If By Lord Dunsany [Dunsany, Edward John Moreton Drax Plunkett, Baron] DRAMATIS PERSONAE JOHN BEAL MARY BEAL LIZA ALI BERT, BILL: two railway porters THE MAN IN THE CORNER MIRALDA CLEMENT HAFIZ EL ALCOLAHN DAOUD ARCHIE BEAL BAZZALOL, THOOTHOOBABA: two Nubian door-keepers BEN HUSSEIN, Lord of the Pass ZABNOOL, SHABEESH: two conjurers OMAR, a singer ZAGBOOLA, mother of Hafiz THE SHEIK OF THE BISHAREENS Notables, soldiers, Bishareens, dancers, etc. IF ACT I SCENE 1 A small railway station near London. Time: Ten years ago. BERT 'Ow goes it, Bill? BILL Goes it? 'Ow d'yer think it goes? BERT I don't know, Bill. 'Ow is it? BILL Bloody. BERT Why? What's wrong? BILL Wrong? Nothing ain't wrong. BERT What's up then? BILL Nothing ain't right. BERT Why, wot's the worry? BILL Wot's the worry? They don't give youbetter wages nor a dog, and then they thinksthey can talk at yer and talk at yer, and saywot they likes, like. BERT Why? You been on the carpet, Bill? BILL Ain't I! Proper. BERT Why, wot about, Bill? BILL Wot about? I'll tell yer. Just coz I leta lidy get into a train. That's wot about. Said I ought to 'av stopped 'er. Thought thetrain was moving. Thought it was dangerous. Thought I tried to murder 'er, I suppose. BERT Wot? The other day? BILL Yes. BERT Tuesday? BILL Yes. BERT Why. The one that dropped her bag? BILL Yes. Drops 'er bag. Writes to the company. They writes back she shouldn't 'avgot in. She writes back she should. Thenthey gets on to me. Any more of it andI'll. . . BERT I wouldn't, Bill; don't you. BILL I will. BERT Don't you, Bill. You've got your familyto consider. BILL Well, anyway, I won't let any more ofthem passengers go jumping into trains anymore, not when they're moving, I won't. When the train gets in, doors shut. That'sthe rule. And they'll 'ave to abide by it. BERT Well, I wouldn't stop one, not if. . . BILL I don't care. They ain't going to 'ave meon the mat again and talk all that stuff tome. No, if someone 'as to suffer. . . 'Ere she is. [Noise of approaching train heard. ] BERT Ay, that's her. BILL And shut goes the door. [Enter JOHN BEAL. ] BERT Wait a moment, Bill. BILL Not if he's. . . Not if he was ever so. JOHN [preparing to pass] Good morning. . . . BILL Can't come through. Too late. JOHN Too late? Why, the train's only just in. BILL Don't care. It's the rule. JOHN O, nonsense. [He carries on. ] BILL It's too late. I tell you you can't come. JOHN But that's absurd. I want to catch mytrain. BILL It's too late. BERT Let him go, Bill. BILL I'm blowed if I let him go. JOHN I want to catch my train. [JOHN is stopped by BILL and pushedback by the face. JOHN advances towardsBILL looking like fighting. The train hasgone. ] BILL Only doing my duty. [JOHN stops and reflects at this, decidingit isn't good enough. He shrugs hisshoulders, turns round and goes away. ] JOHN I shouldn't be surprised if I didn't get evenwith you one of these days, you. . . . . Andsome way you won't expect. Curtain SCENE 2 Yesterday evening. [Curtain rises on JOHN and MARY intheir suburban home. ] JOHN I say, dear. Don't you think we ought toplant an acacia? MARY An acacia, what's that, John? JOHN O, it's one of those trees that they have. MARY But why, John? JOHN Well, you see the house is called The Acacias, and it seems rather silly not to have atleast one. MARY O, I don't think that matters. Lots ofplaces are called lots of things. Everyonedoes. JOHN Yes, but it might help the postman. MARY O, no, it wouldn't, dear. He wouldn'tknow an acacia if he saw it any more than Ishould. JOHN Quite right, Mary, you're always right. What a clever head you've got! MARY Have I, John? We'll plant an acacia ifyou like. I'll ask about it at the grocer's. JOHN You can't get one there. MARY No, but he's sure to know where it can begot. JOHN Where do they grow, Mary? MARY I don't know, John; but I am sure they do, somewhere. JOHN Somehow I wish sometimes, I almost wishI could have gone abroad for a week or so toplaces like where acacias grow naturally. MARY O, would you really, John? JOHN No, not really. But I just think of itsometimes. MARY Where would you have gone? JOHN O, I don't know. The East or some suchplace. I've often heard people speak of it, and somehow it seemed so. . . MARY The East, John? Not the East. I don'tthink the East somehow is quite respectable. JOHN O well, it's all right, I never went, andnever shall go now. It doesn't matter. MARY [the photographs catching her eye] O, John, I meant to tell you. Such a dreadfulthing happened. JOHN What, Mary? MARY Well, Liza was dusting the photographs, and when she came to Jane's she says shehadn't really begun to dust it, only looked atit, and it fell down, and that bit of glass isbroken right out of it. JOHN Ask her not to look at it so hard anothertime. MARY O, what do you mean, John? JOHN Well, that's how she broke it; she said so, and as I know you believe in Liza. . . MARY Well, I can't think she'd tell a lie, John. JOHN No, of course not. But she mustn't lookso hard another time. MARY And it's poor little Jane's photograph. She will feel it so. JOHN O, that's all right, we'll get it mended. MARY Still, it's a dreadful thing to have happened. JOHN We'll get it mended, and if Jane is unhappyabout it she can have Alice's frame. Aliceis too young to notice it. MARY She isn't, John. She'd notice it quick. JOHN Well, George, then. MARY [looking at photo thoughtfully] Well, perhaps George might give up hisframe. JOHN Yes, tell Liza to change it. Why not makeher do it now? MARY Not to-day, John. Not on a Sunday. She shall do it to-morrow by the time you getback from the office. JOHN All right. It might have been worse. MARY It's bad enough. I wish it hadn't happened. JOHN It might have been worse. It might havebeen Aunt Martha. MARY I'd sooner it had been her than poor littleJane. JOHN If it had been Aunt Martha's photographshe'd have walked in next day and seen it forcertain; I know Aunt Martha. Then there'dhave been trouble. MARY But, John, how could she have known? JOHN I don't know, but she would have; it's akind of devilish sense she has. MARY John! JOHN What's the matter? MARY John! What a dreadful word you used. And on a Sunday too! Really! JOHN O, I'm sorry. It slipped out somehow. I'm very sorry. [Enter LIZA. ] LIZA There's a gentleman to see you, sir, whichisn't, properly speaking, a gentleman at all. Not what I should call one, that is, like. MARY Not a gentleman! Good gracious, Liza!Whatever do you mean? LIZA He's black. MARY Black? JOHN [reassuring] O. . . Yes, that would be Ali. A queerold customer, Mary; perfectly harmless. Ourfirm gets hundreds of carpets through him;and then one day. . . MARY But what is he doing here, John? JOHN Well, one day he turned up in London;broke, he said; and wanted the firm to givehim a little cash. Well, old Briggs was forgiving him ten shillings. But I said "here'sa man that's helped us in making thousandsof pounds. Let's give him fifty. " MARY Fifty pounds! JOHN Yes, it seems a lot; but it seemed only fair. Ten shillings would have been an insult tothe old fellow, and he'd have taken it as such. You don't know what he'd have done. MARY Well, he doesn't want more? JOHN No, I expect he's come to thank me. Heseemed pretty keen on getting some cash. Badly broke, you see. Don't know what he wasdoing in London. Never can tell with thesefellows. East is East, and there's an end of it. MARY How did he trace you here? JOHN O, got the address at the office. Briggsand Cater won't let theirs be known. Notgot such a smart little house, I expect. MARY I don't like letting people in that you don'tknow where they come from. JOHN O, he comes from the East. MARY Yes, I--I know. But the East doesn't seemquite to count, somehow, as the proper sort ofplace to come from, does it, dear? JOHN No. MARY It's not like Sydenham or Bromley, someplace you can put your finger on. JOHN Perhaps just for once, I don't think there'sany harm in him. MARY Well, just for once. But we can't make apractice of it. And you don't want to bethinking of business on a Sunday, your onlyday off. JOHN O, it isn't business, you know. He onlywants to say thank you. MARY I hope he won't say it in some queerEastern way. You don't know what thesepeople. . . . JOHN O, no. Show him up, Liza. LIZA As you like, mum. [Exit. ] MARY And you gave him fifty pounds? JOHN Well, old Briggs agreed to it. So I supposethat's what he got. Cater paid him. MARY It seems a lot of money. But I think, asthe man is actually coming up the stairs, I'm glad he's got something to be gratefulfor. [Enter ALI, shown in by LIZA. ] ALI Protector of the Just. JOHN O, er--yes. Good evening. ALI My soul was parched and you bathed itin rivers of gold. JOHN O, ah, yes. ALI Wherefore the name Briggs, Cater, and Bealshall be magnified and called blessed. JOHN Ha, yes. Very good of you. ALI [advancing, handing trinket] Protector of the Just, my offering. JOHN Your offering? ALI Hush. It is beyond price. I am notbidden to sell it. I was in my extremity, butI was not bidden to sell it. It is a token ofgratitude, a gift, as it came to me. JOHN As it came to you? ALI Yes, it was given me. JOHN I see. Then you had given somebody whatyou call rivers of gold? ALI Not gold; it was in Sahara. JOHN O, and what do you give in the Saharainstead of gold? ALI Water. JOHN I see. You got it for a glass of water, like. ALI Even so. JOHN And--and what happened? MARY I wouldn't take his only crystal, dear. It's a nice little thing, but [to ALI], but youthink a lot of it, don't you? ALI Even so. JOHN But look here, what does it do? ALI Much. JOHN Well, what? ALI He that taketh this crystal, so, in his hand, at night, and wishes, saying "At a certainhour let it be"; the hour comes and he willgo back eight, ten, even twelve years if hewill, into the past, and do a thing again, oract otherwise than he did. The day passes;the ten years are accomplished once again; heis here once more; but he is what he mighthave become had he done that one thingotherwise. MARY John! JOHN I--I don't understand. ALI To-night you wish. All to-morrow youlive the last ten years; a new way, master, anew way, how you please. To-morrow nightyou are here, what those years have made you. JOHN By Jove! MARY Have nothing to do with it, John. JOHN All right, Mary, I'm not going to. But, do you mean one could go back ten years? ALI Even so. JOHN Well, it seems odd, but I'll take your wordfor it. But look here, you can't live ten yearsin a day, you know. ALI My master has power over time. MARY John, don't have anything to do with him. JOHN All right, Mary. But who is your master? ALI He is carved of one piece of jade, a god inthe greenest mountains. The years are hisdreams. This crystal is his treasure. Guardit safely, for his power is in this more thanin all the peaks of his native hills. See whatI give you, master. JOHN Well, really, it's very good of you. MARY Good night, Mr. Ali. We are very muchobliged for your kind offer, which we are sosorry we can't avail ourselves of. JOHN One moment, Mary. Do you mean thatI can go back ten years, and live till--till nowagain, and only be away a day? ALI Start early and you will be here beforemidnight. JOHN Would eight o'clock do! ALI You could be back by eleven that evening. JOHN I don't quite see how ten years could goin a single day. ALI They will go as dreams go. JOHN Even so, it seems rather unusual, doesn'tit? ALI Time is the slave of my master MARY John! JOHN All right, Mary. [In a lower voice. ] I'monly trying to see what he'll say. MARY All right, John, only. . . ALI Is there no step that you would wishuntrodden, nor stride that you would makewhere once you faltered? JOHN I say, why don't you use it yourself? ALI I? I am afraid of the past. But youEngleesh, and the great firm of Briggs, Cater, and Beal; you are afraid of nothing. JOHN Ha, ha. Well--I wouldn't go quite as faras that, but--well, give me the crystal. MARY Don't take it, John! Don't take it. JOHN Why, Mary? It won't hurt me. MARY If it can do all that--if it can do all that. . . JOHN Well? MARY Why, you might never have met me. JOHN Never have met you? I never thought ofthat. MARY Leave the past alone, John. JOHN All right, Mary. I needn't use it. But Iwant to hear about it, it's so odd, it's sowhat-you-might-call queer; I don't think Iever----- [To ALI. ] You mean if I workhard for ten years, which will only be allto-morrow, I may be Governor of the Bankof England to-morrow night. ALI Even so. MARY O, don't do it, John. JOHN But you said--I'll be back here beforemidnight to-morrow. ALI It is so. JOHN But the Governor of the Bank of Englandwould live in the City, and he'd have a muchbigger house anyway. He wouldn't live inLewisham. ALI The crystal will bring you to this housewhen the hour is accomplished, eventomorrow night. If you be the great bankeryou will perhaps come to chastise one of yourslaves who will dwell in this house. If yoube head of Briggs and Cater you will come togive an edict to one of your firm. Perchancethis street will be yours and you will come toshow your power unto it. But you will come. JOHN And if the house is not mine? MARY John! John! Don't. ALI Still you will come. JOHN Shall I remember? ALI No. JOHN If I want to do anything different to whatI did, how shall I remember when I get