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THE CONFESSIONS OF AN ETONIAN. 

by

I. E. M. 

LondonSaunders and Otley, Conduit Street. 1846. 

"To preserve the past is half of immortality. "

D'ISRAELI THE ELDER. 

PREFACE. 

The author is anxious to request any person who may meet with thistrifling volume to bear in mind that it contains the memoir of anunworthy member of the place to which it alludes--that many years havenow elapsed since he quitted the spot where its regulations withregard to education have been as much altered as improved. For Eton!"my heart is thine though my shadow falls on a distant land. " Butshould these pages influence the judgment of any mistaken butwell-meaning parent, as to his son's future destination, the writerwill hope that he has not exposed himself in vain. 

THE CONFESSIONS OF AN ETONIAN. 

BOOK THE FIRST. 

CHAPTER I. 

"Here's Harry crying!" And on the instant, my brother awoke the elderones to witness and enjoy the astounding truth. 

"What makes you think that?" I replied, in as resolute a tone as athroat choking with anguish would admit of. 

"Why, you're crying now, " added another brother; "I see the tearsshining in the moonlight. "

"Only a little, " I at length admitted; and, satisfied with theconcession, my numerous brethren composed themselves once more tosleep in the corners of the carriage, on their way to Eton, leaving myeldest brother's pointer and myself at the bottom, to our ownreflections As for old Carlo, his still and regular breathing evincedthat his mind was as easy and comfortable as his body, sagaciouslysatisfying himself with the evil of the day as it passed over him. Here Carlo had the advantage of me, --I anticipated the morrow. Strangeand boisterous school-boys, tight-pantalooned ushers, with menacingcanes, were, to my yet unsophisticated mind, anything but agreeablesubjects for a reverie, and I felt proportionately doleful; I turnedmy thoughts on the past, and I was very miserable. 

I now learnt that I had been happy, and, for the first time, appreciated that happiness. The hours of this long, weary day hadappeared to be as many months; and when I ruminated on former scenes, and their dear little events, I sighed in bitterness, "What a time agoall this seems!" And as I peered up at the moon from my abyss throughthe window, my eyes unconsciously swam with tears, when I reflectedthat, if at home, I should at this moment be taking tea with my dearnurse, Lucy, and my sister's governess, just before I went to bed. 

I had now bid an eternal farewell to, doubtless, by far thedearest, --happiest period of our existence, the dawn of life'sday--that enviable time when "we have no lessons;" when the coltpresses, with his unshod foot, the fresh and verdant meadow, while hewonders at the team toiling under a noontide sun, over the parchedand arid fallow in the distance. 

This, then, was my first lesson of experience; and on reflection, perhaps many of us will agree that, after all the vaunted troubles andanxieties incident to manhood, few surpass in intensity andhopelessness the sad separation from home for a detested school; it isreal and wringing anguish, though, fortunately, like flayed eels, weeventually become inured to it. 

I now went through, for three years at a private school, the usualroutine of punishment and bullying preparatory for Eton; and as thesewere of the ordinary kind, I will at once omit this epoch of my life, and commence with my _debût_ at that great capital of England'sschools. 

It may not be out of place to give here a slight and rapid sketch ofthe scene to which these immediate pages are confined, as well as ofother matters connected with it. 

Every one knows where Windsor is, and that Eton was separated from itby the Thames, until united by Windsor Bridge. But, with regard to thelatter town, there may be some confusion, for it is divided into Eton, and Eton proper. This last will hereafter be distinguished as"College, " and is situated about half a mile from the bridge, to whichit is connected by the town. 

"College, " I think, may be said to comprehend "the school-yard, " thesuburbs, and "the playing fields. "

"The school-yard" is a spacious and respectable quadrangle; the upperschool, the church, the cloisters, and long chamber, each respectivelyforming a side of it. In the centre is placed the statue of thefounder, Henry VI. 

"The upper school" is placed over an arched cloister, and anominous-looking region, in which, I suspect, is the magazine of birch. The school is nothing more than an extensive room, with its floorlined with fixed forms, and the wainscot with sculptured namesinnumerable. One is guilty of a sad omission should he quit Etonwithout giving a crown to Cartland to perpetuate his name on theimmortal oak. Perhaps the loss of few olden records would be moredeplored than its destruction, for here are registered many of Eton'sworthiest sons; C. I. FOX, as in after life, is here pre-eminent. Adjoining the upper end is another room, called "the library, " inwhich there is not a book, but there is "the block, " which speaksvolumes; and as a library may, by a little forcing, be defined to be achamber set apart for the acquirement of learning, this room is not, perhaps, misnamed. 

This block is a very simple machine--merely a couple of steps. Thevictim places his knees on the lower, and his elbows on the upperstep; but if the reader will thus place himself in his imagination, he will enter more immediately into the spirit of the thing. 

In front of him he sees a couple of little collegers, to hold asidethe skirts of his coat. On his left is Keate, like Jupiter about tohurl his thunderbolt; on his right "the birch cupboard;" and though hecan see nothing, he has little doubt of what is in his rear, theinstant he is operated on. "Neither intemperance nor old age hae, ingout or rheumatic, an agony to compare wi' a weel-laid-on whack of thetawse, on a part that for manners shall be nameless. "

The church, though not very remarkable for its dimensions, may bestyled a handsome and venerable Gothic edifice; simple and regular, with its sides supported by deep and lofty buttresses, the recesses ofwhich form the boys' "fives-walls. "

The cloisters form another small quadrangle. Over them are built thecomfortable dwellings of the "College fellows, " and "the Collegelibrary, " which is somewhat more appropriately furnished than thatjust described. 

The Fellows have each been boys on the foundation, having beenelected, according to seniority, to King's College, Cambridge, fromwhence they have been re-elected Fellows of Eton. 

"Long chamber" is long enough to contain nearly the whole of thecollegers, or boys on the foundation, whose complement I conjecture tobe about seventy. This is a region of which I can give but anuncertain description, for few "Oppidans" cared to venture in. When Idid, it was to be tossed in a blanket, so that, though elevated, mysurvey was hasty and superficial; but I suspect that the entirefurniture to which a colleger lays claim, is his bed and bureau, tables and chairs being here as much out of keeping (if they could bekept at all) as at Stonehenge. _En passant_--this tossing was apastime replete with the sublime and awful. That their efforts mightbe simultaneous, those who held the blanket, and they were legion, made use of the following neat hexameter:

 "Ibis ab excusso, missus ab astra, sago. "

And you go with a vengeance. "You shall fly from the quiveringblanket, despatched to the stars. " The suspense was fearful whileawaiting the utterance of the ultimate syllable--how perfectly andpermanently have I acquired this pithy verse!

The floor is polished once a year on Election Friday, by "rug-riding. "This is accomplished by rolling a fellow up in a counterpane, hereproperly called a rug. To either end of him is attached a rope, towhich five or six boys are harnessed. The floor is now well smearedwith tallow-grease, over which the warm mummy, rendered still hotterby friction, is now drawn with delightful velocity. The polish thusobtained is admirable, and but the slightest flavour of grease lingersuntil the ensuing election. 

The suburbs form a small town, composed of a few large andindispensable shops, together with the houses of the masters anddames, at whose houses the boys, not on the foundation, and who aredenominated "oppidans, " board and lodge. 

"The playing-fields" are very extensive, and subdivided into theplaying-fields, "upper-shooting-fields, " and "lower-shooting-fields. "The two latter are separated from the former by "poet's-walk, " alovely little peninsula, with an avenue of lime-trees running throughits entire length. 

The shooting-fields are appropriated solely to cricket, and in winterare "out of bounds. " The playing-fields are open for foot-ball in thewinter, and for fighting all the year round. The whole is mostbeautifully situated on the banks of the Thames, with the Little Parkand Windsor Castle on the opposite side. In addition, it is lined andstudded with the stateliest and most gigantic elms in England. 

These three divisions, the school-yard, suburbs, and playing-fields, form in theory "the bounds, " which in practice are boundless, anEtonian's movements being curbed by time, rather than by space. 

Eton, at its foundation, was a charity-school for seventy boys. Intime, it received other pupils. The original ones are collegers, whoare distinguished by a coarse black gown; the latter are oppidans, literally meaning "town-boys. " The former may not wear white trowsers, and all are debarred boots, and black or coloured neckcloths. 

Collegers are dieted solely on mutton; hence they are familiarly andvulgarly termed "mutton-tugs, " abbreviated to "tugs, " which homelymonosyllable they themselves derive from _togati_, on account of theirwearing the _toga_--had they not better trace their origin at oncefrom that mysterious and secret society of the Thugs of India? Buttheir internal economy should be treated with diffidence, for betweenthem and the oppidans there was ever an undefined, though "great gulffixed. " Owing to this, there is a difficulty in deciding how much, ifany, of the following incident may be authentic. As asserted above, they were confined to mutton, the whole mutton, and nothing but themutton, until the humane, but late Mr. Godolphin bequeathed a sum ofmoney, to be appropriated in supplying them with potatoes, whichhenceforth accompanied the mutton, though in a state of nature; andas this was not contrary to the statute, and as in all charities aslittle is done for the money as is possible, the poor boys and theirpotatoes were without remedy, until one of the College Fellows kindlybequeathed an annuity towards extricating them from their dilemma. Hehas ever since been appropriately immortalized as "Pealipo Roberts. "

Each boy has a tutor, who is one of the masters, of whom there areabout thirteen. Their chief occupation is in correcting, andexplaining the errors of their pupils' exercises. At the period nowspoken of, the school consisted of six hundred and twenty boys, probably the greatest number it had hitherto attained. Each master'shouse is generally filled with boarders. 

The "dames" are boarding-houses, mostly kept by clergymen's widows, orwidows of some sort; there are also about thirteen of these. 

Assistant masters are professors of French, mathematics, writing, anddancing; but they are altogether independent of the college, and aretaken or not at the will of the parents. 

There is another class of assistant masters, and these are the Cads. They are the professors of shooting, rowing, and cricket, and havemany pupils. The most leading characters among them were Jack Hall, Lary Miller, Pickey Powell, and Jemmy Flowers; but with regard to thelatter there existed a slight odium, owing to his religious tenets--hewas suspected of Mahometanism. Lary Miller ever asserted hisconviction, that "Jemmy was a Maho-maiden, having surprised him oneevening in the Brocas, lying on his stomach, worshipping a very largemushroom. " Making due allowance for Lary's notorious veracity, and forJemmy Flowers' religious inebriety, still the circumstance of amushroom, and that a large one, flourishing on the Brocas, must everthrow a strong air of improbability over this assertion. 

There is a holiday on every red-lettered saint's-day in the calendar;when this, or no other excuse occurs, it is termed "a regular week, "when Tuesday is a whole holiday, Thursday half an one, and Saturdaythree-quarters. 

The longest period of time a boy uninterruptedly enjoys to himself maybe said to comprise two hours, commencing each time at twelve, four, and six o'clock, on whole and half holidays; and these periods aredesignated by the never-to-be-forgotten sounds of "after twelve, ""after four, " and "after six. "

"Whole school days" affect this arrangement but little, the differencebeing, that on holidays, they are separated from each other, byattendance on absence, and church; and on whole school-days, byschool-times, of which there are four, commencing each at eight, eleven, three, and five o'clock. 

The boys learn all their lessons, and do their exercises, in their ownrooms, going into school to say or construe them. One school-timeoccupies about three-quarters of an hour. 

The whole school is divided into six forms, of which the sixth ranksthe highest. This, and the fifth form, comprise about half the numberof boys, for whom the lower half fag. An upper boy may fag a lower oneto Windsor, or anywhere else. 

Though the river be out of bounds, half of the boys dedicatethemselves to boating during the summer. The extent and main object oftheir expedition is "Surly Hall, " a notorious public-house, threemiles up the river from Windsor Bridge. Surly Hall may be said to beappropriated to the Etonians, and here they rest themselves. I neverrecollect one boy guilty of intoxication at this place. 

There are two grand aquatic processions every year up to this SurlyHall--on the 4th of June, George the Third's birth-day; and onElection Saturday, towards the end of July. They are beautifulgala-days, when eight or ten long-boats are rowed by their crews incostume, accompanied by a couple of military bands; swarms of nobilityand gentry come from London to enjoy them, some person of peculiarrank being "the sitter" in the leading boat; but boating is notallowed. 

"Montem, " so called, perhaps, from the ceremony of a boy flourishing aflag on a small mount, occurs every third year, when the upper boysare dressed as officers, and the fags, resembling sailors, in whitetrowsers and blue jackets. Thus they are obliged to expose themselvesto a multitude, while they walk to Salt Hill, where they dine. As anEton boy, I have witnessed four Montems, and could never think of eachbut as a ridiculous, tedious, and detestable performance; the onlygood resulting is, that the captain of the collegers receives severalhundreds of pounds, which are collected from the crowd by othercollegers in fancy dresses, and denominated "salt-bearers, " and"runners, " who dun high and low for "salt. "

CHAPTER II. 

"How old are you, Graham?" asked my future tutor. 

"Nine, if you please, sir. "

"Can you do sense-verses?"

"No, sir, only nonsense ones. "

"Well, you are placed in the upper Greek; be in eight-o'clock-schoolto-morrow. Graham, " calling me back, "take this order to thebook-seller, and he will give you the requisite school-books. It isGreek grammar in the morning; get a boy to show you where the lessonis. You may go. "

So soon as I had procured the books, I peeped into the Greek grammar, which struck me as being an interesting-looking book, for hitherto, Ihad never even seen a Greek letter. I went to my Dames, where I foundTyrrel _ma_, and Kennedy, who shared my room, playing at battledore. 

"You don't care for the row, Graham, do you?" asked Tyrrel, after theyhad played half an hour, and observing that I looked a littlepuzzled. 

"Oh, that makes no difference, " I sighed, "but this Greek is such oddstuff, and I don't know a letter in the alphabet except the four firstones. Can you give us a help?"

After a lengthened debate among us, the only apparent chance for mewas, that the lesson should be written out in English letters, so thatwhen I repeated it, I should appear to know my lesson. This, Tyrrelgood-naturedly effected for me. 

At eight o'clock, then, the next morning, in due routine, I approachedthe master in his desk, under the same superstitious awe as poorFriday, when he cowered before the august Crusoe. I would not havefailed in my performance for worlds, and now entered the desk resolvedon acquitting myself to perfection. 

My ardour was not slightly damped when, on uttering a few words, themaster, with a frown, demanded why I had not commenced where theprevious boy had left off. 

"I thought, sir, that I was to begin at the beginning. "

"What business have you to think?"

Commencing, then, as he directed me, I had no sooner recited fourlines, than he ordered me to "go. "

"That's not all, if you please, sir. "

"It's quite enough for me; go. "

So I went, under the painful suspicion that I had failed, and was tobe punished accordingly. I was not yet aware that the succeeding boywent on with the lesson where his predecessor had left off; and whenhe had said his three or four lines, he likewise was dismissed, and soon--it being taken for granted, that the boy knew the remainder of thetask; but this extreme innocence of mine, when I informed the masterthat I had not accomplished the whole lesson, is not a little amusing, when compared to my future career, was it not for the remorse a man ofcrime might feel when he reverts his thoughts to a time ere he hadtransgressed. At that time I should have acted similarly under everycircumstance; I intended well. 

"Now let us go to breakfast, " said Kennedy, as I returned to the room. 

"Will you fellows get it ready, and make the tea, " asked Tyrrel, "while I go and lay breakfast for my master?" Kennedy and myself wereas yet exempt from that duty for a fortnight, which is the privilegegranted to each new comer. 

"What a lucky fellow I am, " said Tyrrel, on his return, "to have youtwo in my mess, with your new set of tea-things, and a double set, too! If we manage well, they'll last us easily to the holidays. Tillyou came, I was obliged to slip into other fellows' rooms, and sharpa cup of tea. Now, let us regularly lock up everything in mycupboard, for it's quite empty; how comfortable we shall be; and yourpictures, Kennedy, make the room look so nice!"

"And what beautiful frames they have!" I observed. 

"The frames and glasses, " replied Kennedy, "were a present for thoseviews about home, which a sister sketched for me. "

"What shall we do after twelve?" asked Tyrrel. 

"Can't we go out in a boat?"

It was soon arranged that Kennedy and Tyrrel should play at cricket, and that I should stay in to work at my Greek, of which another lessonoccurred at five-o'clock-school. At two o'clock, the trio met atdinner; after which we proceeded to our room, where, soon as weentered, Kennedy beheld each of his drawings rifled of their glasses, which lay shivered to pieces beneath them on the floor. 

Gregory _mi_ had, in an unlucky moment, lounged into the room with alittle cross-bow, and had practised his skill on each in succession. 

"Never mind, Kennedy, " said Tyrrel, "they must have been broken onetime or another. "

I now proceeded unwarily enough to the cloisters, where I thought Imight puzzle out my hieroglyphical task more in quiet. 

"I say, my little man, you must come and bowl to me. "

"I've got my lesson to learn, " I replied. 

"When do you say it?" inquired the fifth-form boy; and finding that itwas not required till five o'clock, and discrediting my singulardifficulty, which I stated to him, he at once took me away, notwithstanding that, as a saving clause, I asserted the privilege dueto a boy's first fortnight, but which, I was now told, should notavail me for having told such a falsehood about the lesson. In thefollowing schooltime I was, of course, "put in the bill, " but was notflogged, in consequence of pleading my "first fault, " another and toofleeting privilege of a new boy. 

On returning to my room in the evening, I found my two friends lookingunutterable things, while around them lay, "like leaves in wint'ryweather, " the fragments of our prided crockery ware!

In our absence, a boy, well knowing what he was about, had come to thecupboard to sharp some tea-things, but finding, to his disappointment, that it was locked, he was yet determined that we should not escapehim. The whole was unfortunately suspended, by a bit of rope, to alarge nail in the wall; this, then, he had maliciously cut, and theresult had proved fatal to the whole "double set of tea-things, " withthe exception of a pewter salt-cellar. "Well, they must have beenbroken, one time or another, " archly remarked Kennedy. 

