HOSPITAL SKETCHES

By

LOUISA MAY ALCOTT

 THESE SKETCHES ARE RESPECTFULLY DEDICATED TO HER FRIEND MISS HANNAH STEVENSON BY L. M. A. 

CONTENTS

 I. Obtaining Supplies II. A Forward Movement III. A Day IV. A Night V. Off Duty VI. A Postscript

CHAPTER I

OBTAINING SUPPLIES. 

"I want something to do. "

This remark being addressed to the world in general, no one inparticular felt it their duty to reply; so I repeated it to the smallerworld about me, received the following suggestions, and settled thematter by answering my own inquiry, as people are apt to do when verymuch in earnest. 

"Write a book, " quoth the author of my being. 

"Don't know enough, sir. First live, then write. "

"Try teaching again, " suggested my mother. 

"No thank you, ma'am, ten years of that is enough. "

"Take a husband like my Darby, and fulfill your mission, " said sisterJoan, home on a visit. 

"Can't afford expensive luxuries, Mrs. Coobiddy. "

"Turn actress, and immortalize your name, " said sister Vashti, strikingan attitude. 

"I won't. "

"Go nurse the soldiers, " said my young brother, Tom, panting for "thetented field. "

"I will!"

So far, very good. Here was the will--now for the way. At first sightnot a foot of it appeared, but that didn't matter, for the Periwinklesare a hopeful race; their crest is an anchor, with three cock-a-doodlescrowing atop. They all wear rose-colored spectacles, and are linealdescendants of the inventor of aerial architecture. An hour'sconversation on the subject set the whole family in a blaze ofenthusiasm. A model hospital was erected, and each member had acceptedan honorable post therein. The paternal P. Was chaplain, the maternalP. Was matron, and all the youthful P. S filled the pod of futurity withachievements whose brilliancy eclipsed the glories of the present andthe past. Arriving at this satisfactory conclusion, the meetingadjourned, and the fact that Miss Tribulation was available as armynurse went abroad on the wings of the wind. 

In a few days a townswoman heard of my desire, approved of it, andbrought about an interview with one of the sisterhood which I wished tojoin, who was at home on a furlough, and able and willing to satisfyall inquiries. A morning chat with Miss General S. --we hear no end ofMrs. Generals, why not a Miss?--produced three results: I felt that Icould do the work, was offered a place, and accepted it, promising notto desert, but stand ready to march on Washington at an hour's notice. 

A few days were necessary for the letter containing my request andrecommendation to reach headquarters, and another, containing mycommission, to return; therefore no time was to be lost; and heartilythanking my pair of friends, I tore home through the December slush asif the rebels were after me, and like many another recruit, burst inupon my family with the announcement--

"I've enlisted!"

An impressive silence followed. Tom, the irrepressible, broke it with aslap on the shoulder and the graceful compliment--

"Old Trib, you're a trump!"

"Thank you; then I'll take something:" which I did, in the shape ofdinner, reeling off my news at the rate of three dozen words to amouthful; and as every one else talked equally fast, and all together, the scene was most inspiring. 

As boys going to sea immediately become nautical in speech, walk as ifthey already had their "sea legs" on, and shiver their timbers on allpossible occasions, so I turned military at once, called my dinner myrations, saluted all new comers, and ordered a dress parade that veryafternoon. Having reviewed every rag I possessed, I detailed some forpicket duty while airing over the fence; some to the sanitaryinfluences of the wash-tub; others to mount guard in the trunk; whilethe weak and wounded went to the Work-basket Hospital, to be made readyfor active service again. To this squad I devoted myself for a week;but all was done, and I had time to get powerfully impatient before theletter came. It did arrive however, and brought a disappointment alongwith its good will and friendliness, for it told me that the place inthe Armory Hospital that I supposed I was to take, was already filled, and a much less desirable one at Hurly-burly House was offered instead. 

"That's just your luck, Trib. I'll tote your trunk up garret for youagain; for of course you won't go, " Tom remarked, with the disdainfulpity which small boys affect when they get into their teens. I waswavering in my secret soul, but that settled the matter, and I crushedhim on the spot with martial brevity--

"It is now one; I shall march at six. "

I have a confused recollection of spending the afternoon in pervadingthe house like an executive whirlwind, with my family swarming afterme, all working, talking, prophesying and lamenting, while I packed my"go-abroady" possessions, tumbled the rest into two big boxes, dancedon the lids till they shut, and gave them in charge, with thedirection, --

"If I never come back, make a bonfire of them. "

Then I choked down a cup of tea, generously salted instead of sugared, by some agitated relative, shouldered my knapsack--it was only atraveling bag, but do let me preserve the unities--hugged my familythree times all round without a vestige of unmanly emotion, till acertain dear old lady broke down upon my neck, with a despairing sortof wail--

"Oh, my dear, my dear, how can I let you go?"

"I'll stay if you say so, mother. "

"But I don't; go, and the Lord will take care of you. "

Much of the Roman matron's courage had gone into the Yankee matron'scomposition, and, in spite of her tears, she would have sent ten sonsto the war, had she possessed them, as freely as she sent one daughter, smiling and flapping on the door-step till I vanished, though the eyesthat followed me were very dim, and the handkerchief she waved was verywet. 

My transit from The Gables to the village depot was a funny mixture ofgood wishes and good byes, mud-puddles and shopping. A Decembertwilight is not the most cheering time to enter upon a somewhatperilous enterprise, and, but for the presence of Vashti and neighborThorn, I fear that I might have added a drop of the briny to the nativemoisture of--

 "The town I left behind me;"

though I'd no thought of giving out: oh, bless you, no! When the enginescreeched "Here we are, " I clutched my escort in a fervent embrace, andskipped into the car with as blithe a farewell as if going on a bridaltour--though I believe brides don't usually wear cavernous blackbonnets and fuzzy brown coats, with a hair-brush, a pair of rubbers, two books, and a bag of ginger-bread distorting the pockets of thesame. If I thought that any one would believe it, I'd boldly state thatI slept from C. To B. , which would simplify matters immensely; but as Iknow they wouldn't, I'll confess that the head under the funerealcoal-hod fermented with all manner of high thoughts and heroic purposes"to do or die, "--perhaps both; and the heart under the fuzzy brown coatfelt very tender with the memory of the dear old lady, probably sobbingover her army socks and the loss of her topsy-turvy Trib. At thisjuncture I took the veil, and what I did behind it is nobody'sbusiness; but I maintain that the soldier who cries when his mothersays "Good bye, " is the boy to fight best, and die bravest, when thetime comes, or go back to her better than he went. 

Till nine o'clock I trotted about the city streets, doing those lasterrands which no woman would even go to heaven without attempting, ifshe could. Then I went to my usual refuge, and, fully intending to keepawake, as a sort of vigil appropriate to the occasion, fell fast asleepand dreamed propitious dreams till my rosy-faced cousin waked me with akiss. 

A bright day smiled upon my enterprise, and at ten I reported myself tomy General, received last instructions and no end of the sympatheticencouragement which women give, in look, touch, and tone moreeffectually than in words. The next step was to get a free pass toWashington, for I'd no desire to waste my substance on railroadcompanies when "the boys" needed even a spinster's mite. A friend ofmine had procured such a pass, and I was bent on doing likewise, thoughI had to face the president of the railroad to accomplish it. I'm abashful individual, though I can't get any one to believe it; so itcost me a great effort to poke about the Worcester depot till the rightdoor appeared, then walk into a room containing several gentlemen, andblunder out my request in a high state of stammer and blush. Nothingcould have been more courteous than this dreaded President, but it wasevident that I had made as absurd a demand as if I had asked for thenose off his respectable face. He referred me to the Governor at theState House, and I backed out, leaving him no doubt to regret that suchmild maniacs were left at large. Here was a Scylla and Charybdisbusiness: as if a President wasn't trying enough, without the Governorof Massachusetts and the hub of the hub piled on top of that. "I nevercan do it, " thought I. "Tom will hoot at you if you don't, " whisperedthe inconvenient little voice that is always goading people to theperformance of disagreeable duties, and always appeals to the mosteffective agent to produce the proper result. The idea of allowing anyboy that ever wore a felt basin and a shoddy jacket with a microscopictail, to crow over me, was preposterous, so giving myself a mental slapfor such faint-heartedness, I streamed away across the Common, wondering if I ought to say "your Honor, " or simply "Sir, " and decidedupon the latter, fortifying myself with recollections of an evening ina charming green library, where I beheld the Governor placidlyconsuming oysters, and laughing as if Massachusetts was a myth, and hehad no heavier burden on his shoulders than his host's handsome hands. 

Like an energetic fly in a very large cobweb, I struggled through theState House, getting into all the wrong rooms and none of the right, till I turned desperate, and went into one, resolving not to come outtill I'd made somebody hear and answer me. I suspect that of all thewrong places I had blundered into, this was the most so. But I didn'tcare; and, though the apartment was full of soldiers, surgeons, starers, and spittoons, I cornered a perfectly incapable person, andproceeded to pump for information with the following result:

"Was the Governor anywhere about?"

No, he wasn't. 

"Could he tell me where to look?"

No, he couldn't. 

"Did he know anything about free passes?"

No, he didn't. 

"Was there any one there of whom I could inquire?"

Not a person. 

"Did he know of any place where information could be obtained?"

Not a place. 

"Could he throw the smallest gleam of light upon the matter, in anyway?"

Not a ray. 

I am naturally irascible, and if I could have shaken this negativegentleman vigorously, the relief would have been immense. Theprejudices of society forbidding this mode of redress, I merelyglowered at him; and, before my wrath found vent in words, my Generalappeared, having seen me from an opposite window, and come to know whatI was about. At her command the languid gentleman woke up, and troubledhimself to remember that Major or Sergeant or something Mc K. Knew allabout the tickets, and his office was in Milk Street. I perked upinstanter, and then, as if the exertion was too much for him, what didthis animated wet blanket do but add--

"I think Mc K. May have left Milk Street, now, and I don't know wherehe has gone. "

"Never mind; the new comers will know where he has moved to, my dear, so don't be discouraged; and if you don't succeed, come to me, and wewill see what to do next, " said my General. 

I blessed her in a fervent manner and a cool hall, fluttered round thecorner, and bore down upon Milk Street, bent on discovering Mc K. Ifsuch a being was to be found. He wasn't, and the ignorance of theneighborhood was really pitiable. Nobody knew anything, and aftertumbling over bundles of leather, bumping against big boxes, beingnearly annihilated by descending bales, and sworn at by aggravatedtruckmen, I finally elicited the advice to look for Mc K. In HaymarketSquare. Who my informant was I've really forgotten; for, having hailedseveral busy gentlemen, some one of them fabricated this delusivequietus for the perturbed spirit, who instantly departed to thesequestered locality he named. If I had been in search of theKoh-i-noor diamond I should have been as likely to find it there as anyvestige of Mc K. I stared at signs, inquired in shops, invaded aneating house, visited the recruiting tent in the middle of the Square, made myself a nuisance generally, and accumulated mud enough to retardanother Nile. All in vain: and I mournfully turned my face toward theGeneral's, feeling that I should be forced to enrich the railroadcompany after all; when, suddenly, I beheld that admirable young man, brother-in-law Darby Coobiddy, Esq. I arrested him with a burst ofnews, and wants, and woes, which caused his manly countenance to loseits usual repose. 

"Oh, my dear boy, I'm going to Washington at five, and I can't find thefree ticket man, and there won't be time to see Joan, and I'm so tiredand cross I don't know what to do; and will you help me, like a cherubas you are?"

"Oh, yes, of course. I know a fellow who will set us right, " respondedDarby, mildly excited, and darting into some kind of an office, heldcounsel with an invisible angel, who sent him out radiant. "All serene. I've got him. I'll see you through the business, and then get Joan fromthe Dove Cote in time to see you off. "

I'm a woman's rights woman, and if any man had offered help in themorning, I should have condescendingly refused it, sure that I could doeverything as well, if not better, myself. My strong-mindedness hadrather abated since then, and I was now quite ready to be a "timidtrembler, " if necessary. 

Dear me! how easily Darby did it all: he just asked one question, received an answer, tucked me under his arm, and in ten minutes I stoodin the presence of Mc K. , the Desired. 

"Now my troubles are over, " thought I, and as usual was direfullymistaken. 

"You will have to get a pass from Dr. H. , in Temple Place, before I cangive you a pass, madam, " answered Mc K. , as blandly as if he wasn'tcarrying desolation to my soul. Oh, indeed! why didn't he send me toDorchester Heights, India Wharf, or Bunker Hill Monument, and done withit? Here I was, after a morning's tramp, down in some place about DockSquare, and was told to step to Temple Place. Nor was that all; hemight as well have asked me to catch a hummingbird, toast a salamander, or call on the man in the moon, as find a Doctor at home at the busiesthour of the day. It was a blow; but weariness had extinguishedenthusiasm, and resignation clothed me as a garment. I sent Darby forJoan, and doggedly paddled off, feeling that mud was my native element, and quite sure that the evening papers would announce the appearance ofthe Wandering Jew, in feminine habiliments. 

"Is Dr. H. In?"

"No, mum, he aint. "

Of course he wasn't; I knew that before I asked: and, considering itall in the light of a hollow mockery, added:

"When will he probably return?"

If the damsel had said, "ten to-night, " I should have felt a grimsatisfaction, in the fulfillment of my own dark prophecy; but she said, "At two, mum;" and I felt it a personal insult. 

"I'll call, then. Tell him my business is important:" with whichmysteriously delivered message I departed, hoping that I left herconsumed with curiosity; for mud rendered me an object of interest. 

By way of resting myself, I crossed the Common, for the third time, bespoke the carriage, got some lunch, packed my purchases, smoothed myplumage, and was back again, as the clock struck two. The Doctor hadn'tcome yet; and I was morally certain that he would not, till, havingwaited till the last minute, I was driven to buy a ticket, and, fiveminutes after the irrevocable deed was done, he would be at my service, with all manner of helpful documents and directions. Everything goes bycontraries with me; so, having made up my mind to be disappointed, ofcourse I wasn't; for, presently, in walked Dr. H. , and no sooner had heheard my errand, and glanced at my credentials, than he said, with themost engaging readiness:

"I will give you the order, with pleasure, madam. "

Words cannot express how soothing and delightful it was to find, atlast, somebody who could do what I wanted, without sending me from Danto Beersheba, for a dozen other to do something else first. Peacedescended, like oil, upon the ruffled waters of my being, as I satlistening to the busy scratch of his pen; and, when he turned about, giving me not only the order, but a paper of directions wherewith tosmooth away all difficulties between Boston and Washington, I felt asdid poor Christian when the Evangelist gave him the scroll, on the safeside of the Slough of Despond. I've no doubt many dismal nurses haveinflicted themselves upon the worthy gentleman since then; but I amsure none have been more kindly helped, or are more grateful, than T. P. ; for that short interview added another to the many pleasantassociations that already surround his name. 

Feeling myself no longer a "Martha Struggles, " but a comfortable youngwoman, with plain sailing before her, and the worst of the voyage wellover, I once more presented myself to the valuable Mc K. The order wasread, and certain printed papers, necessary to be filled out, weregiven a young gentleman--no, I prefer to say Boy, with a scornfulemphasis upon the word, as the only means of revenge now left me. ThisBoy, instead of doing his duty with the diligence so charming in theyoung, loitered and lounged, in a manner which proved his education tohave been sadly neglected in the--

 "How doth the little busy bee, "

direction. He stared at me, gaped out of the window, ate peanuts, andgossiped with his neighbors--Boys, like himself, and all penned in arow, like colts at a Cattle Show. I don't imagine he knew the anguishhe was inflicting; for it was nearly three, the train left at five, andI had my ticket to get, my dinner to eat, my blessed sister to see, andthe depot to reach, if I didn't die of apoplexy. Meanwhile, Patiencecertainly had her perfect work that day, and I hope she enjoyed the jobmore than I did. 

Having waited some twenty minutes, it pleased this reprehensible Boy tomake various marks and blots on my documents, toss them to a venerablecreature of sixteen, who delivered them to me with such paternaldirections, that it only needed a pat on the head and anencouraging--"Now run home to your Ma, little girl, and mind thecrossings, my dear, " to make the illusion quite perfect. 

Why I was sent to a steamboat office for car tickets, is not for me tosay, though I went as meekly as I should have gone to the ProbateCourt, if sent. A fat, easy gentleman gave me several bits of paper, with coupons attached, with a warning not to separate them, whichinstantly inspired me with a yearning to pluck them apart, and see whatcame of it. But, remembering through what fear and tribulation I hadobtained them, I curbed Satan's promptings, and, clutching my prize, asif it were my pass to the Elysian Fields, I hurried home. Dinner wasrapidly consumed; Joan enlightened, comforted, and kissed; the dearestof apple-faced cousins hugged; the kindest of apple-faced cousins'fathers subjected to the same process; and I mounted the ambulance, baggage-wagon, or anything you please but hack, and drove away, tootired to feel excited, sorry, or glad. 