backthere? MARY Don't. Don't do anything different, John. JOHN All right. ALI Choose just before the hour of the stepyou desire to change. Memory lingers a littleat first, and fades away slowly. JOHN Five minutes? ALI Even ten. JOHN Then I can change one thing. After that Iforget. ALI Even so. One thing. And the rest follows. JOHN Well, it's very good of you to make me thisnice present, I'm sure. ALI Sell it not. Give it, as I gave it, if the heartimpels. So shall it come back one day to thehills that are brighter than grass, made richerby the gratitude of many men. And mymaster shall smile thereat and the vale shallbe glad. JOHN It's very good of you, I'm sure. MARY I don't like it, John. I don't like tamperingwith what's gone. ALI My master's power is in your hands. Farewell. [Exit. ] JOHN I say, he's gone. MARY O, he's a dreadful man. JOHN I never really meant to take it. MARY O, John, I wish you hadn't JOHN Why? I'm not going to use it. MARY Not going to use it, John? JOHN No, no. Not if you don't want me to. MARY O, I'm so glad. JOHN And besides, I don't want things different. I've got fond of this little house. And Briggsis a good old sort, you know. Cater's a bitof an ass, but there's no harm in him. Infact, I'm contented, Mary. I wouldn't evenchange Aunt Martha now. [Points at frowning framed photographcentrally hung. ] You remember when she first came andyou said "Where shall we hang her?" I saidthe cellar. You said we couldn't. So she hadto go there. But I wouldn't change her now. I suppose there are old watch-dogs like her inevery family. I wouldn't change anything. MARY O, John, wouldn't you really? JOHN No, I'm contented. Grim old soul, Iwouldn't even change Aunt Martha. MARY I'm glad of that, John. I was frightened. I couldn't bear to tamper with the past. You don't know what it is, it's what's gone. But if it really isn't gone at all, if it can be dugup like that, why you don't know whatmightn't happen! I don't mind the future, but if the past can come back like that. . . . O, don't, don't, John. Don't think of it. It isn't canny. There's the children, John. JOHN Yes, yes, that's all right. It's only a littleornament. I won't use it. And I tell youI'm content. [Happily] It's no use to me. MARY I'm so glad you're content, John. Are youreally? Is there nothing that you'd have haddifferent? I sometimes thought you'd ratherthat Jane had been a boy. JOHN Not a bit of it. Well, I may have at thetime, but Arthur's good enough for me. MARY I'm so glad. And there's nothing you everregret at all? JOHN Nothing. And you? Is there nothing youregret, Mary? MARY Me? Oh, no. I still think that sofa wouldhave been better green, but you would haveit red. JOHN Yes, so I would. No, there's nothing Iregret. MARY I don't suppose there's many men can saythat. JOHN No, I don't suppose they can. They'renot all married to you. I don't supposemany of them can. [MARY smiles. ] MARY I should think that very few could saythat they regretted nothing. . . Very fewin the whole world. JOHN Well, I won't say nothing. MARY What is it you regret, John? JOHN Well, there is one thing. MARY And what is that? JOHN One thing has rankled a bit. MARY Yes, John? JOHN O, it's nothing, it's nothing worthmentioning. But it rankled for years. MARY What was it, John? JOHN O, it seems silly to mention it. It wasnothing. MARY But what? JOHN O, well, if you want to know, it was oncewhen I missed a train. I don't mind missinga train, but it was the way the porter pushedme out of the way. He pushed me by theface. I couldn't hit back, because, well, youknow what lawyers make of it; I might havebeen ruined. So it just rankled. It was yearsago before we married. MARY Pushed you by the face. Good gracious! JOHN Yes, I'd like to have caught that train inspite of him. I sometimes think of it still. Silly of me, isn't it? MARY What a brute of a man. JOHN O, I suppose he was doing his silly duty. But it rankled. MARY He'd no right to do any such thing! He'dno right to touch you! JOHN O, well, never mind. MARY I should like to have been there. . . I'd have. . . JOHN O, well, it can't be helped now; but I'dlike to have caught it in sp. . . [An idea seizes him. ] MARY What is it? JOHN Can't be helped, I said. It's the very thingthat can be helped. MARY Can be helped, John? Whatever do youmean? JOHN I mean he'd no right to stop me catchingthat train. I've got the crystal, and I'llcatch it yet! MARY O, John, that's what you said you wouldn'tdo. JOHN No. I said I'd do nothing to alter the past. And I won't. I'm too content, Mary. Butthis can't alter it. This is nothing. MARY What were you going to catch the trainfor, John? JOHN For London. I wasn't at the office then. It was a business appointment. There was aman who had promised to get me a job, andI was going up to. . . MARY John, it may alter your whole life! JOHN Now do listen, Mary, do listen. He neverturned up. I got a letter from him apologisingto me before I posted mine to him. Itturned out he never meant to help me, meremeaningless affabilities. He never came toLondon that day at all. I should have takenthe next train back. That can't affect thefuture. MARY N-no, John. Still, I don't like it. JOHN What difference could it make? MARY N-n-no. JOHN Think how we met. We met at ARCHIE'swedding. I take it one has to go to one'sbrother's wedding. It would take a prettybig change to alter that. And. You were herbridesmaid. We were bound to meet. Andhaving once met, well, there you are. If we'dmet by chance, in a train, or anything likethat, well, then I admit some little changemight alter it. But when we met at ARCHIE'swedding and you were her bridesmaid, why, Mary, it's a cert. Besides, I believe inpredestination. It was our fate; we couldn'thave missed it. MARY No, I suppose not; still. . JOHN Well, what? MARY I don't like it. JOHN O, Mary, I have so longed to catch thatinfernal train. Just think of it, annoyed onand off for ten years by the eight-fifteen. MARY I'd rather you didn't, John. JOHN But why? MARY O, John, suppose there's a railwayaccident? You might be killed, and we shouldnever meet. JOHN There wasn't. MARY There wasn't, John? What do you mean? JOHN There wasn't an accident to the eight-fifteen. It got safely to London just ten years ago. MARY Why, nor there was. JOHN You see how groundless your fears are. I shall catch that train, and all the rest willhappen the same as before. Just thinkMary, all those old days again. I wish Icould take you with me. But you soon willbe. But just think of the old days comingback again. Hampton Court again and Kew, and Richmond Park again with all the May. And that bun you bought, and the corkedginger-beer, and those birds singing and the'bus past Isleworth. O, Mary, you wouldn'tgrudge me that? MARY Well, well then all right, John. JOHN And you will remember there wasn't anaccident, won't you? MARY [resignedly, sadly] O, yes, John. And you won't try to getrich or do anything silly, will you? JOHN No, Mary. I only want to catch thattrain. I'm content with the rest. The samethings must happen, and they must lead methe same way, to you, Mary. Good night, now, dear. MARY Good night? JOHN I shall stay here on the sofa holding thecrystal and thinking. Then I'll have abiscuit and start at seven. MARY Thinking, John? What about? JOHN Getting it clear in my mind what I wantto do. That one thing and the rest the same. There must be no mistakes. MARY [sadly] Good night, John. JOHN Have supper ready at eleven. MARY Very well, John. [Exit. ] JOHN [on the sofa, after a moment or two] I'll catch that infernal train in spite of him. [He takes the crystal and closes it up inthe palm of his left hand. ] I wish to go back ten years, two weeks anda day, at, at--8. 10 a. M. To-morrow; 8. 10 a. M. To-morrow, 8. 10. [Re-enter MARY in doorway. ] MARY John! John! You are sure he did gethis fifty pounds? JOHN Yes. Didn't he come to thank me for themoney? MARY You are sure it wasn't ten shillings? JOHN Cater paid him, I didn't. MARY Are you sure that Cater didn't give himten shillings? JOHN It's the sort of silly thing Cater would havedone! MARY O, John! JOHN Hmm. Curtain SCENE 3 Scene: As in Act I, Scene 1. Time. Ten years ago. BERT 'Ow goes it, Bill? BILL Goes it? 'Ow d'yer think it goes? BERT I don't know, Bill. 'Ow is it? BILL Bloody. BERT Why, what's wrong? BILL Wrong? Nothing ain't wrong. BERT What's up, then? BILL Nothing ain't right. BERT Why, wot's the worry? BILL Wot's the worry? They don't give youbetter wages nor a dog, and then they thinksthey can talk at yer and talk at yer, and saywot they likes, like. BERT Why? You been on the carpet, Bill? BILL Ain't I! Proper. BERT Why? Wot about, Bill? BILL Wot about? I'll tell yer. Just coz I leta lidy get into a train. That's wot about. Said I ought to 'av stopped 'er. Thought thetrain was moving. Thought it was dangerous. Thought I tried to murder 'er, I suppose. BERT Wot? The other day? BILL Yes. BERT? Tuesday? BILL Yes. BERT Why? The one that dropped her bag? BILL Yes. Drops 'er bag. Writes to thecompany. They writes back she shouldn't 'avgot in. She writes back she should. Thenthey gets on to me. Any more of it and I'll. . . BERT I wouldn't, Bill; don't you. BILL I will. BERT Don't you, Bill. You've got your familyto consider. BILL Well, anyway, I won't let any more ofthem passengers go jumping into trains anymore, not when they're moving, I won't. When the train gets in, doors shut. That'sthe rule, and they'll have to abide by it. [Enter JOHN BEAL. ] BILL [touching his hat]Good morning, sir. [JOHN does not answer, but walks to thedoor between them. ] Carry your bag, sir? JOHN Go to hell! [Exit through door. ] BILL Ullo. BERT Somebody's been getting at 'im. BILL Well, I never did. Why, I knows the youngfeller. BERT Pleasant spoken, ain't 'e, as a rule? BILL Never knew 'im like this. BERT You ain't bin sayin' nothing to 'im, 'aveyer? BILL Never in my life. BERT Well, I never. BILL 'Ad some trouble o' some kind. BERT Must 'ave. [Train is heard. ] BILL Ah, 'ere she is. Well, as I was saying. . . Curtain SCENE 4 In a second-class railway carriage. Time: Same morning as Scene 1, Act I. Noise, and a scene drawn past thewindows. The scene, showing amomentary glimpse of fair English hills, isalmost entirely placards, "GIVE HERBOVRIL, " "GIVE HER OXO, "alternately, for ever. Occupants, JOHN BEAL, a girl, a man. All sit in stoical silence like the twoimages near Luxor. The man has thewindow seat, and therefore the right ofcontrol over the window. MIRALDA CLEMENT Would you mind having the window open? THE MAN IN THE CORNER [shrugging hisshoulders in a shivery way] Er--certainly. [Meaning he does not mind. He opens the window. ] MIRALDA CLEMENT Thank you so much. MAN IN THE CORNER Not at all. [He does not mean to contradicther. Stoical silence again. ] MIRALDA CLEMENT Would you mind having it shut now? Ithink it is rather cold. MAN IN THE CORNER Certainly. [He shuts it. Silence again. ] MIRALDA CLEMENT I think I'd like the window open again nowfor a bit. It is rather stuffy, isn't it? MAN IN THE CORNER Well, I think it's very cold. MIRALDA CLEMENT O, do you? But would you mind openingit for me? MAN IN THE CORNER I'd much rather it was shut, if you don'tmind. [She sighs, moves her hands slightly, andher pretty face expresses the resignation ofthe Christian martyr in the presence oflions. This for the benefit of John. ] JOHN Allow me, madam. [He leans across the window's rightfulowner, a bigger man than he, and opens hiswindow. MAN IN THE CORNER shrugs his shouldersand, quite sensibly, turns to his paper. ] MIRALDA O, thank you so much. JOHN Don't mention it. [Silence again. ] VOICES OF PORTERS [Off] Fan Kar, Fan Kar. [MAN IN THE CORNER gets out. ] MIRALDA Could you tell me where this is? JOHN Yes. Elephant and Castle. MIRALDA Thank you so much. It was kind of you toprotect me from that horrid man. He wantedto suffocate me. JOHN O, very glad to assist you, I'm sure. Veryglad. MIRALDA I should have been afraid to have done it inspite of him. It was splendid of you. JOHN O, that was nothing. MIRALDA O, it was, really. JOHN Only too glad to help you in any little way. MIRALDA It was so kind of you. JOHN O, not at all. [Silence for a bit. ] MIRALDA I've nobody to help me. JOHN Er, er, haven't you really? MIRALDA No, nobody. JOHN I'd be very glad to help you in any littleway. MIRALDA I wonder if you could advise me. JOHN I--I'd do my best. MIRALDA You see, I have nobody to advise me. JOHN No, of course not. MIRALDA I live with my aunt, and she doesn'tunderstand. I've no father or mother. JOHN O, er, er, really? MIRALDA No. And an uncle died and he left me ahundred thousand pounds. JOHN Really? MIRALDA Yes. He didn't like me. I think he did itout of contrariness as much as anything. He was always like that to me. JOHN Was he? Was he really? MIRALDA Yes. It was invested at twenty-five percent. He never liked me. Thought I wastoo--I don't know what. JOHN No. MIRALDA That was five years ago, and I've never gota penny of it. JOHN Really. But, but that's not right. MIRALDA [sadly] No. JOHN Where's it invested? MIRALDA In Al Shaldomir. JOHN Where's that? MIRALDA I don't quite know. I never was good atgeography. I never quite knew where Persiaends. JOHN And what kind of an investment was it? MIRALDA There's a