A very few days had elapsed before I had become a genuine Etonian, which a boy is never accounted until he has been once flogged. Notwithstanding my respect of that honourable title, I was still veryunwilling to purchase it so dearly. I had an inclination for forming myown opinion upon matters, somewhat independently of others; and though, in the lower part of the school, to be put in the bill, and sufferaccordingly, carried with it anything but a reflection towards thesubject of it, still, for reasons of my own, I concluded that it wouldbe far more respectable to act otherwise. This, then, with me, was notmerely an opinion--it became a principle, and one which, unfortunately, I was most anxious to preserve inviolate--unfortunately, because itmust inevitably be outraged. Even under the most favourablecircumstances, owing to my ignorance of its rudiments, I was sensiblethat I must frequently fail in my Greek tasks; what chance, then, hadI, constantly thwarted in my endeavours to avoid this, by hourly andcapricious fagging?

This, then, weighed upon my mind in no slight degree, for thoughexposed, from an early period, "to rough it" more than was common, thesensitiveness of a boy's disposition will be anything but deadened inconsequence, so long as he thinks for himself, and forms his own lineof right and wrong, though perhaps it schools him precociously toconceal what his associates may deem to be his weaknesses, thoughprobably his better traits of character, should he be blessed withsuch. This tendency was not likely to be diminished by the followingincident:--

From the moment I first left my home, which was at an early period, the little religious instruction I might have received from my nursewas abandoned, and never even reflected on for a moment, till within ashort time of my departure for Eton, when, by some chance train ofthought, I became sensible that I knew not a single prayer--at leastperfectly. I was well aware that other boys did, though many neglectedthem. To supply this my deficiency, I henceforth never failed to offerup, each morning and evening, extemporary ones, and which, thoughpuerilely adapted to little impressions or wants, yet flowed the moretruly from the heart, and cherished an affectionate, and therefore, truly religious feeling, towards my Almighty Father. 

One morning I was awakened by the clock striking the hour in which Ishould have been in school, when, instantly dressing myself, I harriedaway, and on returning to my room, was kneeling at a chair, when Iwas interrupted by the dreaded vociferation of "lower boy!"

Though knowing the consequences, should I be discovered, I never for amoment wavered as to the course I should adopt, but continueddeliberately at my accustomed devotions. As I was thus occupied, thefifth-form boy entered my room to learn my reason for neglecting hissummons, and was for a moment startled when he discovered in whatmanner I was employed; but, without further hesitation or compunction, taking me by the collar, he inflicted a blow as a punishment for mypresumption. This was a little too much, so instantly springing athim, and taking him unawares, for a moment I actually beat my tyrantoff, when Kennedy accidentally presenting himself at the door, at onceranged himself by my side. This made the pitiful fellow pause, andfinding that, though so immeasurably his juniors, we were resolute, heprudently informed us, that so soon as we had procured the captain'spermission to fight with him, he would comply; this formality existingon a feud arising between an upper and lower boy. On inquiring intothe case, the captain refused his consent, but added a severe threattowards my aggressor. 

Insignificant as they appear, these incidents had lasting effects onme. With regard to the first, I at once resigned myself in despair tothe bitterness of a disappointed, and almost a broken spirit; and, sofar as all scholastic duties were concerned, I henceforth adopted areckless, heedless course, except that I pursued it doggedly andsystematically. 

As to my religious duties, I was considerably embarrassed, and that, because I bestowed some attention upon them; had I not, I should havebeen as easy in this respect as most other boys. However, after nolittle examination into the subject, and, by-the-bye, confusion, Icame to the resolution of guiding myself as well as I could by whatlittle knowledge I might possess; and unspiritual as this reliance onmy own efforts evidently was, I, in unison with it, farther resolved, that should I omit what I knew to be right, I would refrain, at allevents, from that which I judged to be wrong--and I do not see what Icould have done more. 

To assist, or prevent me in my resolution, things were nearlybalanced. No boy had been more completely exposed to the chance ofcircumstance, and, in consequence, to the unbiassed sway of my naturaldisposition, which was restless in the extreme. For this there is noalternative--for good or bad, work it will, and in such a caseidleness is indeed the root of all evil. 

To save me from, or rather to diminish this danger, I was _at thattime_ imbued, in no trifling degree, with benevolence and candour;and I was free, also, of two qualities which I have since acquired, for they are appendages as common to our natures as are our limbs toour bodies. I was devoid of selfishness and prejudice; and as societyis constituted, one commences life with a bad start, destitute of suchaccomplishments. 

CHAPTER III. 

Of the seven days in the week, probably more flogging occurs on Fridaythan during all the others put together. On the unfortunate, theshuffling, and the dense, the effect of this day's ordeal has everproved to be most searching. On Thursday, then, towards the conclusionof eleven o'clock school, the boys were not a little delighted, whenKeate, closing the book, informed them that an hour since he had beenhonoured with a request from his Majesty that the morrow might beconverted into a whole holiday, and that they should be indulgedaccordingly. It need hardly be stated with what yells of ecstasy thisannouncement was received, as we rushed from our seats, lightened ofthe sombre dread of "Friday's business. "

In the evening, I was summoned to the tea-table of Gregory, mypuissant master, to account, if I could, for my presumptuous absenceat a time when every fag's presence was so imperatively required. Onmy appearance, my fellow-fag was astonished at the air of confidencewith which I advanced towards the table, guilty of such a heinousomission. My master, for some seconds, regarded me with a stern andsavage aspect. 

"You little rascal, " at length he exclaimed, his voice deepening underthe effects of rage soon to be amply gratified, "you've been toastingthese muffins with the snuffers!" At the same time he confidentlypointed out to me, with savage delight, the single and blackened markoccasioned by such an unorthodox implement. This was not what I wasprepared for, and the circumstance was, alas, but too evident, and thepalms of my hands were immediately tingling under the strokes of mymaster's hair-brush. 

"And now, " said he, pausing for a moment, "I am going to give youanother licking for not being here in time. "

"No, " I exclaimed, "you have excused me a fortnight's fagging; atleast, you said yesterday that you would, should I ask the King for aholiday to-morrow. "

This was the truth, and so, in an unguarded moment, he had expressedhimself; but being, at the least, as anxious for a holiday as he was, and sighing for a fortnight's emancipation from slavery, I haddetermined to take him at his word, and obey him to the letter. In aspirit, then, of excessive innocence, or impudence--I think theformer, though I may have since exchanged it for the latter--I hadstarted off for the cottage in Windsor Park, where the King was thenresiding, and had actually gained admittance without interruption fromany one, though I was now accosted by a gentleman who demanded thepurport of my visit. I replied that I had come up to ask the King toget us a holiday for Friday. Upon this, he informed me that it was notusual for strangers to see his Majesty while resident at the cottage, and that I had better wait until his Majesty returned to the Castle;and then he kindly walked back with me towards the garden, throughwhich I had previously passed, and there left me. Here I metJerningham walking with his mother, whom I acquainted with the objectof my interview with the Duke of Dorset, as he proved to be. Thishappened to be a very fortunate rencontre for me, as Lady Jerninghameventually turned out to be my "friend at court, " and had seconded mypetition with success. 

As the next day was a holiday entirely originating with myself, Iconcluded that I had a right to make the most of it, and enjoy it inmy own way. Under this impression, Kennedy and I started at seven thatmorning, towards Perch-hole, where Lary Miller was to meet us with apunt and casting-net, and we were to fish our way down the river, towards Datchet. While awaiting him at the water's edge, among otherinventions to amuse ourselves, Kennedy thoughtlessly snatching off myhat, set it floating on the water; so taking him by the collar, ere Ihad time to reflect, I swung him well into Perch-hole. The moment hescrambled out, there seemed to be no doubt on either side as to whatwas to be done. Indeed, it would be impossible to say which of usstruck the first blow, though the question with us now was, who was togive the last. Perhaps any other boys, as soon as the first burst ofpassion had exploded, would have deferred the contest to anotheropportunity, when each might be attended by his second; but Kennedybreathed nothing but immediate retaliation, and probably he might wishto exercise himself after his immersion. I also preferred the presenttime, as, on giving the subject a momentary consideration, during theearly period of the fight, it struck me as being most repugnant andungrateful to my feelings, to meet my greatest friend in cool blood, to see which could batter the other the most, and that, too, only toglut the sight of hundreds. 

In general, each battle at Eton is conducted with all the etiquetteincidental to the prize-ring, under the latest regulations of theBirmingham Youth, or White-headed Bob. Indeed, one would here concludethat it was impossible to contend without a ring, seconds, andtime-keeper. Notwithstanding the deficiency of these desiderata, weweaved merrily away for nearly an hour, during which period, perhapsfrom being the lightest, I was prostrated three times, which thereforedivided the contest into but three stages or rounds, during which timeeach rested on the grass, and conscientiously recommenced ouroperations, the instant we imagined that the half-minute had expired. 

The clock now struck a quarter-past nine, when we were reminded, thatshould we fight on, each would be well flogged for disregard ofabsence; and as our occupation was barely worth the penalty, we atonce put on our jackets, and departed in silence, to answer to ournames, while, as a matter of course, we were to finish the battleafter twelve, for my holiday afforded us ample time. 

This morning, therefore, for the first time, we breakfasted indifferent rooms. Each now commenced this repast with feelings far fromcheerful. The anger of the moment having passed away, there remainedno sense of enmity between us; and yet, in an hour or two, we were tomeet again, like a couple of dogs, and mangle each other as we bestmight. 

Kennedy could not but feel that he was not only the strongest, but hadactually been more prevalent in the contest than myself; nor did he, on this account, congratulate himself, when he reflected that theappointed hour was fast approaching when he must do his best to thrashme still more. The sole thought that weighed on my mind, was that ofhaving quarrelled with a fellow whom I liked far beyond myself. Atthis moment the door opened, and Kennedy, placing his rolls and butteron the table, stretched his hand across it towards me, and the next, we were sipping our tea together out of the pewter salt-cellar, withno farther traces of enmity, save the three unequivocal black eyes weretained between us. 

This subject reminds me of a very melancholy one which I witnessedseveral years afterwards; and as I have heard it discussed sofrequently, and so erroneously, I cannot help wishing, if possible, togive a concise and true statement of the case. In the instance alludedto, the contest might be said to have terminated with no unusualconsequences, for the clock had struck the hour in which it wasimperative for every one of us to be in his dames for the night, andthe combatants were in the act of putting on their coats, and allwould have been well, had not a voice, which I distinctly recollect, exclaimed, "One more round!" Whichever had now declined would havebeen considered as vanquished: they closed, struggled for the fall, and the fall was fatal. The sole cause of this miserable catastrophewas that voice of a mere bystander, and of this he must be as sensibleas I am. I know not who he may be, nor do I envy him his secret. 

It was now getting towards the latter end of July, and I had been anEtonian nearly three months. During this time I had experienced a fairaverage of fighting, bullying, fagging, and flogging, and had alsoacquired some useful accomplishments. I could paddle my skiff up toSurly Hall and back, swim across the river at Upper Hope, and had evenbegun to get in debt, having some weeks ago "gone tick" with Joe Hydefor a couple of bottles of ginger-beer, with the proviso of returningthem when empty, but which, it must be confessed, were still lying atthe bottom of Deadman's Hole, for the farther improvement of mydiving. 

Having just been disappointed in my endeavours to procure a boat atHester's, I was returning towards my dames about the middle ofafter-six, totally at a loss for amusement. Every other boy was noweagerly employed on the river, or at cricket, and the whole collegewas silent and deserted. As I strolled listlessly along, I observed afuneral slowly issuing from the church-door on its way to theburial-ground. Singular to say, this was the first instance of death'sdoing on a fellow-being I had yet witnessed. On its approach, I seatedmyself on the Long-walk wall, and watched the coffin and itsnoiseless followers, as they glided slowly before me. So soon as allhad passed, I quietly slid down from my seat, and accompanied theprocession at a little distance. 

While we are young, we are not only moved more easily, but doubt notthat every person else feels as sincerely. Under this impression, Iaccompanied the corpse towards its grave, touched with a sort of pityfor the mourners, and sobered by a deep and respectful sympathy. 

As I stood by the brink of the grave, I could not but feel a soothingcomfort and hope under our affliction, so beautifully held out to usby the spirit of "the service of the dead;" and I even entertained anaffection for the clergyman who officiated. But when I witnessed thelowering of the coffin to its future resting-place--heard the softcrumbling of the churchyard soil, as it dropped from the grasp of thesexton on the below-sounding coffin, down below--the anguished butstifled moan of the childless father, who had apparently expended hishard-got earnings for the interment of his child--I not only repassedthe gates considerably affected, but overpowered with an indescribabledread of impending death. I was now possessed with a servile love ofGod, arising from fear; an anxiety to please and obey him, to aninfinite degree. Alas! even at this early age, how worldly-minded, how pitiful, can be our motives!

I now determined within myself, as resolutely as presumptuously, to"go and sin no more;" and to that effect, that very evening, dived tothe bottom of Deadman's Hole, and returned to Joe Hyde his horriblyportentous bottles. 

CHAPTER IV. 

A few weeks previous to the holidays, "the old Queen" gave amagnificent _fête_ at Frogmore, when, to form a prominent feature inthe day's amusements, her favourites, the Etonians, were invited toplay a cricket-match, for which a beautiful space of lawn had alreadybeen most good-naturedly prepared. 

I think the first approach to royalty must ever be most interesting toboys, at least it was deeply so to me on this day; for when I observedthe wide-swelling lawns, the broad groves, and glassy lakes of thislittle paradise; the Queen, with the princesses and royal suite, asthey glided over the turf in a train of pony-carriages, lined andshining with the richest satins; the splendid and gaudy clusters ofmarquees, glittering in all the pride of Tippoo's easternmagnificence, from whom they had been rifled, with their brightcrescents blazing in the sunbeams--I found all the lovely and dearlyremembered fancies, conjured before my infant imagination by thenursery tale, at once placed in delightful reality before me. 

Towards the evening, I had rambled, considerably fatigued with therestless pleasures of the day, into the most secluded parts of theshrubberies, and was resting on a seat, listening to the notes of abugle band in the distance, when they were interrupted by the steps ofsome one passing quickly along the gravel walk towards me, and thenext moment I saw a girl approaching the gate in front of me. Iinstantly rose and opened it for her; but as she passed, the littlegirl, after a slight hesitation, inquired with an expression of someanxiety if I had seen her father, Sir George Curzon. 

"I do not know your father by sight, " I answered, "and fear you willhardly meet with him here; for I have been more than half an hour onthis seat, and have seen no one at all. "

"I declare, " she sighed, "I do not know how I shall find him, and I amquite tired, too! But will you, if you please, tell me the way towardsthe palace--I should be much obliged to you?"

"As well as I can, " I answered; "but would it not be better that I ranand inquired for your father, and brought him here, for then, in themeanwhile, as you are tired, you can rest yourself on this bench?"

"You are very good-natured, " replied Miss Curzon, as she sat down;"but if you will only wait until I have rested for a minute, perhapsyou will go with me towards the palace, for I don't like being herequite alone. "

I now perceived that the poor little girl had been crying. 

"But why are you here by yourself?" she added, the next moment; "haveyou lost your way too? But sit down, there is room for both. " And shelooked up so kindly, while her beautiful little hand, contrasting withthe rough bench, pressed it to enforce her request. 

How happy was I to obey her, and yet how painfully confused! In aword, I was out of my element, this being my very first rencontre withone of the softer sex; for which reason, though so many years havesince passed away, I cannot help reciting and recollecting it as anoccurrence of yesterday. 

"Are you not an Eton boy?" demanded Miss Curzon. 

"Yes; but I have been one only for a few months. "

"Papa says that Frederic shall be sent to Eton, by and bye, " shereplied, rather abstractedly. 

"Perhaps, then, " I answered, "I shall know him--at least, I hope Imay. "

"Oh, it will be a long while before he joins you, for he is quitelittle yet; and then, you know, he must be your fag, instead of yourfriend. "

"I shall never fag a brother of yours, " I answered. 

"May I ask you some questions about this horrid fagging?" demandedMiss Curzon, and turning towards me. 

"Of course, " said I; "as many as you please. "

"Have you got what they call a master?"

"Certainly; every lower boy must have one. "

"What do you do for him?"

"Lay his breakfast and tea-things every day, and make his toast. "

"Anything else?"

"Whatever he chooses. "

"And if you did not choose to do it?"

"I should get a good thrashing; or, in other words, Miss Curzon, get agood licking. "

After a brief silence, she resumed her questions. 

"As you have been so short a time at Eton, I suppose you have not yetbeen punished?"

"O yes, many times. I got a capital flogging yesterday. "

"Will you tell me what you were flogged for?"

"For eating in church. "

"And what could make you do that?"

"I had been fagging all the morning, Miss Curzon; and having no timefor breakfast, I went into church with my rolls in my pocket, and oneof the masters saw me eating them. "

"You have quite frightened me for poor little Frederic!"

"Perhaps he will be more fortunate, " I replied; "so I must even wish, as you said just now, that he may indeed be my fag, for then he canbreakfast with me every morning. "

"I declare I will ask papa to place him under your care if you willlet me?"

"You cannot know, Miss Curzon, how obliged I feel to you for thinkingthat I would take care of your brother; and depend upon it, I will. "

"Yes, " said the little lady, looking stedfastly in my face, "I feelquite certain you would. But, " she added, as her own brightened with asmile, "you must now fulfil your first promise to me, and find myfather, for I am so tired, I must rest here a little longer. "

"Very well, " I replied; "but how I should like to talk with you hereall night! Do not go away until I return. "

I now hurried away in search of her father, who, after many inquiries, was pointed out to me by Chrichton, though in a very inaccessibleposition; for he was standing with other important personages, amongwhom I could discern the Duke, by the side of her Majesty'sponey-phaeton. 