CHAPTER II

A FORWARD MOVEMENT. 

As travellers like to give their own impressions of a journey, thoughevery inch of the way may have been described a half a dozen timesbefore, I add some of the notes made by the way, hoping that they willamuse the reader, and convince the skeptical that such a being as NursePeriwinkle does exist, that she really did go to Washington, and thatthese Sketches are not romance. 

New York Train--Seven P. M. --Spinning along to take the boat at NewLondon. Very comfortable; much gingerbread, and Mrs. C. 's fine pear, which deserves honorable mention, because my first loneliness wascomforted by it, and pleasant recollections of both kindly sender andbearer. Look much at Dr. H. 's paper of directions--put my tickets inevery conceivable place, that they may be get-at-able, and finish bylosing them entirely. Suffer agonies till a compassionate neighborpokes them out of a crack with his pen-knife. Put them in the inmostcorner of my purse, that in the deepest recesses of my pocket, pile acollection of miscellaneous articles atop, and pin up the whole. Justget composed, feeling that I've done my best to keep them safely, whenthe Conductor appears, and I'm forced to rout them all out again, exposing my precautions, and getting into a flutter at keeping the manwaiting. Finally, fasten them on the seat before me, and keep one eyesteadily upon the yellow torments, till I forget all about them, inchat with the gentleman who shares my seat. Having heard complaints ofthe absurd way in which American women become images of petrifiedpropriety, if addressed by strangers, when traveling alone, the inbornperversity of my nature causes me to assume an entirely opposite styleof deportment; and, finding my companion hails from Little Athens, isacquainted with several of my three hundred and sixty-five cousins, andin every way a respectable and respectful member of society, I put mybashfulness in my pocket, and plunge into a long conversation on thewar, the weather, music, Carlyle, skating, genius, hoops, and theimmortality of the soul. 

Ten P. M. --Very sleepy. Nothing to be seen outside, but darkness madevisible; nothing inside but every variety of bunch into which the humanform can be twisted, rolled, or "massed, " as Miss Prescott says of herjewels. Every man's legs sprawl drowsily, every woman's head (butmine, ) nods, till it finally settles on somebody's shoulder, a newproof of the truth of the everlasting oak and vine simile; childrenfret; lovers whisper; old folks snore, and somebody privately imbibesbrandy, when the lamps go out. The penetrating perfume rouses themultitude, causing some to start up, like war horses at the smell ofpowder. When the lamps are relighted, every one laughs, sniffs, andlooks inquiringly at his neighbor--every one but a stout gentleman, who, with well-gloved hands folded upon his broad-cloth rotundity, sleeps on impressively. Had he been innocent, he would have waked up;for, to slumber in that babe-like manner, with a car full of giggling, staring, sniffing humanity, was simply preposterous. Public suspicionwas down upon him at once. I doubt if the appearance of a flat blackbottle with a label would have settled the matter more effectually thandid the over dignified and profound repose of this short-sighted being. His moral neck-cloth, virtuous boots, and pious attitude availed himnothing, and it was well he kept his eyes shut, for "Humbug!" twinkledat him from every window-pane, brass nail and human eye around him. 

Eleven P. M. --In the boat "City of Boston, " escorted thither by my caracquaintance, and deposited in the cabin. Trying to look as if thegreater portion of my life had been passed on board boats, butpainfully conscious that I don't know the first thing; so sit boltupright, and stare about me till I hear one lady say to another--"Wemust secure our berths at once;" whereupon I dart at one, and, whileleisurely taking off my cloak, wait to discover what the second movemay be. Several ladies draw the curtains that hang in a semi-circlebefore each nest--instantly I whisk mine smartly together, and thenpeep out to see what next. Gradually, on hooks above the blue andyellow drapery, appear the coats and bonnets of my neighbors, whiletheir boots and shoes, in every imaginable attitude, assert themselvesbelow, as if their owners had committed suicide in a body. A violentcreaking, scrambling, and fussing, causes the fact that people aregoing regularly to bed to dawn upon my mind. Of course they are; and soam I--but pause at the seventh pin, remembering that, as I was born tobe drowned, an eligible opportunity now presents itself; and, havingtwice escaped a watery grave, the third immersion will certainlyextinguish my vital spark. The boat is new, but if it ever intends toblow up, spring a leak, catch afire, or be run into, it will do thedeed to-night, because I'm here to fulfill my destiny. With tragiccalmness I resign myself, replace my pins, lash my purse and paperstogether, with my handkerchief, examine the saving circumference of myhoop, and look about me for any means of deliverance when the moistmoment shall arrive; for I've no intention of folding my hands andbubbling to death without an energetic splashing first. Barrels, hen-coops, portable settees, and life-preservers do not adorn thecabin, as they should; and, roving wildly to and fro, my eye sees noray of hope till it falls upon a plump old lady, devoutly reading inthe cabin Bible, and a voluminous night-cap. I remember that, at theswimming school, fat girls always floated best, and in an instant myplan is laid. At the first alarm I firmly attach myself to the plumplady, and cling to her through fire and water; for I feel that my oldenemy, the cramp, will seize me by the foot, if I attempt to swim; and, though I can hardly expect to reach Jersey City with myself and mybaggage in as good condition as I hoped, I might manage to get pickedup by holding to my fat friend; if not it will be a comfort to feelthat I've made an effort and shall die in good society. Poor dearwoman! how little she dreamed, as she read and rocked, with her cap ina high state of starch, and her feet comfortably cooking at theregister, what fell designs were hovering about her, and how intently asmall but determined eye watched her, till it suddenly closed. 

Sleep got the better of fear to such an extent that my boots appearedto gape, and my bonnet nodded on its peg, before I gave in. Havingpiled my cloak, bag, rubbers, books and umbrella on the lower shelf, Idrowsily swarmed onto the upper one, tumbling down a few times, andexcoriating the knobby portions of my frame in the act. A very briefnap on the upper roost was enough to set me gasping as if a dozenfeather beds and the whole boat were laid over me. Out I turned; andafter a series of convulsions, which caused my neighbor to ask if Iwanted the stewardess, I managed to get my luggage up and myself down. But even in the lower berth, my rest was not unbroken, for variousarticles kept dropping off the little shelf at the bottom of the bed, and every time I flew up, thinking my hour had come, I bumped my headseverely against the little shelf at the top, evidently put there forthat express purpose. At last, after listening to the swash of thewaves outside, wondering if the machinery usually creaked in that way, and watching a knot-hole in the side of my berth, sure that death wouldcreep in there as soon as I took my eye from it, I dropped asleep, anddreamed of muffins. 

Five A. M. --On deck, trying to wake up and enjoy an east wind and amorning fog, and a twilight sort of view of something on the shore. Rapidly achieve my purpose, and do enjoy every moment, as we go rushingthrough the Sound, with steamboats passing up and down, lights dancingon the shore, mist wreaths slowly furling off, and a pale pink skyabove us, as the sun comes up. 

Seven A. M. --In the cars, at Jersey City. Much fuss with tickets, whichone man scribbles over, another snips, and a third "makes note on. "Partake of refreshment, in the gloom of a very large and dirty depot. Think that my sandwiches would be more relishing without so strong aflavor of napkin, and my gingerbread more easy of consumption if it hadnot been pulverized by being sat upon. People act as if early travelingdidn't agree with them. Children scream and scamper; men smoke andgrowl; women shiver and fret; porters swear; great truck horses pace upand down with loads of baggage; and every one seems to get into thewrong car, and come tumbling out again. One man, with three children, adog, a bird-cage, and several bundles, puts himself and his possessionsinto every possible place where a man, three children, dog, bird-cageand bundles could be got, and is satisfied with none of them. I followtheir movements, with an interest that is really exhausting, and, asthey vanish, hope for rest, but don't get it. A strong-minded woman, with a tumbler in her hand, and no cloak or shawl on, comes rushingthrough the car, talking loudly to a small porter, who lugs a foldingbed after her, and looks as if life were a burden to him. 

"You promised to have it ready. It is not ready. It must be a car witha water jar, the windows must be shut, the fire must be kept up, theblinds must be down. No, this won't do. I shall go through the wholetrain, and suit myself, for you promised to have it ready. It is notready, " &c. , all through again, like a hand-organ. She haunted thecars, the depot, the office and baggage-room, with her bed, hertumbler, and her tongue, till the train started; and a sense of ferventgratitude filled my soul, when I found that she and her unknown invalidwere not to share our car. 

Philadelphia. --An old place, full of Dutch women, in "bellus top"bonnets, selling vegetables, in long, open markets. Every one seems tobe scrubbing their white steps. All the houses look like tidy jails, with their outside shutters. Several have crape on the door-handles, and many have flags flying from roof or balcony. Few men appear, andthe women seem to do the business, which, perhaps, accounts for itsbeing so well done. Pass fine buildings, but don't know what they are. Would like to stop and see my native city; for, having left it at thetender age of two, my recollections are not vivid. 

Baltimore. --A big, dirty, shippy, shiftless place, full of goats, geese, colored people, and coal, at least the part of it I see. Passnear the spot where the riot took place, and feel as if I should enjoythrowing a stone at somebody, hard. Find a guard at the ferry, thedepot, and here and there, along the road. A camp whitens onehill-side, and a cavalry training school, or whatever it should becalled, is a very interesting sight, with quantities of horses andriders galloping, marching, leaping, and skirmishing, over all mannerof break-neck places. A party of English people get in--the men, withsandy hair and red whiskers, all trimmed alike, to a hair; rough greycoats, very rosy, clean faces, and a fine, full way of speaking, whichis particularly agreeable, after our slip-shod American gabble. The twoladies wear funny velvet fur-trimmed hoods; are done up, like compactbundles, in tar tan shawls; and look as if bent on seeing everythingthoroughly. The devotion of one elderly John Bull to his red-nosedspouse was really beautiful to behold. She was plain and cross, andfussy and stupid, but J. B. , Esq. , read no papers when she was awake, turned no cold shoulder when she wished to sleep, and cheerfully said, "Yes, me dear, " to every wish or want the wife of his bosom expressed. I quite warmed to the excellent man, and asked a question or two, asthe only means of expressing my good will. He answered very civilly, but evidently hadn't been used to being addressed by strange women inpublic conveyances; and Mrs. B. Fixed her green eyes upon me, as if shethought me a forward hussy, or whatever is good English for a presumingyoung woman. The pair left their friends before we reached Washington;and the last I saw of them was a vision of a large plaid lady, stalkinggrimly away, on the arm of a rosy, stout gentleman, loaded with rugs, bags, and books, but still devoted, still smiling, and waving a hearty"Fare ye well! We'll meet ye at Willard's on Chusday. "

Soon after their departure we had an accident; for no long journey inAmerica would be complete without one. A coupling iron broke; and, after leaving the last car behind us, we waited for it to come up, which it did, with a crash that knocked every one forward on theirfaces, and caused several old ladies to screech dismally. Hats flewoff, bonnets were flattened, the stove skipped, the lamps fell down, the water jar turned a somersault, and the wheel just over which I satreceived some damage. Of course, it became necessary for all the men toget out, and stand about in everybody's way, while repairs were made;and for the women to wrestle their heads out of the windows, askingninety-nine foolish questions to one sensible one. A few wise femalesseized this favorable moment to better their seats, well knowing thatfew men can face the wooden stare with which they regard the formerpossessors of the places they have invaded. 

The country through which we passed did not seem so very unlike thatwhich I had left, except that it was more level and less wintry. Insummer time the wide fields would have shown me new sights, and theway-side hedges blossomed with new flowers; now, everything was sereand sodden, and a general air of shiftlessness prevailed, which wouldhave caused a New England farmer much disgust, and a strong desire to"buckle to, " and "right up" things. Dreary little houses, with chimneysbuilt outside, with clay and rough sticks piled crosswise, as we usedto build cob towers, stood in barren looking fields, with cow, pig, ormule lounging about the door. We often passed colored people, lookingas if they had come out of a picture book, or off the stage, but not atall the sort of people I'd been accustomed to see at the North. 

Wayside encampments made the fields and lanes gay with blue coats andthe glitter of buttons. Military washes flapped and fluttered on thefences; pots were steaming in the open air; all sorts of tableaux seenthrough the openings of tents, and everywhere the boys threw up theircaps and cut capers as we passed. 

Washington. --It was dark when we arrived; and, but for the presence ofanother friendly gentleman, I should have yielded myself a helplessprey to the first overpowering hackman, who insisted that I wanted togo just where I didn't. Putting me into the conveyance I belonged in, my escort added to the obligation by pointing out the objects ofinterest which we passed in our long drive. Though I'd often been toldthat Washington was a spacious place, its visible magnitude quite tookmy breath away, and of course I quoted Randolph's expression, "a cityof magnificent distances, " as I suppose every one does when they seeit. The Capitol was so like the pictures that hang opposite the staringFather of his Country, in boarding-houses and hotels, that it did notimpress me, except to recall the time when I was sure that Cinderellawent to housekeeping in just such a place, after she had married theinflammable Prince; though, even at that early period, I had my doubtsas to the wisdom of a match whose foundation was of glass. 

The White House was lighted up, and carriages were rolling in and outof the great gate. I stared hard at the famous East Room, and wouldhave liked a peep through the crack of the door. My old gentleman wasindefatigable in his attentions, and I said, "Splendid!" to everythinghe pointed out, though I suspect I often admired the wrong place, andmissed the right. Pennsylvania Avenue, with its bustle, lights, music, and military, made me feel as if I'd crossed the water and landedsomewhere in Carnival time. Coming to less noticeable parts of thecity, my companion fell silent, and I meditated upon the perfectionwhich Art had attained in America--having just passed a bronze statueof some hero, who looked like a black Methodist minister, in a cockedhat, above the waist, and a tipsy squire below; while his horse stoodlike an opera dancer, on one leg, in a high, but somewhat remarkablewind, which blew his mane one way and his massive tail the other. 

"Hurly-burly House, ma'am!" called a voice, startling me from myreverie, as we stopped before a great pile of buildings, with a flagflying before it, sentinels at the door, and a very trying quantity ofmen lounging about. My heart beat rather faster than usual, and itsuddenly struck me that I was very far from home; but I descended withdignity, wondering whether I should be stopped for want of acountersign, and forced to pass the night in the street. Marchingboldly up the steps, I found that no form was necessary, for the menfell back, the guard touched their caps, a boy opened the door, and, asit closed behind me, I felt that I was fairly started, and NursePeriwinkle's Mission was begun. 

CHAPTER III

A DAY. 

"They've come! they've come! hurry up, ladies--you're wanted. "

"Who have come? the rebels?"

This sudden summons in the gray dawn was somewhat startling to a threedays' nurse like myself, and, as the thundering knock came at our door, I sprang up in my bed, prepared

 "To gird my woman's form, And on the ramparts die, "

if necessary; but my room-mate took it more coolly, and, as she began arapid toilet, answered my bewildered question, --

"Bless you, no child; it's the wounded from Fredericksburg; fortyambulances are at the door, and we shall have our hands full in fifteenminutes. "

"What shall we have to do?"

"Wash, dress, feed, warm and nurse them for the next three months, Idare say. Eighty beds are ready, and we were getting impatient for themen to come. Now you will begin to see hospital life in earnest, foryou won't probably find time to sit down all day, and may thinkyourself fortunate if you get to bed by midnight. Come to me in theball-room when you are ready; the worst cases are always carried there, and I shall need your help. "

So saying, the energetic little woman twirled her hair into a button atthe back of her head, in a "cleared for action" sort of style, andvanished, wrestling her way into a feminine kind of pea-jacket as shewent. 

I am free to confess that I had a realizing sense of the fact that myhospital bed was not a bed of roses just then, or the prospect beforeme one of unmingled rapture. My three days' experiences had begun witha death, and, owing to the defalcation of another nurse, a somewhatabrupt plunge into the superintendence of a ward containing forty beds, where I spent my shining hours washing faces, serving rations, givingmedicine, and sitting in a very hard chair, with pneumonia on one side, diphtheria on the other, five typhoids on the opposite, and a dozendilapidated patriots, hopping, lying, and lounging about, all staringmore or less at the new "nuss, " who suffered untold agonies, butconcealed them under as matronly an aspect as a spinster could assume, and blundered through her trying labors with a Spartan firmness, whichI hope they appreciated, but am afraid they didn't. Having a taste for"ghastliness, " I had rather longed for the wounded to arrive, forrheumatism wasn't heroic, neither was liver complaint, or measles; evenfever had lost its charms since "bathing burning brows" had been usedup in romances, real and ideal; but when I peeped into the dusky streetlined with what I at first had innocently called market carts, nowunloading their sad freight at our door, I recalled sundryreminiscences I had heard from nurses of longer standing, my ardorexperienced a sudden chill, and I indulged in a most unpatriotic wishthat I was safe at home again, with a quiet day before me, and nonecessity for being hustled up, as if I were a hen and had only to hopoff my roost, give my plumage a peck, and be ready for action. A secondbang at the door sent this recreant desire to the right about, as alittle woolly head popped in, and Joey, (a six years' old contraband, )announced--

"Miss Blank is jes' wild fer ye, and says fly round right away. They'scomin' in, I tell yer, heaps on 'em--one was took out dead, and I seehim, --hi! warn't he a goner!"

