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Me Talk Pretty One Day

by David Sedaris


By an ironic twist of fate, readers find present-day Sedaris in France, where only now, after all these years, he must cling safely to just plural nouns so as to avoid assigning the wrong genders to French objects. Even the strictest of grammarians won't be able to look at the parts of speech in the same way after exposing themselves to the linguistic phenomena of Sedarisian humor. Just why is a sandwich masculine, and yet, say, a belt is feminine in the French language?

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ISBN: 0316776963
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...that my accompanist was both my best friend and a midget. I wore a tie to my next lesson and this time when asked if I’d practiced, I told the truth, saying in a matter-of-fact tone of voice that no, I hadn’t laid a finger on my guitar since our last get-together. I told him that Joan was my cousin’s name and that I had no idea how stacked she was. “That’s okay,” Mister Mancini said. “You can call your guitar whatever you want, just as long as you practice.” My voice shaking, I told him that I had absolutely no interest in mastering the guitar. What I really wanted was to sing in the voice of Billie Holiday. “Mainly commercials, but not for any banks or car dealerships, because those are usually choral arrangements.” The color ebbed from my teacher’s face. I told him I’d been working up an act and could use a little accompaniment. Did he know the jingle for the new Sara Lee campaign? “You want me to do what?” He wasn’t angry, just confused. I felt...



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