"Do, Chrichton, " I begged--"do go up to Sir George Curzon for me; youare more used to that sort of thing than I. "

All my eloquence being thrown away upon him, and on that instantthinking of my little lady in the grove, I walked towards the groupwith my hat in my hand, without further hesitation. 

"If you please, Sir George Curzon, there is a young lady in theshrubberies who wants you. "

"I think, young sir, " replied Sir George, "you must make a mistake. "

"No, sir. She has lost you, she says; it is Miss Curzon. "

"Dear me! I thought she had been all this while with her aunt. Whereis she?"

"A little beyond that temple on the hill, there, " I replied, pointingwith my hat. 

"You need hardly go all that way yourself, " said the Duke, observingSir George about to follow me; "the boy can show her here very well. "

"Yes, Sir George, " added her Majesty; "let the little boy run andbring her. "

"Well, then, my little gentleman, " asked Sir George, "may I ask you todo so?"

"Oh, yes, Sir, " I replied, and I was off on my way towards her in amoment. 

"I have found your father. Miss Curzon, " said I on my return, "and hehas asked me to lead you to him. I hope I have not been long. "

"I am sorry you should have had so much trouble, " she answered, as shetook my arm; "but we must now make haste, for it is getting quitelate, and I know papa wishes to go part of the way home to-night. "

"Do you live far from here, then?" I rather pointedly inquired. 

"Oh, yes--I don't know how many miles--all the way down in Cheshire;we took this place in our road from town. "

"Well, then, Miss Curzon, " I said, as we approached her father, "Iwonder if ever we shall meet again! You cannot think how I hope wemay; but now good bye, and----"

"You need not leave me quite yet, " she replied, interrupting me; "comea little further with me--what were you going to say?"

"Though I may never see you more, nobody will ever be so glad to hearthat you are happy as I; for I would sooner see you so than any personI know. "

"Thank you, thank you, " she replied, rather earnestly, "and I hope weshall be able--indeed, I am certain I shall see you again somewhere--Iwill not, " she added, as we approached the circle, "I will not, if youplease, keep your arm before them. Good bye, then; I shall hear ofyou, at all events, from my brother. "

She then left me, while I reluctantly directed my steps towards thecollege, which now appeared unwelcome and obtrusive. She was sodifferent to everything I had hitherto experienced!--so gentle andkind--so unassuming, and yet so lovely--and now to be torn away andsevered from such a person! That night I attempted to console myselfin the following effusion; and as they are the first and last lines ofwhich I was ever guilty, shall be here inserted; for though theversification is by no means faultless, they were true to my feelingsat the time:--

 When 'midst the deepest gloom of night, While all is still and lone, A heavenly meteor flashes bright, But floats away as soon;

 Does not the bosom of the moor Seem doubly dark and drear, Frowning still sterner than before Did that false light appear!

 So, lady, have you crossed my way, Brighter than cloudless morn-- So o'er this heart thy piercing ray. Gleamed--and thou art gone!

CHAPTER V. 

My first half-year as an Etonian had now expired. Brief as it was, ithas been to me the most portentous period of my existence. I sometimesfeel that my fate, here and hereafter, has hinged upon it--this worldis globular for the same reason that a woman's tear is. Are we thecreatures of the merest chance, or of eternal predestination throughall time, if there be such a thing as time at all? The question isidle; for as we have never yet solved it, I begin to think we nevershall. The Almighty has willed this obscurity, and therefore it is forthe best. 

I sensitively felt that I was launched amid the crowd of a bustlingworld, to steer and shift for myself as I best might. Like other boys, I had a tutor; but, though a thoroughly conscientious man, he wasworse than useless; for he was to be practised on with such facility, that I, with his other pupils, imposed upon him as we chose. 

When I returned for the holidays to the paternal roof, it was only tobe fagged by my elder brethren; for here the fagging system, I regretto say, was not only tolerated, but carried out to its most deplorableextreme. 

Ever distant then in our days of boyhood, and that, too, while underthe same roof, now that the casualties of after-life have dispersedus, we are become, to all intents and purposes, entire strangers onetowards the other. 

As to my father, he was, of course, wholly engaged in the cares ofproviding for so large and expensive a family; and though a man, I ampersuaded, of strong and ardent affection for his children, I canbarely say that I was acquainted with him. 

Accustomed to this sort of distant intercourse from my infancy, I wasdesirous of no other, until the following occasion, which happened ayear or two subsequent to the present time. 

I had been engaged in rather an arduous expedition, and, inconsequence, was laid up a day or two afterwards with a fever, and inconsiderable danger of my life. As soon as I could be removed, I wassent to my father's house. In the evening, as we ranged ourselvesround the fire, the rest of the family, from prudential motives, removed themselves to a distance. My father drew my chair towards hisown, asserting that in illness one should not desert the other. 

By the time that I returned home, I had moreover become a confirmed"shuffler. "

This word bears, indeed, an ominous insinuation; but at Eton it is notso disreputable as it sounds. The shuffler ever employs what ingenuityhe may be gifted with, in contriving how he may do as little inschool, and as much out of it, with the least possible flogging; andit is astonishing to what a nicety this calculation can be reduced, and to what a degree of perfection a boy's powers for it may bebrought, by constant and careful cultivation. 

Yet I was, I think, far from being an idle boy. I neglected mystudies, not to become listless and unemployed, but that I might earnmore time for other, and, as most persons would think, less edifyingpursuits, and was therefore invariably devoted to cricket, rowing, andfoot-ball matches. 

This, then, was the good or ill effect which resulted from the chanceof circumstance. My father had at once concluded, that send a boy toEton, pay the yearly bills, and his education was infallibly insured. 

From the moment that I entered the college, I had been carelesslyplaced far above my acquirements; and constant flogging wasinevitable, for a year or two at least, until, perhaps, by closeapplication, I had made myself equal to my daily tasks. But this was aprospect by far too distant to be entertained by a boy of nine yearsold; for it is the ambition of a boy not to be flogged at all--not aslittle as possible. 

An objection to sending a boy early to Eton is, that should he havethe hardihood to brave frequent punishment, he may be very nearly asidle as he pleases; and at this early age, too, he has not the senseto apply himself to study of his own will, and that, too, whilesurrounded by so many temptations to the contrary. 

One flogging, without the slightest stigma attaching to it, orreprimand, is the certain penalty of failure in his task. Withhardihood or without it, I then had no chance, though, at all events, I acquired it, and that too, to such a degree, and I deemed thepenalty so trivial, that I henceforth enjoyed a delightful sense offreedom and independence in its way. 

If I bestowed a thought on the subject at all, it was to be floggednot more than once in a day, if I could conveniently do otherwise. 

Yet, in an irrational mood, I would read--I would frequently steal offto some quiet spot in the neighbourhood, and employ myself in varioushistories, of which reading I was always very fond. My favouriteretreat was up in an old pollarded willow-tree, secure from fagging, and therefore enjoying the distant voices in the playing-fields, delightfully contrasting with the quiet splash of the trout leaping inthe river beneath me. 

Thus I obtained a respectably accurate knowledge of the Roman, Grecian, and English histories, and a somewhat precocious insight tooof the characters of their various and prominent actors. 

As for the heroes of the fabulous ages, I was completely conversantwith each of their circumstances, and for this reason. I mustacknowledge, that, as the hour approached for punishment, I was apt tobe troubled in mind, similarly to a patient about to undergo adisagreeable operation; but no sooner had I opened Lempriere'sclassical dictionary, than every unpleasing anticipation wasdissolved, and I became totally unconscious of vulgar realities, andabsorbed in its poetical but unequivocal immorality. 

CHAPTER VI. 

In spite of the ingenuity I expended, in order to imbibe as small aquantity of Latin and Greek as was possible, and of the number ofpersons, whom I have so frequently heard declaiming against theexclusive attention paid to their attainment, and with whom, during mypupillage, I entirely coincided, I cannot help smiling at the extentto which I have since _ratted_ in this respect. Now that I am nolonger forced to profit by such studies, I have arrived at theconviction of their necessity. If a knowledge of our own language bedesirable, they afford the only means of understanding the true importof the words which constitute it; and when, at times, I havesufficient diffidence to suspect my own capabilities of forming acorrect opinion in the matter, and examine into that of others, I haveto acknowledge, not only that the advocates of the dead languages arethe most competent judges, but that the persons who oppose them themost strenuously, are invariably those who are the least conversantwith them; while the former, again, are rarely heard to regret thetime expended in their acquirements; while what superior thoughuneducated man, but has deplored his ignorance of them, and his wantof opportunity to acquire them?

But I have, of late, arrived at such an extreme as to advocate thestudy to the exclusion of all others, with the exception of modernlanguages. My paradox is this, that which is downright indispensablefor everyday life, do not teach us; for then, in spite of ourselves, we must, in these subjects, become our own instructors. If, in a fewyears after we have left the school, we possess not a respectableknowledge of such common, and easily acquired subjects, as arithmetic, history, and geography, we alone are culpable; and the more the worldmakes us sensible of our deficiency, the more we deserve it, and thesooner we shall set about to apply the remedy. Teach us, then, inboyhood, that which we will not, or in this case, perhaps, cannotteach ourselves--a knowledge of the classics. 

I sometimes suspect that many persons doubt of their importance, fromthe fact of their being distinguished as the dead languages, while, perhaps, they are exactly the only immortal ones--unchangeablethroughout all ages in their primitive purity. In an unwary, orperhaps charitable moment, I am seized with enthusiastic admiration ofour forefathers' good taste in so justly appreciating the beauties ofancient literature, though I now and then have a misgiving that it isa relic of the cloister, which had no productions of its own tocompete with them, and its traditional authority has not yet becomeextinct; not that the moderns have produced such works of genius as tosupersede them, for those of the imagination are not to be accumulatedto greater perfection, from age to age, like those of science. Indeedthe works of the ancients, relative to the latter, are now only usefulas instances of the progress of the human mind; nor could they beotherwise, as science is more or less perfect in proportion to theages that have preceded; as it is the last man's knowledge, added tothat of all his predecessors, or, as Sir John Herschel far betterexpresses it, it "is the knowledge of many, orderly and methodicallydigested and arranged, so as to become attainable by one;" and thus arespectable philosopher of the present day may possess more knowledgethan even such powerful and original minds as those of Confucius orZoroaster, Aristotle or Pythagoras: he is not like the goose I now seewading through the mud, and that can't build its nest a jot betterthan the sacred ones of the Capitol could. 

With regard to works purely imaginative, perhaps the very converse ofthis will be found to be the case. The bard of Chios is notsuperseded by those of the Lakes, who, as far as all beauty impartedby the force of originality is concerned, even labour under adisadvantage, for every author is conscious that a strong memory is adangerous thing, and will interfere with his originality in spite ofhimself. 

If then the sublimest soarings of the human imagination conveyed toour minds, and clothed in all the beauties of language, are desirable, we shall seldom regret the hours we have expended over Homer orVirgil, Demosthenes or Cicero. 

But although this comparatively exclusive attachment to the classicsmay be Eton's most prominent characteristic, I suspect it to be by nomeans the most important or beneficial one. 

The contrast and contact, resulting from the sheer multitude ofvarying dispositions, refined by the gentlemanly tone of characterindigenous to the college, afford advantages superior to all the restput together. 

There are three other prominent features in the economy of Eton, whichI have touched on in former pages, namely, those of fagging, flogging, and attendance in church during the week days. 

As regards the two former intellectual characteristics, I must admitthat I am unusually obtuse; for although boasting a long and intimateacquaintance with both, I have never arrived at any certain conclusionas to their good or ill effects, though I have little doubt but thatthey contain a mixture of each, only I am uncertain which maypreponderate. 

The former might be profitable, both to the fagger and the fagged, didit not commence and finish at the wrong end; for could a boy be wellfagged from the age of fourteen to eighteen, he would probably be allthe better for it, but during this period he is unfortunately thedespot. Many persons conclude that the system acts beneficially on theyouthful members of the aristocracy; but I think the same end might beattained, and more respectably, by the mere jostling amid the crowd, without proceeding to the extremity of subjecting a boy of gentlemanlyfeeling, to the coarse caprices of a tradesman's son. I have myself_requested_ the present Marquis of D----e to walk into theplaying-fields each evening, with a slop-basin in his hand, and milkan unusually quiet cow that used to be there; but this office fell tohis lot, merely from his being the only boy in my dames who knew howto milk a cow--in fact, it was his boast that he could milk a cowbetter than any man in England. Lord C----stl----h too, must wellremember when a great wild, raw-boned Irish fellow, with a rope roundhis waist, would throw himself from Lion's Leap into the river, byway of learning to swim, while his lordship was appointed to pull himout again; but the particular time that I now mean was, when he wasall but drowned, and vociferating with Hibernian vehemence, "pull, youblackguard!" every time his head emerged for a moment from the bottomof the river. But whatever effects this levelling process may have inyouthful days, I suspect that they are by no means permanent, and arecompletely obliterated on leaving the school. 

With regard to the punishment of flogging, many persons condemn it, asdegrading to a boy's character. These same persons would, probably, deem it out of place to raise their hats on entering a man's shop, andperhaps every one would feel it to be so in England; but in othercountries, were they not to do so, the shopkeeper, from experience, would merely attribute the omission to what he deems an instance ofill-breeding, habitual to John Bull; or, when he is not aware of this, he will frequently decline to accommodate his customer. I mention thisinstance to show, that what may meet with disapprobation in one place, will not do so in another; and thus what to us at a distance, and inafter years, may appear to be repulsive, may by no means be soconsidered during boyhood. Again, others will say, that it ought tobe felt as a disgrace. To this, I can only answer that it never willbe; for where there are so many boys as at Eton, this mode ofpunishment must frequently be adopted; and as often as it is, socertain, from its repetition, will it cease to be considered in thatlight--it is altogether a necessary evil, which flesh is heir to. Should the boy have committed anything unbecoming a gentleman, he isinvariably and appropriately punished by the manner adopted towardshim by his own associates, and the feeling of the school in general. Let flogging, then, still be tolerated as a mere physical andconvenient inconvenience--its effect, too, is but ephemeral, and soonbecomes lost among the things that were. 

Not so will be the effects of frequent attendance in church. Concerning these three subjects, perhaps no two persons could be foundwho might entertain similar opinions; therefore, it behoves one toadvance any decision as regards them with caution and diffidence; butif one of them admits of greater certainty of opinion than the others, is it not that relative to the frequent occurrence of the churchservice? However the other two subjects may be opposed, someadvantages may be still held out in extenuation of their practice, butI cannot help feeling that this cloying attendance on chapel must bealtogether pernicious. 

His religion is not to be flogged or forced into a boy, like so muchLatin and Greek, or even to be instilled into him by a comparativestranger. Until he comes to be able to inquire or think about it forhimself, the duty of instructing him is exclusively incumbent on hisparents, or on those who are in more immediate contact with him thanthe tutors of a college can be. The superior and sufficient influenceof the former, in this respect, may be evidenced by the fact of alittle Catholic boy whom I knew, duly attending church with the restof us, and afterwards leaving the school, and remaining to this day asstanch a Papist as ever entered the confessional. 

Out of the six or seven hundred boys present during divine service, should only fifty of them have their minds properly disposed, therewould be something to advance in support of the practice; but thateven this cannot be urged, I would appeal not only to every oldEtonian, but to every boy of the present day. With the exception ofSunday, to which, of course, I am not now alluding, a boy, in my time, would almost as soon think of bringing a cricket-bat into church withhim as a prayer-book; and if the prayers attracted our attention atall, it was but momentarily, and that merely to ascertain whether thetedious chaplain had nearly arrived at the conclusion of the service. 

I assume the nature of boys of the present day to be similar to thatof boys twenty years ago; and if so, I suspect that all these serviceshave added about as much to the growth and strength of their religiousprinciples, as the hundred-and-one paternosters and ave-mariasmuttered by a monk of Camaldoli for the last half century. 

But was the evil merely negative, one would hesitate to object toanything that has been adopted for ages by a foundation so admirablyconducted as that of Eton, and which has ever worked so well; but anadditional effect of this compulsory attendance is to induce, by theforce of early habit, an indifference and callousness of feelingduring divine service, which but few in after life have the grace toovercome. But are the tutors of the College sensible of similareffects within themselves? Probably not; for there is little reasonthat they should, inasmuch as they have been preferred to theirpresent situations, and carefully selected from a multitude, inconsequence of their very singularity in this respect. 

The promoters of this system seem to be guided, not by how it affectsthe boys, but by how they wish it would. While attending theseservices with appropriate feeling themselves, I suspect that they areapt to forget how different was their own conduct on the sameoccasions in their youth; or if not, they must imagine that therising generation has become far more immaculate than theirpredecessors; "but boys will be boys" to the end of the chapter--andhere it is. 

CHAPTER VII. 

Six years have now glided away, and my station as an Etonian hasexperienced a still greater revolution. In place of being a fag, I wasnow the puissant "captain of my dames, " and had six lower boys of myown; but my greatest privilege consisted in being the possessor ofrather more than three thousand "old copies. "

These are the original copies of verses on various subjects which haveborne the correction of their authors' tutors, and which have beenreserved and put by, after a fair copy of them has been shown up inschool. 

The collection now in my possession had been, for years, entailed byits founder upon the captain of my dames, whoever he might be, for thetime being. These, then, I enjoyed for four years, and a subject couldnot well be given us, but I possessed it already composed on. True, Iwas once at a loss, when we had to produce verses on the death ofGeorge III. ; but several copies, simply on death, with a dash here andthere of my own put in to suit the present occasion, sufficientlyanswered the purpose, at the cost of but very little literary labour. One boy, I remember, actually had two old copies on the death ofGeorge II. , of such respectable antiquity was his collection of MSS. 