With which cheerful intelligence the imp scuttled away, singing like ablackbird, and I followed, feeling that Richard was not himself again, and wouldn't be for a long time to come. 

The first thing I met was a regiment of the vilest odors that everassaulted the human nose, and took it by storm. Cologne, with its sevenand seventy evil savors, was a posy-bed to it; and the worst of thisaffliction was, every one had assured me that it was a chronic weaknessof all hospitals, and I must bear it. I did, armed with lavender water, with which I so besprinkled myself and premises, that, like my friendSairy, I was soon known among my patients as "the nurse with thebottle. " Having been run over by three excited surgeons, bumped againstby migratory coal-hods, water-pails, and small boys, nearly scalded byan avalanche of newly-filled tea-pots, and hopelessly entangled in aknot of colored sisters coming to wash, I progressed by slow stages upstairs and down, till the main hall was reached, and I paused to takebreath and a survey. There they were! "our brave boys, " as the papersjustly call them, for cowards could hardly have been so riddled withshot and shell, so torn and shattered, nor have borne suffering forwhich we have no name, with an uncomplaining fortitude, which made oneglad to cherish each as a brother. In they came, some on stretchers, some in men's arms, some feebly staggering along propped on rudecrutches, and one lay stark and still with covered face, as a comradegave his name to be recorded before they carried him away to the deadhouse. All was hurry and confusion; the hall was full of these wrecksof humanity, for the most exhausted could not reach a bed till dulyticketed and registered; the walls were lined with rows of such ascould sit, the floor covered with the more disabled, the steps anddoorways filled with helpers and lookers on; the sound of many feet andvoices made that usually quiet hour as noisy as noon; and, in the midstof it all, the matron's motherly face brought more comfort to many apoor soul, than the cordial draughts she administered, or the cheerywords that welcomed all, making of the hospital a home. 

The sight of several stretchers, each with its legless, armless, ordesperately wounded occupant, entering my ward, admonished me that Iwas there to work, not to wonder or weep; so I corked up my feelings, and returned to the path of duty, which was rather "a hard road totravel" just then. The house had been a hotel before hospitals wereneeded, and many of the doors still bore their old names; some not soinappropriate as might be imagined, for my ward was in truth aball-room, if gun-shot wounds could christen it. Forty beds wereprepared, many already tenanted by tired men who fell down anywhere, and drowsed till the smell of food roused them. Round the great stovewas gathered the dreariest group I ever saw--ragged, gaunt and pale, mud to the knees, with bloody bandages untouched since put on daysbefore; many bundled up in blankets, coats being lost or useless; andall wearing that disheartened look which proclaimed defeat, moreplainly than any telegram of the Burnside blunder. I pitied them somuch, I dared not speak to them, though, remembering all they had beenthrough since the rout at Fredericksburg, I yearned to serve thedreariest of them all. Presently, Miss Blank tore me from my refugebehind piles of one-sleeved shirts, odd socks, bandages and lint; putbasin, sponge, towels, and a block of brown soap into my hands, withthese appalling directions:

"Come, my dear, begin to wash as fast as you can. Tell them to take offsocks, coats and shirts, scrub them well, put on clean shirts, and theattendants will finish them off, and lay them in bed. "

If she had requested me to shave them all, or dance a hornpipe on thestove funnel, I should have been less staggered; but to scrub somedozen lords of creation at a moment's notice, was really--really--. However, there was no time for nonsense, and, having resolved when Icame to do everything I was bid, I drowned my scruples in my wash-bowl, clutched my soap manfully, and, assuming a business-like air, made adab at the first dirty specimen I saw, bent on performing my task vi etarmis if necessary. I chanced to light on a withered old Irishman, wounded in the head, which caused that portion of his frame to betastefully laid out like a garden, the bandages being the walks, hishair the shrubbery. He was so overpowered by the honor of having a ladywash him, as he expressed it, that he did nothing but roll up his eyes, and bless me, in an irresistible style which was too much for my senseof the ludicrous; so we laughed together, and when I knelt down to takeoff his shoes, he "flopped" also, and wouldn't hear of my touching"them dirty craters. May your bed above be aisy darlin', for the day'swork ye ar doon!--Whoosh! there ye are, and bedad, it's hard tellin'which is the dirtiest, the fut or the shoe. " It was; and if he hadn'tbeen to the fore, I should have gone on pulling, under the impressionthat the "fut" was a boot, for trousers, socks, shoes and legs were amass of mud. This comical tableau produced a general grin, at whichpropitious beginning I took heart and scrubbed away like any tidyparent on a Saturday night. Some of them took the performance likesleepy children, leaning their tired heads against me as I worked, others looked grimly scandalized, and several of the roughest coloredlike bashful girls. One wore a soiled little bag about his neck, and, as I moved it, to bathe his wounded breast, I said, "Your talisman didn't save you, did it?"

"Well, I reckon it did, marm, for that shot would a gone a couple ainches deeper but for my old mammy's camphor bag, " answered thecheerful philosopher. 

Another, with a gun-shot wound through the cheek, asked for alooking-glass, and when I brought one, regarded his swollen face with adolorous expression, as he muttered--

"I vow to gosh, that's too bad! I warn't a bad looking chap before, andnow I'm done for; won't there be a thunderin' scar? and what on earthwill Josephine Skinner say?"

He looked up at me with his one eye so appealingly, that I controlledmy risibles, and assured him that if Josephine was a girl of sense, shewould admire the honorable scar, as a lasting proof that he had facedthe enemy, for all women thought a wound the best decoration a bravesoldier could wear. I hope Miss Skinner verified the good opinion I sorashly expressed of her, but I shall never know. 

The next scrubbee was a nice looking lad, with a curly brown mane, anda budding trace of gingerbread over the lip, which he called his beard, and defended stoutly, when the barber jocosely suggested itsimmolation. He lay on a bed, with one leg gone, and the right arm soshattered that it must evidently follow: yet the little Sergeant was asmerry as if his afflictions were not worth lamenting over; and when adrop or two of salt water mingled with my suds at the sight of thisstrong young body, so marred and maimed, the boy looked up, with abrave smile, though there was a little quiver of the lips, as he said, "Now don't you fret yourself about me, miss; I'm first rate here, forit's nuts to lie still on this bed, after knocking about in thoseconfounded ambulances, that shake what there is left of a fellow tojelly. I never was in one of these places before, and think thiscleaning up a jolly thing for us, though I'm afraid it isn't for youladies. "

"Is this your first battle, Sergeant?"

"No, miss; I've been in six scrimmages, and never got a scratch tillthis last one; but it's done the business pretty thoroughly for me, Ishould say. Lord! what a scramble there'll be for arms and legs, whenwe old boys come out of our graves, on the Judgment Day: wonder if weshall get our own again? If we do, my leg will have to tramp fromFredericksburg, my arm from here, I suppose, and meet my body, whereverit may be. "

The fancy seemed to tickle him mightily, for he laughed blithely, andso did I; which, no doubt, caused the new nurse to be regarded as alight-minded sinner by the Chaplain, who roamed vaguely about, informing the men that they were all worms, corrupt of heart, withperishable bodies, and souls only to be saved by a diligent perusal ofcertain tracts, and other equally cheering bits of spiritualconsolation, when spirituous ditto would have been preferred. 

"I say, Mrs. !" called a voice behind me; and, turning, I saw a roughMichigander, with an arm blown off at the shoulder, and two or threebullets still in him--as he afterwards mentioned, as carelessly as ifgentlemen were in the habit of carrying such trifles about with them. Iwent to him, and, while administering a dose of soap and water, hewhispered, irefully:

"That red-headed devil, over yonder, is a reb, damn him! You'll agreeto that, I'll bet? He's got shet of a foot, or he'd a cut like the restof the lot. Don't you wash him, nor feed him, but jest let him hollertill he's tired. It's a blasted shame to fetch them fellers in here, along side of us; and so I'll tell the chap that bosses this concern;cuss me if I don't. "

I regret to say that I did not deliver a moral sermon upon the duty offorgiving our enemies, and the sin of profanity, then and there; but, being a red-hot Abolitionist, stared fixedly at the tall rebel, who wasa copperhead, in every sense of the word, and privately resolved to putsoap in his eyes, rub his nose the wrong way, and excoriate his cuticlegenerally, if I had the washing of him. 

My amiable intentions, however, were frustrated; for, when Iapproached, with as Christian an expression as my principles wouldallow, and asked the question--"Shall I try to make you morecomfortable, sir?" all I got for my pains was a gruff--

"No; I'll do it myself. "

"Here's your Southern chivalry, with a witness, " thought I, dumping thebasin down before him, thereby quenching a strong desire to give him asummary baptism, in return for his ungraciousness; for my angrypassions rose, at this rebuff, in a way that would have scandalizedgood Dr. Watts. He was a disappointment in all respects, (the rebel, not the blessed Doctor, ) for he was neither fiendish, romantic, pathetic, or anything interesting; but a long, fat man, with a headlike a burning bush, and a perfectly expressionless face: so I coulddislike him without the slightest drawback, and ignored his existencefrom that day forth. One redeeming trait he certainly did possess, asthe floor speedily testified; for his ablutions were so vigorouslyperformed, that his bed soon stood like an isolated island, in a sea ofsoap-suds, and he resembled a dripping merman, suffering from the lossof a fin. If cleanliness is a near neighbor to godliness, then was thebig rebel the godliest man in my ward that day. 

Having done up our human wash, and laid it out to dry, the secondsyllable of our version of the word war-fare was enacted with muchsuccess. Great trays of bread, meat, soup and coffee appeared; and bothnurses and attendants turned waiters, serving bountiful rations to allwho could eat. I can call my pinafore to testify to my good will in thework, for in ten minutes it was reduced to a perambulating bill offare, presenting samples of all the refreshments going or gone. It wasa lively scene; the long room lined with rows of beds, each filled byan occupant, whom water, shears, and clean raiment, had transformedfrom a dismal ragamuffin into a recumbent hero, with a cropped head. Toand fro rushed matrons, maids, and convalescent "boys, " skirmishingwith knives and forks; retreating with empty plates; marching andcounter-marching, with unvaried success, while the clash of busy spoonsmade most inspiring music for the charge of our Light Brigade:

 "Beds to the front of them, Beds to the right of them, Beds to the left of them, Nobody blundered. Beamed at by hungry souls, Screamed at with brimming bowls, Steamed at by army rolls, Buttered and sundered. With coffee not cannon plied, Each must be satisfied, Whether they lived or died; All the men wondered. "

Very welcome seemed the generous meal, after a week of suffering, exposure, and short commons; soon the brown faces began to smile, asfood, warmth, and rest, did their pleasant work; and the grateful"Thankee's" were followed by more graphic accounts of the battle andretreat, than any paid reporter could have given us. Curious contrastsof the tragic and comic met one everywhere; and some touching as wellas ludicrous episodes, might have been recorded that day. A six footNew Hampshire man, with a leg broken and perforated by a piece ofshell, so large that, had I not seen the wound, I should have regardedthe story as a Munchausenism, beckoned me to come and help him, as hecould not sit up, and both his bed and beard were getting plentifullyanointed with soup. As I fed my big nestling with correspondingmouthfuls, I asked him how he felt during the battle. 

"Well, 'twas my fust, you see, so I aint ashamed to say I was a trifleflustered in the beginnin', there was such an allfired racket; for efthere's anything I do spleen agin, it's noise. But when my mate, EphSylvester, caved, with a bullet through his head, I got mad, andpitched in, licketty cut. Our part of the fight didn't last long; so alot of us larked round Fredericksburg, and give some of them houses apretty consid'able of a rummage, till we was ordered out of the mess. Some of our fellows cut like time; but I warn't a-goin' to run fornobody; and, fust thing I knew, a shell bust, right in front of us, andI keeled over, feelin' as if I was blowed higher'n a kite. I sung out, and the boys come back for me, double quick; but the way they chuckedme over them fences was a caution, I tell you. Next day I was most asblack as that darkey yonder, lickin' plates on the sly. This is bullycoffee, ain't it? Give us another pull at it, and I'll be obleeged toyou. "

I did; and, as the last gulp subsided, he said, with a rub of his oldhandkerchief over eyes as well as mouth:

"Look a here; I've got a pair a earbobs and a handkercher pin I'm agoin' to give you, if you'll have them; for you're the very moral o'Lizy Sylvester, poor Eph's wife: that's why I signalled you to comeover here. They aint much, I guess, but they'll do to memorize the rebsby. "

Burrowing under his pillow, he produced a little bundle of what hecalled "truck, " and gallantly presented me with a pair of earrings, each representing a cluster of corpulent grapes, and the pin a basketof astonishing fruit, the whole large and coppery enough for a smallwarming-pan. Feeling delicate about depriving him of such valuablerelics, I accepted the earrings alone, and was obliged to depart, somewhat abruptly, when my friend stuck the warming-pan in the bosom ofhis night-gown, viewing it with much complacency, and, perhaps, sometender memory, in that rough heart of his, for the comrade he had lost. 

Observing that the man next him had left his meal untouched, I offeredthe same service I had performed for his neighbor, but he shook hishead. 

"Thank you, ma'am; I don't think I'll ever eat again, for I'm shot inthe stomach. But I'd like a drink of water, if you aint too busy. "

I rushed away, but the water-pails were gone to be refilled, and it wassome time before they reappeared. I did not forget my patient patient, meanwhile, and, with the first mugful, hurried back to him. He seemedasleep; but something in the tired white face caused me to listen athis lips for a breath. None came. I touched his forehead; it was cold:and then I knew that, while he waited, a better nurse than I had givenhim a cooler draught, and healed him with a touch. I laid the sheetover the quiet sleeper, whom no noise could now disturb; and, half anhour later, the bed was empty. It seemed a poor requital for all he hadsacrificed and suffered, --that hospital bed, lonely even in a crowd;for there was no familiar face for him to look his last upon; nofriendly voice to say, Good bye; no hand to lead him gently down intothe Valley of the Shadow; and he vanished, like a drop in that red seaupon whose shores so many women stand lamenting. For a moment I feltbitterly indignant at this seeming carelessness of the value of life, the sanctity of death; then consoled myself with the thought that, whenthe great muster roll was called, these nameless men might be promotedabove many whose tall monuments record the barren honors they have won. 

All having eaten, drank, and rested, the surgeons began their rounds;and I took my first lesson in the art of dressing wounds. It wasn't afestive scene, by any means; for Dr P. , whose Aid I constituted myself, fell to work with a vigor which soon convinced me that I was a weakervessel, though nothing would have induced me to confess it then. He hadserved in the Crimea, and seemed to regard a dilapidated body very muchas I should have regarded a damaged garment; and, turning up his cuffs, whipped out a very unpleasant looking housewife, cutting, sawing, patching and piecing, with the enthusiasm of an accomplished surgicalseamstress; explaining the process, in scientific terms, to thepatient, meantime; which, of course, was immensely cheering andcomfortable. There was an uncanny sort of fascination in watching him, as he peered and probed into the mechanism of those wonderful bodies, whose mysteries he understood so well. The more intricate the wound, the better he liked it. A poor private, with both legs off, and shotthrough the lungs, possessed more attractions for him than a dozengenerals, slightly scratched in some "masterly retreat;" and had anyone appeared in small pieces, requesting to be put together again, hewould have considered it a special dispensation. 

The amputations were reserved till the morrow, and the merciful magicof ether was not thought necessary that day, so the poor souls had tobear their pains as best they might. It is all very well to talk of thepatience of woman; and far be it from me to pluck that feather from hercap, for, heaven knows, she isn't allowed to wear many; but the patientendurance of these men, under trials of the flesh, was truly wonderful. Their fortitude seemed contagious, and scarcely a cry escaped them, though I often longed to groan for them, when pride kept their whitelips shut, while great drops stood upon their foreheads, and the bedshook with the irrepressible tremor of their tortured bodies. One ortwo Irishmen anathematized the doctors with the frankness of theirnation, and ordered the Virgin to stand by them, as if she had been thewedded Biddy to whom they could administer the poker, if she didn't;but, as a general thing, the work went on in silence, broken only bysome quiet request for roller, instruments, or plaster, a sigh from thepatient, or a sympathizing murmur from the nurse. 

