until such time as the storm should be overblown. Had hisheart been unengaged, he would have chose to travel, but at this period, when his whole soul was engrossed, and so violently agitated by hispassion for Aurelia, nothing but the fear of seeing the old gentleman rundistracted would have induced him to desist from the pursuit of thatyoung lady, far less quit the kingdom where she resided. 

"Well then, gemmen, he repaired to Harwich, where he embarked forHolland, from whence he proceeded to Brussels, where he procured apassport from the French king, by virtue of which he travelled toMarseilles, and there took a tartan for Genoa. The first letter SirEverhard received from him was dated at Florence. Meanwhile thesurgeon's prognostic was not altogether verified. Mr. Darnel did not dieimmediately of his wounds, but he lingered a long time, as it were in thearms of death, and even partly recovered, yet, in all probability, hewill never be wholly restored to the enjoyment of his health, and isobliged every summer to attend the hot-well at Bristol. As his woundsbegan to heal, his hatred to Mr. Greaves seemed to revive with augmentedviolence, and he is now, if possible, more than ever determined againstall reconciliation. 

"Mr. Launcelot, after having endeavoured to amuse his imagination with asuccession of curious objects, in a tour of Italy, took up his residenceat a town called Pisa, and there fell into a deep melancholy, from whichnothing could rouse him but the news of his father's death. 

"The old gentleman, God rest his soul, never held up his head after thedeparture of his darling Launcelot, and the dangerous condition ofDarnel kept up his apprehension. This was reinforced by the obstinatesilence of the youth, and certain accounts of his disordered mind, which he had received from some of those persons who take pleasure incommunicating disagreeable tidings. A complication of all thesegrievances, co-operating with a severe fit of the gout and gravel, produced a fever, which, in a few days, brought Sir Everhard to his longhome, after he had settled his affairs with heaven and earth, and madehis peace with God and man. I'll assure you, gemmen, he made a mostedifying and Christian end; he died regretted by all his neighboursexcept Anthony, and might be said to be embalmed by the tears of thepoor, to whom he was always a bounteous benefactor. 

"When the son, now Sir Launcelot, came home, he appeared so meagre, wan, and hollow-eyed, that the servants hardly knew their young master. Hisfirst care was to take possession of his fortune, and settle accountswith the steward who had succeeded my father. These affairs beingdiscussed, he spared no pains to get intelligence concerning Miss Darnel;and soon learned more of that young lady than he desired to know; for itwas become the common talk of the country, that a match was agreed uponbetween her and young Squire Sycamore, a gentleman of a very greatfortune. These tidings were probably confirmed under her own hand, in aletter which she wrote to Sir Launcelot. The contents were never exactlyknown but to the parties themselves; nevertheless, the effects were toovisible, for, from that blessed moment, he spoke not one word to anyliving creature for the space of three days; but was seen sometimes toshed a flood of tears, and sometimes to burst out into a fit of laughing. At last he broke silence, and seemed to wake from his disorder. Hebecame more fond than ever of the exercise of riding, and began to amusehimself again with acts of benevolence. 

"One instance of his generosity and justice deserves to be recorded inbrass or marble. You must know, gemmen, the rector of the parish waslately dead, and Sir Everhard had promised the presentation to anotherclergyman. In the meantime, Sir Launcelot chancing one Sunday to ridethrough a lane, perceived a horse saddled and bridled, feeding on theside of a fence; and, casting his eyes around, beheld on the other sideof the hedge an object lying extended on the ground, which he took to bethe body of a murdered traveller. He forthwith alighted, and, leapinginto the field, descried a man at full length, wrapped in a greatcoat andwrithing in agony. Approaching nearer, he found it was a clergyman, inhis gown and cassock. When he inquired into the case, and offered hisassistance, the stranger rose up, thanked him for his courtesy, anddeclared that he was now very well. The knight who thought there wassomething mysterious in this incident, expressed a desire to know thecause of his rolling in the grass in that manner, and the clergyman, whoknew his person, made no scruple in gratifying his curiosity. 'You mustknow, sir, ' said he, 'I serve the curacy of your own parish, for whichthe late incumbent paid me twenty pounds a year; but this sum beingscarce sufficient to maintain my wife and children, who are five innumber, I agreed to read prayers in the afternoon at another church, about four miles from hence; and for this additional duty I receive tenpounds more. As I keep a horse, it was formerly an agreeable exerciserather than a toil; but of late years I have been afflicted with arupture, for which I consulted the most eminent operators in the kingdom;but I have no cause to rejoice in the effects of their advice, though oneof them assured me I was completely cured. The malady is now moretroublesome than ever, and often comes upon me so violently while I am onhorseback, that I am forced to alight, and lie down upon the ground, until the cause of the disorder can for the time be reduced. '

"Sir Launcelot not only condoled with him upon his misfortune, butdesired him to throw up the second cure, and he would pay him ten poundsa year out of his own pocket. 'Your generosity confounds me, good sir, 'replied the clergyman; 'and yet I ought not to be surprised at anyinstance of benevolence in Sir Launcelot Greaves; but I will check thefulness of my heart. I shall only observe, that your good intentiontowards me can hardly take effect. The gentleman, who is to succeed thelate incumbent, has given me notice to quit the premises, as he hathprovided a friend of his own for the curacy. ' 'What!' cried the knight, 'does he mean to take your bread from you, without assigning any otherreason?' 'Surely, sir, ' replied the ecclesiastic, 'I know of no otherreason. I hope my morals are irreproachable, and that I have done myduty with a conscientious regard; I may venture an appeal to theparishioners among whom I have lived these seventeen years. After all, it is natural for every man to favour his own friends in preference tostrangers. As for me, I propose to try my fortune in the great city, andI doubt not but Providence will provide for me and my little ones. '

"To this declaration Sir Launcelot made no reply; but, riding home, seton foot a strict inquiry into the character of this man, whose name wasJenkins. He found that he was a reputed scholar, equally remarkable forhis modesty and good life; that he visited the sick, assisted the needy, compromised disputes among his neighbours, and spent his time in such amanner as would have done honour to any Christian divine. Thus informed, the knight sent for the gentleman to whom the living had been promised, and accosted him to this effect: 'Mr. Tootle, I have a favour to ask ofyou. The person who serves the cure of this parish is a man of goodcharacter, beloved by the people, and has a large family. I shall beobliged to you if you will continue him in the curacy. ' The other toldhim he was sorry he could not comply with his request, being that he hadalready promised the curacy to a friend of his own. 'No matter, ' repliedSir Launcelot, 'since I have not interest with you, I will endeavour toprovide for Mr. Jenkins in some other way. '

"That same afternoon he walked over to the curate's house, and toldhim that he had spoken in his behalf to Dr. Tootle, but the curacy waspre-engaged. The good man having made a thousand acknowledgments for thetrouble his honour had taken; 'I have not interest sufficient to make youcurate, ' said the knight, 'but I can give you the living itself, and thatyou shall have. ' So saying, he retired, leaving Mr. Jenkins incapable ofuttering one syllable, so powerfully was he struck with this unexpectedturn of good fortune. The presentation was immediately made out, and ina few days Mr. Jenkins was put in possession of his benefice, to theinexpressible joy of the congregation. 

"Hitherto everything went right, and every unprejudiced person commendedthe knight's conduct; but in a little time his generosity seemed tooverleap the bounds of discretion, and even in some cases might bethought tending to a breach of the king's peace. For example, hecompelled, vi et armis, a rich farmer's son to marry the daughter of acottager, whom the young fellow had debauched. Indeed, it seems therewas a promise of marriage in the case, though it could not be legallyascertained. The wench took on dismally, and her parents had recourse toSir Launcelot, who, sending for the delinquent, expostulated with himseverely on the injury he had done the young woman, and exhorted him tosave her life and reputation by performing his promise, in which case he, Sir Launcelot, would give her three hundred pounds to her portion. Whether the farmer thought there was something interested in thisuncommon offer, or was a little elevated by the consciousness of hisfather's wealth, he rejected the proposal with rustic disdain, and said, if so be as how the wench would swear the child to him, he would settleit with the parish; but declared, that no squire in the land shouldoblige him to buckle with such a cracked pitcher. This resolution, however, he could not maintain; for, in less than two hours the rector ofthe parish had direction to publish the banns, and the ceremony wasperformed in due course. 

"Now, though we know not precisely the nature of the arguments that wereused with the farmer, we may conclude they were of the minatory species, for the young fellow could not, for some time, look any person in theface. 

"The knight acted as the general redresser of grievances. If a womancomplained to him of being ill-treated by her husband, he first inquiredinto the foundation of the complaint, and, if he found it just, catechised the defendant. If the warning had no effect, and the manproceeded to fresh acts of violence, then his judge took the execution ofthe law in his own hand, and horsewhipped the party. Thus he involvedhimself in several law-suits, that drained him of pretty large sums ofmoney. He seemed particularly incensed at the least appearance ofoppression; and supported divers poor tenants against the extortion oftheir landlords. Nay, he has been known to travel two hundred miles as avolunteer, to offer his assistance in the cause of a person, who he heardwas by chicanery and oppression wronged of a considerable estate. Heaccordingly took her under his protection, relieved her distresses, andwas at a vast expense in bringing the suit to a determination; whichbeing unfavourable to his client, he resolved to bring an appeal into theHouse of Lords, and certainly would have executed his purpose, if thegentlewoman had not died in the interim. "

At this period Ferret interrupted the narrator, by observing that thesaid Greaves was a common nuisance, and ought to be prosecuted on thestatute of barratry. 

"No, sir, " resumed Mr. Clarke, "he cannot be convicted of barratry, unless he is always at variance with some person or other, a mover ofsuits and quarrels, who disturbs the peace under colour of law. Therefore he is in the indictment styled, Communis malefactor, calumniator, et seminator litium. "

"Pr'ythee, truce with thy definitions, " cried Ferret, "and make an end tothy long-winded story. Thou hast no title to be so tedious, until thoucomest to have a coif in the Court of Common Pleas. "

Tom smiled contemptuous, and had just opened his mouth to proceed, whenthe company were disturbed by a hideous repetition of groans, that seemedto issue from the chamber in which the body of the squire was deposited. The landlady snatched the candle, and ran into the room, followed by thedoctor and the rest; and this accident naturally suspended the narration. In like manner we shall conclude the chapter, that the reader may havetime to breathe and digest what he has already heard. 

CHAPTER FIVE

IN WHICH THIS RECAPITULATION DRAWS TO A CLOSE. 

When the landlady entered the room from whence the groaning proceeded, she found the squire lying on his back, under the dominion of thenightmare, which rode him so hard that he not only groaned and snorted, but the sweat ran down his face in streams. The perturbation of hisbrain, occasioned by this pressure, and the fright he had latelyundergone, gave rise to a very terrible dream, in which he fanciedhimself apprehended for a robbery. The horror of the gallows was strongupon him, when he was suddenly awaked by a violent shock from the doctor;and the company broke in upon his view, still perverted by fear, andbedimmed by slumber. His dream was now realised by a full persuasionthat he was surrounded by the constable and his gang. The first objectthat presented itself to his disordered view was the figure of Ferret, who might very well have passed for the finisher of the law; against him, therefore, the first effort of his despair was directed. He started uponthe floor, and seizing a certain utensil, that shall be nameless, launched it at the misanthrope with such violence, that had he notcautiously slipt his head aside, it is supposed that actual fire wouldhave been produced from the collision of two such hard and solidsubstances. All future mischief was prevented by the strength andagility of Captain Crowe, who, springing upon the assailant, pinioned hisarms to his sides, crying, "O, d--n ye, if you are for running a-head, I'll soon bring you to your bearings. "

The squire, thus restrained, soon recollected himself, and gazing uponevery individual in the apartment, "Wounds!" said he, "I've had an uglydream. I thought, for all the world, they were carrying me to Newgate, and that there was Jack Ketch coom to vetch me before my taim. "

Ferret, who was the person he had thus distinguished, eyeing him with alook of the most emphatic malevolence, told him it was very natural for aknave to dream of Newgate; and that he hoped to see the day when hisdream would be found a true prophecy, and the commonwealth purged of allsuch rogues and vagabonds. But it could not be expected that the vulgarwould be honest and conscientious, while the great were distinguished byprofligacy and corruption. The squire was disposed to make a practicalreply to this insinuation, when Mr. Ferret prudently withdrew himselffrom the scene of altercation. The good woman of the house persuaded hisantagonist to take out his nap, assuring him that the eggs and bacon, with a mug of excellent ale, should be forthcoming in due season. Theaffair being thus fortunately adjusted, the guests returned to thekitchen, and Mr. Clarke resumed his story to this effect:--

"You'll please to take notice, gemmen, that, besides the instances I havealleged of Sir Launcelot's extravagant benevolence, I could recount agreat many others of the same nature, and particularly the laudablevengeance he took of a country lawyer. I'm sorry that any such miscreantshould belong to the profession. He was clerk of the assize, gemmen, ina certain town, not a great way distant; and having a blank pardon leftby the judges for some criminals whose cases were attended withfavourable circumstances, he would not insert the name of one who couldnot procure a guinea for the fee; and the poor fellow, who had only stolean hour-glass out of a shoemaker's window, was actually executed, after along respite, during which he had been permitted to go abroad, and earnhis subsistence by his daily labour. 

"Sir Launcelot being informed of this barbarous act of avarice, andhaving some ground that bordered on the lawyer's estate, not onlyrendered him contemptible and infamous, by exposing him as often as theymet on the grand jury, but also, being vested with the property of thegreat tithe, proved such a troublesome neighbour, sometimes by makingwaste among his hay and corn, sometimes by instituting suits against himfor petty trespasses, that he was fairly obliged to quit his habitation, and remove into another part of the kingdom. 

"All these avocations could not divert Sir Launcelot from the executionof a wild scheme, which has carried his extravagance to such a pitch thatI am afraid, if a statute--you understand me, gemmen--were sued, the jurywould--I don't choose to explain myself further on this circumstance. Bethat as it may, the servants at Greavesbury Hall were not a littleconfounded, when their master took down from the family armoury acomplete suit of armour, which belonged to his great-grandfather, SirMarmaduke Greaves, a great warrior, who lost his life in the service ofhis king. This armour being scoured, repaired, and altered, so as to fitSir Launcelot, a certain knight, whom I don't choose to name, because Ibelieve he cannot be proved compos mentis, came down, seemingly on avisit, with two attendants; and, on the evening of the festival of St. George, the armour being carried into the chapel. Sir Launcelot (Lordhave mercy upon us!) remained all night in that dismal place alone, andwithout light, though it was confidently reported all over the country, that the place was haunted by the spirit of his great-great-uncle, who, being lunatic, had cut his throat from ear to ear, and was found dead onthe communion table. "

It was observed, that while Mr. Clarke rehearsed this circumstance hiseyes began to stare and his teeth to chatter; while Dolly, whose lookswere fixed invariably on this narrator, growing pale, and hitching herjoint-stool nearer the chimney, exclaimed, in a frightened tone, "Moother, moother, in the neame of God, look to 'un! how a quakes! as I'ma precious saoul, a looks as if a saw something. " Tom forced a smile, and thus proceeded:--

"While Sir Launcelot tarried within the chapel, with the doors alllocked, the other knight stalked round and round it on the outside, withhis sword drawn, to the terror of divers persons who were present at theceremony. As soon as day broke he opened one of the doors, and going into Sir Launcelot, read a book for some time, which we did suppose to bethe constitutions of knight-errantry. Then we heard a loud slap, whichechoed through the whole chapel, and the stranger pronounce, with anaudible and solemn voice, 'In the name of God, St. Michael, and St. George, I dub thee knight--be faithful, bold, and fortunate. ' You cannotimagine, gemmen, what an effect this strange ceremony had upon the peoplewho were assembled. They gazed at one another in silent horror, and whenSir Launcelot came forth completely armed, took to their heels in a body, and fled with the utmost precipitation. I myself was overturned in thecrowd; and this was the case with that very individual person who nowserves him as squire. He was so frightened that he could not rise, butlay roaring in such a manner that the knight came up and gave him athwack with his lance across the shoulders, which roused him with avengeance. For my own part I freely own I was not unmoved at seeing sucha figure come stalking out of a church in the grey of the morning; for itrecalled to my remembrance the idea of the ghost in Hamlet, which I hadseen acted in Drury Lane, when I made my first trip to London, and I hadnot yet got rid of the impression. 

"Sir Launcelot, attended by the other knight, proceeded to the stable, from whence, with his own hands, he drew forth one of his best horses, afine mettlesome sorrel, who had got blood in him, ornamented with richtrappings. In a trice, the two knights, and the other two strangers, whonow appeared to be trumpeters, were mounted. Sir Launcelot's armour waslacquered black; and on his shield was represented the moon in her firstquarter, with the motto, Impleat orbem. The trumpets having sounded acharge, the stranger pronounced with a loud voice, 'God preserve thisgallant knight in all his honourable achievements; and may he longcontinue to press the sides of his now adopted steed, which I denominateBronzomarte, hoping that he will rival in swiftness and spirit, Bayardo, Brigliadoro, or any other steed of past or present chivalry!' Afteranother flourish of the trumpets, all four clapped spurs to their horses, Sir Launcelot couching his lance, and galloped to and fro, as if they hadbeen mad, to the terror and astonishment of all the spectators. 

"What should have induced our knight to choose this here man for hissquire, is not easy to determine; for, of all the servants about thehouse, he was the least likely either to please his master, or engage insuch an undertaking. His name is Timothy Crabshaw, and he acted in thecapacity of whipper-in to Sir Everhard. He afterwards married thedaughter of a poor cottager, by whom he has several children, and wasemployed about the house as a ploughman and carter. To be sure, thefellow has a dry sort of humour about him; but he was universally hatedamong the servants, for his abusive tongue and perverse disposition, which often brought him into trouble; for, though the fellow is as strongas an elephant, he has no more courage naturally than a chicken; I saynaturally, because, since his being a member of knight-errantry, he hasdone some things that appear altogether incredible and preternatural. 

"Timothy kept such a bawling, after he had received the blow from SirLauncelot, that everybody on the field thought that some of his boneswere broken; and his wife, with five bantlings, came snivelling to theknight, who ordered her to send the husband directly to his house. Timaccordingly went thither, groaning piteously all the way, creeping along, with his body bent like a Greenland canoe. As soon as he entered thecourt, the outward door was shut; and Sir Launcelot coming downstairswith a horsewhip in his hand, asked what was the matter with him that hecomplained so dismally? To this question he replied, that it was ascommon as duck-weed in his country for a man to complain when his boneswere broke. 'What should have broke your bones?' said the knight. 'Icannot guess, ' answered the other, 'unless it was that delicate switchthat your honour in your mad pranks handled so dexterously upon mycarcass. ' Sir Launcelot then told him, there was nothing so good for abruise, as a sweat; and he had the remedy in his hand. Timothy, eyeingthe horsewhip askance, observed that there was another still more speedy, to wit, a moderate pill of lead, with a sufficient dose of gunpowder. 'No, rascal, ' cried the knight; 'that must be reserved for your betters. 'So saying, he employed the instrument so effectually, that Crabshaw soonforgot his fractured ribs, and capered about with great agility. 

"When he had been disciplined in this manner to some purpose, the knighttold him he might retire, but ordered him to return next morning, when heshould have a repetition of the medicine, provided he did not findhimself capable of walking in an erect posture. 

"The gate was no sooner thrown open, than Timothy ran home with all thespeed of a greyhound, and corrected his wife, by whose advice he hadpretended to be so grievously damaged in his person. 

"Nobody dreamed that he would next day present himself at GreavesburyHall; nevertheless, he was there very early in the morning, and evencloseted a whole hour altogether with Sir Launcelot. He came out, makingwry faces, and several times slapped himself on the forehead, crying, 'Bodikins! thof he be crazy, I an't, that I an't?' When he was askedwhat was the matter, he said, he believed the devil had got in him, andhe should never be his own man again. 

"That same day the knight carried him to Ashenton, where he bespoke thoseaccoutrements which he now wears; and while these were making, it wasthought the poor fellow would have run distracted. He did nothing butgrowl, and curse and swear to himself, run backwards and forwards betweenhis own hut and Greavesbury Hall, and quarrel with the horses in thestable. At length, his wife and family were removed into a snugfarmhouse, that happened to be empty, and care taken that they should becomfortably maintained. 

"These precautions being taken, the knight, one morning, at daybreak, mounted Bronzomarte, and Crabshaw, as his squire, ascended the back of aclumsy cart-horse, called Gilbert. This, again, was looked upon as aninstance of insanity in the said Crabshaw; for, of all the horses in thestable, Gilbert was the most stubborn and vicious, and had often like tohave done mischief to Timothy while he drove the cart and plough. Whenhe was out of humour, he would kick and plunge as if the devil was inhim. He once thrust Crabshaw into the middle of a quick-set hedge, wherehe was terribly torn; another time he canted him over his head into aquagmire, where he stuck with his heels up, and must have perished, ifpeople had not been passing that way; a third time he seized him in thestable with his teeth by the rim of the belly, and swung him off theground, to the great danger of his life; and I'll be hanged, if it wasnot owing to Gilbert, that Crabshaw was now thrown into the river. 

"Thus mounted and accoutred, the knight and his squire set out on theirfirst excursion. They turned off from the common highway, and travelledall that day without meeting anything worthy recounting; but, in themorning of the second day, they were favoured with an adventure. Thehunt was upon a common through which they travelled, and the hounds werein full cry after a fox, when Crabshaw, prompted by his own mischievousdisposition, and neglecting the order of his master, who called aloud tohim to desist, rode up to the hounds, and crossed them at full gallop. The huntsman, who was not far off, running towards the squire, bestowedupon his head such a memento with his pole, as made the landscape dancebefore his eyes; and, in a twinkling he was surrounded by all thefox-hunters, who plied their whips about his ears with infinite agility. Sir Launcelot, advancing at an easy pace, instead of assisting thedisastrous squire, exhorted his adversaries to punish him severely forhis insolence, and they were not slow in obeying this injunction. Crabshaw, finding himself in this disagreeable situation, and that therewas no succour to be expected from his master, on whose prowess he haddepended, grew desperate, and, clubbing his whip, laid about him withgreat fury, wheeling about Gilbert, who was not idle; for he, havingreceived some of the favours intended for his rider, both bit with histeeth and kicked with his heels; and, at last, made his way through thering that encircled him, though not before he had broke the huntsman'sleg, lamed one of the best horses on the field, and killed half a scoreof the hounds. 

"Crabshaw, seeing himself clear of the fray, did not tarry to take leaveof his master, but made the most of his way to Greavesbury Hall, where heappeared hardly with any vestige of the human countenance, so much had hebeen defaced in this adventure. He did not fail to raise a great clamouragainst Sir Launcelot, whom he cursed as a coward in plain terms, swearing he would never serve him another day. But whether he alteredhis mind on cooler reflection, or was lectured by his wife, who wellunderstood her own interest, he rose with the cock, and went again inquest of Sir Launcelot, whom he found on the eve of a very hazardousenterprise. 

"In the midst of a lane, the knight happened to meet with a party ofabout forty recruits, commanded by a serjeant, a corporal, and a drummer, which last had his drum slung at his back; but seeing such a strangefigure mounted on a high-spirited horse, he was seized with aninclination to divert his company. With this view, he braced his drum, and, hanging it in its proper position, began to beat a point of war, advancing under the very nose of Bronzomarte; while the corporalexclaimed, 'D--n my eyes, who have we got here?--old King Stephen, fromthe horse armoury in the Tower, or the fellow that rides armed at my LordMayor's show?' The knight's steed seemed, at least, as well pleased withthe sound of the drum, as were the recruits that followed it; andsignified his satisfaction in some curvetings and caprioles, which didnot at all discompose the rider, who, addressing himself to the serjeant, 'Friend, ' said he, 'you ought to teach your drummer better manners. Iwould chastise the fellow on the spot for his insolence, were it not outof the respect I bear to his majesty's service. ' 'Respect mine a--!'cried this ferocious commander; what, d'ye think to frighten us with yourpewter piss-pot on your skull, and your lacquered pot-lid on your arm?Get out of the way, and be d--ned, or I'll raise with my halbert such aclatter upon your target, that you'll remember it the longest day youhave to live. ' At that instant, Crabshaw arriving upon Gilbert, 'So, rascal, ' said Sir Launcelot, 'you are returned. Go and beat in thatscoundrel's drum-head. '

"The squire, who saw no weapons of offence about the drummer but a sword, which he hoped the owner durst not draw, and being resolved to exerthimself in making atonement for his desertion, advanced to execute hismaster's orders; but Gilbert, who liked not the noise, refused to proceedin the ordinary way. Then the squire, turning his tail to the drummer, he advanced in a retrograde motion, and with one kick of his heels, notonly broke the drum into a thousand pieces, but laid the drummer in themire, with such a blow upon his hip-bone, that he halted all the days ofhis life. The recruits, perceiving the discomfiture of their leader, armed themselves with stones; the serjeant raised his halbert in aposture of defence, and immediately a severe action ensued. By thistime, Crabshaw had drawn his sword, and begun to lay about him like adevil incarnate; but, in a little time, he was saluted by a volley ofstones, one of which knocked out two of his grinders, and brought him tothe earth, where he had like to have found no quarter; for the wholecompany crowded about him, with their cudgels brandished; and perhaps heowed his preservation to their pressing so hard that they hindered oneanother from using their weapons. 

"Sir Launcelot, seeing with indignation the unworthy treatment his squirehad received, and scorning to stain his lance with the blood ofplebeians, instead of couching it at the rest, seized it by the middle, and fetching one blow at the serjeant, broke in twain the halbert whichhe had raised as a quarter-staff for his defence. The second strokeencountered his pate, which being the hardest part about him, sustainedthe shock without damage; but the third, lighting on his ribs, hehonoured the giver with immediate prostration. The general being thusoverthrown, Sir Launcelot advanced to the relief of Crabshaw, and handledhis weapon so effectually, that the whole body of the enemy were disabledor routed, before one cudgel had touched the carcass of the fallensquire. As for the corporal, instead of standing by his commandingofficer, he had overleaped the hedge, and run to the constable of anadjoining village for assistance. Accordingly, before Crabshaw could beproperly remounted, the peace officer arrived with his posse; and by thecorporal was charged with Sir Launcelot and his squire, as twohighwaymen. The constable, astonished at the martial figure of theknight, and intimidated at sight of the havoc he had made, contentedhimself with standing at a distance, displaying the badge of his office, and reminding the knight that he represented his majesty's person. 

"Sir Launcelot, seeing the poor man in great agitation, assured him thathis design was to enforce, not violate the laws of his country; and thathe and his squire would attend him to the next justice of peace; but, inthe meantime, he, in his turn, charged the peace officer with theserjeant and drummer, who had begun the fray. 

"The justice had been a pettifogger, and was a sycophant to a nobleman inthe neighbourhood, who had a post at court. He therefore thought heshould oblige his patron, by showing his respect for the military; buttreated our knight with the most boorish insolence; and refused to admithim into his house, until he had surrendered all his weapons of offenceto the constable. Sir Launcelot and his squire being found theaggressors, the justice insisted upon making out their mittimus, if theydid not find bail immediately; and could hardly be prevailed upon toagree that they should remain at the house of the constable, who, being apublican, undertook to keep them in safe custody, until the knight couldwrite to his steward. Meanwhile he was bound over to the peace; and theserjeant with his drummer were told they had a good action against himfor assault and battery, either by information or indictment. 

"They were not, however, so fond of the law as the justice seemed to be. Their sentiments had taken a turn in favour of Sir Launcelot, during thecourse of his examination, by which it appeared that he was really agentleman of fashion and fortune; and they resolved to compromise theaffair without the intervention of his worship. Accordingly, theserjeant repaired to the constable's house, where the knight was lodged;and humbled himself before his honour, protesting with many oaths, that, if he had known his quality, he would have beaten the drummer's brainsabout his ears, for presuming to give his honour or his horse the leastdisturbance; thof the fellow, he believed, was sufficiently punished inbeing a cripple for life. 

"Sir Launcelot admitted of his apologies; and taking compassion on thefellow who had suffered so severely for his folly, resolved to providefor his maintenance. Upon the representation of the parties to thejustice, the warrant was next day discharged; and the knight returned tohis own house, attended by the serjeant and the drummer mounted onhorseback, the recruits being left to the corporal's charge. 

"The halberdier found the good effects of Sir Launcelot's liberality; andhis companion being rendered unfit for his majesty's service, by theheels of Gilbert, is now entertained at Greavesbury Hall, where he willprobably remain for life. 

"As for Crabshaw, his master gave him to understand, that if he did notthink him pretty well chastised for his presumption and flight, by thediscipline he had undergone in the last two adventures, he would turn himout of his service with disgrace. Timothy said he believed it would bethe greatest favour he could do him to turn him out of a service in whichhe knew he should be rib-roasted every day, and murdered at last. 

"In this situation were things at Greavesbury Hall about a month ago, when I crossed the country to Ferrybridge, where I met my uncle. Probably, this is the first incident of their second excursion; for thedistance between this here house and Sir Launcelot's estate does notexceed fourscore or ninety miles. "

CHAPTER SIX

IN WHICH THE READER WILL PERCEIVE THAT IN SOME CASES MADNESS IS CATCHING. 

Mr. Clarke having made an end of his narrative, the surgeon thanked himfor the entertainment he had received; and Mr. Ferret shrugged up hisshoulders in silent disapprobation. As for Captain Crowe, who used atsuch pauses to pour in a broadside of dismembered remarks, linkedtogether like chain-shot, he spoke not a syllable for some time; but, lighting a fresh pipe at the candle, began to roll such voluminous cloudsof smoke as in an instant filled the whole apartment, and renderedhimself invisible to the whole company. Though he thus shrouded himselffrom their view, he did not long remain concealed from their hearing. They first heard a strange dissonant cackle, which the doctor knew to bea sea-laugh, and this was followed by an eager exclamation of "Rarepastime, strike my yards and topmasts!--I've a good mind--why shouldn't--many a losing voyage I've--smite my taffrel but I wool"--

By this time he had relaxed so much in his fumigation, that the tip ofhis nose and one eye reappeared; and as he had drawn his wig forwards, soas to cover his whole forehead, the figure that now saluted their eyeswas much more ferocious and terrible than the fire-breathing chimera ofthe ancients. Notwithstanding this dreadful appearance, there was noindignation in his heart, but, on the contrary, an agreeable curiosity, which he was determined to gratify. 

Addressing himself to Mr. Fillet, "Pr'ythee, doctor, " said he, "cansttell, whether a man, without being rated a lord or a baron, or what d'yecall um, d'ye see, may n't take to the highway in the way of a frolic, d'ye see?--Adad! for my own part, brother, I'm resolved as how to cruisea bit in the way of an arrant--if so be as I can't at once be commander, mayhap I may be bore upon the books as a petty officer or the like, d'yesee. "

"Now, the Lord forbid!" cried Clarke, with tears in his eyes, "I'd rathersee you dead than brought to such a dilemma. " "Mayhap thou wouldst, "answered the uncle; "for then, my lad, there would be some picking--aha!dost thou tip me the traveller, my boy?" Tom assured him he scorned anysuch mercenary views. "I am only concerned, " said he, "that you shouldtake any step that might tend to the disgrace of yourself or your family;and I say again I had rather die than live to see you reckoned anyotherwise than compos. "--"Die and be d--ned! you shambling half-timber'dson of a----, " cried the choleric Crowe; "dost talk to me of keeping areckoning and compass?--I could keep a reckoning, and box my compass longenough before thy keelstone was laid--Sam Crowe is not come here to askthy counsel how to steer his course. " "Lord! sir, " resumed the nephew, "consider what people will say--all the world will think you mad. " "Setthy heart at ease, Tom, " cried the seaman, "I'll have a trip to and againin this here channel. Mad! what then? I think for my part one half ofthe nation is mad--and the other not very sound--I don't see why I han'tas good a right to be mad as another man--but, doctor, as I was saying, I'd be bound to you, if you would direct me where I can buy that sametackle that all arrant must wear; as for the matter of the long pole, headed with iron, I'd never desire better than a good boat-hook, andcould make a special good target of that there tin sconce that holds thecandle--mayhap any blacksmith will hammer me a skull-cap, d'ye see, outof an old brass kettle; and I can call my horse by the name of my ship, which was Mufti. "

The surgeon was one of those wags who can laugh inwardly, withoutexhibiting the least outward mark of mirth or satisfaction. He at onceperceived the amusement which might be drawn from this strangedisposition of the sailor, together with the most likely means whichcould be used to divert him from such an extravagant pursuit. Hetherefore tipped Clarke the wink with one side of his face, while theother was very gravely turned to the captain, whom he addressed to thiseffect. "It is not far from hence to Sheffield, where you might befitted completely in half a day--then you must wake your armour in churchor chapel, and be dubbed. As for this last ceremony, it may be performedby any person whatsoever. Don Quixote was dubbed by his landlord; andthere are many instances on record, of errants obliging and compellingthe next person they met to cross their shoulders, and dub them knights. I myself would undertake to be your godfather; and I have interest enoughto procure the keys of the parish church that stands hard by; besides, this is the eve of St. Martin, who was himself a knight-errant, andtherefore a proper patron to a novitiate. I wish we could borrow SirLauncelot's armour for the occasion. "

Crowe, being struck with this hint, started up, and laying his fingerson his lips to enjoin silence, walked off softly on his tiptoes, tolisten at the door of our knight's apartment, and judge whether or nothe was asleep. Mr. Fillet took this opportunity to tell his nephew thatit would be in vain for him to combat this humour with reason andargument; but the most effectual way of diverting him from the plan ofknight-errantry would be, to frighten him heartily while he should keephis vigil in the church; towards the accomplishment of which purpose hecraved the assistance of the misanthrope as well as the nephew. Clarkeseemed to relish the scheme; and observed, that his uncle, though enduedwith courage enough to face any human danger, had at bottom a strong fundof superstition, which he had acquired, or at least improved, in thecourse of a sea-life. Ferret, who perhaps would not have gone ten pacesout of his road to save Crowe from the gallows, nevertheless engaged asan auxiliary, merely in hope of seeing a fellow-creature miserable; andeven undertook to be the principal agent in this adventure. For thisoffice indeed he was better qualified than they could have imagined. Inthe bundle which he kept under his greatcoat, there was, together withdivers nostrums, a small vial of liquid phosphorus, sufficient, as he hadalready observed, to frighten a whole neighbourhood out of their senses. 

In order to concert the previous measures without being overheard, theseconfederates retired with a candle and lantern into the stable; and theirbacks were scarce turned, when Captain Crowe came in loaded with piecesof the knight's armour, which he had conveyed from the apartment of SirLauncelot, whom he had left fast asleep. 

Understanding that the rest of the company were gone out for a moment, hecould not resist the inclination he felt of communicating his intentionto the landlady, who, with her daughter, had been too much engaged inpreparing Crabshaw's supper, to know the purport of their conversation. The good woman, being informed of the captain's design to remain aloneall night in the church, began to oppose it with all her rhetoric. Shesaid it was setting his Maker at defiance, and a wilful running intotemptation. She assured him that all the country knew that the churchwas haunted by spirits and hobgoblins; that lights had been seen in everycorner of it, and a tall woman in white had one night appeared upon thetop of the tower; that dreadful shrieks were often heard to come from thesouth aisle, where a murdered man had been buried; that she herself hadseen the cross on the steeple all a-fire; and one evening as she passeda-horseback close by the stile at the entrance into the churchyard, thehorse stood still, sweating and trembling, and had no power to proceed, until she had repeated the Lord's Prayer. 

These remarks made a strong impression on the imagination of Crowe, whoasked in some confusion, if she had got that same prayer in print? Shemade no answer, but reaching the Prayer-Book from a shelf, and turning upthe leaf, put it into his hand; then the captain having adjusted hisspectacles, began to read, or rather spell aloud, with equal eagernessand solemnity. He had refreshed his memory so well as to remember thewhole, when the doctor, returning with his companions, gave him tounderstand that he had procured the key of the chancel, where he mightwatch his armour as well as in the body of the church; and that he wasready to conduct him to the spot. Crowe was not now quite so forward ashe had appeared before, to achieve this adventure. He began to startobjections with respect to the borrowed armour; he wanted to stipulatethe comforts of a can of flip, and a candle's end, during his vigil; andhinted something of the damage he might sustain from your malicious impsof darkness. 

The doctor told him, the constitutions of chivalry absolutely requiredthat he should be left in the dark alone, and fasting, to spend the nightin pious meditations; but if he had any fears which disturbed hisconscience, he had much better desist, and give up all thoughts ofknight-errantry, which could not consist with the least shadow ofapprehension. The captain, stung by this remark, replied not a word, butgathering up the armour into a bundle, threw it on his back, and set outfor the place of probation, preceded by Clarke with the lantern. Whenthey arrived at the church, Fillet, who had procured the key from thesexton, who was his patient, opened the door, and conducted our noviceinto the middle of the chancel, where the armour was deposited. Thenbidding Crowe draw his hanger, committed him to the protection of Heaven, assuring him he would come back, and find him either dead or alive bydaybreak, and perform the remaining part of the ceremony. So saying, heand the other associates shook him by the hand and took their leave, after the surgeon had tilted up the lantern to take a view of his visage, which was pale and haggard. 

Before the door was locked upon him, he called aloud, "Hilloa! doctor, hip--another word, d'ye see. " They forthwith returned to know what hewanted, and found him already in a sweat. "Hark ye, brother, " said he, wiping his face, "I do suppose as how one may pass away the time inwhistling the Black Joke, or singing Black-eyed Susan, or some suchsorrowful ditty. "--"By no means, " cried the doctor; "such pastimes areneither suitable to the place, nor the occasion, which is altogether areligious exercise. If you have got any psalms by heart, you may sing astave or two, or repeat the Doxology. "--"Would I had Tom Laverick here, "replied our novitiate; "he would sing your anthems like a sea-mew--a hadbeen a clerk a-shore--many's the time and often I've given him a rope'send for singing psalms in the larboard watch. Would I had hired the sonof a b---h to have taught me a cast of his office--but it cannot be holp, brother--if we can't go large, we must haul up a wind, as the saying is;if we can't sing, we must pray. " The company again left him to hisdevotion, and returned to the public-house, in order to execute theessential part of their project. 

CHAPTER SEVEN

IN WHICH THE KNIGHT RESUMES HIS IMPORTANCE. 

Doctor Fillet having borrowed a couple of sheets from the landlady, dressed the misanthrope and Tom Clarke in ghostly apparel, which wasreinforced by a few drops of liquid phosphorus, from Ferret's vial, rubbed on the foreheads of the two adventurers. Thus equipped, theyreturned to the church with their conductor, who entered with them softlyat an aisle which was opposite to a place where the novice kept watch. They stole unperceived through the body of the church; and though it wasso dark that they could not distinguish the captain with the eye, theyheard the sound of his steps, as he walked backwards and forwards on thepavement with uncommon expedition, and an ejaculation now and thenescaped in a murmur from this lips. 

The triumvirate having taken their station with a large pew in theirfront, the two ghosts uncovered their heads, which by the help of thephosphorus exhibited a pale and lambent flame, extremely dismal andghastly to the view; then Ferret in a squeaking tone, exclaimed, "SamuelCrowe! Samuel Crowe!" The captain hearing himself accosted in thismanner, at such a time, and in such a place, replied, "Hilloah"; andturning his eyes towards the quarter whence the voice seemed to proceed, beheld the terrible apparition. This no sooner saluted his view than hishair bristled up, his knees began to knock, and his teeth to chatter, while he cried aloud, "In the name of God, where are you bound, ho?" Tothis hail the misanthrope answered, "We are the spirits of thygrandmother Jane and thy aunt Bridget. "

At mention of these names, Crowe's terrors began to give way to hisresentment, and he pronounced in a quick tone of surprise, mixed withindignation, "What d'ye want? what d'ye want? what d'ye want, ho?" Thespirit replied, "We are sent to warn thee of thy fate. " "From whence, ho?" cried the captain, whose choler had by this time well-nigh triumphedover his fear. "From Heaven, " said the voice. "Ye lie, ye b------s ofhell!" did our novice exclaim; "ye are d--ned for heaving me out of myright, five fathom and a half by the lead, in burning brimstone. Don't Isee the blue flames come out of your hawse holes?--mayhap you may be thedevil himself, for aught I know--but I trust in the Lord, d'ye see--Inever disrated a kinsman, d'ye see, so don't come alongside of me--putabout on th'other tack, d'ye see--you need not clap hard a-weather, foryou'll soon get to hell again with a flowing sail. "

So saying, he had recourse to his Paternoster; but perceiving theapparitions approach, he thundered out, "Avast, --avast--sheer off, yebabes of hell, or I'll be foul of your forelights. " He accordinglysprung forwards with his hanger, and very probably would have set thespirits on their way to the other world, had he not fallen over a pew inthe dark, and entangled himself so much among the benches, that he couldnot immediately recover his footing. The triumvirate took thisopportunity to retire; and such was the precipitation of Ferret in hisretreat, that he encountered a post by which his right eye sustainedconsiderable damage; a circumstance which induced him to inveigh bitterlyagainst his own folly, as well as the impertinence of his companions, whohad inveigled him into such a troublesome adventure. Neither he norClarke could be prevailed upon to revisit the novice. The doctor himselfthought his disease was desperate; and, mounting his horse, returned tohis own habitation. 

Ferret, finding all the beds in the public-house were occupied, composedhimself to sleep in a Windsor chair at the chimney corner; and Mr. Clarke, whose disposition was extremely amorous, resolved to renew hispractices on the heart of Dolly. He had reconnoitred the apartments inwhich the bodies of the knight and his squire were deposited, anddiscovered close by the top of the staircase a sort of a closet or hovel, just large enough to contain a truckle bed, which, from some otherparticulars, he supposed to be the bedchamber of his beloved Dolly, whohad by this time retired to her repose. Full of this idea, andinstigated by the demon of desire, Mr. Thomas crept softly upstairs, andlifting the latch of the closet door, his heart began to palpitate withjoyous expectation; but before he could breathe the gentle effusions ofhis love, the supposed damsel started up and seizing him by the collarwith a Herculean gripe, uttered, in the voice of Crabshaw, "It wan't fornothing that I dreamed of Newgate, sirrah; but I'd have thee to know, anarrant squire is not to be robbed by such a peddling thief as thee--hereI'll howld thee vast, an the devil were in thy doublet--help! murder!vire! help!"

It was impossible for Mr. Clarke to disengage himself, and equallyimpracticable to speak in his own vindication; so that here he stoodtrembling and half throttled, until the whole house being alarmed, thelandlady and her ostler ran upstairs with a candle. When the lightrendered objects visible, an equal astonishment prevailed on all sides;Crabshaw was confounded at sight of Mr. Clarke, whose person he wellknew; and releasing him instantly from his grasp, "Bodikins!" cried he, "I believe as how this hause is haunted--who thought to meet with MeasterLaawyer Clarke at midnight, and so far from hoam?" The landlady couldnot comprehend the meaning of this encounter; nor could Tom conceive howCrabshaw had transported himself thither from the room below, in which hesaw him quietly reposed. Yet nothing was more easy than to explain thismystery: the apartment below was the chamber which the hostess and herdaughter reserved for their own convenience; and this particular havingbeen intimated to the squire while he was at supper, he had resigned hisbed quietly, and been conducted hither in the absence of the company. Tom, recollecting himself as well as he could, professed himself ofCrabshaw's opinion, that the house was haunted, declaring that he couldnot well account for his being there in the dark; and leaving those thatwere assembled to discuss this knotty point, retired downstairs in hopeof meeting with his charmer, whom accordingly he found in the kitchenjust risen, and wrapped in a loose dishabille. 