In addition to this inestimable treasure, I had become, by this time, flogged into the school routine of business, and could now, with ease, perform the requisite and daily tasks, no longer laying in any claimto the designation of a shuffler, at least to the eyes of the vulgar. My four remaining years then, at Eton, formed, indeed, a dream ofhappiness. 

When not otherwise particularly engaged, it was my delight, on theinstant of coming out of school, or church, to fix my eyes on somedistant object, and to start off for it, merely, I suppose, because itwas out of bounds. Being constantly in the habit of this, I becameacquainted with the localities of the neighbourhood, perhaps moreaccurately than any other boy at Eton. The two most distant points Iever reached, were Staines and the race-course at Ascot Heath. Theseexcursions I ever undertook in solitude. 

It was singular, that one of the most prominent features in thesurrounding country should have been nearly the last I attained. Thiswas the spot which must have attracted, one time or another, theattention of every boy: it is that beautiful hill of St. Leonards. 

Perhaps the reason that I attained it so late, was, that in theserambles, I preferred crossing the country as the crow flew, and in thepresent instance, therefore, I must have crossed through the Thames, and it was a long while ere I could prevail upon myself to pass bysuch a circuitous route as Windsor and the Life Guards' barracks, foran object otherwise comparatively close to me. 

About this time, then, I started for and reached it. From that day, Ihave always thought, that were it in my power to choose a regionwherein to spend my days, this should be it. It is the only spot Ihave yet chanced upon, which, when viewed from the distance, with itsdetails filled up in the imagination, delightfully fulfils andgratifies it to the utmost. What view can be more heavenly, than whenwe look through and over the tops of the stag-headed oaks, along thevalley spread out beneath us, with the Thames winding and glisteningin the sun, and the noble castle of Windsor in the horizon, proudlyrearing itself into the sky?

Notwithstanding this scene, I had been rather earnestly observing adistant but very lady-like figure walking across the grass, by theside of some rails, and I felt somewhat disappointed, anddissatisfied, when, at length, it vanished among the trees. I was nowresting myself at the foot of one, and deeply engrossed in thedesultory wanderings of a beetle on the ground, between my feet. I amnot conscious how long a time I might have been thus amusing myself, when I was roused by an indistinct rustle close to me, and, on lookingup, I saw before me the lady-like figure. In the surprise of themoment, I was possessed with a vague consciousness of some formeracquaintance, and in the first impulse, my hand nearly reached my hat, but, in doubt, I withheld it. 

She, too, seemed to be in the like predicament, bending slightly withthe neck, and I even fancied that her lips moved. The next moment, shehad passed on, and I became sensible of the presence of "my littleFrogmore girl!"

Could I have the presumption to renew, at this moment, such a briefand casual interview, and so long ago, too? What was I to do! Had shegiven me a slight token of recognition, or had she not?

At this moment, I am astonished at my determination. In a desperatestate of agitation, yet without a chance of wavering, I now rose, andwalked along the avenue to overtake her, as she was turning downanother to the right. On gaining the corner, I found her a few yardsin advance, seated on a bench with several other persons. I at oncekept directly down the first avenue without passing her. 

Here, at last, then, had I once more met with Miss Curzon! Yet how wasshe altered! She was now about sixteen, and considerably above thecommon height of women, and her figure possessed an air of far greaterslenderness than when I first met her. Then, too, her hair, which wasmostly concealed, was light--now she wore a profusion of it, of a darkand glossy brown. She was in deep mourning. 

Every day did I direct my steps to this hallowed spot, but in vain. She had been on a visit, I suppose, and had now left theneighbourhood. But, to my imagination, she was ever present, the lastvision at night, and the first in the morning, but I never could dreamabout her. 

CHAPTER VIII. 

Though ever leading a life very much at variance with the establisheddiscipline of the college, it was seldom that I was detected; butabout this time, though really living in far greater conformity to itsrules than usual, it was very hard upon me that I should now meet witha surprising run of ill-luck. 

At one time I had become ambitious of exercising the rites ofhospitality, which was the more patriotic on my part, as every articleof the repast had to be stolen. I had been led on to this expense by afriend presenting me with three bottles of port, which, of course, would need a few biscuits to accompany them; and then I thought of adessert, and at length ascended to the determination of giving adownright supper. 

The brace of partridges, then, and the moor-hen, I shot on the otherside of Dorney Common; the milk for the bread-sauce, came as usualfrom the old black and white cow. The ale, bread, knives and forks, Ieasily procured from my dame's own supper-table, just before she andthe rest of the boys entered the room. 

An hour or two after all in the house had gone to bed, my two friendsand I had roasted our birds, and enjoyed probably such a meal as weshall never again so much appreciate. Had each of us preferred thepartridges, the affair had not gone off so well; but, fortunately, Tyrrel very aptly began to speculate on the virtues of the moor-hen, informing us that it was undoubtedly the highly prized [Greek: ortux]of the early Greeks, but kindly relinquishing his share of it, Kennedyenjoyed the whole of it to himself; for, though I doubted not but thatthe subject had been classically handled, I obstinately returned to myold opinion relative to the difference between a partridge and a toughold moor-hen. These, then, had been duly respected, and we weresitting round the fire, with the second bottle of port looking ratherfoolish in front of us, and were wondering at the cannons which werethen being fired on Windsor hill, when we were alarmed on hearingsomebody coming quickly up the stairs. Having blown out the candles, and put the bottles into my drawer, we each jumped into our beds, butwere by no means pleased when the man-servant entered merely to awakenand inform us, that Tim Cannon had won his fight of Josh Hudson, forwhich great event the guns were then firing, and that, in the joy ofhis heart, he had got up to claim an even bet of sixpence, which hehad made with Kennedy relative to the result. 

Such an interruption, under such comfortable circumstances, wasenough to ruffle any one's temper; but I was still more distressed onopening the drawer to take out the wine and renew our orgies todiscover, that either the cork had not been firmly fixed, or omittedaltogether, for there were my shirts and neckcloths almost floatingin good old port. At this instant, to add to my dissatisfaction, inwalked my dame! The cannons having disturbed her, she had heard thenever-to-be-sufficiently-confounded footman run up the stairs, andarisen to ascertain the cause; when, guided by our voices, she nowjoined our party, an uninvited and unwelcome guest. Indeed, we werehopelessly committed, for getting up and lighting our candles andfires in the middle of the night was a capital offence. 

On my dame withdrawing herself, in a lamentable state of distress anddisapprobation of our misconduct, we instantly consulted as to whatwas to be done to deter her from complaining of us to Keate. To assistour councils, we summoned to our aid, "Fitty Willy, " properly andfeelingly so called from his weakness for epilepsy; nevertheless, hehad ever shown great genius for getting into scrapes, and even stillgreater for extricating himself from their baneful effects. He at oncedecided, with all the assurance of an old stager, that our only hopewas to proceed next morning, in a body, to my dame, and state thedreadful result, should she complain of us, and that we must expressthe deepest contrition of our delinquency. This, then, the next day, we had actually effected to all intents and purposes; and Kennedy waswinding up the business with all the fervour of Irish eloquence, whenI unfortunately burst into yells of laughter! This rendered hisdeclamation null and void, and he even gave up the point at once; whenmy dame, writing a note, immediately dispatched it to head-quarters. To this day do I feel remorse for my martyred fellow-sufferers; for, on the morrow, never were they so punished, if I judge rightly from myown feelings; we were compelled, moreover, to write out fifty lines ofHomer every day, for a month to come, and for these I had no "oldcopies;" but I soon managed to get into another dilemma. 

In a weak moment, I had agreed with Kennedy to sham ill and "stayout, " the equivalent for which is, as we are too unwell to go intoschool, we are so, to be out of our houses, and when detected areinvariably flogged with extra severity. On these occasions, too, mydame sends a certificate to the master, stating our respectivemaladies. This time, having merely acquainted her that I feltindisposed, it became incumbent on her to particularise the case, Ibeing totally ignorant of the complaint she was pleased to ascribe tome. Kennedy's complaint was, that he had got a stomach-ach. 

We had now before us a long day and a beautiful one besides, and wedecided that each should jump into a skiff, and scull to Cliveden, many miles up the river. This we performed in a very satisfactorymanner, except that, on our return, just when we were opposite thebeautiful little village of Bray, resting on our oars, and respondingto each other the alternate verses of that aquatic air, now, I fear, become obsolete, though so full of pathos:

 "Oliver and his dear, His dear and Oliver-- John Mogs and all his hogs, His hogs and sweet John Mogs-- Agnes and her geese, Her geese and sweet Agnes, &c. "

I heard a voice close to me on the bank, which, by no means, chimedwith the chorus, and the well-known tones of which thrilled to my verysoul. There was my tutor, and I was recognised--Kennedy threw himselfon his face at the bottom of his boat, and floated away undetected. 

This catastrophe, however, prevented us not from landing afterwards atSurly Hall for our cigars and brandy-and-water, where it now becameKennedy's turn to get into a scrape. Owing to the numerous andvociferous applications of the claimants for refreshment, "MotherHall" is always prudently ensconced in her tap-room, to which themeans of communication was through a square hole in the door. On thepresent occasion, Kennedy, in his impatience, had gone round to awindow in her rear. On this quarter she was entirely unguarded; and hehad got his head through, and was in the act of securing somebiscuits. At the moment, our landlady was absorbed in concocting abowl of punch; nevertheless, catching a glimpse of the outstretchedhand, she flew to the point of attack. Kennedy would have nowretreated, had not his ears wedged lightly between the bars, and hishead become immoveably fixed, and the next moment the choleric MotherHall was thumping him on the head with the lemon squeezer. Hiseloquence, so effective on most occasions, now availed him nothing, and he was seriously tortured. I think he was a little spirit-brokenbesides, for it was ever after a tender subject with him. 

Not having heard from my tutor that evening, I began fondly to hopethat, taking into consideration the extent of punishment consequenton such a breach of discipline, he had kindly omitted to take anyfurther notice of the affair. 

Neither of us having recovered from our indisposition, we were, ofcourse, "staying out" on the following day, which we had taken verygood care should be Friday. Instead, then, of being instructivelyemployed with the tasks of that dreadful day, I was comfortably seatedin my room, reading "Quentin Durward, " when, alas! its beautifulillusions were dissipated, and I awoke to the painful reality ofvulgar life, by being summoned to Keate, now occupied in the middle ofeleven o'clock school. Changing, then, my book, and putting my Horaceunder my arm, I enjoyed the distinction of walking "alone in myglory, " up the middle of the school, to Keate's desk. 

"Well, Graham, what do you want here?" demanded Keate, in his hurriedmanner. 

This forgetfulness, or perhaps ignorance, on his part, completelydisconcerted me; and not wishing to inform against myself, I held mytongue, hoping that some unforeseen chance might yet favour my escape. But the next moment, observing his choler to be rapidly on theincrease, I was conscious that this plan would be worse than useless. 

"I am staying out, Sir, " I at length hinted. 

"Staying out, are you! Then you are unwell--yes, you look very illindeed; pray, what is the matter with you? Tyrrel!" he vociferated, the next moment, "you had better bestow your attention on the placebefore you in the book, and I will presently examine your knowledgeupon the subject--you seem to be very interested in the present one;you're watching, I suppose, to see how your friend Graham can exerthis ingenuity in getting off. --Well, Graham?"

"I have taken physic, Sir?"

"Taken physic, have you! Pray, what was it?"

"A pill, Sir, " I replied, not very confidently. 

"Yes; and I suppose, no doubt, that you judged a quiet row up theriver would do you a little good--stay, afterwards--a flogging, perhaps, will have a still better effect. "

As luck would have it, I was never, on any occasion, so slightlypunished. Keate, though I never knew him to be guilty of an absent fitbefore, entirely forgot for what he was flogging me, and gave me butthe average number. The laugh was certainly on my side, when, just asI had completed my disarranged toilet, he discovered his error. Neither of us could forbear smiling, and he congratulated me on mygood fortune. 

The detection of my next peccadillo was not followed by such banefuleffects. They were now making at Windsor Theatre great preparationsfor a night, which was to be graced with the presence of his Majesty, who had also kindly condescended to order the tragedy of "Warwick" onthe occasion. I had amused myself by going up in the day-time towitness the rehearsals, and otherwise examine into the economy of thestage in general. I also made myself, without any evil intent at thetime, entirely conversant with the localities of the place. To draw afull house, Mr. Betty, once the Young Roscius, had been engaged topersonate the Earl of Warwick, and admirably he sustained it, too. During the performance, I had crept from the gallery--here alwaysappropriated to the Etonians--through a door which had been purposelymade not to appear such, into a place immediately over the stage. Across this space stretch the enormous rollers on which the scenes arewound, but in the recess where I now stood was stored a confused heapof theatrical lumber, such as an enormous gilt lion, a dragon, acollection of clouds, and other curiosities. At first I conjecturedthat the effect below might be heightened by the dismissal of a few ofthe clouds, but I feared lest they might dislocate a neck or two. Asimilar result might have occurred had I cut the ropes of the frontscene. At length, I determined merely to launch an enormous dustycarpet on Mr. Betty's devoted head below. Finding this to be farbeyond my single strength, I procured three assistants, and, at agiven signal, we simultaneously launched it forth. 

At that moment the Young Roscius and another star were fascinating thehouse, when our gigantic bundle, lodging for a moment between therollers, gradually squeezed through them, and the next, enveloping ourvictims, "Turned to groans their roundelay. "

This occasioned an uproar throughout the house, and on regaining ourseats, "the King-maker" had crept from beneath the mass, leavingEdward IV. Still struggling under it: the former, with his moustache, ermine cloak, and other appendages, in pitiable disorder, was nowharanguing the audience in the tone of a deeply-injured man. By whatmeans I never could divine, or even suspect, but Mr. Betty arrived atthe originator of the deed, and, to avoid more disastrousconsequences, I was obliged to call upon him the next day, and promisenever to do it again. 

CHAPTER IX. 

Though by no means superstitious, there was one circumstance, and onlyone, with regard to which I sometimes doubted whether it was notinfluenced by some fatality, and the present case was connected withit. 

With another boy, I was passing out of the archway leading uponWindsor Terrace, in order to hear the Life Guards' band, which hereplayed every Sunday evening, when once more I met with Miss Curzon. She was coming away, and at that instant was walking between two otherladies. This time, then, there was no doubt: as I passed, she made avery slight, but slow bend of her neck; at the same time there was inher face a fixed and serious expression. Slight as was therecognition, it was undoubted. 

"Why, Graham, " presently exclaimed the friend I was walking with, "that lady bowed to you!"

"And why should she not?"

"And why should you blush about it so?"

Never mind that--this was, and ever has been, if not the happiest, theloveliest moment of my life. 

On turning back, that I might, should fortune favour me, obtain somefarther traces of her, I just glimpsed her as she entered a carriage, which drove away in the direction of Datchet. 

Once again, then, was I at fault, still possessing not the faintestsuspicion of her retreat, for resident in the neighbourhood I was nowconfident she must be. 

It was six years and more since I had heard her voice. From thatmoment I had dwelt upon it and her, with all my mind, with all myheart, and with all my soul. But then, this might have been an idealpassion, as has happened to many of us, and we have never been lessenamoured than when in the immediate presence of its object: but inthis instance it was very different, creating a kind of fretfulhappiness quite intolerable. Byron says, in his ever-glowing way, that--

 "Sweeter far than this, than these, than all, Is first and passionate love!"

But, he should have added, what probably he meant, early love. Love attwenty is as nothing, unless one's a fool. Downright love exists onlywith boyish and the wildest romance, infinitely removed from everygrain of common sense. I will give an instance of this boyishweakness, though a ridiculous one. 

There was a maid-servant in Eton, who was a modest, respectable, andcertainly very pretty girl. Notwithstanding the stoutness of herancle, she had made a deep impression on many of the bigger boys, though probably not one of them had exchanged a syllable with her. This girl now became betrothed to a Windsor tradesman. No sooner wasthis ascertained, than her admirers let him plainly know, that shouldhe presume to prosecute his design, it should cost him dearly. Severalof them now never met the poor fellow without insulting him; and Iremember one boy, more ardent than the rest, went into his shop andfought him chivalrously, like a good knight and true. So high did thefeud now run, that the shop-keepers sided with their townsman, and formonths half the school was each evening engaged in a spirited skirmishwith the Windsor mobility for this Fair Maid of Perth; and I believethat, in consequence of the excitement they evinced on the occasion, the match was postponed for nearly two years. The boy whoparticularised himself for his pugnacious prowess has since become apreacher in the open fields, and a zealous supporter of themiraculously unknown tongues. 

"But these are foolish things to all the wise, " and particularly soto me, though my head was altogether turned, and my heart too. My dayswere more than ever dedicated to roaming over the country; and in theevening I used to love to scull my skiff far up the stream, and thenfloat quietly down while I watched the sun setting, and the luxuriousyet modest forget-me-not, on the banks; then leave my boat to sitmotionless on a retired stile, and listen to "the still small voice"of the mysterious bat, or the drowsy soothing hum of the beetle. Oneof these evenings, by the bye, was productive of a little adventure. 

I had just accomplished "the shallows, " and was now rowing hardagainst the stream opposite Boveney Church, when I was startled forthe moment by the sounds of a number of female voices, some of whicheven amounted to screams. On looking over my shoulder, I now observedan enormous pleasure-barge, with its deck and cabin crowded with anumerous party of ladies and gentlemen. It was drawn up the stream bythree or four horses. At this spot the stream ran with such rapidity, that a boat which was fastened to the stern, had broken away, and theladies became, in a degree, panic-struck, when they saw their onlymeans of communication with the shore quickly floating away from them. 

It was now for me to do my best to capture it, though when I hadfastened it to my skiff, it was with great difficulty that I couldstem the stream with it, and reach them. Having at length succeeded inthis, the instant I arrived, in addition to innumerable thanks, manyfair and braceleted wrists were now proffering full and fizzingbumpers of champagne, while others showered various fruits into myskiff. 