pass in some mountains that theycan get camels over, and a huge toll is leviedon everything that goes by; that is the customof the tribe that lives there, and I believethe toll is regularly collected. JOHN And who gets it? MIRALDA The chief of the tribe. He is called BenHussein. But my uncle lent him all thismoney, and the toll on the camels was whatthey call the security. They always carrygold and turquoise, you know. JOHN Do they? MIRALDA Yes, they get it from the rivers. JOHN I see. MIRALDA It does seem a shame his not paying, doesn't it? JOHN A shame? I should think it is. An awfulshame. Why, it's a crying shame. He oughtto go to prison. MIRALDA Yes, he ought. But you see it's so hardto find him. It isn't as if it was this side ofPersia. It's being on the other side that issuch a pity. If only it was in a country like, like. . . JOHN I'd soon find him. I'd. . . Why, a manlike that deserves anything. MIRALDA It is good of you to say that. JOHN Why, I'd. . . And you say you nevergot a penny? MIRALDA No. JOHN Well, that is a shame. I call that adownright shame. MIRALDA Now, what ought I to do? JOHN Do? Well, now, you know in businessthere's nothing like being on the spot. Whenyou're on the spot you can--but then, ofcourse, it's so far. MIRALDA It is, isn't it? JOHN Still, I think you should go if you could. If only I could offer to help you in any way, I would gladly, but of course. . . MIRALDA What would you do? JOHN I'd go and find that Hussein fellow; andthen. . . MIRALDA Yes? JOHN Why, I'd tell him a bit about the law, andmake him see that you didn't keep all thatmoney that belonged to someone else. MIRALDA Would you really? JOHN Nothing would please me better. MIRALDA Would you really? Would you go all thatway? JOHN It's just the sort of thing that I should like, apart from the crying shame. The manought to be. . . MIRALDA We're getting into Holborn. Would youcome and lunch somewhere with me and talkit over? JOHN Gladly. I'd be glad to help. I've got tosee a man on business first. I've come up tosee him. And then after that, after thatthere was something I wanted to do after that. I can't think what it was. But something Iwanted to do after that. O, heavens, whatwas it? [Pause. ] MIRALDA Can't you think? JOHN No. O, well, it can't have been so veryimportant. And yet. . . Well, where shallwe lunch? MIRALDA Gratzenheim's. JOHN Right. What time? MIRALDA One-thirty. Would that suit? JOHN Perfectly. I'd like to get a man likeHussein in prison. I'd like. . . O, I beg yourpardon. [He hurries to open the door. ExitMIRALDA. ] Now what was it I wanted to doafterwards? [Throws hand to forehead. ]O, never mind. Curtain ACT II SCENE JOHN's tent in Al Shaldomir. Thereare two heaps of idols, left and right, lyingupon the ground inside the tent. DAOUDcarries another idol in his arms. JOHNlooks at its face. Six months have elapsed since the scenein the second-class railway carriage. JOHN BEAL This god is holy. [He points to the left heap. DAOUDcarries it there and lays it on the heap. ] DAOUD Yes, great master. JOHN BEAL You are in no wise to call me great master. Have not I said so? I am not your master. I am helping you people. I know better thanyou what you ought to do, because I amEnglish. But that's all. I'm not your master, See? DAOUD Yes, great master. JOHN BEAL O, go and get some more idols. Hurry. DAOUD Great master, I go. [Exit. ] JOHN BEAL I can't make these people out. DAOUD [returning] I have three gods. JOHN BEAL [looking at their faces, pointing tothe two smaller idols first]These two are holy. This one is unholy. DAOUD Yes, great master. JOHN BEAL Put them on the heap. [DAOUD does so, two left, one right. ] Get some more. [DAOUD salaams. Exit. ] [Looking at right heap. ] What a--what afilthy people [Enter DAOUD with two idols. ] JOHN BEAL [after scrutiny] This god is holy, this is unholy. [Enter ARCHIE BEAL, wearing a "Bowler"hat. ] Why, ARCHIE, this is splendid of you!You've come! Why, that's splendid! Allthat way! ARCHIE BEAL Yes, I've come. Whatever are you doing? JOHN BEAL ARCHIE, it's grand of you to come! I neverought to have asked it of you, only. . . ARCHIE BEAL O, that's all right. But what in the worldare you doing? JOHN BEAL ARCHIE, it's splendid of you. ARCHIE BEAL O, cut it. That's all right. But what's allthis? JOHN BEAL O, this. Well, well they're the very oddestpeople here. It's a long story. But I wantedto tell you first how enormously grateful Iam to you for coming. ARCHIE BEAL O, that's all right. But I want to knowwhat you're doing with all these genuineantiques. JOHN BEAL Well, ARCHIE, the fact of it is they're a realodd lot of people here. I've learnt theirlanguage, more or less, but I don't think I quiteunderstand them yet. A lot of them areMahommedans; they worship Mahommed, you know. He's dead. But a lot of themworship these things, and. . . ARCHIE BEAL Well, what have you got 'em all in herefor? JOHN BEAL Yes, that's just it. I hate interfering withthem, but, well, I simply had to. You seethere's two sorts of idols here; they offerfruit and rats to some of them; they lay themon their hands or their laps. ARCHIE BEAL Why do they offer them rats? JOHN BEAL O, I don't know. They don't know either. It's the right thing to do out here, it's beenthe right thing for hundreds of years; nobodyexactly knows why. It's like the bows wehave on evening shoes, or anything else. But it's all right. ARCHIE BEAL Well, what are you putting them in heapsfor? JOHN BEAL Because there's the other kind, the oneswith wide mouths and rust round them. ARCHIE BEAL Rust? Yes, so there is. What do theydo? JOHN BEAL They offer blood to them, ARCHIE. Theypour it down their throats. Sometimes theykill people, sometimes they only bleed them. It depends how much blood the idol wants. ARCHIE BEAL How much blood it wants? Good Lord!How do they know? JOHN BEAL The priests tell them. Sometimes theyfill them up to their necks--they're all hollow, you know. In spring it's awful. ARCHIE BEAL Why are they worse in spring? JOHN BEAL I don't know. The priests ask for moreblood then. Much more. They say it alwayswas so. ARCHIE BEAL And you're stopping it? JOHN BEAL Yes, I'm stopping these. One must. I'mletting them worship those. Of course, it'sidolatry and all that kind of thing, but Idon't like interfering short of actual murder. ARCHIE BEAL And they're obeying you? JOHN BEAL 'M, y-yes. I think so. ARCHIE BEAL You must have got a great hold over them. JOHN BEAL Well, I don't know about that. It's thepass that counts. ARCHIE BEAL The pass? JOHN BEAL Yes, that place you came over. It's theonly way anyone can get here. ARCHIE BEAL Yes, I suppose it is. But how does the passaffect these idols? JOHN BEAL It affects everything here. If that passwere closed no living man would ever enteror leave, or even hear of, this country. It'sabsolutely cut off except for that one pass. Why, ARCHIE, it isn't even on the map. ARCHIE BEAL Yes, I know. JOHN BEAL Well, whoever owns that pass is everybody. No one else counts. ARCHIE BEAL And who does own it? JOHN BEAL Well, it's actually owned by a fellow calledHussein, but Miss Clement's uncle, a mancalled Hinnard, a kind of lonely explorer, seems to have come this way; and I think heunderstood what this pass is worth. Anyhow, he lent Hussein a big sum of money andgot an acknowledgment from Hussein. OldHinnard must have been a wonderfullyshrewd man. For that acknowledgment isno more legal than an I. O. U. , and Husseinis simply a brigand. ARCHIE BEAL Not very good security. JOHN BEAL Well, you're wrong there. Hussein himselfrespects that piece of parchment he signed. There's the name of some god or other writtenon it Hussein is frightened of. Now yousee how things are. That pass is as holy asall the gods that there are in Al Shaldomir. Hussein possesses it. But he owes anenormous sum to Miss Miralda Clement, and I amhere as her agent; and you've come to helpme like a great sportsman. ARCHIE BEAL O, never mind that. Well, it all seemspretty simple. JOHN BEAL Well, I don't know, ARCHIE. Husseinadmits the debt, but. . . ARCHIE BEAL But what? JOHN BEAL I don't know what he'll do. ARCHIE BEAL Wants watching, does he? JOHN BEAL Yes. And meanwhile I feel sort ofresponsible for all these silly people. Somebody's got to look after them. Daoud! DAOUD [off] Great master. JOHN BEAL Bring in some more gods. DAOUD Yes, great master. JOHN BEAL I can't get them to stop calling me absurdtitles. They're so infernally Oriental. [Enter DAOUD. ] ARCHIE BEAL He's got two big ones this time. JOHN BEAL [to ARCHIE] You see, there is rust about their mouths. [To DAOUD]: They are both unholy. [He points to R. Heap, and DAOUDputs them there. To DAOUD. ] Bring in some more. DAOUD Great master, there are no more gods inAl Shaldomir. JOHN BEAL It is well. DAOUD What orders, great master. JOHN BEAL Listen. At night you shall come and takethese gods away. These shall be worshippedagain in their own place, these you shall castinto the great river and tell no man where youcast them. DAOUD Yes, great master. JOHN BEAL You will do this, Daoud? DAOUD Even so, great master. JOHN BEAL I am sorry to make you do it. You aresad that you have to do it. Yet it must bedone. DAOUD Yes, I am sad, great master. JOHN BEAL But why are you sad, Daoud? DAOUD Great master, in times you do not knowthese gods were holy. In times you have notguessed. In old centuries, master, perhapsbefore the pass. Men have prayed to them, sorrowed before them, given offerings tothem. The light of old hearths has shone onthem, flames from old battles. The shadowof the mountains has fallen on them, somany times, master, so many times. Dawnand sunset have shone on them, master, likefirelight flickering; dawn and sunset, dawnand sunset, flicker, flicker, flicker for centuryafter century. They have sat there watchingthe dawns like old men by the fire. They areso old, master, so old. And some day dawnand sunset will die away and shine on theworld no more, and they would have stillsat on in the cold. And now they go. . . They are our history, master, they are our oldtimes. Though they be bad times they areour times, master; and now they go. I amsad, master, when the old gods go. JOHN BEAL But they are bad gods, Daoud. DAOUD I am sad when the bad gods go. JOHN BEAL They must go, Daoud. See, there is noone watching. Take them now. DAOUD Even so, great master. [He takes up the largest of the gods withrust. ] Come, Aho-oomlah, thou shalt not drinkNideesh. JOHN BEAL Was Nideesh to have been sacrificed? DAOUD He was to have been drunk by Aho-oomlah. JOHN BEAL Nideesh. Who is he? DAOUD He is my son. [Exit with Aho-oomlah. JOHN BEAL almost gasps. ] ARCHIE BEAL [who has been looking roundthe tent] What has he been saying? JOHN BEAL They're--they're a strange people. Ican't make them out. ARCHIE BEAL Is that the heap that oughtn't to beworshipped? JOHN BEAL Yes. ARCHIE BEAL Well, do you know, I'm going to chuck thishat there. It doesn't seem to me somehow tobe any more right here than those idols wouldbe at home. Odd isn't it? Here goes. [He throws hat on right heap of idols. JOHNBEAL does not smile. ] Why, what's the matter? JOHN BEAL I don't like to see a decent Christian hatamong these filthy idols. They've all gotrust on their mouths. I don't like to seeit, Archie; it's sort of like what they callan omen. I don't like it. ARCHIE BEAL Do they keep malaria here? JOHN BEAL I don't think so. Why? ARCHIE BEAL Then what's the matter, Johnny? Your nervesare bad. JOHN BEAL You don't know these people, and I've broughtyou out here. I feel kind of responsible. If Hussein's lot turn nasty you don'tknow what he'd do, with all those idols andall. ARCHIE BEAL He'll give 'em a drink, you mean. JOHN BEAL Don't, ARCHIE. There's no saying. And Ifeel responsible for you. ARCHIE BEAL Well, they can have my hat. It lookssilly, somehow. I don't know why. Whatare we going to do? JOHN BEAL Well, now that you've come we can goahead. ARCHIE BEAL Righto. What at? JOHN BEAL We've got to see Hussein's accounts, andget everything clear in black and white, andsee just what he owes to Miss MiraldaClement. ARCHIE BEAL But they don't keep accounts here. JOHN BEAL How do you know? ARCHIE BEAL Why, of course they don't. One can seethat. JOHN BEAL But they must. ARCHIE BEAL Well, you haven't changed a bit for yoursix months here. JOHN BEAL Haven't changed? ARCHIE BEAL No. Just quietly thinking of business. You'll be a great business man, Johnny. JOHN BEAL But we must do business; that's what Icame here for. ARCHIE BEAL You'll never make these people do it. JOHN BEAL Well, what do you suggest? ARCHIE BEAL Let's have a look at old Hussein. JOHN BEAL Yes, that's what I have been waiting for. Daoud! DAOUD [off] Master. [Enters. ] JOHN BEAL Go to the palace of the Lord of the passand beat on the outer door. Say that Idesire to see him. Pray him to come to mytent. [DAOUD bows and Exit. ] [To ARCHIE. ] I've sent him to the palaceto ask Hussein to come. ARCHIE BEAL Lives in a palace, does he? JOHN BEAL Yes, it's a palace, it's a wonderful place. It's bigger than the Mansion House, much. ARCHIE BEAL And you're going to teach him to keepaccounts. JOHN BEAL Well, I must. I hate doing it. It seemsalmost like being rude to the Lord Mayor. But there's two things I can't