It was long past noon before these repairs were even partially made;and, having got the bodies of my boys into something like order, thenext task was to minister to their minds, by writing letters to theanxious souls at home; answering questions, reading papers, takingpossession of money and valuables; for the eighth commandment wasreduced to a very fragmentary condition, both by the blacks and whites, who ornamented our hospital with their presence. Pocket books, purses, miniatures, and watches, were sealed up, labelled, and handed over tothe matron, till such times as the owners thereof were ready to departhomeward or campward again. The letters dictated to me, and revised byme, that afternoon, would have made an excellent chapter for somefuture history of the war; for, like that which Thackeray's "EnsignSpooney" wrote his mother just before Waterloo, they were "full ofaffection, pluck, and bad spelling;" nearly all giving lively accountsof the battle, and ending with a somewhat sudden plunge from patriotismto provender, desiring "Marm, " "Mary Ann, " or "Aunt Peters, " to sendalong some pies, pickles, sweet stuff, and apples, "to yourn in haste, "Joe, Sam, or Ned, as the case might be. 

My little Sergeant insisted on trying to scribble something with hisleft hand, and patiently accomplished some half dozen lines ofhieroglyphics, which he gave me to fold and direct, with a boyishblush, that rendered a glimpse of "My Dearest Jane, " unnecessary, toassure me that the heroic lad had been more successful in the serviceof Commander-in-Chief Cupid than that of Gen. Mars; and a charminglittle romance blossomed instanter in Nurse Periwinkle's romanticfancy, though no further confidences were made that day, for Sergeantfell asleep, and, judging from his tranquil face, visited his absentsweetheart in the pleasant land of dreams. 

At five o'clock a great bell rang, and the attendants flew, not toarms, but to their trays, to bring up supper, when a second uproarannounced that it was ready. The new comers woke at the sound; and Ipresently discovered that it took a very bad wound to incapacitate thedefenders of the faith for the consumption of their rations; the amountthat some of them sequestered was amazing; but when I suggested theprobability of a famine hereafter, to the matron, that motherly ladycried out: "Bless their hearts, why shouldn't they eat? It's their onlyamusement; so fill every one, and, if there's not enough readyto-night, I'll lend my share to the Lord by giving it to the boys. "And, whipping up her coffee-pot and plate of toast, she gladdened theeyes and stomachs of two or three dissatisfied heroes, by serving themwith a liberal hand; and I haven't the slightest doubt that, havingcast her bread upon the waters, it came back buttered, as anotherlarge-hearted old lady was wont to say. 

Then came the doctor's evening visit; the administration of medicines;washing feverish faces; smoothing tumbled beds; wetting wounds; singinglullabies; and preparations for the night. By eleven, the last labor oflove was done; the last "good night" spoken; and, if any needed areward for that day's work, they surely received it, in the silenteloquence of those long lines of faces, showing pale and peaceful inthe shaded rooms, as we quitted them, followed by grateful glances thatlighted us to bed, where rest, the sweetest, made our pillows soft, while Night and Nature took our places, filling that great house ofpain with the healing miracles of Sleep, and his diviner brother, Death. 

CHAPTER IV

A NIGHT. 

Being fond of the night side of nature, I was soon promoted to the postof night nurse, with every facility for indulging in my favoritepastime of "owling. " My colleague, a black-eyed widow, relieved me atdawn, we two taking care of the ward, between us, like the immortalSairy and Betsey, "turn and turn about. " I usually found my boys in thejolliest state of mind their condition allowed; for it was a known factthat Nurse Periwinkle objected to blue devils, and entertained a beliefthat he who laughed most was surest of recovery. At the beginning of myreign, dumps and dismals prevailed; the nurses looked anxious andtired, the men gloomy or sad; and a general"Hark!-from-the-tombs-a-doleful-sound" style of conversation seemed tobe the fashion: a state of things which caused one coming from a merry, social New England town, to feel as if she had got into an exhaustedreceiver; and the instinct of self-preservation, to say nothing of aphilanthropic desire to serve the race, caused a speedy change in WardNo. 1. 

More flattering than the most gracefully turned compliment, moregrateful than the most admiring glance, was the sight of those rows offaces, all strange to me a little while ago, now lighting up, withsmiles of welcome, as I came among them, enjoying that moment heartily, with a womanly pride in their regard, a motherly affection for themall. The evenings were spent in reading aloud, writing letters, waitingon and amusing the men, going the rounds with Dr. P. , as he made hissecond daily survey, dressing my dozen wounds afresh, giving lastdoses, and making them cozy for the long hours to come, till the nineo'clock bell rang, the gas was turned down, the day nurses went offduty, the night watch came on, and my nocturnal adventure began. 

My ward was now divided into three rooms; and, under favor of thematron, I had managed to sort out the patients in such a way that I hadwhat I called, "my duty room, " my "pleasure room, " and my "patheticroom, " and worked for each in a different way. One, I visited, armedwith a dressing tray, full of rollers, plasters, and pins; another, with books, flowers, games, and gossip; a third, with teapots, lullabies, consolation, and sometimes, a shroud. 

Wherever the sickest or most helpless man chanced to be, there I heldmy watch, often visiting the other rooms, to see that the generalwatchman of the ward did his duty by the fires and the wounds, thelatter needing constant wetting. Not only on this account did Imeander, but also to get fresher air than the close rooms afforded;for, owing to the stupidity of that mysterious "somebody" who does allthe damage in the world, the windows had been carefully nailed downabove, and the lower sashes could only be raised in the mildestweather, for the men lay just below. I had suggested a summary smashingof a few panes here and there, when frequent appeals to headquartershad proved unavailing, and daily orders to lazy attendants had come tonothing. No one seconded the motion, however, and the nails were farbeyond my reach; for, though belonging to the sisterhood of"ministering angels, " I had no wings, and might as well have asked forJacob's ladder, as a pair of steps, in that charitable chaos. 

One of the harmless ghosts who bore me company during the hauntedhours, was Dan, the watchman, whom I regarded with a certain awe; for, though so much together, I never fairly saw his face, and, but for hislegs, should never have recognized him, as we seldom met by day. Theselegs were remarkable, as was his whole figure, for his body was short, rotund, and done up in a big jacket, and muffler; his beard hid thelower part of his face, his hat-brim the upper; and all I everdiscovered was a pair of sleepy eyes, and a very mild voice. But thelegs!--very long, very thin, very crooked and feeble, looking like greysausages in their tight coverings, without a ray of pegtopishness aboutthem, and finished off with a pair of expansive, green cloth shoes, very like Chinese junks, with the sails down. This figure, glidingnoiselessly about the dimly lighted rooms, was strongly suggestive ofthe spirit of a beer barrel mounted on cork-screws, haunting the oldhotel in search of its lost mates, emptied and staved in long ago. 

Another goblin who frequently appeared to me, was the attendant of thepathetic room, who, being a faithful soul, was often up to tend two orthree men, weak and wandering as babies, after the fever had gone. Theamiable creature beguiled the watches of the night by brewing jorums ofa fearful beverage, which he called coffee, and insisted on sharingwith me; coming in with a great bowl of something like mud soup, scalding hot, guiltless of cream, rich in an all-pervading flavor ofmolasses, scorch and tin pot. Such an amount of good will andneighborly kindness also went into the mess, that I never could findthe heart to refuse, but always received it with thanks, sipped it withhypocritical relish while he remained, and whipped it into the slop-jarthe instant he departed, thereby gratifying him, securing one rousinglaugh in the doziest hour of the night, and no one was the worse forthe transaction but the pigs. Whether they were "cut off untimely intheir sins, " or not, I carefully abstained from inquiring. 

It was a strange life--asleep half the day, exploring Washington theother half, and all night hovering, like a massive cherubim, in a redrigolette, over the slumbering sons of man. I liked it, and found manythings to amuse, instruct, and interest me. The snores alone were quitea study, varying from the mild sniff to the stentorian snort, whichstartled the echoes and hoisted the performer erect to accuse hisneighbor of the deed, magnanimously forgive him, and wrapping thedrapery of his couch about him, lie down to vocal slumber. Afterlistening for a week to this band of wind instruments, I indulged inthe belief that I could recognize each by the snore alone, and wastempted to join the chorus by breaking out with John Brown's favoritehymn:

"Blow ye the trumpet, blow!"

I would have given much to have possessed the art of sketching, formany of the faces became wonderfully interesting when unconscious. Somegrew stern and grim, the men evidently dreaming of war, as they gaveorders, groaned over their wounds, or damned the rebels vigorously;some grew sad and infinitely pathetic, as if the pain borne silentlyall day, revenged itself by now betraying what the man's pride hadconcealed so well. Often the roughest grew young and pleasant whensleep smoothed the hard lines away, letting the real nature assertitself; many almost seemed to speak, and I learned to know these menbetter by night than through any intercourse by day. Sometimes theydisappointed me, for faces that looked merry and good in the light, grew bad and sly when the shadows came; and though they made noconfidences in words, I read their lives, leaving them to wonder at thechange of manner this midnight magic wrought in their nurse. A fewtalked busily; one drummer boy sang sweetly, though no persuasionscould win a note from him by day; and several depended on being toldwhat they had talked of in the morning. Even my constitutionals in thechilly halls, possessed a certain charm, for the house was never still. Sentinels tramped round it all night long, their muskets glittering inthe wintry moonlight as they walked, or stood before the doors, straight and silent, as figures of stone, causing one to conjure upromantic visions of guarded forts, sudden surprises, and daring deeds;for in these war times the hum drum life of Yankeedom had vanished, andthe most prosaic feel some thrill of that excitement which stirs thenation's heart, and makes its capital a camp of hospitals. Wandering upand down these lower halls, I often heard cries from above, stepshurrying to and fro, saw surgeons passing up, or men coming downcarrying a stretcher, where lay a long white figure, whose face wasshrouded and whose fight was done. Sometimes I stopped to watch thepassers in the street, the moonlight shining on the spire opposite, orthe gleam of some vessel floating, like a white-winged sea-gull, downthe broad Potomac, whose fullest flow can never wash away the red stainof the land. 

The night whose events I have a fancy to record, opened with a littlecomedy, and closed with a great tragedy; for a virtuous and useful lifeuntimely ended is always tragical to those who see not as God sees. Myheadquarters were beside the bed of a New Jersey boy, crazed by thehorrors of that dreadful Saturday. A slight wound in the knee broughthim there; but his mind had suffered more than his body; some string ofthat delicate machine was over strained, and, for days, he had beenreliving in imagination, the scenes he could not forget, till hisdistress broke out in incoherent ravings, pitiful to hear. As I sat byhim, endeavoring to soothe his poor distracted brain by the constanttouch of wet hands over his hot forehead, he lay cheering his comradeson, hurrying them back, then counting them as they fell around him, often clutching my arm, to drag me from the vicinity of a burstingshell, or covering up his head to screen himself from a shower of shot;his face brilliant with fever; his eyes restless; his head never still;every muscle strained and rigid; while an incessant stream of defiantshouts, whispered warnings, and broken laments, poured from his lipswith that forceful bewilderment which makes such wanderings so hard tooverhear. 

It was past eleven, and my patient was slowly wearying himself intofitful intervals of quietude, when, in one of these pauses, a curioussound arrested my attention. Looking over my shoulder, I saw aone-legged phantom hopping nimbly down the room; and, going to meet it, recognized a certain Pennsylvania gentleman, whose wound-fever hadtaken a turn for the worse, and, depriving him of the few wits adrunken campaign had left him, set him literally tripping on the light, fantastic toe "toward home, " as he blandly informed me, touching themilitary cap which formed a striking contrast to the severe simplicityof the rest of his decidedly undress uniform. When sane, the leastmovement produced a roar of pain or a volley of oaths; but thedeparture of reason seemed to have wrought an agreeable change, both inthe man and his manners; for, balancing himself on one leg, like ameditative stork, he plunged into an animated discussion of the war, the President, lager beer, and Enfield rifles, regardless of anysuggestions of mine as to the propriety of returning to bed, lest he becourt-martialed for desertion. 

Anything more supremely ridiculous can hardly be imagined than thisfigure, scantily draped in white, its one foot covered with a big bluesock, a dingy cap set rakingly askew on its shaven head, and placidsatisfaction beaming in its broad red face, as it flourished a mug inone hand, an old boot in the other, calling them canteen and knapsack, while it skipped and fluttered in the most unearthly fashion. What todo with the creature I didn't know; Dan was absent, and if I went tofind him, the perambulator might festoon himself out of the window, sethis toga on fire, or do some of his neighbors a mischief. The attendantof the room was sleeping like a near relative of the celebrated Seven, and nothing short of pins would rouse him; for he had been out thatday, and whiskey asserted its supremacy in balmy whiffs. Stilldeclaiming, in a fine flow of eloquence, the demented gentleman hoppedon, blind and deaf to my graspings and entreaties; and I was about toslam the door in his face, and run for help, when a second and sanerphantom, "all in white, " came to the rescue, in the likeness of a bigPrussian, who spoke no English, but divined the crisis, and put an endto it, by bundling the lively monoped into his bed, like a baby, withan authoritative command to "stay put, " which received added weightfrom being delivered in an odd conglomeration of French and German, accompanied by warning wags of a head decorated with a yellow cottonnight cap, rendered most imposing by a tassel like a bell-pull. Ratherexhausted by his excursion, the member from Pennsylvania subsided; and, after an irrepressible laugh together, my Prussian ally and myself werereturning to our places, when the echo of a sob caused us to glancealong the beds. It came from one in the corner--such a little bed!--andsuch a tearful little face looked up at us, as we stopped beside it!The twelve years old drummer boy was not singing now, but sobbing, witha manly effort all the while to stifle the distressful sounds thatwould break out. 

"What is it, Teddy?" I asked, as he rubbed the tears away, and checkedhimself in the middle of a great sob to answer plaintively:

"I've got a chill, ma'am, but I ain't cryin' for that, 'cause I'm usedto it. I dreamed Kit was here, and when I waked up he wasn't, and Icouldn't help it, then. "

The boy came in with the rest, and the man who was taken dead from theambulance was the Kit he mourned. Well he might; for, when the woundedwere brought from Fredericksburg, the child lay in one of the campsthereabout, and this good friend, though sorely hurt himself, would notleave him to the exposure and neglect of such a time and place; but, wrapping him in his own blanket, carried him in his arms to thetransport, tended him during the passage, and only yielded up hischarge when Death met him at the door of the hospital which promisedcare and comfort for the boy. For ten days, Teddy had shivered orburned with fever and ague, pining the while for Kit, and refusing tobe comforted, because he had not been able to thank him for thegenerous protection, which, perhaps, had cost the giver's life. Thevivid dream had wrung the childish heart with a fresh pang, and when Itried the solace fitted for his years, the remorseful fear that hauntedhim found vent in a fresh burst of tears, as he looked at the wastedhands I was endeavoring to warm:

"Oh! if I'd only been as thin when Kit carried me as I am now, maybe hewouldn't have died; but I was heavy, he was hurt worser than we knew, and so it killed him; and I didn't see him, to say good bye. "

This thought had troubled him in secret; and my assurances that hisfriend would probably have died at all events, hardly assuaged thebitterness of his regretful grief. 

At this juncture, the delirious man began to shout; the one-legged roseup in his bed, as if preparing for another dart, Teddy bewailed himselfmore piteously than before: and if ever a woman was at her wit's end, that distracted female was Nurse Periwinkle, during the space of two orthree minutes, as she vibrated between the three beds, like an agitatedpendulum. Like a most opportune reinforcement, Dan, the bandy, appeared, and devoted himself to the lively party, leaving me free toreturn to my post; for the Prussian, with a nod and a smile, took thelad away to his own bed, and lulled him to sleep with a soothingmurmur, like a mammoth humble bee. I liked that in Fritz, and if heever wondered afterward at the dainties which sometimes found their wayinto his rations, or the extra comforts of his bed, he might have founda solution of the mystery in sundry persons' knowledge of the fatherlyaction of that night. 