Without any hesitation, I emptied a respectable number of glasses oftheir contents; and having declined the rest, they were reluctantlywithdrawn, with the exception of one. I thought I might as well takethat; I looked at its fair and kind donor, and--there was Miss Curzon!As I raised the glass to my lips, I glanced across its brim, and againthe same depression of the slender figure--the same expression andmixture of fixed seriousness!

Now, then, I at last had a certainty of gleaning some tidings of her. I saw Maberly standing by her side, and, the next morning, Iquestioned him closely, but warily, upon the subject. 

"I was rather lucky, last night, Maberly, " I observed. 

"Yes, " he replied; "it was no common person who gave you that glass ofwine. Do you not think she was very lovely?"

"There were several lovely persons, " I answered. 

"You know whom I mean. "

"O yes, " I prudently answered; "she was sitting on a sofa, close tothe steerage, and gave me--bless her!--the first glass of wine. "

"Thank you, " said Maberly; "that was my sister. "

"Then she was a very nice-looking person, " I replied. 

"Don't you recollect, now, the girl who held out the last glass toyou?"

"Perfectly; but is she the person you admire so?"

"Oh! you know, you're near-sighted, or you would have thought so. "

"And who is she, after all?"

"I am not quite certain that I know her name, " said Maberly; "but Isuppose it is the same as her uncle's, Mr. St. Quentin, with whom shelives there, at the Grange, by Old Windsor. "

I said but little more, and withdrew, by no means dissatisfied withthe information I had gained. 

CHAPTER X. 

When I look back at this period of my life, though it must be with afeeling of disapprobation--and when I coldly say disapprobation, Iinsinuate remorse--let me confess that I still do so with anundeniable leaven of envy; envy at the lawless liberty I enjoyed, notonly with regard to my actions, but to my conscience; revelling in adeficiency of forethought and blindness of consequences, as trulydelightful for the present, as overwhelming and deplorable for thefuture. 

I was not aware that "coming events cast their shadows before;" and, alas! that past ones, leave them. 

But there was one thing of which I was aware, and of which personsrarely are, at the time, --I knew that I was happy; yet I deemed thatthis ought not to be, so long as I remained subject to any trace ofpalpable, or, as I then thought, irrational restraint. 

In truth, like a good many other foolish fellows of that age, I beganto entertain no small opinion of myself. I now felt that it wasdegrading to be shut in each night, like sheep within a fold, or topeep through the grated windows like a felon, and that I would notrest until I had freed myself from such restraints. 

The impediments and risks opposed to my design were great, but myfortune, or misfortune, carried me through them all. 

On examining the different windows of the house with this intention, Iat last found one which I judged to offer greater facilities than anyother; but as it was in the room of two other boys, it becamenecessary that I should intrust them with the matter. As, of course, they were also to be participators in the benefits arising from thesuccess of our attempt, they were happy to join me. 

It occupied but little time to make our preparations for the sortie. The bars of this window were placed so widely apart, that by takingoff our coats and waistcoats, we could each squeeze through. We had, then, only to subscribe the ropes of our trunks, and saw off the legsof our chairs, and in a few minutes we possessed a lengthyrope-ladder. We now went to bed, appointing three-o'clock in themorning for the hour of our first sally. Notwithstanding the heightfrom the ground, and our suspicions of the weakness of our ropes, soeager was each to be the first to descend, that we drew lots for theprecedence. This fell to Bush, who instantly commenced his descent, and the next moment, the silence of night was dispersed by the awfulcrashing and jingling of apparently a hundred panes of glass! Bothlegs and half of his body had passed directly through the windowbelow. We had conjectured that there had been no window, but here wasthat of the unlucky laundry. The instant he had reascended, I coiledup the ladder, and retreating with it to my room, threw it under mybureau and jumped into bed, instantly expecting the whole house to bein an uproar, though, as it turned out, no one was awoke by theclatter. The following morning, the effects were merely attributed tothe attempts of some villains to break into the house, instead of outof it. 

I had now to set about and devise some other mode of egress. The placeI next fixed on for this purpose was my own window. Should I succeed, detection would be almost impossible, every suspicion being lulled, inconsequence of the apparent difficulties for such an attempt. Inaddition to the bars, there was a wire grating in front of the window, which, moreover, was at the top of the house; but, then, the twowindows beneath it had been economically bricked up, in order to avoidan accumulation of the window-tax. By knotching a breakfast-knife veryfinely, I managed to pass it beneath the fat piece of iron in whichthe bar terminated, and then to saw in two one of the nails whichfixed it. I then took out the head of the nail, and the bar turninground the remaining nail, as on a pivot, left a sufficient space formy body to pass between it and the window-frame. I had but to twistthe bar back again, stick in the head of the nail, and everything was, apparently, in its former state. By wrenching, in a slight degree, thetenter-hooks, I could now disengage the lower part of the grating in amoment, sufficiently to pass beneath, and having constructed a slidingboard in the floor, under which I deposited my rope-ladder, I feltentirely secure from detection, and I was not mistaken. 

It was indeed a joyous moment when I made my first experiment, andfelt my foot on the dewy grass, for I deemed that

 "Then the world it was mine oyster, Which I with knife might open. "

Among these nightly rambles, there is one that will ever be, I shouldthink, deeply impressed upon me. 

Everybody in the house had been in bed for hours. As I was far toorestless to doze on the occasion, I had been stationary at the openwindow, counting the hours as they slowly passed, and it was nowgetting towards two o'clock, when I was to descend the ladder, alreadyplaced and hanging from the window. 

In those days I was rarely troubled by low spirits, but at the presentmoment, I must own, that they partook considerably of the gloominessof the hour, and the scenery around. The night was very dark, but Icould just see the ghost-like masses of the gigantic elms, as theystood motionless against the gloomy sky, and could even hear the quietrippling sound of the river as it glided along in the distance, thenight was so very still. But all this now horribly contrasted with ascene I had witnessed but a few hours ago on the banks of that rivernow so deserted. 

A school-fellow and friend had there been drowned, and I had heard hispiercing shriek as he fell from his boat. His body had not yet beenrecovered. This morning we had been playing at fives together. Howwere he and I occupied now! I dared hardly think, and then I picturedto myself his listless and lifeless body rolling under the stream intosome dark depth:--

 "And there I sat all heavily As I heard the night-wind sigh-- Was it the wind that through some hollow stone Sent that soft and tender moan!"

Just then the deep tone of the Castle death-bell came swelling acrossthe river from the other side. In an instant I knew it was theharbinger of death--of the Princess Charlotte? I was right--she wasjust then dead!

This now struck me as a frightful moment. It was not from the fear ofdeath, nor, alas! from the fear of God. What could it be? I amconvinced that no one has literally trembled from fear, but now myheart felt as though it shivered. I stood motionless till the last andleast sound had reverberated through the now silent court, and therewas nothing to be heard but the beating of my own heart. There I stoodfixed like a statue, afraid to stir, even to heave my chest tosigh--this, then, was superstition. 

I gradually arose from my trance to be conscious of the truth; and noweven concluding it to be my duty to combat against the weakness, though in a joyless mood, I descended the ladder. 

"Time and tide tarry for no man, " and I think even less for me. Theday had now come that I was to take leave of Keate and of Eton, andreturn to my father's house--and for what! I had not a suspicion, orwhether I was destined for the army, church, law, or for anythingelse. The prospect, however, appeared cloudy and comfortless, and Iwas now to reside for an indefinite period at the only place, much asI did love the spot, where I ever felt myself to be in the midst ofstrangers. Here, apparently, I was another being than when atEton--reserved, gloomy and distrustful--cold and unfeeling--wanderingabout the place like a solitaire, as I was. I had not, nor have I everhad, an acquaintance in the county--I had never been into anotherhouse. Should any friends of the family be staying with them, I wouldtake my breakfast of bread and milk before the usual hour, in order toavoid meeting them, and then absented myself for the rest of the day, until dinner-time. This last was indeed a painful ordeal, especiallyshould there be any ladies present. 

The truth is, circumstances, and by no means my own inclinations, forced me to be mute, and that, too, at times, when I would havealmost given my life to have been otherwise, and then I looked ashamedof myself, as I really was, for my apparent deficiency of goodbreeding. 

But now it was that I was bidding farewell to Eton--an eternalfarewell! now it was that I felt

 "How dear the schoolboy spot, We ne'er forget, though there we are forgot. "

I had been an Etonian for ten lovely years, and--what had I acquired?

I had, in due routine, become captain of the Oppidans--could, on anemergency, translate the dead languages--had worked myself into theeleven of cricket and of foot-ball, and now came forth from Keate'schamber, destined to learn that "the recollections of past happinessare the wrinkles of the soul. "

BOOK THE SECOND. 

CHAPTER I. 

The youngest of a numerous family, --now that every profession isoverstocked, --has no right to entertain considerable expectations. Therefore, when my father endured the expenses of my education till mytwenty-third year, he did far more than was incumbent on himself, andfar more than I, in any way, deserved. It was, indeed, an expensiveeducation, and the object to be gained by it, the Church. Unfortunately, my inclination for this had never been ascertained, andstill more unfortunately, from my youth, I had ever opinions anddifficulties on religious points, thoroughly inconsistent with theestablished one. These I had ever kept within myself, and it has beenmy ruin. Had I earlier exposed them to my father, perhaps I might haveprosperously pursued some other profession, and been, at this moment, something like an useful member of society. 

Finally, in opposition to my own judgment and conviction, I bowed tothat of others, and was ordained Deacon, in St. George's Chapel, Hanover Square. I now retreated to a parish in a remote county, whichhenceforth might be considered in the light of an honourable exile. 

One Sunday, then, in the depth of a rainy winter, I set off on myhorse, with my canonicals strapped before me in a valise, to commencemy clerical duties. On entering my parish, for want of a morerespectable asylum, I put up at a public-house, where I changed mydress, and came forth, for the first time, in the character of aDivine, walking towards my church, where I met with an unusually largecongregation assembled to hear "the new parson. "

Notwithstanding my lamentable deficiency of self-possession, I gotthrough the service without any distressing error--I ought not to haveread the Absolution, that being restricted to priests, nor should Ihave upset the cushion on which I was kneeling, for, not havingsufficient confidence to replace it, I was forced to hang on by myelbows to the reading-desk for the remainder of the Litany. As for mysermon, I knew it by heart, and it went off very well. I think, at alltimes, if my sermon was a good one, I used to get along well enough, for, as I proceeded, I became interested in it. On the other hand, when it was considerably below the average, I became even more so, labouring to gain the conclusion, like a wounded partridge to reachthe adjoining enclosure. 

Having accomplished the service, I fondly concluded that my littledevoir was finished for the day, and that I might now retire tocollect my agitated nerves in quiet, but at the porch I was requestedto visit an old woman who was lying in the poor-house, in the laststage of a dropsy. The only entrance to her chamber, or rather, herloft, was by an upright ladder fixed against the wall, the two uppersteps of which were broken away. After a little manoeuvring inconsequence of this difficulty, I entered the place in the attitude ofNebuchadnezzar in the act of grazing, "meekly kneeling on my knees. "

Like all other invalids in humble life, she was anxious that I shouldbecome impressed with the full extent of her suffering, and to thisintent was irresistibly importunate in her entreaties that I wouldgrasp her arm, and, to my horror, the next moment I saw the impressionof my fingers deeply, and, to all appearance, permanently stamped uponher flesh! With this ordeal she appeared satisfied, and having readthe prayers for the sick, I really suspect a little impressively, owing to my feelings as a novice, and left upon her pillow a fewshillings, I do think and hope that her spirits were a little brighterthan before--and there was need, for there were faint hopes of herdescending that ladder more, save for her "long home. "

I once more directed my steps to the public-house for my horse, whosehead I now turned towards a farm-house where I had written to procureapartments. I had proceeded but a short distance, when he sunk up tothe girths in a small bog, but contrived to scramble out so soon as Ihad dismounted. I knew beforehand, that my future residence wasinaccessible for any description of carriage, but as I was littlelikely to be encumbered in this way, it was a matter of noconsideration, but it certainly annoyed me to find that every now andthen I was liable to get my sermon moistened in a quagmire. 

In the midst, then, of these bogs was my solitary abode, which enjoyedthe somewhat singular appellation of Pinslow. This, I fancy, from itssituation among the surrounding morasses, to have been a corruption of"Peninsula, " as it had but one line of access. 

I was destined to be the first of my profession that ever resided inthe parish. The salary being very minute, with no parsonage-house, hitherto each clergyman, save the one of the neighbouring parish, hadconscientiously declined the appointment. 

On reaching my house, I found it to be rurally situated in the centreof its straw-yard, but altogether well suited to my wants. There was avery good one-stalled stable, or loose box, and as, on rainy days, Iwould throw off my reading-coat, and rub down my horse for an hour, this was an object of some importance. I was equally fortunate withregard to my sitting-room, for, without rising, I could reach anythingI wished for, from one end of it to the other. A second room wassufficiently spacious to hold the bed. 

Towards the close of the evening, laying aside etiquette, as Crusoewould in his solitary isle, I went out in order to visit a curate whohad lately taken the parish bordering on my own, and who, like myself, had just entered on his noviciate. Here I found Seymour, a fellowEtonian and contemporary. 

Though we had never before been intimate, how happy was I to meet withhim. For years had I been in the habit of seeing him every day, whenall was happiness, and now to be with him again, though my prospectswere as gloomy as the barren moors around us! I felt how different wasmy regard for him to that for friends of later date. The truth is, weknew each other!

This, together with youthful and happy associations, is the secret ofall those lasting friendships commenced in boyhood. We feel, howeverwe may try to conceal it, that our acquaintances in later life may beplaying a part, or at all events, may be guided more or less byinterested motives; while, on the other hand, should sad experiencenot have taught us the same policy, it will inevitably happen, thatsooner or later we shall have to deplore our imprudence. It is not somuch that we are betrayed as misconstrued; our opinions aremisinterpreted from ignorance of our real dispositions. This, then, iswhy it has become so imperative on us to shroud ourselves in reserve;and, alas! the more so as our dispositions may be sanguine and ardent. Hence, too, the Lord Chesterfield's scouted maxim, "Do not be, butseem, " though his lordship is not to be reprobated so much as theworld, that compelled him thus to advise his own son. But I fear Ishall be found fault with by both parties, as I have learnt to be, butnot to seem. 

No wonder, then, that we hasten to renew our early friendships, andthrow aside all this deplorable restraint. 

"Your father is a horrid radical, " I once heard a boy say to the LordChancellor's son. 

"And your mother is his Majesty's mistress, " was the retort, in evenplainer language. 

This is adopting the other extreme, but will here serve as a sample ofthat youthful openness, however ridiculous and disagreeable, whichteaches us at once how to choose our friends and confidants, withlittle fear of being mistaken; and when we have arrived at manhood, whatever number of years may have separated us, we are still consciousof each other's nature, because we have learnt, in the meantime, thatit never changes, in whatever degree it may have done so inappearance. Let any one, for a moment, bestow his attention upon someprominent person of the present day, whose character may contrast withwhat it was in boyhood, and has he confidence in him? in other words, is he imposed upon with the rest? He may cling to him for auld langsyne, but he will be far from being deceived, while the other is asconscious that he is not so. 

For this reason, I have always thought well of those who have carriedon their early intimacy to after-life. One of them must be creditableto our race, for I have noticed friendship between two indifferentcharacters ever to be brief. 

Seymour, poor fellow, was just now under rather adverse circumstances, for he had arrived here but five days, and had been confined to hisbed during the four last of them, having caught cold from wet feet, which I regretted the more, as he had but little chance, in such acountry, of ever again enjoying the comfort of dry ones. When Iarrived at his hovel he had just come down to his sitting-room, and Ithink I seldom recollect a more comfortless, or ludicrous sceneeither. Till this moment, I suppose, he who had roughed it as littleas any one, was now looking pale, wretched, and emaciated, with hisslender, gentlemanly figure crouched close upon the comfortlessfire-place. Should he have the energy to stir for anything, his nicelyarranged hair was instantly dimmed with the cobwebs and dust which itgathered as it swept across the low ceiling. On the dark and dampfloor was scattered a number of splendidly bound books, with aWilkinson's saddle. Along the wall was tidily arranged an extensivecollection of Hoby's boots, and a hat-box, imprinted with "Lock, SaintJames' Street, " but which article was now converted into a temporarycorn-bin, and was nearly full of black oats. 

CHAPTER II. 

It is but yesterday, when I felt that to be "a pot-hunter"[1] was thelowest step of degradation; and I was quite right, for then I lived athome; my father had an admirable kennel of pointers and spaniels, acouple of well-stocked manors, and a zealous keeper. But, since then, "a change came o'er the spirit of my dream, " and my finances not soflourishing that I could keep up a shooting establishment on thefooting which I have hitherto enjoyed. At present I am provided withsustenance at the cost of one shilling a meal; but should I procure adinner elsewhere, which seldom happened, or my fishing-rod proveeffective, which it never did, a proportionate deduction ensues in thecost of my repast. 

Once or twice, as September approached, it crossed my mind that thiskind of economy was not entirely to be overlooked. But, no, no! True, I had got under a cloud, and "my house-hold gods lie shivered aroundme;" but, to become a pot-hunter! I had not fallen, nor would I fall, so low as that. September has arrived, and I have!

To entertain a proper feeling on the subject, I am fully sensible thata gentleman should only destroy game, which, when killed, isthoroughly useless to him; and being thus principled, I am at a lossto account for the unwonted delight I experienced whenever my gun didits work on the victim, which in a few hours was to smoke on mysolitary board. 