stand--cheatingin business is one and murder's another. I've got to interfere. You see, if one happensto know the right from wrong as we do, we'vesimply got to tell people who don't. Butit isn't pleasant. I almost wish I'd nevercome. ARCHIE BEAL Why, it's the greatest sport in the world. It's splendid. JOHN BEAL I don't see it that way. To me those idolsare just horrid murder. And this man owesmoney to this girl with no one to look afterher, and he's got to pay. But I hate beingrude to a man in a place like the MansionHouse, even if he is black. Why, good Lord, who am I? It seems such cheek. ARCHIE BEAL I say, Johnny, tell me about the lady. Isshe pretty? JOHN BEAL What, Miss Miralda? Yes. ARCHIE BEAL But what I mean is--what's she like? JOHN BEAL Oh, I don't know. It's very hard to say. She's, she's tall and she's fair and she's gotblue eyes. ARCHIE BEAL Yes, but I mean what kind of a person isshe? How does she strike you? JOHN BEAL Well, she's pretty hard up until she getsthis money, and she hasn't got any job that'sany good, and no real prospects bar this, and nobody particular by birth, and doesn'tknow anybody who is, and lives in the leastfashionable suburb and can only just afforda second-class fare and. . . ARCHIE BEAL Yes, yes, go on. JOHN BEAL And yet somehow she sort of seems likea--like a queen. ARCHIE BEAL Lord above us! And what kind of a queen? JOHN BEAL O, I don't know. Well, look here, ARCHIE, it's only my impression. I don't know herwell yet. It's only my impression. I onlytell you in absolute confidence. You won'tpass it on to anybody, of course. ARCHIE BEAL O, no. Go on. JOHN BEAL Well, I don't know, only she seemed morelike well, a kind of autocrat, you know, who'd stop at nothing. Well, no, I don'tmean that, only. . . ARCHIE BEAL So you're not going to marry her? JOHN BEAL Marry her! Good Lord, no. Why, you'dnever dare ask her. She's not that sort. Itell you she's a sort of queen. And (GoodLord!) she'd be a queen if it wasn't forHussein, or something very like one. We can'tgo marrying queens. Anyhow, not one likeher. ARCHIE BEAL Why not one like her? JOHN BEAL I tell you--she's a--well, a kind of goddess. You couldn't ask her if she loved you. Itwould be such, such. . . ARCHIE BEAL Such what? JOHN BEAL Such infernal cheek. ARCHIE BEAL I see. Well, I see you aren't in love withher. But it seems to me you'll be seeing agood deal of her some day if we pull this off. And then, my boy-o, you'll be going andgetting in love with her. JOHN BEAL I tell you I daren't. I'd as soon propose tothe Queen of Sheba. ARCHIE BEAL Well, Johnny, I'm going to protect youfrom her all I can. JOHN BEAL Protect me from her? Why? ARCHIE BEAL Why, because there's lots of other girlsand it seems to me you might be happier withsome of them. JOHN BEAL But you haven't even seen her. ARCHIE BEAL Nor I have. Still, if I'm here to protectyou I somehow think I will. And if I'm not. . . JOHN BEAL Well, and what then? ARCHIE BEAL What nonsense I'm talking. Fate doeseverything. I can't protect you. JOHN BEAL Yes, it's nonsense all right, ARCHIE, but. . . HUSSEIN [off] I am here. JOHN BEAL Be seen. [HUSSEIN enters. He is not unlikeBluebeard. ] JOHN BEAL [pointing to ARCHIE]My brother. [ARCHIE shakes hands with HUSSEIN. HUSSEIN looks at his hand when it isover in a puzzled way. JOHN BEAL andHussein then bow to each other. ] HUSSEIN You desired my presence. JOHN BEAL I am honoured. HUSSEIN And I. JOHN BEAL The white traveller, whom we call Hinnard, lent you one thousand greater gold pieces, which in our money is one hundred thousandpounds, as you acknowledge. [Husseinnods his head. ] And every year you were topay him for this two hundred and fifty of yourgreater gold pieces--as you acknowledge also. HUSSEIN Even so. JOHN BEAL And this you have not yet had chance topay, but owe it still. HUSSEIN I do. JOHN BEAL And now Hinnard is dead. HUSSEIN Peace be with him. JOHN BEAL His heiress is Miss Miralda Clement, whoinstructs me to be her agent. What have youto say? HUSSEIN Peace be with Hinnard. JOHN BEAL You acknowledge your debt to this lady, Miss Miralda Clement? HUSSEIN I know her not. JOHN BEAL You will not pay your debt? HUSSEIN I will pay. JOHN BEAL If you bring the gold to my tent, mybrother will take it to Miss Clement. HUSSEIN I do not pay to Miss Clement. JOHN BEAL To whom do you pay? HUSSEIN I pay to Hinnard. JOHN BEAL Hinnard is dead. HUSSEIN I pay to Hinnard. JOHN BEAL How will you pay to Hinnard? HUSSEIN If he be buried in the sea. . . JOHN BEAL He is not buried at sea. HUSSEIN If he be buried by any river I go to the godof rivers. JOHN BEAL He is buried on land near no river. HUSSEIN Therefore I will go to a bronze god ofearth, very holy, having the soil in his careand the things of earth. I will take unto himthe greater pieces of gold due up to the yearwhen the white traveller died, and will meltthem in fire at his feet by night on themountains, saying, "O, Lruru-onn (this is hisname) take this by the way of earth to thegrave of Hinnard. " And so I shall be freeof my debt before all gods. JOHN BEAL But not before me. I am English. Andwe are greater than gods. ARCHIE BEAL What's that, Johnny? JOHN BEAL He won't pay, but I told him we're Englishand that they're greater than all his bronzegods. ARCHIE BEAL That's right, Johnny. [HUSSEIN looks fiercely at ARCHIE. He sees ARCHIE's hat lying before a bigidol. He points at the hat and looks inthe face of the idol. ] HUSSEIN [to the idol]Drink! Drink! [He bows. Exit. ] ARCHIE BEAL What's that he's saying? JOHN BEAL [meditatively]O, nothing--nothing. ARCHIE BEAL He won't pay, oh? JOHN BEAL No, not to Miss Miralda. ARCHIE BEAL Who to? JOHN BEAL To one of his gods. ARCHIE BEAL That won't do. JOHN BEAL No. ARCHIE BEAL What'll we do? JOHN BEAL I don't quite know. It isn't as if we were inEngland. ARCHIE BEAL No, it isn't. JOHN BEAL If we were in England. . . ARCHIE BEAL I know; if we were in England you couldcall a policeman. I tell you what it is, Johnny. JOHN BEAL Yes? ARCHIE BEAL I tell you what; you want to see more ofMiss Clement. JOHN BEAL Why? ARCHIE BEAL Why, because at the present moment ourfriend Hussein is a craftier fellow than you, and looks like getting the best of it. JOHN BEAL How will seeing more of Miss Miralda helpus? ARCHIE BEAL Why, because you want to be a bit craftierthan Hussein, and I fancy she might makeyou. JOHN BEAL She? How? ARCHIE BEAL We're mostly made what we are by somewoman or other. We think it's our owncleverness, but we're wrong. As things areyou're no match for Hussein, but if youaltered. . . JOHN BEAL Why, ARCHIE; where did you get all thoseideas from? ARCHIE BEAL O, I don't know. JOHN BEAL You never used to talk like that. ARCHIE BEAL O, well. JOHN BEAL You haven't been getting in love, ARCHIE, have you? ARCHIE BEAL What are we to do about Hussein? JOHN BEAL It's funny your mentioning Miss Miralda. I got a letter from her the same day I gotyours. ARCHIE BEAL What does she say? JOHN BEAL I couldn't make it out. ARCHIE BEAL What were her words? JOHN BEAL She said she was going into it closer. Sheunderlined closer. What could she mean bythat? How could she get closer? ARCHIE BEAL Well, the same way as I did. JOHN BEAL How do you mean? I don't understand. ARCHIE BEAL By coming here. JOHN BEAL By coming here? But she can't come here. ARCHIE BEAL Why not? JOHN BEAL Because it's impossible. Absolutelyimpossible. Why--good Lord--she couldn'tcome here. Why, she'd want a chaperon anda house and--and--everything. Good Lord, she couldn't come here. It would be--wellit would be impossible--it couldn't be done. ARCHIE BEAL O, all right. Then I don't know what shemeant. JOHN BEAL ARCHIE! You don't really think she'd comehere? You don't really think it, do you? ARCHIE BEAL Well, it's the sort of thing that that sort ofgirl might do, but of course I can't say. . . JOHN BEAL Good Lord, ARCHIE! That would be awful. ARCHIE BEAL But why? JOHN BEAL Why? But what would I do? Wherewould she go? Where would her chaperongo? The chaperon would be some elderlylady. Why, it would kill her. ARCHIE BEAL Well, if it did you've never met her, so youneedn't go into mourning for an elderly ladythat you don't know; not yet, anyway. JOHN BEAL No, of course not. You're laughing at me, ARCHIE. But for the moment I took youseriously. Of course, she won't come. Onecan go into a thing closely without doing itabsolutely literally. But, good Lord, wouldn'tit be an awful situation if she did. ARCHIE BEAL O, I don't know. JOHN BEAL All alone with me here? No, impossible. And the country isn't civilised. ARCHIE BEAL. Women aren't civilised. JOHN BEAL Women aren't. . . ? Good Lord, ARCHIE, what an awful remark. What do you mean? ARCHIE BEAL We're tame, they're wild. We like all thedull things and the quiet things, they likeall the romantic things and the dangerousthings. JOHN BEAL Why, ARCHIE, it's just the other way about. ARCHIE BEAL O, yes; we do all the romantic things, andall the dangerous things. But why? JOHN BEAL Why? Because we like them, I suppose. I can't think of any other reason. ARCHIE BEAL I hate danger. Don't you? JOHN BEAL Er--well, yes, I suppose I do, really. ARCHIE BEAL Of course you do. We all do. It's thewomen that put us up to it. She's puttingyou up to this. And the more she puts youup to the more likely is Hussein to get it in hisfat neck. JOHN BEAL But--but you don't mean you'd hurtHussein? Not--not badly, I mean. ARCHIE BEAL We're under her orders, Johnny. See whatshe says. JOHN BEAL You, you don't really think she'll comehere? ARCHIE BEAL Of course I do, and the best thing too. It's her show; she ought to come. JOHN BEAL But, but you don't understand. She'sjust a young girl, A girl like Miss Miraldacouldn't come out here over the pass anddown these mountains, she'd never stand it, and as for the chaperon. . . You'venever met Miss Miralda. ARCHIE BEAL No, Johnny. But the girl that was able toget you to go from Bromley to this place canlook after herself. JOHN BEAL I don't see what that's got to do with it. She was in trouble and I had to help her. ARCHIE BEAL Yes, and she'll be in trouble all the wayhere from Blackheath, and everyone will haveto help her. JOHN BEAL What beats me is how you can have thevery faintest inkling of what she's likewithout ever having seen her and without myhaving spoken of her to you for more than aminute. ARCHIE BEAL Well, Johnny, you're not a romantic bird, you're not a traveller by nature, barring yourone trip to Eastbourne, and it was I that tookyou there. And contrariwise, as they say ina book you've never read, you're alevelheaded business man and a hardworkingrespectable stay-at-home. You meet a girlin a train, and the next time I see you you'rein a place that isn't marked on the map andtelling it what gods it ought to worship andwhat gods it ought to have agnosticism about. Well, I say some girl. JOHN BEAL Well, I must say you make the mostextraordinary deductions, but it was awfully goodof you to come, and I ought to be grateful;and I am, too, I'm awfully grateful; and Iought to let you talk all the rot you like. Goahead. You shall say what you like and dowhat you like. It isn't many brothers thatwould do what you've done. ARCHIE BEAL O, that's nothing. I like this country. I'm glad I came. And if I can help you withHussein, why all the better. JOHN BEAL It's an awful country, Archie, but we'vegot to see this through. ARCHIE BEAL Does she know all about Hussein? JOHN BEAL Yes, everything. I've written fully. OMAR [Off] Al Shaldomir, Al Shaldomir, The nightingales that guard thy ways. . . JOHN BEAL [shouting| O, go away, go away. [To ARCHIE. ] I saidit was an awful country. They sit downoutside one's tent and do that kind of thing forno earthly reason. ARCHIE BEAL O, I'd let them sing. JOHN BEAL O, you can't have people doing that kind ofthing. OMAR [in doorway] Master, I go. JOHN BEAL But why do you come? OMAR I came to sing a joyous song to you, master. JOHN BEAL Why did you want to sing me a joyoussong? OMAR Because a lady is riding out of the West. [Exit. ] JOHN BEAL A lady out of. . . Good Lord! ARCHIE BEAL She's coming, Johnny. JOHN BEAL Coming? Good Lord, no, Archie. He saida lady; there'd be the chaperon too. There'dbe two of them if it was Miss Miralda. Buthe said a lady. One lady. It can't be her. A girl like that alone in Al Shaldomir. Cleanoff the map. Oh, no, it isn't possible. ARCHIE BEAL I wouldn't worry. JOHN BEAL Wouldn't worry? But, good Lord, thesituation's impossible. People would talk. Don't you see what people would say? Andwhere could they go? Who would look afterthem? Do try and understand how awfulit is. But it isn't. It's impossible. It can'tbe them. For heaven's sake run out and seeif it is; and (good Lord!) I haven't brushedmy hair all day, and, and--oh, look at me. [He rushes to camp mirror. ExitARCHIE. JOHN BEAL tidies up desperately. Enter ARCHIE. ] ARCHIE BEAL It's what you call THEM. JOHN BEAL What I call THEM? Whatever do youmean? ARCHIE BEAL Well, it's her. She's just like what you said. JOHN BEAL But it can't be. She doesn't ride. She cannever have been able to afford a horse. ARCHIE BEAL She's on a camel. She'll be here in amoment. [He goes to door. ] Hurry up with thathair; she's dismounted. JOHN BEAL O, Lord! What's the chaperon like? ARCHIE BEAL