Hardly was I settled again, when the inevitable bowl appeared, and itsbearer delivered a message I had expected, yet dreaded to receive:

"John is going, ma'am, and wants to see you, if you can come. "

"The moment this boy is asleep; tell him so, and let me know if I am indanger of being too late. "

My Ganymede departed, and while I quieted poor Shaw, I thought of John. He came in a day or two after the others; and, one evening, when Ientered my "pathetic room, " I found a lately emptied bed occupied by alarge, fair man, with a fine face, and the serenest eyes I ever met. One of the earlier comers had often spoken of a friend, who hadremained behind, that those apparently worse wounded than himself mightreach a shelter first. It seemed a David and Jonathan sort offriendship. The man fretted for his mate, and was never tired ofpraising John--his courage, sobriety, self-denial, and unfailingkindliness of heart; always winding up with: "He's an out an' out finefeller, ma'am; you see if he aint. "

I had some curiosity to behold this piece of excellence, and when hecame, watched him for a night or two, before I made friends with him;for, to tell the truth, I was a little afraid of the stately lookingman, whose bed had to be lengthened to accommodate his commandingstature; who seldom spoke, uttered no complaint, asked no sympathy, buttranquilly observed what went on about him; and, as he lay high uponhis pillows, no picture of dying stateman or warrior was ever fuller ofreal dignity than this Virginia blacksmith. A most attractive face hehad, framed in brown hair and beard, comely featured and full of vigor, as yet unsubdued by pain; thoughtful and often beautifully mild whilewatching the afflictions of others, as if entirely forgetful of hisown. His mouth was grave and firm, with plenty of will and courage inits lines, but a smile could make it as sweet as any woman's; and hiseyes were child's eyes, looking one fairly in the face, with a clear, straightforward glance, which promised well for such as placed theirfaith in him. He seemed to cling to life, as if it were rich in dutiesand delights, and he had learned the secret of content. The only time Isaw his composure disturbed, was when my surgeon brought another toexamine John, who scrutinized their faces with an anxious look, askingof the elder: "Do you think I shall pull through, sir?" "I hope so, myman. " And, as the two passed on, John's eye still followed them, withan intentness which would have won a clearer answer from them, had theyseen it. A momentary shadow flitted over his face; then came the usualserenity, as if, in that brief eclipse, he had acknowledged theexistence of some hard possibility, and, asking nothing yet hoping allthings, left the issue in God's hands, with that submission which istrue piety. 

The next night, as I went my rounds with Dr. P. , I happened to askwhich man in the room probably suffered most; and, to my greatsurprise, he glanced at John:

"Every breath he draws is like a stab; for the ball pierced the leftlung, broke a rib, and did no end of damage here and there; so the poorlad can find neither forgetfulness nor ease, because he must lie on hiswounded back or suffocate. It will be a hard struggle, and a long one, for he possesses great vitality; but even his temperate life can't savehim; I wish it could. "

"You don't mean he must die, Doctor?"

"Bless you there's not the slightest hope for him; and you'd bettertell him so before long; women have a way of doing such thingscomfortably, so I leave it to you. He won't last more than a day ortwo, at furthest. "

I could have sat down on the spot and cried heartily, if I had notlearned the wisdom of bottling up one's tears for leisure moments. Suchan end seemed very hard for such a man, when half a dozen worn out, worthless bodies round him, were gathering up the remnants of wastedlives, to linger on for years perhaps, burdens to others, dailyreproaches to themselves. The army needed men like John, earnest, brave, and faithful; fighting for liberty and justice with both heartand hand, true soldiers of the Lord. I could not give him up so soon, or think with any patience of so excellent a nature robbed of itsfulfillment, and blundered into eternity by the rashness or stupidityof those at whose hands so many lives may be required. It was an easything for Dr. P. To say: "Tell him he must die, " but a cruelly hardthing to do, and by no means as "comfortable" as he politely suggested. I had not the heart to do it then, and privately indulged the hope thatsome change for the better might take place, in spite of gloomyprophesies; so, rendering my task unnecessary. A few minutes later, asI came in again, with fresh rollers, I saw John sitting erect, with noone to support him, while the surgeon dressed his back. I had neverhitherto seen it done; for, having simpler wounds to attend to, andknowing the fidelity of the attendant, I had left John to him, thinkingit might be more agreeable and safe; for both strength and experiencewere needed in his case. I had forgotten that the strong man might longfor the gentle tendance of a woman's hands, the sympathetic magnetismof a woman's presence, as well as the feebler souls about him. TheDoctor's words caused me to reproach myself with neglect, not of anyreal duty perhaps, but of those little cares and kindnesses that solacehomesick spirits, and make the heavy hours pass easier. John lookedlonely and forsaken just then, as he sat with bent head, hands foldedon his knee, and no outward sign of suffering, till, looking nearer, Isaw great tears roll down and drop upon the floor. It was a new sightthere; for, though I had seen many suffer, some swore, some groaned, most endured silently, but none wept. Yet it did not seem weak, onlyvery touching, and straightway my fear vanished, my heart opened wideand took him in, as, gathering the bent head in my arms, as freely asif he had been a little child, I said, "Let me help you bear it, John. "

Never, on any human countenance, have I seen so swift and beautiful alook of gratitude, surprise and comfort, as that which answered me moreeloquently than the whispered--

"Thank you, ma'am, this is right good! this is what I wanted!"

"Then why not ask for it before?"

"I didn't like to be a trouble; you seemed so busy, and I could manageto get on alone. "

"You shall not want it any more, John. "

Nor did he; for now I understood the wistful look that sometimesfollowed me, as I went out, after a brief pause beside his bed, ormerely a passing nod, while busied with those who seemed to need memore than he, because more urgent in their demands; now I knew that tohim, as to so many, I was the poor substitute for mother, wife, orsister, and in his eyes no stranger, but a friend who hitherto hadseemed neglectful; for, in his modesty, he had never guessed the truth. This was changed now; and, through the tedious operation of probing, bathing, and dressing his wounds, he leaned against me, holding my handfast, and, if pain wrung further tears from him, no one saw them fallbut me. When he was laid down again, I hovered about him, in aremorseful state of mind that would not let me rest, till I had bathedhis face, brushed his "bonny brown hair, " set all things smooth abouthim, and laid a knot of heath and heliotrope on his clean pillow. Whiledoing this, he watched me with the satisfied expression I so liked tosee; and when I offered the little nosegay, held it carefully in hisgreat hand, smoothed a ruffled leaf or two, surveyed and smelt it withan air of genuine delight, and lay contentedly regarding the glimmer ofthe sunshine on the green. Although the manliest man among my forty, hesaid, "Yes, ma'am, " like a little boy; received suggestions for hiscomfort with the quick smile that brightened his whole face; and nowand then, as I stood tidying the table by his bed, I felt him softlytouch my gown, as if to assure himself that I was there. Anything morenatural and frank I never saw, and found this brave John as bashful asbrave, yet full of excellencies and fine aspirations, which, having nopower to express themselves in words, seemed to have bloomed into hischaracter and made him what he was. 

After that night, an hour of each evening that remained to him wasdevoted to his ease or pleasure. He could not talk much, for breath wasprecious, and he spoke in whispers; but from occasional conversations, I gleaned scraps of private history which only added to the affectionand respect I felt for him. Once he asked me to write a letter, and asI settled pen and paper, I said, with an irrepressible glimmer offeminine curiosity, "Shall it be addressed to wife, or mother, John?"

"Neither, ma'am; I've got no wife, and will write to mother myself whenI get better. Did you think I was married because of this?" he asked, touching a plain ring he wore, and often turned thoughtfully on hisfinger when he lay alone. 

"Partly that, but more from a settled sort of look you have; a lookwhich young men seldom get until they marry. "

"I didn't know that; but I'm not so very young, ma'am, thirty in May, and have been what you might call settled this ten years; for mother'sa widow, I'm the oldest child she has, and it wouldn't do for me tomarry until Lizzy has a home of her own, and Laurie's learned histrade; for we're not rich, and I must be father to the children andhusband to the dear old woman, if I can. "

"No doubt but you are both, John; yet how came you to go to war, if youfelt so? Wasn't enlisting as bad as marrying?"

"No, ma'am, not as I see it, for one is helping my neighbor, the otherpleasing myself. I went because I couldn't help it. I didn't want theglory or the pay; I wanted the right thing done, and people kept sayingthe men who were in earnest ought to fight. I was in earnest, the Lordknows! but I held off as long as I could, not knowing which was myduty; mother saw the case, gave me her ring to keep me steady, and said'Go:' so I went. "

A short story and a simple one, but the man and the mother wereportrayed better than pages of fine writing could have done it. 

"Do you ever regret that you came, when you lie here suffering so much?"

"Never, ma'am; I haven't helped a great deal, but I've shown I waswilling to give my life, and perhaps I've got to; but I don't blameanybody, and if it was to do over again, I'd do it. I'm a little sorryI wasn't wounded in front; it looks cowardly to be hit in the back, butI obeyed orders, and it don't matter in the end, I know. "

Poor John! it did not matter now, except that a shot in the front mighthave spared the long agony in store for him. He seemed to read thethought that troubled me, as he spoke so hopefully when there was nohope, for he suddenly added:

"This is my first battle; do they think it's going to be my last?"

"I'm afraid they do, John. "

It was the hardest question I had ever been called upon to answer;doubly hard with those clear eyes fixed on mine, forcing a truthfulanswer by their own truth. He seemed a little startled at first, pondered over the fateful fact a moment, then shook his head, with aglance at the broad chest and muscular limbs stretched out before him:

"I'm not afraid, but it's difficult to believe all at once. I'm sostrong it don't seem possible for such a little wound to kill me. "

Merry Mercutio's dying words glanced through my memory as he spoke:"'Tis not so deep as a well, nor so wide as a church door, but 'tisenough. " And John would have said the same could he have seen theominous black holes between his shoulders; he never had; and, seeingthe ghastly sights about him, could not believe his own wound morefatal than these, for all the suffering it caused him. 

"Shall I write to your mother, now?" I asked, thinking that thesesudden tidings might change all plans and purposes; but they did not;for the man received the order of the Divine Commander to march withthe same unquestioning obedience with which the soldier had receivedthat of the human one; doubtless remembering that the first led him tolife, and the last to death. 

"No, ma'am; to Laurie just the same; he'll break it to her best, andI'll add a line to her myself when you get done. "

So I wrote the letter which he dictated, finding it better than any Ihad sent; for, though here and there a little ungrammatical orinelegant, each sentence came to me briefly worded, but mostexpressive; full of excellent counsel to the boy, tenderly bequeathing"mother and Lizzie" to his care, and bidding him good bye in words thesadder for their simplicity. He added a few lines, with steady hand, and, as I sealed it, said, with a patient sort of sigh, "I hope theanswer will come in time for me to see it;" then, turning away hisface, laid the flowers against his lips, as if to hide some quiver ofemotion at the thought of such a sudden sundering of all the dear hometies. 

These things had happened two days before; now John was dying, and theletter had not come. I had been summoned to many death beds in my life, but to none that made my heart ache as it did then, since my mothercalled me to watch the departure of a spirit akin to this in itsgentleness and patient strength. As I went in, John stretched out bothhands:

"I know you'd come! I guess I'm moving on, ma'am. "

He was; and so rapidly that, even while he spoke, over his face I sawthe grey veil falling that no human hand can lift. I sat down by him, wiped the drops from his forehead, stirred the air about him with theslow wave of a fan, and waited to help him die. He stood in sore needof help--and I could do so little; for, as the doctor had foretold, thestrong body rebelled against death, and fought every inch of the way, forcing him to draw each breath with a spasm, and clench his hands withan imploring look, as if he asked, "How long must I endure this, and bestill!" For hours he suffered dumbly, without a moment's respire, or amoment's murmuring; his limbs grew cold, his face damp, his lips white, and, again and again, he tore the covering off his breast, as if thelightest weight added to his agony; yet through it all, his eyes neverlost their perfect serenity, and the man's soul seemed to sit therein, undaunted by the ills that vexed his flesh. 

One by one, the men woke, and round the room appeared a circle of palefaces and watchful eyes, full of awe and pity; for, though a stranger, John was beloved by all. Each man there had wondered at his patience, respected his piety, admired his fortitude, and now lamented his harddeath; for the influence of an upright nature had made itself deeplyfelt, even in one little week. Presently, the Jonathan who so lovedthis comely David, came creeping from his bed for a last look and word. The kind soul was full of trouble, as the choke in his voice, the graspof his hand, betrayed; but there were no tears, and the farewell of thefriends was the more touching for its brevity. 

"Old boy, how are you?" faltered the one. 

"Most through, thank heaven!" whispered the other. 

"Can I say or do anything for you anywheres?"

"Take my things home, and tell them that I did my best. "

"I will! I will!"

"Good bye, Ned. "

"Good bye, John, good bye!"

They kissed each other, tenderly as women, and so parted, for poor Nedcould not stay to see his comrade die. For a little while, there was nosound in the room but the drip of water, from a stump or two, andJohn's distressful gasps, as he slowly breathed his life away. Ithought him nearly gone, and had just laid down the fan, believing itshelp to be no longer needed, when suddenly he rose up in his bed, andcried out with a bitter cry that broke the silence, sharply startlingevery one with its agonized appeal:

"For God's sake, give me air!"

It was the only cry pain or death had wrung from him, the only boon hehad asked; and none of us could grant it, for all the airs that blewwere useless now. Dan flung up the window. The first red streak of dawnwas warming the grey east, a herald of the coming sun; John saw it, andwith the love of light which lingers in us to the end, seemed to readin it a sign of hope of help, for, over his whole face there broke thatmysterious expression, brighter than any smile, which often comes toeyes that look their last. He laid himself gently down; and, stretchingout his strong right arm, as if to grasp and bring the blessed air tohis lips in a fuller flow, lapsed into a merciful unconsciousness, which assured us that for him suffering was forever past. He died then;for, though the heavy breaths still tore their way up for a littlelonger, they were but the waves of an ebbing tide that beat unfeltagainst the wreck, which an immortal voyager had deserted with a smile. He never spoke again, but to the end held my hand close, so close thatwhen he was asleep at last, I could not draw it away. Dan helped me, warning me as he did so that it was unsafe for dead and living flesh tolie so long together; but though my hand was strangely cold and stiff, and four white marks remained across its back, even when warmth andcolor had returned elsewhere, I could not but be glad that, through itstouch, the presence of human sympathy, perhaps, had lightened that hardhour. 

When they had made him ready for the grave, John lay in state for halfan hour, a thing which seldom happened in that busy place; but auniversal sentiment of reverence and affection seemed to fill thehearts of all who had known or heard of him; and when the rumor of hisdeath went through the house, always astir, many came to see him, and Ifelt a tender sort of pride in my lost patient; for he looked a mostheroic figure, lying there stately and still as the statue of someyoung knight asleep upon his tomb. The lovely expression which so oftenbeautifies dead faces, soon replaced the marks of pain, and I longedfor those who loved him best to see him when half an hour'sacquaintance with Death had made them friends. As we stood looking athim, the ward master handed me a letter, saying it had been forgottenthe night before. It was John's letter, come just an hour too late togladden the eyes that had longed and looked for it so eagerly! yet hehad it; for, after I had cut some brown locks for his mother, and takenoff the ring to send her, telling how well the talisman had done itswork, I kissed this good son for her sake, and laid the letter in hishand, still folded as when I drew my own away, feeling that its placewas there, and making myself happy with the thought, that, even in hissolitary place in the "Government Lot, " he would not be without sometoken of the love which makes life beautiful and outlives death. Then Ileft him, glad to have known so genuine a man, and carrying with me anenduring memory of the brave Virginia blacksmith, as he lay serenelywaiting for the dawn of that long day which knows no night. 

CHAPTER V

OFF DUTY. 

"My dear girl, we shall have you sick in your bed, unless you keepyourself warm and quiet for a few days. Widow Wadman can take care ofthe ward alone, now the men are so comfortable, and have her vacationwhen you are about again. Now do be prudent in time, and don't let mehave to add a Periwinkle to my bouquet of patients. "

This advice was delivered, in a paternal manner, by the youngestsurgeon in the hospital, a kind-hearted little gentleman, who seemed toconsider me a frail young blossom, that needed much cherishing, insteadof a tough old spinster, who had been knocking about the world forthirty years. At the time I write of, he discovered me sitting on thestairs, with a nice cloud of unwholesome steam rising from thewashroom; a party of January breezes disporting themselves in thehalls; and perfumes, by no means from "Araby the blest, " keeping themcompany; while I enjoyed a fit of coughing, which caused my head tospin in a way that made the application of a cool banister bothnecessary and agreeable, as I waited for the frolicsome wind to restorethe breath I'd lost; cheering myself, meantime, with a secretconviction that pneumonia was waiting for me round the corner. Thispiece of advice had been offered by several persons for a week, andrefused by me with the obstinacy with which my sex is so richly gifted. But the last few hours had developed several surprising internal andexternal phenomena, which impressed upon me the fact that if I didn'tmake a masterly retreat very soon, I should tumble down somewhere, andhave to be borne ignominiously from the field. My head felt like acannon ball; my feet had a tendency to cleave to the floor; the wallsat times undulated in a most disagreeable manner; people lookedunnaturally big; and the "very bottles on the mankle shelf" appeared todance derisively before my eyes. Taking these things intoconsideration, while blinking stupidly at Dr. Z. , I resolved to retiregracefully, if I must; so, with a valedictory to my boys, a privatelecture to Mrs. Wadman, and a fervent wish that I could take off mybody and work in my soul, I mournfully ascended to my apartment, andNurse P was reported off duty. 