The noise of Crabshaw's cries had awakened and aroused his master, who, rising suddenly in the dark, snatched up his sword that lay by hisbedside, and hastened to the scene of tumult, where all their mouths wereopened at once, to explain the cause of the disturbance, and make anapology for breaking his honour's rest. He said nothing, but taking thecandle in his hand, beckoned his squire to follow him into his apartment, resolving to arm and take horse immediately. Crabshaw understood hismeaning; and while he shuffled on his clothes, yawning hideously all thewhile, wished the lawyer at the devil for having visited him sounseasonably; and even cursed himself for the noise he had made, inconsequence of which he foresaw he should now be obliged to forfeit hisnight's rest, and travel in the dark, exposed to the inclemencies of theweather. "Pox rot thee, Tom Clarke, for a wicked lawyer!" said he tohimself; "hadst thou been hanged at Bartlemy-tide, I should this nighthave slept in peace, that I should--an I would there was a blister onthis plaguy tongue of mine for making such a hollo-ballo, that I do--fivegallons of cold water has my poor belly been drenched with since nightfell, so as my reins and my liver are all one as if they were turned intoice, and my whole harslet shakes and shivers like a vial of quicksilver. I have been dragged, half-drowned like a rotten ewe, from the bottom of ariver; and who knows but I may be next dragged quite dead from the bottomof a coal-pit--if so be as I am, I shall go to hell to be sure, for beingconsarned like in my own moorder, that I will, so I will; for, a plagueon it! I had no business with the vagaries of this crazy-peated measterof mine, a pox on him, say I. "

He had just finished this soliloquy as he entered the apartment of hismaster, who desired to know what was become of his armour. Timothy, understanding that it had been left in the room when the knightundressed, began to scratch his head in great perplexity; and at lastdeclared it as his opinion, that it must have been carried off bywitchcraft. Then he related his adventure with Tom Clarke, who he saidwas conveyed to his bedside he knew not how; and concluded with affirmingthey were no better than Papishes who did not believe in witchcraft. SirLauncelot could not help smiling at his simplicity; but assuming aperemptory air, he commanded him to fetch the armour without delay, thathe might afterwards saddle the horses, in order to prosecute theirjourney. 

Timothy retired in great tribulation to the kitchen, where, finding themisanthrope, whom the noise had also disturbed, and, still impressed withthe notion of his being a conjurer, he offered him a shilling if he wouldcast a figure, and let him know what was become of his master's armour. 

Ferret, in hope of producing more mischief, informed him withouthesitation, that one of the company had conveyed it into the chancel ofthe church, where he would now find it deposited; at the same timepresenting him with the key, which Mr. Fillet had left in his custody. 

The squire, who was none of those who set hobgoblins at defiance, beingafraid to enter the church alone at these hours, bargained with theostler to accompany and light him with a lantern. Thus attended, headvanced to the place where the armour lay in a heap, and loaded it uponthe back of his attendant without molestation, the lance being shoulderedover the whole. In this equipage they were just going to retire, whenthe ostler, hearing a noise at some distance, wheeled about with suchvelocity, that one end of the spear saluting Crabshaw's pate, the poorsquire measured his length on the ground; and, crushing the lantern inhis fall, the light was extinguished. The other, terrified at theseeffects of his own sudden motion, threw down his burden, and would havebetaken himself to flight, had not Crabshaw laid fast hold on his leg, that he himself might not be deserted. The sound of the piecesclattering on the pavement roused Captain Crowe from a trance or slumber, in which he had lain since the apparition vanished; and he hallooed, orrather bellowed, with vast vociferation. Timothy and his friend were sointimidated by this terrific strain, that they thought no more of thearmour, but ran home arm in arm, and appeared in the kitchen with all themarks of horror and consternation. 

When Sir Launcelot came forth wrapped in his cloak, and demanded hisarms, Crabshaw declared that the devil had them in possession; and thisassertion was confirmed by the ostler, who pretended to know the devil byhis roar. Ferret sat in his corner, maintaining the most mortifyingsilence, and enjoying the impatience of the knight, who in vain requestedan explanation of this mystery. At length his eyes began to lighten, when, seizing Crabshaw in one hand, and the ostler in the other, he sworeby Heaven he would dash their souls out, and raze the house to thefoundation, if they did not instantly disclose the particulars of thistransaction. The good woman fell on her knees, protesting, in the nameof the Lord, that she was innocent as the child unborn, thof she had lentthe captain a Prayer-Book to learn the Lord's Prayer, a candle andlantern to light him to the church, and a couple of clean sheets, for theuse of the other gentlemen. The knight was more and more puzzled by thisdeclaration; when Mr. Clarke, coming into the kitchen, presented himselfwith a low obeisance to his old patron. 

Sir Launcelot's anger was immediately converted into surprise. He set atliberty the squire and the ostler, and stretching out his hand to thelawyer, "My good friend Clarke, " said he, "how came you hither? Can yousolve this knotty point which has involved us all in such confusion?"

Tom forthwith began a very circumstantial recapitulation of what hadhappened to his uncle; in what manner he had been disappointed of theestate; how he had accidentally seen his honour, been enamoured of hischaracter, and become ambitious of following his example. Then herelated the particulars of the plan which had been laid down to diverthim from his design, and concluded with assuring the knight, that thecaptain was a very honest man, though he seemed to be a little disorderedin his intellects. "I believe it, " replied Sir Launcelot; "madness andhonesty are not incompatible--indeed, I feel it by experience. "

Tom proceeded to ask pardon, in his uncle's name, for having made so freewith the knight's armour; and begged his honour, for the love of God, would use his authority with Crowe, that he might quit all thoughts ofknight-errantry, for which he was by no means qualified; for, beingtotally ignorant of the laws of the land, he would be continuallycommitting trespasses, and bring himself into trouble. He said, in casehe should prove refractory, he might be apprehended by virtue of afriendly warrant, for having feloniously carried off the knight'saccoutrements. "Taking away another man's moveables, " said he, "andpersonal goods against the will of the owner, is furtum and felonyaccording to the statute. Different indeed from robbery, which impliesputting in fear in the king's highway, in alta via regia violenter etfelonice captum et asportatum, in magnum terrorem, etc. ; for if therobbery be laid in the indictment, as done in quadam via pedestri, in afootpath, the offender will not be ousted of his clergy. It must be inalta via regia; and your honour will please to take notice, thatrobberies committed on the river Thames are adjudged as done in alta viaregia; for the king's highstream is all the same as the king's highway. "

Sir Launcelot could not help smiling at Tom's learned investigation. Hecongratulated him on the progress he had made in the study of the law. He expressed his concern at the strange turn the captain had taken, andpromised to use his influence in persuading him to desist from thepreposterous design he had formed. 

The lawyer, thus assured, repaired immediately to the church, accompaniedby the squire, and held a parley with his uncle, who, when he understoodthat the knight in person desired a conference, surrendered up the armsquietly, and returned to the public-house. 

Sir Launcelot received the honest seaman with his usual complacency; andperceiving great discomposure in his looks, said, he was sorry to hear hehad passed such a disagreeable night to so little purpose. Crowe, havingrecruited his spirits with a bumper of brandy, thanked him for hisconcern, and observed, that he had passed many a hard night in his time;but such another as this, he would not be bound to weather for thecommand of the whole British navy. "I have seen Davy Jones in the shapeof a blue flame, d'ye see, hopping to and fro on the sprit-sail yardarm;and I've seen your Jacks o' the Lanthorn, and Wills o' the Wisp, and manysuch spirits, both by sea and land. But to-night I've been boarded byall the devils and d--ned souls in hell, squeaking and squalling, andglimmering and glaring. Bounce went the door--crack went the pew--crashcame the tackle--white-sheeted ghosts dancing in one corner by theglow-worm's light--black devils hobbling in another--Lord have mercy uponus! and I was hailed, Tom, I was, by my grandmother Jane, and my auntBridget, d'ye see--a couple of d--n'd--but they're roasting; that's onecomfort, my lad. "

When he had thus disburdened his conscience, Sir Launcelot introducedthe subject of the new occupation at which he aspired. "I understand, "said he, "that you are desirous of treading the paths of errantry, which, I assure you, are thorny and troublesome. Nevertheless, asyour purpose is to exercise your humanity and benevolence, so yourambition is commendable. But towards the practice of chivalry, there issomething more required than the virtues of courage and generosity. Aknight-errant ought to understand the sciences, to be master of ethics ormorality, to be well versed in theology, a complete casuist, and minutelyacquainted with the laws of his country. He should not only be patientof cold, hunger, and fatigue, righteous, just, and valiant, but alsochaste, religious, temperate, polite, and conversable; and have all hispassions under the rein, except love, whose empire he should submissivelyacknowledge. " He said, this was the very essence of chivalry; and no manhad ever made such a profession of arms, without first having placed hisaffection upon some beauteous object, for whose honour, and at whosecommand, he would cheerfully encounter the most dreadful perils. 

He took notice, that nothing could be more irregular than the manner inwhich Crowe had attempted to keep his vigil. For he had never served hisnovitiate--he had not prepared himself with abstinence and prayer--he hadnot provided a qualified godfather for the ceremony of dubbing--he had noarmour of his own to wake; but, on the very threshold of chivalry, whichis the perfection of justice, had unjustly purloined the arms of anotherknight. That this was a mere mockery of a religious institution, andtherefore unpleasing in the sight of Heaven; witness the demons andhobgoblins that were permitted to disturb and torment him in his trial. 

Crowe having listened to these remarks with earnest attention, replied, after some hesitation, "I am bound to you, brother, for your kind andChristian counsel--I doubt as how I've steered by a wrong chart, d'yesee--as for the matter of the sciences, to be sure, I know Plain Sailingand Mercator; and am an indifferent good seaman, thof I say it thatshould not say it. But as to all the rest, no better than the viol-blockor the geer-capstan. Religion I han't much overhauled; and we tars laughat your polite conversation, thof, mayhap, we can chaunt a few ballads tokeep the hands awake in the night watch; then for chastity, brother, Idoubt that's not expected in a sailor just come ashore, after a longvoyage--sure all those poor hearts won't be d--ned for steering in thewake of nature. As for a sweetheart, Bet Mizen of St. Catherine's wouldfit me to a hair--she and I are old messmates; and what signifiestalking, brother, she knows already the trim of my vessel, d'ye see. " Heconcluded with saying, he thought he wa'n't too old to learn; and if SirLauncelot would take him in tow as his tender, he would stand by him allweathers, and it should not cost his consort a farthing's expense. 

The knight said, he did not think himself of consequence enough to havesuch a pupil, but should always be ready to give him his best advice; asa specimen of which, he exhorted him to weigh all the circumstances, anddeliberate calmly and leisurely, before he actually engaged in such aboisterous profession; assuring him, that if, at the end of three months, his resolution should continue, he would take upon himself the office ofhis instructor. In the meantime he gratified the hostess for hislodging, put on his armour, took leave of the company, and, mountingBronzomarte, proceeded southerly, being attended by his squire Crabshaw, grumbling, on the back of Gilbert. 

CHAPTER EIGHT

WHICH IS WITHIN A HAIR'S-BREADTH OF PROVING HIGHLY INTERESTING. 

Leaving Captain Crowe and his nephew for the present, though they, andeven the misanthrope, will reappear in due season, we are now obliged toattend the progress of the knight, who proceeded in a southerlydirection, insensible of the storm that blew, as well as of the darkness, which was horrible. For some time, Crabshaw ejaculated curses insilence; till at length his anger gave way to his fear, which waxed sostrong upon him, that he could no longer resist the desire of alleviatingit, by entering into a conversation with his master. By way ofintroduction, he gave Gilbert the spur, directing him towards the flankof Bronzomarte, which he encountered with such a shock, that the knightwas almost dismounted. 

When Sir Launcelot, with some warmth, asked the reason of this attack, the squire replied in these words: "The devil, God bless us! mun beplaying his pranks with Gilbert too, as sure as I'm a living soul--I'sewager a teaster, the foul fiend has left the seaman, and got intoGilbert, that he has--when a has passed through an ass and a horse, I'semarvel what beast a will get into next. " "Probably into a mule, " saidthe knight; "in that case, you will be in some danger--but I can, at anytime, dispossess you with a horse-whip. "--"Ay, ay, " answered Timothy, "your honour has a mortal good hand at giving a flap with a fox's tail, as the saying is--'t is a wonderment you did not try your hand on thatthere wiseacre that stole your honour's harness, and wants to be anarrant with a murrain to 'un. Lord help his fool's head, it becomes himas a sow doth a cart saddle. " "There is no guilt in infirmity, " said theknight; "I punish the vicious only. " "I would your honour would punishGilbert then, " cried the squire, "for 't is the most vicious tuoad thatever I laid a leg over--but as to that same seafaring man, what may hisdistemper be?"

"Madness, " answered Sir Launcelot. "Bodikins, " exclaimed the squire, "Idoubt as how other volks are leame of the same leg--but it an't vor suchsmall gentry as he to be mad; they mun leave that to their betters. ""You seem to hint at me, Crabshaw. Do you really think I am mad?" "Imay say as how I have looked your honour in the mouth; and a sorry dogshould I be, if I did not know your humours as well as I know e'er abeast in the steable at Greavesbury Hall. " "Since you are so wellacquainted with my madness, " said the knight, "what opinion have you ofyourself, who serve and follow a lunatic?" "I hope I han't served yourhonour for nothing, but I shall inherit some of your cast vagaries--whenyour honour is pleased to be mad, I should be very sorry to be foundright in my senses. Timothy Crabshaw will never eat the bread ofunthankfulness--it shall never be said of him, that he was wiser than hismeaster. As for the matter of following a madman, we may see yourhonour's face is made of a fiddle; every one that looks on you, lovesyou. " This compliment the knight returned, by saying, "If my face is afiddle, Crabshaw, your tongue is a fiddlestick that plays upon it--yetyour music is very disagreeable--you don't keep time. " "Nor you neither, measter, " cried Timothy, "or we shouldn't be here wandering about under acloud of night, like sheep-stealers, or evil spirits with troubledconsciences. "

Here the discourse was interrupted by a sudden disaster; in consequenceof which, the squire uttered an inarticulate roar, that startled theknight himself, who was very little subject to the sensation of fear. But his surprise was changed into vexation, when he perceived Gilbertwithout a rider passing by, and kicking his heels with great agility. Heforthwith turned his steed, and riding back a few paces, found Crabshawrising from the ground. When he asked what was become of his horse, heanswered in a whimpering tone, "Horse! would I could once see him fairlycarrion for the hounds--for my part, I believe as how 't is no horse, buta devil incarnate; and yet I've been worse mounted, that I have--I'd liketo have rid a horse that was foaled of an acorn. "

This accident happened in a hollow way, overshadowed with trees, one ofwhich the storm had blown down, so that it lay over the road, and one ofits boughs projecting horizontally, encountered the squire as he trottedalong in the dark. Chancing to hitch under his long chin, he could notdisengage himself, but hung suspended like a flitch of bacon; whileGilbert, pushing forward, left him dangling, and, by his awkward gambols, seemed to be pleased with the joke. This capricious animal was notretaken, without the personal endeavours of the knight; for Crabshawabsolutely refusing to budge a foot from his honour's side, he wasobliged to alight, and fasten Bronzomarte to a tree. Then they set outtogether, and, with some difficulty, found Gilbert with his neckstretched over a five-barred gate, snuffing up the morning air. Thesquire, however, was not remounted, without first having undergone asevere reprehension from his master, who upbraided him with hiscowardice, threatened to chastise him on the spot, and declared that hewould divorce his dastardly soul from his body, should he ever beincommoded or affronted with another instance of his basebornapprehension. 

Though there was some risk in carrying on the altercation at thisjuncture, Timothy, having bound up his jaws, could not withstand theinclination he had to confute his master. He therefore, in a mutteringaccent, protested, that, if the knight would give him leave, he shouldprove that his honour had tied a knot with his tongue, which he could notuntie with all his teeth. "How, caitiff!" cried Sir Launcelot, "presumeto contend with me in argument?" "Your mouth is scarce shut, " said theother, "since you declared that a man was not to be punished for madness, because it was a distemper. Now I will maintain that cowardice is adistemper, as well as madness; for nobody would be afraid, if he couldhelp it. " "There is more logic in that remark, " resumed the knight, "than I expected from your clod-pate, Crabshaw. But I must explain thedifference between cowardice and madness. Cowardice, though sometimesthe effect of natural imbecility, is generally a prejudice of education, or bad habit contracted from misinformation, or misapprehension; and maycertainly be cured by experience, and the exercise of reason. But thisremedy cannot be applied in madness, which is a privation or disorder ofreason itself. "

"So is cowardice, as I'm a living soul, " exclaimed the squire; "don't yousay a man is frightened out of his senses? for my peart, measter, I canneither see nor hear, much less argufy, when I'm in such a quandary. Wherefore, I do believe, odds bodikins! that cowardice and madness areboth distempers, and differ no more than the hot and cold fits of anague. When it teakes your honour, you're all heat, and fire, and fury, Lord bless us! but when it catches poor Tim, he's cold and dead-hearted, he sheakes and shivers like an aspen leaf, that he does. " "In thatcase, " answered the knight, "I shall not punish you for the distemperwhich you cannot help, but for engaging in a service exposed to perils, when you knew your own infirmity; in the same manner as a man deservespunishment, who enlists himself for a soldier, while he labours under anysecret disease. " "At that rate, " said the squire, "my bread is like tobe rarely buttered o' both sides, i'faith. But, I hope, as by theblessing of God I have run mad, so I shall in good time grow valiant, under your honour's precept and example. "

By this time a very disagreeable night was succeeded by a fair brightmorning, and a market-town appeared at the distance of three or fourmiles, when Crabshaw, having no longer the fear of hobgoblins before hiseyes, and being moreover cheered by the sight of a place where he hopedto meet with comfortable entertainment, began to talk big, to expatiateon the folly of being afraid, and finally set all danger at defiance;when all of a sudden he was presented with an opportunity of putting inpractice those new-adopted maxims. In an opening between two lanes, theyperceived a gentleman's coach stopped by two highwaymen on horseback, oneof whom advanced to reconnoitre and keep the coast clear, while the otherexacted contribution from the travellers in the coach. He who acted assentinel, no sooner saw our adventurer appearing from the lane, than herode up with a pistol in his hand, and ordered him to halt on pain ofimmediate death. 

To this peremptory mandate the knight made no other reply than charginghim with such impetuosity, that he was unhorsed in a twinkling, and laysprawling on the ground, seemingly sore bruised with his fall. SirLauncelot, commanding Timothy to alight and secure the prisoner, couchedhis lance, and rode full speed at the other highwayman, who was not alittle disturbed at sight of such an apparition. Nevertheless, he firedhis pistol without effect; and, clapping spurs to his horse, fled away atfull gallop. The knight pursued him with all the speed that Bronzomartecould exert; but the robber, being mounted on a swift hunter, kept him ata distance; and, after a chase of several miles, escaped through a woodso entangled with coppice, that Sir Launcelot thought proper to desist. He then, for the first time, recollected the situation in which he hadleft the other thief, and, remembering to have heard a female shriek, ashe passed by the coach window, resolved to return with all expedition, that he might make a proffer of his service to the lady, according to theobligation of knight-errantry. But he had lost his way; and after anhour's ride, during which he traversed many a field, and circled divershedges, he found himself in the market-town aforementioned. Here thefirst object that presented itself to his eyes was Crabshaw, on foot, surrounded by a mob, tearing his hair, stamping with his feet, androaring out in manifest distraction, "Show me the mayor! for the love ofGod, show me the mayor!--O Gilbert, Gilbert! a murrain take thee, Gilbert! sure thou wast foaled for my destruction!"

From these exclamations, and the antique dress of the squire, the people, not without reason, concluded that the poor soul had lost his wits; andthe beadle was just going to secure him, when the knight interposed, andat once attracted the whole attention of the populace. Timothy seeinghis master fell down on his knees, crying, "The thief has run away withGilbert--you may pound me into a peast, as the saying is. But now I'seas mad as your worship, I an't afeard of the divil and all his works. "Sir Launcelot desiring the beadle would forbear, was instantly obeyed bythat officer, who had no inclination to put the authority of his place incompetition with the power of such a figure, armed at all points, mountedon a fiery steed, and ready for the combat. He ordered Crabshaw toattend him to the next inn, where he alighted; then, taking him into aseparate apartment, demanded an explanation of the unconnected words hehad uttered. 

The squire was in such agitation, that, with infinite difficulty, and bydint of a thousand different questions, his master learned the adventureto this effect. Crabshaw, according to Sir Launcelot's command, hadalighted from his horse, and drawn his cutlass, in hope of intimidatingthe discomfited robber into a tame surrender, though he did not at allrelish the nature of the service. But the thief was neither so much hurtnor so tame as Timothy had imagined. He started on his feet with hispistol still in his hand; and presenting it to the squire, swore withdreadful imprecations, that he would blow his brains out in an instant. Crabshaw, unwilling to hazard the trial of this experiment, turned hisback, and fled with great precipitation; while the robber, whose horsehad run away, mounted Gilbert, and rode off across the country. It wasat this period, that two footmen, belonging to the coach, who had stayedbehind to take their morning's whet at the inn where they lodged, came upto the assistance of the ladies, armed with blunderbusses; and thecarriage proceeded, leaving Timothy alone in distraction and despair. Heknew not which way to turn, and was afraid of remaining on the spot, lestthe robbers should come back and revenge themselves upon him for thedisappointment they had undergone. In this distress, the first thoughtthat occurred was to make the best of his way to the town, and demand theassistance of the civil magistrate towards the retrieval of what he hadlost; a design which he executed in such a manner, as justly entailedupon him the imputation of lunacy. 

While Timothy stood fronting the window, and answering the interrogationsof his master, he suddenly exclaimed, "Bodikins! there's Gilbert!" andsprung into the street with incredible agility. There finding hisstrayed companion brought back by one of the footmen who attended thecoach, he imprinted a kiss on his forehead; and, hanging about his neck, with the tears in his eyes, hailed his return with the followingsalutation: "Art thou come back, my darling? ah, Gilbert, Gilbert! a pizeupon thee! thou hadst like to have been a dear Gilbert to me! how couldstthou break the heart of thy old friend, who has known thee from a colt?seven years next grass have I fed thee and bred thee; provided thee withsweet hay, delicate corn, and fresh litter, that thou mought lie warm, dry, and comfortable. Han't I currycombed thy carcass till it was assleek as a sloe, and cherished thee as the apple of mine eye? for allthat thou hast played me an hundred dog's tricks; biting, and kicking, and plunging, as if the devil was in thy body; and now thou couldst runaway with a thief, and leave me to be flayed alive by measter. Whatcanst thou say for thyself, thou cruel, hard-hearted, unchristian tuoad?"To this tender expostulation, which afforded much entertainment to theboys, Gilbert answered not one word; but seemed altogether insensible tothe caresses of Timothy, who forthwith led him into the stable. On thewhole, he seems to have been an unsocial animal; for it does not appearthat he ever contracted any degree of intimacy, even with Bronzomarte, during the whole course of their acquaintance and fellowship. On thecontrary, he has been more than once known to signify his aversion, bythrowing out behind, and other eruptive marks of contempt for thatelegant charger, who excelled him as much in personal merit, as his riderTimothy was outshone by his all-accomplished master. 

While the squire accommodated Gilbert in the stable, the knight sent forthe footman who had brought him back; and, having presented him with aliberal acknowledgment, desired to know in what manner the horse had beenretrieved. 

The stranger satisfied him in this particular, by giving him tounderstand, that the highwayman, perceiving himself pursued across thecountry, plied Gilbert so severely with whip and spur, that the animalresented the usage, and being besides, perhaps, a little struck withremorse for having left his old friend Crabshaw, suddenly halted, andstood stock still, notwithstanding all the stripes and tortures heunderwent; or if he moved at all, it was in a retrograde direction. Thethief, seeing all his endeavours ineffectual, and himself in danger ofbeing overtaken, wisely quitted his acquisition, and fled into the bosomof a neighbouring wood. 

Then the knight inquired about the situation of the lady in the coach, and offered himself as her guard and conductor; but was told that she wasalready safely lodged in the house of a gentleman at some distance fromthe road. He likewise learned that she was a person disordered in hersenses, under the care and tuition of a widow lady, her relation, andthat in a day or two they should pursue their journey northward to theplace of her habitation. 

After the footman had been some time dismissed, the knight recollectedthat he had forgot to ask the name of the person to whom he belonged; andbegan to be uneasy at this omission, which indeed was more interestingthan he could imagine. For an explanation of this nature would, in alllikelihood, have led to a discovery, that the lady in the coach was noother than Miss Aurelia Darnel, who seeing him unexpectedly in such anequipage and attitude, as he passed the coach, for his helmet was off, had screamed with surprise and terror, and fainted away. Nevertheless, when she recovered from her swoon, she concealed the real cause of heragitation, and none of her attendants were acquainted with the person ofSir Launcelot. 

The circumstances of the disorder under which she was said to labourshall be revealed in due course. In the meantime, our adventurer, thoughunaccountably affected, never dreamed of such an occurrence; but beingvery much fatigued, resolved to indemnify himself for the loss of lastnight's repose; and this happened to be one of the few things in whichCrabshaw felt an ambition to follow his master's example. 

CHAPTER NINE

WHICH MAY SERVE TO SHOW, THAT TRUE PATRIOTISM IS OF NO PARTY. 

The knight had not enjoyed his repose above two hours, when he wasdisturbed by such a variety of noises, as might have discomposed a brainof the firmest texture. The rumbling of carriages, and the rattling ofhorses' feet on the pavement, was intermingled with loud shouts, and thenoise of fiddle, French horn, and bagpipe. A loud peal was heard ringingin the church tower, at some distance, while the inn resounded withclamour, confusion, and uproar. 

Sir Launcelot being thus alarmed, started from his bed, and running tothe window, beheld a cavalcade of persons well mounted, and distinguishedby blue cockades. They were generally attired like jockies, withgold-laced hats and buckskin breeches, and one of them bore a standard ofblue silk, inscribed in white letters, LIBERTY AND THE LANDED INTEREST. He who rode at their head was a jolly figure, of a florid complexion andround belly, seemingly turned of fifty, and, in all appearance, of acholeric disposition. As they approached the market-place, they wavedtheir hats, huzzaed, and cried aloud, NO FOREIGN CONNEXIONS!--OLD ENGLANDFOR EVER! This acclamation, however, was not so loud or universal, butthat our adventurer could distinctly hear a counter-cry from the populaceof, NO SLAVERY!--NO POPISH PRETENDER! an insinuation so ill relished bythe cavaliers, that they began to ply their horsewhips among themultitude, and were, in their turn, saluted with a discharge or volley ofstones, dirt, and dead cats; in consequence of which some teeth weredemolished, and many surtouts defiled. 

Our adventurer's attention was soon called off from this scene, tocontemplate another procession of people on foot, adorned with bunches oforange ribbons, attended by a regular band of music, playing God savegreat George our King, and headed by a thin swarthy personage, of asallow aspect, and large goggling eyes, arched over with two thicksemicircles of hair, or rather bristles, jet black, and frowsy. Hisapparel was very gorgeous, though his address was very awkward; he wasaccompanied by the mayor, recorder, and heads of the corporation, intheir formalities. His ensigns were known by the inscription, Liberty ofConscience, and the Protestant Succession; and the people saluted him ashe passed with repeated cheers, that seemed to prognosticate success. Hehad particularly ingratiated himself with the good women, who lined thestreet, and sent forth many ejaculatory petitions in his favour. 

Sir Launcelot immediately comprehended the meaning of this solemnity. Heperceived it was the prelude to the election of a member to represent thecounty in parliament, and he was seized with an eager desire to know thenames and characters of the competitors. 

In order to gratify this desire, he made repeated application to thebell-rope that depended from the ceiling of his apartment; but thisproduced nothing, except the repetition of the words, "Coming, sir, "which echoed from three or four different corners of the house. Thewaiters were so distracted by a variety of calls, that they stoodmotionless, in the state of the schoolman's ass between two bundles ofhay, incapable of determining where they should first offer theirattendance. 

Our knight's patience was almost exhausted, when Crabshaw entered theroom, in a very strange equipage. One half of his face appeared closeshaved, and the other covered with lather, while the blood trickled intwo rivulets from his nose, upon a barber's cloth that was tucked underhis chin; he looked grim with indignation, and under his left arm carriedhis cutlass, unsheathed. Where he had acquired so much of the professionof knight-errantry we shall not pretend to determine; but certain it is, he fell on his knees before Sir Launcelot, crying, with an accent ofgrief and distraction, "In the name of St. George for England, I beg aboon, Sir Knight, and thy compliance I demand, before the peacock and theladies. "

Sir Launcelot, astonished at this address, replied in a lofty strain, "Valiant squire, thy boon is granted, provided it doth not contravene thelaws of the land, and the constitution of chivalry. " "Then I craveleave, " answered Crabshaw, "to challenge and defy to mortal combat thatcaitiff barber who hath left me in this piteous condition; and I vow bythe peacock, that I will not shave my beard, until I have shaved his headfrom his shoulders. So may I thrive in the occupation of an arrantsquire. "

Before his master had time to inquire into particulars, they were joinedby a decent man in boots, who was likewise a traveller, and had seen therise and progress of Timothy's disaster. He gave the knight tounderstand, that Crabshaw had sent for a barber, and already undergoneone half of the operation, when the operator received the long-expectedmessage from both the gentlemen who stood candidates at the election. The double summons was no sooner intimated to him, than he threw down hisbason, and retired with precipitation, leaving the squire in the suds. Timothy, incensed at this desertion, followed him with equal celerityinto the street, where he collared the shaver, and insisted upon beingentirely trimmed, on pain of the bastinado. The other finding himselfthus arrested, and having no time to spare for altercation, lifted up hisfist, and discharged it upon the snout of Crabshaw with such force, thatthe unfortunate aggressor was fain to bite the ground, while the victorhastened away, in hope of touching the double wages of corruption. 

The knight being informed of these circumstances, told Timothy with asmile, that he should have liberty to defy the barber; but, in themeantime, he ordered him to saddle Bronzomarte, and prepare for immediateservice. While the squire was thus employed, his master engaged inconversation with the stranger, who happened to be a London dealertravelling for orders, and was well acquainted with the particulars whichour adventurer wanted to know. 

It was from this communicative tradesman he learned, that the competitorswere Sir Valentine Quickset and Mr. Isaac Vanderpelft; the first a merefox-hunter, who depended for success in his election upon his interestamong the high-flying gentry; the other a stock jobber and contractor offoreign extract, not without a mixture of Hebrew blood, immensely rich, who was countenanced by his Grace of----, and supposed to havedistributed large sums in securing a majority of votes among the yeomanryof the county, possessed of small freeholds, and copyholders, a greatnumber of which last resided in this borough. He said these weregenerally dissenters and weavers; and that the mayor, who was himself amanufacturer, had received a very considerable order for exportation, inconsequence of which it was believed he would support Mr. Vanderpelftwith all his influence and credit. 

Sir Launcelot, roused at this intelligence, called for his armour, whichbeing buckled on in a hurry, he mounted his steed, attended by Crabshawon Gilbert, and rode immediately into the midst of the multitude by whichthe hustings were surrounded, just as Sir Valentine Quickset began toharangue the people from an occasional theatre, formed of a planksupported by the upper board of the public stocks, and an inferior rib ofa wooden cage pitched also for the accommodation of petty delinquents. 

Though the singular appearance of Sir Launcelot at first attracted theeyes of all the spectators, yet they did not fail to yield attention tothe speech of his brother-knight, Sir Valentine, which ran in thefollowing strain:--"Gentlemen vreeholders of this here county, I shan'tpretend to meake a vine flourishing speech--I'm a plain-spoken man, asyou all know. I hope I shall always speak my maind without vear orvavour, as the zaying is. 'T is the way of the Quicksets--we are noupstarts, nor vorreigners, nor have we any Jewish blood in our veins; wehave lived in this here neighbourhood time out of mind, as you all know, and possess an estate of vive thousand clear, which we spend at whoam, among you, in old English hospitality. All my vorevathers have beenparliament-men, and I can prove that ne'er a one o' um gave a zingle votefor the court since the Revolution. Vor my own peart, I value not theministry three skips of a louse, as the zaying is--I ne'er knew but oneminister that was an honest man, and vor all the rest, I care not if theywere hanged as high as Haman, with a pox to' un. I am, thank God, avree-born, true-hearted Englishman, and a loyal, thof unworthy, son ofthe Church--vor all they have done vor H----r, I'd vain know what theyhave done vor the Church, with a vengeance--vor my own peart, I hateall vorreigners and vorreign measures, whereby this poor nation isbroken-backed with a dismal load of debt, and the taxes rise so high thatthe poor cannot get bread. Gentlemen vreeholders of this county, I valueno minister a vig's end, d'ye see; if you will vavour me with your votesand interest, whereby I may be returned, I'll engage one half of myestate that I never cry yea to your shillings in the pound, but willcross the ministry in everything, as in duty bound, and as becomes anhonest vreeholder in the ould interest--but, if you sell your votes andyour country for hire, you will be detested in this here world, anddamned in the next to all eternity: so I leave every man to his ownconscience. "

This eloquent oration was received by his own friends with loud peals ofapplause, which, however, did not discourage his competitor, who, confident of his own strength, ascended the rostrum, or, in other words, an old cask, set upright for the purpose. Having bowed all round to theaudience, with a smile of gentle condescension, he told them howambitious he was of the honour to represent this county in parliament, and how happy he found himself in the encouragement of his friends, whohad so unanimously agreed to support his pretensions. He said, over andabove the qualifications he possessed among them, he had fourscorethousand pounds in his pocket, which he had acquired by commerce, thesupport of the nation, under the present happy establishment, in defenceof which he was ready to spend the last farthing. He owned himself afaithful subject to his Majesty King George, sincerely attached to theProtestant succession, in detestation and defiance of a popish, anabjured, and outlawed Pretender; and declared that he would exhaust hissubstance and his blood, if necessary, in maintaining the principles ofthe glorious Revolution. "This, " cried he, "is the solid basis andfoundation upon which I stand. "

These last words had scarce proceeded from his mouth, when the head ofthe barrel or puncheon on which he stood, being frail and infirm, gaveway, so that down he went with a crash, and in a twinkling disappearedfrom the eyes of the astonished beholders. The fox-hunters, perceivinghis disaster, exclaimed, in the phrase and accent of the chase, "Stoleaway! stole away!" and with hideous vociferation, joined in the sylvanchorus which the hunters halloo when the hounds are at fault. 

The disaster of Mr. Vanderpelft was soon repaired by the assiduity of hisfriends, who disengaged him from the barrel in a trice, hoisted him onthe shoulders of four strong weavers, and, resenting the unmannerlyexultation of their antagonists, began to form themselves in order ofbattle. 

An obstinate fray would have undoubtedly ensued, had not their mutualindignation given way to their curiosity, at the motion of our knight, who had advanced into the middle between the two fronts, and waving hishand as a signal for them to give attention, addressed himself to them, with graceful demeanour, in these words:--"Countrymen, friends, andfellow-citizens, you are this day assembled to determine a point of theutmost consequence to yourselves and your posterity; a point that oughtto be determined by far other weapons than brutal force and factiousclamour. You, the freemen of England, are the basis of that excellentconstitution which hath long flourished the object of envy andadmiration. To you belongs the inestimable privilege of choosing adelegate properly qualified to represent you in the High Court ofParliament. This is your birthright, --inherited from your ancestors, obtained by their courage, and sealed with their blood. It is not onlyyour birthright, which you should maintain in defiance of all danger, butalso a sacred trust, to be executed with the most scrupulous care andfidelity. The person whom you trust ought not only to be endued with themost inflexible integrity, but should likewise possess a fund ofknowledge that may enable him to act as a part of the legislature. Hemust be well acquainted with the history, the constitution, and the lawsof his country; he must understand the forms of business, the extent ofthe royal prerogative, the privilege of parliament, the detail ofgovernment, the nature and regulation of the finances, the differentbranches of commerce, the politics that prevail, and the connexions thatsubsist among the different powers of Europe; for on all these subjectsthe deliberations of a House of Commons occasionally turn. 

"But these great purposes will never be answered by electing anilliterate savage, scarce qualified, in point of understanding, to act asa country justice of peace, a man who has scarce ever travelled beyondthe excursion of a fox-chase, whose conversation never rambles fartherthan his stable, his kennel, and the barnyard; who rejects decorum asdegeneracy, mistakes rusticity for independence, ascertains his courageby leaping over gates and ditches, and founds his triumph on feats ofdrinking; who holds his estate by a factious tenure, professes himselfthe blind slave of a party, without knowing the principles that gave itbirth, or the motives by which it is actuated, and thinks that allpatriotism consists in railing indiscriminately at ministers, andobstinately opposing every measure of the administration. Such a man, with no evil intentions of his own, might be used as a dangerous tool inthe hands of a desperate faction, by scattering the seeds ofdisaffection, embarrassing the wheels of government, and reducing thewhole kingdom to anarchy. "

Here the knight was interrupted by the shouts and acclamations of theVanderpelfites, who cried aloud, "Hear him! hear him! long life to theiron-cased orator. " This clamour subsiding, he prosecuted his harangueto the following effect:--

"Such a man as I have described may be dangerous from ignorance, but isneither so mischievous, nor so detestable as the wretch who knowinglybetrays his trust, and sues to be the hireling and prostitute of a weakand worthless minister; a sordid knave, without honour or principle, whobelongs to no family whose example can reproach him with degeneracy, whohas no country to command his respect, no friend to engage his affection, no religion to regulate his morals, no conscience to restrain hisiniquity, and who worships no God but Mammon; an insinuating miscreant, who undertakes for the dirtiest work of the vilest administration; whopractises national usury, receiving by wholesale the rewards of venality, and distributing the wages of corruption by retail. "

In this place our adventurer's speech was drowned in the acclamations ofthe fox-hunters, who now triumphed in their turn, and hoicksed thespeaker, exclaiming, "Well opened, Jowler--to' un, to' un again, Sweetlips! hey, Merry, Whitefoot!" After a short interruption, he thusresumed his discourse:--

"When such a caitiff presents himself to you, like the devil, with atemptation in his hand, avoid him as if he were in fact the devil--it isnot the offering of disinterested love, for what should induce him, whohas no affections, to love you, to whose persons he is an utter stranger?alas! it is not a benevolence, but a bribe. He wants to buy you at onemarket that he may sell you at another. Without doubt his intention isto make an advantage of his purchase, and this aim he cannot accomplishbut by sacrificing, in some sort, your interest, your independency, tothe wicked designs of a minister, as he can expect no gratification forthe faithful discharge of his duty. But, even if he should not find anopportunity of selling you to advantage, the crime, the shame, theinfamy, will still be the same in you, who, baser than the most abandonedprostitutes, have sold yourselves and your posterity for hire--for apaltry price, to be refunded with interest by some minister, who willindemnify himself out of your own pockets; for, after all, you are boughtand sold with your own money--the miserable pittance you may now receiveis no more than a pitcher full of water thrown in to moisten the suckerof that pump which will drain you to the bottom. Let me therefore adviseand exhort you, my countrymen, to avoid the opposite extremes of theignorant clown and the designing courtier, and choose a man of honesty, intelligence, and moderation, who will"----

The doctrine of moderation was a very unpopular subject in such anassembly; and, accordingly, they rejected it as one man. They began tothink the stranger wanted to set up for himself; a supposition that couldnot fail to incense both sides equally, as they were both zealouslyengaged in their respective causes. The Whigs and the Tories joinedagainst this intruder, who, being neither, was treated like a monster, orchimera in politics. They hissed, they hooted, and they hallooed; theyannoyed him with missiles of dirt, sticks, and stones; they cursed, theythreatened and reviled, till, at length, his patience was exhausted. 

"Ungrateful and abandoned miscreants!" he cried, "I spoke to you as menand Christians--as free-born Britons and fellow-citizens; but I perceiveyou are a pack of venal, infamous scoundrels, and I will treat youaccordingly. " So saying, he brandished his lance, and riding into thethickest of the concourse, laid about him with such dexterity and effect, that the multitude was immediately dispersed, and he retired withoutfurther molestation. 

The same good fortune did not attend squire Crabshaw in his retreat. Theludicrous singularity of his features, and the half-mown crop of hairthat bristled from one side of his countenance, invited some wags to makemerry at his expense; one of them clapped a furze-bush under the tail ofGilbert, who, feeling himself thus stimulated a posteriori, kicked andplunged, and capered in such a manner, that Timothy could hardly keep thesaddle. In this commotion he lost his cap and his periwig, while therabble pelted him in such a manner, that, before he could join hismaster, he looked like a pillar, or rather a pillory of mud. 

CHAPTER TEN

WHICH SHOWETH THAT HE WHO PLAYS AT BOWLS, WILL SOMETIMES MEET WITHRUBBERS. 

Sir Launcelot, boiling with indignation at the venality and faction ofthe electors, whom he had harangued to so little purpose, retired withthe most deliberate disdain towards one of the gates of the town, on theoutside of which his curiosity was attracted by a concourse of people, inthe midst of whom stood Mr. Ferret, mounted upon a stool, with a kind ofsatchel hanging round his neck, and a phial displayed in his right hand, while he held forth to the audience in a very vehement strain ofelocution. 

Crabshaw thought himself happily delivered when he reached the suburbs, and proceeded without halting; but his master mingled with the crowd, andheard the orator express himself to this effect:--

"Very likely you may undervalue me and my medicine, because I don'tappear upon a stage of rotten boards, in a shabby velvet coat, andtie-periwig, with a foolish fellow in a motley coat, to make you laugh, by making wry faces; but I scorn to use these dirty arts for engagingyour attention. These paltry tricks, ad captandum vulgus, can have noeffect but on idiots; and if you are idiots, I don't desire you shouldbe my customers. Take notice, I don't address you in the style of amountebank, or a High German doctor; and yet the kingdom is full ofmountebanks, empirics, and quacks. We have quacks in religion, quacksin physic, quacks in law, quacks in politics, quacks in patriotism, quacks in government--High German quacks, that have blistered, sweated, bled, and purged the nation into an atrophy. But this is not all;they have not only evacuated her into a consumption, but they haveintoxicated her brain, until she is become delirious; she can no longerpursue her own interest, or, indeed, rightly distinguish it. Like thepeople of Nineveh, she can hardly tell her right hand from her left;but, as a changeling, is dazzled and delighted by an ignis fatuus, aWill-o'-the-wisp, an exhalation from the vilest materials in nature, thatleads her astray through Westphalian bogs and deserts, and will one daybreak her neck over some barren rocks, or leave her sticking in someH----n pit, or quagmire. 

"For my part, if you have a mind to betray your country, I have noobjection. In selling yourselves and your fellow-citizens, you onlydispose of a pack of rascals who deserve to be sold. If you sell oneanother, why should not I sell this here Elixir of Long Life, which, ifproperly used, will protract your days till you shall have seen yourcountry ruined. I shall not pretend to disturb your understandings, which are none of the strongest, with a hotchpotch of unintelligibleterms, such as Aristotle's four principles of generation, unformedmatter, privation, efficient, and final causes. Aristotle was a pedanticblockhead, and still more knave than fool. The same censure we maysafely put on that wiseacre, Dioscorides, with his faculties of simples--his seminal, specific, and principal virtues; and that crazy commentator, Galen, with his four elements, elementary qualities, his eightcomplexions, his harmonies and discords. Nor shall I expatiate on thealkahest of that mad scoundrel, Paracelsus, with which he pretended toreduce flints into salt; nor archaeus or spiritus rector of thatvisionary Van Helmont, his simple, elementary water, his gas, ferments, and transmutations; nor shall I enlarge upon the salt, sulphur, and oil, the acidum vagum, the mercury of metals, and the volatilised vitriol ofother modern chemists, a pack of ignorant, conceited, knavish rascals, that puzzle your weak heads with such jargon, just as a Germanisedm----r throws dust in your eyes, by lugging in and ringing the changes onthe balance of power, the Protestant religion, and your allies on thecontinent; acting like the juggler, who picks your pockets while hedazzles your eyes and amuses your fancy with twirling his fingers andreciting the gibberish of hocus pocus; for, in fact, the balance of poweris a mere chimera. As for the Protestant religion, nobody gives himselfany trouble about it; and allies on the continent, we have none, or, atleast, none that would raise an hundred men to save us from perdition, unless we paid an extravagant price for their assistance. 