O, she's attending to that herself. JOHN BEAL Attending to it herself? What do youmean? ARCHIE BEAL I expect she'll attend to most things. [Enter HAFIZ EL ALCOLAHN in doorwayof tent, pulling back flap a little. ] JOHN BEAL Who are you? HAFIZ I show the gracious lady to your tent. [Enter MIRALDA CLEMENT, throwinga smile to HAFIZ. ] MIRALDA Hullo, Mr. Beal. JOHN BEAL Er--er--how do you do? [She looks at ARCHIE. ] O, this is my brother--Miss Clement. MIRANDA and ARCHIE BEAL How do you do? MIRALDA I like this country. JOHN BEAL I'm afraid I hardly expected you. MIRALDA Didn't you? JOHN BEAL No. You see er--it's such a long way. And wasn't it very expensive? MIRALDA Well, the captain of the ship was very kindto me. JOHN BEAL O! But what did you do when you landed? MIRALDA O, there were some Arabs coming this wayin a caravan. They were really very good tome too. JOHN BEAL But the camel? MIRALDA O, there were some people the other side ofthe mountains. Everybody has been verykind about it. And then there was the manwho showed me here. He's called Hafiz elAlcolahn. It's a nice name, don't you think? JOHN BEAL But, you know, this country, MissClement, I'm half afraid it's hardly--isn't it, Archie? Er--how long did you think ofstaying? MIRALDA O, a week or so. JOHN BEAL I don't know what you'll think of AlShaldomir. I'm afraid you'll find it. . . MIRALDA Oh, I like it. Just that hollow in themountains, and the one pass, and no record of itanywhere. I like that. I think it's lovely. JOHN BEAL You see, I'm afraid--what I mean is I'mafraid the place isn't even on the map! MIRALDA O, that's lovely of it. JOHN BEAL All decent places are. MIRALDA You mean if a place is on the map we'vegot to behave accordingly. But if not, why. . . JOHN BEAL Hussein won't pay. MIRALDA Let's see Hussein. JOHN BEAL I'm afraid he's rather, he's rather asavage-looking brigand. MIRALDA Never mind. [ARCHIE is quietly listening and smilingsometimes. ] Enter DAOUD. He goes up to theunholy heap and takes away two large idols, one under each arm. Exit. ] What's that, Mr. Beal? JOHN BEAL O, that. I'm afraid it's rather horrible. I told you it was an awful country. Theypray to these idols here, and some are allright, though of course it's terriblyblasphemous, but that heap, well, I'm afraid, wellthat heap is very bad indeed. MIRALDA What do they do? JOHN BEAL They kill people. MIRALDA Do they? How? JOHN BEAL I'm afraid they pour their blood down thosehorrible throats. MIRALDA Do they? How do you know? JOHN BEAL I've seen them do it, and those mouthsare all rusty. But it's all right now. Itwon't happen any more. MIRALDA Won't it? Why not? JOHN BEAL Well, I. . . ARCHIE BEAL He's stopped them, Miss Clement. They'reall going to be thrown into the river. MIRALDA Have you? JOHN BEAL Well, yes. I had to. So it's all right now. They won't do it any more. MIRALDA H'm. JOHN BEAL What, what is it? I promise you that's allright. They won't do that any more. MIRALDA H'm. I've never known anyone that triedto govern a country or anything of that sort, but. . . JOHN BEAL Of course, I'm just doing what I can to putthem right. . . . I'd be very glad of youradvice. . . Of course, I'm only here inyour name. MIRALDA What I mean is that I'd always thoughtthat the one thing you shouldn't do, if youdon't mind my saying so. . . JOHN BEAL No, certainly. MIRALDA Was to interfere in people'sreligious beliefs. JOHN BEAL But, but I don't think you quiteunderstand. The priests knife these people in thethroat, boys and girls, and then acolyteslift them up and the blood runs down. I'veseen them. MIRALDA I think it's best to leave religion to thepriests. They understand that kind of thing. [JOHN BEAL opens his mouth in horrorand looks at ARCHIE. ARCHIE returnsthe glance; there is very nearly a twinkle inARCHIE's eyes. ] MIRALDA Let's see Hussein. JOHN BEAL What do you think, Archie? ARCHIE BEAL Poor fellow. We'd better send for him. MIRALDA Why do you say "poor fellow"? ARCHIE BEAL Oh, because he's so much in debt. It'sawful to be in debt. I'd sooner almostanything happened to me than to owe a lot ofmoney. MIRALDA Your remark didn't sound verycomplimentary. ARCHIE BEAL O, I only meant that I'd hate to be in debt. And I should hate owing money to you, Because. . . MIRALDA Why? ARCHIE BEAL Because I should so awfully want to pay it. MIRALDA I see. ARCHIE BEAL That's all I meant. MIRALDA Does Hussein awfully want to pay it? ARCHIE BEAL Well, no. But he hasn't seen you yet. Hewill then, of course. [Enter DAOUD. He goes to the unholyheap. ] JOHN BEAL Daoud, for the present these gods muststay. Aho-oomlah's gone, but the rest muststay for the present. DAOUD Even so, great master. JOHN BEAL Daoud, go once more to the palace of theLord of the Pass and beat the outer door. Say that the great lady herself would see him. The great lady, Miss Clement, the whitetraveller's heiress. DAOUD Yes, master. JOHN BEAL Hasten. [Exit DAOUD. ] I have sent him for Hussein. MIRALDA I don't know their language. JOHN BEAL You will see him, and I'll tell you what hesays. MIRALDA [to ARCHIE] Have you been here long? ARCHIE BEAL No. I think he wrote to me by the samemail as he wrote to you (if they have mailshere). I came at once. MIRALDA So did I; but you weren't on the Empressof Switzerland. ARCHIE BEAL No, I came round more by land. JOHN BEAL You know, I hardly like bringing Husseinin here to see you. He's such a--he's rathera. . . MIRALDA What's the matter with him? JOHN BEAL Well, he's rather of the brigand type, andone doesn't know what he'll do. MIRALDA Well, we must see him first and hear whathe has to say before we take any steps. JOHN BEAL But what do you propose to do? MIRALDA Why, if he pays me everything he owes, orgives up the security. . . JOHN BEAL The security is the pass. MIRALDA Yes. If he gives up that or pays. . . JOHN BEAL You know he's practically king of thewhole country. It seems rather cheek almostmy sending for him like this. MIRALDA He must come. JOHN BEAL But what are you going to do? MIRALDA If he gives up the pass. . . JOHN BEAL Why, if he gives up the pass you'd beyou'd be a kind of queen of it all. MIRALDA Well, if he does that, all right. . . JOHN BEAL But what if he doesn't? MIRALDA Why, if he doesn't pay. . . HUSSEIN [off] I am here. JOHN BEAL Be seen. [Enter HUSSEIN. ] HUSSEIN Greeting once more. JOHN BEAL Again greeting. . . . The great lady, Miss Clement, is here. [HUSSEIN and MIRALDA look at eachother. ] You will pay to Miss Clement and not toyour god of bronze. On the word of anEnglishman, your god of bronze shall not haveone gold piece that belongs to the great lady! HUSSEIN [looking contemptuous] On the word of the Lord of the Pass, I onlypay to Hinnard. [He stands smiling while MIRALDAregards him. Exit. ] ARCHIE BEAL Well? JOHN BEAL He won't pay. ARCHIE BEAL What are we to do now? JOHN BEAL [to MIRALDA] I'm afraid he's rather an ugly customer tointroduce you to like that. I'm sorry he camenow. MIRALDA O, I like him, I think he looks splendid. ARCHIE BEAL Well, what are we to do? JOHN BEAL Yes. ARCHIE BEAL What do you say, Miss Clement? JOHN BEAL Yes, what do you feel we ought to do? MIRALDA Well, perhaps I ought to leave all that toyou. ARCHIE BEAL O, no. JOHN BEAL No, it's your money. What do you thinkwe really ought to do? MIRALDA Well, of course, I think you ought to killHussein. [JOHN BEAL and ARCHIE BEAL lookat each other a little startled. ] JOHN BEAL But wouldn't that--wouldn't thatbe--murder? MIRALDA O, yes, according to the English law. JOHN BEAL I see; you mean--you mean we're not--butwe are English. MIRALDA I mean it wouldn't be murder--by yourlaw, unless you made it so. JOHN BEAL By my law? MIRALDA Yes, if you can interfere with their religionlike this, and none of them say a word, why--you can make any laws you like. JOHN BEAL But Hussein is king here; he is Lord of thePass, and that's everything here. I'm nobody. MIRALDA O, if you like to be nobody, of course that'sdifferent. ARCHIE BEAL I think she means that if Hussein weren'tthere there'd be only you. Of course, I don'tknow. I've only just come. JOHN BEAL But we can't kill Hussein! [MIRALDA begins to cry. ] O Lord! Good heavens! Please, MissClement! I'm awfully sorry if I've saidanything you didn't like. I wouldn't do that forworlds. I'm awfully sorry. It's a beastlycountry, I know. I'm really sorry you came. I feel it's all my fault. I'm really awfullysorry. . . MIRALDA Never mind. Never mind. I was sohelpless, and I asked you to help me. I neverought to have done it. I oughtn't to havespoken to you at all in that train withoutbeing introduced; but I was so helpless. Andnow, and now, I haven't a penny in the world, and, O, I don't know what to do. ARCHIE BEAL We'll do anything for you, Miss Clement. JOHN BEAL Anything in the wide world. Please, pleasedon't cry. We'll do anything. MIRALDA I. . . I only, I only wanted to--to killHussein. But never mind, it doesn't matternow. JOHN BEAL We'll do it, Miss Clement, won't we, Archie? Only don't cry. We'll do it. I--Isuppose he deserves it, doesn't he? ARCHIE BEAL Yes, I suppose he does. JOHN BEAL Well, all right, Miss Clement, that's settled. My brother and I will talk it over. MIRALDA [still sniping] And--and--don't hang him or anything--helooks so fine. . . . I--I wouldn't likehim treated like that. He has such a grandbeard. He ought to die fighting. JOHN BEAL We'll see what we can do, Miss Clement. MIRALDA It is sweet of you. It's really sweet. It'ssweet of both of you. I don't know what I dhave done without you. I seemed to knowit that day the moment I saw you. JOHN BEAL O, it's nothing, Miss Clement, nothing atall. ARCHIE BEAL That's all right. MIRALDA Well, now I'll have to look for an hotel. JOHN BEAL Yes, that's the trouble, that really is thetrouble. That's what I've been thinking of MIRALDA Why, isn't there. . . JOHN BEAL No, I'm afraid there isn't. What are we todo, Archie. ARCHIE BEAL I--I can't think. Perhaps Miss Clementwould have a scheme. MIRALDA [to JOHN BEAL] I rely on you, Mr. Beal. JOHN BEAL I--I; but what can I. . . You see, you're all alone. If you'd anyone with you, you could have. . . MIRALDA I did think of bringing a rather nice aunt. But on the whole I thought it better not totell anyone. JOHN BEAL Not to tell. . . MIRALDA No, on the whole I didn't. JOHN BEAL I say, Archie, what are we to do? ARCHIE BEAL Here's Daoud. [Enter DAOUD. ] JOHN BEAL The one man I trust in Al Shaldomir! DAOUD I have brought two watchers of thedoorstep to guard the noble lady. JOHN BEAL He says he's brought two watchers of thedoorstep to look after Miss Clement. ARCHIE BEAL Two chaperons! Splendid! She can goanywhere now. JOHN BEAL Well, really, that is better. Yes that willbe all right. We can find a room for you now. The trouble was your being alone. I hopeyou'll like them. [To DAOUD. ] Tell themto enter here. DAOUD [beckoning in the doorway] Ho! Enter! JOHN BEAL That's all right, ARCHIE, isn't it? ARCHIE BEAL Yes, that's all right. A chaperon's achaperon, black or white. JOHN BEAL You won't mind their being black, will you, Miss Clement? MIRALDA No, I shan't mind. They can't be worsethan white ones. [Enter BAZZALOL and THOOTHOOBABAtwo enormous Nubians, bearing peacockfans and wearing scimitars. All stare atthem. They begin to fan slightly. ] DAOUD The watchers of the doorstep. JOHN BEAL Idiot, Daoud! Fools! Dolts! Men maynot guard a lady's door. [BAZZALOL and THOOTHOOBABA smileingratiatingly. ] We are not men. BAZZALOL [bowing] Curtain Six and a half years elapse THE SONG OF THE IRIS MARSHES When morn is bright on the mountains olden Till dawn is lost in the blaze of day, When morn is bright and the marshes golden, Where shall the lost lights fade away? And where, my love, shall we dream to-day? Dawn is fled to the marshy hollows Where ghosts of stars in the dimness stray, And the water is streaked with the flash ofswallows And all through summer the iris sway. But where, my love, shall we dream to-day? When night is black in the iris marshes. ACT III SCENE 1 Six and a half years later. Al Shaldomir. A room in the palace. MIRALDA reclines on a heap of cushions, JOHN beside her. Bazzalol and Thoothoobaba fan them. OMAR [declaiming to a zither] Al Shaldomir, Al Shaldomir, The nightingales that guard thy waysCease not to give thee, after God And after Paradise, all praise. Thou art the theme of all their lays. Al Shaldomir, Al Shaldomir. . . . MIRALDA Go now, Omar. OMAR O lady, I depart. [Exit. ] MIRALDA [languidly] John, John. I wish you'd marry me. JOHN Miralda, you're thinking of those oldcustoms again that we left behind us seven yearsago. What's the good of it? MIRALDA I had a fancy that I wished you would. JOHN What's the good of it? You know you aremy beloved. There are none of thoseclergymen within hundreds of miles. What's thegood of it? MIRALDA We could find one, John. JOHN O, yes, I suppose we could, but. . . MIRALDA Why won't you? JOHN I told you why. MIRALDA O, yes, that instinct that you must notmarry. That's not your reason, John. JOHN Yes, it is. MIRALDA It's a silly reason. It's a crazy reason. It's no reason at all. There's some otherreason. JOHN No, there isn't. But I feel that in mybones. I don't know why. You know thatI love none else but you. Besides, we'renever going back, and it doesn't