For the benefit of any ardent damsel whose patriotic fancy may havesurrounded hospital life with a halo of charms, I will briefly describethe bower to which I retired, in a somewhat ruinous condition. It waswell ventilated, for five panes of glass had suffered compoundfractures, which all the surgeons and nurses had failed to heal; thetwo windows were draped with sheets, the church hospital opposite beinga brick and mortar Argus, and the female mind cherishing a prejudice infavor of retiracy during the night-capped periods of existence. A barefloor supported two narrow iron beds, spread with thin mattresses likeplasters, furnished with pillows in the last stages of consumption. Ina fire place, guiltless of shovel, tongs, andirons, or grate, burned alog inch by inch, being too long to to go on all at once; so, while thefire blazed away at one end, I did the same at the other, as I trippedover it a dozen times a day, and flew up to poke it a dozen times atnight. A mirror (let us be elegant!) of the dimensions of a muffin, andabout as reflective, hung over a tin basin, blue pitcher, and a braceof yellow mugs. Two invalid tables, ditto chairs, wandered here andthere, and the closet contained a varied collection of bonnets, bottles, bags, boots, bread and butter, boxes and bugs. The closet wasa regular Blue Beard cupboard to me; I always opened it with fear andtrembling, owing to rats, and shut it in anguish of spirit; for timeand space were not to be had, and chaos reigned along with the rats. Our chimney-piece was decorated with a flat-iron, a Bible, a candleminus stick, a lavender bottle, a new tin pan, so brilliant that itserved nicely for a pier-glass, and such of the portly black bugs aspreferred a warmer climate than the rubbish hole afforded. Two arks, commonly called trunks, lurked behind the door, containing the worldlygoods of the twain who laughed and cried, slept and scrambled, in thisrefuge; while from the white-washed walls above either bed, looked downthe pictured faces of those whose memory can make for us--

"One little room an everywhere. "

For a day or two I managed to appear at meals; for the human grub musteat till the butterfly is ready to break loose, and no one had time tocome up two flights while it was possible for me to come down. Far beit from me to add another affliction or reproach to that enduring man, the steward; for, compared with his predecessor, he was a horn ofplenty; but--I put it to any candid mind--is not the following bill offare susceptible of improvement, without plunging the nation madly intodebt? The three meals were "pretty much of a muchness, " and consistedof beef, evidently put down for the men of '76; pork, just in from thestreet; army bread, composed of saw-dust and saleratus; butter, salt asif churned by Lot's wife; stewed blackberries, so much like preservedcockroaches, that only those devoid of imagination could partakethereof with relish; coffee, mild and muddy; tea, three driedhuckleberry leaves to a quart of water--flavored with lime--alsoanimated and unconscious of any approach to clearness. Variety beingthe spice of life, a small pinch of the article would have beenappreciated by the hungry, hard-working sisterhood, one of whom, thoughaccustomed to plain fare, soon found herself reduced to bread andwater; having an inborn repugnance to the fat of the land, and the saltof the earth. 

Another peculiarity of these hospital meals was the rapidity with whichthe edibles vanished, and the impossibility of getting a drop or crumbafter the usual time. At the first ring of the bell, a general stampedetook place; some twenty hungry souls rushed to the dining-room, sweptover the table like a swarm of locusts, and left no fragment for anytardy creature who arrived fifteen minutes late. Thinking it of moreimportance that the patients should be well and comfortably fed, I tookmy time about my own meals for the first day or two after I came, butwas speedily enlightened by Isaac, the black waiter, who bore with me afew times, and then informed me, looking as stern as fate:

"I say, mam, ef you comes so late you can't have no vittles, --'causeI'm 'bleeged fer ter git things ready fer de doctors 'mazin' spry arteryou nusses and folks is done. De gen'lemen don't kere fer ter wait, nomore does I; so you jes' please ter come at de time, and dere won't beno frettin' nowheres. "

It was a new sensation to stand looking at a full table, painfullyconscious of one of the vacuums which Nature abhors, and receive ordersto right about face, without partaking of the nourishment which yourinner woman clamorously demanded. The doctors always fared better thanwe; and for a moment a desperate impulse prompted me to give them ahint, by walking off with the mutton, or confiscating the pie. ButIke's eye was on me, and, to my shame be it spoken, I walked meeklyaway; went dinnerless that day, and that evening went to market, layingin a small stock of crackers, cheese and apples, that my boys might notbe neglected, nor myself obliged to bolt solid and liquid dyspepsias, or starve. This plan would have succeeded admirably had not the evilstar under which I was born, been in the ascendant during that month, and cast its malign influences even into my "'umble" larder; for therats had their dessert off my cheese, the bugs set up housekeeping inmy cracker bag, and the apples like all worldly riches, took tothemselves wings and flew away; whither no man could tell, thoughcertain black imps might have thrown light upon the matter, had not theplaintiff in the case been loth to add another to the many trials oflong-suffering. Africa. After this failure I resigned myself to fate, and, remembering that bread was called the staff of life, leaned prettyexclusively upon it; but it proved a broken reed, and I came to theground after a few weeks of prison fare, varied by an occasional potatoor surreptitious sip of milk. 

Very soon after leaving the care of my ward, I discovered that I had noappetite, and cut the bread and butter interests almost entirely, trying the exercise and sun cure instead. Flattering myself that I hadplenty of time, and could see all that was to be seen, so far as a lonelorn female could venture in a city, one-half of whose male populationseemed to be taking the other half to the guard-house, --every morning Itook a brisk run in one direction or another; for the January days wereas mild as Spring. A rollicking north wind and occasional snow stormwould have been more to my taste, for the one would have braced andrefreshed tired body and soul, the other have purified the air, andspread a clean coverlid over the bed, wherein the capital of theseUnited States appeared to be dozing pretty soundly just then. 

One of these trips was to the Armory Hospital, the neatness, comfort, and convenience of which makes it an honor to its presiding genius, andarouses all the covetous propensities of such nurses as came from otherhospitals to visit it. 

The long, clean, warm, and airy wards, built barrack-fashion, with thenurse's room at the end, were fully appreciated by Nurse Periwinkle, whose ward and private bower were cold, dirty, inconvenient, up stairsand down stairs, and in every body's chamber. At the Armory, in ward K, I found a cheery, bright-eyed, white-aproned little lady, reading ather post near the stove; matting under her feet; a draft of fresh airflowing in above her head; a table full of trays, glasses, and suchmatters, on one side, a large, well-stocked medicine chest on theother; and all her duty seemed to be going about now and then to givedoses, issue orders, which well-trained attendants executed, and pet, advise, or comfort Tom, Dick, or Harry, as she found best. As I watchedthe proceedings, I recalled my own tribulations, and contrasted the twohospitals in a way that would have caused my summary dismissal, couldit have been reported at headquarters. Here, order, method, commonsense and liberality reigned and ruled, in a style that did one's heartgood to see; at the Hurly burly Hotel, disorder, discomfort, badmanagement, and no visible head, reduced things to a condition which Idespair of describing. The circumlocution fashion prevailed, forms andfusses tormented our souls, and unnecessary strictness in one place wascounterbalanced by unpardonable laxity in another. Here is a sample: Iam dressing Sam Dammer's shoulder; and, having cleansed the wound, lookabout for some strips of adhesive plaster to hold on the little squareof wet linen which is to cover the gunshot wound; the case is not inthe tray; Frank, the sleepy, half-sick attendant, knows nothing of it;we rummage high and low; Sam is tired, and fumes; Frank dawdles andyawns; the men advise and laugh at the flurry; I feel like a boilingtea-kettle, with the lid ready to fly off and damage somebody. 

"Go and borrow some from the next ward, and spend the rest of the dayin finding ours, " I finally command. A pause; then Frank scuffles backwith the message: "Miss Peppercorn ain't got none, and says you ain'tno business to lose your own duds and go borrowin' other folkses. " Isay nothing, for fear of saying too much, but fly to the surgery. Mr. Toddypestle informs me that I can't have anything without an order fromthe surgeon of my ward. Great heavens! where is he? and away I rush, upand down, here and there, till at last I find him, in a state of blissover a complicated amputation, in the fourth story. I make my demand;he answers: "In five minutes, " and works away, with his head upsidedown, as he ties an artery, saws a bone, or does a little needle-work, with a visible relish and very sanguinary pair of hands. The fiveminutes grow to fifteen, and Frank appears, with the remark that, "Dammer wants to know what in thunder you are keeping him there withhis finger on a wet rag for?" Dr. P. Tears himself away long enough toscribble the order, with which I plunge downward to the surgery again, find the door locked, and, while hammering away on it, am told that twofriends are waiting to see me in the hall. The matron being away, herparlor is locked, and there is nowhere to see my guests but in my ownroom, and no time to enjoy them till the plaster is found. I settlethis matter, and circulate through the house to find Toddypestle, whohas no right, to leave the surgery till night. He is discovered in thedead house, smoking a cigar; and very much the worse for his researchesamong the spirituous preparations that fill the surgery shelves. He isinclined to be gallant, and puts the finishing blow to the fire of mywrath; for the tea-kettle lid flies off, and driving him before me tohis post, I fling down the order, take what I choose; and, leaving theabsurd incapable kissing his hand to me, depart, feeling, as GrandmaRiglesty is reported to have done, when she vainly sought for chips, inBimleck Jackwood's "shifless paster. "

I find Dammer a well acted charade of his own name, and, just as I gethim done, struggling the while with a burning desire to clap anadhesive strip across his mouth, full of heaven-defying oaths, Franktakes up his boot to put it on, and exclaims:

"I'm blest ef here ain't that case now! I recollect seeing it pitch inthis mornin', but forgot all about it, till my heel went smash interit. Here, ma'am, ketch hold on it, and give the boys a sheet on't allround, 'gainst it tumbles inter t'other boot next time yer want it. "

If a look could annihilate, Francis Saucebox would have ceased toexist; but it couldn't; therefore, he yet lives, to aggravate someunhappy woman's soul, and wax fat in some equally congenial situation. 

Now, while I'm freeing my mind, I should like to enter my protestagainst employing convalescents as attendants, instead of strong, properly trained, and cheerful men. How it may be in other places Icannot say; but here it was a source of constant trouble and confusion, these feeble, ignorant men trying to sweep, scrub, lift, and wait upontheir sicker comrades. One, with a diseased heart, was expected to runup and down stairs, carry heavy trays, and move helpless men; he triedit, and grew rapidly worse than when he first came: and, when he wasordered out to march away to the convalescent hospital, fell, in a sortof fit, before he turned the corner, and was brought back to die. Another, hurt by a fall from his horse, endeavored to do his duty, butfailed entirely, and the wrath of the ward master fell upon the nurse, who must either scrub the rooms herself, or take the lecture; for theboy looked stout and well, and the master never happened to see himturn white with pain, or hear him groan in his sleep when aninvoluntary motion strained his poor back. Constant complaints werebeing made of incompetent attendants, and some dozen women did doubleduty, and then were blamed for breaking down. If any hospital directorfancies this a good and economical arrangement, allow one used up nurseto tell him it isn't, and beg him to spare the sisterhood, whosometimes, in their sympathy, forget that they are mortal, and run therisk of being made immortal, sooner than is agreeable to their partialfriends. 

Another of my few rambles took me to the Senate Chamber, hoping to hearand see if this large machine was run any better than some small ones Iknew of. I was too late, and found the Speaker's chair occupied by acolored gentleman of ten; while two others were "on their legs, " havinga hot debate on the cornball question, as they gathered the waste paperstrewn about the floor into bags; and several white members playedleap-frog over the desks, a much wholesomer relaxation than some of theolder Senators indulge in, I fancy. Finding the coast clear, I likewisegambolled up and down, from gallery to gallery; sat in Sumner's chair, and cudgelled an imaginary Brooks within an inch of his life; examinedWilson's books in the coolest possible manner; warmed my feet at one ofthe national registers; read people's names on scattered envelopes, andpocketed a castaway autograph or two; watched the somewhatunparliamentary proceedings going on about me, and wondered who in theworld all the sedate gentlemen were, who kept popping out of odd doorshere and there, like respectable Jacks-in-the-box. Then I wandered overthe "palatial residence" of Mrs. Columbia, and examined its manybeauties, though I can't say I thought her a tidy housekeeper, anddidn't admire her taste in pictures, for the eye of this humbleindividual soon wearied of expiring patriots, who all appeared to bequitting their earthly tabernacles in convulsions, ruffled shirts, anda whirl of torn banners, bomb shells, and buff and blue arms and legs. The statuary also was massive and concrete, but rather wearying toexamine; for the colossal ladies and gentlemen, carried no cards ofintroduction in face or figure; so, whether the meditative party in akilt, with well-developed legs, shoes like army slippers, and aponderous nose, was Columbus, Cato, or Cockelorum Tibby, the tragedian, was more than I could tell. Several robust ladies attracted me; butwhich was America and which Pocahontas was a mystery; for all affectedmuch looseness of costume, dishevelment of hair, swords, arrows, lances, scales, and other ornaments quite passe with damsels of ourday, whose effigies should go down to posterity armed with fans, crochet needles, riding whips, and parasols, with here and there oneholding pen or pencil, rolling-pin or broom. The statue of Liberty Irecognized at once, for it had no pedestal as yet, but stood flat inthe mud, with Young America most symbolically making dirt pies, andchip forts, in its shadow. But high above the squabbling little throngand their petty plans, the sun shone full on Liberty's broad forehead, and, in her hand, some summer bird had built its nest. I accepted thegood omen then, and, on the first of January, the Emancipation Act gavethe statue a nobler and more enduring pedestal than any marble orgranite ever carved and quarried by human bands. 

One trip to Georgetown Heights, where cedars sighed overhead, deadleaves rustled underfoot, pleasant paths led up and down, and a brookwound like a silver snake by the blackened ruins of some FrenchMinister's house, through the poor gardens of the black washerwomen whocongregated there, and, passing the cemetery with a murmurous lullaby, rolled away to pay its little tribute to the river. This breezy run wasthe last I took; for, on the morrow, came rain and wind: andconfinement soon proved a powerful reinforcement to the enemy, who wasquietly preparing to spring a mine, and blow me five hundred miles fromthe position I had taken in what I called my Chickahominy Swamp. 

Shut up in my room, with no voice, spirits, or books, that week was nota holiday, by any means. Finding meals a humbug, I stopped awayaltogether, trusting that if this sparrow was of any worth, the Lordwould not let it fall to the ground. Like a flock of friendly ravens, my sister nurses fed me, not only with food for the body, but kindwords for the mind; and soon, from being half starved, I found myselfso beteaed and betoasted, petted and served, that I was quite "in thelap of luxury, " in spite of cough, headache, a painful consciousness ofmy pleura, and a realizing sense of bones in the human frame. From thepleasant house on the hill, the home in the heart of Washington, andthe Willard caravansary, came friends new and old, with bottles, baskets, carriages and invitations for the invalid; and daily ourFlorence Nightingale climbed the steep stairs, stealing a moment fromher busy life, to watch over the stranger, of whom she was asthoughtfully tender as any mother. Long may she wave! Whatever othersmay think or say, Nurse Periwinkle is forever grateful; and among herrelics of that Washington defeat, none is more valued than the littlebook which appeared on her pillow, one dreary day; for the D D. Writtenin it means to her far more than Doctor of Divinity. 

Being forbidden to meddle with fleshly arms and legs, I solaced myselfby mending cotton ones, and, as I sat sewing at my window, watched themoving panorama that passed below; amusing myself with taking notes ofthe most striking figures in it. Long trains of army wagons kept up aperpetual rumble from morning till night; ambulances rattled to and frowith busy surgeons, nurses taking an airing, or convalescents going inparties to be fitted to artificial limbs. Strings of sorry lookinghorses passed, saying as plainly as dumb creatures could, "Why, in acity full of them, is there no horsepital for us?" Often a cart cameby, with several rough coffins in it and no mourners following;barouches, with invalid officers, rolled round the corner, and carriageloads of pretty children, with black coachmen, footmen, and maids. Thewomen who took their walks abroad, were so extinguished in three storybonnets, with overhanging balconies of flowers, that their charms wereobscured; and all I can say of them is that they dressed in the worstpossible taste, and walked like ducks. 

The men did the picturesque, and did it so well that Washington lookedlike a mammoth masquerade. Spanish hats, scarlet lined riding cloaks, swords and sashes, high boots and bright spurs, beards and mustaches, which made plain faces comely, and comely faces heroic; these vanitiesof the flesh transformed our butchers, bakers, and candlestick makersinto gallant riders of gaily caparisoned horses, much handsomer thanthemselves; and dozens of such figures were constantly prancing by, with private prickings of spurs, for the benefit of the perambulatingflower-bed. Some of these gentlemen affected painfully tight uniforms, and little caps, kept on by some new law of gravitation, as theycovered only the bridge of the nose, yet never fell off; the men lookedlike stuffed fowls, and rode as if the safety of the nation depended ontheir speed alone. The fattest, greyest officers dressed most, andambled statelily along, with orderlies behind, trying to look as ifthey didn't know the stout party in front, and doing much caracoling ontheir own account. 