"But, to return to this here Elixir of Long Life, I might embellish itwith a great many high-sounding epithets; but I disdain to follow theexample of every illiterate vagabond, that, from idleness, turns quack, and advertises his nostrum in the public papers. I am neither afelonious drysalter returned from exile, an hospital stump-turner, adecayed staymaker, a bankrupt printer, or insolvent debtor, released byact of parliament. I do not pretend to administer medicines without theleast tincture of letters, or suborn wretches to perjure themselves infalse affidavits of cures that were never performed; nor employ a set ofled captains to harangue in my praise at all public places. I was bredregularly to the profession of chemistry, and have tried all theprocesses of alchemy; and I may venture to say, that this here elixiris, in fact, the chruseon pepuromenon ek puros, the visible, glorious, spiritual body, from whence all other beings derive their existence, asproceeding from their father the sun, and their mother the moon; fromthe sun, as from a living and spiritual gold, which is mere fire;consequently, the common and universal first-created mover, from whenceall moveable things have their distinct and particular motions; and alsofrom the moon, as from the wife of the sun, and the common mother of allsublunary things. 

"And forasmuch as man is, and must be, the comprehensive end of allcreatures, and the microcosm, he is counselled in the Revelation to buygold that is thoroughly fired, or rather pure fire, that he may becomerich and like the sun; as, on the contrary, he becomes poor, when heabuses the arsenical poison; so that, his silver, by the fire, must becalcined to a caput mortuum, which happens when he will hold and retainthe menstruum, out of which he partly exists, for his own property, anddoth not daily offer up the same in the fire of the sun, that the womanmay be clothed with the sun, and become a sun, and thereby rule over themoon; that is to say, that he may get the moon under his feet. Now, thishere elixir, sold for no more than sixpence a phial, contains the essenceof the alkahest, the archaeus, the catholicon, the menstruum, the sun, the moon, and, to sum up all in one word, is the true, genuine, unadulterated, unchangeable, immaculate, and specific chruseonpepuromenon ek puros. "

The audience were variously affected by this learned oration. Some ofthose who favoured the pretensions of the Whig candidate, were ofopinion, that he ought to be punished for his presumption, in reflectingso scurrilously on ministers and measures. Of this sentiment was ouradventurer, though he could not help admiring the courage of the orator, and owning within himself, that he had mixed some melancholy truths withhis scurrility. 

Mr. Ferret would not have stood so long in his rostrum unmolested, hadnot he cunningly chosen his station immediately without the jurisdictionof the town, whose magistrates therefore could not take cognisance of hisconduct; but application was made to the constable of the other parish, while our nostrum-monger proceeded in his speech, the conclusion of whichproduced such an effect upon his hearers, that his whole cargo wasimmediately exhausted. He had just stepped down from his stool, when theconstable with his staff arrived, and took him under his guidance. Mr. Ferret, on this occasion, attempted to interest the people in his behalf, by exhorting them to vindicate the liberty of the subject against such anact of oppression; but finding them deaf to the tropes and figures of hiselocution, he addressed himself to our knight, reminding him of his dutyto protect the helpless and the injured, and earnestly soliciting hisinterposition. 

Sir Launcelot, without making the least reply to his entreaties, resolvedto see the end of this adventure; and, being joined by his squire, followed the prisoner at a distance, measuring back the ground he hadtravelled the day before, until he reached another small borough, whereFerret was housed in the common prison. 

While he sat a-horseback, deliberating on the next step he should take, he was accosted by the voice of Tom Clarke, who called, in a whimperingtone, through a window grated with iron, "For the love of God, SirLauncelot, do, dear sir, be so good as to take the trouble to alight, andcome upstairs; I have something to communicate, of consequence to thecommunity in general, and you in particular. Pray do, dear Sir Knight. I beg a boon in the name of St. Michael and St. George for England. "

Our adventurer, not a little surprised at this address, dismountedwithout hesitation, and, being admitted to the common jail, there foundnot only his old friend Tom, but also the uncle, sitting on a bench, witha woollen night-cap on his head, and a pair of spectacles on his nose, reading very earnestly in a book, which he afterwards understood wasentitled, The Life and Adventures of Valentine and Orson. The captain nosooner saw his great pattern enter, than he rose, and received him withthe salutation of, "What cheer, brother?" and before the knight couldanswer, added these words: "You see how the land lies--here have Tom andI been fast ashore these four-and-twenty hours; and this berth we havegot by attempting to tow your galley, brother, from the enemy's harbour. Adds bobs! if we had this here fellow w---eson for a consort, with allour tackle in order, brother, we'd soon show 'em the topsail, slip ourcable, and down with their barricadoes. But, howsomever, it don'tsignify talking--patience is a good stream-anchor, and will hold, as thesaying is--but, d--n my--as for the matter of my boltsprit. --Harkye, harkye, brother, d--ned hard to engage with three at a time, one upon mybow, one upon my quarter, and one right a-head, rubbing and drubbing, lying athwart hawse, raking fore and aft, battering and grappling, andlashing and clashing--adds heart, brother; crash went the bolt-sprit--down came the round-top--up with the deadlights--I saw nothing but thestars at noon, lost the helm of my seven senses, and down I broached uponmy broadside. "

As Mr. Clarke rightly conceived that his uncle would need an interpreter, he began to explain these hints, by giving a circumstantial detail of hisown and the captain's disaster. 

He told Sir Launcelot, that, notwithstanding all his persuasion andremonstrances, Captain Crowe insisted upon appearing in the character ofa knight errant; and, with that view, had set out from the public-houseon the morning that succeeded his vigil in the church. That upon thehighway they had met with a coach, containing two ladies, one of whomseemed to be under great agitation; for, as they passed, she struggledwith the other, thrust out her head at the window, and said somethingwhich he could not distinctly hear. That Captain Crowe was struck withadmiration of her unequalled beauty; and he, Tom, no sooner informed himwho she was, than he resolved to set her at liberty, on the suppositionthat she was under restraint, and in distress. That he accordinglyunsheathed his cutlass, and, riding after the coach, commanded the driverto bring to, on pain of death. That one of the servants, believing thecaptain to be a highwayman, presented a blunderbuss, and in allprobability would have shot him on the spot, had not he, the nephew, rodeup, and assured them the gentleman was non compos. That, notwithstandinghis intimation, all the three attacked him with the butt-ends of theirhorsewhips, while the coach drove on, and although he laid about him withgreat fury, at last brought him to the ground, by a stroke on the temple. That Mr. Clarke himself then interposed in defence of his kinsman, andwas also severely beaten. That two of the servants, upon application toa justice of the peace, residing near the field of battle, had granted awarrant against the captain and his nephew, and, without examination, committed them as idle vagrants, after having seized their horses andtheir money, on pretence of their being suspected for highwaymen. 

"But, as there was no just cause of suspicion, " added he, "I am ofopinion, the justice is guilty of a trespass, and may be sued for falsumimprisonamentum, and considerable damages obtained; for you will pleaseto observe, sir, no justice has a right to commit any person till afterdue examination; besides, we were not committed for an assault andbattery, audita querela, nor as wandering lunatics by the statute, who, to be sure, may be apprehended by a justice's warrant, and locked up andchained, if necessary, or to be sent to their last legal settlement; butwe were committed as vagrants and suspected highwaymen. Now we do notfall under the description of vagrants; nor did any circumstance appearto support the suspicion of robbery; for, to constitute robbery, theremust be something taken; but here nothing was taken but blows, and theywere upon compulsion. Even an attempt to rob, without any taking, is notfelony, but a misdemeanour. To be sure, there is a taking in deed, and ataking in law. But still the robber must be in possession of a thingstolen; and we attempted to steal ourselves away. My uncle, indeed, would have released the young lady vi et armis, had his strength beenequal to his inclination; and in so doing, I would have willingly lent myassistance, both from a desire to serve such a beautiful young creature, and also in regard to your honour, for I thought I heard her call uponyour name. "

"Ha! how! what! whose name? say, speak--Heaven and earth!" cried theknight, with marks of the most violent emotion. --Clarke, terrified at hislooks, replied, "I beg your pardon a thousand times; I did not saypositively she did speak those words; but I apprehended she did speakthem. Words, which may be taken or interpreted by law in a general orcommon sense, ought not to receive a strained or unusual construction;and ambiguous words"--"Speak, or be dumb for ever!" exclaimed SirLauncelot, in a terrific tone, laying his hand on his sword. "What younglady, ha? What name did she call upon?"--Clarke, falling on his knees, answered, not without stammering, "Miss Aurelia Darnel; to the best of myrecollection, she called upon Sir Launcelot Greaves. "--"Sacred powers!"cried our adventurer, "which way did the carriage proceed?"

When Tom told him that the coach quitted the post-road, and struck away tothe right at full speed, Sir Launcelot was seized with a pensive fit; hishead sunk upon his breast, and he mused in silence for several minutes, with the most melancholy expression on his countenance; then recollectinghimself, he assumed a more composed and cheerful air, and asked severalquestions with respect to the arms on the coach, and the liveries worn bythe servants? It was in the course of this interrogation, that hediscovered he had actually conversed with one of the footmen, who hadbrought back Crabshaw's horse. A circumstance that filled him withanxiety and chagrin, as he had omitted to inquire the name of his master, and the place to which the coach was travelling; though, in allprobability, had he made these inquiries, he would have received verylittle satisfaction, there being reason to think the servants wereenjoined secrecy. 

The knight, in order to meditate on this unexpected adventure, sat downby his old friend, and entered into a reverie, which lasted about aquarter of an hour, and might have continued longer had it not beeninterrupted by the voice of Crabshaw, who bawled aloud, "Look to it, mymasters--as you brew you must drink--this shall be a dear day's work tosome of you; for my part, I say nothing--the braying ass eats littlegrass--one barber shaves not so close, but another finds a few stubble--you wanted to catch a capon, and you've stole a cat--he that takes up hislodgings in a stable, must be contented to lie upon litter. "

The knight, desirous of knowing the cause that prompted Timothy toapothegmatise in this manner, looked through the grate, and perceived thesquire fairly set in the stocks, surrounded by a mob of people. When hecalled to him, and asked the reason of this disgraceful restraint, Crabshaw replied, "There's no cake, but there's another of the same make--who never climbed, never fell--after clouds comes clear weather. 'T isall along of your honour, I've met with this preferment; no deservings ofmy own, but the interest of my master. Sir Knight, if you will slay thejustice, hang the constable, release your squire, and burn the town, yourname will be famous in story; but, if you are content, I am thankful. Two hours are soon spent in such good company; in the meantime, look to'un, jailor, there's a frog in the stocks. "

Sir Launcelot, incensed at this affront offered to his servant, advancedto the prison door, but found it fast locked; and when he called to theturnkey, he was given to understand, that he himself was prisoner. Enraged at this intimation, he demanded at whose suit, and was answeredthrough the wicket, "At the suit of the King, in whose name I will holdyou fast, with God's assistance. "

The knight's looks now began to lighten; he rolled his eyes around; andsnatching up an oaken bench, which three ordinary men could scarce havelifted from the ground, he, in all likelihood, would have shattered thedoor in pieces, had not he been restrained by the interposition of Mr. Clarke, who entreated him to have a little patience, assuring him hewould suggest a plan that would avenge himself amply on the justice, without any breach of the peace. "I say the justice, " added Tom, "because it must be his doing. He is a little petulant sort of a fellow, ignorant of the law, guilty of numberless irregularities, and if properlymanaged, may, for this here act of arbitrary power, be not only cast in aswingeing sum, but even turned out of the commission with disgrace. "

This was a very seasonable hint, in consequence of which the bench wassoftly replaced, and Captain Crowe deposited the poker, with which he hadarmed himself, to second the efforts of Sir Launcelot. They now, for thefirst time, perceived that Ferret had disappeared; and, upon inquiry, found that he was in fact the occasion of the knight's detention and thesquire's disgrace. 

CHAPTER ELEVEN

DESCRIPTION OF A MODERN MAGISTRATE. 

Before the knight would take any resolution for extricating himself fromhis present embarrassment, he desired to be better acquainted with thecharacter and circumstances of the justice by whom he had been confined, and likewise to understand the meaning of his own detention. To beinformed in this last particular, he renewed his dialogue with theturnkey, who told him through the grate, that Ferret no sooner perceivedhim in the jail without his offensive arms, which he had left below, thanhe desired to be carried before the justice, where he had giveninformation against the knight, as a violator of the public peace, whostrolled about the country with unlawful arms, rendering the highwaysunsafe, encroaching upon the freedom of elections, putting his majesty'sliege subjects in fear of their lives, and, in all probability, harbouring more dangerous designs under an affected cloak of lunacy. Ferret, upon this information, had been released, and entertained as anevidence for the King; and Crabshaw was put into the stocks, as an idlestroller. 

Sir Launcelot, being satisfied in these particulars, addressed himself tohis fellow-prisoners, and begged they would communicate what they knewrespecting the worthy magistrate, who had been so premature in theexecution of his office. This request was no sooner signified, than acrew of naked wretches crowded around him, and, like a congregation ofrooks, opened their throats all at once, in accusation of Justice Gobble. The knight was moved at this scene, which he could not help comparing, inhis own mind, to what would appear upon a much more awful occasion, whenthe cries of the widow and the orphan, the injured and oppressed, wouldbe uttered at the tribunal of an unerring Judge, against the villanousand insolent authors of their calamity. 

When he had, with some difficulty, quieted their clamours, and confinedhis interrogation to one person of a tolerably decent appearance, helearned, that Justice Gobble, whose father was a tailor, had for sometime served as a journeyman hosier in London, where he had picked up somelaw terms, by conversing with hackney writers and attorneys' clerks ofthe lowest order; that, upon the death of his master, he had insinuatedhimself into the good graces of the widow, who took him for her husband, so that he became a person of some consideration, and saved money apace;that his pride, increasing with his substance, was reinforced by thevanity of his wife, who persuaded him to retire from business, that theymight live genteelly in the country; that his father dying, and leaving acouple of houses in this town, Mr. Gobble had come down with his lady totake possession, and liked the place so well, as to make a moreconsiderable purchase in the neighbourhood; that a certain peer beingindebted to him in the large way of his business, and either unable orunwilling to pay the money, had compounded the debt, by inserting hisname in the commission; since which period his own insolence, and hiswife's ostentation, had exceeded all bounds; that, in the execution ofhis authority, he had committed a thousand acts of cruelty and injusticeagainst the poorer sort of people, who were unable to call him to aproper account; that his wife domineered with a more ridiculous, thoughless pernicious usurpation, among the females of the place; that, in aword, she was the subject of continual mirth, and he the object ofuniversal detestation. 

Our adventurer, though extremely well disposed to believe what was saidto the prejudice of Gobble, would not give entire credit to thisdescription, without first inquiring into the particulars of his conduct. He therefore asked the speaker, what was the cause of his particularcomplaint. "For my own part, sir, " said he, "I lived in repute, and kepta shop in this here town, well furnished with a great variety ofarticles. All the people in the place were my customers; but what I andmany others chiefly depended upon, was the extraordinary sale at twoannual customary fairs, to which all the country people in theneighbourhood resorted to lay out their money. I had employed all mystock, and even engaged my credit, to procure a large assortment of goodsfor the Lammas market; but, having given my vote in the election of avestry-clerk, contrary to the interest of Justice Gobble, he resolved towork my ruin. He suppressed the annual fairs, by which a great manypeople, especially publicans, earned the best part of their subsistence. The country people resorted to another town. I was overstocked with aload of perishable commodities, and found myself deprived of the bestpart of my home customers, by the ill-nature and revenge of the justice, who employed all his influence among the common people, making use ofthreats and promises, to make them desert my shop, and give their customto another person, whom he settled in the same business under my nose. Being thus disabled from making punctual payments, my commoditiesspoiling, and my wife breaking her heart, I grew negligent and careless, took to drinking, and my affairs went to wreck. Being one day in liquor, and provoked by the fleers and taunts of the man who had set up againstme, I struck him at his own door; upon which I was carried before thejustice, who treated me with such insolence, that I became desperate, andnot only abused him in the execution of his office, but also made anattempt to lay violent hands upon his person. You know, sir, when a manis both drunk and desperate, he cannot be supposed to have any command ofhimself. I was sent hither to jail. My creditors immediately seized myeffects; and, as they were not sufficient to discharge my debts, astatute of bankruptcy was taken out against me; so that here I must lie, until they think proper to sign my certificate, or the parliament shallplease to pass an act for the relief of insolvent debtors. "

The next person who presented himself in the crowd of accusers was ameagre figure, with a green apron, who told the knight that he had kept apublic-house in town for a dozen years, and enjoyed a good trade, whichwas in a great measure owing to a skittle-ground, in which the bestpeople of the place diverted themselves occasionally. That JusticeGobble, being disobliged at his refusing to part with a gelding which hehad bred for his own use, first of all shut up the skittle-ground; but, finding the publican still kept his house open, he took care that heshould be deprived of his licence, on pretence that the number ofale-houses was too great, and that this man had been bred to anotheremployment. The poor publican being thus deprived of his bread, wasobliged to try the staymaking business, to which he had served anapprenticeship; but being very ill qualified for this profession, he soonfell to decay and contracted debts, in consequence of which he was now inprison, where he had no other support but what arose from the labour ofhis wife, who had gone to service. 

The next prisoner who preferred his complaint against the unrighteousjudge was a poacher, at whose practices Justice Gobble had for some yearsconnived, so as even to screen him from punishment, in consideration ofbeing supplied with game gratis, till at length he was disappointed byaccident. His lady had invited guests to an entertainment, and bespoke ahare, which the poacher undertook to furnish. He laid his snaresaccordingly overnight, but they were discovered, and taken away by thegamekeeper of the gentleman to whom the ground belonged. All the excusesthe poacher could make proved ineffectual in appeasing the resentment ofthe justice and his wife at being thus disconcerted. Measures were takento detect the delinquent in the exercise of his illicit occupation; hewas committed to safe custody, and his wife, with five bantlings, waspassed to her husband's settlement in a different part of the country. 

A stout squat fellow, rattling with chains, had just taken up the ball ofaccusation, when Sir Launcelot was startled with the appearance of awoman, whose looks and equipage indicated the most piteous distress. Sheseemed to be turned of the middle age, was of a lofty carriage, tall, thin, weather-beaten, and wretchedly attired; her eyes were inflamed withweeping, and her looks displayed that wildness and peculiarity whichdenote distraction. Advancing to Sir Launcelot, she fell upon her knees, and, clasping her hands together, uttered the following rhapsody in themost vehement tone of affliction:--

"Thrice potent, generous, and august emperor; here let my knees cleave tothe earth, until thou shalt do me justice on that inhuman caitiff Gobble. Let him disgorge my substance which he hath devoured; let him restore tomy widowed arms my child, my boy, the delight of my eyes, the prop of mylife, the staff of my sustenance, whom he hath torn from my embrace, stolen, betrayed, sent into captivity, and murdered! Behold thesebleeding wounds upon his lovely breast! see how they mangle his lifelesscorse! Horror! give me my child, barbarians! his head shall lie upon hisSuky's bosom--she will embalm him with her tears. Ha! plunge him in thedeep!--shall my boy then float in a watery tomb? Justice, most mightyemperor! justice upon the villain who hath ruined us all! May Heaven'sdreadful vengeance overtake him! may the keen storm of adversity striphim of all his leaves and fruit! may peace forsake his mind, and rest bebanished from his pillow, so that all his days shall be filled withreproach and sorrow, and all his nights be haunted with horror andremorse! may he be stung by jealousy without cause, and maddened byrevenge without the means of execution! may all his offspring be blightedand consumed, like the mildewed ears of corn, except one that shall growup to curse his old age, and bring his hoary head with sorrow to thegrave, as he himself has proved a curse to me and mine!"

The rest of the prisoners, perceiving the knight extremely shocked at hermisery and horrid imprecation, removed her by force from his presence, and conveyed her to another room; while our adventurer underwent aviolent agitation, and could not for some minutes compose himself so wellas to inquire into the nature of this wretched creature's calamity. 

The shopkeeper, of whom he demanded this satisfaction, gave him tounderstand that she was born a gentlewoman, and had been well educated;that she married a curate, who did not long survive his nuptials, andafterwards became the wife of one Oakley, a farmer in opulentcircumstances. That after twenty years' cohabitation with her husband, he sustained such losses by the distemper among the cattle, as he couldnot repair; and that this reverse of fortune was supposed to havehastened his death. That the widow, being a woman of spirit, determinedto keep up and manage the farm, with the assistance of an only son, avery promising youth, who was already contracted in marriage with thedaughter of another wealthy farmer. Thus the mother had a prospect ofretrieving the affairs of her family, when all her hopes were dashed anddestroyed by a ridiculous pique which Mrs. Gobble conceived against theyoung farmer's sweetheart, Mrs. Susan Sedgemoor. 

This young woman chancing to be at a country assembly, where thegravedigger of the parish acted as master of the ceremonies, was calledout to dance before Miss Gobble, who happened to be there present alsowith her mother. The circumstance was construed into an unpardonableaffront by the justice's lady, who abused the director in the mostopprobrious terms for his insolence and ill manners; and retiring in astorm of passion, vowed revenge against the saucy minx who had presumedto vie in gentility with Miss Gobble. The justice entered into herresentment. The gravedigger lost his place; and Suky's lover, youngOakley, was pressed for a soldier. Before his mother could take anysteps for his discharge, he was hurried away to the East Indies, by theindustry and contrivance of the justice. Poor Suky wept and pined untilshe fell into a consumption. The forlorn widow, being thus deprived ofher son, was overwhelmed with grief to such a degree, that she could nolonger manage her concerns. Everything went backwards; she ran inarrears with her landlord; and the prospect of bankruptcy aggravated heraffliction, while it added to her incapacity. In the midst of thesedisastrous circumstances, news arrived that her son Greaves had lost hislife in a sea engagement with the enemy; and these tidings almostinstantly deprived her of reason. Then the landlord seized for his rent, and she was arrested at the suit of Justice Gobble, who had bought up oneof her debts in order to distress her, and now pretended that her madnesswas feigned. 

When the name of Greaves was mentioned, our adventurer started andchanged colour; and, now the story was ended, asked, with marks of eageremotion, if the name of the woman's first husband was not Wilford. Whenthe prisoner answered in the affirmative, he rose up, and striking hisbreast, "Good heaven!" cried he, "the very woman who watched over myinfancy, and even nourished me with her milk! She was my mother's humblefriend. Alas! poor Dorothy! how would your old mistress grieve to seeher favourite in this miserable condition. " While he pronounced thesewords, to the astonishment of the hearers, a tear stole softly down eachcheek. Then he desired to know if the poor lunatic had any intervals ofreason; and was given to understand that she was always quiet, andgenerally supposed to have the use of her senses, except when she wasdisturbed by some extraordinary noise, or when any person touched uponher misfortune, or mentioned the name of her oppressor, in all whichcases she started out into extravagance and frenzy. They likewiseimputed great part of the disorder to the want of quiet, proper food, andnecessaries, with which she was but poorly supplied by the cold hand ofchance charity. Our adventurer was exceedingly affected by the distressof this woman, whom he resolved to relieve; and in proportion as hiscommiseration was excited, his resentment rose against the miscreant, whoseemed to have insinuated himself into the commission of the peace onpurpose to harass and oppress his fellow-creatures. 

Thus animated, he entered into consultation with Mr. Thomas Clarkeconcerning the steps he should take, first for their deliverance, andthen for prosecuting and punishing the justice. In result of thisconference, the knight called aloud for the jailor, and demanded to see acopy of his commitment, that he might know the cause of his imprisonment, and offer bail; or, in case that he should be refused, move for a writ ofHabeas Corpus. The jailor told him the copy of the writ should beforthcoming. But after he had waited some time, and repeated the demandbefore witnesses, it was not yet produced. Mr. Clarke then, in a solemntone, gave the jailor to understand, that an officer refusing to delivera true copy of the commitment warrant was liable to the forfeiture of onehundred pounds for the first offence, and for the second to a forfeitureof twice that sum, besides being disabled from executing his office. 

Indeed, it was no easy matter to comply with Sir Launcelot's demand; forno warrant had been granted, nor was it now in the power of the justiceto remedy this defect, as Mr. Ferret had taken himself away privately, without having communicated the name and designation of the prisoner. Acircumstance the more mortifying to the jailor, as he perceived theextraordinary respect which Mr. Clarke and the captain paid to theknight, and was now fully convinced that he would be dealt with accordingto law. Disordered with these reflections, he imparted them to thejustice, who had in vain caused search to be made for Ferret, and was nowextremely well inclined to set the knight and his friends at liberty, though he did not at all suspect the quality and importance of ouradventurer. He could not, however, resist the temptation of displayingthe authority of his office, and therefore ordered the prisoners to bebrought before his tribunal, that, in the capacity of a magistrate, hemight give them a severe reproof, and proper caution with respect totheir future behaviour. 

They were accordingly led through the street in procession, guarded bythe constable and his gang, followed by Crabshaw, who had by this timebeen released from the stocks, and surrounded by a crowd of people, attracted by curiosity. When they arrived at the justice's house, theywere detained for some time in the passage; then a voice was heard, commanding the constable to bring in the prisoners, and they wereintroduced to the hall of audience, where Mr. Gobble sat in judgment, with a crimson velvet night-cap on his head; and on his right handappeared his lady, puffed up with the pride and insolence of herhusband's office, fat, frouzy, and not over-clean, well stricken inyears, without the least vestige of an agreeable feature, having arubicund nose, ferret eyes, and imperious aspect. The justice himselfwas a little, affected, pert prig, who endeavoured to solemnise hiscountenance by assuming an air of consequence, in which pride, impudence, and folly were strangely blended. He aspired at nothing so much as thecharacter of an able spokesman; and took all opportunities of holdingforth at vestry and quarter sessions, as well as in the administration ofhis office in private. He would not, therefore, let slip this occasionof exciting the admiration of his hearers, and, in an authoritative tone, thus addressed our adventurer:--

"The laws of this land has provided--I says as how provision is made bythe laws of this here land, in reverence to delinquems and malefactors, whereby the king's peace is upholden by we magistrates, who representshis majesty's person, better than in e'er a contagious nation under thesun; but, howsomever, that there king's peace, and this here magistrate'sauthority cannot be adequably and identically upheld, if so be as howcriminals escapes unpunished. Now, friend, you must be confidentious inyour own mind, as you are a notorious criminal, who have trespassed againthe laws on divers occasions and importunities; if I had a mind toexercise the rigour of the law, according to the authority wherewith I amwested, you and your companions in iniquity would be sewerely punished bythe statue; but we magistrates has a power to litigate the sewerity ofjustice, and so I am contented that you should be mercifully dealtwithal, and even dismissed. "

To this harangue the knight replied, with a solemn and deliberate accent, "If I understand your meaning aright, I am accused of being a notoriouscriminal; but nevertheless you are contented to let me escape withimpunity. If I am a notorious criminal, it is the duty of you, as amagistrate, to bring me to condign punishment; and if you allow acriminal to escape unpunished, you are not only unworthy of a place inthe commission, but become accessory to his guilt, and, to all intentsand purposes, socius criminis. With respect to your proffered mercy, Ishall decline the favour; nor do I deserve any indulgence at your hands, for, depend upon it, I shall show no mercy to you in the steps I intendto take for bringing you to justice. I understand that you have beenlong hackneyed in the ways of oppression, and I have seen some livingmonuments of your inhumanity--of that hereafter. I myself have beendetained in prison, without cause assigned. I have been treated withindignity, and insulted by jailors and constables; led through thestreets like a felon, as a spectacle to the multitude; obliged to danceattendance in your passage, and afterwards branded with the name ofnotorious criminal. --I now demand to see the information in consequenceof which I was detained in prison, the copy of the warrant of commitmentor detainer, and the face of the person by whom I was accused. I insistupon a compliance with these demands, as the privileges of a Britishsubject; and if it is refused, I shall seek redress before a highertribunal. "

The justice seemed to be not a little disturbed at this peremptorydeclaration; which, however, had no other effect upon his wife, but thatof enraging her choler, and inflaming her countenance. "Sirrah! sirrah!"cried she, "do you dares to insult a worshipful magistrate on the bench?--Can you deny that you are a vagram, and a dilatory sort of a person?Han't the man with the satchel made an affidavy of it?--If I was myhusband, I'd lay you fast by the heels for your resumption, and ferk youwith a priminery into the bargain, unless you could give a better accountof yourself--I would. "

Gobble, encouraged by this fillip, resumed his petulance, and proceededin this manner:--"Hark ye, friend, I might, as Mrs. Gobble very justlyobserves, trounce you for your audacious behaviour; but I scorn to takesuch advantages. Howsomever, I shall make you give an account ofyourself and your companions; for I believes as how you are in a gang, and all in a story, and perhaps you may be found one day in a cord. --Whatare you, friend? What is your station and degree?"--"I am a gentleman, "replied the knight. --"Ay, that is English for a sorry fellow, " said thejustice. "Every idle vagabond, who has neither home nor habitation, trade nor profession, designs himself a gentleman. But I must know howyou live?"--"Upon my means. "--"What are your means?"--"My estate. ""Whence does it arise?"--"From inheritance. "--"Your estate lies in brass, and that you have inherited from nature; but do you inherit lands andtenements?"--"Yes. "--"But they are neither here nor there, I doubt. Come, come, friend, I shall bring you about presently. " Here theexamination was interrupted by the arrival of Mr. Fillet the surgeon, whochancing to pass, and seeing a crowd about the door, went in to satisfyhis curiosity. 

CHAPTER TWELVE

WHICH SHOWS THERE ARE MORE WAYS TO KILL A DOG THAN HANGING. 

Mr. Fillet no sooner appeared in the judgment-chamber of Justice Gobble, than Captain Crowe, seizing him by the hand, exclaimed, "Body o' me!Doctor, thou'rt come up in the nick of time to lend us a hand in puttingabout. --We're a little in the stays here--but howsomever we've got a goodpilot, who knows the coast; and can weather the point, as the saying is. As for the enemy's vessel, she has had a shot or two already athwart herforefoot; the next, I do suppose, will strike the hull, and then you willsee her taken all a-back. " The doctor, who perfectly understood hisdialect, assured him he might depend upon his assistance; and, advancingto the knight, accosted him in these words: "Sir Launcelot Greaves, yourmost humble servant--when I saw a crowd at the door, I little thought offinding you within, treated with such indignity--yet I can't help beingpleased with an opportunity of proving the esteem and veneration I havefor your person and character. --You will do me particular pleasure incommanding my best services. "

Our adventurer thanked him for this instance of his friendship, which hetold him he would use without hesitation; and desired he would procureimmediate bail for him and his two friends, who had been imprisonedcontrary to law, without any cause assigned. 

During this short dialogue, the justice, who had heard of Sir Launcelot'sfamily and fortune, though an utter stranger to his person, was seizedwith such pangs of terror and compunction, as a grovelling mind may besupposed to have felt in such circumstances; and they seemed to producethe same unsavoury effects that are so humorously delineated by theinimitable Hogarth, in his print of Felix on his tribunal, done in theDutch style. Nevertheless, seeing Fillet retire to execute the knight'scommands, he recollected himself so far as to tell the prisoners, therewas no occasion to give themselves any farther trouble, for he wouldrelease them without bail or mainprise. Then discarding all theinsolence from his features, and assuming an aspect of the most humbleadulation, he begged the knight ten thousand pardons for the freedoms hehad taken, which were entirely owing to his ignorance of Sir Launcelot'squality. 

"Yes, I'll assure you, sir, " said the wife, "my husband would have bitoff his tongue rather than say black is the white of your eye, if so behe had known your capacity. --Thank God, we have been used to deal withgentlefolks, and many's the good pound we have lost by them; but what ofthat? Sure we know how to behave to our betters. Mr. Gobble, thanks beto God, can defy the whole world to prove that he ever said an uncivilword, or did a rude thing to a gentleman, knowing him to be a person offortune. Indeed, as to your poor gentry and riffraff, your tag-rag andbob-tail, or such vulgar scoundrelly people, he has always behaved like amagistrate, and treated them with the rigger of authority. "--"In otherwords, " said the knight, "he has tyrannised over the poor, and connivedat the vices of the rich. Your husband is little obliged to you for thisconfession, woman. "--"Woman!" cried Mrs. Gobble, impurpled with wrath, and fixing her hands on her sides by way of defiance, "I scorn yourwords. --Marry come up! woman, quotha! no more a woman than your worship. "Then bursting into tears, "Husband, " continued she, "if you had the soulof a louse, you would not suffer me to be abused at this rate; you wouldnot sit still on the bench, and hear your spouse called such contemptibleepitaphs. --Who cares for his title and his knightship? You and I, husband, knew a tailor that was made a knight; but thank God, I havenoblemen to stand by me with their privileges and beroguetifs. "

At this instant Mr. Fillet returned with his friend, a practitioner inthe law, who freely offered to join in bailing our adventurer, and theother two prisoners, for any sum that should be required. The justiceperceiving the affair began to grow more and more serious, declared thathe would discharge the warrants and dismiss the prisoners. 

Here Mr. Clarke interposing, observed, that against the knight no warranthad been granted, nor any information sworn to; consequently, as thejustice had not complied with the form of proceeding directed by statute, the imprisonment was coram non judice, void. "Right, sir, " said theother lawyer; "if a justice commits a felon for trial without bindingover the prosecutor to the assizes, he shall be fined. "--"And again, "cried Clarke, "if a justice issues a warrant for commitment, where thereis no accusation, action will lie against the justice. " "Moreover, "replied the stranger, "if a justice of peace is guilty of anymisdemeanour in his office, information lies against him in Banco Regis, where he shall be punished by fine and imprisonment" "And, besides, "resumed the accurate Tom, "the same court will grant an informationagainst a justice of peace, on motion, for sending even a servant to thehouse of correction or common jail without sufficient cause. "--"True!"exclaimed the other limb of the law, "and, for contempt of the law, attachment may be had against justices of peace in Banco Regis. Ajustice of the peace was fined a thousand marks for corrupt practices. "

With these words, advancing to Mr. Clarke, he shook him by the hand, withthe appellation of brother, saying, "I doubt the justice has got into acursed hovel. " Mr. Gobble himself seemed to be of the same opinion. Hechanged colour several times during the remarks which the lawyers hadmade; and now, declaring that the gentlemen were at liberty, begged, inthe most humble phrase, that the company would eat a bit of mutton withhim, and after dinner the affair might be amicably compromised. 

To this proposal our adventurer replied, in a grave and resolute tone, "If your acting in the commission as a justice of the peace concerned myown particular only, perhaps I should waive any further inquiry, andresent your insolence no other way but by silent contempt. If I thoughtthe errors of your administration proceeded from a good intention, defeated by want of understanding, I should pity your ignorance, and, incompassion, advise you to desist from acting a part for which you are soill qualified; but the preposterous conduct of such a man deeply affectsthe interest of the community, especially that part of it, which, fromits helpless situation, is the more entitled to your protection andassistance. I am, moreover, convinced that your misconduct is not somuch the consequence of an uninformed head, as the poisonous issue of amalignant heart, devoid of humanity, inflamed with pride, and ranklingwith revenge. The common prison of this little town is filled with themiserable objects of your cruelty and oppression. Instead of protectingthe helpless, restraining the hands of violence, preserving the publictranquillity, and acting as a father to the poor, according to the intentand meaning of that institution of which you are an unworthy member, youhave distressed the widow and the orphan, given a loose to all theinsolence of office, embroiled your neighbours by fomenting suits andanimosities, and played the tyrant among the indigent and forlorn. Youhave abused the authority with which you were invested, entailed areproach upon your office, and, instead of being revered as a blessing, you are detested as a curse among your fellow-creatures. This indeed isgenerally the case of low fellows, who are thrust into the magistracywithout sentiment, education, or capacity. 

"Among other instances of your iniquity, there is now in prison anunhappy woman, infinitely your superior in the advantages of birth, sense, and education, whom you have, even without provocation, persecutedto ruin and distraction, after having illegally and inhumanly kidnappedher only child, and exposed him to a violent death in a foreign land. Ah, caitiff! if you were to forego all the comforts of life, distributeyour means among the poor, and do the severest penance that everpriestcraft prescribed for the rest of your days, you could not atone forthe ruin of that hapless family; a family through whose sides you cruellyand perfidiously stabbed the heart of an innocent young woman, to gratifythe pride and diabolical malice of that wretched lowbred woman, who nowsits at your right hand as the associate of power and presumption. Oh!if such a despicable reptile shall annoy mankind with impunity, if such acontemptible miscreant shall have it in his power to do such deeds ofinhumanity and oppression, what avails the law? Where is our admiredconstitution, the freedom, the security of the subject, the boastedhumanity of the British nation! Sacred Heaven! if there was no humaninstitution to take cognisance of such atrocious crimes, I would listento the dictates of eternal justice, and, arming myself with the right ofnature, exterminate such villains from the face of the earth!"

These last words he pronounced in such a strain, while his eyes lightenedwith indignation, that Gobble and his wife underwent the most violentagitation; the constable's teeth chattered in his head, the jailortrembled, and the whole audience was overwhelmed with consternation. 

After a short pause, Sir Launcelot proceeded in a milder strain: "ThankHeaven, the laws of this country have exempted me from the disagreeabletask of such an execution. To them we shall have immediate recourse, inthree separate actions against you for false imprisonment; and any otherperson who has been injured by your arbitrary and wicked proceedings, inme shall find a warm protector, until you shall be expunged from thecommission with disgrace, and have made such retaliation as yourcircumstances will allow for the wrongs you have done the community. "

In order to complete the mortification and terror of the justice, thelawyer, whose name was Fenton, declared that, to his certain knowledge, these actions would be reinforced with divers prosecutions for corruptpractices, which had lain dormant until some person of courage andinfluence should take the lead against Justice Gobble, who was the moredreaded, as he acted under the patronage of Lord Sharpington. By thistime fear had deprived the justice and his helpmate of the faculty ofspeech. They were indeed almost petrified with dismay, and made noeffort to speak, when Mr. Fillet, in the rear of the knight, as heretired with his company, took his leave of them in these words: "Andnow, Mr. Justice, to dinner with what appetite you may. "

Our adventurer, though warmly invited to Mr. Fenton's house, repaired toa public inn, where he thought he should be more at his ease, fullydetermined to punish and depose Gobble from his magistracy, to effect ageneral jail-delivery of all the debtors whom he had found inconfinement, and in particular to rescue poor Mrs. Oakley from themiserable circumstances in which she was involved. 

In the meantime he insisted upon entertaining his friends at dinner, during which many sallies of sea-wit and good humour passed betweenCaptain Crowe and Dr. Fillet, which last had just returned from aneighbouring village, whither he was summoned to fish a man's yard-arm, which had snapt in the slings. Their enjoyment, however, was suddenlyinterrupted by a loud scream from the kitchen, whither Sir Launcelotimmediately sprung, with equal eagerness and agility. There he saw thelandlady, who was a woman in years, embracing a man dressed in a sailor'sjacket, while she exclaimed, "It is thy own flesh and blood, so sure asI'm a living soul. --Ah! poor Greaves, poor Greaves, many a poor heart hasgrieved for thee!" To this salutation the youth replied, "I'm sorry forthat, mistress. --How does poor mother? how does Suky Sedgemoor?"

The good woman of the house could not help shedding tears at theseinterrogations; while Sir Launcelot, interposing, said, not withoutemotion, "I perceive you are the son of Mrs. Oakley. --Your mother is in abad state of health, but in me you will find a real parent. " Perceivingthat the young man eyed him with astonishment, he gave him to understandthat his name was Launcelot Greaves. 

Oakley no sooner heard these words pronounced, than he fell upon hisknees, and seizing the knight's hand, kissed it eagerly, crying, "God forever bless your honour, I am your name-son, sure enough--but what ofthat? I can earn my bread without being beholden to any man. "

When the knight raised him up, he turned to the woman of the house, saying, "I want to see mother. I'm afraid as how times are hard withher; and I have saved some money for her use. " This instance of filialduty brought tears into the eyes of our adventurer, who assured him hismother should be carefully attended, and want for nothing; but that itwould be very improper to see her at present, as the surprise might shockher too much, considering that she believed him dead. "Ey, indeed, "cried the landlady, "we were all of the same opinion, being as the reportwent, that poor Greaves Oakley was killed in battle. " "Lord, mistress, "said Oakley, "there wan't a word of truth in it, I'll assure you. --What, d'ye think I'd tell a lie about the matter? Hurt I was, to be sure, butthat don't signify; we gave 'em as good as they brought, and so parted. --Well, if so be I can't see mother, I'll go and have some chat with Suky. --What d'ye look so glum for? she an't married, is she?" "No, no, "replied the woman, "not married, but almost heart-broken. Since thouwast gone she has done nothing but sighed, and wept, and pined herselfinto a decay. I'm afraid thou hast come too late to save her life. "

Oakley's heart was not proof against this information. Bursting intotears, he exclaimed, "O my dear, sweet, gentle Suky! Have I then livedto be the death of her whom I loved more than the whole world?" He wouldhave gone instantly to her father's house, but was restrained by theknight and his company, who had now joined him in the kitchen. 

The young man was seated at table, and gave them to understand, that theship to which he belonged having arrived in England, he was indulged witha month's leave to see his relations; and that he had received aboutfifty pounds in wages and prize-money. After dinner, just as they beganto deliberate upon the measures to be taken against Gobble, thatgentleman arrived at the inn, and humbly craved admittance. Mr. Fillet, struck with a sudden idea, retired into another apartment with the youngfarmer; while the justice, being admitted to the company, declared thathe came to propose terms of accommodation. He accordingly offered to askpardon of Sir Launcelot in the public papers, and pay fifty pounds to thepoor of the parish, as an atonement for his misbehaviour, provided theknight and his friends would grant him a general release. Our adventurertold him, he would willingly waive all personal concessions; but, as thecase concerned the community, he insisted upon his leaving off acting inthe commission, and making satisfaction to the parties he had injured andoppressed. This declaration introduced a discussion, in the course ofwhich the justice's petulance began to revive; when Fillet, entering theroom, told them he had a reconciling measure to propose, if Mr. Gobblewould for a few minutes withdraw. 

He rose up immediately, and was shown into the room which Fillet hadprepared for his reception. While he sat musing on this untowardadventure, so big with disgrace and disappointment, young Oakley, according to the instructions he had received, appeared all at oncebefore him, pointing to a ghastly wound, which the doctor had painted onhis forehead. The apparition no sooner presented itself to the eyes ofGobble, than, taking it for granted it was the spirit of the young farmerwhose death he had occasioned, he roared aloud, "Lord have mercy uponus!" and fell insensible on the floor. There being found by the company, to whom Fillet had communicated his contrivance, he was conveyed to bed, where he lay some time before he recovered the perfect use of his senses. Then he earnestly desired to see the knight, and assured him he was readyto comply with his terms, inasmuch as he believed he had not long tolive. Advantage was immediately taken of this salutary disposition. Hebound himself not to act as a justice of the peace, in any part of GreatBritain, under the penalty of five thousand pounds. He burnt Mrs. Oakley's note; paid the debts of the shopkeeper; undertook to compoundthose of the publican, and to settle him again in business; and, finally, discharged them all from prison, paying the dues out of his own pocket. These steps being taken with peculiar eagerness, he was removed to hisown house, where he assured his wife he had seen a vision thatprognosticated his death; and had immediate recourse to the curate of theparish for spiritual consolation. 

The most interesting part of the task that now remained was to make thewidow Oakley acquainted with her good fortune, in such a manner as mightleast disturb her spirits, already but too much discomposed. For thispurpose they chose the landlady, who, after having received properdirections how to regulate her conduct, visited her in person that sameevening. Finding her quite calm, and her reflection quite restored, shebegan with exhorting her to put her trust in Providence, which wouldnever forsake the cause of the injured widow and fatherless. Shepromised to assist and befriend her on all occasions, as far as herabilities would reach. She gradually turned the conversation upon thefamily of the Greaves; and by degrees informed her, that Sir Launcelot, having learned her situation, was determined to extricate her from allher troubles. Perceiving her astonished, and deeply affected at thisintimation, she artfully shifted the discourse, recommended resignationto the divine will, and observed, that this circumstance seemed to be anearnest of further happiness. 