matter. This isn't Blackheath. MIRALDA So I must live as your slave. JOHN No, no, Miralda. My dear, you are not myslave. Did not the singer compare our loveto the desire of the nightingale for theevening star? All know that you are my queen. MIRALDA They do not know at home. JOHN Home? Home? How could they know?What have we in common with home? Rowsand rows of little houses; and if they hear anightingale there they write to the papers. And--and if they saw this they'd think theywere drunk. Miralda, don't be absurd. What has set you thinking of home? MIRALDA I want to be crowned queen. JOHN But I am not a king. I am only Shereef. MIRALDA You are all-powerful here, John, you can dowhat you please, if you wish to. You don'tlove me at all. JOHN Miralda, you know I love you. Didn'tI kill Hussein for you? MIRALDA Yes, but you don't love me now. JOHN And Hussein's people killed ARCHIE. Thatwas for you too. I brought my brother outhere to help you. He was engaged to bemarried, too. MIRALDA But you don't love me now. JOHN Yes, I do. I love you as the dawn lovesthe iris marshes. You know the song theysing. (footnote: poem just before Act III) MIRALDA Then why won't you marry me? JOHN I told you, I told you. I had a dream aboutthe future. I forgot the dream, but I knowI was not to marry. I will not wrong thefuture. MIRALDA Don't be crazy. JOHN I will have what fancies I please, crazy orsane. Am I not Shereef of Shaldomir? Whodare stop me if I would be mad as Herod? MIRALDA I will be crowned queen. JOHN It is not my wish. MIRALDA I will, I will, I will. JOHN Drive me not to anger. If I have you castinto a well and take twenty of the fairestdaughters of Al Shaldomir in your place, whocan gainsay me? MIRALDA I will be crowned queen. JOHN O, do not be tiresome. MIRALDA Was it not my money that brought youhere? Was it not I who said "Kill Hussein"?What power could you have had, hadHussein lived? What would you have been doingnow, but for me? JOHN I don't know, Miralda. MIRALDA Catching some silly train to the City. Working for some dull firm. Living in somesmall suburban house. It is I, I, that broughtyou from all that, and you won't make me aqueen. JOHN Is it not enough that you are my beloved?You know there is none other but you. Isit not enough, Miralda? MIRALDA It is not enough. I will be queen. JOHN Tchah!. . . Miralda, I know you are awonderful woman, the most wonderful in theEast; how you ever came to be in the WestI don't know, and a train of all places; but, Miralda, you must not have petty whims, they don't become you. MIRALDA Is it a petty whim to wish to be a queen? JOHN Yes, when it is only the name you want. You are a queen. You have all you wish for. Are you not my beloved? And have I notpower here over all men? Could I not closethe pass? MIRALDA I want to be queen. JOHN Oh-h! I will leave you. I have more to dothan to sit and hear your whims. When Icome back you will have some other whim. Miralda, you have too many whims. [He rises. ] MIRALDA Will you be back soon? JOHN No. MIRALDA When will you come back, John? [She is reclining, looking fair, fanningslightly. ] JOHN In half an hour. MIRALDA In half an hour? JOHN Yes. [Exit. ] MIRALDA Half an hour. [Her fan is laid down. She clutchesit with sudden resolve. She goes to thewall, fanning herself slowly. She leansagainst it. She fans herself now withobvious deliberation. Three times thegreat fan goes pat against the window, andthen again separately three times; andthen she puts it against the window oncewith a smile of ecstasy. She has signalled. She returns to the cushions and reclineswith beautiful care, fanning herself softly. Enter the Vizier, HAFIZ EL ALCOLAHN] HAFIZ Lady! You bade me come. MIRALDA Did I, Hafiz? HAFIZ Lady, your fan. MIRALDA Ah, I was fanning myself. HAFIZ Seven times, lady. MIRALDA Ah, was it? Well, now you're here. HAFIZ Lady, O star of these times. O light overlonely marshes. [He kneels by her andembraces her. ] Is the Shereef gone, lady? MIRALDA For half an hour, Hafiz. HAFIZ How know you for half an hour? MIRALDA He said so. HAFIZ He said so? Then is the time to fear, if aman say so. MIRALDA I know him. HAFIZ In our country who knows any man somuch? None. MIRALDA He'll be away for half an hour. HAFIZ [embracing] O, exquisite lily of unattainable mountains. MIRALDA Ah, Hafiz, would you do a little thing forme? HAFIZ I would do all things, lady, O eveningstar. MIRANDA Would you make me a queen, Hafiz? HAFIZ If--if the Shereef were gathered? MIRALDA Even so, Hafiz. HAFIZ Lady, I would make you queen of all thatlies west of the passes. MIRANDA You would make me queen? HAFIZ Indeed, before all my wives, before allwomen, over all Shaldomir, named the elect. MIRALDA O, well, Hafiz; then you may kiss me. [HAFIZ does so ad lib. ] Hafiz, the Shereef has irked me. HAFIZ Lady, O singing star, to all men is the hour. MIRALDA The appointed hour? HAFIZ Even the appointed hour, the last, leadingto darkness. MIRALDA Is it written, think you, that the Shereef'shour is soon? HAFIZ Lady, O dawn's delight, let there be abanquet. Let the great ones of Shaldomir bebidden there. MIRALDA There shall be a banquet, Hafiz. HAFIZ Soon, O lady. Let it be soon, sole lily ofthe garden. MIRALDA It shall be soon, Hafiz. [More embraces. ] HAFIZ And above all, O lady, bid Daoud, the sonof the baker. MIRALDA He shall be bidden, Hafiz. HAFIZ O lady, it is well. MIRALDA Go now, Hafiz. HAFIZ Lady, I go [giving a bag of gold to BAZZALOL]. Silence. Silence. Silence. BAZZALOL [kneeling] O, master! HAFIZ Let the tomb speak; let the stars cry out;but do you be silent. BAZZALOL Aye, master. HAFIZ [to THOOTHOOBABA] And you. Though this one speak, yet besilent, or dread the shadow of Hafiz elAlcolahn. [He drops a bag of gold. THOOTHOOBABA goes down and grabs at the gold;his eyes gloat over it. ] THOOTHOOBABA Master, I speak not. Oh-h-h. [Exit HAFIZ. MIRALDA arranges herself on thecushions. She looks idly at each Nubian. TheNubians put each a finger over his lips andgo on fanning with one hand. ] MIRALDA A queen. I shall look sweet as a queen. [Enter JOHN. She rises to greet himcaressingly. Enter DAOUD. ] Oh, you have brought Daoud with you. JOHN Why not? MIRALDA You know that I don't like Daoud. JOHN I wish to speak with him. [MIRALDA looks straight at JOHN andmoves away in silence. Exit L. ] JOHN Daoud. DAOUD Great master. JOHN Daoud, one day in spring, in the cemeteryof those called Blessed, beyond the city'sgates, you swore to me by the graves of bothyour parents. . . . DAOUD Great master, even so I swore. JOHN . . . . To be true to me always. DAOUD There is no Shereef but my master. JOHN Daoud, you have kept your word. DAOUD I have sought to, master. JOHN You have helped me often, Daoud, warnedme and helped me often. Through you Iknew those currents that run through thedeeps of the market, in silence and all menfeel them, but a ruler never. You told me ofthem, and when I knew--then I could lookafter myself, Daoud. They could do nothingagainst me then. Well, now I hold thispeople. I hold them at last, Daoud, and now--well, I can rest a little. DAOUD Not in the East, master. JOHN Not in the East, Daoud? DAOUD No, master. JOHN Why? What do you mean? DAOUD In Western countries, master, whose talesI have read, in a wonderful book named the"Good Child's History of England, " in theWest a man hath power over a land, and lo!the power is his and descends to his son's sonafter him. JOHN Well, doesn't it in the East? DAOUD Not if he does not watch, master; in thenight and the day, and in the twilightbetween the day and the night, and in the dawnbetween the night and the day. JOHN I thought you had pretty long dynastiesin these parts, and pretty lazy ones. DAOUD Master, he that was mightiest of those thatwere kings in Babylon had a secret doorprepared in an inner chamber, which led to alittle room, the smallest in the palace, whoseback door opened secretly to the river, evento great Euphrates, where a small boat waitedall the days of his reign. JOHN Did he really now? Well, he was taking nochances. Did he have to use it? DAOUD No, master. Such boats are never used. Those that watch like that do not need toseek them, and the others, they would neverbe able to reach the river in time, even thoughthe boat were there. JOHN I shouldn't like to have to live like that. Why, a river runs by the back of this palace. I suppose palaces usually are on rivers. I'mglad I don't have to keep a boat there. DAOUD No, master. JOHN Well, what is it you are worrying about?Who is it you are afraid of? DAOUD Hafiz el Alcolahn. JOHN O, Hafiz. I have no fears of Hafiz. LatelyI ordered my spies to watch him no longer. Why does he hate me? DAOUD Because, most excellent master, you slewHussein. JOHN Slew Hussein? What is that to do withhim? May I not slay whom I please? DAOUD Even so, master. Even so. But he wasHussein's enemy. JOHN His enemy, eh? DAOUD For years he had dreamed of the joy ofkilling Hussein. JOHN Well, he should have done it before I came. We don't hang over things and brood overthem for years where I come from. If athing's to be done, it's done. DAOUD Even so, master. Hafiz had laid his plansfor years. He would have killed him and gothis substance; and then, when the hour drewnear, you came, and Hussein died, swiftly, not as Hafiz would have had him die; andlo! thou art the lord of the pass, and Hafiz isno more than a beetle that runs about in thedirt. JOHN Well, so you fear Hafiz? DAOUD Not for himself, master. Nay, I fear notHafiz. But, master, hast thou seen when thethunder is coming, but no rumble is heardand the sky is scarce yet black, how littlewinds run in the grass and sigh and die; andthe flower beckons a moment with its head;all the world full of whispers, master, allsaying nothing; then the lightning, master, andthe anger of God; and men say it camewithout warning? [Simply. ] I hear those thingscoming, master. JOHN Well? DAOUD Master, it is all silent in the market. Once, when the price of turquoises was high, menabused the Shereef. When the merchant mencould not sell their pomegranates for silverthey abused the Shereef. It is men's way, master, men's way. Now it is all silent in themarket. It is like the grasses with the idlewinds, that whisper and sigh and die away;like the flowers beckoning to nothing. Andso, master, and so. . . . JOHN I see, you fear some danger. DAOUD I fear it, master. JOHN What danger, Daoud? DAOUD Master, I know not. JOHN From what quarter, Daoud? DAOUD O master, O sole Lord of Al Shaldomir, named the elect, from that quarter. JOHN That quarter? Why, that is the graciouslady's innermost chamber. DAOUD From that quarter, great master, O Lordof the Pass. JOHN Daoud, I have cast men into prison forsaying less than this. Men have been floggedon the feet for less than this. DAOUD Slay me, master, but hear my words. JOHN I will not slay you. You are mistaken, Daoud. You have made a great mistake. The thing is absurd. Why, the gracious ladyhas scarcely seen Hafiz. She knows nothingof the talk of the market. Who could tellher? No one comes here. It is absurd. Onlythe other day she said to me. . . But itis absurd, it is absurd, Daoud. Besides, thepeople would never rebel against me. Do Inot govern them well? DAOUD Even so, master. JOHN Why should they rebel, then? DAOUD They think of the old times, master. JOHN The old times? Why, their lives weren'tsafe. The robbers came down from themountains and robbed the market whenever theyhad a mind. DAOUD Master, men were content in the old times. JOHN But were the merchants content? DAOUD Those that loved merchandise werecontent, master. Those that loved it not wentinto the mountains. JOHN But were they content when they wererobbed? DAOUD They soon recovered their losses, master. Their prices were unjust and they loved usury. JOHN And were the people content with unjustprices? DAOUD Some were, master, as men have to be inall countries. The others went into themountains and robbed the merchants. JOHN I see. DAOUD But now, master, a man robs a merchantand he is cast into prison. Now a man isslain in the market and his son, his own son, master, may not follow after the aggressorand slay him and burn his house. They areill-content, master. No man robs themerchants, no man slays them, and themerchants' hearts are hardened and they oppressall men. JOHN I see. They don't like good government? DAOUD They sigh for the old times, master. JOHN I see; I see. In spite of all I have done forthem, they want their old bad governmentback again. DAOUD It is the old way, master. JOHN Yes, yes. And so they would rebel. Well, we must watch. You have warned me onceagain, Daoud, and I am grateful. But youare wrong, Daoud, about the gracious lady. You are mistaken. It is impossible. You aremistaken, Daoud. I know it could not be. DAOUD I am mistaken, master. Indeed, I ammistaken. Yet, watch. Watch, master. JOHN Well, I will watch. DAOUD And, master, if ever I come to you bearingoars, then watch no longer, master, but followme through the banquet chamber and throughthe room beyond it. Move as the wild deermove when there is danger, without pausing, without wondering, without turning round;for in that hour, master, in that hour. . . . JOHN Through the room beyond the banquetchamber, Daoud? DAOUD Aye, master, following