The mules were my especial delight; and an hour's study of a constantsuccession of them introduced me to many of their characteristics; forsix of these odd little beasts drew each army wagon, and went hoppinglike frogs through the stream of mud that gently rolled along thestreet. The coquettish mule had small feet, a nicely trimmed tassel ofa tail, perked up ears, and seemed much given to little tosses of thehead, affected skips and prances; and, if he wore the bells, or werebedizzened with a bit of finery, put on as many airs as any belle. Themoral mule was a stout, hard-working creature, always tugging with allhis might; often pulling away after the rest had stopped, laboringunder the conscientious delusion that food for the entire army dependedupon his private exertions. I respected this style of mule; and had Ipossessed a juicy cabbage, would have pressed it upon him, with thanksfor his excellent example. The historical mule was a melo-dramaticquadruped, prone to startling humanity by erratic leaps, and wildplunges, much shaking of his stubborn head, and lashing out of hisvicious heels; now and then falling flat and apparently dying a laForrest: a gasp--a squirm--a flop, and so on, till the street was wellblocked up, the drivers all swearing like demons in bad hats, and thechief actor's circulation decidedly quickened by every variety of kick, cuff jerk, and haul. When the last breath seemed to have left his body, and "Doctors were in vain, " a sudden resurrection took place; and ifever a mule laughed with scornful triumph, that was the beast, as heleisurely rose, gave a comfortable shake, and calmly regarding theexcited crowd seemed to say--"A hit! a decided hit! for the stupidestof animals has bamboozled a dozen men. Now, then! what are you stoppingthe way for?" The pathetic mule was, perhaps, the most interesting ofall; for, though he always seemed to be the smallest, thinnest, weakestof the six, the postillion, with big boots, long-tailed coat, and heavywhip, was sure to bestride this one, who struggled feebly along, headdown, coat muddy and rough, eye spiritless and sad, his very tail amortified stump, and the whole beast a picture of meek misery, fit totouch a heart of stone. The jovial mule was a roly poly, happy-go-luckylittle piece of horse-flesh, taking everything easily, from cudgelingto caressing; strolling along with a roguish twinkle of the eye, and, if the thing were possible, would have had his hands in his pockets, and whistled as he went. If there ever chanced to be an apple core, astray turnip, or wisp of hay, in the gutter, this Mark Tapley was sureto find it, and none of his mates seemed to begrudge him his bite. Isuspected this fellow was the peacemaker, confidant and friend of allthe others, for he had a sort of"Cheer-up, -old-boy, -I'll-pull-you-through" look, which was exceedinglyengaging. 

Pigs also possessed attractions for me, never having had an opportunityof observing their graces of mind and manner, till I came toWashington, whose porcine citizens appeared to enjoy a larger libertythan many of its human ones. Stout, sedate looking pigs, hurried byeach morning to their places of business, with a preoccupied air, andsonorous greeting to their friends. Genteel pigs, with an extra curl totheir tails, promenaded in pairs, lunching here and there, likegentlemen of leisure. Rowdy pigs pushed the passers by off the sidewalk; tipsy pigs hiccoughed their version of "We wont go home tillmorning, " from the gutter; and delicate young pigs tripped daintilythrough the mud, as if, like "Mrs. Peerybingle, " they plumed themselvesupon their ankles, and kept themselves particularly neat in point ofstockings. Maternal pigs, with their interesting families, strolled byin the sun; and often the pink, baby-like squealers lay down for a nap, with a trust in Providence worthy of human imitation. 

But more interesting than officers, ladies, mules, or pigs, were mycolored brothers and sisters, because so unlike the respectable membersof society I'd known in moral Boston. 

Here was the genuine article--no, not the genuine article at all, wemust go to Africa for that--but the sort of creatures generations ofslavery have made them: obsequious, trickish, lazy and ignorant, yetkind-hearted, merry-tempered, quick to feel and accept the least tokenof the brotherly love which is slowly teaching the white hand to graspthe black, in this great struggle for the liberty of both the races. 

Having been warned not to be too rampant on the subject of slavery, assecesh principles flourished even under the respectable nose of FatherAbraham, I had endeavored to walk discreetly, and curb my unrulymember; looking about me with all my eyes, the while, and saving up theresult of my observations for future use. I had not been there a weekbefore the neglected, devil-may care expression in many of the facesabout me, seemed an urgent appeal to leave nursing white bodies, andtake some care for these black souls. Much as the lazy boys and saucygirls tormented me, I liked them, and found that any show of interestor friendliness brought out the better traits which live in the mostdegraded and forsaken of us all. I liked their cheerfulness, for thedreariest old hag, who scrubbed all day in that pestilential steam, gossipped and grinned all the way out, when night set her free fromdrudgery. The girls romped with their dusky sweethearts, or tossedtheir babies, with the tender pride that makes mother-love a beautifierto the homeliest face. The men and boys sang and whistled all day long;and often, as I held my watch, the silence of the night was sweetlybroken by some chorus from the street, full of real melody, whether thesong was of heaven, or of hoe-cakes; and, as I listened, I felt that wenever should doubt nor despair concerning a race which, through suchgriefs and wrongs, still clings to this good gift, and seems to solacewith it the patient hearts that wait and watch and hope until the end. 

I expected to have to defend myself from accusations of prejudiceagainst color; but was surprised to find things just the other way, anddaily shocked some neighbor by treating the blacks as I did the whites. The men would swear at the "darkies, " would put two gs into negro, andscoff at the idea of any good coming from such trash. The nurses werewilling to be served by the colored people, but seldom thanked them, never praised, and scarcely recognized them in the street; whereat theblood of two generations of abolitionists waxed hot in my veins, and, at the first opportunity, proclaimed itself, and asserted the right offree speech as doggedly as the irrepressible Folsom herself. 

Happening to catch up a funny little black baby, who was toddling aboutthe nurses' kitchen, one day, when I went down to make a mess for someof my men, a Virginia woman standing by elevated her most prominentfeatures, with a sniff of disapprobation, exclaiming:

"Gracious, Miss P. ! how can you? I've been here six months. And neverso much as touched the little toad with a poker. "

"More shame for you, ma'am, " responded Miss P. ; and, with the naturalperversity of a Yankee, followed up the blow by kissing "the toad, "with ardor. His face was providentially as clean and shiny as if hismamma had just polished it up with a corner of her apron and a dropfrom the tea-kettle spout, like old Aunt Chloe, This rash act, and theanti-slavery lecture that followed, while one hand stirred gruel forsick America, and the other hugged baby Africa, did not produce thecheering result which I fondly expected; for my comrade henceforthregarded me as a dangerous fanatic, and my protege nearly came to hisdeath by insisting on swarming up stairs to my room, on all occasions, and being walked on like a little black spider. 

I waited for New Year's day with more eagerness than I had ever knownbefore; and, though it brought me no gift, I felt rich in the act ofjustice so tardily performed toward some of those about me. As thebells rung midnight, I electrified my room-mate by dancing out of bed, throwing up the window, and flapping my handkerchief, with a feeblecheer, in answer to the shout of a group of colored men in the streetbelow. All night they tooted and tramped, fired crackers, sung "Glory, Hallelujah, " and took comfort, poor souls! in their own way. The skywas clear, the moon shone benignly, a mild wind blew across the river, and all good omens seemed to usher in the dawn of the day whosenoontide cannot now be long in coming. If the colored people had takenhands and danced around the White House, with a few cheers for the muchabused gentleman who has immortalized himself by one just act, noPresident could have had a finer levee, or one to be prouder of. 

While these sights and sounds were going on without, curious sceneswere passing within, and I was learning that one of the best methods offitting oneself to be a nurse in a hospital, is to be a patient there;for then only can one wholly realize what the men suffer and sigh for;how acts of kindness touch and win; how much or little we are to thoseabout us; and for the first time really see that in coming there wehave taken our lives in our hands, and may have to pay dearly for abrief experience. Every one was very kind; the attendants of my wardoften came up to report progress, to fill my wood box, or bringmessages and presents from my boys. The nurses took many steps withthose tired feet of theirs, and several came each evening, to chat overmy fire and make things cozy for the night. The doctors paid dailyvisits, tapped at my lungs to see if pneumonia was within, left doseswithout names, and went away, leaving me as ignorant, and much moreuncomfortable than when they came. Hours began to get confused; peoplelooked odd; queer faces haunted the room, and the nights were one longfight with weariness and pain. Letters from home grew anxious; thedoctors lifted their eyebrows, and nodded ominously; friends said"Don't stay, " and an internal rebellion seconded the advice; but thethree months were not out, and the idea of giving up so soon wasproclaiming a defeat before I was fairly routed; so to all "Don'tstays" I opposed "I wills, " till, one fine morning, a gray-headedgentleman rose like a welcome ghost on my hearth; and, at the sight ofhim, my resolution melted away, my heart turned traitor to my boys, and, when he said, "Come home, " I answered, "Yes, father;" and so endedmy career as an army nurse. 

I never shall regret the going, though a sharp tussle with typhoid, tendollars, and a wig, are all the visible results of the experiment; forone may live and learn much in a month. A good fit of illness provesthe value of health; real danger tries one's mettle; and self-sacrificesweetens character. Let no one who sincerely desires to help the workon in this way, delay going through any fear; for the worth of lifelies in the experiences that fill it, and this is one which cannot beforgotten. All that is best and bravest in the hearts of men and women, comes out in scenes like these; and, though a hospital is a roughschool, its lessons are both stern and salutary; and the humblest ofpupils there, in proportion to his faithfulness, learns a deeper faithin God and in himself. I, for one, would return tomorrow, on the"up-again, -and-take-another" principle, if I could; for the amount ofpleasure and profit I got out of that month compensates for all thepangs; and, though a sadly womanish feeling, I take some satisfactionin the thought that, if I could not lay my head on the altar of mycountry, I have my hair; and that is more than handsome Helen did forher dead husband, when she sacrificed only the ends of her ringlets onhis urn. Therefore, I close this little chapter of hospitalexperiences, with the regret that they were no better worth recording;and add the poetical gem with which I console myself for the untimelydemise of "Nurse Periwinkle:"

 Oh, lay her in a little pit, With a marble stone to cover it; And carve thereon a gruel spoon, To show a "nuss" has died too soon. 

CHAPTER VI

A POSTSCRIPT. 

My Dear S. :--As inquiries like your own have come to me from variousfriendly readers of the Sketches, I will answer them en masse and inprinted form, as a sort of postscript to what has gone before. One ofthese questions was, "Are there no services by hospital death-beds, oron Sundays?"

In most Hospitals I hope there are; in ours, the men died, and werecarried away, with as little ceremony as on a battle-field. The firstevent of this kind which I witnessed was so very brief, and bare ofanything like reverence, sorrow, or pious consolation, that I heartilyagreed with the bluntly expressed opinion of a Maine man lying next hiscomrade, who died with no visible help near him, but a compassionatewoman and a tender-hearted Irishman, who dropped upon his knees, andtold his beads, with Catholic fervor, for the good of his Protestantbrother's parting soul:

"If, after gettin' all the hard knocks, we are left to die this way, with nothing but a Paddy's prayers to help us, I guess Christians arerather scarce round Washington. "

I thought so too; but though Miss Blank, one of my mates, anxious thatsouls should be ministered to, as well as bodies, spoke more than onceto the Chaplain, nothing ever came of it. Unlike another Shepherd, whose earnest piety weekly purified the Senate Chamber, this man didnot feed as well as fold his flock, nor make himself a human symbol ofthe Divine Samaritan, who never passes by on the other side. 

I have since learned that our non-committal Chaplain had been aProfessor in some Southern College; and, though he maintained that hehad no secesh proclivities, I can testify that he seceded from hisministerial duties, I may say, skedaddled; for, being one of his ownwords, it is as appropriate as inelegant. He read Emerson, quotedCarlyle, and tried to be a Chaplain; but judging from his success, I amafraid he still hankered after the hominy pots of Rebeldom. 

Occasionally, on a Sunday afternoon, such of the nurses, officers, attendants, and patients as could avail themselves of it, were gatheredin the Ball Room, for an hour's service, of which the singing was thebetter part. To me it seemed that if ever strong, wise, and lovingwords were needed, it was then; if ever mortal man had living textsbefore his eyes to illustrate and illuminate his thought, it was there;and if ever hearts were prompted to devoutest self-abnegation, it wasin the work which brought us to anything but a Chapel of Ease. But somespiritual paralysis seemed to have befallen our pastor; for, thoughmany faces turned toward him, full of the dumb hunger that often comesto men when suffering or danger brings then nearer to the heart ofthings, they were offered the chaff of divinity, and its wheat was leftfor less needy gleaners, who knew where to look. Even the fine oldBible stories, which may be made as lifelike as any history of our day, by a vivid fancy and pictorial diction, were robbed of all their charmsby dry explanations and literal applications, instead of being usefuland pleasant lessons to those men, whom weakness had rendered as docileas children in a father's hands. 

I watched the listless countenances all about me, while a mild Danielwas moralizing in a den of utterly uninteresting lions; while Shadrach, Meshech, and Abednego were leisurely passing through the fiery furnace, where, I sadly feared, some of us sincerely wished they had remained aspermanencies; while the Temple of Solomon was laboriously erected, withminute descriptions of the process, and any quantity of bells andpomegranates on the raiment of the priests. Listless they were at thebeginning, and listless at the end; but the instant some stirring oldhymn was given out, sleepy eyes brightened, lounging figures sat erect, and many a poor lad rose up in his bed, or stretch an eager hand forthe book, while all broke out with a heartiness that proved thatsomewhere at the core of even the most abandoned, there still glowedsome remnant of the native piety that flows in music from the heart ofevery little child. Even the big rebel joined, and boomed away in athunderous bass, singing--

 "Salvation! let the echoes fly, "

as energetically as if he felt the need of a speedy execution of thecommand. 

That was the pleasantest moment of the hour, for then it seemed ahomelike and happy spot; the groups of men looking over one another'sshoulders as they sang; the few silent figures in the beds; here andthere a woman noiselessly performing some necessary duty, and singingas she worked; while in the arm chair standing in the midst, I placed, for my own satisfaction, the imaginary likeness of a certain faithfulpastor, who took all outcasts by the hand, smote the devil in whateverguise he came, and comforted the indigent in spirit with the bestwisdom of a great and tender heart, which still speaks to us from itsItalian grave. With that addition, my picture was complete; and I oftenlonged to take a veritable sketch of a Hospital Sunday, for, despiteits drawbacks, consisting of continued labor, the want of proper books, the barren preaching that bore no fruit, this day was never like theother six. 

True to their home training, our New England boys did their best tomake it what it should be. With many, there was much reading ofTestaments, humming over of favorite hymns, and looking at such booksas I could cull from a miscellaneous library. Some lay idle, slept, orgossiped; yet, when I came to them for a quiet evening chat, they oftentalked freely and well of themselves; would blunder out some timid hopethat their troubles might "do 'em good, and keep 'em stiddy;" wouldchoke a little, as they said good night, and turned their faces to thewall to think of mother, wife, or home, these human ties seeming to bethe most vital religion which they yet knew. I observed that some ofthem did not wear their caps on this day, though at other times theyclung to them like Quakers; wearing them in bed, putting them on toread the paper, eat an apple, or write a letter, as if, like a new sortof Samson, their strength lay, not in their hair, but in their hats. Many read no novels, swore less, were more silent, orderly, andcheerful, as if the Lord were an invisible Wardmaster, who went hisrounds but once a week, and must find all things at their best. I likedall this in the poor, rough boys, and could have found it in my heartto put down sponge and tea-pot, and preach a little sermon then andthere, while homesickness and pain had made these natures soft, thatsome good seed might be cast therein, to blossom and bear fruit here orhereafter. 

Regarding the admission of friends to nurse their sick, I can only say, it was not allowed at Hurly-burly House; though one indomitable parenttook my ward by storm, and held her position, in spite of doctors, matron, and Nurse Periwinkle. Though it was against the rules, thoughthe culprit was an acid, frost-bitten female, though the young manwould have done quite as well without her anxious fussiness, and thewhole room-full been much more comfortable, there was something soirresistible in this persistent devotion, that no one had the heart tooust her from her post. She slept on the floor, without uttering acomplaint; bore jokes somewhat of the rudest; fared scantily, thoughher basket was daily filled with luxuries for her boy; and tended thatpetulant personage with a never-failing patience beautiful to see. 

I feel a glow of moral rectitude in saying this of her; for, though aperfect pelican to her young, she pecked and cackled (I don't know thatpelicans usually express their emotions in that manner, ) mostobstreperously, when others invaded her premises; and led me a wearylife, with "George's tea-rusks, " "George's foot bath, " "George'smeasles, " and "George's mother;" till after a sharp passage of arms andtongues with the matron, she wrathfully packed up her rusks, her son, and herself, and departed, in an ambulance, scolding to the very last. 