"Oh! I'm incapable of receiving more!" cried the disconsolate widow, withstreaming eyes. --"Yet I ought not to be surprised at any blessing thatflows from that quarter. The family of Greaves were always virtuous, humane, and benevolent. This young gentleman's mother was my dear ladyand benefactress:--he himself was suckled at these breasts. Oh! he wasthe sweetest, comeliest, best-conditioned babe!--I loved not my ownGreaves with greater affection--but he, alas! is now no more!" "Havepatience, good neighbour, " said the landlady of the White Hart, "thatis more than you have any right to affirm--all that you know of thematter is by common report, and common report is commonly false; besides, I can tell you I have seen a list of the men that were killed in AdmiralP----'s ship, when he fought the French in the East Indies, and yourson was not in the number. " To this intimation she replied, after aconsiderable pause, "Don't, my good neighbour, don't feed me with falsehope. --My poor Greaves too certainly perished in a foreign land--yet heis happy;--had he lived to see me in this condition, grief would soonhave put a period to his days. " "I tell you then, " cried the visitant, "he is not dead. I have seen a letter that mentions his being well sincethe battle. You shall come along with me--you are no longer a prisoner, but shall live at my house comfortably, till your affairs are settled toyour wish. " The poor widow followed her in silent astonishment, and wasimmediately accommodated with necessaries. 

Next morning her hostess proceeded with her in the same cautious manner, until she was assured that her son had returned. Being duly prepared, she was blest with a sight of poor Greaves, and fainted away in his arms. We shall not dwell upon this tender scene, because it is but of asecondary concern in the history of our knight-errant. Let it suffice tosay, their mutual happiness was unspeakable. She was afterwards visitedby Sir Launcelot, whom she no sooner beheld, than springing forwards withall the eagerness of maternal affection, she clasped him to her breast, crying, "My dear child! my Launcelot! my pride! my darling! my kindbenefactor! This is not the first time I have hugged you in these arms!Oh! you are the very image of Sir Everhard in his youth; but you have gotthe eyes, the complexion, the sweetness, and complacency of my dear andever-honoured lady. " This was not in the strain of hireling praise; butthe genuine tribute of esteem and admiration. As such, it could not butbe agreeable to our hero, who undertook to procure Oakley's discharge, and settle him in a comfortable farm on his own estate. 

In the meantime Greaves went with a heavy heart to the house of FarmerSedgemoor, where he found Suky, who had been prepared for his reception, in a transport of joy, though very weak, and greatly emaciated. Nevertheless, the return of her sweetheart had such an happy effect onher constitution, that in a few weeks her health was perfectly restored. 

This adventure of our knight was crowned with every happy circumstancethat could give pleasure to a generous mind. The prisoners werereleased, and reinstated in their former occupations. The justiceperformed his articles from fear; and afterwards turned over a new leaffrom remorse. Young Oakley was married to Suky, with whom he received aconsiderable portion. The new-married couple found a farm ready stockedfor them on the knight's estate; and the mother enjoyed a happy retreatin the character of housekeeper at Greavesbury Hall. 

CHAPTER THIRTEEN

IN WHICH OUR KNIGHT IS TANTALISED WITH A TRANSIENT GLIMPSE OF FELICITY. 

The success of our adventurer, which we have particularised in the lastchapter, could not fail of enhancing his character, not only among thosewho knew him, but also among the people of the town to whom he was not anutter stranger. The populace surrounded the house, and testified theirapprobation in loud huzzas. Captain Crowe was more than ever inspiredwith veneration for his admired patron, and more than ever determined topursue his footsteps in the road of chivalry. Fillet and his friend thelawyer could not help conceiving an affection, and even a profoundesteem for the exalted virtue, the person, and accomplishments of theknight, dashed as they were with a mixture of extravagance and insanity. Even Sir Launcelot himself was elevated to an extraordinary degree ofself-complacency on the fortunate issue of his adventure, and became moreand more persuaded that a knight-errant's profession might be exercised, even in England, to the advantage of the community. The only person ofthe company who seemed unanimated with the general satisfaction was Mr. Thomas Clarke. He had, not without good reason, laid it down as a maxim, that knight-errantry and madness were synonymous terms; and that madness, though exhibited in the most advantageous and agreeable light, could notchange its nature, but must continue a perversion of sense to the end ofthe chapter. He perceived the additional impression which the brain ofhis uncle had sustained, from the happy manner in which the benevolenceof Sir Launcelot had so lately operated; and began to fear it would be ina little time quite necessary to have recourse to a commission of lunacy, which might not only disgrace the family of the Crowes, but also tend toinvalidate the settlement which the captain had already made in favour ofour young lawyer. 

Perplexed with these cogitations, Mr. Clarke appealed to our adventurer'sown reflection. He expatiated upon the bad consequences that wouldattend his uncle's perseverance in the execution of a scheme so foreignto his faculties; and entreated him, for the love of God, to divert himfrom his purpose, either by arguments or authority; as, of all mankind, the knight alone had gained such an ascendency over his spirits, that hewould listen to his exhortations with respect and submission. 

Our adventurer was not so mad, but that he saw and owned the rationalityof these remarks. He readily undertook to employ all his influence withCrowe, to dissuade him from his extravagant design; and seized the firstopportunity of being alone with the captain, to signify his sentiments onthis subject. "Captain Crowe, " said he, "you are then determined toproceed in the course of knight-errantry?" "I am, " replied the seaman, "with God's help, d'ye see, and the assistance of wind and weather"--"What dost thou talk of wind and weather?" cried the knight, in anelevated tone of affected transport; "without the help of Heaven, indeed, we are all vanity, imbecility, weakness, and wretchedness; but if thouart resolved to embrace the life of an errant, let me not hear thee somuch as whisper a doubt, a wish, a hope, or sentiment with respect to anyother obstacle, which wind or weather, fire or water, sword or famine, danger or disappointment, may throw in the way of thy career. When theduty of thy profession calls, thou must singly rush upon innumerablehosts of armed men. Thou must storm the breach in the mouth of batteriesloaded with death and destruction, while, every step thou movest, thouart exposed to the horrible explosion of subterranean mines, which, beingsprung, will whirl thee aloft in air, a mangled corse, to feed the fowlsof heaven. Thou must leap into the abyss of dreadful caves and caverns, replete with poisonous toads and hissing serpents; thou must plunge intoseas of burning sulphur; thou must launch upon the ocean in a crazy bark, when the foaming billows roll mountains high--when the lightning flashes, the thunder roars, and the howling tempest blows, as if it would commixthe jarring elements of air and water, earth and fire, and reduce allnature to the original anarchy of chaos. Thus involved, thou must turnthy prow full against the fury of the storm, and stem the boisteroussurge to thy destined port, though at the distance of a thousand leagues;thou must"----

"Avast, avast, brother, " exclaimed the impatient Crowe, "you've got intothe high latitudes, d'ye see. If so be as you spank it away at thatrate, adad, I can't continue in tow--we must cast off the rope, or 'waretimbers. As for your 'osts and breeches, and hurling aloft, d'ye see--your caves and caverns, whistling tuods and serpents, burning brimstoneand foaming billows, we must take our hap--I value 'em not a rottenratline; but as for sailing in the wind's eye, brother, you must give meleave--no offence, I hope--I pretend to be a thoroughbred seaman, d'yesee--and I'll be d--ned if you, or e'er an arrant that broke biscuit, ever sailed in a three-mast vessel within five points of the wind, allowing for variation and lee-way. No, no, brother, none of your tricksupon travellers--I an't now to learn my compass. " "Tricks!" cried theknight, starting up, and laying his hand on the pummel of his sword, "what! suspect my honour?"

Crowe, supposing him to be really incensed, interrupted him with greatearnestness, saying, "Nay, don't--what apize!--adds-buntlines!--I didn'tgo to give you the lie, brother, smite my limbs; I only said as how tosail in the wind's eye was impossible. " "And I say unto thee, " resumedthe knight, "nothing is impossible to a true knight-errant, inspired andanimated by love. " "And I say unto thee, " hallooed Crowe, "if so be ashow love pretends to turn his hawse-holes to the wind, he's no seaman, d'ye see, but a snotty-nosed lubberly boy, that knows not a cat from acapstan--a don't. "

"He that does not believe that love is an infallible pilot, must notembark upon the voyage of chivalry; for, next to the protection ofHeaven, it is from love that the knight derives all his prowess andglory. The bare name of his mistress invigorates his arm; theremembrance of her beauty infuses into his breast the most heroicsentiments of courage, while the idea of her chastity hedges him roundlike a charm, and renders him invulnerable to the sword of hisantagonist. A knight without a mistress is a mere nonentity, or, atleast, a monster in nature--a pilot without a compass, a ship withoutrudder, and must be driven to and fro upon the waves of discomfiture anddisgrace. "

"An that be all, " replied the sailor, "I told you before as how I've gota sweetheart, as true a hearted girl as ever swung in canvas. What thofshe may have started a hoop in rolling, that signifies nothing; I'llwarrant her tight as a nut-shell. "

"She must, in your opinion, be a paragon either of beauty or virtue. Now, as you have given up the last, you must uphold her charmsunequalled, and her person without a parallel. " "I do, I do uphold shewill sail upon a parallel as well as e'er a frigate that was rigged tothe northward of fifty. "

"At that rate, she must rival the attractions of her whom I adore; butthat I say is impossible. The perfections of my Aurelia are altogethersupernatural; and as two suns cannot shine together in the same spherewith equal splendour, so I affirm, and will prove with my body, that yourmistress, in comparison with mine, is as a glow-worm to the meridian sun, a rushlight to the full moon, or a stale mackerel's eye to a pearl oforient. " "Harkee, brother, you might give good words, however. An weonce fall a-jawing, d'ye see, I can heave out as much bilgewater asanother; and since you besmear my sweetheart, Besselia, I can as wellbedaub your mistress Aurelia, whom I value no more than old junk, porkslush, or stinking stock-fish. "

"Enough, enough!--such blasphemy shall not pass unchastised. Inconsideration of our having fed from the same table, and maintainedtogether a friendly, though short intercourse, I will not demand thecombat before you are duly prepared. Proceed to the first great town, where you can be furnished with horse and harnessing, with arms offensiveand defensive; provide a trusty squire, assume a motto and device, declare yourself a son of chivalry, and proclaim the excellence of herwho rules your heart. I shall fetch a compass; and wheresoever we maychance to meet, let us engage with equal arms in mortal combat, thatshall decide and determine this dispute. "

So saying, our adventurer stalked with great solemnity into anotherapartment; while Crowe, being sufficiently irritated, snapped his fingersin token of defiance. Honest Crowe thought himself scurvily used by aman whom he had cultivated with such humility and veneration; and, afteran incoherent ejaculation of sea oaths, went in quest of his nephew, inorder to make him acquainted with this unlucky transaction. 

In the meantime, Sir Launcelot, having ordered supper, retired into hisown chamber, and gave a loose to the most tender emotions of his heart. He recollected all the fond ideas which had been excited in the course ofhis correspondence with the charming Aurelia. He remembered, withhorror, the cruel letter he had received from that young lady, containinga formal renunciation of his attachment, so unsuitable to the whole tenorof her character and conduct. He revolved the late adventure of thecoach, and the declaration of Mr. Clarke, with equal eagerness andastonishment; and was seized with the most ardent desire of unravelling amystery so interesting to the predominant passion of his heart. Allthese mingled considerations produced a kind of ferment in the economy ofhis mind, which subsided into a profound reverie, compounded of hope andperplexity. 

From this trance he was waked by the arrival of his squire, who enteredthe room with the blood trickling over his nose, and stood before himwithout speaking. When the knight asked whose livery was that he wore?he replied, "'T is your honour's own livery; I received it on youraccount, and hope as you will quit the score. " Then he proceeded toinform his master, that two officers of the army having come into thekitchen, insisted upon having for their supper the victuals which SirLauncelot had bespoke; and that he, the squire, objecting to theproposal, one of them had seized the poker, and basted him with his ownblood; that when he told them he belonged to a knight-errant, andthreatened them with the vengeance of his master, they cursed and abusedhim, calling him Sancho Panza, and such dog's names; and bade him tellhis master, Don Quicksot, that, if he made any noise, they would confinehim to his cage, and lie with his mistress, Dulcinea. "To be sure, sir, "said he, "they thought you as great a nincompoop as your squire-trimtram, like master, like man; but I hope as how you will give them a Rowland fortheir Oliver. "

"Miscreant!" cried the knight, "you have provoked the gentlemen with yourimpertinence, and they have chastised you as you deserve. I tell thee, Crabshaw, they have saved me the trouble of punishing thee with my ownhands; and well it is for thee, sinner as thou art, that they themselveshave performed the office, for, had they complained to me of thyinsolence and rusticity, by Heaven! I would have made thee an example toall the impudent squires upon the face of the earth. Hence, then!avaunt, caitiff! let his majesty's officers, who perhaps are fatiguedwith hard duty in the service of their country, comfort themselves withthe supper which was intended for me, and leave me undisturbed to my ownmeditations. "

Timothy did not require a repetition of this command, which he forthwithobeyed, growling within himself, that thenceforward he should let everycuckold wear his own horns; but he could not help entertaining somedoubts with respect to the courage of his master, who, he supposed, wasone of those hectors who have their fighting days, but are not at alltimes equally prepared for the combat. 

The knight having taken a slight repast, retired to his repose, and hadfor some time enjoyed a very agreeable slumber, when he was startled by aknocking at his chamber door. "I beg your honour's pardon, " said thelandlady, "but there are two uncivil persons in the kitchen who havewell-nigh turned my whole house topsy-turvy. Not content with layingviolent hands on your honour's supper, they want to be rude to two youngladies who are just arrived, and have called for a post-chaise to go on. They are afraid to open their chamber door to get out, and the younglawyer is like to be murdered for taking the ladies' part. "

Sir Launcelot, though he refused to take notice of the insult which hadbeen offered to himself, no sooner heard of the distress of the ladiesthan he started up, huddled on his clothes, and girding his sword to hisloins, advanced with a deliberate pace to the kitchen, where he perceivedThomas Clarke warmly engaged in altercation with a couple of young mendressed in regimentals, who, with a peculiar air of arrogance andferocity, treated him with great insolence and contempt. Tom wasendeavouring to persuade them, that, in the constitution of England, themilitary was always subservient to the civil power, and that theirbehaviour to a couple of helpless young women was not only unbecominggentlemen, but expressly contrary to the law, inasmuch as they might besued for an assault on an action of damages. 

To this remonstrance the two heroes in red replied by a volley ofdreadful oaths, intermingled with threats, which put the lawyer in somepain for his ears. 

While one thus endeavoured to intimidate honest Tom Clarke, the otherthundered at the door of the apartment to which the ladies had retired, demanding admittance, but received no other answer than a loud shriek. Our adventurer advancing to this uncivil champion, accosted him thus, ina grave and solemn tone: "Assuredly I could not have believed, exceptupon the evidence of my own senses, that persons who have the appearanceof gentlemen, and bear his majesty's honourable commission in the army, could behave so wide of the decorum due to society, of a proper respectto the laws, of that humanity which we owe to our fellow-creatures, andthat delicate regard for the fair sex which ought to prevail in thebreast of every gentleman, and which in particular dignifies thecharacter of a soldier. To whom shall that weaker, though more amiablepart of the creation, fly for protection, if they are insulted andoutraged by those whose more immediate duty it is to afford them securityand defence from injury and violence? What right have you, or any manupon earth, to excite riot in a public inn, which may be deemed a templesacred to hospitality; to disturb the quiet of your fellow-guests, someof them perhaps exhausted by fatigue, some of them invaded by distemper;to interrupt the king's lieges in their course of journeying upon theirlawful occasions? Above all, what motive but wanton barbarity couldprompt you to violate the apartment, and terrify the tender hearts of twohelpless young ladies, travelling, no doubt, upon some cruel emergency, which compels them, unattended, to encounter in the night the dangers ofthe highway?"

"Hearkye, Don Bethlem, " said the captain, strutting up, and cockinghis hat in the face of our adventurer, "you may be mad as ever astraw-crowned monarch in Moorfields, for aught I care, but damme! don'tyou be saucy, otherwise I shall dub your worship with a good stick acrossyour shoulders. " "How! petulant boy, " cried the knight, "since you areso ignorant of urbanity, I will give you a lesson that you shall noteasily forget. " So saying, he unsheathed his sword, and called upon thesoldier to draw in his defence. 

The reader may have seen the physiognomy of a stockholder at Jonathan'swhen the rebels were at Derby, or the features of a bard when accosted bya bailiff, or the countenance of an alderman when his banker stopspayment; if he has seen either of these phenomena, he may conceive theappearance that was now exhibited by the visage of the ferocious captain, when the naked sword of Sir Launcelot glanced before his eyes; far fromattempting to produce his own, which was of unconscionable length, hestood motionless as a statue, staring with the most ghastly look ofterror and astonishment. His companion, who partook of his panic, seeingmatters brought to a very serious crisis, interposed with a crest-fallencountenance, assuring Sir Launcelot they had no intention to quarrel, andwhat they had done was entirely for the sake of the frolic. 

"By such frolics, " cried the knight, "you become nuisances to society, bring yourselves into contempt, and disgrace the corps to which youbelong. I now perceive the truth of the observation, that cruelty alwaysresides with cowardice. My contempt is changed into compassion, and asyou are probably of good families, I must insist upon this young man'sdrawing his sword, and acquitting himself in such a manner as may screenhim from the most infamous censure which an officer can undergo. ""Lack-a-day, sir, " said the other, "we are no officers, but prenticesto two London haberdashers, travellers for orders; Captain is a goodtravelling name, and we have dressed ourselves like officers to procuremore respect upon the road. "

The knight said he was very glad, for the honour of the service, to findthey were impostors, though they deserved to be chastised for arrogatingto themselves an honourable character which they had not spirit tosustain. 

These words were scarce pronounced, when Mr. Clarke approaching one ofthe bravadoes, who had threatened to crop his ears, bestowed such abenediction on his jaw, as he could not receive without immediatehumiliation; while Timothy Crabshaw, smarting from his broken head andhis want of supper, saluted the other with a Yorkshire hug, that laid himacross the body of his companion. In a word, the two pseudo-officerswere very roughly handled, for their presumption in pretending to actcharacters for which they were so ill qualified. 

While Clarke and Crabshaw were thus laudably employed, the two youngladies passed through the kitchen so suddenly, that the knight had only atransient glimpse of their backs, and they disappeared before he couldpossibly make a tender of his services. The truth is, they dreadednothing so much as their being discovered, and took the first opportunityof gliding into the chaise, which had been for some time waiting in thepassage. 

Mr. Clarke was much more disconcerted than our adventurer by theirsudden escape. He ran with great eagerness to the door, and, perceivingthey were flown, returned to Sir Launcelot, saying, "Lord bless my soul, sir, didn't you see who it was?" "Ha! how!" exclaimed the knight, reddening with alarm, "who was it?" "One of them, " replied the lawyer, "was Dolly, our old landlady's daughter at the Black Lion. I knew herwhen first she 'lighted, notwithstanding her being neatly dressed in agreen joseph, which, I'll assure you, sir, becomes her remarkably well. --I'd never desire to see a prettier creature. As for the other, she's avery genteel woman, but whether old or young, ugly or handsome, I can'tpretend to say, for she was masked. I had just time to salute Dolly, andask a few questions; but all she could tell me was, that the maskedlady's name was Miss Meadows; and that she, Dolly, was hired as herwaiting-woman. "

When the name of Meadows was mentioned, Sir Launcelot, whose spirits hadbeen in violent commotion, became suddenly calm and serene, and he beganto communicate to Clarke the dialogue which had passed between him andCaptain Crowe, when the hostess, addressing herself to our errant, "Well, " said she, "I have had the honour to accommodate many ladies ofthe first fashion at the White Hart, both young and old, proud and lowly, ordinary and handsome; but such a miracle as Miss Meadows I never yet didsee. --Lord, let me never thrive but I think she is of something more thana human creature!--Oh! had your honour but set eyes on her, you wouldhave said it was a vision from heaven, a cherubim of beauty:--For mypart, I can hardly think it was anything but a dream--then so meek, somild, so good-natured and generous! I say, blessed is the young womanwho tends upon such a heavenly creature:--And, poor dear young lady! sheseems to be under grief and affliction, for the tears stole down herlovely cheeks, and looked for all the world like orient pearl. "

Sir Launcelot listened attentively to the description, which reminded himof his dear Aurelia, and sighing bitterly, withdrew to his own apartment. 

CHAPTER FOURTEEN

WHICH SHOWS THAT A MAN CANNOT ALWAYS SIP, WHEN THE CUP IS AT HIS LIP. 

Those who have felt the doubts, the jealousies, the resentments, thehumiliations, the hopes, the despair, the impatience, and, in a word, theinfinite disquiets of love, will be able to conceive the sea of agitationon which our adventurer was tossed all night long, without repose orintermission. Sometimes he resolved to employ all his industry andaddress in discovering the place in which Aurelia was sequestered, thathe might rescue her from the supposed restraint to which she had beensubjected. But when his heart beat high with the anticipation of thisexploit, he was suddenly invaded, and all his ardour checked, by theremembrance of that fatal letter, written and signed by her own hand, which had divorced him from all hope, and first unsettled hisunderstanding. The emotions waked by this remembrance were so strong, that he leaped from the bed, and the fire being still burning in thechimney, lighted a candle, that he might once more banquet his spleen byreading the original billet, which, together with the ring he hadreceived from Miss Darnel's mother, he kept in a small box, carefullydeposited within his portmanteau. This being instantly unlocked, heunfolded the paper, and recited the contents in these words:--

"SIR, --Obliged as I am by the passion you profess, and the eagerness withwhich you endeavour to give me the most convincing proof of your regard, I feel some reluctance in making you acquainted with a circumstance, which, in all probability, you will not learn without some disquiet. Butthe affair is become so interesting, I am compelled to tell you, thathowever agreeable your proposals may have been to those whom I thought itmy duty to please by every reasonable concession, and howsoever you mayhave been flattered by the seeming complacency with which I have heardyour addresses, I now find it absolutely necessary to speak in a decisivestrain, to assure you, that, without sacrificing my own peace, I cannotadmit a continuation of your correspondence; and that your regard for mewill be best shown by your desisting from a pursuit which is altogetherinconsistent with the happiness of AURELIA DARNEL. "

Having pronounced aloud the words that composed this dismission, hehastily replaced the cruel scroll, and being too well acquainted with thehand to harbour the least doubt of its being genuine, threw himself intohis bed in a transport of despair, mingled with resentment, during thepredominancy of which he determined to proceed in the career ofadventure, and endeavour to forget the unkindness of his mistress amidstthe avocations of knight-errantry. 

Such was the resolution that governed his thoughts, when he rose in themorning, ordered Crabshaw to saddle Bronzomarte, and demanded a bill ofhis expense. Before these orders could be executed, the good woman ofthe house entering his apartment, told him, with marks of concern, thatthe poor young lady, Miss Meadows, had dropped her pocket-book in thenext chamber, where it was found by the hostess, who now presented itunopened. 

Our knight having called in Mrs. Oakley and her son as witnesses, unfolded the book without reading one syllable of the contents, and foundin it five banknotes, amounting to two hundred and thirty pounds. Perceiving at once the loss of this treasure might be attended with themost embarrassing consequences to the owner, and reflecting that this wasa case which demanded the immediate interposition and assistance ofchivalry, he declared that he himself would convey it safely into thehands of Miss Meadows; and desired to know the road she had pursued, thathe might set out in quest of her without a moment's delay. It was notwithout some difficulty that this information was obtained from thepostboy, who had been enjoined to secrecy by the lady, and even gratifiedwith a handsome reward for his promised discretion. The same method wasused to make him disgorge his trust; he undertook to conduct SirLauncelot, who hired a post-chaise for despatch, and immediatelydeparted, after having directed his squire to follow his track with thehorses. 

Yet, whatever haste he made, it is absolutely necessary, for the reader'ssatisfaction, that we should outstrip the chaise, and visit the ladiesbefore his arrival. We shall therefore, without circumlocution, premise, that Miss Meadows was no other than that paragon of beauty and goodness, the all-accomplished Miss Aurelia Darnel. She had, with that meekness ofresignation peculiar to herself, for some years, submitted to everyspecies of oppression which her uncle's tyranny of disposition couldplan, and his unlimited power of guardianship execute, till at length itrose to such a pitch of despotism as she could not endure. He hadprojected a match between his niece and one Philip Sycamore, Esq. , ayoung man who possessed a pretty considerable estate in the northcountry; who liked Aurelia's person, but was enamoured of her fortune, and had offered to purchase Anthony's interest and alliance with certainconcessions, which could not but be agreeable to a man of looseprinciples, who would have found it a difficult task to settle theaccounts of his wardship. 

According to the present estimate of matrimonial felicity, Sycamore mighthave found admittance as a future son-in-law to any private family ofthe kingdom. He was by birth a gentleman, tall, straight, and muscular, with a fair, sleek, unmeaning face, that promised more simplicity thanill-nature. His education had not been neglected, and he inherited anestate of five thousand a year. Miss Darnel, however, had penetrationenough to discover and despise him, as a strange composition of rapacityand profusion, absurdity and good sense, bashfulness and impudence, self-conceit and diffidence, awkwardness and ostentation, insolence andgood-nature, rashness and timidity. He was continually surrounded andpreyed upon by certain vermin called Led Captains and Buffoons, whoshowed him in leading-strings like a sucking giant, rifled his pocketswithout ceremony, ridiculed him to his face, traduced his character, andexposed him in a thousand ludicrous attitudes for the diversion of thepublic; while at the same time he knew their knavery, saw their drift, detested their morals, and despised their understanding. He was soinfatuated by indolence of thought, and communication with folly, that hewould have rather suffered himself to be led into a ditch with company, than be at the pains of going over a bridge alone; and involved himselfin a thousand difficulties, the natural consequences of an error in thefirst concoction, which, though he plainly saw it, he had not resolutionenough to avoid. 

Such was the character of Squire Sycamore, who professed himself therival of Sir Launcelot Greaves in the good graces of Miss Aurelia Darnel. He had in this pursuit persevered with more constancy and fortitude thanhe ever exerted in any other instance. Being generally needy fromextravagance, he was stimulated by his wants, and animated by his vanity, which was artfully instigated by his followers, who hoped to share thespoils of his success. These motives were reinforced by the incessantand eager exhortations of Anthony Darnel, who seeing his ward in the lastyear of her minority, thought there was no time to be lost in securinghis own indemnification, and snatching his niece for ever from the hopesof Sir Launcelot, whom he now hated with redoubled animosity. FindingAurelia deaf to all his remonstrances, proof against ill usage, andresolutely averse to the proposed union with Sycamore, he endeavoured todetach her thoughts from Sir Launcelot, by forging tales to the prejudiceof his constancy and moral character; and, finally, by recapitulating theproofs and instances of his distraction, which he particularised with themost malicious exaggerations. 

In spite of all his arts, he found it impracticable to surmount herobjections to the proposed alliance, and therefore changed his battery. Instead of transferring her to the arms of his friend, he resolved todetain her in his own power by a legal claim, which would invest him withthe uncontrolled management of her affairs. This was a charge of lunacy, in consequence of which he hoped to obtain a commission, to secure a juryto his wish, and be appointed sole committee of her person, as well assteward on her estate, of which he would then be heir-apparent. 

As the first steps towards the execution of this honest scheme, he hadsubjected Aurelia to the superintendency and direction of an old duenna, who had been formerly the procuress of his pleasures; and hired a new setof servants, who were given to understand, at their first admission, thatthe young lady was disordered in her brain. 

An impression of this nature is easily preserved among servants, when themaster of the family thinks his interest is concerned in supporting theimposture. The melancholy produced from her confinement, and thevivacity of her resentment under ill usage, were, by the address ofAnthony, and the prepossession of his domestics, perverted into theeffects of insanity; and the same interpretation was strained upon hermost indifferent words and actions. 

The tidings of Miss Darnel's disorder was carefully circulated inwhispers, and soon reached the ears of Mr. Sycamore, who was not at allpleased with the information. From his knowledge of Anthony'sdisposition, he suspected the truth of the report; and, unwilling to seesuch a prize ravished as it were from his grasp, he, with the advice andassistance of his myrmidons, resolved to set the captive at liberty, infull hope of turning the adventure to his own advantage; for he argued inthis manner:--"If she is in fact compos mentis, her gratitude willoperate in my behalf, and even prudence will advise her to embrace theproffered asylum from the villany of her uncle. If she is reallydisordered, it will be no great difficulty to deceive her into marriage, and then I become her trustee of course. "

The plan was well conceived, but Sycamore had not discretion enough tokeep his own counsel. From weakness and vanity, he blabbed the design, which in a little time was communicated to Anthony Darnel, and he tookhis precautions accordingly. Being infirm in his own person, andconsequently unfit for opposing the violence of some desperadoes, whom heknew to be the satellites of Sycamore, he prepared a private retreat forhis ward at the house of an old gentleman, the companion of his youth, whom he had imposed upon with the fiction of her being disordered in herunderstanding, and amused with a story of a dangerous design upon herperson. Thus cautioned and instructed, the gentleman had gone with hisown coach and servants to receive Aurelia and her governante at a thirdhouse, to which she had been privately removed from her uncle'shabitation; and in this journey it was that she had been so accidentallyprotected from the violence of the robbers by the interposition andprowess of our adventurer. 

As he did not wear his helmet in that exploit, she recognised hisfeatures as he passed the coach, and, struck with the apparition, shrieked aloud. She had been assured by her guardian that his design wasto convey her to her own house; but perceiving in the sequel that thecarriage struck off upon a different road, and finding herself in thehands of strangers, she began to dread a much more disagreeable fate, andconceived doubts and ideas that filled her tender heart with horror andaffliction. When she expostulated with the duenna, she was treated likea changeling, admonished to be quiet, and reminded that she was under thedirection of those who would manage her with a tender regard to her ownwelfare, and the honour of her family. When she addressed herself to theold gentleman, who was not much subject to the emotions of humanity, andbesides firmly persuaded that she was deprived of her reason, he made noanswer, but laid his finger on his mouth by way of enjoining silence. 

This mysterious behaviour aggravated the fears of the poor hapless younglady; and her terrors waxed so strong, that when she saw Tom Clarke, whose face she knew, she called aloud for assistance, and even pronouncedthe name of his patron Sir Launcelot Greaves, which she imagined mightstimulate him the more to attempt something for her deliverance. 

The reader has already been informed in what manner the endeavours of Tomand his uncle miscarried. Miss Darnel's new keeper having in the courseof his journey halted for refreshment at the Black Lion, of which beinglandlord, he believed the good woman and her family were entirely devotedto his will and pleasure, Aurelia found an opportunity of speaking inprivate to Dolly, who had a very prepossessing appearance. She conveyeda purse of money into the hands of this young woman, telling her, whilethe tears trickled down her cheeks, that she was a young lady of fortune, in danger, as she apprehended, of assassination. This hint, which shecommunicated in a whisper while the governante stood at the other end ofthe room, was sufficient to interest the compassionate Dolly in herbehalf. As soon as the coach departed, she made her mother acquaintedwith the transaction; and as they naturally concluded that the young ladyexpected their assistance, they resolved to approve themselves worthy ofher confidence. 

Dolly having enlisted in their design a trusty countryman, one of her ownprofessed admirers, they set out together for the house of the gentlemanin which the fair prisoner was confined, and waited for her in secret atthe end of a pleasant park, in which they naturally concluded she mightbe indulged with the privilege of taking the air. The event justifiedtheir conception; on the very first day of their watch they saw herapproach, accompanied by her duenna. Dolly and her attendant immediatelytied their horses to a stake, and retired into a thicket, which Aureliadid not fail to enter. Dolly forthwith appeared, and, taking her by thehand, led her to the horses, one of which she mounted in the utmost hurryand trepidation, while the countryman bound the duenna with a cordprepared for the purpose, gagged her mouth, and tied her to a tree, where he left her to her own meditations. Then he mounted before Dolly, and through unfrequented paths conducted his charge to an inn on thepost-road, where a chaise was ready for their reception. 

As he refused to proceed farther, lest his absence from his own homeshould create suspicion, Aurelia rewarded him liberally, but would notpart with her faithful Dolly, who indeed had no inclination to bedischarged; such an affection and attachment had she already acquired forthe amiable fugitive, though she knew neither her story nor her truename. Aurelia thought proper to conceal both, and assumed the fictitiousappellation of Meadows, until she should be better acquainted with thedisposition and discretion of her new attendant. 

The first resolution she could take, in the present flutter of herspirits, was to make the best of her way to London, where she thought shemight find an asylum in the house of a female relation, married to aneminent physician, known by the name of Kawdle. In the execution of thishasty resolve, she travelled at a violent rate, from stage to stage, in acarriage drawn by four horses, without halting for necessary refreshmentor repose, until she judged herself out of danger of being overtaken. Asshe appeared overwhelmed with grief and consternation, the good-naturedDolly endeavoured to alleviate her distress with diverting discourse, and, among other less interesting stories, entertained her with theadventures of Sir Launcelot and Captain Crowe, which she had seen andheard recited while they remained at the Black Lion; nor did she fail tointroduce Mr. Thomas Clarke in her narrative, with such a favourablerepresentation of his person and character, as plainly discovered thather own heart had received a rude shock from the irresistible force ofhis qualifications. 

The history of Sir Launcelot Greaves was a theme which effectually fixedthe attention of Aurelia, distracted as her ideas must have been by thecircumstances of her present situation. The particulars of his conductsince the correspondence between him and her had ceased, she heard withequal concern and astonishment; for, how far soever she deemed herselfdetached from all possibility of future connexion with that younggentleman, she was not made of such indifferent stuff as to learn withoutemotion the calamitous disorder of an accomplished youth, whoseextraordinary virtues she could not but revere. 

As they had deviated from the post-road, taken precautions to concealtheir route, and made such progress, that they were now within one day'sjourney of London, the careful and affectionate Dolly, seeing her dearlady quite exhausted with fatigue, used all her natural rhetoric, whichwas very powerful, mingled with tears that flowed from the heart, inpersuading Aurelia to enjoy some repose; and so far she succeeded in theattempt, that for one night the toil of travelling was intermitted. Thisrecess from incredible fatigue was a pause that afforded our adventurertime to overtake them before they reached the metropolis, that vastlabyrinth, in which Aurelia might have been for ever lost to his inquiry. 

It was in the afternoon of the day which succeeded his departure from theWhite Hart, that Sir Launcelot arrived at the inn, where Miss AureliaDarnel had bespoke a dish of tea, and a post-chaise for the next stage. He had by inquiry traced her a considerable way, without ever dreamingwho the person really was whom he thus pursued, and now he desired tospeak with her attendant. Dolly was not a little surprised to see SirLauncelot Greaves, of whose character she had conceived a very sublimeidea from the narrative of Mr. Thomas Clarke; but she was still moresurprised when he gave her to understand that he had charged himself witha pocket-book, containing the bank-notes which Miss Meadows had droppedin the house where they had been threatened with insult. Miss Darnel hadnot yet discovered her disaster, when her attendant, running into theapartment, presented the prize which she had received from ouradventurer, with his compliments to Miss Meadows, implying a request tobe admitted into her presence, that he might make a personal tender ofhis best services. 

It is not to be supposed that the amiable Aurelia heard unmoved such amessage from a person, whom her maid discovered to be the identical SirLauncelot Greaves, whose story she had so lately related; but as theensuing scene requires fresh attention in the reader, we shall defer ittill another opportunity, when his spirits shall be recruited from thefatigue of this chapter. 

CHAPTER FIFTEEN

EXHIBITING AN INTERVIEW, WHICH, IT IS TO BE HOPED, WILL INTEREST THECURIOSITY OF THE READER. 

The mind of the delicate Aurelia was strangely agitated by theintelligence which she received with her pocket-book from Dolly. Confounded as she was by the nature of her situation, she at onceperceived that she could not, with any regard to the dictates ofgratitude, refuse complying with the request of Sir Launcelot; but, inthe first hurry of her emotion, she directed Dolly to beg, in her name, that she might be excused for wearing a mask at the interview which hedesired, as she had particular reasons, which concerned her peace, forretaining that disguise. Our adventurer submitted to this preliminarywith a good grace, as he had nothing in view but the injunction of hisorder, and the duties of humanity; and he was admitted without furtherpreamble. 

When he entered the room, he could not help being struck with thepresence of Aurelia. Her stature was improved since he had seen her; hershape was exquisitely formed; and she received him with an air ofdignity, which impressed him with a very sublime idea of her person andcharacter. She was no less affected at the sight of our adventurer, who, though cased in armour, appeared with his head uncovered; and theexercise of travelling had thrown such a glow of health and vivacity onhis features, which were naturally elegant and expressive, that we willventure to say, there was not in all England a couple that excelled thisamiable pair in personal beauty and accomplishments. Aurelia shone withall the fabled graces of nymph or goddess; and to Sir Launcelot might beapplied what the divine poet Ariosto says of the Prince Zerbino:

 Natura il fece e poi ruppe la stampa When Nature stamp'd him, she the die destroy'd. 

Our adventurer having made his obeisance to this supposed Miss Meadows, told her, with an air of pleasantry, that although he thought himselfhighly honoured in being admitted to her presence, and allowed to pay hisrespects to her, as superior beings are adored, unseen; yet his pleasurewould receive a very considerable addition, if she would be pleased towithdraw that invidious veil, that he might have a glimpse of thedivinity which it concealed. Aurelia immediately took off her mask, saying with a faltering accent, "I cannot be so ungrateful as to denysuch a small favour to a gentleman who has laid me under the mostimportant obligations. "

The unexpected apparition of Miss Aurelia Darnel, beaming with all theemanations of ripened beauty, blushing with all the graces of the mostlovely confusion, could not but produce a violent effect upon the mind ofSir Launcelot Greaves. He was, indeed, overwhelmed with a mingledtransport of astonishment, admiration, affection, and awe. The colourvanished from his cheeks, and he stood gazing upon her, in silence, withthe most emphatic expression of countenance. 

Aurelia was infected by his disorder. She began to tremble, and theroses fluctuated on her face. "I cannot forget, " said she, "that I owemy life to the courage and humanity of Sir Launcelot Greaves, and that heat the same time rescued from the most dreadful death a dear andvenerable parent. "--"Would to Heaven she still survived!" cried ouradventurer, with great emotion. "She was the friend of my youth, thekind patroness of my felicity! My guardian angel forsook me when sheexpired! Her last injunctions are deep engraver on my heart!"

While he pronounced these words, she lifted her handkerchief to her faireyes, and, after some pause, proceeded in a tremulous tone, "I hope, sir, --I hope you have--I should be sorry--Pardon me, sir, I cannot reflectupon such an interesting subject unmoved"--Here she fetched a deep sigh, that was accompanied by a flood of tears; while the knight continued tobend his eyes upon her with the utmost eagerness of attention. 

Having recollected herself a little, she endeavoured to shift theconversation: "You have been abroad since I had the pleasure to see you--I hope you were agreeably amused in your travels. "--"No, madam, " saidour hero, drooping his head; "I have been unfortunate. " When she, withthe most enchanting sweetness of benevolence, expressed her concern tohear he had been unhappy, and her hope that his misfortunes were not pastremedy; he lifted up his eyes, and fixing them upon her again, with alook of tender dejection, "Cut off, " said he, "from the possession ofwhat my soul held most dear, I wished for death, and was visited bydistraction. I have been abandoned by my reason--my youth is for everblasted. "

The tender heart of Aurelia could bear no more--her knees began tototter, the lustre vanished from her eyes, and she fainted in the arms ofher attendant. Sir Launcelot, aroused by this circumstance, assistedDolly in seating her mistress on a couch, where she soon recovered, andsaw the knight on his knees before her. "I am still happy, " said he, "inbeing able to move your compassion, though I have been held unworthy ofyour esteem. "--"Do me justice, " she replied; "my best esteem has beenalways inseparably connected with the character of Sir LauncelotGreaves. "--"Is it possible?" cried our hero; "then surely I have noreason to complain. If I have moved your compassion, and possess youresteem, I am but one degree short of supreme happiness--that, however, isa gigantic step. O Miss Darnel! when I remember that dear, thatmelancholy moment. "--So saying he gently touched her hand, in order topress it to his lips, and perceived on her finger the very individualring which he had presented in her mother's presence, as an interchangedtestimony of plighted faith. Starting at the well-known object, thesight of which conjured up a strange confusion of ideas, "This, " said he, "was once the pledge of something still more cordial than esteem. "Aurelia, blushing at this remark, while her eyes lightened with unusualvivacity, replied, in a severer tone, "Sir, you best know how it lost itsoriginal signification. "--"By Heaven! I do not, madam!" exclaimed ouradventurer. "With me it was ever held a sacred idea throned within myheart, cherished with such fervency of regard, with such reverence ofaffection, as the devout anchorite more unreasonably pays to thosesainted reliques that constitute the object of his adoration. "--"And, like those reliques, " answered Miss Darnel, "I have been insensible of myvotary's devotion. A saint I must have been, or something more, to knowthe sentiments of your heart by inspiration. "

"Did I forbear, " said he, "to express, to repeat, to enforce the dictatesof the purest passion that ever warmed the human breast, until I wasdenied access, and formally discarded by that cruel dismission?"--"I mustbeg your pardon, sir, " cried Aurelia, interrupting him hastily, "I knownot what you mean. "--"That fatal sentence, " said he, "if not pronouncedby your own lips, at least written by your own fair hand, which drove meout an exile for ever from the paradise of your affection. "--"I wouldnot, " she replied, "do Sir Launcelot Greaves the injury to suppose himcapable of imposition; but you talk of things to which I am an utterstranger. I have a right, sir, to demand of your honour, that you willnot impute to me your breaking off a connexion, which--I would--ratherwish--had never"----"Heaven and earth! what do I hear?" cried ourimpatient knight; "have I not the baleful letter to produce? What elsebut Miss Darnel's explicit and express declaration could have destroyedthe sweetest hope that ever cheered my soul; could have obliged me toresign all claim to that felicity for which alone I wished to live; couldhave filled my bosom with unutterable sorrow and despair; could have evendivested me of reason, and driven me from the society of men, a poor, forlorn, wandering lunatic, such as you see me now prostrate at yourfeet; all the blossoms of my youth withered, all the honours of my familydecayed?"

Aurelia looking wishfully at her lover, "Sir, " said she, "you overwhelmme with amazement and anxiety! you are imposed upon, if you have receivedany such letter. You are deceived, if you thought Aurelia Darnel couldbe so insensible, ungrateful, and--inconstant. "

This last word she pronounced with some hesitation, and a downcast look, while her face underwent a total suffusion, and the knight's heart beganto palpitate with all the violence of emotion. He eagerly imprinted akiss upon her hand, exclaiming, in interrupted phrase, "Can it bepossible?--Heaven grant--Sure this is no illusion!--O madam!--shall Icall you my Aurelia? My heart is bursting with a thousand fond thoughtsand presages. You shall see that dire paper which has been the source ofall my woes--it is the constant companion of my travels--last night Inourished my chagrin with the perusal of its horrid contents. "

Aurelia expressed great impatience to view the cruel forgery, for suchshe assured him it must be. But he could not gratify her desire, tillthe arrival of his servant with the portmanteau. In the meantime, teawas called. The lovers were seated. He looked and languished; sheflushed and faltered. All was doubt and delirium, fondness and flutter. Their mutual disorder communicated itself to the kind-heartedsympathising Dolly, who had been witness to the interview, and deeplyaffected at the disclosure of the scene. Unspeakable was her surprise, when she found her mistress, Miss Meadows, was no other than thecelebrated Aurelia Darnel, whose eulogium she had heard so eloquentlypronounced by her sweetheart, Mr. Thomas Clarke; a discovery which stillmore endeared her lady to her affection. She had wept plentifully at theprogress of their mutual explanation, and was now so disconcerted, thatshe scarce knew the meaning of the orders she had received. She set thekettle on the table, and placed the tea-board on the fire. Herconfusion, by attracting the notice of her mistress, helped to relieveher from her own embarrassing situation. She, with her own delicatehands, rectified the mistake of Dolly, who still continued to sob, andsaid, "Yau may think, my Leady Darnel, as haw I'aive yeaten hool-cheese;but it y'an't soa. I'se think, vor mai peart, as how I'aive beanbewitched. "

Sir Launcelot could not help smiling at the simplicity of Dolly, whosegoodness of heart and attachment Aurelia did not fail to extol, as soonas her back was turned. It was in consequence of this commendation, that, the next time she entered the room, our adventurer, for the firsttime, considered her face, and seemed to be struck with her features. Heasked her some questions, which she could not answer to his satisfaction;applauded her regard for her lady, and assured her of his friendship andprotection. He now begged to know the cause that obliged his Aurelia totravel at such a rate, and in such an equipage; and she informed him ofthose particulars which we have already communicated to our reader. 