me. JOHN But there is no door beyond, Daoud. DAOUD Master, I have prepared a door. JOHN A door, Daoud? DAOUD A door none wots of, master. JOHN Whither does it lead? DAOUD To a room that you know not of, a littleroom; you must stoop, master. JOHN O, and then? DAOUD To the river, master. JOHN The river! But there's no boat there. DAOUD Under the golden willow, master. JOHN A boat? DAOUD Even so, under the branches. JOHN Is it come to that?. . . No, Daoud, allthis is unnecessary. It can't come to that. DAOUD If ever I come before you bearing two oars, in that hour, master, it is necessary. JOHN But you will not come. It will never cometo that. DAOUD No, master. JOHN A wise man can stop things before theyget as far as that. DAOUD They that were kings in Babylon were wisemen, master. JOHN Babylon! But that was thousands ofyears ago. DAOUD Man changes not, master. JOHN Well, Daoud, I will trust you, and if itever comes to that. . . [Enter MIRALDA. ] MIRALDA I thought Daoud was gone. DAOUD Even now I go, gracious lady. [Exit DAOUD. Rather strained silencewith JOHN and MIRALDA till he goes. She goes and retakes herself comfortableon the cushions. He is not entirely at ease. ] MIRALDA You had a long talk with Daoud. JOHN Yes, he came and talked a good deal. MIRALDA What about? JOHN O, just talk; you know these Easternpeople. MIRALDA I thought it was something you werediscussing with him. JOHN O, no. MIRALDA Some important secret. JOHN No, not at all. MIRALDA You often talk with Daoud. JOHN Yes, he is useful to me. When he talkssense I listen, but to-day. . . MIRALDA What did he come for to-day? JOHN O, nothing. MIRALDA You have a secret with Daoud that youwill not share with me. JOHN No, I have not. MIRALDA What was it he said? JOHN He said there was a king in Babylon who. . . [DAOUD slips into the room. ] MIRALDA In Babylon? What has that to do withus? JOHN Nothing. I told you he was not talkingsense. MIRALDA Well, what did he say? JOHN He said that in Babylon. . . DAOUD Hist! JOHN O, well. . . [MIRALDA glares, but calms herselfand says nothing. Exit DAOUD. ] MIRALDA What did Daoud say of Babylon? JOHN O, well, as you say, it had nothing to dowith us. MIRALDA But I wish to hear it. JOHN I forget. [For a moment there is silence. ] MIRALDA John, John. Will you do a little thing forme? JOHN What is it? MIRALDA Say you will do it, John. I should love tohave one of my little wishes granted. JOHN What is it? MIRALDA Kill Daoud, John. I want you to killDaoud. JOHN I will not. [He walks up and down in front of thetwo Nubians in silence. She pluckspetulantly at a pillow. She suddenly calmsherself. A light comes into her eyes. TheNubians go on fanning. JOHN goes onpacing. ] MIRALDA John, John, I have forgotten my foolishfancies. JOHN I am glad of it. MIRALDA I do not really wish you to kill Daoud. JOHN [same voice] I'm glad you don't. MIRALDA I have only one fancy now, John. JOHN Well, what is it? MIRALDA Give a banquet, John. I want you to givea banquet. JOHN A banquet? Why? MIRALDA Is there any harm in my fancy? JOHN No. MIRALDA Then if I may not be a queen, and if youwill not kill Daoud for me, give a banquet, John. There is no harm in a banquet. JOHN Very well. When do you want it? MIRALDA To-morrow, John. Bid all the great onesto it, all the illustrious ones in Al Shaldomir. JOHN Very well. MIRALDA And bid Daoud come. JOHN Daoud? You asked me to kill him. MIRALDA I do not wish that any longer, John. JOHN You have queer moods, Miralda. MIRALDA May I not change my moods, John? JOHN I don't know. I don't understand them. MIRALDA And ask Hafiz el Alcolahn, John. JOHN Hafiz? Why? MIRALDA I don't know, John. It was just my fancy. JOHN Your fancy, eh? MIRALDA That was all. JOHN Then I will ask him. Have you any otherfancy? MIRALDA Not now, John. JOHN Then go, Miralda. MIRALDA Go? JOHN Yes. MIRALDA Why? JOHN Because I command it. MIRALDA Because you command it? JOHN Yes, I, the Shereef Al Shaldomir. MIRALDA Very well. [Exit L. He walks to the door to see that she isreally gone. He comes back to centre andstands with back to audience, pulling acord quietly from his pocket and arrangingit. He moves half left and comes up behindBAZZALOL. Suddenly he slips the cordover BAZZALOL's head, and tightens itround his neck. ] [BAZZALOL flops on his knees. THOOTHOOBABA goes on fanning. ] JOHN Speak! [BAZZALOL is silent. JOHN tightens it more. THOOTHOOBABAgoes on quietly fanning. ] BAZZALOL I cannot. JOHN If you would speak, raise your left hand. If you raise your left hand and do not speakyou shall die. [BAZZALOL is silent. JOHN tightensmore. BAZZALOL raises his great flabbyleft hand high. JOHN releases the cord. BAZZALOL blinks and moves his mouth. ] BAZZALOL Gracious Shereef, one visited the greatlady and gave us gold, saying, "Speak not. " JOHN When? BAZZALOL Great master, one hour since. JOHN [a little viciously] Who? BAZZALOL O heaven-sent, he was Hafiz el Alcolahn. JOHN Give me the gold. [BAZZALOL gives it. ] [To THOOTHOOBABA. ] Give me thegold. THOOTHOOBABA Master, none gave me gold. [John touches his dagger, and looks likeusing it. THOOTHOOBABA gives it. ] JOHN Take back your gold. Be silent about this. You too. [He throws gold to BAZZALOL. ] Gold does not make you silent, but there isa thing that does. What is that thing?Speak. What thing makes you silent? BAZZALOL O, great master, it is death. JOHN Death, eh? And how will you die if youspeak? You know how you will die? BAZZALOL Yes, heaven-sent. JOHN Tell your comrade, then. BAZZALOL We shall be eaten, great master. JOHN You know by what? BAZZALOL Small things, great master, small things. Oh-h-h-h. Oh-h-h. [THOOTHOOBABA's knees scarcely holdhim. ] JOHN It is well. Curtain SCENE 2 A small street. Al Shaldomir. Time: Next day. [Enter L. The SHEIK OF THEBISHAREENS. He goes to an old green door, pointed ofcourse in the Arabic way. ] SHEIK OF THE BISHAREENS Ho, Bishareens! [The BISHAREENS run on. ] SHEIK It is the place and the hour. BISHAREENS Ah, ah! SHEIK [to FIRST BISHAREEN] Watch. [FIRST BISHAREEN goes to right andwatches up sunny street. ] FIRST BISHAREEN He comes. [Enter HAFIZ EL ALCOLAHN. He goesstraight up to the SHEIK and whispers. ] SHEIK [turning] Hear, O Bishareens. [HAFIZ places flute to his lips. ] A BISHAREEN And the gold, master? SHEIK Silence! It is the signal. [HAFIZ plays a weird, strange tune onhis flute. ] HAFIZ So. SHEIK Master, once more. [HAFIZ raises the flute again to his lips. ] SHEIK Hear, O Bishareens! [He plays the brief tune again. ] HAFIZ [to SHEIK] Like that. SHEIK We have heard, O master. [He walks away L. Hands move inthe direction of knife-hilts. ] THE BISHAREENS Ah, ah! [Exit HAFIZ. He plays a merry little tune on hisflute as he walks away. ] Curtain SCENE 3 The banqueting hall. A table along theback. JOHN and MIRALDA seated withnotables of Al Shaldomir. JOHN sits in the centre, with MIRALDAon his right and, next to her, HAFIZ ELALCOLAHN. MIRALDA [to JOHN] You bade Daoud be present? JOHN Yes. MIRALDA He is not here. JOHN Daoud not here? MIRALDA No. JOHN Why? MIRALDA We all obey you, but not Daoud. JOHN I do not understand it. A NOTABLE The Shereef has frowned. [Enter R. An OFFICER-AT-ARMS. Hehalts at once and salutes with his sword, then takes a side pace to his left, standingagainst the wall, sword at the carry. JOHN acknowledges salute by touchinghis forehead with the inner tips of hisfingers. ] OFFICER-AT-ARMS Soldiers of Al Shaldomir; with thedance-step; march. [Enter R. Some men in single file;uniform, pale green silks; swords at carry. They advance in single file, in a slightlyserpentine way, deviating to their left alittle out of the straight and returning to it, stepping neatly on the tips of their toes. Their march is fantastic and odd withoutbeing exactly funny. The OFFICER-AT-ARMS falls in on their left flank and marches about level with the third or fourth man. When he reaches the centre he gives another word of command. ] OFFICER-AT-ARMS With reverence: Salute. [The actor who takes this part shouldhave been an officer or N. C. O. JOHN stands up and acknowledges theirsalute by touching his forehead with thefingers of the right hand, palm turnedinwards. Exeunt soldiers L. JOHN sits down. ] A NOTABLE He does not smile this evening. A WOMAN The Shereef? NOTABLE He has not smiled. [Enter R. ZABNOOL, a CONJURER, withbrass bowl. He bows. He walks to centreopposite JOHN. He exhibits his bowl. ] ZABNOOL Behold. The bowl is empty. [ZABNOOL produces a snake. ] ZABNOOL Ah, little servant of Death. [He produces flowers. ] Flowers, master, flowers. All the way fromNowhere. [He produces birds. ] Birds, master. Birds from Nowhere. Sing, sing to the Shereef. Sing the littleempty songs of the land of Nowhere. [He seats himself on the ground facingJOHN. He puts the bowl on the ground. He places a piece of silk, with queerdesigns on it over the bowl. He partlydraws the silk away with his left hand andputs in his right. He brings out a youngcrocodile and holds it by the neck. ] CONJURER Behold, O Shereef; O people, behold; acrocodile. [He arises and bows to JOHN and wrapsup the crocodile in some drapery and walksaway. As he goes he addresses hiscrocodile. ] O eater of lambs, O troubler of the rivers, you sought to evade me in an empty bowl. O thief, O appetite, you sought to evade theShereef. The Shereef has seen you, O vexerof swimmers, O pig in armour, O. . . [Exit. SHABEESH, another CONJURER, rusheson. ] SHABEESH Bad man, master; he very, very bad man. [He pushes ZABNOOL away roughly, impetus of which carries ZABNOOL to thewings. ] Very, very bad man, master. MIRALDA [reprovingly] Zabnool has amused us. SHABEESH He very, very bad man, lily lady. He getcrocodile from devil. From devil Poolyana, lily lady. Very, very bad. MIRALDA He may call on devils if he amuse us, Shabeesh. SHABEESH But Poolyana, my devil. He call on mydevil, lily lady. Very, very, very bad. Mydevil Poolyana. MIRALDA Call on him yourself, Shabeesh. Amuseus. SHABEESH Shall one devil serve two masters? MIRALDA Why not? SHABEESH [beginning to wave priestly conjurer'shands] Very bad man go away. Go away, badman: go away, bad man. Poolyana not wantbad man: Poolyana only work for good man. He mighty fine devil. Poolyana, Poolyana. Big, black, fine, furry devil. Poolyana, Poolyana, Poolyana. O fine, fat devil with bigangry tail. Poolyana, Poolyana, Poolyana. Send me up fine young pig for the Shereef. Poolyana, Poolyana. Lil yellow pig withcurly tail. [Small pig appears. ] OPoolyana, great Poolyana. Fine black fur andgrey fur underneath. Fine ferocious devilyou my devil, Poolyana. O, Poolyana, Poolyana, Poolyana. Send me a big beast whatchew bad man's crocodile. Big beast withbig teeth, eat him like a worm. [He has spread large silk handkerchiefon floor and is edging back from it inalarm. ] Long nails in him toes, big like lion, Poolyana. Send great smelly big beast--eatup bad man's crocodile. [At first stir of handkerchief SHABEESHleaps in alarm. ] He come, he come. I see his teeth andhorns. [Enter small live rabbit from trapdoorunder handkerchief. ] O, Poolyana, you big devil have your liddlejoke. You laugh at poor conjuring man. You send him lil rabbit to eat big crocodile. Bad Poolyana. Bad Poolyana. [Whacks ground with stick. ] You plenty bad devil, Poolyana. [Whacking it again. Handkerchief hasbeen thrown on ground again. Handkerchief stirs slightly. ] No, no, Poolyana. You not bad devil. You not bad devil. You plenty good devil, Poolyana. No, no, no! Poor conjuring manquite happy on muddy earth. No, Poolyana, no! O, no, no, devil. O, no, no! Hell plentynice place for devil. Master! He not mydevil! He other man's devil! JOHN What's this noise? What's it about?What's the matter? SHABEESH [in utmost terror] He coming, master! Coming! ZABNOOL Poolyana, Poolyana, Poolyana. Staydown, stay down, Poolyana. Stay down innice warm hell, Poolyana. The Shereef wantno devil to-day. [ZABNOOL before speaking returns tocentre and pats air over ground wherehandkerchief lies. Then SHABEESH and ZABNOOL cometogether side by side and bow and smiletogether toward the SHEREEF. Gold isthrown to them, which ZABNOOL gathersand hands to SHABEESH, who gives a shareback to ZABNOOL. ] A NOTABLE The Shereef is silent. [Enter three women R. In single file, dancing, and carrying baskets full of pinkrose-leaves. They dance across, throwingdown rose-leaves, leaving a path of thembehind them. Exeunt L. ] A NOTABLE Still he is silent. MIRALDA Why do you not speak? JOHN I do not wish to speak. MIRALDA Why? [Enter OMAR with his zither. ] OMAR [singing] Al Shaldomir, Al Shaldomir, Birds sing thy praises night and day; The nightingale in every wood, Blackbirds in fields profound with may;Birds sing of thee by every way. Al Shaldomir, Al Shaldomir, My heart is ringing with thee stillThough far away, O fairy fields, My soul flies low by every hillAnd misses not one daffodil. Al Shaldomir, Al Shaldomir, O mother of my roving dreamsBlue is the night above thy spiresAnd blue by myriads of streamsParadise through thy gateway gleams. MIRALDA Why do you not wish to speak? JOHN You desire me to speak? MIRALDA No. They all wonder why you do notspeak; that is all. JOHN I will speak. They shall hear me. MIRALDA O, there is no need to. JOHN There is a need. [He rises. ] People