Some one affirms it to be as probable for an empty sack to standupright, as for a needy man to be honest. The simile is ingenious andplausible, but as uncharitable. The weakness I have just acknowledgedis undoubtedly attributable to my circumstances, though I trust I amstill beyond the reach of the graver imputation. But I should beambitious of proving more than this--the utter extravagance of such atheory; for it is a cruel one, and has caused both mischief andmisery. How many otherwise inoffensive persons have I known implicitlyto adopt an opinion to the prejudice of their less fortunateacquaintance, merely from their deficiency of the world's wealth! But, not content with this, these persons, who are the very people toesteem poverty as the worst of ills, not satiated with hisdestitution, must do their utmost to sink him still lower by theirtreatment of him; little suspecting, too, I should hope, that themost probable means of enticing a man to become a villain, is toconvince him that the world deems him to be such. I have known morethan one victim to this treatment, for all are not gifted withindependency of mind sufficient to defy it. 

Owing to an insurmountable detestation of my profession, I spent but afew days of the week in my parish. It was not that I was careless, andindifferent for the welfare of my parishioners; for, in spite ofmyself, I could not but like them. 

Beyond doubt, it is imperative on a clergyman ever to be in the heartof his parish, employed in bestowing, spiritually and corporally, suchassistance as it may fall to his share to be able to bestow. As torelieving their distresses arising from poverty, my finances were muchtoo limited to be of any avail. With regard to those who weresuffering on a sick bed, with but slender hopes of recovery, my powersof consolation were even more meagre. 

I have said that my opinions widely differed from those supposed to beentertained by a Protestant clergyman, and particularly so on theefficacy of a death-bed repentance. Could it then be expected that Iwas thus to smear myself over with hypocrisy, and to a poorbroken-spirited fellow-creature, looking imploringly for religiousaid and comfort, utter to his confiding ears such doctrines as, atthat time, I unhappily and foolishly thought to be no more "thansounding brass, or a tinkling cymbal?"

This, then, was not to be thought of or endured; and, therefore, sooner than remain inactive among my people, I was ever, as much aspossible, studiously at a distance. Still it could not but annoy me, should my presence have been required on any emergency, while absent;and this, thanks to my fortune, never occurred, though I had manynarrow escapes of it. 

At one time, having postponed the preparation of my sermon during theearlier part of the week, I arrived, in consequence, at my lodgings onSaturday evening, in order to get it ready for the morrow. I hadscarcely begun, when Maria, dispensing with her lowly knock foradmission at the door, rushed in, and announced an event which hadjust occurred within a mile of the house. 

A girl of eighteen, and her sister of eight years old, had beenspending her birth-day at their grandfather's, and, after dark, hadset out on their return to their father's house, mounted on an oldhorse, with the younger girl behind. In the bottom of a valley whichdivided the two houses, ran a little stream, but which now, fromheavy rain, had increased to a rapid and deep, though still a narrowrivulet. In passing through the ford, the younger girl, while raisingher feet to avoid the water, fell from the saddle, pulling her eldersister with her. The youngest, much frightened, rushed through thewater and gained the bank. The foot of the elder one became entangledin the stirrup, which unfortunately caused her head and shoulders toremain beneath the water. The horse was so quiet as to stand still inthe stream, grazing on the bank, and was thus stationary long enoughfor the girl to become insensible, when he walked out, and her foot, on his moving, becoming once more free, her helpless little sister, bythe light of the moon which was then shining, could just see thestream roll away the body of her sister towards a deep hole a littlelower down, when she lost sight of her. This, then, was the cause ofthe present interruption. 

On arriving at the spot, it was distressing to observe theinsignificancy of the place, with regard to such a melancholy event. The water where she had fallen, was not more than two feet in depth, and while searching for her body during the night, at any place I wasable to jump across the stream. Yet, singular to state, we never foundthe body till the commencement of the fourth night from the accident. 

The corpse of this poor girl was the first I had ever seen. Hereldest brother had discovered and placed it on the grass, and as heand her father gazed upon it, while the moon shone down upon the groupstanding motionless and silent in the gloomy ravine, never was I soconscious of the intensity of the misery which _can_ befal us--thatindeed "the trail of the serpent was over us all. "

The funeral of this girl was the first at which I had to officiate. Itis singular that a funeral consequent on an unusual death should beattended by greater numbers than an ordinary one. On this occasion, Imay safely say, that my little retired burial-ground, and itsimmediate vicinity, were occupied by thousands. 

Though always in the habit of taking great exercise, I neverexperienced severer work than on the day which brought rest to others, not but that I might have avoided it. For five weeks successively Ihave served three churches each Sunday. On these days I had to walkforty miles, and ride another forty miles, and once or twiceexperienced heavy falls with my horse. This, then, I suppose, wassteeple-hunting, properly so called--all this too was for love, at allevents, not for money. 

The latter, indeed, was very scarce in this part of England. Mypredecessor had served the parish fourteen years, for twelve poundsper annum. The present rector was in the annual receipt offorty-three pounds, out of which he had to pay me, but with the aid ofa little simony, this was easily avoided, and as I took no fees, I canhardly call it a lucrative appointment, and certainly not a sinecure. 

I am fully aware of the fallacy of judging on any subject, withoutexamining both sides of the question, but the following case reallyseems to have only one:--

By great ingenuity, I should think, the sum of eight hundred andforty-five pounds is distilled from out the peaty soil of my humbleparish, under the denomination of great and small tithe. 

From the sound, one might be led to suppose that this sum was, in someslight way, connected with ecclesiastical purposes; and, by-the-bye, so it is exactly, for forty-three pounds go to the rector, and theremainder is distributed among three wealthy and noble families. 

At first, too, one might expect that this sum would, at all events, afford to pay for a permanent and resident clergyman, with a roof overhis head, "be it ever so humble;" but no, the parish is but thereceptacle for the luckless, roaming deacon, and its poor parishionersare ever doomed to be as sheep without a shepherd, and to be fleecedaccordingly. 

Among these sabbatical circuits of mine, there was one which, though Ishall be, more than usual, guilty of egotism, I do not wish toforget, it was so in keeping with the nature of the country--primitiveand stern. It was the only time I was sensible of fatigue, though inthe present instance I had not more than two churches to serve, norwas I under the necessity of walking more than half of the usualdistance; but I was so ill with the influenza that I was doubtful ofsucceeding. Attempt it I would, for hitherto, though invariablyhurried, I had never kept a congregation waiting for one moment. Having got upon my horse, I rode him forty miles across the moors, tomy own church first: so far from fatiguing me, I found that thefreshness of the air had considerably added to my strength: still, theexertion of reading would have proved too much, had not the singers, perceiving my weakness, good-naturedly chaunted the prayers whichoccur between the lessons, just giving me breathing time, andsufficient strength to finish the service. The instant this was over, I walked away for the other church, determined, at all events, topersevere, for in a whimsical mood I had ever resolved to perform theSunday's duty punctually, in spite of time, tide, or anything else. AsI crossed each field, I was obliged to get on the top of every gate inorder to rest myself, notwithstanding the exertion of it. On coming tothe fatal little stream in the valley which divided the parishes, Ibecame sensible that I had no strength to clear it, and that, should Iattempt it, a total submersion must inevitably be the result. I had notime to hesitate, so at once walked through the ford, though at thetime I was in a profuse and faint-like perspiration. 

On reaching the church, I found myself to be in good time, but had notproceeded far in the service, when I discovered the clerk to be insuch a state of drunkenness, as would have appeared to the leastfastidious, blasphemous and repulsive. In this dilemma, I knew itwould be useless to tell a noisy boisterous fellow to hold his tongue, so at once, quietly but quickly, reaching his book, I placed it in myreading-desk, and the fellow, without a murmur, resigned himself tohis fate and went fast asleep. In spite of the check which my wetclothes might have occasioned, I was rapidly gaining strength, and, tomy surprise, got easily through the duty. 

At the conclusion of the service, a labourer's wife came up to me withthe usual fee between her finger and thumb, the price of beinggrateful to her God for safe deliverance in child-birth. Sheapparently deemed me out of my senses, and I had to tell her twice tokeep back the shilling gained by the sweat of her husband's brow. 

I had next to visit a dying man, and I had a dread of it. The poorfellow had been for many years an open and avowed infidel, andentertained an invincible hatred towards clergymen. He had, at last, consented to send for me, in compliance with the entreaties of hiswife. Being an industrious man, he had realized sufficient to enablehim to rent a very comfortable cottage, a cyder orchard, to keep acouple of cows, besides having by him a sum of ready money. A fewyears back, in assisting at the harvest, he had strained himselfinternally, and induced an atrophy. On asking the wife whether theywere badly off, her sole reply was to take a cup from thechimney-piece, and show me, in heart-breaking silence, a sixpence andthree half-pennies! Cows, money, and orchard--all had disappearedduring a lingering illness, --and the poor old woman's inevitable fatewas now to await the fast approaching death of a good husband, andthen retire, for her few remaining and widowed years, to the workhouseof a distant parish!

On speaking to him, I could not but admire his really gentlemanlyself-possession, accompanied by a tone of respect and kindness. AfterI had finished the prayers for the visitation of the sick, I read afew others which I had copied out from some authors, selected byPaley, and beautiful compositions they are; the poor fellow sunk intoan agony of grief, and I wish I had not read them. Was I wrong or not?I fear that I was, and am sorry for it; but we shall both know by andbye. 

On returning in the evening through my own church-yard, never was I sostruck with its air of wretchedness. It was placed in the bottom of aswampy moor, confined on one side by the little decrepit old church, with its boarded steeple looking like a dog-hutch, and just smallenough to hold three parts of a cracked bell, if I might judge fromthe tinkling of it. On another side, it was protected from the bitterblast by the poor-house, thus judiciously placed for the benefit ofthe invalided paupers. It was a dreary evening in February, andeverything was looking chilly and black, except, by the bye, an earlyprimrose peering out from the side of a crumbling tomb in the verydarkest corner of the whole--that looked fresh and bright enough. 

I suspect the sort of humour I was now in, to have been occasionedeither by my illness, the death-bed I had just witnessed, or theseparation for a whole week to come from a person for whom I hadlately found that I felt "a deep and tender friendship. "

About thirty miles from my parish, lived my nearest neighbours, andwith whom I had become rather intimate. So much was this the case, that this place gradually assumed the character of what I recollect"home" once used to have for me, many years ago. To this house I usedfrequently to canter over on a Sunday's evening with all the delightof a school-boy returning from a detested school. 

Until now I had thought that my benevolent host had here been mygreatest friend; but there was another for whom, to my infinitesurprise, I found that I felt far more intensely. Yet it was odd that, in her presence, I was apparently cold and inattentive, and thus, perhaps, it might have ever been, had she not unguardedly attracted myattention by what she meant for a severe rebuke. I happened to bewalking with her and a gentleman whose wife had lately experienced, onsome occasion, a narrow escape of her life; "and so Miss Bassett I hadnearly become a gentleman free of incumbrance, and then I should havecome and proposed to you. "

"But then I should have tried to thwart you, for the mere sake ofopposition, " was my rather too free and easy reply. 

"Oh, Mr. Graham, " she answered, "you might have set your mind quite atrest on the subject, for I should have preferred Mr. Goodriche athousand times before you. "

"For what possible reason, Miss Bassett?" I asked, in sober earnest. 

"Because I could have led a quiet, happy life with him--now perhaps Imight have liked you, and then you would have immediately behaved likea wretch, and broken my heart. "

FOOTNOTES:

[1] One who kills game exclusively to lessen his butcher's bill. 

CHAPTER III. 

It was on my way to London, in company with her father, that, as thesun rose, I caught a glimpse in the horizon of the hill, on the otherside of which the abode of my family was situated--I may not call ithome, for it is too true, that "without hearts there is no home. "Still, how I must have loved the spot! its woods, its lawns, and itsvalleys! No sooner had the steamer touched at a port, than I left myluggage to go on with it as it might, and jumped out, in order to takeone more peep at a place which set at defiance every recollection thatI could force to rise up in judgment against it. 

Having walked twenty miles, I stopped at a public-house within a mileand a half of the place, for some refreshment, as well as to await thedarkness of night. At ten o'clock I sallied forth, and the first ofthe paternal estate on which I trespassed was a large wood, every treeof which, I might say, was an old acquaintance. 

Here, then, what a contrast was I conscious of! Some years back, Iused to range this very wood, the sworn friend of the keeper, inorder to detect the poacher; and now I was listening to every rustle, and peering along the gloomy paths, lest I myself should be detectedby my former ally. So much did my fears on this point increase on me, that I took to the open fields, and gained the park. 

Here at once, in spite of everything, I felt myself to be on my ownproperty, --roaming about in ecstacy--visiting every tree that I hadplanted and fenced round years ago. Each of these I pruned, and evenhad the temerity to steal into the green-house, which was close to thelibrary, and procure the gardener's saw, with which I climbed up intoan old Scotch fir, and dismembered a large limb which over-hung andinjured a lime-tree I had planted in the dell below. Having sawed thelimb into portable pieces, I concealed the whole in an adjoiningplantation. 

Notwithstanding the lights in the windows evinced that the inmates hadnot yet retired to rest, I sauntered over every part of the lawn, andat last walked directly up to the drawing-room window. The blind wasdown, but the shutters unclosed. By stooping close to the ground, andpeeping beneath the blind, I could survey the whole room. 

Here were two daughters and their father. The eldest was fast asleepin an arm-chair; the younger one working, and their father, as usualreading a volume of Sir Walter Scott, the well known binding of whichI at once recognised. I could not get a sight of his face, for thebook he held before him; but I saw his forehead and thin silvery hair. 

What was now my surprise, to hear a carriage, at this time of thenight, driving towards the house! I instantly placed myself behind atree, close to the road-side. Curious to state, at that very spot thecarriage suddenly stopped, and I might have touched it with my hand. The horses had gibbed, owing to the steepness of the ascent; and onher inquiring into the cause, I immediately recognised the voice ofanother daughter, who, with her husband, was coming on a visit to herfather from a distant county. 

I now returned to my public-house, and was off at dawn in a coach fortown. Byron felt from experience, when he sighed, "and oh, the uttersolitude of passing your own door without a welcome, finding yourhearth turned into a tombstone, and around it the ashes of your earlyhopes, lying cold and deserted. "

In all and each of my various excursions, in foul weather or in fair, I had ever one invariable companion. This was my horse, and his namewas Clodhopper. He was a light bay, with a pale face. Our intimacycommenced under the following circumstances:

One Saturday afternoon I was staying on a visit with a family, manymiles from my church, and being therefore in great need of a horse, Iat once went to look through the stables of an extensive horse-dealerin a neighbouring town. Having ascertained the price of severallikely-looking horses, I ordered a large powerful one, for betterexamination, to be led into the yard. It was not unnecessaryin this case; for the animal had one totally-extinguished anddreadfully-disfigured eye, a broken knee, both fore-legs fired, and aconspicuous spavin. 

"He's a little blemished, Mr. Turner, " I observed. 

"Why, how, Sir, can you, or any other gentleman, expect to see agreat, fine, upstanding horse like that ere, but what has a some'ut?"

But as I did, I requested to see another. For this one he asked buteighteen pounds. With my own eyes I could see that he stood abovefifteen hands, was only just coming six, and was a strong, hardyanimal, with a written warranty for soundness. All this being quiteclear, I could not possibly account for the lowness of the price, otherwise than by feeling quite confident that there must be "asome'ut. "

While thus deliberating, "Mr. Graham, " said the dealer, "will you mindwhat I says? You'll never be married--you never can make up your mindto nothun, I see. "

On my getting into the saddle, to try him along a few streets, Mr. Turner added this very disinterested advice--

"Now, don't you go and hammer a good horse like that ere over the hardstones. A parcel of little ragged, dirty-nosed boys, run athwart, andupsots a respectable individual. "

I did hammer him, wasn't "upsot, " and bought Clodhopper. 

There were two accomplishments in which I think he wasunrivalled--falling down without breaking his knees, and in runningbackwards. In performing the first feat, which, on an average, occurred twice in three weeks, he fell, without a moment's hesitation, directly on his head, and instantly took a somersault on his back; sothat literally he never had time to break his knees, though he brokethe saddle now and then. The second, he could perform at a frightfulpace; and the more one whipped and spurred, the faster he would go, and never stop till he came in contact with something. One of these Isuspect to have been the "some'ut"--unless, by-the-bye, it had beenthe whooping-cough, or something very like it. 

But Clodhopper's chief recommendation was, that whether in winter orin summer, with oats or without them, he was ever the same--stoicaland indefatigable, so long as he was on the top of his legs. Wheneventually I had no further use for his services, I sold him for aleader to a coach proprietor, for seventeen pounds and a dozen of badchampagne; but I fear that the unfortunate wheeler in his rear must, by this time, have tumbled over him a lamentable number of times. 

There was another rather prominent character in my establishment. Thiswas "Old Bob. "

The master whom he served was a neighbouring farmer, but I frequentlyobtained his services. His appearance was that of a veteran bull-dog, seamed with the traces of youthful strife, but in reality he was apointer. Unfortunately, too, in his younger days, the stable-door hadjambed his tail off within two inches of its origin, but still Bobflattered himself that it was a tail, for he affected to brush theflies away with it. 

I think he had a high opinion of my shooting, for, whenever I was soinclined, he despised the society of any one else. As he was a selfishfellow, I suspect that I was indebted for his services to interestedmotives. He was a pot-hunter, like myself, and would instantly swallowanything I shot, could he but reach it first. He could certainly trotvery fast, but that was the best pace he could accomplish, and had weanything like a fair start, I could distance him; and so convinceddid he become of this, that the moment he found me abreast of him, hewould give up the race in despair. 

Considering this and other infirmities, for he was stone deaf and verynear-sighted, he was highly creditable to his profession. 

Though he frequently found game under his very nose, he was perfectlyaware, though his mouth watered to taste it, that he had not a chanceuntil I came up and shot it. He was, in consequence, the staunchestdog in the country. Only once, in this respect, did I know him guiltyof a breach of decorum, and that too, I must say, under veryaggravating circumstances. 