Sir Launcelot glowed with resentment, when he understood how his dearAurelia had been oppressed by her perfidious and cruel guardian. He bithis nether lip, rolled his eyes around, started from his seat, andstriding across the room, "I remember, " said he, "the dying words of herwho now is a saint in heaven: 'That violent man, my brother-in-law, whois Aurelia's sole guardian, will thwart her wishes with every obstaclethat brutal resentment and implacable malice can contrive. ' Whatfollowed, it would ill become me to repeat. But she concluded with thesewords: 'The rest we must leave to the dispensations of Providence. ' Wasit not Providence that sent me hither to guard and protect the injuredAurelia?" Then turning to Miss Darnel, whose eyes streamed with tears, he added, "Yes, divine creature! Heaven, careful of your safety, and incompassion to my sufferings, hath guided me hither, in this mysteriousmanner, that I might defend you from violence, and enjoy this transitionfrom madness to deliberation, from despair to felicity. "

So saying, he approached this amiable mourner, this fragrant flower ofbeauty, glittering with the dew-drops of the morning; this sweetest, andgentlest, loveliest ornament of human nature. He gazed upon her withlooks of love ineffable; he sat down by her; he pressed her soft hand inhis; he began to fear that all he saw was the flattering vision of adistempered brain; he looked and sighed, and, turning up his eyes toheaven, breathed, in broken murmurs, the chaste raptures of his soul. The tenderness of this communication was too painful to be long endured. Aurelia industriously interposed other subjects of discourse, that hisattention might not be dangerously overcharged, and the afternoon passedinsensibly away. 

Though he had determined, in his own mind, never more to quit this idolof his soul, they had not yet concerted any plan of conduct, when theirhappiness was all at once interrupted by a repetition of cries, denotinghorror; and a servant coming in, said he believed some rogues weremurdering a traveller on the highway. The supposition of such distressoperated like gunpowder on the disposition of our adventurer, who, without considering the situation of Aurelia, and indeed without seeing, or being capable to think on her or any other subject for the time being, ran directly to the stable, and, mounting the first horse which he foundsaddled, issued out in the twilight, having no other weapon but hissword. 

He rode full speed to the spot whence the cries seemed to proceed; butthey sounded more remote as he advanced. Nevertheless, he followed themto a considerable distance from the road, over fields, ditches, andhedges; and at last came so near, that he could plainly distinguish thevoice of his own squire, Timothy Crabshaw, bellowing for mercy, withhideous vociferation. Stimulated by this recognition, he redoubled hiscareer in the dark, till at length his horse plunged into a hole, thenature of which he could not comprehend; but he found it impracticable todisengage him. It was with some difficulty that he himself clamberedover a ruined wall, and regained the open ground. Here he groped about, in the utmost impatience of anxiety, ignorant of the place, mad withvexation for the fate of his unfortunate squire, and between whilesinvaded with a pang of concern for Aurelia, left among strangers, unguarded, and alarmed. 

In the midst of this emotion, he bethought himself of hallooing aloud, that, in case he should be in the neighbourhood of any inhabited place, he might be heard and assisted. He accordingly practised this expedient, which was not altogether without effect; for he was immediately answeredby an old friend, no other than his own steed Bronzomarte, who, hearinghis master's voice, neighed strenuously at a small distance. The knight, being well acquainted with the sound, heard it with astonishment, and, advancing in the right direction, found his noble charger fastened to atree. He forthwith untied and mounted him; then, laying the reins uponhis neck, allowed him to choose his own path, in which he began to travelwith equal steadiness and expedition. They had not proceeded far, whenthe knight's ears were again saluted by the cries of Crabshaw; whichBronzomarte no sooner heard, than he pricked up his ears, neighed, andquickened his pace, as if he had been sensible of the squire's distress, and hastened to his relief. Sir Launcelot, notwithstanding his owndisquiet, could not help observing and admiring this generous sensibilityof his horse. He began to think himself some hero of romance, mountedupon a winged steed, inspired with reason, directed by some humaneenchanter, who pitied virtue in distress. All circumstances considered, it is no wonder that the commotion in the mind of our adventurer producedsome such delirium. All night he continued the chase; the voice, whichwas repeated at intervals, still retreating before him, till the morningbegan to appear in the east, when, by divers piteous groans, he wasdirected to the corner of a wood, where he beheld his miserable squirestretched upon the grass, and Gilbert feeding by him altogetherunconcerned, the helmet and the lance suspended at the saddle-bow, andthe portmanteau safely fixed upon the crupper. 

The knight, riding up to Crabshaw, with equal surprise and concern, askedwhat had brought him there? and Timothy, after some pause, during whichhe surveyed his master with a rueful aspect, answered, "The devil. "--"Onewould imagine, indeed, you had some such conveyance, " said Sir Launcelot. "I have followed your cries since last evening, I know not how norwhither, and never could come up with you till this moment. But, say, what damage have you sustained, that you lie in that wretched posture, and groan so dismally?" "I can't guess, " replied the squire, "if itbean't that mai hoole carcase is drilled into oilet hools, and my fleshpinched into a jelly. "--"How! wherefore!" cried the knight; "who were themiscreants that treated you in such a barbarous manner? Do you know theruffians?"--"I know nothing at all, " answered the peevish squire, "butthat I was tormented by vive houndred and vifty thousand legions ofdevils, and there's an end oon't. "--"Well, you must have a littlepatience, Crabshaw--there's a salve for every sore. "--"Yaw mought as welltell ma, for every zow there's a zirreverence. "--"For a man in yourcondition, methinks you talk very much at your ease--try if you can getup and mount Gilbert, that you may be conveyed to some place where youcan have proper assistance. --So--well done--cheerly!"

Timothy actually made an effort to rise, but fell down again, and uttereda dismal yell. Then his master exhorted him to take advantage of a parkwall, by which he lay, and raise himself gradually upon it. Crabshaw, eyeing him askance, said, by way of reproach, for his not alighting andassisting him in person, "Thatch your house with t--d, and you'll havemore teachers than reachers. "--Having pronounced this inelegant adage, hemade shift to stand upon his legs; and now, the knight lending a hand, was mounted upon Gilbert, though not without a world of ohs! and ahs! andother ejaculations of pain and impatience. 

As they jogged on together, our adventurer endeavoured to learn theparticulars of the disaster which had befallen the squire; but all theinformation he could obtain, amounted to a very imperfect sketch of theadventure. By dint of a thousand interrogations, he understood, thatCrabshaw had been, in the preceding evening, encountered by three personson horseback, with Venetian masks on their faces, which he mistook fortheir natural features, and was terrified accordingly. That they notonly presented pistols to his breast, and led his horse out of thehighway; but pricked him with goads, and pinched him, from time to time, till he screamed with the torture. That he was led through unfrequentedplaces across the country, sometimes at an easy trot, sometimes at fullgallop, and tormented all night by those hideous demons, who vanished atdaybreak, and left him lying on the spot where he was found by hismaster. 

This was a mystery which our hero could by no means unriddle. It was themore unaccountable, as the squire had not been robbed of his money, horses, and baggage. He was even disposed to believe that Crabshaw'sbrain was disordered, and the whole account he had given no more than amere chimera. This opinion, however, he could no longer retain, when hearrived at an inn on the post-road, and found, upon examination, thatTimothy's lower extremities were covered with blood, and all the rest ofhis body speckled with livid marks of contusion. But he was still morechagrined when the landlord informed him, that he was thirty milesdistant from the place where he had left Aurelia, and that his way laythrough cross-roads, which were almost impassable at that season of theyear. Alarmed at this intelligence, he gave directions that his squireshould be immediately conveyed to bed in a comfortable chamber, as hecomplained more and more; and, indeed, was seized with a fever, occasioned by the fatigue, the pain, and terror he had undergone. Aneighbouring apothecary being called, and giving it as his opinion thathe could not for some days be in a condition to travel, his masterdeposited a sum of money in his hands, desiring he might be properlyattended till he should hear further. Then mounting Bronzomarte, he setout with a guide for the place he had left, not without a thousand fearsand perplexities, arising from the reflection of having left the jewel ofhis heart with such precipitation. 

CHAPTER SIXTEEN

WHICH, IT IS TO BE HOPED, THE READER WILL FIND AN AGREEABLE MEDLEY OFMIRTH AND MADNESS, SENSE AND ABSURDITY. 

It was not without reason that our adventurer afflicted himself; hisfears were but too prophetic. When he alighted at the inn, which he hadleft so abruptly the preceding evening, he ran directly to the apartmentwhere he had been so happy in Aurelia's company; but her he saw not--allwas solitary. Turning to the woman of the house, who had followed himinto the room, "Where is the lady?" cried he, in a tone of impatience. Mine hostess screwing up her features into a very demure aspect, said shesaw so many ladies she could not pretend to know who he meant. "I tellthee, woman, " exclaimed the knight, in a louder accent, "thou neversawest such another--I mean that miracle of beauty"--"Very like, " repliedthe dame, as she retired to the room door. "Husband, here's one as axesconcerning a miracle of beauty; hi, hi, hi. Can you give him anyinformation about this miracle of beauty? O la! hi, hi, hi. "

Instead of answering this question, the innkeeper advancing, andsurveying Sir Launcelot, "Friend, " said he, "you are the person thatcarried off my horse out of the stable. "--"Tell me not of a horse--whereis the young lady?"--"Now, I will tell you of the horse, and I'll makeyou find him too before you and I part. "--"Wretched animal! how dar'stthou dally with my impatience? Speak, or despair--what is become of MissMeadows? Say, did she leave this place of her own accord, or was she--hah! speak--answer, or by the powers above"--"I'll answer you flat--sheyou call Miss Meadows is in very good hands--so you may make yourselfeasy on that score. "--"Sacred Heaven! explain your meaning, miscreant, orI'll make you a dreadful example to all the insolent publicans of therealm. " So saying, he seized him with one hand and dashed him on thefloor, set one foot on his belly, and kept him trembling in thatprostrate attitude. The ostler and waiter flying to the assistance oftheir master, our adventurer unsheathed his sword, declaring he woulddismiss their souls from their bodies, and exterminate the whole familyfrom the face of the earth, if they would not immediately give him thesatisfaction he required. 

The hostess being by this time terrified almost out of her senses, fellon her knees before him, begging he would spare their lives, andpromising to declare the whole truth. He would not, however, remove hisfoot from the body of her husband until she told him, that in less thanhalf an hour after he had sallied out upon the supposed robbers, twochaises arrived, each drawn by four horses; that two men, armed withpistols, alighted from one of them, laid violent hands upon the younglady; and, notwithstanding her struggling and shrieking, forced her intothe other carriage, in which was an infirm gentleman, who called himselfher guardian; that the maid was left to the care of a third servant, tofollow with a third chaise, which was got ready with all possibledespatch, while the other two proceeded at full speed on the road toLondon. It was by this communicative lacquey the people of the housewere informed that the old gentleman his master was Squire Darnel, theyoung lady his niece and ward, and our adventurer a needy sharper whowanted to make a prey of her fortune. 

The knight, fired even almost to frenzy by this intimation, spurned thecarcase of his host; and, his eye gleaming terror, rushed into the yard, in order to mount Bronzomarte and pursue the ravisher, when he wasdiverted from his purpose by a new incident. 

One of the postillions, who had driven the chaise in which Dolly wasconveyed, happened to arrive at that instant; when, seeing our hero, heran up to him cap in hand, and, presenting a letter, accosted him inthese words: "Please your noble honour, if your honour be Sir LauncelotGreaves of the West Riding, here's a letter from a gentlewoman, that Ipromised to deliver into your honour's own hands. "

The knight, snatching the letter with the utmost avidity, broke it up, and found the contents couched in these terms:--

"HONOURED SIR, --The man az gi'en me leave to lat yaw knaw my dear leadyis going to Loondon with her unkle Squaire Darnel. Be not conzarned, honoured sir, vor I'se take it on mai laife to let yaw knaw wheare we bezettled, if zobe I can vind where you loadge in Loondon. The man zaysyaw may put it in the pooblic prints. I houp the bareheir will be honestenuff to deliver this scrowl; and that your honour will pardonYour umbil servant to command, DOROTHY COWSLIP. "

"P. S. --Please my kaind sarvice to laayer Clarke. Squire Darnel's man isvery civil vor sartain; but I'ave no thoughts on him I'll assure yaw. Marry hap, worse ware may have a better chap, as the zaying goes. "

Nothing could be more seasonable than the delivery of this billet, whichhe had no sooner perused than his reflection returned, and he enteredinto a serious deliberation with his own heart. He considered thatAurelia was by this time far beyond a possibility of being overtaken, andthat by a precipitate pursuit he should only expose his own infirmities. He confided in the attachment of his mistress, and in the fidelity of hermaid, who would find opportunities of communicating her sentiments bymeans of this lacquey, of whom he perceived by the letter she had alreadymade a conquest. He therefore resolved to bridle his impatience, toproceed leisurely to London, and, instead of taking any rash step whichmight induce Anthony Darnel to remove his niece from that city, remain inseeming quiet until she should be settled, and her guardian returned tothe country. Aurelia had mentioned to him the name of Doctor Kawdle, andfrom him he expected in due time to receive the most interestinginformation formerly tormented with the pangs of despairing love, whichhad actually unsettled his understanding, he was now happily convincedthat he had inspired the tender breast of Aurelia with mutual affection;and, though she was invidiously snatched from his embrace in the midst ofsuch endearments as had wound up his soul to ecstasy and transport, hedid not doubt of being able to rescue her from the power of an inhumankinsman, whose guardianship would soon of course expire; and in themeantime he rested with the most perfect dependence on her constancy andvirtue. 

As he next day crossed the country, ruminating on the disaster that hadbefallen his squire, and could now compare circumstances coolly, heeasily comprehended the whole scheme of that adventure, which was noother than an artifice of Anthony Darnel and his emissaries to draw himfrom the inn, where he proposed to execute his design upon the innocentAurelia. He took it for granted that the uncle, having been madeacquainted with his niece's elopement, had followed her track by the helpof such information as he received, from one stage to another; and that, receiving more particulars at the White Hart touching Sir Launcelot, hehad formed the scheme in which Crabshaw was an involuntary instrumenttowards the seduction of his master. 

Amusing himself with these and other cogitations, our hero in theafternoon reached the place of his destination, and, entering the innwhere Timothy had been left at sick quarters, chanced to meet theapothecary retiring precipitately in a very unsavoury pickle from thechamber of his patient. When he inquired about the health of his squire, this retainer to medicine, wiping himself all the while with a napkin, answered in manifest confusion, that he apprehended him to be in a verydangerous way from an inflammation of the piamater, which had produced amost furious delirium. Then he proceeded to explain, in technical terms, the method of cure he had followed; and concluded with telling him thepoor squire's brain was so outrageously disordered, that he had rejectedall administration, and just thrown an urinal in his face. 

The knight's humanity being alarmed at this intelligence, he resolvedthat Crabshaw should have the benefit of further advice, and asked ifthere was not a physician in the place? The apothecary, after someinterjections of hesitation, owned there was a doctor in the village, anodd sort of a humourist; but he believed he had not much to do in the wayof his profession, and was not much used to the forms of prescription. He was counted a scholar, to be sure, but as to his medical capacity--hewould not take upon him to say. "No matter, " cried Sir Launcelot, "hemay strike out some lucky thought for the benefit of the patient, and Idesire you will call him instantly. "

While the apothecary was absent on this service, our adventurer took itin his head to question the landlord about the character of thisphysician, which had been so unfavourably represented, and received thefollowing information:--

"For my peart, measter, I knows nothing amiss of the doctor--he's a quietsort of an inoffensive man; uses my house sometimes, and pays for what hehas, like the rest of my customers. They says he deals very little inphysic stuff, but cures his patients with fasting and water-gruel, whereby he can't expect the 'pothecary to be his friend. You knows, master, one must live, and let live, as the saying is. I must say, he, for the value of three guineas, set up my wife's constitution in such amanner, that I have saved within these two years, I believe, forty poundsin 'pothecary's bills. But what of that? Every man must eat, thof atanother's expense; and I should be in a deadly hole myself if all mycustomers should take it in their heads to drink nothing but water-gruel, because it is good for the constitution. Thank God, I have as good aconstitution as e'er a man in England, but for all that, I and my wholefamily bleed and purge, and take a diet-drink twice a year, by way ofserving the 'pothecary, who is a very honest man, and a very goodneighbour. "

Their conversation was interrupted by the return of the apothecary withthe doctor, who had very little of the faculty in his appearance. He wasdressed remarkably plain; seemed to be turned of fifty; had a carelessair, and a sarcastical turn in his countenance. Before he entered thesick man's chamber, he asked some questions concerning the disease; andwhen the apothecary, pointing to his own head, said, "It lies all here, "the doctor, turning to Sir Launcelot, replied, "If that be all there'snothing in it. "

Upon a more particular inquiry about the symptoms, he was told that theblood was seemingly viscous, and salt upon the tongue; the urineremarkably acrosaline; and the faeces atrabilious and foetid. When thedoctor said he would engage to find the same phenomena in every healthyman of the three kingdoms, the apothecary added, that the patient wasmanifestly comatous, and moreover afflicted with griping pains andborborygmata. "A f--t for your borborygmata, " cried the physician; "whathas been done?" To this question, he replied, that venesection had beenthree times performed; that a vesicatory had been applied inter scapulas;that the patient had taken occasionally of a cathartic apozem, andbetween whiles, alexipharmic boluses and neutral draughts. --"Neutral, indeed, " said the doctor; "so neutral, that I'll be crucified if everthey declare either for the patient or the disease. " So saying, hebrushed into Crabshaw's chamber, followed by our adventurer, who wasalmost suffocated at his first entrance. The day was close; thewindow-shutters were fastened; a huge fire blazed in the chimney; thickharateen curtains were close drawn round the bed, where the wretchedsquire lay extended under an enormous load of blankets. The nurse, whohad all the exteriors of a bawd given to drink, sat stewing in thisapartment like a damned soul in some infernal bagnio; but rising whenthe company entered, made her curtsies with great decorum. --"Well, " saidthe doctor, "how does your patient, nurse?"--"Blessed be God for it, Ihope in a fair way. To be sure his apozem has had a blessed effect--five-and-twenty stools since three o'clock in the morning. But then, a'would not suffer the blisters to be put upon his thighs. Good lack!a'has been mortally obstropolous, and out of his senses all this blessedday. "--"You lie, " cried the squire, "I an't out of my seven senses, thofI'm half mad with vexation. "

The doctor having withdrawn the curtain, the hapless squire appeared verypale and ghastly; and having surveyed his master with a rueful aspect, addressed him in these words: "Sir Knight, I beg a boon. Be pleased totie a stone about the neck of the apothecary, and a halter about the neckof the nurse, and throw the one into the next river, and the other overthe next tree, and in so doing you will do a charitable deed to yourfellow-creatures; for he and she do the devil's work in partnership, andhave sent many a score of their betters home to him before their time. "--"Oh, he begins to talk sensibly. "--"Have a good heart, " said thephysician. "What is your disorder?"--"Physic. "--"What do you chieflycomplain of?"--"The doctor. "--"Does your head ache?"--"Yea, withimpertinence. " "Have you a pain in your back?"--"Yes, where the blisterlies. "--"Are you sick at stomach?"--"Yes, with hunger. "--"Do you feel anyshiverings?"--"Always at sight of the apothecary. "--"Do you perceive anyload in your bowels?"--"I would the apothecary's conscience was asclear. "--"Are you thirsty?"--"Not thirsty enough to drink barley-water. "--"Be pleased to look into his fauces, " said the apothecary; "he has gota rough tongue, and a very foul mouth, I'll assure you. "--"I have knownthat the case with some limbs of the faculty, where they stood more inneed of correction than of physic. --Well, my honest friend, since youhave already undergone the proper purgations in due form, and say youhave no other disease than the doctor, we will set you on your legs againwithout further question. Here, nurse, open that window, and throw thesephials into the street. Now lower the curtain, without shutting thecasement, that the man may not be stifled in his own steam. In the nextplace, take off two-thirds of these coals, and one-third of theseblankets. --How dost feel now, my heart?" "I should feel heart-whole, ifso be as yow would throw the noorse a'ter the bottles, and the 'pothecarya'ter the noorse, and oorder me a pound of chops for my dinner, for I beso hoongry, I could eat a horse behind the saddle. "

The apothecary, seeing what passed, retired of his own accord, holding uphis hands in sign of astonishment. The nurse was dismissed in the samebreath. Crabshaw rose, dressed himself without assistance, and made ahearty meal on the first eatable that presented itself to view. Theknight passed the evening with the physician, who, from his firstappearance, concluded he was mad; but, in the course of the conversation, found means to resign that opinion without adopting any other in lieu ofit, and parted with him under all the impatience of curiosity. Theknight, on his part, was very well entertained with the witty sarcasmsand erudition of the doctor, who appeared to be a sort of cynicphilosopher tinctured with misanthropy, and at open war with the wholebody of apothecaries, whom however it was by no means his interest todisoblige. 

Next day, Crabshaw, being to all appearance perfectly recovered, ouradventurer reckoned with the apothecary, paid the landlord, and set outon his return for the London road, resolving to lay aside his armour atsome distance from the metropolis; for, ever since his interview withAurelia, his fondness for chivalry had been gradually abating. As thetorrent of his despair had disordered the current of his soberreflection, so now, as that despair subsided, his thoughts began to flowdeliberately in their ancient channel. All day long he regaled hisimagination with plans of connubial happiness, formed on the possessionof the incomparable Aurelia; determined to wait with patience, until thelaw should supersede the authority of her guardian, rather than adopt anyviolent expedient which might hazard the interest of his passion. 

He had for some time travelled in the turnpike road, when his reverie wassuddenly interrupted by a confused noise; and when he lifted up his eyeshe beheld at a little distance a rabble of men and women, variously armedwith flails, pitchforks, poles, and muskets, acting offensively against astrange figure on horseback, who, with a kind of lance, laid about himwith incredible fury. Our adventurer was not so totally abandoned by thespirit of chivalry, to see without emotion a single knight in danger ofbeing overpowered by such a multitude of adversaries. Without staying toput on his helmet, he ordered Crabshaw to follow him in the chargeagainst those plebeians. Then couching his lance, and giving Bronzomartethe spur, he began his career with such impetuosity as overturned allthat happened to be in his way; and intimidated the rabble to such adegree, that they retired before him like a flock of sheep, the greaterpart of them believing he was the devil in propria persona. He came inthe very nick of time to save the life of the other errant, against whomthree loaded muskets were actually levelled, at the very instant that ouradventurer began his charge. The unknown knight was so sensible of theseasonable interposition, that, riding up to our hero, "Brother, " saidhe, "this is the second time you have holp me off, when I was bumpashore. --Bess Mizzen, I must say, is no more than a leaky bum-boat, incomparison of the glorious galley you want to man. I desire thathenceforth we may cruise in the same latitudes, brother; and I'll bed--ned if I don't stand by you as long as I have a stick standing, or cancarry a rag of canvas. "

By this address our knight recognised the novice Captain Crowe, who hadfound means to accommodate himself with a very strange suit of armour. By way of helmet, he wore one of the caps used by the light horse, withstraps buckled under his chin, and contrived in such a manner as toconceal his whole visage, except the eyes. Instead of cuirass, mail, greaves, and other pieces of complete armour, he was cased in apostillion's leathern jerkin, covered with thin plates of tinned iron. His buckler was a potlid, his lance a hop-pole shod with iron, and abasket-hilt broadsword, like that of Hudibras, depended by a broad buffbelt, that girded his middle. His feet were defended by jack-boots, andhis hands by the gloves of a trooper. Sir Launcelot would not lose timein examining particulars, as he perceived some mischief had been done, and that the enemy had rallied at a distance; he therefore commandedCrowe to follow him, and rode off with great expedition; but he did notperceive his squire was taken prisoner; nor did the captain recollectthat his nephew, Tom Clarke, had been disabled and secured in thebeginning of the fray. The truth is, the poor captain had been sobelaboured about the pate, that it was a wonder he remembered his ownname. 

CHAPTER SEVENTEEN

CONTAINING ADVENTURES OF CHIVALRY EQUALLY NEW AND SURPRISING. 

The knight Sir Launcelot, and the novice Crowe, retreated with equalorder and expedition to the distance of half a league from the field ofbattle, where the former, halting, proposed to make a lodgment in a verydecent house of entertainment, distinguished by the sign of St. George ofCappadocia encountering the dragon, an achievement in which temporal andspiritual chivalry were happily reconciled. Two such figures alightingat the inn gate did not pass through the yard unnoticed and unadmired bythe guests and attendants, some of whom fairly took to their heels, onthe supposition that these outlandish creatures were the avant-couriersor heralds of a French invasion. The fears and doubts, however, of thosewho ventured to stay were soon dispelled, when our hero accosted them inthe English tongue, and with the most courteous demeanour desired to beshown into an apartment. 

Had Captain Crowe been spokesman, perhaps their suspicions would not haveso quickly subsided, for he was, in reality, a very extraordinary novice, not only in chivalry, but also in his external appearance, andparticularly in those dialects of the English language which are used bythe terrestrial animals of this kingdom. He desired the ostler to takehis horse in tow, and bring him to his moorings in a safe riding. Heordered the waiter, who showed them into a parlour, to bear a hand, shiphis oars, mind his helm, and bring alongside a short allowance of brandyor grog, that he might cant a slug into his bread-room, for there wassuch a heaving and pitching, that he believed he should shift hisballast. The fellow understood no part of this address but the wordbrandy, at mention of which he disappeared. Then Crowe, throwing himselfinto an elbow chair, "Stop my hawse-holes, " cried he, "I can't thinkwhat's the matter, brother; but, egad, my head sings and simmers like apot of chowder. My eyesight yaws to and again, d'ye see; then there'ssuch a walloping and whushing in my hold--smite me--Lord have mercy uponus. Here, you swab, ne'er mind the glass, hand me the noggin. "

The latter part of this address was directed to the waiter, who hadreturned with a quartern of brandy, which Crowe, snatching eagerly, started into his bread-room at one cant. Indeed, there was no time to belost, inasmuch as he seemed to be on the verge of fainting away when heswallowed this cordial, by which he was instantaneously revived. 

He then desired the servant to unbuckle the straps of his helmet, butthis was a task which the drawer could not perform, even though assistedwith the good offices of Sir Launcelot, for the head and jaws were somuch swelled with the discipline they had undergone, that the straps andbuckles lay buried, as it were, in pits formed by the tumefaction of theadjacent parts. 

Fortunately for the novice, a neighbouring surgeon passed by the door onhorseback, a circumstance which the waiter, who saw him from the window, no sooner disclosed, than the knight had recourse to his assistance. This practitioner having viewed the whole figure, and more particularlythe head of Crowe, in silent wonder, proceeded to feel his pulse, andthen declared, that as the inflammation was very great, and going on withviolence to its acme, it would be necessary to begin with copiousphlebotomy, and then to empty the intestinal canal. So saying, he beganto strip the arm of the captain, who perceiving his aim, "Avast, brother, " cried he, "you go the wrong way to work; you may as wellrummage the afterhold when the damage is in the forecastle; I shall rightagain when my jaws are unhooped. "

With these words he drew a clasp-knife from his pocket, and, advancing toa glass, applied it so vigorously to the leathern straps of hisheadpiece, that the gordian knot was cut, without any other damage to hisface than a moderate scarification, which, added to the tumefaction offeatures naturally strong, and a whole week's growth of a very bushybeard, produced on the whole a most hideous caricatura. After all, therewas a necessity for the administration of the surgeon, who found diverscontusions on different parts of the skull, which even the tin cap hadnot been able to protect from the weapons of the rustics. 

These being shaved and dressed secundum artem, and the operator dismissedwith a proper acknowledgment, our knight detached one of the post-boys tothe field of action for intelligence concerning Mr. Clarke and squireTimothy, and, in the interim, desired to know the particulars of Crowe'sadventures since he parted from him at the White Hart. 

A connected relation, in plain English, was what he had little reason toexpect from the novice, who, nevertheless, exerted his faculties to theuttermost for his satisfaction. He give him to understand, that insteering his course to Birmingham, where he thought of fitting himselfwith tackle, he had fallen in, by accident, at a public-house, with anitinerant tinker, in the very act of mending a kettle; that, seeing himdo his business like an able workman, he had applied to him for advice, and the tinker, after having considered the subject, had undertaken tomake him such a suit of armour as neither sword nor lance shouldpenetrate; that they adjourned to the next town, where the leather coat, the plates of tinned iron, the lance, and the broadsword, were purchased, together with a copper saucepan, which the artist was now at work upon inconverting it to a shield; but in the meantime, the captain, beingimpatient to begin his career of chivalry, had accommodated himself witha pot-lid, and taken to the highway, notwithstanding all the entreaties, tears, and remonstrances of his nephew, Tom Clarke, who could not howeverbe prevailed upon to leave him in the dangerous voyage he had undertaken. 

That this being but the second day of his journey, he descried five orsix men on horseback bearing up full in his teeth, upon which he threwhis sails aback, and prepared for action; that he hailed them at aconsiderable distance, and bade them bring to; when they came alongside, notwithstanding his hail, he ordered them to clew up their courses, andfurl their topsails, otherwise he would be foul of their quarters; that, hearing this salute, they luffed all at once, till their cloth shook inthe wind; then he hallooed in a loud voice, that his sweetheart, BesseliaMizzen, were the broad pendant of beauty, to which they must strike theirtopsails on pain of being sent to the bottom; that, after having eyed himfor some time with astonishment, they clapped on all their sails, some ofthem running under his stern, and others athwart his forefoot, and gotclear off; that, not satisfied with running ahead, they all of a suddentacked about, and one of them boarding him on the lee-quarter, gave himsuch a drubbing about his upper works, that the lights danced in hislanterns; that he returned the salute with his hop-pole so effectuallythat his aggressor broached to in the twinkling of a handspike, and thenhe was engaged with all the rest of the enemy, except one, who sheeredoff, and soon returned with a mosquito fleet of small craft, who had donehim considerable damage, and, in all probability, would have made prizeof him, had n't he been brought off by the knight's gallantry. He said, that in the beginning of the conflict Tom Clarke rode up to the foremostof the enemy, as he did suppose in order to prevent hostilities, butbefore he got up to him near enough to hold discourse, he was pooped witha sea that almost sent him to the bottom, and then towed off he knew notwhither. 

Crowe had scarce finished his narration, which consisted of broken hintsand unconnected explosions of sea terms, when a gentleman of theneighbourhood, who acted in the commission of the peace, arrived at thegate, attended by a constable, who had in custody the bodies of ThomasClarke and Timothy Crabshaw, surrounded by five men on horseback, and aninnumerable posse of men, women, and children, on foot. The captain, whoalways kept a good look-out, no sooner descried this cavalcade andprocession, than he gave notice to Sir Launcelot, and advised that theyshould crowd away with all the cloth they could carry. Our adventurerwas of another opinion, and determined, at any rate, to procure theenlargement of the prisoners. 

The justice, ordering his attendants to stay without the gate, sent hiscompliments to Sir Launcelot Greaves, and desired to speak with him for afew minutes. He was immediately admitted, and could not help staring atsight of Crowe, who, by this time, had no remains of the humanphysiognomy, so much was the swelling increased and the skin discoloured. The gentleman, whose name was Mr. Elmy, having made a polite apology forthe liberty he had taken, proceeded to unfold his business. He said, information had been lodged with him, as a justice of the peace, againsttwo armed men on horseback, who had stopped five farmers on the king'shighway, put them in fear and danger of their lives, and even assaulted, maimed, and wounded divers persons, contrary to the king's peace, and inviolation of the statute; that, by the description, he supposed theknight and his companion to be the persons against whom the complaint hadbeen lodged; and, understanding his quality from Mr. Clarke, whom he hadknown in London, he was come to wait upon him, and, if possible, effectan accommodation. 

Our adventurer having thanked him for the polite and obliging manner inwhich he proceeded, frankly told him the whole story, as it had been justrelated by the captain; and Mr. Elmy had no reason to doubt the truth ofthe narrative, as it confirmed every circumstance which Clarke had beforereported. Indeed, Tom had been very communicative to this gentleman, andmade him acquainted with the whole history of Sir Launcelot Greaves, aswell as with the whimsical resolution of his uncle, Captain Crowe. Mr. Elmy now told the knight, that the persons whom the captain had stoppedwere farmers, returning from a neighbouring market, a set of peoplenaturally boorish, and at that time elevated with ale to an uncommonpitch of insolence; that one of them, in particular, called Prickle, wasthe most quarrelsome fellow in the whole county; and so litigious, thathe had maintained above thirty lawsuits, in eight-and-twenty of which hehad been condemned in costs. He said the others might be easilyinfluenced in the way of admonition; but there was no way of dealing withPrickle, except by the form and authority of the law. He thereforeproposed to hear evidence in a judicial capacity, and his clerk being inattendance, the court was immediately opened in the knight's apartment. 

By this time Mr. Clarke had made such good use of his time in explainingthe law to his audience, and displaying the great wealth and unboundedliberality of Sir Launcelot Greaves, that he had actually brought over tohis sentiments the constable and the commonalty, tag-rag, and bob-tail, and even staggered the majority of the farmers, who, at first, hadbreathed nothing but defiance and revenge. Farmer Stake being firstcalled to the bar, and sworn touching the identity of Sir LauncelotGreaves and Captain Crowe, declared, that the said Crowe had stopped himon the king's highway, and put him in bodily fear; that he afterwards sawthe said Crowe with a pole or weapon, value threepence, breaking theking's peace, by committing assault and battery against the heads andshoulders of his majesty's liege subjects, Geoffrey Prickle, Hodge Dolt, Richard Bumpkin, Mary Fang, Catherine Rubble, and Margery Litter; andthat he saw Sir Launcelot Greaves, Baronet, aiding, assisting, andcomforting the said Crowe, contrary to the king's peace, and against theform of the statute. 

Being asked if the defendant, when he stopped them, demanded their money, or threatened violence, he answered he could not say, inasmuch as thedefendant spoke in an unknown language. Being interrogated if thedefendant did not allow them to pass without using any violence, and ifthey did not pass unmolested, the deponent replied in the affirmative. Being required to tell for what reason they returned, and if thedefendant Crowe was not assaulted before he began to use his weapon, thedeponent made no answer. The depositions of farmer Bumpkin and Muggins, as well as of Madge Litter and Mary Fang, were taken to much the samepurpose; and his worship earnestly exhorted them to an accommodation, observing, that they themselves were in fact the aggressors, and thatCaptain Crowe had done no more than exerted himself in his own defence. 

They were all pretty well disposed to follow his advice, except farmerPrickle, who, entering the court with a bloody handkerchief about hishead, declared that the law should determine it at next 'size; and in themeantime insisted that the defendants should find immediate bail, or goto prison, or be set in the stocks. He affirmed that they had beenguilty of an affray, in appearing with armour and weapons not usuallyworn, to the terror of others, which is in itself a breach of the peace;but that they had, moreover, with force of arms, that is to say, withswords, staves, and other warlike instruments, by turns, made an assaultand affray, to the terror and disturbance of him and divers subjects ofour lord the King, then and there being, and to the evil and perniciousexample of the liege people of the said lord the King, and against thepeace of our said lord the King, his crown and dignity. 

The peasant had purchased a few law terms at a considerable expense, andhe thought he had a right to turn his knowledge to the annoyance of allhis neighbours. Mr. Elmy, finding him obstinately deaf to all proposalsof accommodation, held the defendants to very moderate bail, the landlordand the curate of the parish freely offering themselves as sureties. Mr. Clarke, with Timothy Crabshaw, against whom nothing appeared, were nowset at liberty; when the former, advancing to his worship, gaveinformation against Geoffrey Prickle, and declared upon oath that he hadseen him assault Captain Crowe without any provocation; and when he, thedeponent, interposed to prevent further mischief, the said Prickle hadlikewise assaulted and wounded him, the deponent, and detained him forsome time in false imprisonment, without warrant or authority. 

In consequence of this information, which was corroborated by diversevidences, selected from the mob at the gate, the tables were turned uponfarmer Prickle, who was given to understand, that he must either findbail, or be forthwith imprisoned. This honest boor, who was in opulentcircumstances, had made such popular use of the benefits he possessed, that there was not a housekeeper in the parish who would not haverejoiced to see him hanged. His dealings and connexions, however, weresuch, that none of the other four would have refused to bail him, had notClarke given them to understand that, if they did, he would make them allprincipals and parties, and have two separate actions against each. Prickle happened to be at variance with the innkeeper, and the curatedurst not disoblige the vicar, who at that very time was suing the farmerfor the small tithes. He offered to deposit a sum equal to therecognisance of the knight's bail; but this was rejected, as an expedientcontrary to the practice of the courts. He sent for the attorney of thevillage, to whom he had been a good customer; but the lawyer was huntingevidence in another county. The exciseman presented himself as a surety;but he not being an housekeeper, was not accepted. Divers cottagers, whodepended on farmer Prickle, were successively refused, because they couldnot prove that they had paid scot and lot, and parish taxes. 

The farmer, finding himself thus forlorn, and in imminent danger ofvisiting the inside of a prison, was seized with a paroxysm of rage, during which he inveighed against the bench, reviled the two adventurerserrant, declared that he believed, and would lay a wager of twentyguineas, that he had more money in his pocket than e'er a man in thecompany; and in the space of a quarter of an hour swore forty oaths, which the justice did not fail to number. "Before we proceed to othermatters, " said Mr. Elmy, "I order you to pay forty shillings for theoaths you have sworn, otherwise I will cause you to be set in the stockswithout further ceremony. "

Prickle, throwing down a couple of guineas, with two execrations more tomake up the sum, declared that he could afford to pay for swearing aswell as e'er a justice in the county, and repeated his challenge of thewager, which our adventurer now accepted, protesting, at the same time, that it was not a step taken from any motive of pride, but entirely witha view to punish an insolent plebeian, who could not otherwise bechastised without a breach of the peace. Twenty guineas being depositedon each side in the hands of Mr. Elmy, Prickle, with equal confidence anddespatch, produced a canvas bag, containing two hundred and seventypounds, which, being spread upon the table, made a very formidable show, that dazzled the eyes of the beholders, and induced many of them tobelieve he had ensured his conquest. 

Our adventurer, asking if he had anything further to offer, and beinganswered in the negative, drew forth, with great deliberation, apocket-book, in which there was a considerable parcel of bank-notes, from which he selected three of one hundred pounds each, and exhibitedthem upon the table, to the astonishment of all present. Prickle, madwith his overthrow and loss, said, it might be necessary to make himprove the notes were honestly come by; and Sir Launcelot started up, inorder to take vengeance upon him for this insult, but was withheld by thearms and remonstrances of Mr. Elmy, who assured him that Prickle desirednothing so much as another broken head, to lay the foundation of a newprosecution. 

The knight, calmed by this interposition, turned to the audience, saying, with the most affable deportment, "Good people, do not imagine that Iintend to pocket the spoils of such a contemptible rascal. I shall begthe favour of this worthy gentleman to take up these twenty guineas, anddistribute them as he shall think proper among the poor of the parish;but, by this benefaction, I do not hold myself acquitted for the share Ihad in the bruises some of you have received in this unlucky fray, andtherefore I give the other twenty guineas to be divided among thesufferers, to each according to the damage he or she shall appear to havesustained; and I shall consider it as an additional obligation, if Mr. Elmy will likewise superintend this retribution. "

At the close of this address, the whole yard and gateway rung withacclamation, while honest Crowe, whose generosity was not inferior evento that of the accomplished Greaves, pulled out his purse, and declared, that, as he had begun the engagement, he would at least go share andshare alike in new caulking their seams, and repairing their timbers. The knight, rather than enter into a dispute with his novice, told him heconsidered the twenty guineas as given by them both in conjunction, andthat they would confer together on that subject hereafter. 

This point being adjusted, Mr. Elmy assumed all the solemnity of themagistrate, and addressed himself to Prickle in these words: "FarmerPrickle, I am both sorry and ashamed to see a man of your years andcircumstances so little respected, that you cannot find sufficient bailfor forty pounds; a sure testimony that you have neither cultivated thefriendship, nor deserved the goodwill of your neighbours. I have heardof your quarrels and your riots, your insolence and litigiousdisposition, and often wished for an opportunity of giving you a propertaste of the law's correction. That opportunity now offers; you have, inthe hearing of all these people, poured forth a torrent of abuse againstme, both in the character of a gentleman and of a magistrate. Yourabusing me personally perhaps I should have overlooked with the contemptit deserves, but I should ill vindicate the dignity of my office as amagistrate, by suffering you to insult the bench with impunity. I shalltherefore imprison you for contempt, and you shall remain in jail untilyou can find bail on the other prosecutions. "

Prickle, the first transports of his anger having subsided, began to bepricked with the thorns of compunction; he was indeed extremely mortifiedat the prospect of being sent to jail so disgracefully. His countenancefell; and, after a hard internal struggle, while the clerk was employedin writing the mittimus, he said he hoped his worship would not send himto prison. He begged pardon of him, and our adventurers, for havingabused them in his passion; and observed, that, as he had received abroken head, and paid two-and-twenty guineas for his folly, he could notbe said to have escaped altogether without punishment, even if theplaintiff should agree to exchange releases. 

Sir Launcelot, seeing this stubborn rustic effectually humbled, became anadvocate in his favour with Mr. Elmy, and Tom Clarke, who forgave him athis request; and a mutual release being executed, the farmer waspermitted to depart. The populace were regaled at our adventurer'sexpense; and the men, women, and children, who had been wounded orbruised in the battle, to the number of ten or a dozen, were desired towait upon Mr. Elmy in the morning, to receive the knight's bounty. Thejustice was prevailed upon to spend the evening with Sir Launcelot andhis two companions, for whom supper was bespoke; but the first thing thecook prepared was a poultice for Crowe's head, which was now enlarged toa monstrous exhibition. Our knight, who was all kindness andcomplacency, shook Mr. Clarke by the hand, expressing his satisfaction atmeeting with his old friends again; and told him softly, that he hadcompliments for him from Mrs. Dolly Cowslip, who now lived with hisAurelia. 

Clarke was confounded at this intelligence, and, after some hesitation, "Lord bless my soul!" cried he, "I'll be shot, then, if the pretendedMiss Meadows wa'n't the same as Miss Darnel!" He then declared himselfextremely glad that poor Dolly had got into such an agreeable situation, passed many warm encomiums on her goodness of heart and virtuousinclinations, and concluded with appealing to the knight, whether she didnot look very pretty in her green joseph. In the meantime, he procured aplaster for his own head, and helped to apply the poultice to that of hisuncle, who was sent to bed betimes with a moderate dose of sack-whey, topromote perspiration. The other three passed the evening to their mutualsatisfaction; and the justice, in particular, grew enamoured of theknight's character, dashed as it was with extravagance. 

Let us now leave them to the enjoyment of a sober and rationalconversation, and give some account of other guests, who arrived late inthe evening, and here fixed their night quarters. But as we have alreadytrespassed on the reader's patience, we shall give him a short respite, until the next chapter makes its appearance. 

CHAPTER EIGHTEEN

IN WHICH THE RAYS OF CHIVALRY SHINE WITH RENOVATED LUSTRE. 

Our hero little dreamed that he had a formidable rival in the person ofthe knight, who arrived about eleven, at the sign of the St. George, and, by the noise he made, gave intimation of his importance. This was noother than Squire Sycamore, who, having received advice that Miss AureliaDarnel had eloped from the place of her retreat, immediately took thefield in quest of that lovely fugitive; hoping that, should he have thegood fortune to find her in present distress, his good offices would notbe rejected. He had followed the chase so close, that, immediately afterour adventurer's departure, he alighted at the inn, from whence Aureliahad been conveyed; and there he learned the particulars which we haverelated above. 