ofShaldomir, behold I know your plottings. I know the murmurings that you murmuragainst me. When I sleep in my innerchamber my ear is in the market, while I sit atmeat I hear men whisper far hence and knowtheir innermost thoughts. Hope not toovercome me by your plans nor by any manner ofcraftiness. My gods are gods of brass; nonehave escaped them. They cannot beoverthrown. Of all men they favour my people. Their hands reach out to the uttermost endsof the earth. Take heed, for my gods areterrible. I am the Shereef; if any darewithstand me I will call on my gods and they shallcrush him utterly. They shall grind him intothe earth and trample him under, as thoughhe had not been. The uttermost parts havefeared the gods of the English. They reachout, they destroy, there is no escape fromthem. Be warned; for I do not permit anyto stand against me. The laws that I havegiven you, you shall keep; there shall be noother laws. Whoso murmurs shall know mywrath and the wrath of my gods. Take heed, I speak not twice. I spoke once to Hussein. Hussein heard not; and Hussein is dead, hisears are closed for ever. Hear, O people. HAFIZ O Shereef, we murmur not against you. JOHN I know thoughts and hear whispers. Ineed not instruction, Hafiz. HAFIZ You exalt yourself over us as none didaforetime. JOHN Yes. And I will exalt myself. I have beenShereef hitherto, but now I will be king. AlShaldomir is less than I desire. I have ruledtoo long over a little country. I will be theequal of Persia. I will be king; I proclaim it. The pass is mine; the mountains shall bemine also. And he that rules the mountainshas mastery over all the plains beyond. Ifthe men of the plains will not own it let themmake ready; for my wrath will fall on themin the hour when they think me afar, on anight when they think I dream. I proclaimmyself king over. . . [HAFIZ pulls out his flute and plays theweird, strange tune. JOHN looks at him inhorrified anger. ] JOHN The penalty is death! Death is thepunishment for what you do, Hafiz. You havedared while I spoke. Hafiz, your contempt isdeath. Go to Hussein. I, the king. . . Say it. [DAOUD has entered R. , bearing twooars. DAOUD walks across, not lookingat JOHN. Exit by small door in L. Nearback. JOHN gives one look at the banqueters, then he follows DAOUD. Exit. All look astonished. Some rise andpeer. HAFIZ draws his knife. ] OMAR [singing] Al Shaldomir, Al Shaldomir, The nightingales that guard thy waysCease not to give thee, after GodAnd after Paradise, all praise. CRIES [off] Kill the unbeliever. Kill the dog. Kill theChristian. [Enter the SHEIK OF THE BISHAREENS, followed by all his men. ] SHEIK We are the Bishareens, master. [MIRALDA standing up, right armakimbo, left arm pointing perfectly straight outtowards the small door, hand extended. ] MIRALDA He is there. [The BISHAREENS run off through thelittle door. ] A NOTABLE Not to interfere with old ways is wisest. ANOTHER Indeed, it would have been well for him. [The BISHAREENS begin to returnlooking all about them like disappointedhounds. ] A BISHAREEN He is not there, master. HAFIZ Not there? Not there? Why, there is nodoor beyond. He must needs be there, andhis chief spy with him. SHEIK [off] He is not here. MIRALDA [turning round and clawing the wall] O, I was weary of him. I was weary of him. HAFIZ Be comforted, pearl of the morning; he isgone. MIRALDA When I am weary of a man he must die. [He embraces her knees. ] ZAGBOOLA [who has come on with a little crowdthat followed the BISHAREENS. She isblind. ] Lead me to Hafiz. I am the mother ofHafiz. Lead me to Hafiz. [They lead hernear. ] Hafiz! Hafiz! [She finds his shoulder and tries to draghim away. ] HAFIZ Go! Go! I have found the sole pearl ofthe innermost deeps of the sea. [He is kneeling and kissing MIRALDA'shand. ZAGBOOLA wails. ] Curtain ACT IV SCENE 1 Three years elapse. Scene: The street outside the Acacias. Time: Evening. [Ali leans on a pillar-box watching. John shuffles on L. He is miserablydressed, an Englishman down on his luck. A nightingale sings far off. ] JOHN A nightingale here. Well, I never. Al Shaldomir, Al Shaldomir, The nightingales that guard thy waysCease not to give thee, after GodAnd after Paradise, all praise. . . The infernal place! I wish I had neverseen it! Wonder what set me thinking ofthat? [The nightingale sings another bar. JOHN turns to his left and walks down thelittle path that leads to the door of theAcacias. ] I mustn't come here. Mustn't come to afine house like this. Mustn't. Mustn't. [He draws near it reluctantly. He putshis hand to the bell and withdraws it. Then he rings and snatches his hand away. He prepares to run away. Finally he ringsit repeatedly, feverishly, violently. Enter LIZA, opening the door. ] LIZA Ullo, 'Oo's this! JOHN I oughtn't to have rung, miss, I know. Ioughtn't to have rung your bell; but I'veseen better days, and wondered if--Iwondered. . . LIZA I oughtn't to 'ave opened the door, that'swot I oughtn't. Now I look at you, Ioughtn't to 'ave opened it. Wot does youwant? JOHN O, don't turn me away now, miss. I mustcome here. I must. LIZA Must? Why? JOHN I don't know. LIZA Wot do you want? JOHN Who lives here? LIZA Mr. And Mrs. Cater; firm of Briggs, Cater, and Johnstone. What do you want? JOHN Could I see Mr. Cater? LIZA He's out. Dining at the Mansion House. JOHN Oh. LIZA He is. JOHN Could I see Mrs. Cater? LIZA See Mrs. Cater? No, of course youcouldn't. [She prepares to shut the door. ] JOHN Miss! Miss! Don't go, miss. Don't shutme out. If you knew what I'd suffered, ifyou knew what I'd suffered. Don't! LIZA [coming forward again] Suffered? Why? Ain't you got enough toeat? JOHN No, I've had nothing all day. LIZA 'Aven't you really now? JOHN No. And I get little enough at any time. LIZA [kindly] You ought to work. JOHN I. . . I can't. I can't bring myself. . . I've seen better times. LIZA Still, you could work. JOHN I--I can't grub for halfpennies when I've--when I've. . . LIZA When you've what? JOHN Lost millions. LIZA Millions? JOHN I've lost everything. LIZA 'Ow did you lose it? JOHN Through being blind. But never mind, never mind. It's all gone now, and I'mhungry. LIZA 'Ow long 'ave you been down on your luck? JOHN It's three years now. LIZA Couldn't get a regular job, like? JOHN Well, I suppose I might have. I supposeit's my fault, miss. But the heart was out ofme. LIZA Dear me, now. JOHN Miss. LIZA Yes? JOHN You've a kind face. . . LIZA 'Ave I? JOHN Yes. Would you do me a kind turn? LIZA Well, I dunno. I might, as yer so downon yer luck--I don't like to see a man likeyou are, I must say. JOHN Would you let me come into the big houseand speak to the missus a moment? LIZA She'd row me awful if I did. This house isvery respectable. JOHN I feel, if you would, I feel, I feel my luckmight change. LIZA But I don't know what she'd say if I did. JOHN Miss, I must. LIZA I don't know wot she'd say. JOHN I must come in, miss, I must. LIZA I don't know what she'll say. JOHN I must. I can't help myself. LIZA I don't know what she'll. . . [JOHN is in, door shuts. ] [ALI throws his head up and laughs, but quite silently. ] Curtain SCENE 2 The drawing-room at the Acacias. A moment later. The scene is the same as in Act I, exceptthat the sofa which was red is now green, and the photograph of Aunt Martha isreplaced by that of a frowning old colonel. The ages of the four children in thephotographs are the same, but their sexes havechanged. [MARY reading. Enter LIZA. ] LIZA There's a gentleman to see you, mum, which is, properly speaking, not a gentlemanat all, but 'e would come in, mum. MARY Not a gentleman! Good gracious, Liza, whatever do you mean? LIZA 'E would come in, mum. MARY But what does he want? LIZA [over shoulder] What does you want? JOHN [entering] I am a beggar. MARY O, really? You've no right to be cominginto houses like this, you know. JOHN I know that, madam, I know that. Yetsomehow I couldn't help myself. I've beenbegging for nearly three years now, and I'venever done this before, yet somehow to-nightI felt impelled to come to this house. I begyour pardon, humbly. Hunger drove me toit. MARY Hunger? JOHN I'm very hungry, madam. MARY Unfortunately Mr. Cater has not yetreturned, or perhaps he might. . . JOHN If you could give me a little to eatyourself, madam, a bit of stale bread, a crust, something that Mr. Cater would not want. MARY It's very unusual, coming into a house likethis and at such an hour--it's past eleveno'clock--and Mr. Cater not yet returned. Are you really hungry? JOHN I'm very, very hungry. MARY Well, it's very unusual; but perhaps Imight get you a little something. [She picks up an empty plate from thesupper table. ] JOHN Madam, I do not know how to thank you. MARY O, don't mention it. JOHN I have not met such kindness for threeyears. I. . . I'm starving. I've knownbetter times. MARY [kindly] I'll get you something. You've knownbetter times, you say? JOHN I had been intended for work in the City. And then, then I travelled, and--and I gotvery much taken with foreign countries, andI thought--but it all went to pieces. I losteverything. Here I am, starving. MARY [as one might reply to the Mayoress whohad lost her gloves] O, I'm so sorry. [JOHN sighs deeply. ] MARY I'll get a nice bit of something to eat. JOHN A thousand thanks to you, madam. [Exit MARY with the plate. ] LIZA [who has been standing near the door all thetime] Well, she's going to get you something. JOHN Heaven reward her. LIZA Hungry as all that? JOHN I'm on my beam ends. LIZA Cheer up! JOHN That's all very well to say, living in a finehouse, as you are, dry and warm and well-fed. But what have I to cheer up about? LIZA Isn't there anything you could pop? JOHN What? LIZA Nothing you can take to the pawn-shop?I've tided over times I wanted a bit of cashthat way sometimes. JOHN What could I pawn? LIZA Well, well you've a watch-chain. JOHN A bit of old leather. LIZA But what about the watch? JOHN I've no watch. LIZA O, funny having a watch-chain then. JOHN O, that's only for this; it's a bit of crystal. LIZA Funny bit of a thing. What's it for? JOHN I don't know. LIZA Was it give to you? JOHN I don't know. I don't know how I got it. LIZA Don't know how you got it? JOHN No, I can't remember at all. But I've afeeling about it, I can't explain what I feel;but I don't part with it. LIZA Don't you? You might get something onit, likely and have a square meal. JOHN I won't part with it. LIZA Why? JOHN I feel I won't. I never have. LIZA Feel you won't? JOHN Yes, I have that feeling very strongly. I've kept it always. Everything else is gone. LIZA Had it long? JOHN Yes, yes. About ten years. I found I hadit one morning in a train. It's odd that Ican't remember. LIZA But wot d'yer keep it for? JOHN Just for luck. [LIZA breaks into laughter. ] LIZA Well, you are funny. JOHN I'm on my beam ends. I don't know if that is funny. LIZA You're as down in your luck as ever youcan be, and you go keeping a thing like thatfor luck. Why, you couldn't be funnier. JOHN Well, what would you do? LIZA Why, I 'ad a mascot once, all real gold; andI had rotten luck. Rotten luck I had. Rotten. JOHN And what did you do? LIZA Took it back to the shop. JOHN Yes? LIZA They was quite obliging about it. Gaveme a wooden one instead, what wasguaranteed. Luck changed very soon altogether. JOHN Could luck like mine change? LIZA Course it could. JOHN Look at me. LIZA You'll be all right one of these days. Giveme that mascot. JOHN I--I hardly like to. One has an awfullystrong feeling with it. LIZA Give it to me. It's no good. JOHN I--I don't like to. LIZA You just give it to me. I tell you it's doingyou no good. I know all about them mascots. Give it me. JOHN Well, I'll give it you. You're thefirst woman that's been kind to me since. . . I'm on my beam ends. [Face in hands--tears. ] LIZA There, there. I'm going to smash it, I am. These mascots! One's better without 'em. Your luck'll turn, never fear. And you've anice supper coming. [She puts it in a corner of themantelpiece and hammers it. It smashes. The photographs of the four childrenchange slightly. The Colonel gives placeto Aunt Martha. The green sofa turns red. JOHN's clothes become neat and tidy. Thehammer in LIZA's hand turns to a featherduster. Nothing else changes. ] A VOICE [off, in agony] Allah! Allah! Allah! LIZA Some foreign gentleman must have hurthimself. JOHN H'm. Sounds like it. . . Liza. [LIZA, dusting the photographs on thewall, just behind the corner of themantelpiece. ] LIZA Funny. Thought I--thought I 'ad ahammer in my hand. JOHN Really, Liza, I often think you have. Youreally should be more careful. Only--onlyyesterday you broke the glass of Miss Jane'sphotograph. LIZA Thought it was a hammer. JOHN Really, I think it sometimes is. It's amistake you make too often, Liza. You--youmust be more careful. LIZA Very well, sir. Funny my thinking I 'adan 'ammer in my 'and, though. [She goes to tidy the little supper table. Enter MARY with food on a plate. ] MARY I've brought you your supper, John. JOHN Thanks, Mary. I--I think I must havetaken a nap. MARY Did you, dear? Thanks, Liza. Run alongto bed now, Liza. Good gracious, it'shalf-past eleven. [MARY makes final arrangements ofsupper table. ] LIZA Thank you, mum. [Exit ] JOHN Mary. MARY Yes, John. JOHN I--I thought I'd caught that train. Curtain