One sultry day, at the expense of a great deal of time, and still moretrouble, he had carefully footed an old cock pheasant round threesides of a very extensive field, and at last brought him to astand-still in a bunch of nettles, and was now patiently waiting forme to come up and help him. In the meantime, an unfortunate terrierhad chanced upon the trail of the pheasant, and now came yapping alongthe ditch as hard as he could scamper. Of course, Bob being as deaf asa post, was quite unaware of this circumstance, and as the terrierbrushed rudely by him, poor Bob looked so mortified! He wasn't goingto find game for him, so "the devil take the hindmost, " became theorder of the day, and had I not shot the pheasant, which they put upbetween them, Bob was so angry that he would have wrung the very soulout of little Whisky. 

After the fatigues of a long day, Bob was dozing in the farm-yard, when the team arrived in the evening from market. Nobody saw Bob, andBob couldn't hear the wagon, which the next moment passed over hisneck, and broke it. 

CHAPTER IV. 

The sole thing connected with my days on this spot, attended by asatisfactory feeling, is the remembrance of my long and quietevenings, when I did happen to spend the week in the parish. It wasthe only period of my life that I read to any effect, and I must own, that even then it was no fault of mine, for it was impossible to dootherwise. 

I used to rise at one o'clock in the afternoon, and go to bed at fivethe next morning. As to late hours, as it is termed, I have no sort ofcompunction, so long as I do not spend more than the necessary quantumof the twenty-four in bed. 

I was agreeably surprised with the number of works I crept through;among which, my favourites were Byron's works throughout, with hislife by Moore; Butler's Analogy, White's Farriery, and Dwight'sTheology, which last is as full of poetry as Childe Harold. 

The last half hour of each night or morning, I invariably enjoyed withmy feet on the fender, in dreamy contemplation of the past, wreathedin the fumes of a cigar, and soothed by the lowly and desultorymurmurs of the geese in the straw-yard beneath my window. 

At the distance of about two miles from me, was Winthra, a seat of hisGrace the Duke of Northumberland. Though the smallest of his severaldomains, it was the most beautiful; nor was it diminutive, being sixmiles in circumference. This paradise was placed in the centre of acountry which was hideous in the extreme. Here then, was "the diamondof the desert. "

We may remember that, in olden times, the amorous Edgar, on the fameof Ordulph's lovely daughter, despatched a confidant to her distanthome in order to ascertain whether her beauty was of suchtranscendency as report declared it. 

In this spot, then, the ancient seat of the Earls of Devon, the futurequeen, Elfrida, lived. A park it has ever been, from that day to this;and as one winds his silent steps between the stems of the giant andruined oaks, the impression is, that here the spirits of Druids lingerand roam as the last refuge left them untouched by the hand of man. 

It contained the two sides of an extensive valley, sweeping graduallydown to the Winthra, a beautiful trout-stream murmuring along theravine. The only inhabitant of the enormous mansion was a worn out andpensioned butler; so that my sole companions of the solitude were thedeer, and these being never or seldom meddled with, had increased tomultitudes; and when one observed the huge and lofty walls with whichthe whole was shut in, he felt indeed in Rasselas's happy valley. 

Here, then, have I passed days and days, without seeing one soul, reading, sketching, fishing, and bathing. Only once was I sensible ofan intruder. 

One bright moonlight night, I was passing along by the banks of thestream, when I observed on the other side something which I wasconfident, from familiar acquaintance with the spot, was not wont tobe there. As it was lying on the pebbly beach, partly in the chequeredshade of a beech-tree, and partly in the water, I was totally at aloss to imagine what it might be, but had a strong foreboding that itwas a human body. A little lower down there was a shallow, throughwhich I passed; and on reaching the spot, I must acknowledge that Iwas equally horrified to find that the object of my anxiety was afreshly-killed deer. The poor thing had evidently come here to drink, when it had been seized upon by some dog; and I cannot express mymixture of rage and remorse as I watched the damp, warm vapour slowlyrising from the lacerated and bloody flank, and contemplated thebeautiful but dimmed eye, glazed by the pale moonlight. Our peacefulsanctuary was violated!

I borrowed the very old gun of the very old butler, and watched forthe moment of my revenge till daybreak, but it was never satiated. 

A few months after this, having received an invitation to a delightfulresidence near the sea, and at the same time to meet some families ofthe county, among whom was to be "my own dear somebody, " Seymour and Ihad set off in high glee with such a break in the monotony of ourmonastic habits. 

That afternoon, then, I was riding by the side of this "somebody. " Asort of confidence had arisen between us, very delightful andunaccountable; except simply that, on one side of me, as I rode alongthe edge of the cliffs, there was the Atlantic looking lowering andstormy, mingled in the horizon with the still drearier sky, broken orrelieved by the contrast of a very lovely girl. 

At this moment it was blowing and raining heavily, and, as shecantered along, my admiration of her was anything but diminished, whenI witnessed the cheerful and good-natured indifference with which shetreated a boisterous day of "bleak and chill December. "

Being an ardent sort of little personage, she had been descanting withconsiderable animation and enthusiasm on a subject which affected herdeeply. Her hair, completely dripping, was hanging down her cheek, nowfreshened by the coldness of the pelting rain. I cannot conceive howanything could look more beautiful than this girl did at that moment. At the same time though she appeared serious and melancholy, and, Ithink, a little out of humour too, while her hat, which was too largefor her, had, from the wet, become quite shapeless, and appearedpressed down over her face, so that I could not forbear laughing, inspite of everything, though at the moment I felt wofully wretched!

Interrupting herself, and looking up towards the clouds, she pointedout to me, with her whip, a portion of blue sky, perhaps intimating acessation of the storm. Regardless of either, I coolly asthoughtlessly put my hand out to take hers! but owing to the action ofour horses, missed it. She never saw the attempt, and I narrowlyescaped making a great fool of myself. 

The most egregious act of folly, I think, a man can be guilty of, isto allow himself to meet with "a refusal. "

We may easily have tact enough to know, beforehand, the real state andprobable result of the case. 

In the present one, this girl and her family would have seen me at thebottom of the Red Sea, ere my hopes and wishes on the subject had metwith, "a consummation so devoutly to be wished. "

Two days afterwards, I was standing once more on the deck of asteamer, with my carpet-bag at my feet, bound for a foreign port. 

The Church I have resigned for ever--my parish, Winthra Park, bothdeserted--and my humble abode! "its hearth is desolate. "

BOOK THE THIRD. 

CHAPTER I. 

We are aware that, when we "train up a child in the way he should go, he will not depart from it;" but fortunately, when it is that in whichhe ought not to go, he certainly will depart from it when he can. 

Thus having consumed nearly half my life--at all events, the _better_half--at a public school and the University, preparatory to aprofession, my antipathy for which was exactly proportioned by myinaptitude for it, the sole result is, that I can now answer to thedefinition of a real gentleman, "one who has no visible means of amaintenance. "

I begin to suspect, then, that it may be, now and then, just worthwhile to condescend and observe how a child's disposition may inclinehim to go; and though, as an humble disciple of John Locke, I am quitesensible of the absurdity of "innate ideas, " yet it is very evidentthat, at an early period of our lives, we evince traits which areinfallibly indicative of the bent of our dispositions, which are justas our natures may have been constituted, and this bent is betterknown by the name of genius. 

Now it has been beneficently, and I will say beautifully ordained, that an individual, by gratifying this instinctive impulse of hisgenius, not only augments his own happiness, but that of his speciesalso, and, I sometimes fondly hope, even that of the Creator himself. 

Over an extent of country is distributed a variety of soils, oneadapted for one kind of produce, another for another, and theaggregate may amount to so much. Counteract this arrangement, andsurely the result will be far inferior. Indeed, where is theagriculturist who is not strictly attentive as well as acquiescent tothis tendency?

How exactly, then, do I imagine this to apply to the variety ofdispositions among ourselves; and if we follow, with regard to theirnatures, the same economy, then shall we see how simply true it is, that when we train up a child in the way he _should_ go, he will notdepart from it. 

The conviction of this truth makes me curious to ascertain the way Iought to have gone; not that I am unaware of my present tastes, butwhich, probably, are the mere effects of education, and consequentand acquired habits, while my early ones have long since been lost or"warped by the kind severity of the pedagogue. "

Possessing a tolerable memory with regard to events, I will, then, just rummage about its lumber-room, and see if I cannot tumble outsome long-forgotten recollection on the subject, if I may so expressmyself; but I sincerely trust that it may not turn out to be atendency for the poet, or some such inclination incompatible with thefortunes of the youngest of younger brothers. 

After some pains to effect this object, I fear I must conclude that Ihave never evinced any marked genius, one way or another, unless it befor that of the vagrant! What a shock to my theory!

Though an idle boy, I was ever a restless one. Whenever I had anopportunity, I was certain to give my nursery-maid the slip, andramble through the fields and coppices, though at the cost of awhipping, or, at all events, the deprivation of my supper. I couldnever see a distant hill, but I longed to reach its summit to see whatwas on the other side; and had I been more conversant with holy writ, I should have been ever sighing, "O, that I had wings like the dove, for then would I flee away and be at rest. " In short, every spot inthe distance seemed to be more sunny and delightful than that which Iat the moment occupied. For hours would I lean my forehead against thecold glass of the nursery window, and contemplate the noble hill thatswelled in the horizon. There, I had no doubt, was the end of theworld. Then would I conjecture whether it were possible to get thereand back again, and whether life was long enough for such a voyage. Ithen fixed my eye on a large beech-tree--which, blessings on it, isstill standing--that I conjectured to be placed about midway. I nextcounted the number of fields between us, in which I included the lawn. I knew that it was not a very great voyage to traverse this last tothe Ha-ha and back. Following up these data, I arrived at theastounding conclusion that the whole original expedition might beaccomplished in one day!

This, then, I had resolved to do; but which, after many failures, Inever accomplished until several years subsequently, when I determinednot only to effect this distance, four whole miles, but to push on tothe sea-side, seventeen miles beyond. Now, this was a voyage, and Idesigned to perform it unknown to any one. As I was ignorant of theprobable duration of such an undertaking, I was anxious to take asufficient wardrobe, and therefore required a valise; but not beingable to procure one, I purloined a long leather-legging of myfather's, buttoned it up, and stuffed it with my clothes, and whichnow, when turned in at the ends, and strapped to the saddle with thebuttons downward, would have imposed itself as a respectable valise onthe most experienced "travelling gentleman. " The next morning, I rosebefore the sun, and squeezing through the bars of the stable window, threw out the saddle and bridle, went into the park up to my knees indew, caught poor little Forester, and was away, while all at home werestill fast asleep. 

"Men are but children of a larger growth;" and in lieu of Horsa's-hillin front of my home, I have now extended my ambition to a region, which, let me confess, without any particular reason, I have picturedto myself as the nucleus of glaciers and avalanches--of mountains andmighty rivers. At all events, thither will I now hasten, if it wasonly to support my theory--at any rate, that I may enjoy the credit ofbeing throughout a consistent character--though, by-the-bye, I mightjust as well have been the dreaded poet!

On examining my map, I found that the shortest way to the spot I hadin view was to go across the paddock and the Downs for the sea-side, where I went on board for St. Malo, and from this corner of France Imust find my way across to Geneva, at the other corner. 

The passage across the Channel was, as I expected, far from agreeable;for when a man wishes his "native land good night" in singleblessedness, with but a slender purse in his pocket--and as hiscountry's shores diminish, while sea-sickness increases--he cannot butcast a lingering look towards the scene of his youth far behind him, which he is leaving, perhaps for ever, to wander he knows not whither. 

Thus have I paid for that liberty, which has enabled me to explore mysolitary way through the most interesting countries of Europe. Duringmy pilgrimage, as I have traversed the monotonous plains of La Vendeé, the awful grandeur of the Alps, and the lovely yet sublime scenery ofItaly, under every aspect--in summer and in winter, in sunshine and instorm--so have I, at times, been elated by the buoyant hopes of thepresent, as well as bowed down to the dust when I looked forward tothe future. I have risen with the sun, my spirits vying with thefreshness of the dawn; but how often "has my sun of hope set without aray, while the dark night of dim despair shadowed only phantoms!"Alone, and on foot, I have accomplished thousands of miles overFrance, Piedmont, Savoy, Switzerland, Tyrol, Lombardy, and Italy--Ihave toiled along the dusty road, beneath the noontide heat of anItalian sun, or wandered over trackless Alpine heights through themidnight storm--have rested on princely couches, or on the wheatenstraw of the peasant--I have joined the mazourka in palaces, or thetarantala in the wilds of Calabria--I have revelled in the scenery ofClaude, or brooded over the lofty solitudes of Salvator Rosa and thebrigand--I have experienced the frivolity of France, the dissipationof Florence, the profligacy of the Venetian, the degeneracy of theRoman, and vindictiveness of the Neapolitan, the insincerity of theimpoverished noble, and the truth of honest poverty--I have wonderedin the gaudy sanctuary of the Papist, teeming with devotees, orpondered amid the nobler simplicity of the Heathen's Temple in thedeserts of malaria. 

Like the Bohemian, I had, indeed, dearly purchased this liberty! atthe cost of every tie, even of religion itself, though perhapsunconscious of it at the time. I then enjoyed robust health, themain-spring of scepticism. Deprived, then, of the source of truehappiness, and without any defined object in view, the career beforeme was a dreary one--though for the present my spirits were buoyed upby the excitement attendant upon novelty. 

CHAPTER II. 

My main guide through France was the Loire, which led me by ameandering route of nearly five hundred miles to the neighbourhood ofLyons. 

Knowing, at that time, so little of the language of those whosurrounded me, as actually to envy the fluency of a parrot which Iheard chattering with, I suspect, the true Parisian accent, I canscarcely account for the feeling of thorough nonchalance with which Icommenced my pilgrimage, and which ever accompanied me to itsconclusion. It was seldom even that I was sensible of loneliness, though I must bear witness to the almost inspired truth of the poet, when he says:--

 "But midst the crowd, the hum, the shock of men, To hear, to see, to feel, and to possess, And roam along, the world's tired denizen, With none who bless us, none whom we can bless, This is to be alone--this, this is solitude!"

And no one but the solitary pedestrian, entering a crowded city in aforeign land, can know this intense loneliness; but--

 "To climb the trackless mountain all unseen, With the wild flock that never needs a fold; Alone o'er steeps and foaming falls to lean, This is not solitude;"

and I could scarcely feel that I had even left my home, when, towardsthe termination of my first day's walk, I came suddenly upon our oldfriend Blue Beard's Castle! Le Chateau de Barbe Bleu, as it was heredesignated. Not only was I for the instant transported back to my owncountry, but to the very nursery; for here, "once upon a time, " livedthe original and redoubted Blue Beard, the dreaded hero of our nurseryromance; and, doubtless, I enjoyed the same lovely and peacefulprospect, though with somewhat different feelings, as "Sister Anne"some centuries foregone. 

Never, by any event, were my early days brought so vividly freshbefore my mind's eye, as at this moment. In those times, to myrecollection, the sun seemed to have been ever shining, the birds eversinging, the trees ever in leaf, and everyone equally kind, and itturns out to be but a silvery regretted dream, never to be re-dreamed. But I comforted myself with the reflection of a better man--"afterall, the same blue sky bends o'er all of us, though the point above memight as well beam a little brighter blue. " But I have found even anItalian sky to pall at last, to let us have as pleasing a variety ofcloud and sunshine, as the better taste of Providence will afford usduring our little day, and let us be content. 

But the impartiality of Providence towards us in this respect, is veryconspicuous, or a little examination into the subject will clear awaywhat few doubts we may entertain concerning it; otherwise, we mightfeel a difficulty in reconciling the various degrees of happinesswhich we are apt to suppose prevailed throughout the world, or toexist at present between different persons, with our notions ofjustice, when we revert from the present refined and peaceful period, to those of barbarism and bloodshed, or think of the pampered aldermanand the overworked and starving pauper. 

Has, then, the general happiness of mankind actually varied withdifferent epochs? Were the lauded golden ages so much brighter thanthese of the baser metal? No more so, perhaps, than, in spite ofHomer's assertion, were the heroes who contended on the plains of Troysuperior in stature or force to those on the plains of Waterloo. Asthe human constitution accommodates itself to all climes, so our senseof felicity fits itself to external circumstances; and thus thequantity of happiness, or rather, sense of enjoyment, existing atvarious ages of the world, may not have differed more than that whichwe suppose to exist between contemporaneous individuals; and thiscannot be very great when we doubt whether the peasant would barterhis poverty for the wealth of the prince, on the condition, also, ofadding to his own years the fifteen or twenty additional winters thathave silvered the hair of his superior. Thus, at all events, a fewfleeting years annihilates the extremes of their lot. 

The truth is, the cup of happiness is very limited, and that of mostmen as replete as their sense of enjoyment can admit of; more thanthis is superfluous, wasted, and unappreciated, or even, as it were, condensed by the feeling of satiety which ensues; while, on the otherhand, the rarer sources of happiness to another man will expand andfill the cup, blessed as he is with an "elasticity of spirits. "Happiness, too, being for the most part placed in perspective, becomesequally distant or inaccessible to all, and seems to have beenpurposely placed beyond our reach for the same reason that the old manfeigned to have concealed the treasure beneath the soil in order thathis sons might become rich by the culture of it, which theynecessarily, though unwittingly, effected in their search for thegold; and thus our only happiness consists in our efforts to attainthe same, though the instant we become sensible of this, we find thatwe have then indeed exhausted the cup, and like the rest that havedone so before us, take a long breath, and sigh, "all is vanity!" andbegin to think more intently and exclusively about the attainment ofour wishes in another world; for--

 "Quand on a tout perdu, quand on n'a plus d'espoir, La vie est un opprobre, et la mort un devoir. "

 VOLTAIRE. 