Mr. Sycamore had a great deal of the childish romantic in hisdisposition, and, in the course of his amours, is said to have alwaystaken more pleasure in the pursuit than in the final possession. He hadheard of Sir Launcelot's extravagance, by which he was in some measureinfected, and he dropped an insinuation, that he could eclipse his rival, even in his own lunatic sphere. This hint was not lost upon hiscompanion, counsellor, and buffoon, the facetious Davy Dawdle, who hadsome humour, and a great deal of mischief, in his composition. He lookedupon his patron as a fool, and his patron knew him to be both knave andfool; yet, the two characters suited each other so well, that they couldhardly exist asunder. Davy was an artful sycophant, but he did notflatter in the usual way; on the contrary, he behaved en cavalier, andtreated Sycamore, on whose bounty he subsisted, with the most sarcasticfamiliarity. Nevertheless, he seasoned his freedom with certainqualifying ingredients, that subdued the bitterness of it, and was nowbecome so necessary to the squire, that he had no idea of enjoyment withwhich Dawdle was not somehow or other connected. 

There had been a warm dispute betwixt them about the scheme of contestingthe prize with Sir Launcelot in the lists of chivalry. Sycamore hadinsinuated, that if he had a mind to play the fool, he could wear armour, wield a lance, and manage a charger, as well as Sir Launcelot Greaves. Dawdle, snatching the hint, "I had, some time ago, " said he, "contrived ascheme for you, which I was afraid you had not address enough to execute. It would be no difficult matter, in imitation of the bachelor, SampsonCarrasco, to go in quest of Greaves, as a knight-errant, defy him as arival, and establish a compact, by which the vanquished should obey theinjunctions of the victor. "--"That is my very idea, " cried Sycamore. "--Your idea!" replied the other; "had you ever an idea of your ownconception?" Thus the dispute began, and was maintained with greatvehemence, until other arguments failing, the squire offered to lay awager of twenty guineas. To this proposal, Dawdle answered by theinterjection pish! which inflamed Sycamore to a repetition of thedefiance. "You are in the right, " said Dawdle, "to use such an argumentas you know is by me unanswerable. A wager of twenty guineas will at anytime overthrow and confute all the logic of the most able syllogist, whohas not got a shilling in his pocket. "

Sycamore looked very grave at this declaration, and, after a short pause, said, "I wonder, Dawdle, what you do with all your money?"--"I amsurprised you should give yourself that trouble--I never ask what you dowith yours. "--"You have no occasion to ask; you know pretty well how itgoes. "--"What, do you upbraid me with your favours?--'t is mighty well, Sycamore. "--"Nay, Dawdle, I did not intend to affront. "--"Z----s!affront! what d'ye mean?" "I'll assure you, Davy, you don't know me, ifyou think I could be so ungenerous as to--a--to----"--"I always thought, whatever faults or foibles you might have, Sycamore, that you was notdeficient in generosity, --though to be sure it is often very absurdlydisplayed. "--"Ay, that's one of my greatest foibles; I can't refuse evena scoundrel, when I think he is in want. --Here, Dawdle, take that note. "--"Not I, sir, --what d'ye mean?--what right have I to your notes?"--"Nay, but Dawdle, --come. "--"By no means; it looks like the abuse ofgood-nature;--all the world knows you're good-natured to a fault. "--"Come, dear Davy, you shall--you must oblige me. "--Thus urged, Dawdleaccepted the bank-note with great reluctance, and restored the idea tothe right owner. 

A suit of armour being brought from the garret or armoury of hisancestors, he gave orders for having the pieces scoured and furbished up;and his heart dilated with joy, when he reflected upon the superb figurehe should make when cased in complete steel, and armed at all points forthe combat. 

When he was fitted with the other parts, Dawdle insisted on buckling onhis helmet, which weighed fifteen pounds; and, the headpiece beingadjusted, made such a clatter about his ears with a cudgel, that his eyeshad almost started from their sockets. His voice was lost within thevizor, and his friend affected not to understand his meaning when he madesigns with his gauntlets, and endeavoured to close with him, that hemight wrest the cudgel from his hand. At length he desisted, saying, "I'll warrant the helmet sound by its ringing"; and taking it off, foundthe squire in a cold sweat. He would have achieved his first exploit onthe spot, had his strength permitted him to assault Dawdle; but what withwant of air, and the discipline he had undergone, he had well-nighswooned away; and before he retrieved the use of his members, he wasappeased by the apologies of his companion, who protested he meantnothing more than to try if the helmet was free of cracks, and whether ornot it would prove a good protection for the head it covered. 

His excuses were accepted; the armour was packed up, and next morning Mr. Sycamore set out from his own house, accompanied by Dawdle, who undertookto perform the part of his squire at the approaching combat. He was alsoattended by a servant on horseback, who had charge of the armour, andanother who blowed the trumpet. They no sooner understood that our herowas housed at the George, than the trumpeter sounded a charge, whichalarmed Sir Launcelot and his company, and disturbed honest Captain Crowein the middle of his first sleep. Their next step was to pen achallenge, which, when the stranger departed, was by the trumpeterdelivered with great ceremony into the hands of Sir Launcelot, who readit in these words:--"To the knight of the Crescent, greeting. Whereas Iam informed you have the presumption to lay claim to the heart of thepeerless Aurelia Darnel, I give you notice that I can admit no rivalshipin the affection of that paragon of beauty; and I expect that you willeither resign your pretensions, or make it appear in single combat, according to the law of arms and the institutions of chivalry, that youare worthy to dispute her favour with him of the Griffin. --POLYDORE. "

Our adventurer was not a little surprised at this address, which howeverhe pocketed in silence, and began to reflect, not without mortification, that he was treated as a lunatic by some person, who wanted to amusehimself with the infirmities of his fellow-creatures. Mr. Thomas Clarke, who saw the ceremony with which the letter was delivered, and theemotions with which it was read, hied him to the kitchen forintelligence, and there learned that the stranger was Squire Sycamore. He forthwith comprehended the nature of the billet, and, in theapprehension that bloodshed would ensue, resolved to alarm his uncle, that he might assist in keeping the peace. He accordingly entered theapartment of the captain, who had been waked by the trumpet, and nowpeevishly asked the meaning of that d--ned piping, as if all hands werecalled upon deck? Clarke having imparted what he knew of thetransaction, together with his own conjectures, the captain said, he didnot suppose as how they would engage by candlelight; and that, for hisown part, he should turn out in the larboard watch, long enough beforeany signals could be hove out for forming the line. 

With this assurance the lawyer retired to his nest, where he did not failto dream of Mrs. Dolly Cowslip, while Sir Launcelot passed the nightawake, in ruminating on the strange challenge he had received. He hadgot notice that the sender was Mr. Sycamore, and hesitated with himselfwhether he should not punish him for his impertinence; but when hereflected on the nature of the dispute, and the serious consequences itmight produce, he resolved to decline the combat, as a trial of right andmerit founded upon absurdity. Even in his maddest hours, he neveradopted those maxims of knight-errantry which related to challenges. Healways perceived the folly and wickedness of defying a man to mortalfight, because he did not like the colour of his beard, or the complexionof his mistress; or of deciding by homicide whether he or his rivaldeserved the preference, when it was the lady's prerogative to determinewhich should be the happy lover. It was his opinion that chivalry was anuseful institution while confined to its original purposes of protectingthe innocent, assisting the friendless, and bringing the guilty tocondign punishment. But he could not conceive how these laws should beanswered by violating every suggestion of reason, and every precept ofhumanity. 

Captain Crowe did not examine the matter so philosophically. He took itfor granted that in the morning the two knights would come to action, andslept sound on that supposition. But he rose before it was day, resolvedto be somehow concerned in the fray; and understanding that the strangerhad a companion, set him down immediately for his own antagonist. Soimpatient was he to establish this secondary contest, that by daybreak heentered the chamber of Dawdle, to which he was directed by the waiter, and roused him with a hilloah, that might have been heard at the distanceof half a league. Dawdle, startled by this terrific sound, sprung out ofbed, and stood upright on the floor, before he opened his eyes upon theobject by which he had been so dreadfully alarmed. But when he beheldthe head of Crowe, so swelled and swathed, so livid, hideous, and grisly, with a broadsword by his side, and a case of pistols in his girdle, hebelieved it was the apparition of some murdered man; his hair bristledup, his teeth chattered, and his knees knocked; he would have prayed, buthis tongue denied its office. Crowe seeing his perturbation, "Mayhap, friend, " said he, "you take me for a buccaneer; but I am no such person. --My name is Captain Crowe. --I come not for your silver nor your gold, your rigging nor your stowage; but hearing as how your friend intends tobring my friend Sir Launcelot Greaves to action, d'ye see, I desire inthe way of friendship, that, while they are engaged, you and I, as theirseconds, may lie board and board for a few glasses to divert one another, d'ye see. " Dawdle hearing this request, began to retrieve his faculties, and throwing himself into the attitude of Hamlet when the ghost appears, exclaimed in theatrical accent, Angels and ministers of grace defend us! Art thou a spirit of grace, or goblin damn'd?

As he seemed to bend his eye on vacancy, the captain began to think thathe really saw something preternatural, and stared wildly round. Thenaddressing himself to the terrified Dawdle, "D--n'd, " said he, "for whatshould I be d--n'd? If you are afeard of goblins, brother, put yourtrust in the Lord, and he'll prove a sheet-anchor to you. " The otherhaving by this time recollected himself perfectly, continuednotwithstanding to spout tragedy, and, in the words of Macbeth, pronounced, What man dare, I dare: Approach thou like the rugged Russian bear, The arm'd rhinoceros, or Hyrcanian tiger; Take any shape but that, and my firm nerves Shall never tremble. 

"'Ware names, Jack, " cried the impatient mariner, "if so be as how you'llbear a hand and rig yourself, and take a short trip with me into theoffing, we'll overhaul this here affair in the turning of a capstan. "

At this juncture they were joined by Mr. Sycamore in his night-gown andslippers. Disturbed by Crowe's first salute, he sprung up, and nowexpressed no small astonishment at first sight of the novice'scountenance. After having gazed alternately at him and Dawdle, "Who havewe got here?" said he; "raw head and bloody bones?" When his friend, slipping on his clothes, gave him to understand that this was a friend ofSir Launcelot Greaves, and explained the purport of his errand, hetreated him with more civility. He assured him that he should have thepleasure to break a spear with Mr. Dawdle; and signified his surprisethat Sir Launcelot had made no answer to his letter. It being by thistime clear daylight, and Crowe extremely interested in this affair, hebroke without ceremony into the knight's chamber, and told him abruptlythat the enemy had brought to, and waited for his coming up, in order tobegin the action. "I've hailed his consort, " said he, "a shambling, chattering fellow. He took me first for a hobgoblin, then called menames, a tiger, a wrynoseo'ross, and a Persian bear; but egad, if I comeathwart him, I'll make him look like the bear and ragged staff before wepart, --I wool. "

This intimation was not received with that alacrity which the captainexpected to find in our adventurer, who told him in a peremptory tone, that he had no design to come to action, and desired to be left to hisrepose. Crowe forthwith retired crestfallen, and muttered something, which was never distinctly heard. 

About eight in the morning Mr. Dawdle brought him a formal message fromthe knight of the Griffin, desiring he would appoint the lists, and givesecurity of the field. To which request he made answer in a verycomposed and solemn accent, "If the person who sent you thinks I haveinjured him, let him without disguise or any such ridiculous ceremony, explain the nature of the wrong; and then I shall give such satisfactionas may suit my conscience and my character. If he hath bestowed hisaffection upon any particular object, and looks upon me as a favouriterival, I shall not wrong the lady so much as to take any step that mayprejudice her choice, especially a step that contradicts my own reason asmuch as it would outrage the laws of my country. If he who calls himselfknight of the Griffin is really desirous of treading in the paths of truechivalry, he will not want opportunities of signalising his valour in thecause of virtue. --Should he, notwithstanding this declaration, offerviolence to me in the course of my occasions, he will always find me in aposture of defence. Or, should he persist in repeating hisimportunities, I shall without ceremony chastise the messenger. " Hisdeclining the combat was interpreted into fear by Mr. Sycamore, who nowbecame more insolent and ferocious, on the supposition of our knight'stimidity. Sir Launcelot meanwhile went to breakfast with his friends, and, having put on his armour, ordered the horses to be brought forth. Then he paid the bill, and walking deliberately to the gate, in presenceof Squire Sycamore and his attendants, vaulted at one spring into thesaddle of Bronzomarte, whose neighing and curveting proclaimed the joy hefelt in being mounted by his accomplished master. 

Though the knight of the Griffin did not think proper to insult his rivalpersonally, his friend Dawdle did not fail to crack some jokes on thefigure and horsemanship of Crowe, who again declared he should be glad tofall in with him upon the voyage. Nor did Mr. Clarke's black patch andrueful countenance pass unnoticed and unridiculed. As for TimothyCrabshaw, he beheld his brother squire with the contempt of a veteran;and Gilbert paid him his compliments with his heels at parting. But whenour adventurer and his retinue were clear of the inn, Mr. Sycamoreordered his trumpeter to sound a retreat, by way of triumph over hisantagonist. 

Perhaps he would have contented himself with this kind of victory, hadnot Dawdle further inflamed his envy and ambition, by launching out inpraise of Sir Launcelot. He observed that his countenance was open andmanly; his joints strong knit, and his form unexceptionable; that he trodlike Hercules, and vaulted into the saddle like a winged Mercury. Nay, he even hinted it was lucky for Sycamore that the knight of the Crescenthappened to be so pacifically disposed. His patron sickened at thesepraises, and took fire at the last observation. He affected toundervalue personal beauty, though the opinion of the world had beenfavourable to himself in that particular. He said he was at least twoinches taller than Greaves; and as to shape and air, he would make nocomparisons; but with respect to riding, he was sure he had a better seatthan Sir Launcelot, and would wager five hundred to fifty guineas, thathe would unhorse him at the first encounter. "There is no occasion forlaying wagers, " replied Mr. Dawdle; "the doubt may be determined in halfan hour--Sir Launcelot is not a man to avoid you at full gallop. "Sycamore, after some hesitation, declared he would follow and provoke himto battle, on condition that Dawdle would engage Crowe; and thiscondition was accepted. For, though Davy had no stomach to the trial, hecould not readily find an excuse for declining it. Besides, he haddiscovered the captain to be a very bad horseman, and resolved to eke outhis own scanty valour with a border of ingenuity. The servants wereimmediately ordered to unpack the armour, and, in a little time, Mr. Sycamore made a very formidable appearance. But the scene that followedis too important to be huddled in at the end of a chapter; and thereforewe shall reserve it for a more conspicuous place in these memoirs. 

CHAPTER NINETEEN

CONTAINING THE ACHIEVEMENTS OF THE KNIGHTS OF THE GRIFFIN AND CRESCENT. 

Mr. Sycamore, alias the knight of the Griffin, so denominated from agriffin painted on his shield, being armed at all points, and his friendDawdle provided with a certain implement, which he flattered himselfwould ensure a victory over the novice Crowe, they set out from theGeorge, with their attendants, in all the elevation of hope, and prancedalong the highway that led towards London, that being the road which ouradventurer pursued. As they were extremely well mounted, and proceededat a round pace, they, in less than two hours, came up with Sir Launcelotand his company; and Sycamore sent another formal defiance to the knightby his trumpeter, Dawdle having, for good reasons, declined that office. 

Our adventurer hearing himself thus addressed, and seeing his rival, whohad passed him, posted to obstruct his progress, armed cap-a-pee, withhis lance in the rest, determined to give the satisfaction that wasrequired, and desired that the regulations of the combat might beestablished. The knight of the Griffin proposed, that the vanquishedparty should resign all pretensions to Miss Aurelia Darnel, in favour ofthe victor; that, while the principals were engaged, his friend Dawdleshould run a tilt with Captain Crowe; that Squire Crabshaw and Mr. Sycamore's servant should keep themselves in readiness to assist theirrespective masters occasionally, according to the law of arms; and thatMr. Clarke should observe the motions of the trumpeter, whose provincewas to sound the charge to battle. 

Our knight agreed to these regulations, notwithstanding the earnest andpathetic remonstrances of the young lawyer, who, with tears in his eyes, conjured all the combatants, in their turns, to refrain from an actionthat might be attended with bloodshed and murder; and was contrary to thelaws both of God and man. In vain he endeavoured to move them by tearsand entreaties, by threatening them with prosecutions in this world, andpains and penalties in the next. They persisted in their resolution, andhis uncle would have begun hostilities on his carcase, had he not beenprevented by Sir Launcelot, who exhorted Clarke to retire from the field, that he might not be involved in the consequences of the combat. Herelished this advice so well, that he had actually moved off to somedistance; but his apprehensions and concern for his friends co-operatingwith an insatiable curiosity, detained him in sight of the engagement. 

The two knights having fairly divided the ground, and the sameprecautions being taken by the seconds on another part of the field, Sycamore began to be invaded with some scruples, which were probablyengendered by the martial appearance and well-known character of hisantagonist. The confidence which he derived from the reluctance of SirLauncelot now vanished, because it plainly appeared, that the knight'sbackwardness was not owing to personal timidity; and he foresaw that theprosecution of this joke might be attended with very serious consequencesto his own life and reputation. He therefore desired a parley, in whichhe observed his affection for Miss Darnel was of such a delicate nature, that, should the discomfiture of his rival contribute to make herunhappy, his victory must render him the most miserable wretch uponearth. He proposed, therefore, that her sentiments and choice should beascertained before they proceeded to extremity. 

Sir Launcelot declared that he was much more afraid of combatingAurelia's inclination, than of opposing the knight of the Griffin inarms; and that if he had the least reason to think Mr. Sycamore, or anyother person, was distinguished by her preference, he would instantlygive up his suit as desperate. At the same time, he observed, thatSycamore had proceeded too far to retract; that he had insulted agentleman, and not only challenged, but even pursued him, and blocked uphis passage in the public highway; outrages which he (Sir Launcelot)would not suffer to pass unpunished. Accordingly, he insisted on thecombat, on pain of treating Sycamore as a craven, and a recreant. Thisdeclaration was reinforced by Dawdle, who told him, that, should he nowdecline the engagement, all the world would look upon him as an infamouspoltroon. 

These two observations gave a necessary fillip to the courage of thechallenger. The parties took their stations. The trumpet sounded tocharge, and the combatants began their career with great impetuosity. --Whether the gleam of Sir Launcelot's arms affrighted Mr. Sycamore'ssteed, or some other object had an unlucky effect on his eyesight, certain it is he started at about midway, and gave his rider such aviolent shake as discomposed his attitude, and disabled him from usinghis lance to the best advantage. Had our hero continued his career, withhis lance couched, in all probability Sycamore's armour would have provedbut a bad defence to his carcase; but Sir Launcelot perceiving hisrival's spear unrested, had just time to throw up the point of his own, when the two horses closed with such a shock, that Sycamore, alreadywavering in the saddle, was overthrown, and his armour crashed around himas he fell. 

The victor, seeing him lie without motion, alighted immediately and beganto unbuckle his helmet, in which office he was assisted by the trumpeter. When the headpiece was removed, the hapless knight of the Griffinappeared in the pale livery of death, though he was only in a swoon, fromwhich he soon recovered by the effect of the fresh air, and the aspersionof cold water, brought from a small pool in the neighbourhood. When herecognised his conqueror doing the offices of humanity about his person, he closed his eyes from vexation, told Sir Launcelot that his was thefortune of the day, though he himself owed his mischance to the fault ofhis own horse; and observed, that this ridiculous affair would not havehappened, but for the mischievous instigation of that scoundrel Dawdle, on whose ribs he threatened to revenge this mishap. 

Perhaps Captain Crowe might have saved him the trouble, had the waghonourably adhered to the institutions of chivalry, in his conflict withour novice. But on this occasion, his ingenuity was more commendablethan his courage. He had provided at the inn a blown bladder, in whichseveral smooth pebbles were enclosed; and this he slyly fixed on the headof his pole, when the captain obeyed the signal of battle. Instead ofbearing the brunt of the encounter, he turned out of the straight line, so as to avoid the lance of his antagonist, and rattled his bladder withsuch effect, that Crowe's horse, pricking up his ears, took to his heels, and fled across some ploughed land with such precipitation, that therider was obliged to quit his spear, and lay fast hold on the mane, thathe might not be thrown out of the saddle. Dawdle, who was much bettermounted, seeing his condition, rode up to the unfortunate novice, andbelaboured his shoulders without fear of retaliation. 

Mr. Clarke, seeing his kinsman so roughly handled, forgot his fears, andflew to his assistance; but, before he came up, the aggressor hadretired; and now perceiving that fortune had declared against his friendand patron, very honourably abandoned him in his distress, and went offat full speed for London. 

Nor was Timothy Crabshaw without his share in the noble achievements ofthis propitious day. He had by this time imbibed such a tincture oferrantry, that he firmly believed himself and his master equallyinvincible; and this belief operating upon a perverse disposition, rendered him as quarrelsome in his sphere, as his master was mild andforbearing. As he sat on horseback, in the place assigned to him andSycamore's lacquey, he managed Gilbert in such a manner, as to invadewith his heels the posteriors of the other's horse; and this insultproduced some altercation which ended in mutual assault. The footmanhandled the butt-end of his horsewhip with great dexterity about the headof Crabshaw, who declared afterwards, that it sung and simmered like akettle of cod-fish; but the squire, who understood the nature of longlashes, as having been a carter from his infancy, found means to twinehis thong about the neck of his antagonist, and pull him off his horsehalf strangled, at the very instant his master was thrown by SirLauncelot Greaves. 

Having thus obtained the victory, he did not much regard the punctiliosof chivalry; but, taking it for granted he had a right to make the mostof his advantage, resolved to carry off the spolia opima. Alighting withgreat agility, "Brother, " cried he, "I think as haw yawrs bean't abutcher's horse, a doan't carry calves well--I'se make yaw knaw yourchurning days, I wool--what, yaw look as if yaw was crow-trodden, you do--now, you shall pay the score you have been running on my pate, youshall, brother. "

So saying, he rifled his pockets, stripped him of his hat and coat, andtook possession of his master's portmanteau. But he did not long enjoyhis plunder. For the lacquey complaining to Sir Launcelot of his havingbeen despoiled, the knight commanded his squire to refund, not withoutmenaces of subjecting him to the severest chastisement for his injusticeand rapacity. Timothy represented, with great vehemence, that he had wonthe spoils in fair battle, at the expense of his head and shoulders, which he immediately uncovered, to prove his allegation. But hisremonstrance having no effect upon his master, "Wounds!" cried he, "an Imun gee thee back the pig, I'se gee thee back the poke also; I'm adrubbing still in thy debt. "

With these words, he made a most furious attack upon the plaintiff withhis horsewhip, and, before the knight could interpose, repaid the lacqueywith interest. As an appurtenance to Sycamore and Dawdle, he ran therisk of another assault from the novice Crowe, who was so transportedwith rage at the disagreeable trick which had been played upon him by hisfugitive antagonist, that he could not for some time pronounce anarticulate sound, but a few broken interjections, the meaning of whichcould not be ascertained. Snatching up his pole, he ran towards theplace where Mr. Sycamore sat on the grass, supported by the trumpeter, and would have finished what our adventurer had left undone, if theknight of the Crescent, with admirable dexterity, had not warded off theblow which he aimed at the knight of the Griffin, and signified hisdispleasure in a resolute tone. Then he collared the lacquey, who wasjust disengaged from the chastising hand of Crabshaw, and swinging hislance with his other hand, encountered the squire's ribs by accident. 

Timothy was not slow in returning the salutation with the weapon which hestill wielded. Mr. Clarke running up to the assistance of his uncle, wasopposed by the lacquey, who seemed extremely desirous of seeing the enemyrevenge his quarrel, by falling foul of one another. Clarke, thusimpeded, commenced hostilities against the footman, while Crowe grappledwith Crabshaw; a battle-royal ensued, and was maintained with greatvigour, and some bloodshed on all sides, until the authority of SirLauncelot, reinforced by some weighty remonstrances applied to thesquire, put an end to the conflict. Crabshaw immediately desisted, andran roaring to communicate his grievances to Gilbert, who seemed tosympathise very little with his distress. The lacquey took to his heels;Mr. Clarke wiped his bloody nose, declaring he had a good mind to put theaggressor in the Crown-office; and Captain Crowe continued to ejaculateunconnected oaths; which, however, seemed to imply that he was almostsick of his new profession. "D--n my eyes, if you call this--start mytimbers, brother--look ye, d'ye see--a lousy, lubberly, cowardly son ofa--among the breakers, d'ye see--lost my steerage way--split my binnacle;bawl away--O! d--n all arrantry--give me a tight vessel, d'ye see, brother--mayhap you may n't--snatch my--sea-room and a spanking gale--odds heart, I'll hold a whole year's--smite my limbs; it don't signifytalking. "

Our hero consoled the novice for his disaster, by observing that if hehad got some blows he had lost no honour. At the same time he observed, that it was very difficult, if not impossible, for a man to succeed inthe paths of chivalry, who had passed the better part of his days inother occupations, and hinted that, as the cause which had engaged him inthis way of life no longer existed, he was determined to relinquish aprofession which, in a peculiar manner, exposed him to the mostdisagreeable incidents. Crowe chewed the cud upon this insinuation, while the other personages of the drama were employed in catching thehorses, which had given their riders the slip. As for Mr. Sycamore, hewas so bruised by his fall, that it was necessary to procure a litter forconveying him to the next town, and the servant was despatched for thisconvenience, Sir Launcelot staying with him until it arrived. 

When he was safely deposited in the carriage, our hero took leave of himin these terms: "I shall not insist upon your submitting to the terms youyourself proposed before this rencontre. I give you free leave to useall your advantages, in an honourable way, for promoting your suit withthe young lady of whom you profess yourself enamoured. Should you haverecourse to sinister practices, you will find Sir Launcelot Greaves readyto demand an account of your conduct, not in the character of a lunaticknight-errant, but as a plain English gentleman, jealous of his honour, and resolute in his purpose. "

To this address Mr. Sycamore made no reply, but with a sullen aspectordered the carriage to proceed; and it moved accordingly to the right, our hero's road to London lying in the other direction. 

Sir Launcelot had already exchanged his armour for a riding-coat, hat, and boots; and Crowe, parting with his skull-cap and leathern jerkin, regained, in some respects, the appearance of a human creature. Thusmetamorphosed, they pursued their way in an easy pace, Mr. Clarkeendeavouring to amuse them with a learned dissertation on the law, tending to demonstrate that Mr. Sycamore was, by his behaviour on thatday, liable to three different actions, besides a commission of lunacy;and that Dawdle might be prosecuted for having practised subtle craft tothe annoyance of his uncle, over and above an action for assault andbattery; because, for why? The said Crowe having run away, as might beeasily proved, before any blows were given, the said Dawdle, by pursuinghim even out of the highroad, putting him in fear, and committing batteryon his body, became to all intents and purposes the aggressor; and anindictment would lie in Banco Regis. 

The captain's pride was so shocked at these observations, that heexclaimed with equal rage and impatience, "You lie, you dog, in BilcumRegis--you lie, I say, you lubber, I did not run away; nor was I in fear, d'ye see. It was my son of a bitch of a horse that would not obey thehelm, d'ye see, whereby I cou'd n't use my metal, d'ye see. As for thematter of fear, you and fear may kiss my--So don't go and heave yourstink-pots at my character, d'ye see, or--agad I'll trim thee fore andaft with a--I wool. " Tom protested he meant nothing but a littlespeculation, and Crowe was appeased. 

In the evening they reached the town of Bugden without any fartheradventure, and passed the night in great tranquillity. 

Next morning, even after the horses were ordered to be saddled, Mr. Clarke, without ceremony, entered the apartment of Sir Launcelot, leadingin a female, who proved to be the identical Mrs. Dolly Cowslip. Thisyoung woman, advancing to the knight, cried, "O Sir Launcelot! my dearleady, my dear leady!"--but was hindered from proceeding by a flood oftears, which the tender-hearted lawyer mingled with a plentiful shower ofsympathy. 

Our adventurer starting at this exclamation, "O heavens!" cried he, "where is my Aurelia? speak, where did you leave that jewel of my soul?answer me in a moment--I am all terror and impatience!"

Dolly, having recollected herself, told him that Mr. Darnel had lodgedhis niece in the new buildings by May Fair; that, on the second nightafter their arrival, a very warm expostulation had passed between Aureliaand her uncle, who next morning dismissed Dolly, without permitting herto take leave of her mistress, and that same day moved to another part ofthe town, as she afterwards learned of the landlady, though she could notinform her whither they were gone. That, when she was turned away, JohnClump, one of the footmen, who pretended to have a kindness for her, hadfaithfully promised to call upon her, and let her know what passed in thefamily; but as he did not keep his word, and she was an utter stranger inLondon, without friends or settlement, she had resolved to return to hermother, and travelled so far on foot since yesterday morning. 

Our knight, who had expected the most dismal tidings from her lamentablepreamble, was pleased to find his presaging fears disappointed; though hewas far from being satisfied with the dismission of Dolly, from whoseattachment to his interest, joined to her influence over Mr. Clump, hehad hoped to reap such intelligence as would guide him to the haven ofhis desires. After a minute's reflection, he saw it would be expedientto carry back Mrs. Cowslip, and lodge her at the place where Mr. Clumphad promised to visit her with intelligence; for, in all probability, itwas not for want of inclination that he had not kept his promise. 

Dolly did not express any aversion to the scheme of returning to London, where she hoped once more to rejoin her dear lady, to whom by this timeshe was attached by the strongest ties of affection; and her inclinationin this respect was assisted by the consideration of having the companyof the young lawyer, who, it plainly appeared, had made strange havoc inher heart, though it must be owned, for the honour of this bloomingdamsel, that her thoughts had never once deviated from the paths ofinnocence and virtue. The more Sir Launcelot surveyed this agreeablemaiden, the more he felt himself disposed to take care of her fortune;and from this day he began to ruminate on a scheme which was afterwardsconsummated in her favour. In the meantime he laid injunctions on Mr. Clarke to conduct his addresses to Mrs. Cowslip according to the rules ofhonour and decorum, as he valued his countenance and friendship. Hisnext step was to procure a saddle-horse for Dolly, who preferred this toany other sort of carriage, and thereby gratified the wish of heradmirer, who longed to see her on horseback in her green joseph. 

The armour, including the accoutrements of the novice and the squire, were left in the care of the inn-keeper, and Timothy Crabshaw was sometamorphosed by a plain livery-frock, that even Gilbert with difficultyrecognised his person. As for the novice Crowe, his head had almostresumed its natural dimensions, but then his whole face was so coveredwith a livid suffusion, his nose appeared so flat, and his lips sotumefied, that he might very well have passed for a Caffre or Ethiopian. Every circumstance being now adjusted, they departed from Bugden in aregular cavalcade, dined at Hatfield, and in the evening arrived at theBull and Gate Inn in Holborn, where they established their quarters forthe night. 

CHAPTER TWENTY

IN WHICH OUR HERO DESCENDS INTO THE MANSION OF THE DAMNED. 

The first step which Sir Launcelot took in the morning that succeeded hisarrival in London was to settle Mrs. Dolly Cowslip in lodgings at thehouse where John Clump had promised to visit her; as he did not doubt, that, though the visit was delayed, it would some time or other beperformed, and in that case he might obtain some intelligence of Aurelia. Mr. Thomas Clarke was permitted to take up his habitation in the samehouse, on his earnestly desiring he might be intrusted with the office ofconveying information and instruction between Dolly and our adventurer. The knight himself resolved to live retired, until he should receive sometidings relating to Miss Darnel that should influence his conduct; but heproposed to frequent places of public resort incognito, that he mighthave some chance of meeting by accident with the mistress of his heart. 

Taking it for granted, that the oddities of Crowe would help to amuse himin his hours of solitude and disappointment, he invited that original tobe his guest at a small house, which he determined to hire readyfurnished, in the neighbourhood of Golden Square. The captain thankedhim for his courtesy, and frankly embraced his offer, though he did notmuch approve of the knight's choice in point of situation. He said hewould recommend him to a special good upper deck hard by St. Catherine'sin Wapping, where he would be delighted with the prospect of the streetforwards, well frequented by passengers, carts, drays, and othercarriages; and having backwards an agreeable view of Alderman Parson'sgreat brewhouse, with two hundred hogs feeding almost under the window. As a further inducement, he mentioned the vicinity of the Tower guns, which would regale his hearing on days of salutation; nor did he forgetthe sweet sound of mooring and unmooring ships in the river, and thepleasing objects on the other side of the Thames, displayed in the oozydocks and cabbage-gardens of Rotherhithe. Sir Launcelot was notinsensible to the beauties of this landscape, but, his pursuit lyinganother way, he contented himself with a less enchanting situation, andCrowe accompanied him out of pure friendship. 

At night, Mr. Clarke arrived at our hero's house with tidings that wereby no means agreeable. He told him, that Clump had left a letter forDolly, informing her, that his master, Squire Darnel, was to set outearly in the morning for Yorkshire; but he could give no account of herlady, who had the day before been conveyed, he knew not whither, in ahackney-coach, attended by her uncle and an ill-looking fellow, who hadmuch the appearance of a bailiff or turnkey, so that he feared she was introuble. 

Sir Launcelot was deeply affected by this intimation. His apprehensionwas even roused by a suspicion that a man of Darnel's violent temper andunprincipled heart might have practised upon the life of his lovelyniece; but, upon recollection, he could not suppose that he had recourseto such infamous expedients, knowing as he did, that an account of herwould be demanded at his hands, and that it would be easily proved he hadconveyed her from the lodging in which she resided. 

His first fears now gave way to another suggestion, that Anthony, inorder to intimidate her into a compliance with his proposals, had trumpedup a spurious claim against her, and, by virtue of a writ, confined herin some prison or spunging-house. Possessed with this idea, he desiredMr. Clarke to search the sheriff's office in the morning, that he mightknow whether any such writ had been granted; and he himself resolved tomake a tour of the great prisons belonging to the metropolis, to inquire, if perchance she might not be confined under a borrowed name. Finally, he determined, if possible, to apprise her of his place of abode, by aparagraph in all the daily papers, signifying that Sir Launcelot Greaveshad arrived at his house near Golden Square. 

All these resolutions were punctually executed. No such writ had beentaken out in the sheriff's office; and therefore our hero set out on hisjail expedition, accompanied by Mr. Clarke, who had contracted someacquaintance with the commanding officers in these garrisons, in thecourse of his clerkship and practice as an attorney. The first day theyspent in prosecuting their inquiry through the Gate House, Fleet, andMarshalsea; the next day they allotted to the King's Bench, where theyunderstood there was a great variety of prisoners. There they proposedto make a minute scrutiny, by the help of Mr. Norton, the deputy-marshal, who was Mr. Clarke's intimate friend, and had nothing at all of thejailor, either in his appearance or in his disposition, which wasremarkably humane and benevolent towards all his fellow-creatures. 

The knight having bespoke dinner at a tavern in the Borough, was, together with Captain Crowe, conducted to the prison of the King's Bench, which is situated in St. George's Fields, about a mile from the end ofWestminster Bridge, and appears like a neat little regular town, consisting of one street, surrounded by a very high wall, including anopen piece of ground, which may be termed a garden, where the prisonerstake the air, and amuse themselves with a variety of diversions. Exceptthe entrance, where the turnkeys keep watch and ward, there is nothing inthe place that looks like a jail, or bears the least colour of restraint. The street is crowded with passengers. Tradesmen of all kinds hereexercise their different professions. Hawkers of all sorts are admittedto call and vend their wares as in any open street of London. Here arebutchers' stands, chandlers' shops, a surgery, a tap-house, wellfrequented, and a public kitchen, in which provisions are dressed for allthe prisoners gratis, at the expense of the publican. Here the voice ofmisery never complains; and, indeed, little else is to be heard but thesounds of mirth and jollity. 

At the farther end of the street, on the right hand, is a little pavedcourt, leading to a separate building, consisting of twelve largeapartments, called state rooms, well furnished and fitted up for thereception of the better sort of Crown prisoners; and, on the other sideof the street, facing a separate division of ground, called the commonside, is a range of rooms occupied by prisoners of the lowest order, whoshare the profits of a begging-box, and are maintained by this practice, and some established funds of charity. We ought also to observe, thatthe jail is provided with a neat chapel, in which a clergyman, inconsideration of a certain salary, performs divine service every Sunday. 

Our adventurer, having searched the books, and perused the description ofall the female prisoners who had been for some weeks admitted into thejail, obtained not the least intelligence of his concealed charmer, butresolved to alleviate his disappointment by the gratification of hiscuriosity. 

Under the auspices of Mr. Norton, he made a tour of the prison, and, inparticular, visited the kitchen, where he saw a number of spits loadedwith a variety of provision, consisting of butchers' meat, poultry, andgame. He could not help expressing his astonishment, with upliftedhands, and congratulating himself in secret upon his being a member ofthat community which had provided such a comfortable asylum for theunfortunate. His ejaculation was interrupted by a tumultuous noise inthe street; and Mr. Norton declaring he was sent for to the lodge, consigned our hero to the care of one Mr. Felton, a prisoner of a verydecent appearance, who paid his compliments with a good grace, andinvited the company to repose themselves in his apartment, which waslarge, commodious, and well furnished. When Sir Launcelot asked thecause of that uproar, he told him that it was the prelude to a boxingmatch between two of the prisoners, to be decided in the ground or gardenof the place. 

Captain Crowe, expressing an eager curiosity to see the battle, Mr. Felton assured him there would be no sport, as the combatants were bothreckoned dunghills; "but, in half an hour, " said he, "there will be abattle of some consequence between two of the demagogues of the place, Dr. Crabclaw and Mr. Tapley, the first a physician and the other abrewer. You must know, gentlemen, that this microcosm, or republic innminiature, is like the great world, split into factions. Crabclaw is theleader of one party, and the other is headed by Tapley; both are men ofwarm and impetuous tempers, and their intrigues have embroiled the wholeplace, insomuch that it was dangerous to walk the street on account ofthe continual skirmishes of their partisans. At length, some of the moresedate inhabitants having met and deliberated upon some remedy for thesegrowing disorders, proposed that the dispute should be at once decided bysingle combat between the two chiefs, who readily agreed to the proposal. The match was accordingly made for five guineas, and this very day andhour appointed for the trial, on which considerable sums of money aredepending. As for Mr. Norton, it is not proper that he should bepresent, or seem to countenance such violent proceedings, which, however, it is necessary to connive at, as convenient vents for the evaporation ofthose humours, which, being confined, might accumulate and break out withgreater fury in conspiracy and rebellion. "

The knight owned he could not conceive by what means such a number oflicentious people, amounting, with their dependants, to above fivehundred, were restrained within the bounds of any tolerable discipline, or prevented from making their escape, which they might at any timeaccomplish, either by stealth or open violence; as it could not besupposed that one or two turnkeys, continually employed in opening andshutting the door, could resist the efforts of a whole multitude. 

"Your wonder, good sir, " said Mr. Felton, "will vanish, when you considerit is hardly possible that the multitude should co-operate in theexecution of such a scheme; and that the keeper perfectly wellunderstands the maxim divide et impera. Many prisoners are restrained bythe dictates of gratitude towards the deputy-marshal, whose friendshipand good offices they have experienced; some no doubt are actuated bymotives of discretion. One party is an effectual check upon the other;and I am firmly persuaded that there are not ten prisoners within theplace that would make their escape, if the doors were laid open. This isa step which no man would take, unless his fortune was altogetherdesperate; because it would oblige him to leave his country for life, andexpose him to the most imminent risk of being retaken and treated withthe utmost severity. The majority of the prisoners live in the mostlively hope of being released by the assistance of their friends, thecompassion of their creditors, or the favour of the legislature. Somewho are cut off from all these proposals are become naturalised to theplace, knowing they cannot subsist in any other situation. I myself amone of these. After having resigned all my effects for the benefit of mycreditors, I have been detained these nine years in prison, because oneperson refuses to sign my certificate. I have long outlived all myfriends from whom I could expect the least countenance or favour. I amgrown old in confinement, and lay my account with ending my days in jail, as the mercy of the legislature in favour of insolvent debtors is neverextended to uncertified bankrupts taken in execution. By dint ofindustry and the most rigid economy, I make shift to live independent inthis retreat. To this scene my faculty of subsisting, as well as mybody, is peculiarly confined. Had I an opportunity to escape, whereshould I go? All my views of fortune have been long blasted. I have nofriends nor connexions in the world. I must, therefore, starve in somesequestered corner, or be recaptivated and confined for ever to closeprison, deprived of the indulgences which I now enjoy. "

Here the conversation was broke off by another uproar, which was thesignal to battle between the doctor and his antagonist. The companyimmediately adjourned to the field, where the combatants were alreadyundressed, and the stakes deposited. The doctor seemed of the middle ageand middle stature, active and alert, with an atrabilarious aspect, and amixture of rage and disdain expressed in his countenance. The brewer waslarge, raw-boned, and round as a butt of beer, but very fat, unwieldy, short-winded, and phlegmatic. Our adventurer was not a little surprisedwhen he beheld, in the character of seconds, a male and female strippednaked from the waist upwards, the latter ranging on the side of thephysician; but the commencement of the battle prevented his demanding ofhis guide an explanation of this phenomenon. The doctor retiring somepaces backwards, threw himself into the attitude of a battering-ram, andrushed upon his antagonist with great impetuosity, foreseeing, that, should he have the good fortune to overturn him in the first assault, itwould not be an easy task to raise him up again, and put him in acapacity of offence. But the momentum of Crabclaw's head, and theconcomitant efforts of his knuckles, had no effect upon the ribs ofTapley, who stood firm as the Acroceraunian promontory; and steppingforward with his projected fist, something smaller and softer than asledge-hammer, struck the physician to the ground. 

In a trice, however, by the assistance of his female second, he was onhis legs again, and grappling with his antagonist, endeavoured to tiphim a fall, but instead of accomplishing his purpose, he received across-buttock, and the brewer throwing himself upon him as he fell, hadwell-nigh smothered him on the spot. The amazon flew to his assistance, and Tapley showing no inclination to get up, she smote him on the templetill he roared. The male second hastening to the relief of hisprincipal, made application to the eyes of the female, which wereimmediately surrounded with black circles; and she returned the salutewith a blow, which brought a double stream of blood from his nostrils, greeting him at the same time with the opprobrious appellation of a lousyson of a b---h. A combat more furious than the first would now haveensued, had not Felton interposed with an air of authority, and insistedon the man's leaving the field, an injunction which he forthwith obeyed, saying, "Well, damme, Felton, you're my friend and commander; I'll obeyyour order--but the b---h will be foul of me before we sleep. "--ThenFelton advancing to his opponent, "Madam, " said he, "I'm very sorry tosee a lady of your rank and qualifications expose yourself in this manner--for God's sake, behave with a little more decorum, if not for the sakeof your own family, at least for the credit of your sex in general. "--"Hark ye, Felton, " said she, "decorum is founded upon a delicacy ofsentiment and deportment, which cannot consist with the disgraces of ajail, and the miseries of indigence. --But I see the dispute is nowterminated, and the money is to be drank; if you'll dine with us youshall be welcome; if not, you may die in your sobriety, and be d--ned. "

By this time the doctor had given out, and allowed the brewer to be thebetter man; yet he would not honour the festival with his presence, butretired to his chamber, exceedingly mortified at his defeat. Our hero wasreconducted to Mr. Felton's apartment, where he sat some time withoutopening his mouth, so astonished he was at what he had seen and heard. "I perceive, sir, " said the prisoner, "you are surprised at the manner inwhich I accosted that unhappy woman; and perhaps you will be moresurprised when you hear that within these eighteen months she wasactually a person of fashion, and her opponent, who by the bye is herhusband, universally respected as a man of honour and a brave officer. "--"I am, indeed, " cried our hero, "overwhelmed with amazement and concern, as well as stimulated by an eager curiosity to know the fatal causeswhich have produced such a reverse of character and fortune. But I willrein my curiosity till the afternoon, if you will favour me with yourcompany at a tavern in the neighbourhood, where I have bespoke dinner, afavour which I hope Mr. Norton will have no objection to your granting, as he himself is to be of the party. "--The prisoner thanked him for hiskind invitation, and they adjourned immediately to the place, taking upthe deputy-marshal in their passage through the lodge or entrance of theprison. 

CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE

CONTAINING FURTHER ANECDOTES RELATING TO THE CHILDREN ON WRETCHEDNESS. 

Dinner being cheerfully discussed, and our adventurer expressing an eagerdesire to know the history of the male and female who had acted assquires or seconds to the champions of the King's Bench, Felton gratifiedhis curiosity to this effect:

"All that I know of Captain Clewline, previous to his commitment, is, that he was a commander of a sloop of war, and bore the reputation of agallant officer; that he married the daughter of a rich merchant in thecity of London, against the inclination and without the knowledge of herfather, who renounced her for this act of disobedience; that the captainconsoled himself for the rigour of the parent, with the possession of thelady, who was not only remarkably beautiful in person, but highlyaccomplished in her mind, and amiable in her disposition. Such, a fewmonths ago, were those two persons whom you saw acting in such a vulgarcapacity. When they first entered the prison, they were undoubtedly thehandsomest couple mine eyes ever beheld, and their appearance wonuniversal respect even from the most brutal inhabitants of the jail. 

"The captain, having unwarily involved himself as a security for a man towhom he had lain under obligations, became liable for a considerable sum, and his own father-in-law being the sole creditor of the bankrupt, tookthis opportunity of wreaking vengeance upon him for having espoused hisdaughter. He watched an opportunity until the captain had actuallystepped into the post-chaise with his lady for Portsmouth, where his shiplay, and caused him to be arrested in the most public and shamefulmanner. Mrs. Clewline had like to have sunk under the first transportsof her grief and mortification; but these subsiding, she had recourse topersonal solicitation. She went with her only child in her arms, alovely boy, to her father's door, and, being denied admittance, kneeleddown in the street, imploring his compassion in the most pathetic strain;but this hard-hearted citizen, instead of recognising his child, andtaking the poor mourner to his bosom, insulted her from the window withthe most bitter reproach, saying, among other shocking expressions, 'Strumpet, take yourself away with your brat, otherwise I shall send forthe beadle, and have you to Bridewell. '

"The unfortunate lady was cut to the heart by this usage, and fainted inthe street, from whence she was conveyed to a public-house by the charityof some passengers. She afterwards attempted to soften the barbarity ofher father by repeated letters, and by interesting some of his friends tointercede with him in her behalf; but all her endeavours provingineffectual, she accompanied her husband to the prison of the King'sBench, where she must have felt, in the severest manner, the fatalreverse of circumstance to which she was exposed. 

"The captain being disabled from going to sea, was superseded, and he sawall his hopes blasted in the midst of an active war, at a time when hehad the fairest prospects of fame and fortune. He saw himself reduced toextreme poverty, cooped up with the tender partner of his heart in awretched hovel, amidst the refuse of mankind, and on the brink of wantingthe common necessaries of life. The mind of man is ever ingenious infinding resources. He comforted his lady with vain hopes of havingfriends who would effect his deliverance, and repeated assurances of thiskind so long, that he at length began to think they were not altogethervoid of foundation. 

"Mrs. Clewline, from a principle of duty, recollected all her fortitude, that she might not only bear her fate with patience, but even contributeto alleviate the woes of her husband, whom her affection had ruined. Sheaffected to believe the suggestions of his pretended hope; sheinterchanged with him assurances of better fortune; her appearanceexhibited a calm, while her heart was torn with anguish. She assistedhim in writing letters to former friends, the last consolation of thewretched prisoner; she delivered these letters with her own hand, andunderwent a thousand mortifying repulses, the most shocking circumstancesof which she concealed from her husband. She performed all the menialoffices in her own little family, which was maintained by pawning herapparel; and both the husband and wife, in some measure, sweetened theircares by prattling and toying with their charming little boy, on whomthey doated with an enthusiasm of fondness. Yet even this pleasure wasmingled with the most tender and melancholy regret. I have seen themother hang over him, with the most affecting expression of this kind inher aspect, the tears contending with the smiles upon her countenance, while she exclaimed, 'Alas! my poor prisoner, little did your mother oncethink she should be obliged to nurse you in a jail. ' The captain'spaternal love was dashed with impatience; he would snatch up the boy in atransport of grief, press him to his breast, devour him as it were withkisses, throw up his eyes to heaven in the most emphatic silence, thenconvey the child hastily to his mother's arms, pull his hat over hiseyes, stalk out into the common walk, and, finding himself alone, breakout into tears and lamentation. 

"Ah! little did this unhappy couple know what further griefs awaitedthem! The smallpox broke out in the prison, and poor Tommy Clewline wasinfected. As the eruption appeared unfavourable, you may conceive theconsternation with which they were overwhelmed. Their distress wasrendered inconceivable by indigence; for by this time they were sodestitute, that they could neither pay for common attendance, nor procureproper advice. I did on that occasion what I thought my duty towards myfellow-creatures. I wrote to a physician of my acquaintance, who washumane enough to visit the poor little patient; I engaged a carefulwoman-prisoner as a nurse, and Mr. Norton supplied them with money andnecessaries. These helps were barely sufficient to preserve them fromthe horrors of despair, when they saw their little darling panting underthe rage of a loathsome pestilential malady, during the excessive heat ofthe dog-days, and struggling for breath in the noxious atmosphere of aconfined cabin, where they scarce had room to turn on the most necessaryoccasions. The eager curiosity with which the mother eyed the doctor'slooks as often as he visited the boy; the terror and trepidation of thefather, while he desired to know his opinion; in a word, the whole tenorof their distress baffled all description. 

"At length the physician, for the sake of his own character, was obligedto be explicit; and, returning with the captain to the common walk, toldhim, in my hearing, that the child could not possibly recover. Thissentence seemed to have petrified the unfortunate parent, who stoodmotionless, and seemingly bereft of sense. I led him to my apartment, where he sat a full hour in that state of stupefaction; then he began togroan hideously, a shower of tears burst from his eyes, he threw himselfon the floor, and uttered the most piteous lamentation that ever washeard. Meanwhile, Mrs. Norton being made acquainted with the doctor'sprognostic, visited Mrs. Clewline, and invited her to the lodge. Herprophetic fears immediately took the alarm. 'What!' cried she, startingup with a frantic wildness in her looks, 'then our case is desperate--Ishall lose my dear Tommy!--the poor prisoner will be released by the handof Heaven!--Death will convey him to the cold grave!' The dying innocenthearing this exclamation, pronounced these words, 'Tommy won't leave you, my dear mamma; if death comes to take Tommy, papa shall drive him awaywith his sword. ' This address deprived the wretched mother of allresignation to the will of Providence. She tore her hair, dashed herselfon the pavement, shrieked aloud, and was carried off in a deplorablestate of distraction. 

"That same evening the lovely babe expired, and the father grew frantic. He made an attempt on his own life; and, being with difficultyrestrained, his agitation sunk into a kind of sullen insensibility, whichseemed to absorb all sentiment, and gradually vulgarised his faculty ofthinking. In order to dissipate the violence of his sorrow, hecontinually shifted the scene from one company to another, contractedabundance of low connexions, and drowned his cares in repeatedintoxication. The unhappy lady underwent a long series of hystericalfits and other complaints, which seemed to have a fatal effect on herbrain as well as constitution. Cordials were administered to keep up herspirits; and she found it necessary to protract the use of them to bluntthe edge of grief, by overwhelming reflection, and remove the sense ofuneasiness arising from a disorder in her stomach. In a word, she becamean habitual dram-drinker; and this practice exposed her to suchcommunication as debauched her reason, and perverted her sense of decorumand propriety. She and her husband gave a loose to vulgar excess, inwhich they were enabled to indulge by the charity and interest of somefriends, who obtained half-pay for the captain. 

"They are now metamorphosed into the shocking creatures you have seen; heinto a riotous plebeian, and she into a ragged trull. They are bothdrunk every day, quarrel and fight one with another, and often insulttheir fellow-prisoners. Yet they are not wholly abandoned by virtue andhumanity. The captain is scrupulously honest in all his dealings, andpays off his debts punctually every quarter, as soon as he receives hishalf-pay. Every prisoner in distress is welcome to share his money whileit lasts; and his wife never fails, while it is in her power, to relievethe wretched; so that their generosity, even in this miserable disguise, is universally respected by their neighbours. Sometimes the recollectionof their former rank comes over them like a qualm, which they dispel withbrandy, and then humorously rally one another on their mutual degeneracy. She often stops me in the walk, and, pointing to the captain, says, 'Myhusband, though he is become a blackguard jail-bird, must be allowed tobe a handsome fellow still. '--On the other hand, he will frequentlydesire me to take notice of his rib, as she chances to pass. --'Mind thatdraggle-tailed drunken drab, ' he will say; 'what an antidote it is--yet, for all that, Felton, she was a fine woman when I married her--Poor Bess, I have been the ruin of her, that is certain, and deserve to be d--nedfor bringing her to this pass. '

"Thus they accommodate themselves to each other's infirmities, and passtheir time not without some taste of plebeian enjoyment--but, name theirchild, they never fail to burst into tears, and still feel a return ofthe most poignant sorrow. "

Sir Launcelot Greaves did not hear this story unmoved. Tom Clarke'scheeks were bedewed with the drops of sympathy, while, with much sobbing, he declared his opinion, that an action should lie against the lady'sfather. 

Captain Crowe having listened to the story with uncommon attention, expressed his concern that an honest seaman should be so taken in stays;but he imputed all his calamities to the wife. "For why?" said he; "aseafaring man may have a sweetheart in every port; but he should steerclear of a wife, as he would avoid a quicksand. --You see, brother, howthis here Clewline lags astern in the wake of a snivelling b---h;otherwise he would never make a weft in his ensign for the loss of achild--odds heart! he could have done no more if he had sprung atop-mast, or started a timber. "

The knight declaring that he would take another view of the prison in theafternoon, Mr. Felton insisted upon his doing him the honour to drink adish of tea in his apartment, and Sir Launcelot accepted his invitation. Thither they, accordingly repaired, after having made another circuit ofthe jail, and the tea-things were produced by Mrs. Felton, when she wassummoned to the door, and in a few minutes returning, communicatedsomething in a whisper to her husband. He changed colour, and repairedto the staircase, where he was heard to talk aloud in an angry tone. 

When he came back, he told the company he had been teased by a veryimportunate beggar. Addressing himself to our adventurer, "You tooknotice, " says he, "of a fine lady flaunting about our walk in all thefrippery of the fashion. She was lately a gay young widow that made agreat figure at the court-end of the town; she distinguished herself byher splendid equipage, her rich liveries, her brilliant assemblies, hernumerous routs, and her elegant taste in dress and furniture. She isnearly related to some of the best families in England, and, it must beowned, mistress of many fine accomplishments. But being deficient intrue delicacy, she endeavoured to hide that defect by affectation. Shepretended to a thousand antipathies which did not belong to her nature. A breast of veal threw her into mortal agonies; if she saw a spider, shescreamed; and at sight of a mouse she fainted away. She could not, without horror, behold an entire joint of meat; and nothing butfricassees and other made dishes were seen upon her table. She causedall her floors to be lined with green baize, that she might trip alongthere with more ease and pleasure. Her footmen wore clogs, which weredeposited in the hall, and both they and her chairmen were laid under thestrongest injunctions to avoid porter and tobacco. Her jointure amountedto eight hundred pounds per annum, and she made shift to spend four timesthat sum. At length it was mortgaged for nearly the entire value; but, far from retrenching, she seemed to increase in extravagance, until hereffects were taken in execution, and her person here deposited in safecustody. 

"When one considers the abrupt transition she underwent from her spaciousapartments to an hovel scarce eight feet square; from sumptuous furnitureto bare benches; from magnificence to meanness; from affluence to extremepoverty; one would imagine she must have been totally overwhelmed by sucha sudden gush of misery. But this was not the case. She has, in fact, no delicate feelings. She forthwith accommodated herself to the exigencyof her fortune; yet she still affects to keep state amidst the miseriesof a jail; and this affectation is truly ridiculous. She lies a-bed tilltwo o'clock in the afternoon. She maintains a female attendant for thesole purpose of dressing her person. Her cabin is the least cleanly inthe whole prison; she has learned to eat bread and cheese and drinkporter; but she always appears once a day dressed in the pink of thefashion. She has found means to run in debt at the chandler's shop, thebaker's, and the tap-house, though there is nothing got in this place butwith ready money. She has even borrowed small sums from diversprisoners, who were themselves on the brink of starving. She takespleasure in being surrounded with duns, observing, that by such people aperson of fashion is to be distinguished. She writes circular letters toher former friends and acquaintance, and by this method has raised prettyconsiderable contributions; for she writes in a most elegant andirresistible style. About a fortnight ago she received a supply oftwenty guineas; when, instead of paying her little jail-debts, orwithdrawing any part of her apparel from pawn, she laid out the whole sumin a fashionable suit and laces; and next day borrowed of me a shillingto purchase a neck of mutton for her dinner. She seems to think her rankin life entitles her to this kind of assistance. She talks verypompously of her family and connexions, by whom however she has been longrenounced. She has no sympathy nor compassion for the distresses of herfellow-creatures; but she is perfectly well bred; she bears a repulse thebest of any woman I ever knew; and her temper has never been once ruffledsince her arrival at the King's Bench. She now entreated me to lend herhalf-a-guinea, for which she said she had the most pressing occasion, andpromised upon her honour it should be repaid to-morrow; but I lent a deafear to her request, and told her in plain terms that her honour wasalready bankrupt. "

Sir Launcelot, thrusting his hand mechanically into his pocket, pulledout a couple of guineas, and desired Felton to accommodate her with thattrifle in his own name; but he declined the proposal, and refused totouch the money. "God forbid, " said he, "that I should attempt to thwartyour charitable intention; but this, my good sir, is no object--she hasmany resources. Neither should we number the clamorous beggar amongthose who really feel distress; he is generally gorged with bountymisapplied. The liberal hand of charity should be extended to modestwant that pines in silence, encountering cold, nakedness, and hunger, andevery species of distress. Here you may find the wretch of keensensations blasted by accident in the blossom of his fortune, shiveringin the solitary recess of indigence, disdaining to beg, and even ashamedto let his misery be known. Here you may see the parent who has knownhappier times, surrounded by his tender offspring, naked and forlorn, demanding food, which his circumstances cannot afford. 

"That man of decent appearance and melancholy aspect, who lifted his hatas you passed him in the yard, is a person of unblemished character. Hewas a reputable tradesman in the city, and failed through inevitablelosses. A commission of bankruptcy was taken out against him by his solecreditor, a quaker, who refused to sign his certificate. He has livedthree years in prison, with a wife and five small children. In a littletime after his commitment, he had friends who offered to pay tenshillings in the pound of what he owed, and to give security for payingthe remainder in three years by instalments. The honest quaker did notcharge the bankrupt with any dishonest practices, but he rejected theproposal with the most mortifying indifference, declaring that he did notwant his money. The mother repaired to his house, and kneeling beforehim with her five lovely children, implored mercy with tears andexclamations. He stood this scene unmoved, and even seemed to enjoy theprospect, wearing the looks of complacency, while his heart was steeledwith rancour. 'Woman, ' said he, 'these be hopeful babes, if they wereduly nurtured. Go thy ways in peace; I have taken my resolution. ' Herfriends maintained the family for some time; but it is not in humancharity to persevere; some of them died, some of them grew unfortunate, some of them fell off, and now the poor man is reduced to the extremityof indigence, from whence he has no prospect of being retrieved. Thefourth part of what you would have bestowed upon the lady would make thispoor man and his family sing with joy. "

He had scarce pronounced these words, when our hero desired the man mightbe called, and in a few minutes he entered the apartment with a lowobeisance. "Mr. Coleby, " said the knight, "I have heard how cruelly youhave been used by your creditor, and beg you will accept this triflingpresent, if it can be of any service to you in your distress. " Sosaying, he put five guineas into his hand. The poor man was soconfounded at such an unlooked-for acquisition, that he stood motionlessand silent, unable to thank the donor; and Mr. Felton conveyed him to thedoor, observing that his heart was too full for utterance. But in alittle time his wife bursting into the room with her five children, looked around, and going up to Sir Launcelot without any direction, exclaimed, "This is the angel sent by Providence to succour me and mypoor innocents. " Then falling at his feet, she pressed his hand andbathed it with her tears. He raised her up with that complacency whichwas natural to his disposition. He kissed all her children, who wereremarkably handsome and neatly kept, though in homely apparel; and, giving her his direction, assured her she might always apply to him inher distress. 

After her departure, he produced a bank-note of twenty pounds, and wouldhave deposited it in the hands of Mr. Felton, to be distributed incharities among the objects of the place; but he desired it might be leftwith Mr. Norton, who was the proper person for managing his benevolence, and he promised to assist the deputy with his advice in laying it out. 

CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO

IN WHICH CAPTAIN CROWE IS SUBLIMED INTO THE REGIONS ON ASTROLOGY. 

Three whole days had our adventurer prosecuted his inquiry about theamiable Aurelia, whom he sought in every place of public and of privateentertainment or resort, without obtaining the least satisfactoryintelligence, when he received one evening, from the hands of a porter, who instantly vanished, the following billet:

"If you would learn the particulars of Miss Darnel's fate fail not to bein the fields by the Foundling Hospital, precisely at seven o'clock thisevening, when you shall be met by a person who will give you thesatisfaction you desire, together with his reason for addressing you inthis mysterious manner. "

Had this intimation concerned any other subject, perhaps the knight wouldhave deliberated with himself in what manner he should take a hint sodarkly communicated. But his eagerness to retrieve the jewel he had lostdivested him of all his caution; the time of assignation was already athand, and neither the captain nor his nephew could be found to accompanyhim, had he been disposed to make use of their attendance. He therefore, after a moment's hesitation, repaired to the place appointed, in theutmost agitation and anxiety, lest the hour should be elapsed before hisarrival. 

Crowe was one of those defective spirits who cannot subsist for anylength of time on their own bottoms. He wanted a familiar prop, uponwhich he could disburden his cares, his doubts, and his humours; anhumble friend who would endure his caprices, and with whom he couldcommunicate, free of all reserve and restraint. Though he loved hisnephew's person, and admired his parts, he considered him often as alittle petulant jackanapes, who presumed upon his superior understanding;and as for Sir Launcelot, there was something in his character thatoverawed the seaman, and kept him at a disagreeable distance. He had, inthis dilemma, cast his eyes upon Timothy Crabshaw, and admitted him to aconsiderable share of familiarity and fellowship. These companions hadbeen employed in smoking a social pipe at an alehouse in theneighbourhood, when the knight made his excursion; and returning to thehouse about supper-time, found Mr. Clarke in waiting. 

The young lawyer was alarmed when he heard the hour of ten, withoutseeing our adventurer, who had been used to be extremely regular in hiseconomy; and the captain and he supped in profound silence. Finding, upon inquiry among the servants, that the knight went out abruptly, inconsequence of having received a billet, Tom began to be visited with theapprehension of a duel, and sat the best part of the night by his uncle, sweating with the expectation of seeing our hero brought home abreathless corpse. But no tidings of him arriving, he, about two in themorning, repaired to his own lodging, resolved to publish a descriptionof Sir Launcelot in the newspapers, if he should not appear next day. 

Crowe did not pass the time without uneasiness. He was extremelyconcerned at the thought of some mischief having befallen his friend andpatron; and he was terrified with the apprehensions, that, in case SirLauncelot was murdered, his spirit might come and give him notice of hisfate. Now he had an insuperable aversion to all correspondence with thedead; and taking it for granted that the spirit of his departed friendcould not appear to him except when he should be alone, and a-bed in thedark, he determined to pass the remainder of the night without going tobed. For this purpose, his first care was to visit the garret, in whichTimothy Crabshaw lay fast asleep, snoring with his mouth wide open. Himthe captain with difficulty roused, by dint of promising to regale himwith a bowl of rum punch in the kitchen, where the fire, which had beenextinguished, was soon rekindled. The ingredients were fetched from apublic-house in the neighbourhood; for the captain was too proud to usehis interest in the knight's family, especially at these hours, when allthe rest of the servants had retired to their repose; and he and Timothydrank together until daybreak, the conversation turning upon hobgoblins, and God's revenge against murder. 

The cookmaid lay in a little apartment contiguous to the kitchen; andwhether disturbed by these horrible tales of apparitions, or titillatedby the savoury steams that issued from the punch-bowl, she made a virtueof necessity, or appetite, and dressing herself in the dark, suddenlyappeared before them to the no small perturbation of both. Timothy, inparticular, was so startled, that, in his endeavours to make a hastyretreat towards the chimney-corner, he overturned the table; the liquorwas spilt, but the bowl was saved by falling on a heap of ashes. Mrs. Cook having reprimanded him for his foolish fear, declared, she had gotup betimes, in order to scour her saucepans; and the captain proposed tohave the bowl replenished, if materials could be procured. Thisdifficulty was overcome by Crabshaw; and they sat down with their newassociate to discuss the second edition. 

The knight's sudden disappearing being brought upon the carpet, theirfemale companion gave it as her opinion, that nothing would be so likelyto bring this affair to light, as going to a cunning man, whom she hadlately consulted about a silver spoon that was mislaid, and who told herall the things that she ever did, and ever would happen to her throughthe whole course of her life. 

Her two companions pricked up their ears at this intelligence; and Croweasked if the spoon had been found. She answered in the affirmative; andsaid the cunning man described to a hair the person that should be hertrue lover, and her wedded husband; that he was a seafaring man; that hewas pretty well stricken in years--a little passionate or so; and that hewent with his fingers clinched like, as it were. The captain began tosweat at this description, and mechanically thrust his hands into hispockets; while Crabshaw pointing to him, told her he believed she had gotthe right sow by the ear. Crowe grumbled, that mayhap for all that heshould not be brought up by such a grappling neither. Then he asked ifthis cunning man dealt with the devil, declaring, in that case, he wouldkeep clear of him; for why? because he must have sold himself to OldScratch; and, being a servant of the devil, how could he be a goodsubject to his majesty? Mrs. Cook assured him, the conjurer was a goodChristian; and that he gained all his knowledge by conversing with thestars and planets. Thus satisfied, the two friends resolved to consulthim as soon as it should be light; and being directed to the place of hishabitation, set out for it by seven in the morning. 

They found the house forsaken, and had already reached the end of thelane in their return, when they were accosted by an old woman, who gavethem to understand, that if they had occasion for the advice of afortune-teller, as she did suppose they had, from their stopping at thehouse where Dr. Grubble lived, she would conduct them to a person of muchmore eminence in that profession; at the same time she informed them, that the said Grubble had been lately sent to Bridewell; a circumstancewhich, with all his art, he had not been able to foresee. The captain, without any scruple, put himself and his companion under convoy of thisbeldame, who, through many windings and turnings, brought them to thedoor of a ruinous house, standing in a blind alley; which door havingopened with a key drawn from her pocket, she introduced them into aparlour, where they saw no other furniture than a naked bench, and somefrightful figures on the bare walls, drawn or rather scrawled withcharcoal. 

Here she left them locked in, until she should give the doctor notice oftheir arrival; and they amused themselves with decyphering thesecharacters and hieroglyphics. The first figure that engaged theirattention was that of a man hanging upon a gibbet, which both consideredas an unfavourable omen, and each endeavoured to avert from his ownperson. Crabshaw observed, that the figure so suspended was clothed in asailor's jacket and trowsers; a truth which the captain could not deny, but, on the other hand, he affirmed, that the said figure exhibited thevery nose and chin of Timothy, together with the hump on one shoulder. Awarm dispute ensued, and being maintained with much acrimoniousaltercation, might have dissolved the new-cemented friendship of thosetwo originals, had it not been interrupted by the old sibyl, who, cominginto the parlour, intimated that the doctor waited for them above. Shelikewise told them, that he never admitted more than one at a time. Thishint occasioned a fresh contest. The captain insisted upon Crabshaw'smaking sail a-head, in order to look out afore; but Timothy persisted inrefusing this honour, declaring he did not pretend to lead, but he wouldfollow, as in duty bound. The old gentlewoman abridged the ceremony byleading out Crabshaw with one hand, and locking up Crowe with the other. 

The former was dragged upstairs like a bear to the stake, not withoutreluctance and terror, which did not at all abate at sight of theconjurer, with whom he was immediately shut up by his conductress, aftershe had told him in a whisper, that he must deposit a shilling in alittle black coffin, supported by a human skull and thigh-bones crossed, on a stool covered with black baize, that stood in one corner of theapartment. The squire, having made this offer with fear and trembling, ventured to survey the objects around him, which were very wellcalculated to augment his confusion. He saw divers skeletons hung by thehead, the stuffed skin of a young alligator, a calf with two heads, andseveral snakes suspended from the ceiling, with the jaws of a shark, anda starved weasel. On another funeral table he beheld two spheres, between which lay a book open, exhibiting outlandish characters, andmathematical diagrams. On one side stood an ink-standish with paper; andbehind this desk appeared the conjurer himself, in sable vestments, hishead so overshadowed with hair, that, far from contemplating hisfeatures, Timothy could distinguish nothing but a long white beard, which, for aught he knew, might have belonged to a four-legged goat, aswell as to a two-legged astrologer. 

This apparition, which the squire did not eye without manifestdiscomposure, extending a white wand, made certain evolutions over thehead of Timothy, and having muttered an ejaculation, commanded him, in ahollow tone, to come forward and declare his name. Crabshaw, thusadjured, advanced to the altar; and, whether from design, or (which ismore probable) from confusion, answered, "Samuel Crowe. " The conjurertaking up the pen, and making a few scratches on the paper, exclaimed, ina terrific accent, "How! miscreant! attempt to impose upon the stars?--You look more like a crab than a crow, and was born under the sign ofCancer. " The squire, almost annihilated by this exclamation, fell uponhis knees, crying, "I pray yaw, my lord conjurer's worship, pardon myignorance, and down't go to baind me over to the Red Sea like--I'se apoor Yorkshire tyke, and would no more cheat the stars, than I'd cheat myown vather, as the saying is--a must be a good hand at trapping, thatcatches the stars a napping--but as your honour's worship observed, myname is Tim Crabshaw, of the East Raiding, groom and squair to SirLauncelot Greaves, baron knaight, and arrant-knaight, who ran mad for awench, as your worship's conjuration well knoweth. The person below isCaptain Crowe; and we coom by Margery Cook's recommendation, to seekafter my master, who is gone away, or made away, the Lord he knows howand where. "

Here he was interrupted by the conjurer, who exhorted him to sit down andcompose himself till he should cast a figure; then he scrawled the paper, and waving his wand, repeated abundance of gibberish concerning thenumber, the names, the houses, and revolutions of the planets, with theirconjunctions, oppositions, signs, circles; cycles, trines, and trigons. When he perceived that this artifice had its proper effect in disturbingthe brain of Crabshaw, he proceeded to tell him from the stars, that hisname was Crabshaw, or Crabscaw; that he was born in the East Riding ofYorkshire, of poor, yet honest parents, and had some skill in horses; andthat he served a gentleman whose name began with the letter G--, whichgentleman had run mad for love, and left his family; but whether he wouldreturn alive or dead, the stars had not yet determined. 

Poor Timothy was thunderstruck to find the conjurer acquainted with allthese circumstances, and begged to know if he might be so bauld as to axa question or two about his own fortune. The astrologer pointing to thelittle coffin, our squire understood the hint, and deposited anothershilling. The sage had recourse to his book, erected another scheme, performed once more his airy evolutions with the wand, and having recitedanother mystical preamble, expounded the book of fate in these words:"You shall neither die by war nor water, by hunger or by thirst, nor bebrought to the grave by old age or distemper; but, let me see--ay, thestars will have it so--you shall be--exalted--hah!--ay, that is--hangedfor horse-stealing. "--"O good my lord conjurer!" roared the squire, "I'das lief give forty shillings as be hanged. "--"Peace, sirrah!" cried theother; "would you contradict or reverse the immutable decrees of fate?Hanging is your destiny, and hanged you shall be--and comfort yourselfwith the reflection, that as you are not the first, so neither will yoube the last to swing on Tyburn tree. " This comfortable assurancecomposed the mind of Timothy, and in a great measure reconciled him tothe prediction. He now proceeded in a whining tone, to ask whether heshould suffer for the first fact; whether it would be for a horse or amare, and of what colour, that he might know when his hour was come. Theconjurer gravely answered, that he would steal a dappled gelding on aWednesday, be cast at the Old Bailey on Thursday, and suffer on a Friday;and he strenuously recommended it to him to appear in the cart with anosegay in one hand, and the Whole Duty of Man in the other. "But if incase it should be in the winter, " said the squire, "when a nosegay can'tbe had?"--"Why, then, " replied the conjurer, "an orange will do as well. "

These material points being adjusted to the entire satisfaction ofTimothy, he declared he would bestow another shilling to know the fortuneof an old companion, who truly did not deserve so much at his hands, buthe could not help loving him better than e'er a friend he had in theworld. So saying, he dropped a third offering in the coffin, and desiredto know the fate of his horse Gilbert. The astrologer having againconsulted his art, pronounced that Gilbert would die of the staggers, andhis carcase be given to the hounds; a sentence which made a much deeperimpression upon Crabshaw's mind, than did the prediction of his ownuntimely and disgraceful fate. He shed a plenteous shower of tears, andhis grief broke forth in some passionate expressions of tenderness. Atlength he told the astrologer he would go and send up the captain, whowanted to consult him about Margery Cook, because as how she had informedhim that Dr. Grubble had described just such another man as the captainfor her true love; and he had no great stomach to the match, if so be asthe stars were not bent upon their coming together. 

Accordingly the squire being dismissed by the conjurer, descended to theparlour with a rueful length of face, which being perceived by thecaptain, he demanded, "What cheer, ho?" with some signs of apprehension. Crabshaw making no return to this salute, he asked if the conjurer hadtaken an observation, and told him anything. Then the other replied, hehad told him more than he desired to know. "Why, an that be the case, "said the seaman, "I have no occasion to go aloft this trip, brother. "

This evasion would not serve his turn. Old Tisiphone was at hand, andled him up growling into the hall of audience, which he did not examinewithout trepidation. Having been directed to the coffin, where hepresented half a crown, in hope of rendering the fates more propitious, the usual ceremony was performed, and the doctor addressed him in thesewords: "Approach, Raven. " The captain advancing, "You an't muchmistaken, brother, " said he, "heave your eye into the binnacle, and boxyour compass, you'll find I'm a Crowe, not a Raven, thof indeed they beboth fowls of a feather, as the saying is. "--"I know it, " cried theconjurer, "thou art a northern crow, --a sea-crow; not a crow of prey, buta crow to be preyed upon;--a crow to be plucked, --to be flayed, --to bebasted, --to be broiled by Margery upon the gridiron of matrimony. " Thenovice changing colour at this denunciation, "I do understand yoursignals, brother, " said he, "and if it be set down in the log-book offate that we must grapple, why then 'ware timbers. But as I know how theland lies, d'ye see, and the current of my inclination sets me off, Ishall haul up close to the wind, and mayhap we shall clear Cape Margery. But howsomever, we shall leave that reef in the fore top-sail. --I wasbound upon another voyage, d'ye see--to look and to see, and to know ifso be as how I could pick up any intelligence along shore concerning myfriend Sir Launcelot, who slipped his cable last night, and has lostcompany, d'ye see. "

"What!" exclaimed the cunning man; "art thou a crow, and canst not smellcarrion? If thou wouldst grieve for Greaves, behold his naked carcaselies unburied, to feed the kites, the crows, the gulls, the rooks, andravens. "--"What! broach'd to?" "Dead as a boil'd lobster. "--"Odd'sheart, friend, these are the heaviest tidings I have heard these sevenlong years--there must have been deadly odds when he lowered histop-sails--smite my eyes! I had rather the Mufti had foundered at sea, with myself and all my generation on board--well fare thy soul, flower ofthe world! had honest Sam Crowe been within hail--but what signifiespalavering?" Here the tears of unaffected sorrow flowed plentifully downthe furrows of the seaman's cheeks;--then his grief giving way to hisindignation, "Hark ye, brother conjurer, " said he, "you can spy foulweather before it comes, d--n your eyes! why did not you give us warningof this here squall? B--st my limbs! I'll make you give an account ofthis here d--ned, horrid, confounded murder, d'ye see--mayhap youyourself was concerned, d'ye see. --For my own part, brother, I put mytrust in God, and steer by the compass, and I value not your paw-wawingand your conjuration of a rope's end, d'ye see. "

The conjurer was by no means pleased, either with the matter or themanner of this address. He therefore began to soothe the captain'scholer, by representing that he did not pretend to omniscience, which wasthe attribute of God alone; that human art was fallible and imperfect;and all that it could perform was to discover certain partialcircumstances of any particular object to which its inquiries weredirected. That being questioned by the other man concerning the cause ofhis master's disappearing, he had exercised his skill upon the subject, and found reason to believe that Sir Launcelot was assassinated; that heshould think himself happy in being the instrument of bringing themurderers to justice, though he foresaw they would of themselves save himthat trouble; for they would quarrel about dividing the spoil, and onewould give information against the other. 

The prospect of this satisfaction appeased the resentment, and, in somemeasure, mitigated the grief of Captain Crowe, who took his leave withoutmuch ceremony; and, being joined by Crabshaw, proceeded with a heavyheart to the house of Sir Launcelot, where they found the domestics atbreakfast, without exhibiting the least symptom of concern for theirabsent master. Crowe had been wise enough to conceal from Crabshaw whathe had learned of the knight's fate. This fatal intelligence he reservedfor the ear of his nephew, Mr. Clarke, who did not fail to attend him inthe forenoon. 

As for the squire, he did nothing but ruminate in rueful silence upon thedappled gelding, the nosegay, and the predicted fate of Gilbert. Him heforthwith visited in the stable, and saluted with the kiss of peace. Then he bemoaned his fortune with tears, and by the sound of his ownlamentation was lulled asleep among the litter. 

CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE

IN WHICH THE CLOUDS THAT COVER THE CATASTROPHE BEGIN TO DISPERSE. 

We must now leave Captain Crowe and his nephew Mr. Clarke, arguing withgreat vehemence about the fatal intelligence obtained from the conjurer, and penetrate at once the veil that concealed our hero. Know then, reader, that Sir Launcelot Greaves, repairing to the place described inthe billet which he had received, was accosted by a person muffled in acloak, who began to amuse him with a feigned story of Aurelia, to which, while he listened with great attention, he found himself suddenlysurrounded by armed men, who seized and pinioned down his arms, took awayhis sword, and conveyed him by force into a hackney-coach provided forthe purpose. In vain he expostulated on this violence with three personswho accompanied him in the vehicle. He could not extort one word by wayof reply; and, from their gloomy aspects, he began to be apprehensive ofassassination. Had the carriage passed through any frequented place, hewould have endeavoured to alarm the inhabitants, but it was already clearof the town, and his conductors took care to avoid all villages andinhabited houses. 

After having travelled about two miles, the coach stopped at a large irongate, which being opened, our adventurer was led in silence through aspacious house into a tolerably decent apartment, which he understood wasintended for his bed-chamber. In a few minutes after his arrival, he wasvisited by a man of no very prepossessing appearance, who endeavouring tosmooth his countenance, which was naturally stern, welcomed ouradventurer to his house; exhorted him to be of good cheer, assuring himhe should want for nothing, and desired to know what he would choose forsupper. 

Sir Launcelot, in answer to this civil address, begged he would explainthe nature of his confinement, and the reasons for which his arms weretied like those of the worst malefactor. The other postponed tillto-morrow the explanation he demanded, but in the meantime unbound hisfetters, and, as he declined eating, left him alone to his repose. Hetook care, however, in retiring, to double lock the door of the room, whose windows were grated on the outside with iron. 

The knight, being thus abandoned to his own meditations, began toruminate on the present adventure with equal surprise and concern; butthe more he revolved circumstances, the more was he perplexed in hisconjectures. According to the state of the mind, a very subtlephilosopher is often puzzled by a very plain proposition; and this wasthe case of our adventurer. --What made the strongest impression upon hismind was a notion that he was apprehended on suspicion of treasonablepractices, by a warrant from the Secretary of State, in consequence ofsome false malicious information; and that his prison was no other thanthe house of a messenger, set apart for the accommodation of suspectedpersons. In this opinion he comforted himself by recollecting his ownconscious innocence, and reflecting that he should be entitled to theprivilege of habeas corpus, as the act including that inestimable jewelwas happily not suspended at this time. 

Consoled by this self-assurance, he quietly resigned himself to slumber;but before he fell asleep, he was very disagreeably undeceived in hisconjecture. His ears were all at once saluted with a noise from the nextroom, conveyed in distinct bounces against the wainscot; then a hoarsevoice exclaimed, "Bring up the artillery--let Brutandorf's brigadeadvance--detach my black hussars to ravage the country--let them be newbooted--take particular care of the spur-leathers--make a desert ofLusatia--bombard the suburbs of Pera--go, tell my brother Henry to passthe Elbe at Meissen with forty battalions and fifty squadrons--so ho, youMajor-General Donder, why don't you finish your second parallel?--sendhither the engineer Shittenback--I'll lay all the shoes in my shop, thebreach will be practicable in four-and-twenty hours--don't tell me ofyour works; you and your works be d--n'd. "

"Assuredly, " cried another voice from a different quarter, "he thatthinks to be saved by works is in a state of utter reprobation--I myselfwas a profane weaver, and trusted to the rottenness of works--I kept myjourneymen and 'prentices at constant work, and my heart was set upon theriches of this world, which was a wicked work--but now I have got aglimpse of the new light--I feel the operations of grace--I am of the newbirth--I abhor good works--I detest all working but the working of theSpirit--avaunt, Satan--O! how I thirst for communication with our sisterJolly. "

"The communication is already open with the Marche, " said the first, "butas for thee, thou caitiff, who hast presumed to disparage my works, I'llhave thee rammed into a mortar with a double charge of powder, and throwninto the enemy's quarters. "

This dialogue operated like a train upon many other inhabitants of theplace; one swore he was within three vibrations of finding the longitude, when this noise confounded his calculation; a second, in broken English, complained he vas distorped in the moment of de proshection; a third, inthe character of His Holiness, denounced interdiction, excommunication, and anathemas; and swore by St. Peter's keys, they should howl tenthousand years in purgatory, without the benefit of a single mass. Afourth began to halloo in all the vociferation of a fox-hunter in thechase; and in an instant the whole house was in an uproar. 

The clamour, however, was of a short duration. The different chambersbeing opened successively, every individual was effectually silenced bythe sound of one cabalistical word, which was no other than Waistcoat. Acharm which at once cowed the King of P----, dispossessed the fanatic, dumbfounded the mathematician, dismayed the alchemist, deposed the Pope, and deprived the squire of all utterance. 

Our adventurer was no longer in doubt concerning the place to which hehad been conveyed; and the more he reflected on his situation, the morehe was overwhelmed with the most perplexing chagrin. He could notconceive by whose means he had been immured in a madhouse; but heheartily repented of his knight-errantry, as a frolic which might havevery serious consequences, with respect to his future life and fortune. After mature deliberation, he resolved to demean himself with the utmostcircumspection, well knowing that every violent transport would beinterpreted into an undeniable symptom of insanity. He was not withouthope of being able to move his jailor by a due administration of thatwhich is generally more efficacious than all the flowers of elocution;but when he rose in the morning, he found his pockets had been carefullyexamined, and emptied of all his papers and cash. 

The keeper entering, he inquired about these particulars, and was givento understand, that they were all safe deposited for his use, to beforthcoming at a proper season. But, at present, as he should wantnothing, he had no occasion for money. The knight acquiesced in thisdeclaration, and eat his breakfast in quiet. 

About eleven, he received a visit from the physician, who contemplatedhis looks with great solemnity; and having examined his pulse, shookhis head, saying, "Well, sir, how d'ye do?--come, don't be dejected--everything is for the best--you are in very good hands, sir, I assureyou; and I dare say will refuse nothing that may be thought conducive tothe recovery of your health. "

"Doctor, " said our hero, "if it is not an improper question to ask, Ishould be glad to know your opinion of my disorder. "--"Oh! sir, as tothat, " replied the physician, "your disorder is a--kind of a--sir, 'tisvery common in this country--a sort of a"----"Do you think my distemperis madness, doctor?"--"O Lord, sir, --not absolute madness--no--notmadness--you have heard, no doubt, of what is called a weakness of thenerves, sir, --though that is a very inaccurate expression; for thisphrase, denoting a morbid excess of sensation, seems to imply thatsensation itself is owing to the loose cohesion of those materialparticles which constitute the nervous substance, inasmuch as thequantity of every effect must be proportionable to its cause; now you'llplease to take notice, sir, if the case were really what these words seemto import, all bodies, whose particles do not cohere with too great adegree of proximity, would be nervous; that is, endued with sensation. Sir, I shall order some cooling things to keep you in due temperature;and you'll do very well--sir, your humble servant. "

So saying, he retired, and our adventurer could not but think it was veryhard that one man should not dare to ask the most ordinary questionwithout being reputed mad, while another should talk nonsense by thehour, and yet be esteemed as an oracle. 

The master of the house finding Sir Launcelot so tame and tractable, indulged him after dinner with a walk in a little private garden, underthe eye of a servant who followed him at a distance. Here he was salutedby a brother-prisoner, a man seemingly turned of thirty, tall and thin, with staring eyes, a hook-nose, and a face covered with pimples. 

The usual compliments having passed, the stranger, without furtherceremony, asked him if he would oblige him with a chew of tobacco, orcould spare him a mouthful of any sort of cordial, declaring he had nottasted brandy since he came to the house. The knight assured him it wasnot in his power to comply with his request; and began to ask somequestions relating to the character of their landlord, which the strangerrepresented in very unfavourable colours. He described him as a ruffian, capable of undertaking the darkest scenes of villany. He said his housewas a repository of the most flagrant iniquities. That it containedfathers kidnapped by their children, wives confined by their husbands, gentlemen of fortune sequestered by their relations, and innocent personsimmured by the malice of their adversaries. He affirmed this was his owncase; and asked if our hero had never heard of Dick Distich, the poet andsatirist. "Ben Bullock and I, " said he, "were confident against theworld in arms--did you never see his ode to me beginning with 'Fairblooming youth'? We were sworn brothers, admired and praised, and quotedeach other, sir. We denounced war against all the world, actors, authors, and critics; and having drawn the sword, threw away thescabbard--we pushed through thick and thin, hacked and hewed helterskelter, and became as formidable to the writers of the age as theBoeotian band of Thebes. My friend Bullock, indeed, was once rolled inthe kennel; but soon

 He vig'rous rose, and from th' effluvia strong Imbib'd new life, and scour'd and stunk along. 

"Here is a satire, which I wrote in an alehouse when I was drunk--I canprove it by the evidence of the landlord and his wife; I fancy you'll ownI have some right to say with my friend Horace, Qui me commorit, (melius non tangere clamo, ) Flebit, et insignis tota cantabitur urbe. "

The knight, having perused the papers, declared his opinion that theverses were tolerably good; but at the same time observed that the authorhad reviled as ignorant dunces several persons who had writ withreputation, and were generally allowed to have genius; a circumstancethat would detract more from his candour than could be allowed to hiscapacity. 

"D--n their genius!" cried the satirist, "a pack of impertinent rascals!I tell you, sir, Ben Bullock and I had determined to crush all that werenot of our own party. Besides, I said before, this piece was written indrink. "--"Was you drunk too when it was printed and published?"--"Yes, the printer shall make affidavit that I was never otherwise than drunk ormaudlin, till my enemies, on pretence that my brain was turned, conveyedme to this infernal mansion"--

"They seem to have been your best friends, " said the knight, "and haveput the most tender interpretation on your conduct; for, waiving the pleaof insanity, your character must stand as that of a man who hath somesmall share of genius, without an atom of integrity. Of all those whomPope lashed in his Dunciad, there was not one who did not richly deservethe imputation of dulness, and every one of them had provoked thesatirist by a personal attack. In this respect the English poet was muchmore honest than his French pattern Boileau, who stigmatised several menof acknowledged genius; such as Quinault, Perrault, and the celebratedLulli; for which reason every man of a liberal turn must, in spite of allhis poetical merit, despise him as a rancorous knave. If thisdisingenuous conduct cannot be forgiven in a writer of his superiorgenius, who will pardon it in you whose name is not half emerged fromobscurity?"