This is the comic side of the matter. The serious one is harder todescribe; for the presence, however brief, of relations and friends bythe bedside of the dead or dying, is always a trial to the bystanders. They are not near enough to know how best to comfort, yet too near toturn their backs upon the sorrow that finds its only solace inlistening to recitals of last words, breathed into nurse's ears, orreceiving the tender legacies of love and longing bequeathed throughthem. 

To me, the saddest sight I saw in that sad place, was the spectacle ofa grey-haired father, sitting hour after hour by his son, dying fromthe poison of his wound. The old father, hale and hearty; the youngson, past all help, though one could scarcely believe it; for thesubtle fever, burning his strength away, flushed his cheeks with color, filled his eyes with lustre, and lent a mournful mockery of health toface and figure, making the poor lad comelier in death than in life. His bed was not in my ward; but I was often in and out, and for a dayor two, the pair were much together, saying little, but looking much. The old man tried to busy himself with book or pen, that his presencemight not be a burden; and once when he sat writing, to the anxiousmother at home, doubtless, I saw the son's eyes fix upon his face, witha look of mingled resignation and regret, as if endeavoring to teachhimself to say cheerfully the long good bye. And again, when the sonslept, the father watched him as he had himself been watched; andthough no feature of his grave countenance changed, the rough hand, smoothing the lock of hair upon the pillow, the bowed attitude of thegrey head, were more pathetic than the loudest lamentations. The sondied; and the father took home the pale relic of the life he gave, offering a little money to the nurse, as the only visible return it wasin his power to make her; for though very grateful, he was poor. Ofcourse, she did not take it, but found a richer compensation in the oldman's earnest declaration:

"My boy couldn't have been better cared for if he'd been at home; andGod will reward you for it, though I can't. "

My own experiences of this sort began when my first man died. He hadscarcely been removed, when his wife came in. Her eye went straight tothe well-known bed; it was empty; and feeling, yet not believing thehard truth, she cried out, with a look I never shall forget:

"Why, where's Emanuel?"

I had never seen her before, did not know her relationship to the manwhom I had only nursed for a day, and was about to tell her he wasgone, when McGee, the tender-hearted Irishman before mentioned, brushedby me with a cheerful--"It's shifted to a better bed he is, Mrs. Connel. Come out, dear, till I show ye;" and, taking her gently by thearm, he led her to the matron, who broke the heavy tidings to the wife, and comforted the widow. 

Another day, running up to my room for a breath of fresh air and a fiveminutes rest after a disagreeable task, I found a stout young womansitting on my bed, wearing the miserable look which I had learned toknow by that time. Seeing her, reminded me that I had heard of someone's dying in the night, and his sister's arriving in the morning. This must be she, I thought. I pitied her with all my heart. What couldI say or do? Words always seem impertinent at such times; I did notknow the man; the woman was neither interesting in herself nor gracefulin her grief; yet, having known a sister's sorrow myself, I could havenot leave her alone with her trouble in that strange place, without aword. So, feeling heart-sick, home-sick, and not knowing what else todo, I just put my arms about her, and began to cry in a very helplessbut hearty way; for, as I seldom indulge in this moist luxury, I liketo enjoy it with all my might, when I do. 

It so happened I could not have done a better thing; for, though not aword was spoken, each felt the other's sympathy; and, in the silence, our handkerchiefs were more eloquent than words. She soon sobbedherself quiet; and leaving her on my bed, I went back to work, feelingmuch refreshed by the shower, though I'd forgotten to rest, and hadwashed my face instead of my hands. I mention this successfulexperience as a receipt proved and approved, for the use of any nursewho may find herself called upon to minister to these wounds of theheart. They will find it more efficacious than cups of tea, smelling-bottles, psalms, or sermons; for a friendly touch and acompanionable cry, unite the consolations of all the rest forwomankind; and, if genuine, will be found a sovereign cure for thefirst sharp pang so many suffer in these heavy times. 

I am gratified to find that my little Sergeant has found favor inseveral quarters, and gladly respond to sundry calls for news of him, though my personal knowledge ended five months ago. Next to my goodJohn--I hope the grass is green above him, far away there inVirginia!--I placed the Sergeant on my list of worthy boys; and manyjovial chat have I enjoyed with the merry-hearted lad, who had a fancyfor fun, when his poor arm was dressed. While Dr. P. Poked andstrapped, I brushed the remains of the Sergeant's brown mane--shornsorely against his will--and gossiped with all my might, the boy makingodd faces, exclamations, and appeals, when nerves got the better ofnonsense, as they sometimes did:

"I'd rather laugh than cry, when I must sing out anyhow, so just saythat bit from Dickens again, please, and I'll stand it like a man. " Hedid; for "Mrs. Cluppins, " "Chadband, " and "Sam Weller, " always helpedhim through; thereby causing me to lay another offering of love andadmiration on the shrine of the god of my idolatry, though he does weartoo much jewelry and talk slang. 

The Sergeant also originated, I believe, the fashion of calling hisneighbors by their afflictions instead of their names; and I was rathertaken aback by hearing them bandy remarks of this sort, with perfectgood humor and much enjoyment of the new game. 

"Hallo, old Fits is off again!" "How are you, Rheumatiz?" "Will youtrade apples, Ribs?" "I say, Miss P. May I give Typus a drink of this?""Look here, No Toes, lend us a stamp, there's a good feller, " etc. Hehimself was christened "Baby B. , " because he tended his arm on a littlepillow, and called it his infant. 

Very fussy about his grub was Sergeant B. , and much trotting ofattendants was necessary when he partook of nourishment. Anything moreirresistibly wheedlesome I never saw, and constantly found myselfindulging him, like the most weak-minded parent, merely for thepleasure of seeing his blue eyes twinkle, his merry mouth break into asmile, and his one hand execute a jaunty little salute that wasentirely captivating. I am afraid that Nurse P. Damaged her dignity, frolicking with this persuasive young gentleman, though done for hiswell being. But "boys will be boys, " is perfectly applicable to thecase; for, in spite of years, sex and the "prunes-and-prisms" doctrinelaid down for our use, I have a fellow feeling for lads, and alwaysowed Fate a grudge because I wasn't a lord of creation instead of alady. 

Since I left, I have heard, from a reliable source, that my Sergeanthas gone home; therefore, the small romance that budded the first day Isaw him, has blossomed into its second chapter, and I now imagine"dearest Jane" filling my place, tending the wounds I tended, brushingthe curly jungle I brushed, loving the excellent little youth I loved, and eventually walking altarward, with the Sergeant stumping gallantlyat her side. If she doesn't do all this, and no end more, I'll neverforgive her; and sincerely pray to the guardian saint of lovers, that"Baby B. " may prosper in his wooing, and his name be long in the land. 

One of the lively episodes of hospital life, is the frequent marchingaway of such as are well enough to rejoin their regiments, or betakethemselves to some convalescent camp. The ward master comes to the doorof each room that is to be thinned, reads off a list of names, bidstheir owners look sharp and be ready when called for; and, as hevanishes, the rooms fall into an indescribable state oftopsy-turvyness, as the boys begin to black their boots, brightenspurs, if they have them, overhaul knapsacks, make presents; are fittedout with needfuls, and--well, why not?--kissed sometimes, as they say, good-bye; for in all human probability we shall never meet again, and awoman's heart yearns over anything that has clung to her for help andcomfort. I never liked these breakings-up of my little household:though my short stay showed me but three. I was immensely gratified bythe hand shakes I got, for their somewhat painful cordiality assured methat I had not tried in vain. The big Prussian rumbled out hisunintelligible adieux, with a grateful face and a premonitory smooth ofhis yellow mustache, but got no farther, for some one else stepped up, with a large brown hand extended, and this recommendation of our veryfaulty establishment:

"We're off, ma'am, and I'm powerful sorry, for I'd no idea a 'orspittlewas such a jolly place. Hope I'll git another ball somewheres easy, soI'll come back, and be took care on again. Mean, ain't it?"

I didn't think so, but the doctrine of inglorious ease was not theright one to preach up, so I tried to look shocked, failed signally, and consoled myself by giving him the fat pincushion he had admired asthe "cutest little machine agoin. " Then they fell into line in front ofthe house, looking rather wan and feeble, some of them, but trying tostep out smartly and march in good order, though half the knapsackswere carried by the guard, and several leaned on sticks instead ofshouldering guns. All looked up and smiled, or waved heir hands andtouched their caps, as they passed under our windows down the longstreet, and so away, some to their homes in this world, and some tothat in the next; and, for the rest of the day, I felt like Rachelmourning for her children, when I saw the empty beds and missed thefamiliar faces. 

You ask if nurses are obliged to witness amputations and such matters, as a part of their duty? I think not, unless they wish; for the patientis under the effects of ether, and needs no care but such as thesurgeons can best give. Our work begins afterward, when the poor soulcomes to himself, sick, faint, and wandering; full of strange pains andconfused visions, of disagreeable sensations and sights. Then we mustsooth and sustain, tend and watch; preaching and practicing patience, till sleep and time have restored courage and self-control. 

I witnessed several operations; for the height of my ambition was to goto the front after a battle, and feeling that the sooner I inuredmyself to trying sights, the more useful I should be. Several of mymates shrunk from such things; for though the spirit was whollywilling, the flesh was inconveniently weak. One funereal lady came totry her powers as a nurse; but, a brief conversation eliciting thefacts that she fainted at the sight of blood, was afraid to watchalone, couldn't possibly take care of delirious persons, was nervousabout infections, and unable to bear much fatigue, she was mildlydismissed. I hope she found her sphere, but fancy a comfortable bandboxon a high shelf would best meet the requirements of her case. 

Dr. Z. Suggested that I should witness a dissection; but I neveraccepted his invitations, thinking that my nerves belonged to theliving, not to the dead, and I had better finish my education as anurse before I began that of a surgeon. But I never met the little manskipping through the hall, with oddly shaped cases in his hand, and anabsorbed expression of countenance, without being sure that a selectparty of surgeons were at work in the dead house, which idea was arather trying one, when I knew the subject was some person whom I hadnursed and cared for. 

But this must not lead any one to suppose that the surgeons werewillfully hard or cruel, though one of them remorsefully confided to methat he feared his profession blunted his sensibilities, and perhaps, rendered him indifferent to the sight of pain. 

I am inclined to think that in some cases it does; for, though acapital surgeon and a kindly man, Dr. P. , through long acquaintancewith many of the ills flesh is heir to, had acquired a somewhat tryinghabit of regarding a man and his wound as separate institutions, andseemed rather annoyed that the former should express any opinion uponthe latter, or claim any right in it, while under his care. He had away of twitching off a bandage, and giving a limb a comprehensive sortof clutch, which though no doubt entirely scientific, was ratherstartling than soothing, and highly objectionable as a means ofpreparing nerves for any fresh trial. He also expected the patient toassist in small operations, as he considered them, and to restrain alldemonstrations during the process. 

"Here, my man, just hold it this way, while I look into it a bit, " hesaid one day to Fitz G. , putting a wounded arm into the keeping of asound one, and proceeding to poke about among bits of bone and visiblemuscles, in a red and black chasm made by some infernal machine of theshot or shell description. Poor Fitz held on like a grim Death, ashamedto show fear before a woman, till it grew more than he could bear insilence; and, after a few smothered groans, he looked at meimploringly, as if he said, "I wouldn't, ma'am, if I could help it, "and fainted quietly away. 

Dr. P. Looked up, gave a compassionate sort of cluck, and poked awaymore busily than ever, with a nod at me and a brief--"Never mind; be sogood as to hold this till I finish. "

I obeyed, cherishing the while a strong desire to insinuate a few ofhis own disagreeable knives and scissors into him, and see how he likedit. A very disrespectful and ridiculous fancy of course; for he wasdoing all that could be done, and the arm prospered finely in hishands. But the human mind is prone to prejudice; and though apersonable man, speaking French like a born "Parley voo, " and whippingoff legs like an animated guillotine, I must confess to a sense ofrelief when he was ordered elsewhere; and suspect that several of themen would have faced a rebel battery with less trepidation than theydid Dr. P. , when he came briskly in on his morning round. 

As if to give us the pleasures of contrast, Dr. Z. Succeeded him, who, I think, suffered more in giving pain than did his patients in enduringit; for he often paused to ask: "Do I hurt you?" and seeing hissolicitude, the boys invariably answered: "Not much; go ahead, Doctor, "though the lips that uttered this amiable fib might be white with painas they spoke. Over the dressing of some of the wounds, we used tocarry on conversations upon subjects foreign to the work in hand, thatthe patient might forget himself in the charms of our discourse. Christmas eve was spent in this way; the Doctor strapping the littleSergeant's arm, I holding the lamp, while all three laughed and talked, as if anywhere but in a hospital ward; except when the chat was brokenby a long-drawn "Oh!" from "Baby B. , " an abrupt request from the Doctorto "Hold the lamp a little higher, please, " or an encouraging, "Mostthrough, Sergeant, " from Nurse P. 

The chief Surgeon, Dr. O. , I was told, refused the higher salary, greater honor, and less labor, of an appointment to the Officer'sHospital, round the corner, that he might serve the poor fellows atHurly-burly House, or go to the front, working there day and night, among the horrors that succeed the glories of a battle. I liked that somuch, that the quiet, brown-eyed Doctor was my especial admiration; andwhen my own turn came, had more faith in him than in all the rest puttogether, although he did advise me to go home, and authorize theconsumption of blue pills. 

Speaking of the surgeons reminds me that, having found all manner offault, it becomes me to celebrate the redeeming feature of Hurly-burlyHouse. I had been prepared by the accounts of others, to expect muchhumiliation of spirit from the surgeons, and to be treated by them likea door-mat, a worm, or any other meek and lowly article, whose missionit is to be put down and walked upon; nurses being considered as mereservants, receiving the lowest pay, and, it's my private opinion, doingthe hardest work of any part of the army, except the mules. Great, therefore, was my surprise, when I found myself treated with the utmostcourtesy and kindness. Very soon my carefully prepared meekness waslaid upon the shelf; and, going from one extreme to the other, I morethan once expressed a difference of opinion regarding sundry messes itwas my painful duty to administer. 

As eight of us nurses chanced to be off duty at once, we had anexcellent opportunity of trying the virtues of these gentlemen; and Iam bound to say they stood the test admirably, as far as my personalobservation went. Dr. O. 's stethoscope was unremitting in itsattentions; Dr. S. Brought his buttons into my room twice a day, withthe regularity of a medical clock; while Dr. Z. Filled my table withneat little bottles, which I never emptied, prescribed Browning, bedewed me with Cologne, and kept my fire going, as if, like thecandles in St. Peter's, it must never be permitted to die out. Waking, one cold night, with the certainty that my last spark had pined awayand died, and consequently hours of coughing were in store for me, Iwas amazed to see a ruddy light dancing on the wall, a jolly blazeroaring up the chimney, and, down upon his knees before it, Dr. Z. , whittling shavings. I ought to have risen up and thanked him on thespot; but, knowing that he was one of those who like to do good bystealth, I only peeped at him as if he were a friendly ghost; till, having made things as cozy as the most motherly of nurses could havedone, he crept away, leaving me to feel, as somebody says, "as ifangels were a watching of me in my sleep;" though that species of wildfowl do not usually descend in broadcloth and glasses. I afterwardsdiscovered that he split the wood himself on that cool Januarymidnight, and went about making or mending fires for the poor oldladies in their dismal dens; thus causing himself to be felt--a brightand shining light in more ways than one. I never thanked him as Iought; therefore, I publicly make a note of it, and further aggravatethat modest M. D. By saying that if this was not being the best ofdoctors and the gentlest of gentlemen, I shall be happy to see anyimprovement upon it. 

To such as wish to know where these scenes took place, I mustrespectfully decline to answer; for Hurly-burly House has ceased toexist as a hospital; so let it rest, with all its sins upon itshead, --perhaps I should say chimney top. When the nurses felt ill, thedoctors departed, and the patients got well, I believe the concerngently faded from existence, or was merged into some other and betterestablishment, where I hope the washing of three hundred sick people isdone out of the house, the food is eatable, and mortal women are notexpected to possess an angelic exemption from all wants, and theendurance of truck horses. 

Since the appearance of these hasty Sketches, I have heard from severalof my comrades at the Hospital; and their approval assures me that Ihave not let sympathy and fancy run away with me, as that lively teamis apt to do when harnessed to a pen. As no two persons see the samething with the same eyes, my view of hospital life must be takenthrough my glass, and held for what it is worth. Certainly, nothing wasset down in malice, and to the serious-minded party who objected to atone of levity in some portions of the Sketches, I can only say that itis a part of my religion to look well after the cheerfulnesses of life, and let the dismals shift for themselves; believing, with good SirThomas More, that it is wise to "be merrie in God. "

The next hospital I enter will, I hope, be one for the coloredregiments, as they seem to be proving their right to the admiration andkind offices of their white relations, who owe them so large a debt, alittle part of which I shall be so proud to pay. 

Yours, With a firm faith In the good time coming, TRIBULATION PERIWINKLE.