I think that our Creator never meant us to be contented, and that weshould always have something to look forward to and fret about--"It isthy vocation, Hal, "--or we sink into apathy, and become averse to theprospect of the last great change. "Well, Mr. Graham, " said a oncecontented, but now expiring Nimrod to me, "after all you have said, give me a thousand a-year, and the old bald-faced mare again, and Idon't care if I never see the kingdom of Heaven. " Or, as Johnsonparodied the enjoyment of the savage--"With this cow by my side, andthis grass at my feet, what can a bull wish for more?" Contentment!Nothing with vitality must, or ever will be contented, save avegetable, or a toad in the centre of a rock, and he probably issighing, with Sterne's starling, "I can't get out!"

Occupation seems to be the original, or true source of all enjoyment;though for this word I would substitute that of progress, and implyingsuccessful occupation. My friend and I each possess an estate of sixthousand pounds, but the former lately possessed twenty thousand, andI nothing. Which of us is now the more happily situated?

Hence arises the happiness of the saint-like and self-denying hermit;his complaint, "I can't get out!" lasts as long as he does, while heprogresses with every flying moment; and conversely, the most unhappyman is the idle and irreligious one. Happiness was mingled with sorrowwhen Gibbon penned this most interesting but melancholy passage on thetermination of twenty years' incessant labour, and which should giveus a deep insight into the philosophy of life. 

"It was, " says he, "on the day, or rather night, of the 27th of June, 1787, between the hours of eleven and twelve, that I wrote the lastlines of the last page, in a summer-house in my garden. After layingdown my pen, I took several turns in a _berceau_, or covered walk ofacacias, which commands a prospect of the country, the lake, and themountains. The air was temperate, the sky was serene; the silver orbof the moon was reflected from the waters, and all nature was silent. I will not dissemble the first emotions of joy on the recovery of myfreedom, and perhaps the establishment of my fame. But my pride wassoon humbled, and a sober melancholy was spread over my mind, by theidea that I had taken an everlasting leave of an old and agreeablecompanion; and that whatsoever might be the future fate of my history, the life of the historian might be short and precarious. "

Othello's _occupation_ was gone. I made a pilgrimage to this spot onthe banks of the Lake of Geneva, and reached it towards the close of asummer's evening, and saw all as the historian had described it; onreturning the next morning, the arbour and its creepers were lyingprostrate on the ground!

But the general and more prosperous lot--for a beneficent Creator haswilled a preponderance of happiness--is pictured by, probably, themost pertinent and poetical simile ever devised. Keeping in view thecareer of man on earth, "the river, " says Pliny, "springs from theearth, but its origin is in heaven. Its beginnings are insignificant, and its infancy frivolous; it plays among the flowers of a meadow; itwaters a garden, or turns a little mill. Gathering strength in itsyouth, it sometimes becomes wild and impetuous. Impatient of therestraints it meets with in the hollows among the mountains, it is, perhaps, restless and turbulent, quick in its turnings, and unsteadyin its course. In its more advanced age, it comes abroad into theworld, journeying with more prudence and discretion, throughcultivated fields; and no longer headstrong in its course, butyielding to circumstances, it winds round what would trouble it toovercome and remove. It passes through populous cities, and all thebusy haunts of man, tendering its services on every side, and becomingthe support and ornament of the country. Now increased by numerousalliances, and advanced in its course, it loves peace and quiet, andin majestic silence rolls on its mighty waters, until it is laid torest in the vast abyss. "

CHAPTER III. 

So long as I followed the course of the Loire, I was each daysurrounded, though not by magnificent, yet by a beautiful and happykind of scenery; but as often as I quitted its banks for a few days, in order that I might pursue a more direct line towards the mountainsof Savoy, which now began dimly to appear in the horizon, so often wasI compelled to pass over a level and treeless soil, and with thecaptive of twenty years imprisonment, when led into the street only tobe executed at the other end, I began to sigh, "O, that I might butlook on a green tree once more!" And I shall long remember thecheerful and delightful sensation, as I again drew near the verdanttracts, and then listened to the distant sound of the rapid Loire. 

During one of these detours, but through a well-wooded plain, on myway towards the old city of Bourges, I had long been pacing through adeep and dusty lane formed purposely to exclude every breath of air, while the sun appeared to be heaping coals of fire on my devoted head. I was at length compelled to sit down considerably affected by theintense heat and leg-weariness. The day was now somewhat advanced, while, to all appearance, there was no termination to the silentwoods, or, perhaps, forests on every side. 

 "A night in the greenwood spent, Is but to-morrow's merriment;"

but I was now so annoyed by thirst that I was again compelled to riseand persevere in toiling on my way, until I was so fortunate as tomeet with a man, whose rough and wild exterior portended anything oreverything sooner than such satisfactory tidings as I was sufficientlyingenious to extract from him. Conducting me a little in advance, hepointed towards a distant but gigantic cross, rearing itself up intothe blue sky, and then left me, apparently confident that I shouldfind everything needful at the foot of that cross. 

Having reached this in about half an hour, I observed a monasterysituated in a valley beneath me. This, then, I conjectured was to bemy _auberge_; for, on looking around, nothing was to be seen save theaforesaid interminable glades, and, what was still somewhatperplexing, the monastery itself was apparently tenantless. Havingseated myself in the shade, in order to contemplate some contrivanceby which, in a respectful manner, I might gain admittance and revealmy necessities, during perhaps an hour's suspense, I recognised not atoken of habitation, until at length a bell lazily tolled, and echoedamong the solitary woods. 

Descending into the valley, I now approached the portal, within whichI found a person with a brown freckled face, enveloped in a cowl ofthe same colour, seated motionless on a cold stone bench behind thegate. For the instant, I was the rude Gaul, surveying the mysterioussenator of the forum; but without insulting his beard, or wastingwords on the subject, I followed my silent conductor through severalextensive corridors, into a spacious and very habitable salon, where aremarkable and interesting person shortly made his appearance, approaching with his hand proffered in token of welcome, while hisface beamed with everything one could imagine to be associated withbenevolence and charity. He seemed to divine by instinct that I was anEnglishman, as promptly as he did by my embarrassment that I was noFrenchman, addressing me in my own language with great fluency, though, as was to be expected, with a considerable accent. Informingme that I was welcome to his monastery, he withdrew to order somerefreshment. Returning shortly with a monk, he announced my supper;and I shall not forget the sense of humiliation I experienced, whencompelled to sit at table and be attended on by two persons, each ofwhom was half a century my senior, and one of them that might gracethe proudest aristocracy of Europe, of which, indeed, this abbot, PereAntoine, was once a member in his youthful days, at the court of LouisXV. 

The monk who had now joined us proved to be my countryman, whichcircumstance had induced his Superior to grant him the indulgence ofentertaining the stranger. I may be permitted to say indulgence, for, with a face glowing with delight, he let me know that he had notlistened to his native tongue for fifteen years. 

My supper consisted of broth, potatoes, and artichokes, which alsocomprised my breakfast, as well as dinner, during my sojourn of threedays in this monastery, where they esteem even fish and eggs to be toocarnal. Such is the austerity of their lives, that this monk, who wastheir physician, informed me that it required three entire years tobecome inured to it, but that those who stood the ordeal mostlyattained a very great age. Their clothing, food, and medicines areeach confined to such as they themselves can manufacture from theproduce of the surrounding acres, of which they are the cultivators. As the sun went down, the Abbot and his companion, wishing megood-night, retired to rest. On approaching the window, I observedanother monk sauntering from the burial-ground, where, with hishands, in conformity to their daily custom, he had been scooping outhis final resting-place. 

Never have I been so conscious of intense loneliness and solitude! Itwas now about midnight, and the moon was shining brightly on the Abbeylake. Not a leaf was stirring, and all things as still as death, whilethe clear evening star shone cold and motionless over the dark edge ofthe forest, towering black and gloomy in the silent distance. I was as"the last man. " Not a soul was breathing nearer to me than the poorold monks, who, hours ago, had crept to their dormitory in thefarthest cloister of the Abbey. 

The order among whom I was, was that of La Trappe, which is by far themost austere sect in Christendom. They allow themselves but fivehours' sleep, and that on a bare board, without putting off theirclothes. They perform masses each morning, from half-past two untilsix o'clock; they deny themselves any meat whatever, their mealinvariably consisting of some oaten bread, with a little poor wine oftheir own growing, disguised in water; and--they never speak!

When we reflect that what is not only the great characteristic betweenman and the brute, but perhaps the most wonderful and beneficent giftof God to man should be thus rejected, we cannot but be possessedwith a very sorry opinion of such an unjustifiable institution. 

I have now spent a few days with two of them, both of whom were asagreeable, truly well-bred men, as I ever met with; but what is themore remarkable is that these two old men, who have lived, or ratherbut just existed under such privations, were as good-tempered, kind-hearted old persons, as it is capable for human frailty toattain; and when we consider that each day is a day of penance, andthat, too, a monotonous penance, with not a prospect beyond theirwalls, and none within, save their burial-ground, perhaps there isnothing in the character of man so unaccountable as such overwhelmingimmolation, unless it be that they esteem this life as soinsignificant, such a nothingness in comparison to eternity, and thatendless glories are to be earned by, comparatively speaking, momentarydeprivation, that they endure it as martyrs. And when, as I was, inthe stillness of the crumbling Abbey, while its bell tolled the hourand reverberated through the courts and deserted cloisters, Iremembered that these poor old men, so kind, so hospitable to thestranger, so denying, so unsparing to themselves, had here buriedtheir youth under such belief, I could not but from my heart wish themcompensation as extreme as their delusion. 

CHAPTER IV. 

On reaching Bourges, my attention was attracted by an object widelydiffering from the venerable Abbot. Judging from my own experience, Imay confidently affirm that not an Englishman quits his country, buthe instantly becomes sensible of the comparative plainness of thefairer sex. I need hardly say that I allude to that of the lowerorders; for as I was circumstanced, I was but little qualified toestimate the attributes of the more exclusive circles, only one ofwhom I chanced to meet, or rather to approach, during my ramblethrough France. Whether it was from unexpectedly meeting with amoderately humanised countenance suddenly appearing among those Iobserved daily around me, or that I had met with a face exquisitelylovely, I will not determine. I had been awaiting the arrival of theMal Poste for Marseilles, the passengers of which were expected tojoin the table d'hôte. For the last ten minutes I had beencontemplating a dark, muddy court-yard beneath the window. Thetravellers having arrived and taken their seats at the table, I satdown, and was instantly startled by the face that I observed oppositeto me, contrasted, as it chanced to be, with a dark unshaven one oneither side of it. The salon was nearly as sombre as midnight, andthere was a delicate and oval face, brightened by a pair of large softeyes, "with fire rolling at the bottom of them!" Long, long did Ideplore my deficiency of the organ of language; for with such a personfor my _vis-a-vis_, I could open my mouth but to eat!

We are little aware how exclusively we derive our opinion of othersfrom their appearance and manner, and so independently of thesentiments they utter. Until we live among those with whom we cannotconverse, it is impossible to be sensible of this truth; but I amconfident, from long experience, that it is the fact. I have formed ascorrect an opinion of a German's character, not a word of whoselanguage was intelligible to me, as of the Englishman's beside him, and perhaps more so, as not being misled by what he might choose toadvance. And in support of this assertion, I will just mention, that Ihave subsequently met with foreigners, whom it has given me greatpleasure to meet with, again and again, and that a mutual regard hasexisted between us, though neither has, for a moment, been verballyintelligible to the other. 

As, then, it is so possible thus to estimate a person, I will justselect the one opposite to me as an interesting example, for I wellremember her. She appeared to be about seventeen, and radiant withyouth and freshness, but accompanied with a delicacy and slenderness, as excessive as could be consistent with health. Her manner wascompletely fascinating, and her voice particularly so, when youobserved the lips and teeth from whence it floated. She was a sort offond person, and yet with a great share of humour--very talented, butall in delightful subjection to a refined and delicate feeling. Alas!the morrow's sun saw us, by roads as opposite as our future pathsthrough life, departing from Bourges for ever. 

Bidding farewell, even to a disagreeable person, when you know it tobe _for ever_, causes a blank, unpleasant sensation, and therefore Iwas now weighed down with a feeling of desolation quite oppressive. The sole thing that seemed to cling to me was my knapsack. No soonerhave I ever formed any sort of regard for any sort of person, thanGeoffrey Crayon's words, "Tom, you're wanted, " dole upon my ear, and Imust away. This is the curse of the traveller. And now what has sincebeen the fate of this person? Confusion overwhelm the clogs andprocrastination of civilised society! As Geoffrey Crayon once morebluntly states it, "Done, " said the devil--"Done, " said TomWalker--so they shook hands, and struck a bargain; and why could notshe and I have done the same! But she has gone, and that her days oflife might be brightened with cloudless serenity, no one so ardentlyprayed, as a homeless and hopeless unknown; for I found that--

 "The heart like the tendril accustomed to cling, Let it grow where it will cannot flourish alone, But must lean to the nearest, loveliest thing It can twine itself round, and make closely its own. "

And, to make the matter worse, I had also at this time finally toseparate from my oldest companions, a pair of shoes. They formed thelast relic of my English wardrobe, and had borne me over a longdistance. Having really an attachment for them, I placed them high upin the fork of a Spanish chestnut tree, whither I could not help againclimbing up, that I might take a last look at them as they rested palewith the dust of leagues, uncomplaining though deserted. 

In a few days more I had reached the heart of Switzerland; but what acontrast had I experienced in passing from one country to the other!The whole of France, with the exception of my ever happy Loire, mustsurely be the most monotonous and unpicturesque tract of the wholecontinent; while Switzerland presents, at every turn, a combinationof the paradisaical and of terrific sterility. Smiling patriarchalpastures, walled in by granite mountains, frowning in eternal silenceand solitude, save when thundering with the awful avalanche. I saidthat their piles of granite were barren; but what a moment is it toexplore your way companionless, and find them to be the source andspring of richness and fertility to Europe, as the sun is of warmthand light to the world--to pick your doubtfully hazardous way acrossthe glacier, and there read great Nature's receipt for making rivers. You find that the nearer you climb towards the heavens, the morepalpable are the works of their Creator:--

 "My altars are the mountains, and the ocean-- Earth, air, stars--all that proceed from the great Whole, Who has made and will receive the soul. "

As to how mine was likely to be disposed of, the moment had nowarrived when I was to consider; for not only had severe sicknessovertaken me, but I suspected that my death-blow had been received. Severe sickness will bring the stoutest of us, and the mostunthinking, to reflect soberly on the past, the present, and thefuture; at all events, it had this effect on me one night, among manyother restless and sleepless ones, as in solitude I watched theflickering flame of the candle by my bedside. As for the present, until the moment of leaving my country, I had bestowed but littleattention on it. It is the man of the world, who is wisely engrossedwith that period; and, unfortunately, I had never been gifted with, orrather had never acquired, a sufficient stock of common sense toenable me to approximate that character. 

We all love to contemplate and dwell on the brightest side of things, simply because that is the most pleasing to us; and having but littleself-denial, I ever enveloped myself in the past, the sunniest side ofmy existence. 

As for the future, with regard to a life to come, for that was what Iwas now to think about, my opinion, if it could be called such, laboured under confusion and inconsistency. Could anything have mademe more miserable than another, it would have been the doubt of it;but from this I have ever been exempt, feeling assured, that werethere none, our minds would no more have been created capable ofentertaining an idea of it, than that our bodies would have beenhampered with legs for which there was to be no need--and as theseimply the function of walking, so our idea of futurity affords us theproof of it. Yet happy as I was in its belief, I always regretted thatI had been born, notwithstanding that I was aware that an endlesssleep and non-existence must be one and the same thing. My love ofexistence then, of some sort, must have been an acquired taste, likethat of the opium-eater--I would that it had never commenced, but hadnot sufficient fortitude to relinquish it. But most probably thisregret arose as I looked back through the bright and peaceful vista ofmy earliest days, and then fondly trusting that it could but lead tosome lovely period, ere I existed here; but alas! I could recal norecollection of it, nor could any one else that I knew of, with theexception of Pythagoras, and, perhaps, my Lord Herbert of Cherbery. 

But I must cut short all this absurdity, to call it by the mildestterm, especially as my pilgrimage is drawing "towards an end, like atale that is told. "

I arose from my bed apparently with similar prejudices ere I wasconfined to it, but, with my constitution, they have happily receiveda fatal blow. Had I been with others, I should probably have lingeredin Venice until my hour had come, but, as it was, what had I to stopfor?

 "Whether it was despair that urged me on, God only knows--but to the very last, I had the lightest foot in Ennerdale. "

Many a weary mile have I since accomplished in a state of healthalmost incredible, though I am now convinced that I have performed mylast; but it was a beautiful one!

On the eastern shores of the Bay of Naples rises the mountain of St. Angelo. For days had I gazed upon it with a wistful eye, and with allthe eagerness of my childhood, when I never saw a distant hill but Iwas restless until I had reached it. Notwithstanding that my strengthnow daily diminished, my desire so increased upon me, that but a brieftime had elapsed ere I had gratified it. This mountain protrudesabruptly into the Mediterranean, dividing the bay of Salerno from thatof Naples. 

I have enjoyed the grandest scenery of Europe, but never, never suchas this, or at such a moment. The death stillness of the day wasappalling--the air was motionless, the heavens cloudless, and the deepblue sea, far, far beneath me, without a ripple; and not a soundreached my ear but that of my own watch. There I rested on the summit, basking in the sun, and enjoying a view, if such might be so called, worthy an angel's while to fly down and witness, and which, I daresay, one does now and then among these aërial solitudes. 

And now my feverish curiosity with regard to distant countries issatisfied to the full. It once was such as extended to other worlds, when I would welcome death in order to indulge it. The time is nowapproaching, then, when I must set out for "that bourne from which notraveller returns. " My love of roaming has happily waned with thepower of gratifying it, and I am now on my return, by easy stages, forthe monastery of La Trappe, and I trust that a few days more willplace me in its peaceful retirement, for I am weary. 

 T. C. Savill, Printer, 4, Chandos Street, Covent Garden. 

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