"Hark ye, friend, " replied the bard, "keep your pardon and your counselfor those who ask it; or, if you will force them upon people, take onepiece of advice in return. If you don't like your present situation, apply for a committee without delay. They'll find you too much of a foolto have the least tincture of madness; and you'll be released withoutfurther scruple. In that case I shall rejoice in your deliverance; youwill be freed from confinement, and I shall be happily deprived of yourconversation. "

So saying, he flew off at a tangent, and our knight could not helpsmiling at the peculiar virulence of his disposition. Sir Launcelot thenendeavoured to enter into conversation with his attendant, by asking howlong Mr. Distich had resided in the house; but he might as well haveaddressed himself to a Turkish mute. The fellow either pretendedignorance, or refused an answer to every question that was proposed. Hewould not even disclose the name of his landlord, nor inform himwhereabouts the house was situated. 

Finding himself agitated with impatience and indignation, he returned tohis apartment, and the door being locked upon him, began to review, notwithout horror, the particulars of his fate. "How little reason, " saidhe to himself, "have we to boast of the blessings enjoyed by the Britishsubject, if he holds them on such a precarious tenure; if a man of rankand property may be thus kidnapped even in the midst of the capital; ifhe may be seized by ruffians, insulted, robbed, and conveyed to such aprison as this, from which there seems to be no possibility of escape!Should I be indulged with pen, ink, and paper, and appeal to myrelations, or to the magistrates of my country, my letters would beintercepted by those who superintend my confinement. Should I try toalarm the neighbourhood, my cries would be neglected as those of someunhappy lunatic under necessary correction. Should I employ the forcewhich Heaven has lent me, I might imbrue my hands in blood, and after allfind it impossible to escape through a number of successive doors, locks, bolts, and sentinels. Should I endeavour to tamper with the servant, hemight discover my design, and then I should be abridged of the littlecomfort I enjoy. People may inveigh against the Bastile in France, andthe Inquisition in Portugal; but I would ask, if either of these be inreality so dangerous or dreadful as a private madhouse in England, underthe direction of a ruffian? The Bastile is a state prison, theInquisition is a spiritual tribunal; but both are under the direction ofgovernment. It seldom, if ever, happens that a man entirely innocent isconfined in either; or, if he should, he lays his account with a legaltrial before established judges. But, in England, the most innocentperson upon earth is liable to be immured for life under the pretext oflunacy, sequestered from his wife, children, and friends, robbed of hisfortune, deprived even of necessaries, and subjected to the most brutaltreatment from a low-bred barbarian, who raises an ample fortune on themisery of his fellow-creatures, and may, during his whole life, practisethis horrid oppression, without question or control. "

This uncomfortable reverie was interrupted by a very unexpected soundthat seemed to issue from the other side of a thick party-wall. It was astrain of vocal music, more plaintive than the widowed turtle's moan, more sweet and ravishing than Philomel's love-warbled song. Through hisear it instantly pierced into his heart; for at once he recognised it tobe the voice of his adored Aurelia. Heavens! what was the agitation ofhis soul, when he made this discovery! how did every nerve quiver! howdid his heart throb with the most violent emotion! he ran round the roomin distraction, foaming like a lion in the toil--then he placed his earclose to the partition, and listened as if his whole soul was exerted inhis sense of hearing. When the sound ceased to vibrate on his ear, hethrew himself on the bed; he groaned with anguish, he exclaimed in brokenaccents; and in all probability his heart would have burst, had not theviolence of his sorrow found vent in a flood of tears. 

These first transports were succeeded by a fit of impatience, which hadwell-nigh deprived him of his senses in good earnest. His surprise atfinding his lost Aurelia in such a place, the seeming impossibility ofrelieving her, and his unspeakable eagerness to contrive some scheme forprofiting by the interesting discovery he had made, concurred in brewingup a second ecstasy, during which he acted a thousand extravagances, which it was well for him the attendants did not observe. Perhaps it waswell for the servant that he did not enter while the paroxysm prevailed. Had this been the case, he might have met with the fate of Lichas, whomHercules in his frenzy destroyed. 

Before the cloth was laid for supper, he was calm enough to conceal thedisorder of his mind. But he complained of the headache, and desired hemight be next day visited by the physician, to whom he resolved toexplain himself in such a manner, as should make an impression upon him, provided he was not altogether destitute of conscience and humanity. 

CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR

THE KNOT THAT PUZZLES HUMAN WISDOM, THE HAND OF FORTUNE SOMETIMES WILLUNTIE FAMILIAR AS HER GARTER. 

When the doctor made his next appearance in Sir Launcelot's apartment, the knight addressed him in these words: "Sir, the practice of medicineis one of the most honourable professions exercised among the sons ofmen; a profession which hath been revered at all periods, and in allnations, and even held sacred in the most polished ages of antiquity. The scope of it is to preserve the being, and confirm the health of ourfellow-creatures; of consequence, to sustain the blessings of society, and crown life with fruition. The character of a physician, therefore, not only supposes natural sagacity, and acquired erudition, but it alsoimplies every delicacy of sentiment, every tenderness of nature, andevery virtue of humanity. That these qualities are centred in you, doctor, I would willingly believe. But it will be sufficient for mypurpose, that you are possessed of common integrity. To whose concern Iam indebted for your visits, you best know. But if you understand theart of medicine, you must be sensible by this time, that, with respect tome, your prescriptions are altogether unnecessary. 

"Come, sir, you cannot--you don't believe that my intellects aredisordered. Yet, granting me to be really under the influence of thatdeplorable malady, no person has a right to treat me as a lunatic, or tosue out a commission, but my nearest kindred. --That you may not pleadignorance of my name and family, you shall understand that I am SirLauncelot Greaves, of the county of York, Baronet; and that my nearestrelation is Sir Reginald Meadows, of Cheshire, the eldest son of mymother's sister--that gentleman, I am sure, had no concern in seducing meby false pretences under the clouds of night into the fields, where I wassurprised, overpowered, and kidnapped by armed ruffians. Had he reallybelieved me insane, he would have proceeded according to the dictates ofhonour, humanity, and the laws of his country. Situated as I am, I havea right, by making application to the Lord Chancellor, to be tried by ajury of honest men. But of that right I cannot avail myself, while Iremain at the mercy of a brutal miscreant, in whose house I am enclosed, unless you contribute your assistance. Your assistance, therefore, Idemand, as you are a gentleman, a Christian, and a fellow-subject, who, though every other motive should be overlooked, ought to interest himselfin my case as a common concern, and concur with all your power towardsthe punishment of those who dare commit such outrages against the libertyof your country. "

The doctor seemed to be a little disconcerted; but, after somerecollection, resumed his air of sufficiency and importance, and assuredour adventurer he would do him all the service in his power; but in themeantime advised him to take the potion he had prescribed. 

The knight's eyes lightening with indignation, "I am now convinced, "cried he, "that you are an accomplice in the villany which has beenpractised upon me; that you are a sordid wretch, without principle orfeeling, a disgrace to the faculty, and a reproach to human nature--yes, sirrah, you are the most perfidious of all assassins--you are thehireling minister of the worst of all villains; who, from motives evenbaser than malice, envy, and revenge, rob the innocent of all thecomforts of life, brand them with the imputation of madness, the mostcruel species of slander, and wantonly protract their misery, by leavingthem in the most shocking confinement, a prey to reflections infinitelymore bitter than death but I will be calm--do me justice at your peril. I demand the protection of the legislature--if I am refused--remember aday of reckoning will come--you and the rest of the miscreants who havecombined against me, must, in order to cloak your treachery, haverecourse to murder, --an expedient which I believe you very capable ofembracing, --or a man of my rank and character cannot be much longerconcealed. Tremble, caitiff, at the thoughts of my release--in themeantime, be gone, lest my just resentment impel me to dash your brainsout upon that marble--away"----

The honest doctor was not so firmly persuaded of his patient's lunacy asto reject his advice, which he made what haste he could to follow, whenan unexpected accident intervened. 

That this may be properly introduced, we must return to the knight'sbrace of trusty friends, Captain Crowe and lawyer Clarke, whom we left insorrowful deliberation upon the fate of their patron. Clarke's geniusbeing rather more fruitful in resources than that of the seaman, hesuggested an advertisement, which was accordingly inserted in the dailypapers; importing that, "Whereas a gentleman of considerable rank andfortune had suddenly disappeared, on such a night, from his house nearGolden Square, in consequence of a letter delivered to him by a porter;and there is great reason to believe some violence hath been offered tohis life; any person capable of giving such information as may tend toclear up this dark transaction, shall, by applying to Mr. Thomas Clarke, attorney, at his lodgings in Upper Brook Street, receive proper securityfor the reward of one hundred guineas, to be paid to him upon his makingthe discovery required. "

The porter who delivered the letter appeared accordingly, but could giveno other information, except that it was put into his hand with ashilling, by a man muffled up in a greatcoat, who stopped him for thepurpose, in his passing through Queen Street. It was necessary that theadvertisement should produce an effect upon another person, who was noother than the hackney-coachman who drove our hero to the place of hisimprisonment. This fellow had been enjoined secrecy; and, indeed, bribedto hold his tongue, by a considerable gratification, which, it wassupposed, would have been effectual, as the man was a master coachman ingood circumstances, and well known to the keeper of the madhouse, by whomhe had been employed on former occasions of the same nature. Perhaps hisfidelity to his employer, reinforced by the hope of many future jobs ofthat kind, might have been proof against the offer of fifty pounds; butdouble that sum was a temptation he could not resist. He no sooner readthe intimation in the Daily Advertiser, over his morning's pot at analehouse, than he entered into consultation with his own thoughts; and, having no reason to doubt that this was the very fare he had conveyed, heresolved to earn the reward, and abstain from all such adventures in timecoming. He had the precaution, however, to take an attorney along withhim to Mr. Clarke, who entered into a conditional bond; and, with theassistance of his uncle, deposited the money, to be forthcoming when theconditions should be fulfilled. These previous measures being taken, thecoachman declared what he knew, and discovered the house in which SirLauncelot had been immured. He, moreover, accompanied our two adherentsto a judge's chamber, where he made oath to the truth of his information;and a warrant was immediately granted to search the house of BernardShackle, and set at liberty Sir Launcelot Greaves, if there found. 

Fortified with this authority, they engaged a constable, with aformidable posse, and, embarking them in coaches, repaired with allpossible expedition to the house of Mr. Shackle, who did not think properto dispute their claim, but admitted them, though not without betrayingevident symptoms of consternation. One of the servants directing them, by his master's order, to Sir Launcelot's apartment, they hurriedupstairs in a body, occasioning such a noise as did not fail to alarm thephysician, who had just opened the door to retire, when he perceivedtheir irruption. Captain Crowe conjecturing he was guilty from theconfusion that appeared in his countenance, made no scruple of seizinghim by the collar as he endeavoured to retreat; while the tender-heartedTom Clarke, running up to the knight, with his eyes brimful of joy andaffection, forgot all the forms of distant respect, and throwing his armsround his neck, blubbered in his bosom. 

Our hero did not receive this proof of attachment unmoved. He strainedhim in his embrace, honoured him with the title of his deliverer, andasked him by what miracle he had discovered the place of his confinement. The lawyer began to unfold the various steps he had taken with equalminuteness and self-complacency, when Crowe, dragging the doctor still bythe collar, shook his old friend by the hand, protesting he was never sooverjoyed since he got clear of a Sallee rover on the coast of Barbary;and that two glasses ago he would have started all the money he had inthe world in the hold of any man who would have shown Sir Launcelot safeat his moorings. The knight having made a proper return to this sinceremanifestation of goodwill, desired him to dismiss that worthless fellow, meaning the doctor; who, finding himself released, withdrew with someprecipitation. 

Then our adventurer, attended by his friends, walked off with adeliberate pace to the outward gate, which he found open, and gettinginto one of the coaches, was entertained by the way to his own house witha detail of every measure which had been pursued for his release. 

In his own parlour he found Mrs. Dolly Cowslip, who had been waiting withgreat fear and impatience for the issue of Mr. Clarke's adventure. Shenow fell upon her knees, and bathed the knight's hands with tears of joy;while the face of this young woman, recalling the idea of her mistress, roused his heart to strong emotions, and stimulated his mind to theimmediate achievement he had already planned. As for Mr. Crabshaw, hewas not the last to signify his satisfaction at his master's return. After having kissed the hem of his garment, he retired to the stable, where he communicated these tidings to his friend Gilbert, whom hesaddled and bridled; the same office he performed for Bronzomarte; thenputting on his squire-like attire and accoutrements, he mounted one, andled the other to the knight's door, before which he paraded, uttering, from time to time, repeated shouts, to the no small entertainment of thepopulace, until he received orders to house his companions. Thuscommanded, he led them back to their stalls, resumed his livery, andrejoined his fellow-servants, who were resolved to celebrate the day withbanquets and rejoicings. 

Their master's heart was not sufficiently at ease to share in theirfestivity. He held a consultation with his friends in the parlour, whomhe acquainted with the reasons he had to believe Miss Darnel was confinedin the same house which had been his prison; a circumstance which filledthem with equal pleasure and astonishment. Dolly in particular, weepingplentifully, conjured him to deliver her dear lady without delay. Nothing now remained but to concert the plan for her deliverance. AsAurelia had informed Dolly of her connexion with Mrs. Kawdle, at whosehouse she proposed to lodge, before she was overtaken on the road by heruncle, this particular was now imparted to the council, and struck alight which seemed to point out the direct way to Miss Darnel'senlargement. 

Our hero, accompanied by Mrs. Cowslip and Tom Clarke, set out immediatelyfor the house of Dr. Kawdle, who happened to be abroad, but his wifereceived them with great courtesy. She was a well-bred, sensible, genteel woman, and strongly attached to Aurelia by the ties of affection, as well as of consanguinity. She no sooner learned the situation of hercousin than she expressed the most impatient concern for her being set atliberty, and assured Sir Launcelot she would concur in any scheme heshould propose for that purpose. There was no room for hesitation orchoice; he attended her immediately to the judge, who, upon properapplication, issued another search-warrant for Aurelia Darnel. Theconstable and his posse were again retained, and Sir Launcelot Greavesonce more crossed the threshold of Mr. Bernard Shackle. Nor was thesearch-warrant the only implement of justice with which he had furnishedhimself for this visit. In going thither they agreed upon the method inwhich they should introduce themselves gradually to Miss Darnel, that hertender nature might not be too much shocked by their sudden appearance. 

When they arrived at the house, therefore, and produced theircredentials, in consequence of which a female attendant was directed toshow the lady's apartment, Mrs. Dolly first entered the chamber of theaccomplished Aurelia, who, lifting up her eyes, screamed aloud, and flewinto the arms of her faithful Cowslip. Some minutes elapsed before Dollycould make shift to exclaim, "Am coom to live and daai with my belovedleady!"--"Dear Dolly!" cried her mistress, "I cannot express the pleasureI have in seeing you again. Good Heaven! what solitary hours of keenaffliction have I passed since we parted!--but, tell me, how did youdiscover the place of my retreat?--has my uncle relented?--do I owe yourcoming to his indulgence?"

Dolly answered in the negative; and by degrees gave her to understandthat her cousin, Mrs. Kawdle, was in the next room; that lady immediatelyappeared, and a very tender scene of recognition passed between the tworelations. It was she who, in the course of conversation, perceivingthat Aurelia was perfectly composed, declared the happy tidings of herapproaching deliverance. When the other eagerly insisted upon knowing towhose humanity and address she was indebted for this happy turn offortune, her cousin declared the obligation was due to a young gentlemanof Yorkshire, called Sir Launcelot Greaves. At mention of that name herface was overspread with a crimson glow, and her eyes beamed redoubledsplendour. "Cousin, " said she, with a sigh, "I know not what to say--that gentleman, Sir Launcelot Greaves, was surely born--Lord bless me! Itell you, cousin, he has been my guardian angel. "

Mrs. Kawdle, who had maintained a correspondence with her by letters, wasno stranger to the former part of the connexion subsisting between thosetwo lovers, and had always favoured the pretensions of our hero, withoutbeing acquainted with his person. She now observed with a smile, that asAurelia esteemed the knight her guardian angel, and he adored her as ademi-deity, nature seemed to have intended them for each other; for suchsublime ideas exalted them both above the sphere of ordinary mortals. She then ventured to intimate that he was in the house, impatient to payhis respects in person. At this declaration the colour vanished from hercheeks, which, however, soon underwent a total suffusion. Her heartpanted, her bosom heaved, and her gentle frame was agitated by transportsrather violent than unpleasing. She soon, however, recollected herself, and her native serenity returned; when, rising from her seat, shedeclared he would see him in the next apartment, where he stood in themost tumultuous suspense, waiting for permission to approach her person. Here she broke in upon him, arrayed in an elegant white undress, theemblem of her purity, beaming forth the emanations of amazing beauty, warmed and improved with a glow of gratitude and affection. His heartwas too big for utterance; he ran towards her with rapture, and throwinghimself at her feet, imprinted a most respectful kiss upon her lilyhand. --"This, divine Aurelia, " cried he, "is a foretaste of thatineffable bliss which you was born to bestow!--Do I then live to see yousmile again? to see you restored to liberty, your mind at ease, and yourhealth unimpaired?"--"You have lived, " said she, "to see my obligationsto Sir Launcelot Greaves accumulated in such a manner, that a whole lifespent in acknowledgment will scarce suffice to demonstrate a due sense ofhis goodness. "--"You greatly overrate my services, which have been ratherthe duties of common humanity, than the efforts of a generous passion, too noble to be thus evinced;--but let not my unseasonable transportsdetain you a moment longer on this detested scene. Give me leave to handyou into the coach, and commit you to the care of this good lady, attended by this honest young gentleman, who is my particular friend. "So saying, he presented Mr. Thomas Clarke, who had the honour to salutethe fair hand of the ever-amiable Aurelia. 

The ladies being safely coached under the escort of the lawyer, SirLauncelot assured them he should wait on them in the evening at the houseof Dr. Kawdle, whither they immediately directed their course. Our hero, who remained with the constable and his gang, inquired for Mr. BernardShackle, upon whose person he intended to serve a writ of conspiracy, over and above a prosecution for robbery, in consequence of his havingdisencumbered the knight of his money and other effects, on the firstnight of his confinement. Mr. Shackle had discretion enough to avoidthis encounter, and even to anticipate the indictment for felony, bydirecting one of his servants to restore the cash and papers, which ouradventurer accordingly received before he quitted the house. 

In the prosecution of his search after Shackle, he chanced to enter thechamber of the bard, whom he found in dishabille, writing at a table, with a bandage over one eye, and his head covered with a nightcap ofbaize. The knight, having made an apology for this intrusion, desiredto know if he could be of any service to Mr. Distich, as he was nowat liberty to use the little influence he had for the relief of hisfellow-sufferers. --The poet having eyed him for some time askance, "Itold you, " said he, "your stay in this place would be of short duration. --I have sustained a small disaster on my left eye, from the hands of arascally cordwainer, who pretends to believe himself the King of Prussia, and I am now in the very act of galling his majesty with keen iambics. --If you can help me to a roll of tobacco and a bottle of geneva, so;--ifyou are not so inclined, your humble servant, I shall share in the joy ofyour deliverance. "

The knight declined gratifying him in these particulars, which heapprehended might be prejudicial to his health, but offered hisassistance in redressing his grievances, provided he laboured under anycruel treatment or inconvenience. "I comprehend the full extent of yourgenerosity, " replied the satirist; "you are willing to assist me ineverything, except the only circumstances in which assistance isrequired--God b'w'ye--If you see Ben Bullock, tell him I wish he wouldnot dedicate any more of his works to me. --D--n the fellow, he haschanged his note, and begins to snivel. --For my part, I stick to myformer maxim, defy all the world, and will die hard, even if death shouldbe preceded by damnation. "

The knight, finding him incorrigible, left him to the slender chance ofbeing one day comforted by the dram-bottle; but resolved, if possible, toset on foot an accurate inquiry into the economy and transactions of thisprivate inquisition, that ample justice might be done in favour of everyinjured individual confined within its walls. 

In the afternoon he did not fail to visit his Aurelia; and all theprotestations of their mutual passion were once more interchanged. Henow produced the letter which had caused such fatal disquiet in hisbosom; and Miss Darnel no sooner eyed the paper, than she recollected itwas a formal dismission, which she had intended and directed for Mr. Sycamore. This the uncle had intercepted, and cunningly enclosed inanother cover, addressed to Sir Launcelot Greaves, who was now astonishedbeyond measure to see the mystery so easily unfolded. The joy that nowdiffused itself in the hearts of our lovers, is more easily conceivedthan described; but, in order to give a stability to this mutualsatisfaction, it was necessary that Aurelia should be secured from thetyranny of her uncle, whose power of guardianship would not otherwiseexpire for some months. 

Dr. Kawdle and his lady having entered into their deliberations on thesubject, it was agreed that Miss Darnel should have recourse to theprotection of the Lord Chancellor; but such application was renderedunnecessary by the unexpected arrival of John Clump with the followingletter to Mrs. Kawdle from the steward of Anthony Darnel, dated atAurelia's house in the country:--

"MADAM, --It hath pleased God to afflict Mr. Darnel with a severe strokeof the dead palsy. --He was taken ill yesterday, and now lies insensible, seemingly at the point of death. Among the papers in his pocket I foundthe enclosed, by which it appears that my honoured young lady, MissDarnel, is confined in a private madhouse. I am afraid Mr. Darnel's fateis a just judgment of God upon him for his cruelty to that excellentperson. I need not exhort you, madam, to take immediately upon thereceipt of this, such measures as will be necessary for the enlargementof my poor young lady. In the meantime, I shall do the needful for thepreservation of her property in this place, and send you an account ofany further alteration that may happen; being very respectfully, madam, your most obedient humble servant, RALPH MATTOCKS. "

Clump had posted up to London with this intimation on the wings of love, and being covered with clay from the heels to the eyes upwards, heappeared in such an unfavourable light at Dr. Kawdle's door, that thefootman refused him admittance. Nevertheless, he pushed him aside, andfought his way upstairs into the dining-room, where the company was not alittle astonished at such an apparition. 

The fellow himself was no less amazed at seeing Aurelia and his ownsweetheart Mrs. Dolly Cowslip. He forthwith fell upon his knees, and insilence held out the letter, which was taken by the doctor, and presentedto his wife, according to the direction. She did not fail to communicatethe contents, which were far from being unwelcome to the individuals whocomposed this little society. Mr. Clump was honoured with theapprobation of his young lady, who commended him for his zeal andexpedition; bestowed upon him a handsome gratuity in the meantime, anddesired to see him again when he should be properly refreshed after thefatigue he had undergone. 

Mr. Thomas Clarke being consulted on this occasion, gave it as hisopinion, that Miss Darnel should, without delay, choose another guardianfor the few months that remained of her minority. The opinion wasconfirmed by the advice of some eminent lawyers, to whom immediaterecourse was had; and Dr. Kawdle being the person pitched upon for thisoffice, the necessary forms were executed with all possible despatch. 

The first use the doctor made of his guardianship was to sign a power, constituting Mr. Ralph Mattocks his attorney pro tempore for managing theestate of Miss Aurelia Darnel; and this was forwarded to the steward bythe hands of Clump, who set out with it for the seat of Darnel Hill, though not without a heavy heart, occasioned by some intimation he hadreceived concerning the connexion between his dear Dolly and Mr. Clarke, the lawyer. 

CHAPTER THE LAST

WHICH, IT IS TO BE HOPED, WILL BE, ON MORE ACCOUNTS THAN ONE, AGREEABLETO THE READER. 

Sir Launcelot, having vindicated the liberty, confirmed the safety, andsecured the heart of his charming Aurelia, now found leisure to unravelthe conspiracy which had been executed against his person; and with thatview commenced a lawsuit against the owner of the house where he and hismistress had been separately confined. Mr. Shackle was, notwithstandingall the submissions and atonement which he offered to make, either inprivate or in public, indicted on the statute of kidnapping, tried, convicted, punished by a severe fine and standing in the pillory. Ajudicial writ ad inquirendum being executed, the prisons of hisinquisition were laid open, and several innocent captives enlarged. 

In the course of Shackle's trial, it appeared that the knight'sconfinement was a scheme executed by his rival Mr. Sycamore, according tothe device of his counsellor, Dawdle, who, by this contrivance, hadreconciled himself to his patron, after having deserted him in the day ofbattle. Our hero was so incensed at this discovery of Sycamore'streachery and ingratitude, that he went in quest of him immediately, totake vengeance on his person, accompanied by Captain Crowe, who wanted tobalance accounts with Mr. Dawdle. But those gentlemen had wisely avoidedthe impending storm, by retiring to the continent, on pretence oftravelling for improvement. 

Sir Launcelot was not now so much of a knight-errant as to leave Aureliato the care of Providence, and pursue the traitors to the farthestextremities of the earth. He practised a much more easy, certain, andeffectual method of revenge, by instituting a process against them, which, after writs of capias, alias et pluries, had been repeated, subjected them both to outlawry. Mr. Sycamore, and his friend, beingthus deprived of the benefit of the law by their own neglect, wouldlikewise have forfeited their goods and chattels to the King, had notthey made such submissions as appeased the wrath of Sir Launcelot andCaptain Crowe; then they ventured to return, and, by dint of interest, obtained a reversal of the outlawry. But this grace they did not enjoytill long after our adventurer was happily established in life. 

While the knight waited impatiently for the expiration of Aurelia'sminority, and in the meantime consoled himself with the imperfecthappiness arising from her conversation, and those indulgences which themost unblemished virtue could bestow, Captain Crowe projected anotherplan of vengeance against the conjurer, whose lying oracles had cost himsuch a world of vexation. The truth is, the captain began to be tired ofidleness, and undertook this adventure to keep his hand in use. Heimparted his design to Crabshaw, who had likewise suffered in spirit fromthe predictions of the said offender, and was extremely well disposed toassist in punishing the false prophet. He now took it for granted thathe should not be hanged for stealing a horse; and thought it very hard topay so much money for a deceitful prophecy, which, in all likelihood, would never be fulfilled. 

Actuated by these motives, they set out together for the house ofconsultation, but they found it shut up and abandoned; and, upon inquiryin the neighbourhood, learned that the conjurer had moved his quartersthat very day on which the captain had recourse to his art. This wasactually the case. He knew the fate of Sir Launcelot would soon come tolight, and he did not choose to wait the consequence. He had othermotives for decamping. He had run a score at the public-house, which hehad no mind to discharge, and wanted to disengage himself from his femaleassociate, who knew too much of his affairs to be kept at a properdistance. All these purposes he had answered by retreating softly, without beat of drum, while his sibyl was abroad running down prey forhis devouring. He had not, however, taken his measures so cunningly, butthat this old hag discovered his new lodgings, and, in revenge, gaveinformation to the publican. This creditor took out a writ accordingly, and the bailiff had just secured his person, as Captain Crowe and TimothyCrabshaw chanced to pass by the door in their way homewards, through anobscure street, near the Seven Dials. 

The conjurer having no subterfuge left, but a great many particularreasons for avoiding an explanation with the justice, like the manbetween the devil and the deep sea, of two evils chose the least; andbeckoning to the captain, called him by his name. Crowe, thus addressed, replied with a "Hilloah!" and looking towards the place from whence hewas hailed, at once recognised the necromancer. Without fartherhesitation, he sprang across the street, and, collaring Albumazar, exclaimed, "Aha! old boy, is the wind in that corner? I thought weshould grapple one day--now will I bring you up by the head, though allthe devils in hell were blowing abaft the beam. "

The bailiff seeing his prisoner so roughly handled before, and at thesame time assaulted behind by Crabshaw, who cried, "Show me a liar, andI'll show you a thief--who is to be hanged now?" I say, the bailiff, fearing he should lose the benefit of his job, began to put on hiscontentious face, and, declaring the doctor was his prisoner, swore hecould not surrender him without a warrant from the Lord Chief Justice. The whole group adjourning into the parlour, the conjurer desired to knowof Crowe whether Sir Launcelot was found. Being answered, "Ey, ey, safeenough to see you made fast in the bilboes, brother"; he told the captainhe had something of consequence to communicate for his advantage; andproposed that Crowe and Crabshaw should bail the action, which lay onlyfor a debt of three pounds. 

Crowe stormed, and Crabshaw grinned at this modest proposal; but whenthey understood that they could only be bound for his appearance, andreflected that they need not part with him until his body should besurrendered unto justice, they consented to give bail; and the bond beingexecuted, conveyed him directly to the house of our adventurer. 

The boisterous Crowe introduced him to Sir Launcelot with such an abruptunconnected detail of his offence, as the knight could not understandwithout Timothy's annotations. These were followed by some questions putto the conjurer, who, laying aside his black gown, and plucking off hiswhite beard, exhibited to the astonished spectators the very individualcountenance of the empirical politician Ferret, who had played our herosuch a slippery trick after the electioneering adventure. 

"I perceive, " said he, "you are preparing to expostulate, and upbraid mefor having given a false information against you to the country justice. I look upon mankind to be in a state of nature; a truth, which Hobbes hasstumbled upon by accident. I think every man has a right to availhimself of his talents, even at the expense of his fellow-creatures; justas we see the fish, and other animals of the creation, devouring oneanother. I found the justice but one degree removed from idiotism, andknowing that he would commit some blunder in the execution of his office, which would lay him at your mercy, I contrived to make his folly theinstrument of my escape--I was dismissed without being obliged to signthe information I had given; and you took ample vengeance for his tyrannyand impertinence. I came to London, where my circumstances obliged me tolive in disguise. In the character of a conjurer, I was consulted byyour follower, Crowe, and your squire, Crabshaw. I did little or nothingbut echo back the intelligence they brought me, except prognosticatingthat Crabshaw would be hanged; a prediction to which I found myself soirresistibly impelled, that I am persuaded it was the real effect ofinspiration. I am now arrested for a paltry sum of money, and, moreover, liable to be sent to Bridewell as an impostor; let those answer for myconduct whose cruelty and insolence have driven me to the necessity ofusing such subterfuges. I have been oppressed and persecuted by thegovernment for speaking truth; your omnipotent laws have reconciledcontradictions. That which is acknowledged to be truth in fact, isconstrued falsehood in law; and great reason we have to boast of aconstitution founded on the basis of absurdity. But, waiving theseremarks, I own I am unwilling to be either imprisoned for debt, orpunished for imposture. I know how far to depend upon generosity, andwhat is called benevolence--words to amuse the weak-minded; I build upona surer bottom. I will bargain for your assistance. It is in my powerto put twelve thousand pounds in the pocket of Samuel Crowe, that theresea-ruffian, who, by his goodwill, would hang me to the yard's arm"----

There he was interrupted by the seaman. "D--n your rat's eyes! none ofyour--hang thee! fish my top-masts! if the rope was fairly reeved, andthe tackle sound, d'ye see"--Mr. Clarke, who was present, began to stare, while the knight assured Ferret, that if he was really able and willingto serve Captain Crowe in anything essential, he should be amplyrewarded. In the meantime he discharged the debt, and assigned him anapartment in his own house. That same day Crowe, by the advice of SirLauncelot and his nephew, entered into conditional articles with thecynic, to allow him the interest of fifteen hundred pounds for life, provided by this means the captain should obtain possession of the estateof Hobby Hole in Yorkshire, which had belonged to his grandfather, and ofwhich he was heir of blood. 

This bond being executed, Mr. Ferret discovered that he himself was thelawful husband of Bridget Maple, aunt to Samuel Crowe, by a clandestinemarriage; which, however, he convinced them he could prove by undeniableevidence. This being the case, she, the said Bridget Maple, aliasFerret, was a covert femme, consequently could not transact any deed ofalienation without his concurrence; ergo, the docking of the entail ofthe estate of Hobby Hole was illegal and of none effect. This was a veryagreeable declaration to the whole company, who did not fail tocongratulate Captain Crowe on the prospect of his being restored to hisinheritance. Tom Clarke, in particular, protested, with tears in hiseyes, that it gave him unspeakable joy; and his tears trickled thefaster, when Crowe, with an arch look, signified, that now he was prettywell victualled for life, he had some thoughts of embarking on the voyageof matrimony. 

But that point of happiness to which, as the north pole, the course ofthese adventures hath been invariably directed, was still unattained; wemean, the indissoluble union of the accomplished Sir Launcelot Greavesand the enchanting Miss Darnel. Our hero now discovered in his mistressa thousand charms, which hitherto he had no opportunity to contemplate. He found her beauty excelled by her good sense, and her virtue superiorto both. He found her untainted by that giddiness, vanity, andaffectation, which distinguish the fashionable females of the presentage. He found her uninfected by the rage for diversion and dissipation;for noise, tumult, gewgaws, glitter, and extravagance. He found her notonly raised by understanding and taste far above the amusement of littlevulgar minds; but even exalted by uncommon genius and refined reflection, so as to relish the more sublime enjoyments of rational pleasure. Hefound her possessed of that vigour of mind which constitutes truefortitude, and vindicates the empire of reason. He found her heartincapable of disguise or dissimulation; frank, generous, and open;susceptible of the most tender impressions; glowing with a keen sense ofhonour, and melting with humanity. A youth of his sensibility could notfail of being deeply affected by such attractions. The nearer heapproached the centre of happiness, the more did the velocity of hispassion increase. Her uncle still remained insensible as it were in thearms of death. Time seemed to linger in its lapse, till the knight wasinflamed to the most eager degree of impatience. He communicated hisdistress to Aurelia; he pressed her with the most pathetic remonstrancesto abridge the torture of his suspense. He interested Mrs. Kawdle in hisbehalf; and, at length, his importunities succeeded. The banns ofmarriage were regularly published, and the ceremony was performed in theparish church, in the presence of Dr. Kawdle and his lady, Captain Crowe, Lawyer Clarke, and Mrs. Dolly Cowslip. 

The bride, instead of being disguised in tawdry stuffs of gold andsilver, and sweating under a harness of diamonds, according to theelegant taste of the times, appeared in a negligee of plain blue satin, without any other jewels than her eyes, which far outshone all that everwas produced by the mines of Golconda. Her hair had no other extraneousornament than a small sprig of artificial roses; but the dignity of herair, the elegance of her shape, the sweetness and sensibility of hercountenance, added to such warmth of colouring, and such exquisitesymmetry of features, as could not be excelled by human nature, attractedthe eyes and excited the admiration of all the beholders. The effectthey produced in the heart of Sir Launcelot was such a rapture as wecannot pretend to describe. He made his appearance on this occasion in awhite coat and blue satin vest, both embroidered with silver; and all whosaw him could not but own that he alone seemed worthy to possess the ladywhom Heaven had destined for his consort. Captain Crowe had taken off ablue suit of clothes strongly guarded with bars of broad gold-lace, inorder to honour the nuptials of his friend. He wore upon his head abag-wig, a la pigeon, made by an old acquaintance in Wapping; and to hisside he had girded a huge plate-hilted sword, which he had bought of arecruiting serjeant. Mr. Clarke was dressed in pompadour, with goldbuttons; and his lovely Dolly in a smart checked lutestring, a presentfrom her mistress. 

The whole company dined, by invitation, at the house of Dr. Kawdle; andhere it was that the most deserving lovers on the face of the earthattained to the consummation of all earthly felicity. The captain andhis nephew had a hint to retire in due time. Mrs. Kawdle conducted theamiable Aurelia, trembling, to the marriage-bed; our hero, glowing with abridegroom's ardour, claimed the husband's privilege. Hymen lighted uphis brightest torch at Virtue's lamp, and every star shed its happiestinfluence on their Heaven-directed union. 

Instructions had been already despatched to prepare Greavesbury Hall forthe reception of its new mistress; and for that place the new-marriedcouple set out next morning, according to the plan which had beenpreviously concerted. Sir Launcelot and Lady Greaves, accompanied byMrs. Kawdle and attended by Dolly, travelled in their own coach, drawn bysix dappled horses. Dr. Kawdle, with Captain Crowe, occupied thedoctor's post-chariot, provided with four bays. Mr. Clarke had thehonour to bestride the loins of Bronzomarte. Mr. Ferret was mounted uponan old hunter; Crabshaw stuck close to his friend Gilbert; and two otherhorsemen completed the retinue. There was not an aching heart in thewhole cavalcade, except that of the young lawyer, which was by turnsinvaded with hot desires and chilling scruples. Though he was fond ofDolly to distraction, his regard to worldly reputation, and his attentionto worldly interest, were continually raising up bars to a legalgratification of his love. His pride was startled at the thought ofmarrying the daughter of a poor country publican; and he moreover dreadedthe resentment of his uncle Crowe, should he take any step of this naturewithout his concurrence. Many a wishful look did he cast at Dolly, thetears standing in his eyes, and many a woful sigh did he utter. 

Lady Greaves immediately perceived the situation of his heart, and, byquestioning Mrs. Cowslip, discovered a mutual passion between theselovers. She consulted her dear knight on the subject, and he catechisedthe lawyer, who pleaded guilty. The captain being sounded as to hisopinion, declared he would be steered in that, as well as every othercourse of life, by Sir Launcelot and his lady, whom he verily revered asbeing of an order superior to the ordinary race of mankind. Thisfavourable response being obtained from the sailor, our hero took anopportunity on the road, one day after dinner, in presence of the wholecompany, to accost the lawyer in these words: "My good friend Clarke, Ihave your happiness very much at heart--your father was an honest man, towhom my family had manifold obligations. I have had these many years apersonal regard for yourself, derived from your own integrity of heartand goodness of disposition--I see, you are affected, and shall be brief--Besides this regard, I am indebted to your friendship for the liberty--what shall I say?--for the inestimable happiness I now enjoy, inpossessing the most excellent--But I understand that significant glanceof my Aurelia, I will not offend her delicacy--The truth is, myobligation is very great, and it is time I should evince my gratitude--If the stewardship of my estate is worth your acceptance, you shall haveit immediately, together with the house and farm of Cockerton in myneighbourhood. I know you have a passion for Mrs. Dolly; and believe shelooks upon you with the eyes of tender prepossession--don't blush, Dolly--Besides your agreeable person, which all the world must approve, youcan boast of virtue, fidelity, and friendship. Your attachment to LadyGreaves neither she nor I shall ever forget--If you are willing to uniteyour fate with Mr. Clarke, your mistress gives me leave to assure you shewill stock the farm at her own expense, and we will celebrate the weddingat Greavesbury Hall"--

By this time the hearts of these grateful lovers had overflowed. Dollywas sitting on her knees, bathing her lady's hand with her tears, and Mr. Clarke appeared in the same attitude by Sir Launcelot. The uncle, almostas affected as the nephew by the generosity of our adventurer, criedaloud, "I pray God that you and your glorious consort may have smoothseas and gentle gales whithersoever you are bound; as for my kinsman Tom, I'll give him a thousand pounds to set him fairly afloat; and if he provenot a faithful tender to you his benefactor, I hope he will founder inthis world, and be damned in that which is to come. " Nothing now waswanting to the completion of their happiness but the consent of Dolly'smother at the Black Lion, who they did not suppose could have anyobjection to such an advantageous match for her daughter; but in thisparticular they were mistaken. 

In the meantime they arrived at the village where the knight hadexercised the duties of chivalry; and there he received the gratulationof Mr. Fillet and the attorney who had offered to bail him before JusticeGobble. Mutual civilities having passed, they gave him to understandthat Gobble and his wife were turned Methodists. All the rest of theprisoners whom he had delivered came to testify their gratitude, and werehospitably entertained. Next day they halted at the Black Lion, wherethe good woman was overjoyed to see Dolly so happily preferred; but whenSir Launcelot unfolded the proposed marriage, she interrupted him with ascream--"Christ Jesus forbid--marry and amen!--match with her ownbrother!"

At this exclamation Dolly fainted; her lover stood with his ears erect, and his mouth wide open; Crowe stared, while the knight and his ladyexpressed equal surprise and concern. When Sir Launcelot entreated Mrs. Cowslip to explain this mystery, she told him, that about sixteen yearsago, Mr. Clarke, senior, had brought Dolly, then an infant, to her house, when she and her late husband lived in another part of the country; andas she had then been lately delivered of a child which did not live, he hired her as a nurse to the little foundling. He owned she was alove-begotten babe, and from time to time paid handsomely for the boardof Dolly, who he desired might pass for her own daughter. In his lastillness, he assured her he had taken care to provide for the child; butsince his death she had received no account of any such provision. Shemoreover informed his honour, that Mr. Clarke had deposited in her handsa diamond ring, and a sealed paper, never to be opened without his order, until Dolly should be demanded in marriage by the man she should like, and not then, except in the presence of the clergyman of the parish. "Send for the clergyman this instant, " cried our hero, reddening, andfixing his eyes on Dolly; "I hope all will yet be well. "

The vicar arriving, and being made acquainted with the nature of thecase, the landlady produced the paper; which, being opened, appeared tobe an authentic certificate, that the person commonly known by the nameof Dorothy Cowslip, was in fact Dorothy Greaves, daughter of JonathanGreaves, Esq. , by a young gentlewoman who had been some years deceased. 

"The remaining part of the mystery I myself can unfold, " exclaimed theknight, while he ran and embraced the astonished Dolly as his kinswoman. "Jonathan Greaves was my uncle, and died before he came of age, so thathe could make no settlement on his child, the fruit of a private amour, founded on a promise of marriage, of which this ring was a token. Mr. Clarke, being his confidant, disposed of the child, and at length, finding his constitution decay, revealed the secret to my father, who inhis will bequeathed one hundred pounds a year to this agreeablefoundling; but, as they both died while I was abroad, and some of thememorandums touching this transaction probably were mislaid, I never tillnow could discover where or how my pretty cousin was situated. I shallrecompense the good woman for her care and fidelity, and take pleasure inbringing this affair to a happy issue. "

The lovers were now overwhelmed with transports of joy and gratitude, andevery countenance was lighted up with satisfaction. From this place tothe habitation of Sir Launcelot, the bells were rung in every parish, andthe corporation in their formalities congratulated him in every townthrough which he passed. About five miles from Greavesbury Hall he wasmet by above five thousand persons of both sexes and every age, dressedout in their gayest apparel, headed by Mr. Ralph Mattocks from DarnelHill, and the rector from the knight's own parish. They were preceded bymusic of different kinds, ranged under a great variety of flags andensigns; and the women, as well as the men, bedizened with fancy knotsand marriage favours. At the end of the avenue, a select bevy of comelyvirgins arrayed in white, and a separate band of choice youthsdistinguished by garlands of laurel and holly interweaved, fell into theprocession, and sung in chorus a rustic epithalamium composed by thecurate. At the gate they were received by the venerable housekeeper, Mrs. Oakley, whose features were so brightened by the occasion, that withthe first glance she made a conquest of the heart of Captain Crowe; andthis connexion was improved afterwards into a legal conjunction. 

Meanwhile the houses of Greavesbury Hall and Darnel Hill were set openfor the entertainment of all-comers, and both echoed with the sounds offestivity. After the ceremony of giving and receiving visits had beenperformed by Sir Launcelot Greaves and his lady, Mr. Clarke was honouredwith the hand of the agreeable Miss Dolly Greaves; and the captain wasput in possession of his paternal estate. The perfect and uninterruptedfelicity of the knight and his endearing consort, diffused itself throughthe whole adjacent country, as far as their example and influence couldextend. They were admired, esteemed, and applauded by every person oftaste, sentiment, and benevolence; at the same time beloved, revered, andalmost adored by the common people, among whom they suffered not themerciless hand of indigence or misery to seize one single sacrifice. 

Ferret, at first, seemed to enjoy his easy circumstances; but the noveltyof this situation soon wore off, and all his misanthropy returned. Hecould not bear to see his fellow-creatures happy around him, andsignified his disgust to Sir Launcelot, declaring his intention ofreturning to the metropolis, where he knew there would be always foodsufficient for the ravenous appetite of his spleen. Before he departed, the knight made him partake of his bounty, though he could not make himtaste of his happiness, which soon received a considerable addition inthe birth of a son, destined to be the heir and representative of twoworthy families, whose mutual animosity the union of his parents had sohappily extinguished. 

THE END